The verdict is in so I can post this now. Hooray!
As I mentioned earlier we came to an agreement on the property settlement. All we were trying on November 3rd was spousal and child support and legal fees with a show-cause hearing thrown in for good measure. Nine and a half hours later and this is what I’ve learned:
- I was a very poor housekeeper. Obviously he was within his rights to cheat on me because of that, and obviously I don’t deserve spousal support. Only immaculate housekeepers are worthy of spousal support.
- Apparently his and his lawyer’s whole strategy to avoid paying sufficient spousal support was to paint me as a horrible housekeeper who never slept in the same bed with him, spent all his money, refused to work, lived separate lives, and knew he was mentally unbalanced since the beginning of our relationship. Nothing like having to detail your sex life in court with your mother there in the audience. Or trying to account for the percentage of time I slept in our bed versus in the couch. Oh yes, that was fun! Or hearing him describe your housekeeping as “very poor” and being told he was “embarrassed to have people over to see how we lived.” I also found out that I just left dog feces and urine on the floors. Walked right by and never bothered to wipe any of it up. Yep, that’s me. Of course, when my lawyer asked him, “So what did you do about any of that? What did you do to help?” he was forced to answer, “Nothing.” That’s right, jackass. You did nothing except complain and criticize. And thankfully I did get a chance to mention how I ate upstairs with the kids because he wanted to watch TV in silence. I’m such a bitch for giving him what he wanted.
- Oh, bless her heart. She did her best to make it seem as though I had known he was mentally unstable our entire marriage. Sorry, but telling me he’s uncomfortable when first meeting people but once he gets to know them he will warm up to them, doesn’t exactly scream, “Mental illness!” It’s pretty fucking normal, actually. Not to mention he did meet my family and my friends and no one questioned his sanity. No one was coming up to me saying, “Gosh Sam, he just seemed really uncomfortable.” I didn’t get a chance to blurt out that I was the one who diagnosed him with social anxiety. It wasn’t him. And we never sought treatment because he couldn’t work. We sought treatment so he would be more sociable with me and my friends.
- Another stellar moment for his attorney was when she pointed out that all of our moves resulted in him making more money which benefitted me. Well d’oh! We were a partnership. He made the money and I took care of the kids, pets, and house. Yes, if he made more money that would benefit me and his children. That doesn’t mean that it was no big deal to leave behind my friends and my life I had created. I certainly never prodded him to take another job. I didn’t urge him to leave his company and jump over to another company where he could probably make a lot more money. I never complained about the amount of money he made or told him he needed to make more. I’m not sure what her point was other than, “A-ha! You benefitted every time you moved. Admit it!” Okay, B, I admit it. I benefitted. So did he. Now what?
- I blackmailed him into putting in a pool. I’m not sure his attorney actually uttered the word “blackmail” but she did ask me if it was true that I would only agree to move if he would put in a pool. Ummm….. no. Where exactly was she going with this line of questioning? If I blackmailed him into buying me a pool does that negate him moving us to Virginia and then leaving us there? Did I somehow get what I deserved if I demanded a pool and refused to move without it?
- I bought clothes rather than do laundry. False! Once or twice there may have been a package of underwear or undershirts bought by me or CF but as a general rule, no, I did not buy new clothes so I didn’t have to do laundry. Again, what is the point? Your Honor, obviously she was a horrible housekeeper, never made dinner (oh yes, I had to account for percentages of that as well), and refused to do laundry so she shouldn’t receive spousal support. Let her live on $11.50/hour. If she wanted support maybe she should have thought about that before she let the house go, she ran to McDonald’s for breakfast and she picked up that package of underwear at Target!
- Despite having a genius level IQ CF does not know what the word “begrudge” means. My lawyer asked him if he begrudged us the trips we took without him and his response was he didn’t know what that word meant. In case anyone was sitting there in suspense once the word was explained to him he said he did not begrudge us those trips. This prompts me to ask, “Then why did your lawyer bring up the fact we took trips without you?” Oh wait! It was to prove how we lived separate lives. Yes, he couldn’t be bothered to take vacation days for us but he could regularly take vacation days when he was fucking his cousin.
- I should continue to work two jobs and six days a week while being the only parent to our two teenagers so that he doesn’t have to pay as much in support. He and his lawyer believe that requiring him to move so that he can make more money (like what he did prior to Harley) is hypocritical in light of me not wanting to work 2 jobs. Yes, they actually tried to have my wages imputed with what I made at Target. Assholes!
- His lawyer does not know the difference between being court ordered to do something versus being given a choice. She kept trying to get me to say that I forced him out of the house because, you know, that’s the only reason he moved out of the damn state and in with his whore. She actually asked me to refer back to Exhibit #10 which was the temporary support orders. I, on the other hand, kept stressing the word OR. He had to move out OR pay rent in the amount of $750. Isn’t it true that he was court ordered to leave? No, he had a choice. And he certainly wasn’t court ordered to leave the state. He desperately wants to be the victim in that scenario, doesn’t he? Your Honor, I was forced to move out of my very own home! My wife wouldn’t let me continue to use our home as an extended stay hotel during the week and saunter off to fuck my cousin on the weekends. Isn’t that outrageous? Isn’t she horrible?
- Apparently the only reason he went to Picasso’s hockey games and not Rock Star’s gymnastics meets (aside from the fact that gymnastics is dangerous and it scared him) was because it was easier to defend himself from a potential knife attack at the hockey rink as opposed to the gym. I’m not completely sure how cheerleading competitions rank up there. I would think they are quite crowded as well and yet he managed to go to the whore’s daughter’s competition while never attending his own child’s. I suppose that the classroom was also much safer which explains why he was able to go to show and tell with the whore’s son and yet was supposedly an anxious mess when dropping off his own son.
- His monthly expenses are outrageous! $185 for 1/4 of the monthly phone bill. I wonder if they have service to the moon? His water bill is somewhere in the range of $165/month, according to him. Their rent is $1895/month. Their electric bill is $400, which is amazing because our electric bill was $400/month only in the hottest and coldest months and our house was over 1000 sq. ft. bigger. Their food bill is $1300/month and I don’t think that includes eating out. I think it’s fabulous that he has the money to help support such an expensive household. Who cares if he takes care of his first children? As long as he’s happy, right?
- When my lawyer pointed out that he had cashed in his 401k despite a court order prohibiting him from doing so, and didn’t bother to pay a dime in support to his wife and kids, his excuse was he needed it to pay bills and to pay his stepfather back. I believe he was referring to Pastor Fake. Now where on earth Pastor Fake got $8000 to loan him is beyond me. They haven’t had a pot to piss in since Tammy Faye decided to go into business with the embezzler over 20 years ago.
- I discovered he is not current on his legal fees. I didn’t know lawyers would work for free! He is now paying his lawyer $50/week after not paying for months. How do I get that deal? I’ve had to pay upfront in $3000 increments!
- He can’t leave Kentucky because his support system is there and his mother is dying. About that support system- I’m pretty sure it consists of Harley sucking his dick and all of his siblings that he has now demoted to step siblings as opposed to half siblings. You know, because his dad isn’t really his dad. It’s that other guy. As far as his poor sick mother who only has about a year to live? Yeah, I’ve been hearing that line for about 10 years now. Maybe longer. That woman can sure stretch out a year!
- You can plead the Fifth Amendment in divorce court! Granted, he was lying when he said he knew it was a misdemeanor and could result in a fine, but you can do it. He did cop to starting the affair “somewhere between April and May” of 2015 (which was my timeline). When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Virginia he replied that he did not. When asked if he had sexual relations with Harley the Whore in Kentucky he pleaded the Fifth. Funny little side story… when my lawyer asked the judge if she could ask the question again if they found out he wouldn’t be penalized in Kentucky the judge replied, “I think we all know what’s going on here.”
- It turns out that when your lawyer asks you how your husband knows his mistress and you reply, “She’s his cousin,” the judge’s head will spin around and he will ask you to repeat your answer. I think it was my favorite moment of the trial. Furthermore, while CF may not know what “begrudge” means he was quick to point out the difference between genetically related and legally related. Yeah, so legally he’s my brother, but genetically speaking… Sweet baby Jesus! To further clarify for those who’ve asked… they are second cousins. Legally. Not genetically. Because that would be gross.
- It also turns out that even though you know the narrative your husband is spreading it is still a little soul shattering when you hear his lawyer describe you as a person who treated him like an ATM, who was perfectly happy doing her own thing as long as he made money, and who wildly spent to the point of putting us in severe debt.
- Finally, on cross examination my lawyer pointed out that his life hadn’t really changed that much. He lived in a four bedroom/2 bathroom home before (3 1/2 baths, but why quibble?); he lives in a four bedroom, 2 bathroom home now. Oh, and his new home has a community pool and clubhouse while his old house only had a pool. He had someone to cook and clean for him before. He has someone to cook and clean for him now. I’m sure she does his laundry, too and she’s undoubtedly much better at it than I was. He lived with two kids before. He lives with two kids now. She made sure to throw in that they weren’t his kids, of course, but he was living with two kids still.
His reply was that his life was completely different. His children won’t speak to him and his credit rating is in the toilet. He’s driving a car that’s falling apart and he can’t get a new one because no one will give him a loan.
Wow! I was forced to move out of my home and sell or leave behind most of what I’ve ever owned in my life. I live with my mother. My kids had to transfer schools and start all over yet again. I sleep on the couch so that my kids have bedrooms to themselves. I’ve worked sixteen hour days to try to provide for my kids. I worked two jobs while he worked none. I began a job that paid me $11/hour to start with while he found a job paying him $100,000/year. While he lives with someone who makes almost as much as he does. But folks, take note! His credit rating is not good and he can’t buy a new car. His life has changed so much.