Have you been waiting on pins and needles for an update? Me too!
While there is a lot to say I’m not sure how much I want to divulge. I still have a divorce to finalize. Yep, that’s me- faithful to my lying, cheating shit eating chimp of a husband until the very end.
OK, fine. It’s due to the fact that he could accuse me of adultery and get away with not paying spousal support. I may be happy but I still want to make Cousinfucker cry. Nonetheless, I have been good.
What all would you like to know? Everything?!?! <smiles bashfully> I can’t tell you everything. I will tell you I go around grinning like an idiot all day long. He makes me happy. He makes me smile and he makes me laugh. He also thinks I’m hilarious so bonus points for him.
You know, I’ve always wondered about those people who would say they weren’t looking for anybody. They had closed themselves off and yet somehow… I always wondered how that happened that you could be minding your own business, living your life and then BAM! Out of nowhere comes the next great love of your life. How does this happen? Are you walking along when suddenly someone falls out of a tree onto your head? Hey it’s serendipity- with head trauma!
I get it now. I was walking along, minding my own business, when this guy figuratively fell out of a tree onto my head.
The resulting head injury has turned me into the world’s biggest hypocrite. Remember how I wrote about CF and his juvenile need to have me text him all the time? I get it now! The mobster and I text all. the. time. We talk on the phone for hours. We video chat for hours. I’m talking 2, 3, 4, even 5 hours. I have been running on anywhere between 2 and 4 hours of sleep a night. He tells me all the time how fabulous I look and marvels at how I manage on so little sleep. And then I feel guilty for all those times I whined about having to pick my daughter up from work after 10 pm, or bitched and moaned about how tired I was and wondered how I would ever have a social life working the hours I do.
Of course because this is real life it’s not perfect. Yours truly here managed to find herself a guy who lives in the state I just left. Thanks, CF! If you had continued to pay your damn spousal and child support we would be a reasonable distance away from one another. But no! Force me to move out of state and THEN I find this guy. It’s amazing how many ways he manages to fuck with my life, isn’t it?
I know what you’re thinking. “Why, Sam? What are you thinking?” I’m thinking a man fell out of a tree onto my head! It just happened. Kinda like those penises that “accidentally” fall into wandering vaginas, except this really did just happen and we’re not cheating on anyone. I never intended for any of this to happen. And I figure I’m easing myself gradually back into it.
Yet another example of me being a hypocrite was my declaration that I probably wouldn’t date again. Well, look at me! Yes, he’s far away but I look at it as baby steps.
He must think I’m pretty amazing though because he drove all the way here to see me and take me to dinner. Without expecting sex. He came up because he wanted to spend time with me. Again, no sex was had.
I’m not going to gush too much but suffice to say he is sweet, funny, and charming. He sends me song lyrics. He bought me flowers. He drove over 10 hours to see me. He tells me I’m amazing and marvels at everything I’ve gone through. He tells me I’m strong and beautiful and he doesn’t even care that I live with my mother.
I’ve been pretty forthright about my unwillingness to ever depend on a man again, to never allow my life to fall apart should someone else walk out on me. We were discussing this one night because he’s the exact opposite. He wants to one day get remarried. So I was explaining how I pretty much lost everything. I’ve sold off or left behind probably 95% of my belongings. I lost my house. I had to move out of state and back in with my mom. I told him point blank that I refuse to ever let myself be that vulnerable again. So after commiserating with me he tells me, “Look, I’m willing to quit my job and let you support us. That way if anything ever happens you’ll be in control because you make all the money.”
I about died laughing. I don’t know. Maybe some people wouldn’t find that story as charming as I did but I love it. That’s him. What do I need to do to let you know I’m not going to hurt you? How can I make this okay for you? He’s charming, I tell you.
Most importantly though he makes me HAPPY! Yeah, I know. I sound like all those cheaters who justify their actions because “this makes them happy.” Difference is we haven’t stepped all over other people in order to be happy. Nope! He just had to fall out of a tree onto my head.