Getting Through the Anti-versaries

May 2015

Nothing much to say, I suppose.  I could make stuff up.  I got my hair done today.  We’re replacing the air conditioning unit and getting a new humidifier.  Hooray for that!  Now maybe I won’t shock myself next winter!

Yesterday marked the 2 year anti-versry of Zack “confessing” to texting various women.  Actually, it marks the 2 year anti-versary of him being forced to admit he had been texting Harley.

It’s strange how our lives coincide.  My wedding anniversary is in December.  Her wedding anniversary is in December.  My birthday is the same day of the month as her wedding anniversary.  My birthday is at the end of one month.  Her birthday is the end of the following month.  I met Zack at the beginning of May; their affair began right around the same time that our relationship started.  He asked me to marry him on May 7th.  He told his nephew he was going to marry her on May 9th.  He half-heartedly confessed his affair on May 11th.

It takes a lot to stay focused during Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and all summer, basically, because that’s when it all began.  April through August I have to try to disregard any notice of the significance.  Hell, the day after our daughter’s birthday is the day the bitch basically said:  I’m fucking your husband!  And then I can relax until October, which is when I discovered him telling his nephew he was going to marry his whore.  Then I have about another month before our anniversary comes up and I deal with all sorts of triggers with that.  I’m hoping that this year all is good.

I do want to get to that point where we celebrate our anniversary as a victory.  A celebration of all the years of our marriage, not just the blissfully happy ones.  I want to be happy.  I want to be content.  I see some of these women on blogs who are so angry years later and I don’t want to be that.  If the affair is still causing you significant pain and unhappiness 3, 4, 5 years later (in some cases even more), then maybe it’s time to move on.  For my part I don’t read the infidelity blogs much anymore.  I deliberately pass right over them most days.  It helps, I’m sure, that so many of my favorites don’t write much anymore.  That’s the rub.  They write to heal and once they’re healed there is no need to write…

I feel like I have mostly let go of it.  Today I even gave thought to wishing him a happy anniversary on FB this year. I don’t know if that will happen or not but I consider it progress.

Obviously, I am in a situation where the OW won’t go away and die but I try not to think about her too much.  I think about her affair with my husband even less.  I am trying to keep the crazy hidden and look on the positive side.  It doesn’t always work but I am trying and that should count for something.

I guess I’m done for today.  Or for now.

Present Day Sam Says: I feel compelled to point out that when he originally confessed to texting with various women he really was texting various women. He was a male whore. A serial sexter!

I find it sad how much I wanted to believe the lies I was telling myself. It’s going to get better. We’re going to get through this. I need to trust him. I’m evolving. I’m thinking of it less and less. I’m making progress.

You know, marriage shouldn’t be that hard. You shouldn’t be dealing with all that crap. If you are, your marriage is probably already over. Call it! Time of death- May 2015.

 

3 thoughts on “Getting Through the Anti-versaries

  1. You know Sam I told myself all the same lies and after the truth became unignorable (basically him saying get out because I want to move my side piece in) I beat myself up for being SOOOO stupid.

    But now a year later I think – I had nothing to feel ashamed of or beat myself up for. We are supposed to be able to trust our spouse. The failure was all on their side – at least in the case of infidelity. I don’t imagine that there were no problems in our marriage besides the other woman. And I don’t delude myself that I was perfect and he was the cause of all the problems. But like you I believed in the permanence of the vows we made. I told myself I had to keep working, keep trying no matter what because that is what we promised.

    And now – I still feel the same way. I’m glad I tried as long as I did. My conscience is clear about if I really tried. He made the choice to quit. And worse rather than say I’m done he made the choice to cheat. I firmly believe that part of the reason he was such a shit at the end and even part of the reason he started cheating is because he had already decided he wanted out that he wanted to not be married. But he didn’t want to look like the bad guy. He wanted me to quit, to walk away – so he could be the injured party. But I didn’t. So he had to own what a shit he was. And that is a big part of the reason he is still invested in being a shit to me. Because he doesn’t like owning that. He keeps trying to provoke me – because if he does he can run around telling everyone what a bitch I am – see why he absolutely HAD to do what he did? I forced him into it. As if.

    I bet there is an element of that in there with your STBX. He’s still fighting you on support and child support because its a way of keeping score. Of course its about the money itself too. But I bet there is still some part of him thinking if he really did something wrong then the courts would make him pay. And if they don’t then its because he was “right” to do what he did. It lest him off the hook for being a shitty person – even if its only in his own mind.

    Like

    1. That is so true. We weren’t stupid to believe our spouses. We are supposed to trust them!

      I just hope he doesn’t get away with all his crap. I’m really hoping the judge is fed up with him and his games.

      Like

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