This entry marks the beginning of the entries that CF never saw. This is what I wrote after discovering he knew about the other FB page; I switched everything over to private so that posts could be seen only by me and later I switched over completely to my computer. So, everything before this entry Zack could see. Everything from here on out he has no idea I’ve written.
He threw me under the bus again. This is what he texted his sister: I almost ended it today. I was very close sis. But I emailed my fellow Ranger (he was not your fellow Ranger because you.are.not.a.Ranger!) and he responded immediately. I am not doing well at all. My wife hates me. I hate myself. And I have killed so many people that I know I am going to hell. You don’t know how many, but I do. And I can never forget that number. Hey, since I’m already going to Hell for killing people in war I may as well seal the deal, take the express train right on down to the Lake of Fire and cheat on my wife and fuck my cousin while I’m at it!
The pastor came by tonight. He stayed about an hour. He forgave me and he said God forgave me. But I can’t forgive myself. I killed a lot of men. More than you will ever know. And I wronged my wife. And she hates me. She has a separate Facebook page where she talks about me. I almost died two weeks ago. I mean actually died. I was minutes from death. O.M.G. This is such bullshit! You’re acting like you coded on the operating table and saw Jesus Himself before being shocked back to life; reality is they gave you an IV and pushed some fluids. You are such a drama queen, you big fat fucking baby! Don’t tell Mom I was that close to dying. But as I was dying, she was posting on her fake page that I was wasting her time. That never happened, you liar.
Jezebel: What fake page??? Who does she talk to?
I have a friend from college that reads it. He tells me what I can handle. Blockhead is a dumbass. I hope you realize he did you no favors. And you obviously couldn’t handle any of it. And as I was actually DYING in the hospital last week, she was posting that I was annoying her. I almost died sis. No, you didn’t; you were dehydrated. That’s all. My potassium was less than half of what it should be. Don’t tell mom. She will freak. I was in the hospital 2.5 days. You were in for about 36 hours.
Jezebel: Sam is crazy and wrong. You deserve better. I’m sorry you are so miserable. I am not crazy. I am not wrong. You, however, are an insufferable bitch.
I can tell you what her fake page is called. But you have to promise to never make a comment on there. Just read it and save it for me. Blockhead, my roommate.
Jezebel: I promise. What is it?
The roommate from college saves it for me.
Jezebel: She’s crazy. You’re a lying whore.
She has a fake page under Harley X. Please don’t comment. Just read and save for me sis. He always calls her sis when he wants to ramp up the drama.
Jezebel: Oh my goodness. Let me look.
Jezebel: I can’t find it. Does it have a picture?
You will freak out with what she says about your little brother. What are you, 5? You’re a grown ass man. And why the hell are you speaking in the third person. I didn’t say anything horrible about her “little brother” either. I gave facts and talked about my own feelings, which I realize you don’t think I’m entitled to have. Don’t comment. Please just read it and tell me what I need to know
Jezebel: I don’t see it when I do a search
I know she was posting on it when I was in the ER. No, I wasn’t, you liar. Because I was a pain in her ass because I was dying. They put 15 liters of fluid in me. A man can only hold 15 liters of fluid total. Ask Husband #3. I was dead. And she didn’t care. Drama much? You WERE NOT DYING! You were dehydrated. They offered to let you go home and recover in your own bed, you whining little pussy.
Search Harley X
Jezebel: That’s awful. I can’t find it.
I am close to just ending the pain sis. I can’t take any more.
Jezebel: Yes you can. You fight. Don’t you dare give up.
Jezebel: Leave her. You are a fucking bitch, Jezebel!
Call me sis. Just talk to me. Have me on speaker and have Husband #3 help me. I am at my end. Oh, the drama. Gather everyone around, but don’t tell mom. Talk me through this because I’m tethered to that evil bitch, Sam. Help me, sis! Help your little brother. Let’s get your husband in on this charade, too.
He tells lies and completely throws me under the bus. And there’s Jezebel telling him I’m crazy, I’m wrong, he deserves better and she’s sorry he’s so miserable with me, and of course, leave her. Oh bitch, you’re going down.
Then I come home and it’s all: You’re my savior. You’re my rock. I can’t live without you. You do so much for me and never complain.
I’m so tired and drained and shocked, honestly, that I can’t even cry. He threw me under the motherfucking bus AGAIN.
Added a few days later: You know, I could almost forgive her since he was telling her such lies. But he’s out of his mind and instead of trying to talk him down she walks him right off the damn cliff. She couldn’t wait to jump in and trash me. Leave her! You deserve better! She’s crazy! She’s wrong.
Present Day Sam Says: Now you have the actual “I was dying” story that I wrote about in Whores & Hurricanes. Total fabrication of what actually happened. And his “fellow Ranger”? Yeah, he’s not a Ranger. The story I heard years ago was that it was one of his biggest disappointments that he didn’t get to go to Ranger school; instead he shipped out to Iraq. When I questioned him about this after he told this man he was a Ranger, too, he said, “Well, I took all the classes. I just didn’t do the field work.” When I told my cousin who lost her son in Afghanistan that story her jaw dropped. Her son really was a Ranger. She said that was total bullshit, which is exactly as I figured. Needless to say, she was absolutely appalled.
Those of you who have been following along for all 104+ of these be honest. Are these horrible things I’ve written? I’ve always found them to be honest and sad. I bottled up my feelings so he wouldn’t have to deal with them since he couldn’t deal with anything, and in return I’m accused of writing horrible things about him and hating him. I own the fact that I didn’t speak up. I acknowledge that I always put him and his feelings ahead of me and my sanity. And what I’ve posted has been some of the juicer stuff. Most of what I wrote about was her or his family. Not him and how much he sucked. There were many pictures of her, many memes- some insipid drivel that she would post on her FB and some that I found and liked, various pictures comparing hairstyles and showing off shopping sprees and cards I purchased. Basically, what you are getting is probably the worst of it, and I personally don’t think the worst of it is all that bad when you get down to it.