Tightropes & Buses

March 2015

It’s a high volume day, I guess.

You know I was thinking about the juxtaposition between the way I deal with Zack and what he’s done, and how Zack deals with it.  I’ve been walking a tightrope, trying to explain what’s going on with him, trying to explain him telling his sister I hate him and her begging him to leave me, trying to explain everything while not vilifying anyone (Jezebel) and not making anyone look crazy (Zack).  I mean, seriously, how do you explain to anyone why your husband thinks you hate him?  Oh, no reason! He’s just off his rocker.  Or, well, gee, I guess I forgot to tell you this but over a year ago but he had an affair and his guilt is eating him alive.  Would you please come down/up and support him in his time of need?  Thanks!  And you’ve got to explain that one in order to not make Jezebel just look like a complete lunatic who’s coming from out of left field.  So, yeah, that’s me.  Walking a tightrope.  Trying my best to protect him. And what does Zack do?  Well, Zack throws my ass under a bus.  She hates me!  She wrote on her fake FB page that I was wasting her time and annoying her while I was laying DYING in a hospital bed. She has a fake Facebook page and she says awful things about me there!  She’s got pictures of Harley up there!  Yep, just throw me under the bus.  And then when you get your head out of your ass I’m your rock and savior, once again.

I would bet you a million dollars that he never texts her to say:  Hey, Jezebel, you know all those things I told you about my wife?  None of it was true.  Well, she does have a FB page with the name Harley X but that’s it.  She doesn’t hate me.  That was my own guilt over what I did. (Hey, why didn’t you tell me that cheating could lead to a guilty conscience?)  She’s never thrown me out.  She’s never told me she wants a divorce.  In fact, she has always said from the very beginning she wants to make this marriage work. She didn’t write anything on her other FB page while I was in the hospital, much less that I was annoying her and wasting her time.  I’m sorry I text you when I’m drunk and depressed.  It might be better if you take everything I say about my wife with a grain of salt because in the end, I love her and I’m terrified she’s going to leave me.

Just like I’m sure he never told her that I owned up to all my failures as a wife.  Or that I ate the show lettuce so that he didn’t look like the only idiot at the management Christmas party.  Or that I agreed to move across the country even though that meant moving almost 20 hours closer to *her* and knowing full well that I live where I live because of the two of them.  I’m sure he didn’t tell her he never participated in family activities or that I asked him to do a date night with me, or that he kicked me out of our bed because I snored.  Probably didn’t tell her that he wasn’t involved with the kids much or that he left me to do everything with them.  No, I’m sure that was all glossed over so that he looked like the poor put upon victim and I was the ball busting nasty bitch. And yes, I’m aware that sounds mean but I don’t know of a nicer way to put it.

The way I look at it is if creating a fake Facebook page and using the name Harley X was the worst thing I did to him (and her) after their affair they should feel pretty goddamned blessed.

One thought on “Tightropes & Buses

  1. no matter what in their personality disordered mind they are ALWAYS the victim and nothing you say or do will ever change that – that’s why he doesn’t associate with his own children because he would have to face the truth – he will only associate with those that buy in to the spackle

    Liked by 1 person

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