Should Have

September 2015

I know this is a fruitless endeavor but I wanted to psychoanalyze my lying, cheating douchebag of an ex.

Here’s what I think.  He always sees himself as a victim. He doesn’t want to do anything difficult.  He is a coward of epic proportions.  That completely explains his behavior with his kids.  He gets to run off every weekend and hang out with kids that think he’s so wonderful because he’s putting on this big act and throwing money at them.  His own kids are pissed off and hate his guts right now.  Talk to Picasso or Rock Star?  They might say something mean to me!  That’s why he leaves shit in the mailbox for Rock Star instead of putting it on the island where he might encounter me and Picasso.  That’s why he didn’t call her back.  That’s why he only communicates with her through texting.  Hell, that’s why he couldn’t grow a pair and tell his fucking mother to stop communicating with his fucking whore when he was supposedly reconciling with me!  Wah- if I talk to her about this then that means I have to face the fact that I did a bad thing.  That makes me feel bad.  I don’t like feeling bad.  Let’s just move on and pretend this never happened.  Dammit, why can’t you just act like nothing happened?  Be friends with my mom and sister!  That makes life so much easier for ME!  That’s why he could never stand up for me and constantly threw me under the bus.  It was so much easier than taking a stand.  Fucking chicken shit!

He looks down on everyone else which is why the only people that really get along with him and think he’s fabulous are those who work under him.  With them he feels superior so he doesn’t have to be a know it all dickhead. He’s never had a boss that he likes; he only likes them once they are no longer his boss.  He thinks he’s always the smartest guy in the room and resents anyone being able to tell him what to do or thinking that they are actually, gasp, his boss!  He is surrounding himself with sycophants who tell him exactly what he wants to hear.  Oh, don’t you worry, honey, you deserve to fuck your cousin.  Your happiness is the only thing that matters.  Your wife was so mean to you.  She didn’t appreciate you.  Leave her!  You deserve so much more.

His whore is a complete downgrade.  She’s a manipulative, deceitful, gold digging whore.  She obviously doesn’t give a shit that she’s tearing apart a family, or that his kids hate him now and he may end up with absolutely no relationship with either of them.  I don’t believe she’s ever actually owned a home and she’s living in a dump right now. She’s been arrested at least 3 times.  She lies. She told Zack her husband had put her into bankruptcy three times because of his spending.  Turns out they declared once, when their business closed, and it’s her and her daughter who spend money like water. I suppose that explains her arrest for writing bad checks.  Seriously?  How many fucking bad checks do you need to write before they send your ass to jail?  She sends naked pictures to her neighbor.  She has cheated on her husband numerous times.  Zack is not her first rodeo.  And probably won’t be her last once she realizes he is not the money tree he is projecting himself to be.   She’s giving him all the ego stroking he desires.  He felt like he could never make me happy and we all know that he just can’t cope when things aren’t going his way.  But here is this gold digging whore and she tells him all the time how wonderful he is and how she loves him.  No, sweetie, she loves your money.  And once that’s gone, she will be, too. In the end I think he is able to feel superior to her.  He’s a knight in shining armor for her.  He comes in and saves the day and the poor little piece of white trash is oh so thankful for her sugar daddy who buys whatever she and her kids wants.  He was never my superior.  Ever.  He may have thought he was a time or two, but in the end he knew he wasn’t.  I was there when he lost his job and witnessed his humiliation.  I was there every time he lost his shit over some minor random crap.  He couldn’t be the big strong man because I already knew who and what he was.  With her he gets a redo.  And if he ends up living in a city three hours from her and only seeing her on the weekends, well that will be perfect because he can probably keep his act up a lot longer.

And what is with this bullshit of instantly falling in love with every fucking female you fuck?  I can understand falling in love with me. I’m awesome.  🙂  He was also single.  I was single.  There were no children involved.  No marriages to destroy.  Nobody got hurt when we got together and threw caution to the wind and married 7 months after meeting.  But this?  I already know that 2 years ago he had decided to leave me, was in love with her, and plotting to move all of us 2000 miles across the country for the dumb bitch after less than 2 weeks of her simply *telling* him how much she wanted to suck his dick.  I guess her trumped up sob stories gave him a stiffie. Now this time he’s gone even further.

I seriously believe he’s lost his damn mind.  Seriously.  How do you go from loving your wife of 20 years to fucking your cousin?  How do you decide almost overnight to start sending her thousands of dollars, sell off the rest of your stock, open up a checking account in her town, and start this new life with her and her kids when you’re still fucking married with 2 kids?  How do you do this when you’re still messing around with your wife twice a day?  I sometimes feel like he just made a preemptive strike.  Well, she’s not happy; I can never make her happy.  I know she’s going to leave me so I’m going to fuck my whore of a cousin and leave her first.

But you know what?  I’m going to be ok.  I’m going to be better than ok.  I should have left the first damn time.  I should have thrown all his damn clothes out the door and told the kids and divorced his lying, cheating ass the first time I discovered his lies.  I should have left when I discovered he was throwing me under the bus to everyone who would listen.  I should have left when I realized that he and the truth had stopped existing on the same plane.  I should have left when he resumed drinking.  I should have left when he refused to continue therapy.  So many bread crumbs that were showing me what was up but I hung in there.  I’m not a quitter!  I’m not going to be a statistic; I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home.  I will never divorce if it’s up to me!  That’s me.  Loyal until the end.  Persevering even when I should have kicked his ass to the curb.

He won’t be able to keep this up.  His natural setting is misery and unhappiness.  He can keep up the act for a while, 6 months, maybe a year.  But eventually his true personality will come out.  Something will happen that will throw him off balance and once again he’ll be a simpering, whimpering mess.  She’ll find out he’s not much for helping out around the house, or watching kids, or having to help shoulder the load.  As my brother said about his potential move: That works out perfect for him.  He gets to be by himself all week, watching tv and talking to no one and then on the weekends he goes to see her and play the part of happy involved family man.

I think once we go to court and he realizes what he’s going to be paying in spousal support and child support and marital debt division he’s going to have a real awakening.  She might get a taste of the real Zack that very day.  Holy shit!  How am I going to do this?  I have to pay my future ex-wife anywhere between a large amount and an even larger amount per month.  I owe her money for her share of the stock I liquidated without her knowledge and I owe her even more for all the money I either gave to or spent on my whore and her kids.  She’s taking half of my 401k, and at the balance it was before I took out my loan, plus she gets half of my pension.  She’s putting me in charge of paying for the kids’ cell phones and their allowances.  I’ve got my whore’s cell phone and her daughter’s cell phone at $231.  I have a monthly payment for the loan I took out.  I have rent because she won’t let me live there anymore.  I need cable and I have to pay for utilities.

The second lawyer I talked to believes he will be assigned more than half of the marital debt.  He may be looking at a second job.  Good luck!  You still need to buy food, gas, Kodiak and wine. Just getting down to his home state each weekend runs him about $70 at least so $280 conservatively for the month.  He goes through 3-4 cans of Kodiak.  I think it might even be more than that.  …he goes through probably 3 boxes of wine at a minimum; those are $20 a pop so $60 easily on wine.  Per week.  If I am able to get the remainder of the amount of money we still need to pay for the pool and my car loan included in the marital debt he’s fucked! ….

He also doesn’t like being embarrassed.  Watch him go ballistic when his card is declined.  Oh, if that threw him off wait until he realizes everyone he works with knows he’s fucking his cousin.  I’ve been invited several times by his boss to attend church with them.  It would be a shame if I somehow let it slip that we were divorcing because of his affair with his cousin.  Oh, I thought you knew that with all of that time he was taking off.  Yeah, he’s been leaving every weekend to go play house with his cousin and her kids.  He has essentially abandoned his own kids.  He lives here in the house still because he refuses to move out but he hasn’t spoken face to face with his daughter since August and he’s had one conversation with his son where he was basically trying to defend his affair with his cousin.  Not to mention I have a friend who is very close to one of his co-workers and his wife.  She’s responsible for getting them together.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one day it just slips out inadvertently.  Ooops, sorry, I figured you knew!  Our pool contractor works with Zack’s boss’s best friend.  Oops, sorry, I thought you knew.  It’s a small town.  Zack may be popular with the people on the floor but I’m pretty sure that most everyone in the office thinks he’s a pompous ass.  Once they realize he’s fucking his cousin… or rather, once he realizes they know he’s cheating on his wife after moving his entire family across the country and fucking his cousin he will be mortified.  He whined and cried and begged me not to tell the kids the last time?  Oh, that’s nothing compared to when everyone realizes the great Zack X is fucking his whore of a cousin.

3 thoughts on “Should Have

  1. As different as our stories are, some of the personality similarities that run thru are eerie. Dumb uneducated unattractive woman offering blow jobs (who does that? All of us are over 45). Wh being one of the losers who says “yes”, not the real man who says no. Mow/coworker who is threatened by any woman who is smarter than she is and systematically keeps them down. Perception of wh having power and money. “If we are all friends and lemondrop could stop playing the victim, it would confirm that we aren’t bad people. Ergo, lemon’s the problem.” “Why can’t everyone just want me to be happy? Why do my selfish acts have to have consequences?” The mother in law who prefers the mow (because not only is she good at blow jobs, she’s a world class ass kisser too. Mow excels only in the lower region of anatomy). Maybe santa will bring her knee pads and a bib for Christmas.

    Suffice to say that there are very distinct personality disorders that accompany this behaviour. And i love that they all think they’re so unique and original and yet so cliche and predictable. Completely un-special, mundane and so so so dumb. Because dumb is how they got caught.

    Liked by 1 person

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