The Beginning of the Really Dark Days

February 2015

I took a drive today. As I was driving through the mountains I thought about how easy it would be to simply drive off the road into nothing. Empty space. And then a huge crash when my car finally met the ground. They’re just thoughts at this point. My dog was in the car with me and I wouldn’t want to kill him.

I’ve never been a fan of death. I was always one of those that wanted to live forever. But I’m finding more and more often that if I didn’t wake up in the morning I’d be ok with that. I would miss watching my kids grow up. And I’m sure it would be hard on my kids, my mom, maybe my brother. I don’t want to put them through that. Zack would be fine. Like I said I’m pretty sure he’s fucking around with Harley again so this would be perfect for him. He gets to marry his whore and no one is the wiser. He keeps his kids, his money, and the bitch that apparently lives to make him miserable is gone for good. Hell, I’m sure he’d get lots of sympathy.

I won’t do that to my kids but maybe Zack and Harley (Jezebel, too) will get lucky and I’ll get cancer or have a heart attack.

Present Day Sam Says:  Before anyone starts to panic I am fine now.  Even in my darkest days I would recover quickly.