I was reading the comments over on Chump Lady and this one pretty much sums up what I spent thousands of words trying to say.
“No matter how angry you are at me, it is important for our kids’ sake that we show them that we can get along. This is about what they need, not about what you need- you need to put them first.”
Despite stating the obvious, which was she had always put the kids first, the commenter asked for advice on how to respond to that drivel from her ex.
One person offered up this:
… there was no way in hell we were going to be “friends” after what he did to me. I’m not friends or friendly with people like him. And I won’t be friendly with him “for the kids’ sake”. I’m teaching my kids that it’s okay to have firm boundaries set up against abusive people.
I found another answer I liked even better:
“STBX, I think it is important for me to show them that reprehensible behavior has serious and sometimes life long consequences. I want to model healthy boundaries, and show them that they can choose to have healthy people in their lives and minimize or eliminate unhealthy people. I want to remind them that duty goes both ways, and that when someone you love betrays your trust so fundamentally, it is not necessary to keep loving them or to allow them to continue to abuse you. I will model polite cooperation, but I will not pretend to be a happy family or engage in social activities with you.