Three Months From D-Day #2

May 2015

Oh boy, lots of stuff has gone on.  It has been a very busy week.  I never mentioned this, but last Wednesday Rock Star got kicked in the face at gymnastics and they ended up calling an ambulance to transport her to the hospital.  I was freaking out, although I don’t know why.  I’ve seen worse.  I was there when she broke her elbow.  I was there when she broke her back.  I was there when she slipped doing a flick on beam and crashed on her head.  This one threw me, though, and we all ended up going to the hospital together.  Zack was excellent.  Rock Star ended up with a broken nose and a gash on her nose that needed stitches.

Friday Zack left to go to Kentucky.  He made it about 40 miles before the anxiety overtook him and he ended up back home.  He was a mess all weekend and spent most of it drinking and sleeping.  I was going to hide his bourbon again but he got shitty with me so I left it.

Friday night/early Saturday morning our cat died.  We had just lost his mom a few months ago.  Friday was also the day I had decided I had had enough with our crappy cell reception.  There were storms and I was getting no service so I went to Best Buy and switched cell phone providers.  That was a debacle in itself. I was there until about 8:15 Friday night before I had to leave to pick Rock Star up from the gym. Then we were there for several hours on Saturday finishing up.

Monday Zack didn’t want to go into work but realized he had to.  He was having an awful morning and nothing seemed to help.  He also thought he was going through withdrawal symptoms from the alcohol because he was shaking and couldn’t keep anything down.  He ended up having me pick him up at 2 that day. Good news was he finally agreed to try EMDR therapy again.

Rock Star’s appointment with the ENT was that day as well.  He did not like the looks of her wound and said her nose did look crooked to him which she confirmed. Since he wanted to restitch the wound so the scar wouldn’t be as noticeable he wanted to do the surgery the very next day so Zack and I both spent most of Tuesday at the hospital.

Today was supposed to be the start of Zack’s therapy but something with work came up so it’s been switched to the 18th. And tomorrow I go in for a surgical consult to see about having my lipoma removed.

I saw a text from Jezebel where she was complaining that the kids don’t even know her.  And when Zack was saying he was so worthless because he couldn’t even drive to see his mom she replied that he only felt that way because he was so miserable with his life. I know I’m very sensitive to anything she has to say when it comes to Zack because it feels like she is salivating at the thought of him leaving me, but it really did feel like she was telling him that if he just had the courage to leave me everything would be ok.  You’re miserable because Sam makes you miserable.  If you leave her, life will be perfect and you will be happy.

There have been a few times when I thought about going through his phone but you know, it’s just not worth it.  I don’t confront him so nothing ever changes.  He gets drunk and down on himself and the next thing you know it’s all about how I don’t care. He portrays me as a horrible person and doesn’t see it at all.  He actually thought he was protecting me in his texts to Blockhead. I’m tired of searching and verifying, and usually, getting hurt by what he’s saying.  If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. I can say now I believe his trip back to Kentucky last weekend was going to be about his mom.  I’m 99% sure of that.  I’ll reserve 1% for doubt just so I don’t look like a total idiot if it turns out I was wrong.

And once again I have to say I’m a little tired of Jezebel playing the victim.  First of all, it’s been 3 years since she’s seen them.  They were 9 and 11, not exactly little babies or even toddlers or small children who might not remember.  Secondly, up until February she could have come to see them.  She could have arranged for them to come see her.  But she chose not to. I blocked her on FB for a short amount of time when Zack’s affair and her encouragement in it came to light.  It was no more than 2 months and probably less than that. And that was one mode of communication.  ONE!  There are dozens.  She has had years to contact them.  She could have messaged Rock Star via FB once the block was off. I know Rock Star continued to follow her on Instagram and I imagine Jezebel was following Rock Star.  If not, that had nothing to do with me.  She could have asked Zack if she had an email address and contacted her that way.  Both kids have a cell phone and have had one for years.  She could have asked Zack for their numbers and he would have given them to her and she could then have texted or called them.  She does not have enough respect for me to even try to play the “I knew their mom didn’t want me around” card.  If she wanted it badly enough she would have seen them or talked to them. Hell, despite the fact that I DON’T want her in contact with my kids now because of the stunt she played in February, she could still ask Zack for their phone numbers and communicate with them. But Jezebel wants to do what Jezebel wants to do and then she expects everyone else to bring themselves to her. She’s not going to go out of her way for something that is not that important to her. Over Christmas she managed to drive her sweet little ass to Florida and then turn around and go to Gatlinburg. Then, because Husband #3’s dad was sick, they returned to Florida for 2 weeks. So it’s not like she doesn’t have the time.  She has it and she spends it the way she wants; unfortunately, she does not care to spend it with us.  We are supposed to come to her and she fits us in between her busy schedule. She has visited us 7 times in 20 years- 5 of those times were for some other event: bridesmaid luncheon, wedding, Rock Star’s birth, jewelry show, Picasso’s birth/jewelry show.  That leaves 2 times in 20 years that she has visited with us just to spend time with us.  And she has not been to our home in almost 13 years.  The last time she visited was when Picasso was a baby. So yeah, I’m tired of hearing excuses. And really, that’s part of the reason I started to pull away even before Zack’s affair.

It got to the point where I was like:  Why am I driving out of my way to see people who can’t be bothered to come see us once in a while? And then my mom and nephew started coming out to Utah so I didn’t go back to Indiana. And if I wasn’t going to Indiana I wasn’t going to Kentucky either. The last time I drove to Indiana was July 2012 and I didn’t go down to Kentucky that year.  I came out for BFF’s bridal shower and then turned around and drove back.  I think I was out there for maybe a week. On the other hand, that’s the same year we went out there for Easter so they had just seen the kids.

Anyway, I’m just done with her.  I can’t take it anymore.  And my husband needs to put me front and center and stand up to her where I’m concerned. I want him to say to her:  Don’t continue to try to undermine my wife.  I love her.  She is the love of my life and I have no intentions of leaving her.  I don’t want to live my life without her and if she ever left me I would be devastated.  She has been by my side for 21 years.  Where have you been, Jezebel?  You haven’t visited me at my home in almost 13 years.  I lived in Utah, 1800 miles away, for almost 8 years and you never once came to visit.  Hell, when I flew across the country and stopped into Kentucky you drove to pick up your son and couldn’t be bothered to drive the extra 10 minutes to Frisch’s to see me.  Sam’s mom and brother drove 10 hours to see me!  Sam herself packed up Rock Star and Picasso and drove 3 hours to see you and Mom when you sang up in Detroit.  Even spent money on a hotel room.  But you couldn’t go 10 minutes out of your way and yet you continue to badmouth my wife.  You’re so concerned that she’s making me miserable and yet when I checked myself into a psychiatric facility at YOUR urging you left me in her hands.  She was the one who came by every day during visiting hours.  She was the one who went out and grabbed magazines and gum and word puzzles for me.  She was the one who spoke up on my behalf at the hospital when there was something she felt they needed to know or when I had questions I didn’t want to ask.  Where were you?  You didn’t visit even once, not even when I got out.  But you could run off to Florida for 2 weeks and be there for your father-in-law that you’ve known all of 2 years. So stop it!  She is my wife and you need to respect that.  When you cheated on Husband #1 with Husband #2 you wanted everyone to accept and embrace Husband #2.  You demanded we respect your choice and your relationship, and we did.  You cheated on Husband #2 with Husband #3 and then demanded we respect your choice and your relationship, and once again we did.  So it would be nice if you could do the same. I’ve been with her for 21 years, married for 20; she’s not going anyplace.  I don’t want to have to pick a side but if I do I’m going to choose her and we will have no relationship.

Present Day Sam Says:  Oh, Sam, you were so stupid! I now firmly believe he intended to go down to see Harley that weekend.  I suppose it doesn’t really matter because in the end he cheated and was planning to leave.

And if anyone is still confused about what victim morphing is, look no further than my darling STBX sister-in-law. Everything is being done to her. She has done nothing wrong.


2 thoughts on “Three Months From D-Day #2

  1. It’s crazy isn’t it when you consider the real source of CF’s anxiety and stress was self-inflicted – having an affair is stressful and makes you crazy because managing all the lying, the cognitive dissonance, and maintaining two lives is extremely stressful – but he would whine and cry around like the PTSD and you were the one who caused it – smh they have no shame.


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