My Fantasy Confrontation

October 2015

I sent Rock Star off to Homecoming today. She looked absolutely beautiful and she and her boyfriend seem very happy together.

I usually have a fairly optimistic attitude about this whole divorce thing but every now and then something will hit me and I’ll feel like crying.  Sometimes it’s something as simple as realizing I have wasted my life with my STBX.  Other times it’s seeing parents showing up together to support their kid and realizing that while he wasn’t around much, now I will never have that again.  Or just seeing her friend’s beautiful house and coming to terms with the fact that I thought I had a man who would love me forever and now I’m finding out that’s not true and I will probably lose my own beautiful house.

I was thinking today of what I would love to tell the whore and her dumb ass.  I don’t generally think about that because I know it’s not worth my time.  But today I got feisty.  So here goes:  Did you really believe that bit about him not leaving me last time because he couldn’t “liquidate his assets” quickly enough?  What on earth changed between last time and this time?  He had more time in fact the first time you two pathetic idiots hooked up.  It takes no time at all to open up a new account, or did he tell you that our former state only has one bank and if you already have an account there you can’t open up a separate one in your name only?  Did he not tell you it only takes 24 hours to “liquidate his assets”?  Yeah, and I would have no way of knowing he was doing so because it’s all done through work.  I have no access to it.  I do believe that’s what we normal people call “a lie”.  No, sweetie, he didn’t leave me last time because he loved me and he didn’t want you.  He apparently felt the need to feed you a line so you would get down on your knees and suck his dick despite the fact that he discarded you like the white trash you are.  We both know, though, that he doesn’t need to explain it.  You would have sucked his dick no matter what.  Here’s another fun fact, you twit.  It wouldn’t matter if he liquidated his assets or not.  They’re considered marital property.  Liquidate, don’t liquidate.  It’s all the same to me and I still get half. Do you know that he called you the biggest mistake of his life?  That he said he should have just bought a motorcycle?  I want you to know you can’t fill out my bra, much less my shoes.  You are a low-life, manipulative, deceitful piece of white trash, and a criminal to boot.  He’s with you because he feels superior to you.  He only gets along with people that he believes are beneath him.  I’ve seen too much.  I’ve seen his failures, his weaknesses.  He felt like he could never do right in my eyes because he was a cheater.  So he convinced himself that I hated him and that I was miserable with him and he went sniffing out his white trash cousin, someone he could control, someone he looked down upon. You were a preemptive strike- he figured he would leave me before I could leave him.  He doesn’t think you’ll ever be better than him.  You have a criminal record; you’ve been arrested at least three times.  You send naked pictures to your neighbor while you’re telling my husband how much you want to fuck him.  You’re a whore and a cheater.  No, he definitely does not have to worry about ever feeling inferior to you.  But he did feel inferior to me and he couldn’t take that any longer.  My little whore cousin is still pining away after me; I can go fuck her and then I won’t have to do any of the hard work.  I’ll never have to wonder why she puts up with me; I’ll never have to worry she’ll leave me. I’ve betrayed my wife terribly and I’m not sure she’ll ever completely forgive or trust me so I’ll just go back to my piece of trash ass.  You can have him.  I don’t want him anymore.  You can deal with him being catatonic after he realizes he’s going to be paying me around 70-75% of his paycheck, plus taking on a sizable amount of our marital debt.  You will be willing to suck his dick and let him fuck you up the ass even when he’s not lavishing you and your kids with gifts, won’t you?  You won’t mind when you’re back to working 80 hours a week so that you can help your “soul mate” pay his spousal support, will you?  You won’t mind telling your own kids they’re going to have go without because Mommy has to help Daddy Zack pay his support or otherwise he’ll go to jail?  You can’t fuck him if he’s in jail.  I would tell you I hope it all works out for you but I really don’t.

And you… You traded me in for your white trash cousin.  She’s a criminal.  She’s a liar.  She’s a cheater.  Wow- you really traded up.  I’m sure you won’t be worried at all about whether or not she’ll remain faithful, especially once you realize you aren’t going to be able to be her sugar daddy.  No, I get 70-75% of your paycheck because they base support on your annual income.  I hope you didn’t have any big huge plans for your bonus check because you’re going to need to that to live on.  I mean, feel free to spend it if you want to; God knows I can’t tell you what to do.  But just keep in mind that every penny you blow is one less penny you have to live on…

You’ve traded in your wife, the woman who followed you all around the country and raised your kids, for a lying, cheating, gold digging whore.  You’re with a woman who cheats; do you really think you’re the only affair she’s had?  Oh, honey…  I bet you think you’re “special”.   I guess it’s no biggie if she cheats though because she’s with a man who cheats.  And abandons his children.  But remember that.  If you were so distraught over the thought that I could never forgive you and that caused you to search out your cousin then I can only imagine how distraught you’ll be when you realize you can’t live up to all the promises you made to her.  You must really wonder if she’ll be sending naked pictures to her neighbor again or searching out some other sugar daddy when she realizes that life with you isn’t so “rosy” either.  You’re an idiot if you think she’s with you because she loves you.  The whore spends money like it’s water; she’s never been on a budget and neither has her daughter.  She’s been arrested for writing bad checks for crying out loud!  How bad does it have to be before they actually throw your ass in jail for that?  She sees dollar signs, you jackass.  Face reality.  You’re bald.  You’ve got bad teeth.  Your breath smells like shit, no seriously, literal shit, from all the cheap wine you’re drinking and the Kodiak you’re chewing. You tell the same stories over and over again and you even admitted that most of what you two talked about the first time around was family and the people you both know.  Catching up doesn’t take years; those “common interests” are going to get tired real quick!  And you just spent a week in a psych ward.  You’re depressed, anxiety-ridden and suffer from PTSD, if you weren’t lying about everything.  Regardless, your natural state is misery.  You’re only happy when you’re unhappy.  This honeymoon period will end.  When it does she will realize what she got herself into.  It will probably end right around the time you find out how much money you’re going to be paying me.  I hope she’s as understanding as I was when you were catatonic on the bed in our former state.  Her job might be a little more difficult though because in that situation you got bailed out by your company.  Unfortunately for you I don’t think they have a bailout program for piece of shit SOBs that leave their wives for their cousins after moving them across the damn country.  In other words, you’re on your own.  And if that doesn’t do it I’m sure realizing you’re stuck here in this town unless you can find a job that pays you as much as you earn *annually* at your current company will.  Oh, I really hope I am able to see the look on your face when you realize your plan to move closer to your whore is never going to be realized, and you’re every bit as much stuck and isolated out here in our current state as you were in our former state.

On a more serious note you might want to closely observe your whore’s behavior, especially as it relates to your children.  You supposedly love them so much.  You are supposedly so devastated over the fact that they won’t talk to you.  But your sweet little piece of ass posts all over social media to you and about you, even going so far as to bemoan the fact that she’s so sleepless because her married lover isn’t warming her bed.  Your daughter sees it and confronts you, obviously upset over it.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say you told her your daughter saw it.  I’m not quite sure you’re evolved enough to have actually told her to knock that shit off.  Nonetheless, do you know what your little bitch’s response to your daughter seeing her father’s mistress posting about missing him from her bed?  Oh, it wasn’t to actually stop doing that crap.  No, it was to block your daughter.  I think we’ve already determined that she’s a manipulative bitch and this is simply another example.  She has to know your daughter can’t stand her. So what does she do?  Does she send her a private message, actually apologizing for her crass behavior?  Telling her she realizes she was only thinking of herself and she’s sorry?  No!  She blocks her.  She throws gasoline right on that fire.  Now she’s thrown down that gauntlet.  Every time you choose to spend any time with your kids, you won’t be able to spend time with her.  And we both know you’ll choose a piece of ass over your kids each and every time.  If she really cared about you and cared about your kids she would own her behavior. But she doesn’t, so she doesn’t.  She’s like every other second wife/mistress out there, trying to eliminate the kids from the first relationship so that she and her kids can have everything. And you’re so stupid you fall for it. “Oh, they all love me!  They think I’m the most awesome thing ever!”  No they don’t.  They see you as a wallet, a chump.  Her kids talk shit about you behind your back and she’s spreading her ass wide so that you’ll buy her pretty sparkly things!  The absolute best part is how you turn all of your shitty behavior around and act like you’re a victim.  But you’re no better than your whore; in fact, I think you’re worse.  Afterall, they are your kids.  She has no obligation to them; you do.  First you basically call your daughter a liar when she confronts you, and then you try to blame me.  And when you find out that your dearly beloved really did post that drivel you don’t have big enough balls to apologize.  Instead you avert.  Let me cry on your shoulder so you can feel sorry for me! Oh boo hoo my kids won’t talk to me!  Oh poor me- my wife had a blog where she talked about her feelings after I cheated on her with my cousin.  I’m a victim.  I had to stick my dick in that whore.  It’s all your mom’s fault. She hated me!  Yes, that’s right.  She hated me so much she moved 2000 miles across the country, away from all of her friends, in order to support my desires.  She moved 6 hours away from my mistress instead of keeping a good 25 hours of distance between us all.  She hated me so much she uprooted you two kids from the only life you ever really knew and had you start all over here, in this town we moved to because I had the hots for my cousin 2 years ago and started putting a plan into motion to get closer to her.

Let’s get something straight right now.  I didn’t hate you.  I was very clear that not only did I want our marriage to continue but I also wanted us to be happy.  That’s why I spent an entire fucking summer in a hot garage listening to rap music with you.  It’s why I would text you and tell you I was going to the grocery store and then to Target and then to PetSmart and then and then and then.  It’s why I would send you naked pictures like you liked. It’s why I AGREED TO UPROOT ALL OF US FROM A PLACE WHERE THREE OUT OF FOUR OF US WERE HAPPY AND  MOVE ACROSS THE DAMN COUNTRY FOR YOU!  If I hated you and wanted nothing else than to make you miserable then I sure did a piss poor job of protecting myself.  I never asked you to sign a post nup, giving me everything if you cheated again.  I didn’t immediately get my ass back to school for a more marketable degree or start looking for a job so I’d have some financial independence. Oh, and once again, since this bears repeating over and over, I didn’t refuse to move across the country so you could have your dream job.  What did I do?  I moved 6 hours away from your cousin/mistress. I sold my house which we had lived in for 8 years to buy a house that cost over $100,000 more than the one we left.  I bought a new car. I bought all new furniture for the new house.  All of those purchases- I could have been saving that money for my future divorce. We put a $57,000 pool in the backyard- using savings, taking out a loan, and cashing in stock.  Yes, my brilliant idea was to liquidate all of our assets on a big hole in the backyard that we would never enjoy.  I decided to top that off with accruing another $20,000 in debt. Because I hated you and wanted to make you miserable and I figured this would get me the best possible divorce settlement ever.  Yep, let’s spend every dime and rack up the debt!

Back to your crazy cousin and her delightful way with your children.  You both might want to remember that all your daughter needs to do is borrow someone else’s phone or computer and she can still see everything. Hell, she doesn’t even need to borrow it; all she needs is their password and login.  Or she can simply create a new page and see things that way.  How about until you’re actually divorced your whore stops acting like you two are a legitimate couple?  That would probably be the prudent thing.  Because right now?  You’re just two dogs in heat. You’re two people fucking each other while you’re both married to other people.  Believe me, I don’t mind. I don’t mind you being an idiot when it comes to my kids, that is.  I don’t want to share my kids with you and you’re making it extremely easy for them to hate you and want absolutely nothing to do with you.  So thanks! But I do realize it’s far better for them to actually think you care about them so with that in mind I’ll give you a little piece of advice:  Stop acting like a victim and own your behavior.  You would get a hell of a lot further with both of them if you just ‘fessed up.  Hey, kids, I leave every weekend because my skank ass cousin lives in my home state and I have to go down there to fuck her every weekend.  Perhaps a bit too graphic.  Maybe you should go with:  Kids, I don’t have an excuse.  I know what I’m doing is wrong but I don’t care; I love her and I want to be with her.  All I care about is myself and my mistress and her kids.  As your aunt always tells me:  Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about anything else! I’m the only person who matters.  My happiness is the most important thing and if you really loved me you wouldn’t care that I’m upending your lives.  You would simply be happy for me since I’m finally happy, fucking another woman and cheating on your mom.  Now kids, you need to understand that you two will always come after her and her kids so get used to it.  If you want to have a relationship with me you’re going to have to accept her and her kids because we are a package deal.  I love you two but not as much as I love her.  I leave every weekend not because I’m not welcome like I told you before but because I want to be with her.  There is absolutely nothing that any of you could do that would make it worth it to me to stay with you over the weekend.  In fact, I’m trying to find a new job that is closer to her so I don’t have to drive so far to see her every weekend.  I’ve never been much of a father to either of you so I don’t think my absence will be felt all that much.  You’ll both be fine.  Your mom did it all before this so nothing much will change.  I just won’t be upstairs in my room ignoring you; I’ll be 6-8 hours away ignoring you.

Should I Feel More?

October 2015

Is it wrong that I’m not more torn up about this divorce?  I feel like I should be shattered into a million pieces but I’m not.  I don’t know if it’s because of everything I went through before the first time, or everything I’ve dealt with since late December, or simply because once I found out I was pretty much done with him.  I just feel like I should FEEL something more.  But I don’t.  I’m relieved.  I’m sad my kids aren’t going to grow up in an intact home.  I’m sorry I’m losing a bunch of my income.  I’m sorry I may have to sell this house after only living here a short time.  I’m sorry I’m getting a divorce in the sense that I failed; I feel like used goods sometimes.  I look around and see all these people where the couples have been together forever and here I am, staring divorce in the face.  But other than that I’m good.  I’m belting out songs by Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert, to name a few.  I regret the life I’m losing but I don’t regret losing the man.  I’m pissed when I think about everything he’s buying the whore and her kids and how he’s treating his own kids, but I don’t want him.  Unlike a lot of people, especially those who divorce when the kids are young, I don’t think I’m going to have to co-parent with him.  He’s trying to move out of state.  The kids are old enough to say they don’t want to go with him.  They are old enough to be told the truth about what’s happening.  They know their father had an affair. They know who the other woman is.  They have no desire to meet her and can articulate that to their dumbass dad if he tries to push the issue.  They have chosen to cut off all ties to their grandparents.  I know I should think long term but I’m happy about that.  I’m happy I don’t have to worry about having her whore cooties on my kids.  I don’t have to worry that his relatives will bad mouth me to my kids.  I don’t have to miss out on holidays with my kids.  I’m good.  All around good.

What Does the Judge Say?

I’ve kept you in suspense long enough, my faithful readers. You got the bare bones of the judgement almost a week ago so now I’ll fill in the good parts. And they’re really good!

First, the judge considered his resignation letter to be a key piece of evidence in this trial. CF had said in his letter that he loved his job and that location was the only reason he was resigning. This was in stark contrast to the story his attorney tried to paint, which was that he couldn’t handle the new social responsibilities of his position. The judge also noted that while he made mention of needing to be closer to his mother, brother, and sister, he didn’t mention his girlfriend and yet he moved directly into her home. Additionally, he pointed out that CF had been driving 6 hours each way to see her each weekend.

When looking at each of our expenses he noted CF’s share of his rent and utilities, which he classified as “expensive”. His opinion was that CF had the ability to pay and he could have paid me more than he has been. He also outright stated that considering what he has been paying to me it appears that his major efforts and monies have been expended helping his girlfriend and her children. Yes! Vindicated, baby; vindicated!

He labeled my expenses as reasonable, especially considering our standard of living before the divorce. Additionally, he deemed the expenses for Rock Star’s cheerleading as reasonable as well, noting that this was the type of activity that would have been allowed prior to our separation.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned it but his lawyer was big on trying to make my expenses seem extravagant. $90/month on nails! $500/month for cheerleading! $100/month for hair! She’s outrageous, Your Honor! Well, Your Honor didn’t think so!

I was told my expenses seemed reasonable, while his seemed quite expensive and focused on his girlfriend and her kids.

There was some discussion over our opposing expert witnesses. It was brought up that his expert had to throw out one of his tests because it was so obviously fake. He had some of the highest “bad” scores possible when it came to PTSD. The test was deemed invalid. Nonetheless, his expert opined that his job loss came about because of his untreated mental issues and drinking was simply his way of coping with them.

My expert, on the other hand, suggested that he had been able to function perfectly well for 24-25 years after this self-reported trauma. He married, had children, and worked his way up the corporate ladder. His conclusion was that he lost his job due to alcoholism, not PTSD. He had many chances to get help and he chose to refuse them at every turn.

In the end, this is what the judge said: This Court determines that the Husband’s mental health issues were something that he and the family were able to cope with, and that he was able to perform well at work. His exit interview documents are noteworthy in this regard. However, what changed, and what suddenly seemed to necessitate quitting his great job and heading to Kentucky, was his affair with Harley Buttface. When Husband left Whoreville for Kentucky, he immediately moved in with his girlfriend and her children. Adding the stressor of an affair to his personal situation, effectively causing the breakup of his marriage, was a self-inflicted wound that has to be factored in here. Until his involvement with another woman, he was able to find a way to be successful with his employment, working around any mental health issues he had.

In the end the judge ruled that him being intoxicated at work was an intentional act that he had control over and was not due to PTSD or other untreated mental illness. He pointed out that it was treatable in advance and, as my expert said, he chose not to seek help for it.

Thank you, Your Honor! That is the difference between taking his actual wages versus imputing at a higher rate.

Later in the ruling he pointed out that I had tried many times to get him help but I could never get him to stick to long term treatment. So much for being a cold-hearted she-beast who only stayed for the money! In another section he took note of the fact that I made his psychiatrist appointment for him after his release from the psych ward after he wouldn’t do it himself, that I went with him once, and that I found a therapist for him and went with him to all of those appointments.

Also of note was the fact that we were acquiring a substantial nest egg until he walked away from his job and continued his downward spiral. I am glad he recognized that.

The judge believed that I was working to the fullest of my ability and that I was at my maximum earning potential. He tossed aside the idea that I should be working a second job, pointing out that I was taking care of our two teenage children. Then he added that CF could be earning more money. I’m sure that’s not what CF and his attorney wanted to hear.

Finally, right before he announced what he would be ordering CF to pay he really handed his ass to him, noting that the industry he is in by his own words is a family like industry where you move up by being flexible and relocating. He wrote:  This is how Husband moved up in the industry, being transferred from place to place, with each stop an opportunity to run a bigger and better plant, and make more money. This is exactly what he did. Now, Husband insists on staying in Kentucky, where he can only produce half of the $200,000 annual salary he was able to earn elsewhere for himself and his family. Accordingly, his insistence on staying in Kentucky keeps him from making approximately $200,000 per year, which he is perfectly capable of doing. He has had other employers call and put out feelers but he refuses to discuss employment outside of Kentucky. He agrees that his salary is all he can earn in Kentucky at this small plant, and he would have to relocate to earn more money.

He admits he was in a relationship with Harley when he resigned his job to go to Kentucky. He admits he went there and moved in with her. He admits that for months he had been driving to Kentucky to spend weekends with her. He admits he rents a nice home with a pool, club house, and four bedrooms, with Harley and her two children.

Husband clearly can earn more salary if he is willing to relocate, which is a norm in his industry, and under the facts of this case, finding the girlfriend to be a major reason for staying in Kentucky, the court will impute income to him of $170,000.00 per year.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that decision was handed down. Hey, Harley, look! You’ve got a starring role in your married fiancé’s divorce ruling. Aren’t you special? You are why your fiancé is expected to make more money. You are why the court isn’t feeling especially sympathetic to his plight and his need to remain in Kentucky. You have been found to be a major reason why he’s not meeting his court ordered obligations. Don’t you feel special? I sure hope CF thinks you’re still worth it. On the bright side you can now brag your pussy is worth at least $4600/month.

Ultimately he found him in contempt once again for not paying his court ordered support. He has 45 days to pay me the arrears or he incurs an additional $10,000 fine. He did not find his explanation for the stopped checks credible. In fact, he even said that CF had hurt his credibility with his story of stopping the checks because too much time had gone by and he was afraid they had been lost or stolen. It was such a bullshit story anyway. It didn’t help when I could pull out my log and tell the judge exactly when the checks were written and when they were deposited. In one case only four or five days has elapsed and I had to get the damn check through the mail. He went on to tell him that he thought he stopped payment to be “mean spirited” to me and that if he truly thought something had happened to the checks that was preventing me from depositing them he could have called me and yet he chose not to.

Nothing juicy was written about him paying my legal fees. It was noted that my legal fees came to $26,799.78 and I was asking for him to pay because of our income discrepancy, the fact that his behavior resulted in the divorce, and his income potential. I left out the part about paying for his whore’s divorce. My attorney had cautioned me that he probably wouldn’t give me all of my attorney fees but he would more than likely give me something. Yes, well, it turns out he ordered him to pay me $25,000. He does have a year from the date the decree is signed but he owes me.

The best part though? I wasn’t dinged at any point in this opinion. There was no: She’s obviously a frivolous spender who is asking for way more than she needs. She is fabricating her expenses. Her poor housekeeping skills prevent me from awarding her anything more than a $10/week allowance. She wasn’t credible. She contributed to the decline of her marriage. It was obvious she was there for the money alone and never acted as a wife to him. Nope. My lawyer told me I came across as very honest and very credible. She must have been right because aside from the fact that we asked for $4000/month in spousal support and got $2800 the judgement couldn’t have gone any better!

He now has been ordered to pay me $1000 more per month than he has been paying (or ordered to pay; let’s be real here.). It’s also $600 more than what my lawyer originally suggested as a settlement offer if I wanted to try to settle. He is paying about $100 less than what he was told he would have to pay me when he first visited an attorney way back in August or September of 2015, and $2000 less than he paid in temporary support (at least for 5 months) so I would count that as almost a win for him. I’ll let him have that seeing as how I got everything else.

P.S. He was also ordered to pay 71% of out-of-pocket medical expenses for the kids. That’s going to hurt seeing as I have a high deductible plan. Oh well! That’s what happens when you leave your high paying job with great insurance to be with a whore.

Feeling Sorry For the Soul-less

I am an idiot. I truly am. But I’m getting better!

As I sat in that courtroom over a week ago I felt myself feeling bad for Cousinfucker. I think it might have been when his attorney asked him why he married me and he replied that he thought he had found someone who accepted him, someone who loved him despite all his issues. At that moment I felt like I had failed. He had married me because I loved him and accepted him, warts and all, and then I let him down. I didn’t do enough. I didn’t love him hard enough. I wasn’t accepting enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I had failed him as a wife somehow despite all of my good intentions back on December 10th, 1994.

I bought into it, folks. I listened as he choked up. I watched as he sat at his table, wringing his hands. I fell for it. I felt bad. I thought to myself, “This is what we’ve come to. Twenty-three years after meeting and this is how it ends. I once loved this person. I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to raise a family with him. I was his partner. His biggest cheerleader. His constant support. What the hell happened?”

At one point I even thought to myself, “I’ve broken him down enough. I can feel content with whatever the judge rules.”

I felt bad for him when he talked about his crappy car and how he couldn’t get a loan because his credit was crap. I felt bad when he talked about not being able to get another VA loan unless he repaid them the $76,000 they had to pay to cover the loss on our house. I felt bad for him when he talked about not being able to cope, needing a support system, his sick mom, and not being able to find another job that paid as well as his old one. I felt bad for him when he said he had applied for over 60 jobs and was turned down for many of them because he “made too much money” and they couldn’t meet his salary demands. I even felt bad about the fact that he was going to be left with pretty much nothing in his retirement because he was going to have to use most of it to pay his arrears to me and might end up having to pay another $10,000 or more to me in legal fees.

Then I got over it. He’s so very good at making himself into a victim that even when you’ve been there every step of the way you can still sometimes be sucked into it.

Let’s start with the obvious. He chose this for himself. He chose to have an affair. He knew he would lose half. He should have known it wasn’t going to be cheap. And yet for months he and Harley spent like drunken sailors on shore leave. I will repeat that he handed over approximately $5000 PER MONTH to her with no bills on his part. I am the one who paid the mortgage, the phone bill, the marital debt, the car payment, the car insurance, and the utilities. His money went for frivolous things for the whore and her kids. They lived large while my kids and I pinched pennies. FIVE GRAND! She bought Vera Bradley crap, spent it at the sporting goods store, bought a $300 dress for her daughter, spent $800 on Christmas gifts, ate out, paid her utilities, installed DirecTV, paid for glasses for the entire family, went on vacation, paid for her divorce… hell, they lived it up.

That’s not even taking into consideration the almost $6200 worth of stock he cashed in, or the $5000 loan he took out on his 401k. All of that gone! That paid for the new puppies he bought her kids and the $4200 engagement ring he bought the whore.

Hey, do you think that if instead of handing over every penny to the whore he actually saved some of that he might not be in the situation he’s in now? As my mom said, “He should have bought himself a damn new car when he had $5000 a month to blow!” Exactly!

He would have had more money if he hadn’t watched a damn pool being constructed in our backyard the entire time he was carrying on with Harley. He could have stopped it when the contractor told us it would cost an extra $11k to excavate the boulders from our yard. He didn’t. He kept up the charade. He could have stopped me from spending the extra on the stamped concrete and the lights in the concrete. He didn’t. He kept up the charade. He kept up that charade to the tune of $57,000! Funny thing about that…

I told him the money I had placed in the separate account was supposed to go towards paying off the pool. I gave him a bill for his half of the household expenses. He didn’t want to listen or comply. Oh no! He wanted to give Harley five grand a month. He wanted to cut off me and his kids. No way to buy groceries? Oh well! Use the money you took, the money that has been set aside to pay for that pool. So instead of splitting $30,000+ we got to split $15,000+. That’s all on him. Not that it would have made much of a difference. I’m sure even if he had done it the way I wanted he still wouldn’t have any of that money left because Harley does indeed spend it like water, just as The Saint told me.

Here’s another fact. According to our temporary support order he was to pay off the pool with the bonus money and then we were to split the remainder. Guess which one of us still had that $8085 in their account come June when he was forced to resign and which one of us had blown through every penny. Can you guess? Can you? If you said, “I think it was Sam that still had the money,” then you would be absolutely correct!

Where did all of his money go? It sure didn’t go to pay child support. I’m thinking that $8000 might have bought a pretty nice used car. But instead it all went to Harley and her kids. Now he has the sadz because he can’t buy a car.

I find it very interesting that he whines that I spent every dime he ever made and he had nothing to show for it, and she whines that The Saint spent her into bankruptcy three times, and yet when you put the two financial geniuses together they have a whopping $165 in their joint bank account right before Christmas. I’m thinking maybe I’m not the problem…

The nitwit had $5000 to spend every month and still he charged thousands of dollars on his American Express.Then he didn’t pay the bill because he blew through all his money!

When you get right down to it he and Harley lived it up like there was no tomorrow and now their note is being called in; it’s time for them to pay up. It’s going to hurt. A lot. Because he hasn’t done the right thing one damn time for the last two plus years.

If that’s not enough to make you say, “Hell no I won’t feel sorry for him! He brought it all upon himself!” then let’s try this on for size.

He and his whore moved from her trashy home into an upscale house with a community pool and clubhouse. It looks almost identical to the house he forced his own children to flee. They voluntarily took on this new, higher rent payment and the supposed higher utility bills, and now everyone is supposed to feel sorry for him. They’ve also voluntarily put over $1000 in repairs to this rental in exchange for reductions in rent or pet deposits. Hey, guess who’s problem that is? Not mine! He chose that. Maybe he shouldn’t have bought Harley and her kids two new dogs.

Between the two of them they bring home over $11,000/month. I don’t know what her bills were like before she began shacking up with my husband, but I can tell you CF hasn’t paid a single marital bill since I busted his sorry ass. He hasn’t paid any bill associated with me since I busted his sorry ass. I also know that according to him in his sworn testimony he was completely financially supported by his whore, which makes me think she makes enough money to cover all of their household bills. That makes his earnings extra. Play money, if you will. Additionally, he has dropped over $3500/month in bills, at a minimum. And still he cries poverty. Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, maybe they shouldn’t have taken on such an expensive home when he had a substantial support payment to make. The utilities seem to be killing them. Find yourself a nice little 3 bedroom apartment. I bet they’d save a lot of money that way. I know. I’m such a helper.

As my attorney pointed out, he has plenty of money. He just prioritizes everything over me and his kids.

If it’s true that he can’t get a higher paying job due to the area then that, too, is his own fault. He could move me and our kids all around the country but suddenly he needs to stay in one place. He tries to make it sound like it’s because his “support system” is there, but as my attorney declared in court, “You don’t want to leave your girlfriend.” So the kids and I are supposed to do without because he wants to get laid on a regular basis. Again, feel real sorry for him.

That 401k he cashed in? That supposedly went to his stepfather to pay him back. Pastor Fake and Tammy Faye haven’t had an extra dime to their name in 20 years. I find it terribly hard to believe they loaned him any money. Again, as my lawyer pointed out, if his story is true he chose to pay back Pastor Fake instead of sending a dime of support money to his children. Hey- maybe he should have bought a car!

I admit it. I fall for it initially. I feel bad because he has almost no retirement. I feel bad because his car is falling apart and he can’t get a loan. I feel bad because his kids won’t talk to him. I feel bad because he might end up having to pay a substantial amount of my legal bills. I feel bad for him because he can’t pay his own legal bills. I feel bad for him because the tax implications of what he has done are going to end up costing him an arm and a leg.

And then I get over it. Not because I’m a cold hearted bitch but because in every circumstance he brought it upon himself.

That car of his that is falling apart now? It had low, low mileage on it until he chose to start his affair with Harley. Driving 600 miles round trip every weekend for 6 months will put some definite wear and tear on your car. According to his court testimony he moved in with Harley when he moved so he was actually commuting the two hours each way to work for the four months he had a job. That’s another great way to put plenty of miles on your car. And now you want me to feel sorry for you because your car suddenly has over 100,000 miles on it? I don’t think so.

He voluntarily left his great paying job of 15 years so he could get closer to his whore. He tried to convince the judge he moved because he was forced to, but as I always like to point out the order said vacate the marital residence OR pay $750/month in rent. Or. It’s a very important word. It also said nothing about quitting his job and moving out of the damn state.

I would still have money in the bank if he had not lost his job and basically said, “Sayonara!” And get this- I still had money in the bank despite the fact that I was paying 100% of the household bills on roughly 66% of his paycheck. Granted, for that short period of time he was only keeping about $3200 of his check. Before you cry too many tears for him keep in mind he had no bills either. Maybe he had to pay his phone bill, but aside from that- no bills. His car was paid off. I was paying his car insurance. I was left with all of the marital debt to pay. And he was living with his whore of a girlfriend so no apartment or utilities of his own.

He had no nest egg because he and Harley played and played and played with all that money he brought in. He didn’t save a damn thing. He left restricted stock behind; he could be cashing in close to $10,000 a year for the next four years. He’d have to split it with me, of course, but after that, it would all be his. He blew through the money he got from selling his remaining stock. He blew through $5000 and then $3000 a month plus his $8000 bonus. He chose that course of action. He took vacations and bribed kids and spoiled a whore. Now it’s time to pay the piper. It must really suck.

I feel bad about him no longer having any kind of retirement, too, but again that is all on him. I didn’t tell him to take out a $5000 loan on his 401k to buy Harley an engagement ring. Why in the fuck did he need to take a loan out on his 401k anyway? He had FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH to just play with. He had just cashed in almost $6200 worth of stock. I saw the receipts for the damn ring. It cost $4200. So why did he need an additional $5000 loan? I sure as hell didn’t tell him it would be a great idea to quit his damn job before he paid the loan off. That cost him in taxes and penalties, I’m sure.

He voluntarily cashed in his other 401k. He didn’t use it to pay support. He used it for God only knows what. Probably more trinkets for the whore and her kids. More trips. More fun. And now let’s everyone feel sorry for him. Nope. Not going to do it.

I don’t think there’s any way around him taking a big chunk out of his 401k for the first set of arrears. He could have mitigated the damage, though. He could have worked a part time job; he was in full-time treatment for less than a week and then went down to half days and then even less often than that. I worked two jobs. I worked retail. I worked jobs that didn’t require a college education. Why couldn’t he? Oh, that’s right. He didn’t want to. Would it have covered his entire support obligation. No, he’d still be behind but he wouldn’t have owed $28,800. He could have sent me something all along. He could have asked a family member or his whore. “Hey, you all encouraged me to leave her. Can you help a fellow out, please?”

When he was forced to resign he was paid around $4000 for that month. He kept every penny. Didn’t send me anything. That would have alleviated his burden. He chose to hand it over to Harley and her kids.

He definitely could have avoided the second set. He got a new job. He chose to put everyone and everything before me and the kids. Had he told his whore, “Hey- I’ve got this new job and I know it seems like I’m bringing in good money again, but keep in mind I owe Sam over half of my paycheck so we need to budget based on what I have left over after I pay her,” then he wouldn’t need to take yet another huge chunk out of what is left of his 401k. I still think Harley wanted her $5k that she had grown accustomed to and so he gave me whatever was left over after she had her fill.

There would also be more had he not taken considerably more than he needed to pay me my first set of arrears. Remember, he owed me $28,000 and took out $50,000. Even with the taxes he still had over $12,000 left. I’m sure he spent lavishly on the whore and her kids once again. So guess what? Those feelings of sympathy are quickly fading away.

It’s the same thing with his legal bills and all the tax implications he may be facing come tax time. These are all things he’s brought upon himself. He chooses to play first and then worry about bills. He is obviously adopting Tammy Faye’s philosophy of letting the Lord provide. He must have forgotten that the Lord provided by having him pay for Tammy Faye’s financial mishaps. He doesn’t have a Cousinfucker around to pay his bills. Jezebel isn’t going to do it. She’s all about herself and what she wants. Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake can’t do it. I don’t see Blockhead taking away from his own family to give to his alcoholic “best friend” that made him look like an ass at his company. And Harley won’t do it because she thought she had found herself a sugar daddy. She’s not looking to support another husband. She wants him contributing to her lavish lifestyle.

Furthermore, if he hadn’t been such a colossal dick about everything I wouldn’t have the legal bills I have. The bill my lawyer submitted to the courts totaled $19,000. It didn’t include the expert witness (over $5000) or my first attorney’s fees (approximately $2500) and I’m not sure it included the trial (9.5 hours at $250/hour- not a cheap day).

He’s the one that chose to move out of state and quit his job without saying a word to me, letting me just guess as to what was going on and whether or not he planned to ever pay another dime in support.

He’s the one that then lost his new job due to drinking repeatedly at work. It came out during court he had been warned upwards of ten times!

He’s the one that chose to keep me in the dark about what was going on when he lost his job. From June until January, piecing together what little bits of information I was given via lawyers, I thought he had been readmitted to the psych ward. It wasn’t until January of this year that I found out he had checked himself into the VA for alcohol treatment. It was around that time that I also found out he hadn’t been in full time. He was there for about 3 days and then did outpatient.

He never bothered to keep me informed. He never bothered to send even a hundred dollars our way. He never bothered to respond to my email letting him know we had moved. He never asked about the kids. He never told me he was looking for a job and would try to send money. We were never a thought for him.

He had no intentions of trying to make a good faith offer. He offered up $700/month in spousal support for 9 1/2 years and didn’t want to pay even table support for his children.

So yes, he can help pay my legal bills.

I think he fared pretty well in our property settlement. I still believe he got away with a lot of shit he shouldn’t have. For starters he got to count the $27,000 I took to support our children when he tried to financially strangle us, against me. The tens of thousands of dollars he walked away from in restricted stock was never even addressed. Even though everything else (money spent on Harley, the stock cashed in, the arrears) was accounted for in the final tally he got to roll everything into the 401k and add and subtract from that. I have no doubt he’ll whine to everyone that he had to take on almost all of the debt. He’ll forget to add on the part where I had to pay him for 50% of that debt, and that the 50% I paid was the debt that was on paper. It wasn’t what he ended up settling the debt for.

Don’t even get me started on his kids not talking to him! He brought all of that shit on himself. I told him in no uncertain terms that his daughter would refuse to have anything to do with either of us if we cheated. I knew this for a fact.

The summer of ’13 when he was, unbeknownst to me, still carrying on his affair with Harley, Rock Star and I went to the gym together. She told me afterwards that a guy there had scared her. I asked her what had happened, thinking maybe someone had yelled at her or been mean to her. It turned out some guy who “looked like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson” had smiled at her. Scary, I know! So I jokingly told her, “If some guy that looked like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson smiled at me I’d be saying, ‘Hello there!’ and smiling right back!”

She was appalled! “Mom, if you ever cheated on my dad I would never speak to you again! I’d go live with him. I wouldn’t have anything to do with you.”

Knowing about his dalliance with Harley (which I thought was over) I asked what would happen if her dad cheated. She told me it would be the same thing. She’d have nothing to do with him and would live with me.

I told him about this conversation after he was busted later that summer. I told him that and I told him that Rock Star would have hated Harley and would never have gotten along with her kids. He knew all that. He even admitted that both kids were much closer to me than to him. Yet he still chose to have another affair with her. He chose to abandon his children to be with her.

He’s the one that couldn’t be bothered to talk to his kids when he lived in the same house. He’s the one that has chosen not to drive to see his kids even one time since he left town in February of 2016. He’s the one that spent hundreds, if not thousands, on kids that didn’t belong to him while spending nothing on his own flesh and blood. He’s the one that couldn’t be bothered to do things with or for his own kids while he trips over himself to prove what a great dad he is to the whore’s kids. He’s the one that has chosen to focus on himself each and every time he texts his daughter, and he’s the one that has chosen to basically ignore his son. He’s the one that has orchestrated all of this. Turns out he’s a horrible conductor.

Each time I start to feel sorry for him and his current circumstances I need to think about myself last year around this time. I was working two jobs, 16 hours a day some days. I went in at 2 and 3 in the morning. I was barely making ends meet and if not for my mother the kids and I would have been homeless. I went in to work at 4 am on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was simply my first day off in 21 days; there was no joy. I’d get to turn around and work another 6 days in a row when the New Year’s Day holiday would give me another day off.

I need to think about all the times I cried because I had no idea what was going on. Way back in February of 2016 when he moved out of state without a word to us. June of 2016 when he simply told me he had lost his job and wouldn’t be sending me anymore money. I cried every day for damn near a year because of him and his choices, so if he’s feeling a little down now because consequences are finally catching up to him then too damn bad!

I need to think about the utter chaos he has brought into my kid’s lives. I need to picture them both when I had to tell them their dad and I were getting a divorce and he had a girlfriend; I need to remember how they burst into tears. I need the image of Rock Star’s face seared into my brain when I had to break the news to her that we would have to move. Again. I need to remind myself of how unhappy she was for the first four months or so after we moved, and how devastated she was when she discovered she couldn’t get her license on time. All thanks to her dear old dad who was living it up with his whore and her kids. I need to remember all the times I had to tell them I couldn’t do something for them. Couldn’t buy something for them. Couldn’t be there for something for them. All because he decided he could do better.

I have had a conversation with Picasso recently where he said he would be willing to meet with his dad if his dad actually made an effort. If his dad showed up where he lived he would go with him because that, to him, would show effort; he would not turn him away. He would be willing to listen and spend time with him. Texting him, sending him a gift with a message, sending him a card, or posting on Facebook aren’t acts of effort according to him.

I have seriously mulled over the idea of contacting him and letting him know this. I’ve also considered letting him know about Rock Star’s upcoming cheer competition.

Here’s what trips me up. I don’t think he really cares. I honestly don’t. I think he said what he needed to say to not look like a complete ass in court. I don’t think he gives these kids one fucking thought. For all of his fake tears and supposed remorse they are not at the forefront of his mind. I think letting him know any of this would basically be begging him to show an interest in them. I’m not sure it would do any good and I would hate for them to ever find out he’s been given chance after chance to be a part of their lives and he’s declined each and every invitation. I think he likes to use them as a chance to play the victim. It’s a great way for everyone to feel sorry for him because his mean ex-wife has alienated his children against him and he loves them and misses them so much. He has done nothing to be a part of his kids’ lives. He did nothing when he lived with them. He has done nothing now. He moved out of the fucking state without saying a word to them. He didn’t let them know he was moving out of the house, much less moving 6 or 7 hours away. He doesn’t text regularly. He doesn’t call. He has never once bothered to drive to see his kids since moving out.

I saw a very powerful comment on Chump Lady today which relates to this. I think it’s worth repeating and definitely worth taking to heart:

…I look at the now ex’s life through my own lens. I see his world and life how I would see and feel it. I can’t imagine how it would feel to be him and have lost everything that I hold dear. But there is where the fault in my viewpoint is. These are things I hold dear. Not the ex. I see life through my empathy, my values, my happiness. He doesn’t see his life this way.

Wise words and they are ones I will remember.

In the end he did this to himself. He chose this. He listened to everyone he had previously said didn’t care about him and he took their advice. He listened to Blockhead who was never around. He listened to Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake, two people who couldn’t manage money if you gave them detailed instructions. He listened to Jezebel, his sister who repeatedly tried to marry up and who never really lost anything in any of her divorces. All of them told him he deserved to be happy and that I was the root cause of his unhappiness. I’m sure they all told him that he wouldn’t take much of a hit financially. Hell, I know his mom thought I couldn’t possibly take everything. Blockhead divorced after seven years of marriage; there was no alimony because his wife worked as well and there was no child support because there were no children. Jezebel never had to worry about paying any kind of support, and she didn’t worry too much about what kind of a settlement she would get because she was always trading in one husband for another. All of them tell him what he wants to hear instead of hitting him with the cold hard truth. These are the people with whom he surrounds himself. Stupid, stupid move. I don’t feel sorry for him at all. He wanted this; he got it. If he’s not happy with his new and improved life that’s not my problem. And this time? I’m really and truly believing it.

P.S. While he has been ordered to pay me $4600/month which is a huge chunk of his check that amount will only be in effect for six months. Rock Star turns 18 and graduates in June. He will end up with another $600-$900 in his pocket after that. I, on the other hand, will still have Rock Star living with me. I’ll still be paying her phone bill and her car insurance. I’ll be the one arranging travel to wherever she decides to attend college. If she goes to her first choice I will be on the hook for several expensive airline tickets a year. I’ll still be the one she asks for money while she’s away at school. I’ll still have her on my expensive work health insurance. My bills for her won’t decrease much, if at all, but CF will have more money in his pocket.

I know this is three years into the future but once Picasso graduates he will be down to paying $2800/month. Period. I will have two children in college at that time. They will still be needing things. I will still be paying for phones and car insurance and health insurance. I will be completely surprised if he does a damn thing for either of them, even without having to pay child support.

More Courtroom Shenanigans

I was very nervous about my alternate Facebook page being brought up at trial. I thought maybe they would try to use that to portray me as a cold hearted bitch who treated him horribly. No! They used it to try to portray me as an extravagant spender. You know, because I used my husband like an ATM machine.

You would have been proud of me. His attorney lobbed the first shot by stating I said myself that I started the page to “stalk Harley.” I looked her right in the eye and said, “To keep an eye on her, yes.” Ha!

Then she proceeds to go down this list of things that I had purchased and shown on the other Facebook page, along with comments like, “I told you I was going to buy myself a ridiculously expensive purse and I did!”, or “I love my Clark’s. They’re expensive but so worth it!” and “I love this shirt! It was more than I would regularly pay and it wasn’t even on sale!”

The best part, which I forgot to bring up? All of this was purchased at a fucking outlet mall! My lawyer on cross examination asked me how much each of the following had cost.

“How much was your ridiculously expensive purse?’

“A hundred dollars.”

“And how much were your Clark shoes?”

“Probably $30-$40.”

“And how much was the expensive shirt that wasn’t on sale?”

“Twenty or thirty dollars.”

Honestly, I was a little surprised she didn’t bring up the Coach coin purse. It retailed for around $90 and I paid about $70 for it, I think. Now that was a ridiculous purchase!

The other best part was that the judge didn’t really seem to give a damn. As he pointed out to CF’s attorney, “Who knows why she wrote on Facebook. For whatever reason it made her feel better after her husband’s affair.”

His attorney also brought up the checks where I had written in the memo line. The first check was the one I received for back support. On it I had written: Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!

Honestly, I was really hoping they would see that. Sometimes you don’t see your checks after you write them. So score one for Sam. Glad it stuck in his craw.

The other two checks were the ones that were stopped for non-sufficient funds. Ironically, on both of those I had written “Ha ha ha ha ha,” because those were the checks he had written for $555.55. That was after someone helpful on this very blog had clued me in to what “55555” meant in Internet lingo.

My attorney cross examined me about the checks written for $555.55 so I got the chance to tell the judge what I had learned. I patiently explained that I couldn’t figure out why on earth he would write a check for $555.55. It wasn’t half or a quarter of what he was ordered to pay. I was flummoxed! And then someone told me that on the Internet 55555 meant ha ha ha ha ha. I wrote that on the checks, not to laugh at him or make fun of him, but to let him know I was onto him. I could hear him consulting with his attorney and vehemently denying anything of the sort.

Naturally, his attorney had to ask, “And what about the one where you wrote, ‘Thanks, guys! We’re going to Disney!’?”

Again, I looked her straight in the eye and replied, “I was just being mean.”

How’s that for honesty? You might want to give it a try, Cousinfucker; it feels great!

The Trolls Are Pissing Me Off

It’s another Friday and another visit from my resident troll. I’m sure a reaction is exactly what it’s looking for and I’m about ready to give it one!

The mobster informed me he received a strange text message. What kind of a strange text message, you ask? The kind of strange text message that calls him by name, congratulates him on his engagement and then proceeds to “let him know” that they’ve seen his fiancee’s naked pictures all over the Internet on many different sites.

We did a reverse number look up and the mobster even called the number but it said it was not able to complete the number as dialed. I think it was a burner phone. The area code is from my state but at least 2 hours away from me.

This is reaching the level of harassment, right?

The talk of naked pictures makes me think once again that it is CF or Harley, probably Harley. What utter childishness. They fuck around and now they’re harassing me. Maybe my daughter is right and he really cannot stand to see me happy. Maybe he’s pissed that he hasn’t been able to break me with all his financial shenanigans. Or maybe it’s Harley and she’s downright pissed that her sugar daddy has run out of sugar. She is the one, afterall, that was talking to someone about the naked pictures of me that CF supposedly showed her.

Once again I don’t really care about their stupid childishness. They can congratulate the mobster on his engagement (we’re not, btw). They can try to out me on Facebook. I really don’t give a shit. I haven’t done anything I’m ashamed of. I am, however, more than a little bit weirded out by the information they are able to dig up.

So far I have changed my password, set my alerts to be notified if I’m signing in from a strange device, no longer am able to sign in by clicking on my profile picture, and have logged out of every device that Facebook shows me being logged in to.

If any of you have any definitive ways of sniffing out the truth in situations like these hit me up with them. I’m all ears!

I Have Affected His Credit Score

The verdict is in so I can post this now. Hooray!

As I mentioned earlier we came to an agreement on the property settlement. All we were trying on November 3rd was spousal and child support and legal fees with a show-cause hearing thrown in for good measure. Nine and a half hours later and this is what I’ve learned:

1. I was a very poor housekeeper. Obviously he was within his rights to cheat on me because of that, and obviously I don’t deserve spousal support. Only immaculate housekeepers are worthy of spousal support.
2. Apparently his and his lawyer’s whole strategy to avoid paying sufficient spousal support was to paint me as a horrible housekeeper who never slept in the same bed with him, spent all his money, refused to work, lived separate lives, and knew he was mentally unbalanced since the beginning of our relationship. Nothing like having to detail your sex life in court with your mother there in the audience. Or trying to account for the percentage of time I slept in our bed versus in the couch. Oh yes, that was fun!  Or hearing him describe your housekeeping as “very poor” and being told he was “embarrassed to have people over to see how we lived.” I also found out that I just left dog feces and urine on the floors. Walked right by and never bothered to wipe any of it up. Yep, that’s me. Of course, when my lawyer asked him, “So what did you do about any of that? What did you do to help?” he was forced to answer, “Nothing.” That’s right, jackass. You did nothing except complain and criticize. And thankfully I did get a chance to mention how I ate upstairs with the kids because he wanted to watch TV in silence. I’m such a bitch for giving him what he wanted.
3. Oh, bless her heart. She did her best to make it seem as though I had known he was mentally unstable our entire marriage. Sorry, but telling me he’s uncomfortable when first meeting people but once he gets to know them he will warm up to them, doesn’t exactly scream, “Mental illness!” It’s pretty fucking normal, actually. Not to mention he did meet my family and my friends and no one questioned his sanity. No one was coming up to me saying, “Gosh Sam, he just seemed really uncomfortable.” I didn’t get a chance to blurt out that I was the one who diagnosed him with social anxiety. It wasn’t him. And we never sought treatment because he couldn’t work. We sought treatment so he would be more sociable with me and my friends.
4. Another stellar moment for his attorney was when she pointed out that all of our moves resulted in him making more money which benefitted me. Well d’oh! We were a partnership. He made the money and I took care of the kids, pets, and house. Yes, if he made more money that would benefit me and his children. That doesn’t mean that it was no big deal to leave behind my friends and my life I had created. I certainly never prodded him to take another job. I didn’t urge him to leave his company and jump over to another company where he could probably make a lot more money. I never complained about the amount of money he made or told him he needed to make more. I’m not sure what her point was other than, “A-ha! You benefitted every time you moved. Admit it!” Okay, B, I admit it. I benefitted. So did he. Now what?
5. I blackmailed him into putting in a pool. I’m not sure his attorney actually uttered the word “blackmail” but she did ask me if it was true that I would only agree to move if he would put in a pool. Ummm….. no. Where exactly was she going with this line of questioning? If I blackmailed him into buying me a pool does that negate him moving us to Virginia and then leaving us there? Did I somehow get what I deserved if I demanded a pool and refused to move without it?
6. I bought clothes rather than do laundry. False! Once or twice there may have been a package of underwear or undershirts bought by me or CF but as a general rule, no, I did not buy new clothes so I didn’t have to do laundry. Again, what is the point?  Your Honor, obviously she was a horrible housekeeper, never made dinner (oh yes, I had to account for percentages of that as well), and refused to do laundry so she shouldn’t receive spousal support. Let her live on $11.50/hour. If she wanted support maybe she should have thought about that before she let the house go, she ran to McDonald’s for breakfast and she picked up that package of underwear at Target!
7. Despite having a genius level IQ CF does not know what the word “begrudge” means. My lawyer asked him if he begrudged us the trips we took without him and his response was he didn’t know what that word meant. In case anyone was sitting there in suspense once the word was explained to him he said he did not begrudge us those trips. This prompts me to ask, “Then why did your lawyer bring up the fact we took trips without you?” Oh wait! It was to prove how we lived separate lives. Yes, he couldn’t be bothered to take vacation days for us but he could regularly take vacation days when he was fucking his cousin.
8. I should continue to work two jobs and six days a week while being the only parent to our two teenagers so that he doesn’t have to pay as much in support. He and his lawyer believe that requiring him to move so that he can make more money (like what he did prior to Harley) is hypocritical in light of me not wanting to work 2 jobs. Yes, they actually tried to have my wages imputed with what I made at Target. Assholes!
9. His lawyer does not know the difference between being court ordered to do something versus being given a choice. She kept trying to get me to say that I forced him out of the house because, you know, that’s the only reason he moved out of the damn state and in with his whore. She actually asked me to refer back to Exhibit #10 which was the temporary support orders. I, on the other hand, kept stressing the word OR. He had to move out OR pay rent in the amount of $750.  Isn’t it true that he was court ordered to leave? No, he had a choice. And he certainly wasn’t court ordered to leave the state. He desperately wants to be the victim in that scenario, doesn’t he? Your Honor, I was forced to move out of my very own home! My wife wouldn’t let me continue to use our home as an extended stay hotel during the week and saunter off to fuck my cousin on the weekends. Isn’t that outrageous? Isn’t she horrible?
10. Apparently the only reason he went to Picasso’s hockey games and not Rock Star’s gymnastics meets (aside from the fact that gymnastics is dangerous and it scared him) was because it was easier to defend himself from a potential knife attack at the hockey rink as opposed to the gym. I’m not completely sure how cheerleading competitions rank up there. I would think they are quite crowded as well and yet he managed to go to the whore’s daughter’s competition while never attending his own child’s. I suppose that the classroom was also much safer which explains why he was able to go to show and tell with the whore’s son and yet was supposedly an anxious mess when dropping off his own son.
11. His monthly expenses are outrageous! $185 for 1/4 of the monthly phone bill. I wonder if they have service to the moon? His water bill is somewhere in the range of $165/month, according to him. Their rent is $1895/month. Their electric bill is $400, which is amazing because our electric bill was $400/month only in the hottest and coldest months and our house was over 1000 sq. ft. bigger. Their food bill is $1300/month and I don’t think that includes eating out. I think it’s fabulous that he has the money to help support such an expensive household. Who cares if he takes care of his first children? As long as he’s happy, right?
12. When my lawyer pointed out that he had cashed in his 401k despite a court order prohibiting him from doing so, and didn’t bother to pay a dime in support to his wife and kids, his excuse was he needed it to pay bills and to pay his stepfather back. I believe he was referring to Pastor Fake. Now where on earth Pastor Fake got $8000 to loan him is beyond me. They haven’t had a pot to piss in since Tammy Faye decided to go into business with the embezzler over 20 years ago.
13. I discovered he is not current on his legal fees. I didn’t know lawyers would work for free! He is now paying his lawyer $50/week after not paying for months. How do I get that deal? I’ve had to pay upfront in $3000 increments!
14. He can’t leave Kentucky because his support system is there and his mother is dying. About that support system- I’m pretty sure it consists of Harley sucking his dick and all of his siblings that he has now demoted to step siblings as opposed to half siblings. You know, because his dad isn’t really his dad. It’s that other guy. As far as his poor sick mother who only has about a year to live? Yeah, I’ve been hearing that line for about 10 years now. Maybe longer. That woman can sure stretch out a year!
15. You can plead the Fifth Amendment in divorce court! Granted, he was lying when he said he knew it was a misdemeanor and could result in a fine, but you can do it. He did cop to starting the affair “somewhere between April and May” of 2015 (which was my timeline). When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Virginia he replied that he did not. When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Kentucky he pleaded the Fifth. Funny little side story… when my lawyer asked the judge if she could ask the question again if they found out he wouldn’t be penalized in Kentucky the judge replied, “I think we all know what’s going on here.”
16. It turns out that when your lawyer asks you how your husband knows his mistress and you reply, “She’s his cousin,” the judge’s head will spin around and he will ask you to repeat your answer. I think it was my favorite moment of the trial.  Furthermore, while CF may not know what “begrudge” means he was quick to point out the difference between genetically related and legally related. Yeah, so legally he’s my brother, but genetically speaking… Sweet baby Jesus! To further clarify for those who’ve asked… they are second cousins. Legally. Not genetically. Because that would be gross.
17. It also turns out that even though you know the narrative your husband is spreading it is still a little soul shattering when you hear his lawyer describe you as a person who treated him like an ATM, who was perfectly happy doing her own thing as long as he made money, and who wildly spent to the point of putting us in severe debt.
18. Finally, on cross examination my lawyer pointed out that his life hadn’t really changed that much. He lived in a four bedroom/2 bathroom home before (3 1/2 baths, but why quibble?); he lives in a four bedroom, 2 bathroom home now. Oh, and his new home has a community pool and clubhouse while his old house only had a pool. He had someone to cook and clean for him before. He has someone to cook and clean for him now. I’m sure she does his laundry, too and she’s undoubtedly much better at it than I was. He lived with two kids before. He lives with two kids now. She made sure to throw in that they weren’t his kids, of course, but he was living with two kids still.

His reply was that his life was completely different. His children won’t speak to him and his credit rating is in the toilet. He’s driving a car that’s falling apart and he can’t get a new one because no one will give him a loan.

Wow! I was forced to move out of my home and sell or leave behind most of what I’ve ever owned in my life. I live with my mother. My kids had to transfer schools and start all over yet again. I sleep on the couch so that my kids have bedrooms to themselves. I’ve worked sixteen hour days to try to provide for my kids. I worked two jobs while he worked none. I began a job that paid me $11/hour to start with while he found a job paying him $100,000/year. While he lives with someone who makes almost as much as he does. But folks, take note! His credit rating is not good and he can’t buy a new car. His life has changed so much.

Thanksgiving 2017

Thanksgiving 2014 was a very good Thanksgiving. I’ve written about it before. It was our first year in our new home in Virginia. We had a houseful of guests. I went Black Friday shopping for the first time in ages. It was honestly probably one of my favorite Thanksgivings ever. It was also the last one we would spend together as a family with CF. Shortly after that Blockhead found my other Facebook page and began feeding him information, which resulted in his downward spiral and his new affair with Harley.

Thanksgiving 2015, surprisingly, wasn’t bad. The kids and I were still living in the house, albeit with CF remaining there as well. I had money stockpiled in the bank so our lifestyle didn’t suffer too much. I recall the kids saying that the holidays were the best ones they’d had in ages because they didn’t have to worry about their dad’s moods or crying fits. I didn’t recall him being that bad but apparently they did.

We spent the holiday in Indiana with my mom, my brother, and his family. It really was a nice holiday gathering.

Thanksgiving 2016 sucked. I was broke. My money had run out thanks to CF losing his job and not sending any money for support. I was working at Target. I didn’t have to work on Thanksgiving Day but I did have to report to work at midnight on Friday so I was in bed pretty damn early that day. I think more than anything I endured the holiday last year. I wasn’t looking forward to any of it but I had to keep going.

Now we are ready to celebrate Thanksgiving 2017. I have volunteered to purchase all the sides since my mom bought the turkey breasts. I will be cooking. I have the day off and while I do have to work on Friday I don’t have to show up at midnight. It will be my regular hours.

I thought I would offer up a list of things for which I’m grateful on this Thanksgiving Day. I was going to try for 30- 1 for each day in November, but I only got to 15. That’s better than zero which is how I felt last year, right?

1. My kids. I’m so very thankful I have them in my life. I’m thankful that they love me and want to spend time with me. I’m thankful I have a good relationship with them.
2. My mom. I have said it a million times and it bears repeating a million more. She has been my rock. She has helped me out so much throughout this entire ordeal. Whether it’s doing my laundry or running my kids around or sitting through a 9.5 hour trial she has been there for me. I know not everyone is fortunate enough to have that so I am grateful.
3. My brother. He has stepped up in a huge way for my kids. He takes Picasso under his wing, showing him how to repair something around the house or taking him out hunting or to gun shows. He’s always there for a hug for Rock Star. He and his wife have taken both of them out for their birthday, just the kid and them. He has voluntarily stepped in and taken on more of a role for both of them.
4. The mobster. He came along, just like a song and brightened my day.  Honestly, I never thought I’d date again. I thought I’d be alone forever. But he came into my life and made me smile again. He is wonderful. I don’t even have words to describe it. He makes my future look bright.
5. My job. I’ve said many times it doesn’t pay well but it’s a job and I’m hoping to be able to move up and make more. My one year anniversary is less than 2 months away!
6. My friends. I’ve been blessed with some fabulous friends. The mobster has commented on it several times. He’s impressed by the fact that so many people are willing to make time to see me when I am in their area, and that so many people have checked on me and cheered me on. I am truly, truly lucky! My friends have been a tremendous blessing all through this journey.
7. My dogs. I love these fur balls. It’s my first Thanksgiving without my Beau Beau but I’m thankful for my two remaining faithful companions. My little guy follows me all around and will sit on my feet while I get ready. My girl is always eager for some loves and ear scratches.
8. My health. I’m battling a cold right now but overall I’m healthy. In fact, this is the first cold I’ve had in almost a year. I’m grateful I’m not saddled with oppressive medical bills.
9. I’m grateful I have family with whom I get to celebrate Thanksgiving. I’m not by myself. I won’t go hungry. I may even end up playing some Phase 10.
10. I am happy. After spending close to a year begging for death that is a wonderful thing for which I can be grateful. Some days I want to say to CF, “I am tougher than you ever imagined.” Mostly, I’m just grateful I can say I’m happy. As I once so eloquently put it, I have crawled through the bowels of Hell. Yet I emerged on the other side, smiling.
11. This blog. I’m thankful I started this blog. I’m thankful to all my fabulous followers and readers. I have enjoyed getting to “know” some of you. It has been especially satisfying to tell my story and to be heard and validated. I’m not crazy. I’m not overreacting. The things he did were really bad. I’m not to blame for his affair. The alternate Facebook posts weren’t awful and cause for him to cheat. Thank you!
12. Chump Lady. Thank God I started reading her after the discard. She says the things I think, the things I believed before being encouraged to be more enlightened, less judgmental. And thanks to all those who comment. They show me I’m not alone and often provide me with valuable nuggets of wisdom.
13. My co-workers. I remember when I first started working at the bank. Everyone was very nice but I still felt alone. It didn’t help that I couldn’t balance my drawer to save my life so I felt incompetent as well. Now I rarely walk into a branch without seeing a friendly face.
14. The final judgement!!!! Best news of this holiday season! Last Thanksgiving I wanted to die. This Thanksgiving I have been vindicated and all I want to do is celebrate!
15. Along with that I am thankful I didn’t give up. It would have been so easy to take a settlement offer. It would have been so easy to say that this whole fight was way too expensive and might not pay off. There were many times I was discouraged but I didn’t give up. I kept fighting and I ended up winning.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I WON!

I found out after work that the judge’s opinion was back. It was all good news. For me.

I’ll write more later and just give you the basics. CF’s wages are going to be imputed. He’s going to be owing me just over $4600 a month from December onward. My spousal support will last for 16 years, so until age 64, almost 65. He was found in contempt once again and once again was fined $10,000 with the ability to purge the fine if he pays within 45 days. I was awarded ALL of my legal fees. He has an entire year to pay the $25,000.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’ll write more tonight. I wanted to share the news ASAP.

Oh, the Drama!

My, my, my! Post one little profile picture on Facebook and all the trolls come out to play!  I was hacked, my lovely readers. Hacked!

I’ve been fairly quiet on Facebook these past 2+ years. I’ve posted back to school pictures, funny things my kids have said, milestone pictures of my kids, and the occasional update. I haven’t said a word about my divorce, where I work, or my mobster. I’m not claiming no one would be able to figure two of those three things out, but I’m not going around volunteering the information.

My last profile picture was a plate of sushi. It’s been the same for several months now. I haven’t posted in almost 2 months. In other words, I’m fairly radio silent.

So… a few days ago I posted a new picture. It was an actual picture of me. I got a few comments from friends telling me how good I looked. I got a, “You look fabulous,” a few, “Very pretty,” comments, and I even got a, “Wow! You’ve always been pretty but you look especially beautiful! What have you done?” It was a nice ego boost although I didn’t post it for that reason.

The very next day I get a frantic text from my mother asking me if I’ve lost my damn mind. “What are you doing posting that you’re in a relationship?”

That was news to me. I had not posted any such thing. I was on the road, in fact. Yet there it was. I was in a relationship with the mobster. It listed him by name. If that wasn’t enough I apparently commented, “We should really just get married already.”

Adding to the excitement I was listed as being with him at that very moment. It wasn’t accurate but it wasn’t entirely inaccurate either.

Later, I learned that the correct pronunciation of my name is Bee-ach NAH-Klas, and that I’m an atheist.

Someone is upset! I’m not sure who, but someone definitely is.

I’ve been tying to be Zen about this. Who cares if everyone knows I’m in a relationship? The trial is over; I’m just awaiting the decision. I don’t think CF and his attorney can submit Facebook ramblings two weeks later, and even if they could it doesn’t prove anything. Once my divorce is final and those papers are signed I plan to scream it from the roof top.

I thought maybe it was my daughter being petulant at first. She’s in that tough transition time. You know the one. She’s never around and when she is her boyfriend is with her. But the minute she has some down time she expects me to be there with bells on. Waiting.

However, Rock Star would never refer to me as a classless bitch. Or Bitch No Class, if we’re going by my formal name. Never.

I thought maybe CF or Harley had received some news from the judge and this was all lashing out. I guess we could call the “we should really just get married already,” comment wishful thinking on his part. No class bitch is definitely something he or she might refer to me as, but that begs the question: How would he know about the mobster?

We’re Facebook friends but I’m friends with a lot of men on Facebook. We don’t comment on each other’s stuff. We might sometimes like a post or picture but we’re always one in a group of commenters.

The creepiest part is just having someone access my account. They were logged in as me. I don’t care about being labeled an atheist. That’s just stupid. Calling me Bitch No Class is just petty and childish. I don’t even care about people knowing I’m in a relationship. Like I said, I can hardly wait to go public for real.

Here’s the other creepy part. It listed him by name. It’s been a few years since I’ve done the “in a relationship” status but I remember when I was married. CF had to approve that. I could list I was married but it wouldn’t list me as married to him until he said so. Mine definitely said I was in a relationship with the mobster. Which makes it seem like someone was in both of our accounts.

My mom thinks it was the mobster’s STBX. So does my sweet friend J. They both think she doesn’t like the idea of him moving on and that she wants to cause trouble between us. The mobster doesn’t think she’s smart enough to pull something like this off.

Rock Star thinks it was her dad or Harley. She said the pettiness makes her think it would be Harley. When asked why on earth he would even bother she replied, “Because he can’t stand to see you happy. After everything he’s done to you you’re still happy and he hates that.”

Also on the weird side? “Bob”, the high school friend of CF’s who has been checking in on me throughout this ordeal told me CF unfriended him.

Why? He made an innocuous statement about Jezebel, calling her Rambo Barbie, but he’s called her that before. He’s called her that on her own page, in fact. So nothing horrible and earth shattering. Certainly not enough to unfriend someone you’ve been real life friends with since high school. He told me he sent him another friend request along with a message but CF declined the friend request and didn’t reply to his message.

Holy shit! Just had a thought as I was writing this.

The person who put all this stuff up was logged in as me. That means whoever it was had access to my Facebook messages. If you had access to my Facebook messages you could see that the mobster and I video chat constantly. There weren’t many conversations, thank goodness, because I don’t use that app for texting. He has sent me pictures through that app as well. It wouldn’t be difficult to tell we’re dating.

And there are conversations in there between me and Bob. They aren’t horrible conversations but he doesn’t mince words when it comes to Pastor Fake, Tammy Faye, Jezebel, Blockhead, or Harley. I think he’s been more than gracious towards CF but he hasn’t been as gracious towards those CF loves and turns to for guidance. It’s also apparent that he’s given me information over the course of this disaster. It hasn’t been huge amounts or anything incriminating but still… we all know how put out CF gets when he’s not being told he’s the most special boy in the whole wide world, or when someone dares to tell him he is not making the best choices. That would explain the sudden unfriending.

He’s also been known to call me a bitch and tell me I have no class. Because, you know, nothing oozes class like fucking your cousin. Or being arrested at least 3 times. Or abandoning your kids. Or cheating on your spouse. Or taking your whore to a funeral and showing her off to your entire family. Or being forced to resign because you keep drinking on the job.

Oh well! It appears one mystery has been solved. How either one of them hacked into my account is another mystery for another day.