Should Have

September 2015

I know this is a fruitless endeavor but I wanted to psychoanalyze my lying, cheating douchebag of an ex.

Here’s what I think.  He always sees himself as a victim. He doesn’t want to do anything difficult.  He is a coward of epic proportions.  That completely explains his behavior with his kids.  He gets to run off every weekend and hang out with kids that think he’s so wonderful because he’s putting on this big act and throwing money at them.  His own kids are pissed off and hate his guts right now.  Talk to Picasso or Rock Star?  They might say something mean to me!  That’s why he leaves shit in the mailbox for Rock Star instead of putting it on the island where he might encounter me and Picasso.  That’s why he didn’t call her back.  That’s why he only communicates with her through texting.  Hell, that’s why he couldn’t grow a pair and tell his fucking mother to stop communicating with his fucking whore when he was supposedly reconciling with me!  Wah- if I talk to her about this then that means I have to face the fact that I did a bad thing.  That makes me feel bad.  I don’t like feeling bad.  Let’s just move on and pretend this never happened.  Dammit, why can’t you just act like nothing happened?  Be friends with my mom and sister!  That makes life so much easier for ME!  That’s why he could never stand up for me and constantly threw me under the bus.  It was so much easier than taking a stand.  Fucking chicken shit!

He looks down on everyone else which is why the only people that really get along with him and think he’s fabulous are those who work under him.  With them he feels superior so he doesn’t have to be a know it all dickhead. He’s never had a boss that he likes; he only likes them once they are no longer his boss.  He thinks he’s always the smartest guy in the room and resents anyone being able to tell him what to do or thinking that they are actually, gasp, his boss!  He is surrounding himself with sycophants who tell him exactly what he wants to hear.  Oh, don’t you worry, honey, you deserve to fuck your cousin.  Your happiness is the only thing that matters.  Your wife was so mean to you.  She didn’t appreciate you.  Leave her!  You deserve so much more.

His whore is a complete downgrade.  She’s a manipulative, deceitful, gold digging whore.  She obviously doesn’t give a shit that she’s tearing apart a family, or that his kids hate him now and he may end up with absolutely no relationship with either of them.  I don’t believe she’s ever actually owned a home and she’s living in a dump right now. She’s been arrested at least 3 times.  She lies. She told Zack her husband had put her into bankruptcy three times because of his spending.  Turns out they declared once, when their business closed, and it’s her and her daughter who spend money like water. I suppose that explains her arrest for writing bad checks.  Seriously?  How many fucking bad checks do you need to write before they send your ass to jail?  She sends naked pictures to her neighbor.  She has cheated on her husband numerous times.  Zack is not her first rodeo.  And probably won’t be her last once she realizes he is not the money tree he is projecting himself to be.   She’s giving him all the ego stroking he desires.  He felt like he could never make me happy and we all know that he just can’t cope when things aren’t going his way.  But here is this gold digging whore and she tells him all the time how wonderful he is and how she loves him.  No, sweetie, she loves your money.  And once that’s gone, she will be, too. In the end I think he is able to feel superior to her.  He’s a knight in shining armor for her.  He comes in and saves the day and the poor little piece of white trash is oh so thankful for her sugar daddy who buys whatever she and her kids wants.  He was never my superior.  Ever.  He may have thought he was a time or two, but in the end he knew he wasn’t.  I was there when he lost his job and witnessed his humiliation.  I was there every time he lost his shit over some minor random crap.  He couldn’t be the big strong man because I already knew who and what he was.  With her he gets a redo.  And if he ends up living in a city three hours from her and only seeing her on the weekends, well that will be perfect because he can probably keep his act up a lot longer.

And what is with this bullshit of instantly falling in love with every fucking female you fuck?  I can understand falling in love with me. I’m awesome.  🙂  He was also single.  I was single.  There were no children involved.  No marriages to destroy.  Nobody got hurt when we got together and threw caution to the wind and married 7 months after meeting.  But this?  I already know that 2 years ago he had decided to leave me, was in love with her, and plotting to move all of us 2000 miles across the country for the dumb bitch after less than 2 weeks of her simply *telling* him how much she wanted to suck his dick.  I guess her trumped up sob stories gave him a stiffie. Now this time he’s gone even further.

I seriously believe he’s lost his damn mind.  Seriously.  How do you go from loving your wife of 20 years to fucking your cousin?  How do you decide almost overnight to start sending her thousands of dollars, sell off the rest of your stock, open up a checking account in her town, and start this new life with her and her kids when you’re still fucking married with 2 kids?  How do you do this when you’re still messing around with your wife twice a day?  I sometimes feel like he just made a preemptive strike.  Well, she’s not happy; I can never make her happy.  I know she’s going to leave me so I’m going to fuck my whore of a cousin and leave her first.

But you know what?  I’m going to be ok.  I’m going to be better than ok.  I should have left the first damn time.  I should have thrown all his damn clothes out the door and told the kids and divorced his lying, cheating ass the first time I discovered his lies.  I should have left when I discovered he was throwing me under the bus to everyone who would listen.  I should have left when I realized that he and the truth had stopped existing on the same plane.  I should have left when he resumed drinking.  I should have left when he refused to continue therapy.  So many bread crumbs that were showing me what was up but I hung in there.  I’m not a quitter!  I’m not going to be a statistic; I don’t want my kids growing up in a broken home.  I will never divorce if it’s up to me!  That’s me.  Loyal until the end.  Persevering even when I should have kicked his ass to the curb.

He won’t be able to keep this up.  His natural setting is misery and unhappiness.  He can keep up the act for a while, 6 months, maybe a year.  But eventually his true personality will come out.  Something will happen that will throw him off balance and once again he’ll be a simpering, whimpering mess.  She’ll find out he’s not much for helping out around the house, or watching kids, or having to help shoulder the load.  As my brother said about his potential move: That works out perfect for him.  He gets to be by himself all week, watching tv and talking to no one and then on the weekends he goes to see her and play the part of happy involved family man.

I think once we go to court and he realizes what he’s going to be paying in spousal support and child support and marital debt division he’s going to have a real awakening.  She might get a taste of the real Zack that very day.  Holy shit!  How am I going to do this?  I have to pay my future ex-wife anywhere between a large amount and an even larger amount per month.  I owe her money for her share of the stock I liquidated without her knowledge and I owe her even more for all the money I either gave to or spent on my whore and her kids.  She’s taking half of my 401k, and at the balance it was before I took out my loan, plus she gets half of my pension.  She’s putting me in charge of paying for the kids’ cell phones and their allowances.  I’ve got my whore’s cell phone and her daughter’s cell phone at $231.  I have a monthly payment for the loan I took out.  I have rent because she won’t let me live there anymore.  I need cable and I have to pay for utilities.

The second lawyer I talked to believes he will be assigned more than half of the marital debt.  He may be looking at a second job.  Good luck!  You still need to buy food, gas, Kodiak and wine. Just getting down to his home state each weekend runs him about $70 at least so $280 conservatively for the month.  He goes through 3-4 cans of Kodiak.  I think it might even be more than that.  …he goes through probably 3 boxes of wine at a minimum; those are $20 a pop so $60 easily on wine.  Per week.  If I am able to get the remainder of the amount of money we still need to pay for the pool and my car loan included in the marital debt he’s fucked! ….

He also doesn’t like being embarrassed.  Watch him go ballistic when his card is declined.  Oh, if that threw him off wait until he realizes everyone he works with knows he’s fucking his cousin.  I’ve been invited several times by his boss to attend church with them.  It would be a shame if I somehow let it slip that we were divorcing because of his affair with his cousin.  Oh, I thought you knew that with all of that time he was taking off.  Yeah, he’s been leaving every weekend to go play house with his cousin and her kids.  He has essentially abandoned his own kids.  He lives here in the house still because he refuses to move out but he hasn’t spoken face to face with his daughter since August and he’s had one conversation with his son where he was basically trying to defend his affair with his cousin.  Not to mention I have a friend who is very close to one of his co-workers and his wife.  She’s responsible for getting them together.  I wouldn’t be surprised if one day it just slips out inadvertently.  Ooops, sorry, I figured you knew!  Our pool contractor works with Zack’s boss’s best friend.  Oops, sorry, I thought you knew.  It’s a small town.  Zack may be popular with the people on the floor but I’m pretty sure that most everyone in the office thinks he’s a pompous ass.  Once they realize he’s fucking his cousin… or rather, once he realizes they know he’s cheating on his wife after moving his entire family across the country and fucking his cousin he will be mortified.  He whined and cried and begged me not to tell the kids the last time?  Oh, that’s nothing compared to when everyone realizes the great Zack X is fucking his whore of a cousin.

Facebook After Infidelity & Conversations With the Kids

I’m still waiting on the judge’s decision so nothing new from me right now. I have a lot of posts in my drafts section but they are all about things I don’t want to publish until after the divorce. Maybe I’ll loosen up a little as time goes by if I have to wait much longer. Strangely, I’m not really nervous. I’m expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

September 2015

Doing a bit better today.  I should probably stay off of Facebook for a while because all of these anniversary announcements make me sad.  For 2 years I wanted to be able to shout it out:  Happy Anniversary to the love of my life!  But he ruined that.  Every year when it rolled around I couldn’t do it.  I was hoping this year would be different.  I think that it probably would have been.  I was pretty much healed.  And now…. well, now it’s just over.  There won’t be a 21st anniversary.  Oh, technically we’ll be married 21 years at the time of our divorce.  But I won’t count it.  Not when he’s out fucking his whore.  And then you have the memories they share with you.  A year ago today I was talking about Picasso commenting on Zack playing football “back in the day”.  And 2 years ago I posted a meme about him having an awesome wife.  I wrote:  And he knows it, don’t you?  To which he replies:  I do.  Of course I do!  Just fucking heartbreaking stuff.

I took the kids out to dinner last night.  Rock Star tells me she’s terrified of her dad.  Why she’s not exactly sure but she is.  She’s afraid he’s going to hit me.  She wants to start up a hate page about the whore.  Tonight she said he wouldn’t care if they didn’t spend Father’s Day with him or not because he would be too busy with his other kids.  I find that sad.  I also find it extremely hypocritical.  He’s been so busy criticizing my one brother for walking away from his daughter and yet what does he do?  He’s planning on moving away to be with his whore and her kids.  She really hates him.

I did try to remind them of the good times they’ve had with him.  Unfortunately those good times are all clouded over now by his lies and his behavior.  Picasso said he didn’t recall his dad going to Disneyland with us.  And then he made a comment that he was probably all excited about it because he knew he was moving to our new state soon to be with his girlfriend.

He’s worried that I’m going to have to get a job.  He told me he likes having me here.  He’s not fond of his dad either.  I think with him it’s more of a disappointment.

They were giving me their list of requirements for a new dad, not that I’ll ever remarry.  Rock Star wants me to marry someone rich.  Picasso wants me to marry someone who will be involved because, as he puts it, “I’ve never had an involved dad.”  He was sad when I told him I wouldn’t ever remarry; that’s when he brought up the job.  I guess maybe he thinks that if I remarry I won’t have to go back to work.

Every day brings new questions.  My mom googled whether or not you could get a home loan using only spousal support.  The answer was yes but you had to show a divorce decree and have been receiving it consistently for a year.  So…. looks like I’m not going anywhere for over a year.  I may get lucky and be able to move into a rental place if it’s someone a friend of mine here knows.  Otherwise, I’m screwed with that as well!  So if his next company offers him a house buyout he may not be able to take it.  Take that, you bastard!

Every day brings new twinges of sadness, things you don’t always think about.  Yesterday I was driving somewhere, maybe to dinner, I suddenly thought to myself:  Our house isn’t going to be decorated for Christmas this year. At least not on the outside.  He always did that.  And then my next thought was:  Of course, I’m sure he’ll decorate hers.

I try to feel the feelings and then move on quickly because it doesn’t help to dwell.  Sometimes I am enraged when I think about all that he is taking away from us.  Then I tell myself:  You have a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and your life with your kids.  Create some new traditions.  You are no longer going to be brought down by his behavior and his moods.

More and more I’m realizing just how incredibly selfish and self centered he is, and always was.  It was always about him and the amazing thing is if you asked him he would tell you it was never about him.  No, it was always about him.  His moods, his wants, his needs, his peace, his quiet, his feelings.  Don’t talk while Dad is watching tv.  He doesn’t want to have to pause the damn television show.  Don’t tell him you’re mad.  Don’t tell him you’re sad.  Don’t tell him something doesn’t work. Hell, I told him I hated the fact that everyone in his damn family still kept in touch with his whore and his response was:  I can’t control what they do.  God forbid he do anything difficult!  I told my mom today that I was pretty close to being done when he bought that bourbon after his psychiatrist appointment.  And when he stopped therapy.  I know that aside from the money I am going to be so much better off without him.  Even if I never have another single date.  Even if I never fall in love again.



As expected he agreed to give me full physical and legal custody of Rock Star and Picasso. Visitation is at their discretion.

This is what an absolute peach he is. After agreeing to this, voluntarily, his attorney asks mine if she has any objections to putting in a clause that states I won’t interfere in any way with his ability to contact them or his relationship with them. I just rolled my damn eyes. Are you fucking serious?

Let me tell you how big this is. When I first began divorce proceedings, more than two years ago, I talked to two separate attorneys who both told me that judges do not like to take away legal custody from the other parent. Both of them thought I would have a very hard time getting full legal custody. By the time negotiations were under way this time around my lawyer was the one to tell me we would ask for full legal and physical custody. There wasn’t a question.

Now, I suppose he could have asked to retain joint legal custody even after all that he’s done. A week long stay in a psych ward, moving away from his kids without saying a word, inpatient treatment for alcohol abuse, not bothering to see his kids one time since February of 2016… If judges are loathe to take it away there’s a possibility that our judge would have given him that at least. But he didn’t even fight for it.

He has basically given up all rights to his children, while retaining the responsibility of providing financially for them. He won’t but… He can’t take them to the doctor’s without my permission. He can’t gain access to their school records. He can’t take them out of school without my permission. Not that he would but… For all intents and purposes he has terminated his parental rights without a peep of resistance.

And then his lawyer wants to put something in the order which would legally prevent me from interfering with his relationship with them. I’m no legal scholar but I’m fairly certain he would have to make an attempt first before I could interfere. Not that he will but….

The Property Settlement

This one is signed, sealed, and delivered (so to speak) so I’m okay talking about this agreement.

I wrote a little bit about the property settlement. Thank God we came to an agreement or the trial would have lasted two days, my attorney tells me.

So here goes…. after switching lawyers because my first lawyer told me it would be a wash with what I took from our bank account and what he spent on the whore… it turns out it was pretty much a wash.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I was with this attorney throughout all this bullshit; my previous attorney would have been an absolute disaster. But she was clearly outraged at the idea of me needing to compensate him when I spent that money on the household and he spent his money on a whore.

In the end it happened exactly that way. Originally what they were going to do is take everything he spent on the whore until I found out about him, the difference between what he should have been paying and what he actually was paying from September-December, and the 401k he cashed in and then take the total amount of what I took from our joint account plus my proceeds from the garage sale/sale of the furniture. Yes, folks, he and his attorney were that fucking petty. He still owed me about $5000. Then, they took our marital debt. Cousinfucker offered to take all of it on and then I would have to reimburse him 50%, so he wasn’t taking anything on. When that was done I ended up owing him, which they would take out of the 401k.

Let’s just say that sweet little Sam came slightly unhinged.

Basically what you’re telling me is that CF gets away with cutting us off and spending thousands on his mistress and her kids and I am punished for being the responsible one. I’m doing my best to pay on the pool that he allowed to be built while he was having an affair, feeding my kids, and taking care of everything while he blows through $30,000, cashes in stock, takes out a loan for $5000 and cashes in his 401k, perhaps illegally.

One of the reasons I switched was because my first attorney was telling me it would be a wash with everything CF spent on Harley and what I took from the joint account. You were the one that told me they were not the same. I was using that money on actual household expenses. I was buying groceries. I was buying pet food and household goods. I wasn’t handing out money to some other guy’s kids or going on shopping extravaganzas. Now I’m being told, “Nope, it’s the same.” I wish I had known that; I would have taken my kids on a Disney cruise instead of paying bills and being frugal with what money I had. Kinda like he did.

Oh yeah, that’s an actual excerpt from my email.

She realized as she was writing to me the first time that she hadn’t factored in the money I paid towards the pool so she was set to deduct that from what I owed. I also told her I wanted credit for the payments I made on one of the credit cards through October, credit for the bills I paid in June, credit for his final car payment, and credit for his car insurance that I paid until June. I also pointed out that I had asked her if I could have that garage sale and sell furniture; she had told me I could and that as long as I spent the money on moving expenses I wouldn’t owe him, or I could deduct that from the total. I asked for the moving expenses to be deducted and I actually got the proceeds completely taken out of the computation. Hooray for me!

I pointed out once again that there was no way he was actually going to pay off all of that credit card debt but I agreed to take on one of the smaller credit cards.

After it was all written up I will be receiving 40% of the 401k as of August, plus or minus any gains or losses. I think it kinda sucks that he cheats and I end up with 40% of the 401k, but as my lawyer pointed out if I took everything he would have no way to pay me his current arrears. Sure, I could have tried to take more of the 401k but I couldn’t touch it for another 15 or more years. I’ve got kids who need things NOW.

Technically, I will be receiving more than 50% of the 401k. My share is calculated before his original withdrawal to pay his support arrears, and it’s also calculated before he took out his $5000 loan. So, knowing it will allow him to pay me my arrears once again I was okay with the agreement we reached. It’s not the best deal but my lawyer told me she thought that was probably how the judge would rule anyway so why spend a couple thousand dollars on a trial if the judge wouldn’t give me anymore anyway?

The best part? I no longer have to save receipts! I’m going to use my last TWO YEARS worth of receipts for a damn bonfire in the fire pit I bought myself for Father’s Day this year.

The One Where My Husband Got Engaged and Harley Posts On Facebook


Still waiting on the judgement so I’m still posting Blasts From the Past. This one is about the time I found out CF and Harley were engaged and my daughter saw Harley posting on Facebook about “missing the comfort she had grown accustomed to.” Yeah, that comfort is another woman’s husband, bitch!

September 2015

These past 2 days have been exhausting.  I think I cried more in these last 2 days than I have in the previous 28.  I know I have because other than when I told the kids I haven’t cried at all.

So in the latest installment of “My Husband is a Giant Lying Douchebag” I find out Harley is wearing a diamond ring.  So nice they’re engaged before he’s even divorced.  He’s put a deposit down on a Great Dane puppy.  He’s interviewing for a job in Indianapolis.  And according to the whore, the last time he was discovered he didn’t have enough time to liquidate his assets to get out.  Oh, his “business trip” for Mars?  Not a business trip according to my source.  She had to go to Nashville, he said, for work and Zack went with her.  Apparently there is another trip in the works this coming weekend.  I think it’s fantastic how his PTSD and anxiety have magically disappeared!

Then there was the drama.  Whore posts on Facebook last week after her long Labor Day weekend with another woman’s husband:  Sleepless night.  I miss the comfort I’ve grown so accustomed to.  My daughter sees this.  My daughter is furious.  She sends her “father” a text, telling him it is distressing to see his mistress posting all over social media about sleeping with him.  She goes on to tell him that she knows he doesn’t give a shit about her mother but she thought he at least cared about her and Picasso but apparently not since he leaves every weekend.  She follows it up with how she gets that the whore is sleeping with him while he’s still married but maybe she shouldn’t be posting that all over social media. She signed it your daughter Rock Star X (soon to be Awesome) in case you forgot. His reply is epic:

Rock Star, I love you with all of my heart.  You and your brother will not speak to me and I know that is all my fault.  I don’t know if you will ever speak to me again but you will never be able to say that I don’t love you completely.  You ARE my daughter.  You will always be my daughter and I will always be there for anything you need.

I leave on the weekend because I am not welcome there.  I am paying for everything and I am not welcome at all.  Everyone eats and I starve even though I paid for it.  The doors are locked every time I walk out the door.  And there are now bells on it for some reason.

There is nothing on social media at all.  I don’t know who told you that or what you saw, but it was nothing that was posted by her.  I love you so much and I wish we could talk.  If you want to change your name that is your decision.  But I will always be your father.

Outstanding!  I don’t know why I continue to be amazed at his ability to make himself out to be the victim.  That was truly amazing though.  I did not see that twist coming.  He only leaves every weekend because he’s not welcome here.  It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s fucking his cousin.  If only I would cook him dinner and bring him a plate, do his laundry and let him know how happy I am that he’s having an affair and deserting us he’d stick around!  Do you KNOW these kids, asshole?

The part about the bells makes me laugh every time I read it.  Like, genuinely laugh.  And there are bells on the door now!  The inhumanity!  Can you believe it?  My brother told me if that sets him off I should put bells everywhere!

I love how on one hand he tells her he’ll always be there for her knowing that on the other hand he’s actively trying to move outside the state.  His daughter tells him she’s changing her name to my maiden name and his response is it’s her choice but he’ll always be her father?????  Hey, asshole, take a minute to get your dick out of your whore’s pussy and look around!  Your daughter is begging you to fight for her but you’re so damn busy impressing people that you shouldn’t be that you can’t see what’s right in front of your face!

My daughter is a rockstar though.  She turns right around and tells him:  First of all you’re not paying for everything and yes she is posting shit so don’t you dare try and lie to me about that.  She goes on to send him a screenshot of his little whore’s post.  Then adds:  And also nobody’s eating because everybody is so stressed about everything.  I will not eat because I have no appetite because I am so stressed.

And then once again he plays the poor hapless victim:  I didn’t see that post.  I wasn’t trying to lie to you.  And you need to eat or you are going to get sick.  But you’re never going to listen to anything I say ever again.

Eat shit and die, motherfucker!  Excuse me, I meant cousinfucker!

At the same time this is going on my mother discovers that Pastor Fake has liked this particular post.  Now, it could be Tammy Faye using his page but nonetheless, my mother saw red.  And she private messaged him.  Told him that if it wasn’t bad enough that she saw it because her granddaughter found it and pointed it out to her, she then sees where he has liked the post.  She goes on to tell him that she is amazed that he actually likes a post where this person is talking about how much she misses having Zack, Rock Star’s father and her daughter’s husband, in her bed.  You’re supposed to be a man of God, she tells him.  What is your version of the 10 Commandments?  Well done, my mother.

Best part is that all of this was done without me!  My mom saw the post, pointed out to her by Rock Star, and was furious.  Rock Star was pissed off as well.  These are called consequences, folks!  Oh, but I know it’s all my fault.

I hate him so fucking much.  Today I should have a little over $2300 put into our joint account.  It’s what he thinks he’s going to pay me in spousal and child support.  So today when he comes home for lunch I think I’m going to tell him his share of the bills so far is xxxx and he needs to pony up or he can move out.  I’m done being nice.  I tried being civil and living with him but he continues to smack me in the face.  He’s putting just enough in to cover the bills (well, it won’t cover them this pay period) and I’m left pulling money out of savings to buy groceries and anything the kids might need.  Yes, those kids he loves so much and promised that they would never go without anything!  Meanwhile, he has plenty of money to blow on his whore and her kids- diamonds and puppies and cars, oh my!  Why?  Because he takes all of his money and spends it on whatever he wants.  The money I get is spent on bills.  I’m hoping he doesn’t realize I can’t legally force him out of the house.

I’ve been working on the conversation and it goes something like this:  Your share of the household bills comes to xxxx.  He of course will be appalled that I would suggest he pay because he’s already paid in his mind.  So I say:  We’re still married, which means I’m legally entitled to half of your paycheck.  That means that you get $2400 and I get $2400.  I live here in this house and you still live here in this house.  I don’t know why on earth you think my entire $2400 should go towards paying all of the household bills while your $2400 goes towards your whore and her kids.  This is your half of the household bills so far.  I’ll let you know what the electric bill comes to when it comes in.  You can pay half or you can go live in a hotel room.  I would suggest getting your own apartment but I know you’re interviewing for jobs outside of the state so I’m sure you don’t want to get sucked into a one year lease.  I’m done living on savings to buy groceries and whatever your kids need while you live it up like a single bachelor without a care in the world.

And then if he tells me he’ll stop the money coming in to me I’ll tell him fine.  I’ll have the mortgage payments stopped.  It won’t affect my credit but it might make trying to buy a house later on more difficult for him.  You do what you gotta do and I’ll do what I need to do.  You let me know how you think you’re going to look in court when you go before a judge and try to explain why you abruptly cut off your wife of almost 21 years, leaving her, a stay at home wife and mother for over 15 years, with nothing.

Texts From Idiots

I’m still waiting on a verdict, and I’m still pretty superstitious about saying too much before I hear what is happening so I’m going to leave you with CF’s marvelous texts to me in the aftermath of discovering he was a liar and a cheater, and my replies to those texts. Enjoy!

September 2015

Today is shaping up to not be a good day.  I think it’s finally hitting me and I’m crying.  I spent most of yesterday researching spousal support and tax laws and trying to figure out how much to put aside in taxes each month.  That was sure fun!  If he agrees that it won’t be tax deductible for him I may not have to claim it but I don’t expect him to do me any favors.  He’s been such a standup guy so far, right?  Cousinfucker!  I hate his fucking guts.  I told a friend yesterday after she joked about him dying and doing us all a favor that I prayed for that to happen.  Every fucking weekend he goes down there I hope with all my might that he’ll drive his car off a fucking mountain and die.  I go to sleep thinking about it and how I would handle everything afterwards.

First, I would call the phone company and cancel the whore’s cell phone, along with her daughter’s.  Then I would have my lawyer draft a letter to her, demanding the return of the cell phones within 10 days or I’d be suing her.  I’d cremate him and then just throw his ashes away in the dump.  I had originally thought I’d toss them on his mom’s doorstep but I decided that was too good for her.  No funeral.  No memorial service.  No obituary unless I was able to add in there:  He is survived by his wife and 2 kids, his mistress Harley Skank-Tramp and her 4 kids……  And I’m not sure the paper would let me do that.  No headstone.  No marker.  No nothing.  If his family wants to pay for one they are free to do so.  But I’m not spending a dime on the asshole.  They should be thankful I claim the body at all!  And then I’d look into seeing if I could sue Harley for the money Zack gave her since he’s dead.  Oh, oh, oh- I just added a detail.  Instead of informing Tammy Faye and everyone else I would contact Harley.  Hello, whore.  I’m texting you to let you know Zack is dead.  Automobile accident.  You can inform his family because I won’t be.  Or maybe I just wouldn’t contact them at all.  She could find out when her phone was shut off and when he wasn’t answering her texts.  I’m sure she’d call his mother and have her try to contact him.  And then when she couldn’t get ahold of him she’d have to break down and call me to see if I knew where he was.  Yep, the police contacted me a couple days ago.  He’s dead.  I had him cremated.  Good bye.

Thankfully the crying has passed now.  I’m just so overwhelmed sometimes.  I know we have to sell the house.  I could make ends meet- probably- on what he’ll more than likely be ordered to pay, but money would be tight and there would be no savings.  The mortgage is almost $2100/month.  During the summer our electric bill is over $350.  Those 2 payments alone take up almost half of my spousal support.  Then I start looking for a place to rent.  I need a place that will allow pets and it needs to be in my kids’ school zone.  A fenced in backyard would be a plus.  I’ve been looking and it seems like there is nothing that fits that description.  And then I’m looking at $1600/month for a house that’s less than 2000 sq. ft.  I know we have a big house, probably bigger than we need.  But I like our big bedrooms.  I know Rock Star likes not having to share a bathroom with Picasso.  That’s all going to be over.  I can’t find anything with 3 bathrooms that I’ll be able to afford.  I will probably have to go back to work but I’m not going to be making shit and on top of that if Zack knows I’m working he can always take me back to court and try to get spousal support changed.  I’ll probably be working a shit job just to keep our heads afloat.  And meanwhile he’s off having the time of his life.  I swear to God, my goal is to ruin him.  I want him to commit suicide if his fucking car doesn’t crash.  I know I’m evil but I just don’t care.  I want him to hurt like I’ve been hurting, like my kids have been hurting.

I was at a point where I could safely browse Facebook.  I don’t look at his page.  Or hers.  It just hurts too much.  She’s fawning all over him and nobody chimes in, “This is all kinds of fucked up!”  But I do look on my own news feed.  Today, seeing all the happy anniversary wishes just made me so sad.  They already made me sad before because I felt like I just couldn’t participate on our own anniversary, but now seeing all these people celebrating 20+ years made me incredibly sad and I could feel the tears starting.

Anyway, I promised to write about the text I did send when he asked me if I was ok since he didn’t see my car when he left for work at 6 am.  You know, so he could leave early to fuck his bitch.  He said:

Are you ok?  I went to work at 6 and your car was gone.  Just want to make sure you are alright.

I replied:

Am I ok?  Let’s see.  My husband moved me and my kids across the country, uprooting our lives because this move was supposed to make him so happy.  A year to the day that our furniture was delivered to our new house my husband was having sex with his cousin/mistress; in fact, he blew off a family vacation with his wife and kids to be with her.  I’ve been cheated on and lied to.  My kids are scared and upset.  You aren’t even putting enough in our joint account to cover the bills, much less pay for groceries.  Meanwhile you accuse me, your actual legal wife, of stealing from you while you slink off every weekend to be with your mistress and her kids, spend hundreds each weekend, buy Harley and her daughter new iPhone 6s, and pay their cell phone bill.  So no, I’m not ok.  I’ve lost 25 pounds in less than a month, my blood pressure is sky high, and I’m left cleaning up your mess while you go off and play without a care in the world.  The time to care about whether or not I’m ok was before you went off and started having yet another affair with Harley.  It’s a little too late to act concerned about me now.  Oh, and btw, my car was in the garage.

That took place the Friday of Labor Day weekend where he left to spend 3 glorious days with the cunt and her bratty kids.  He never responded.  Gee, I wonder why not.

Then we have my favorite- the text where he wants us to work together to make this less stressful on everyone.  I’m pissing myself I’m laughing so hard.  Here it is in its glorious entirety:

Sam, let’s try to figure out a way to make this less stressful for all involved. I am saddened that you felt compelled to toss out all of my memories and my clothing.  There are so few of them in this house.  In spite of all that has happened we have a history and that cannot be erased no matter how badly you want it to go away.  So you have a choice.  You can be bitter and hateful toward me, or respect the fact that I am setting you free of the burden of being my wife.  I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that.  My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.

So stop all of this foolishness.  Let our children know I love them and let’s act like adults and come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this.  I respect you as a mother and you have followed me around the country and I am grateful to you for that.  Let’s build a future relationship that we can both be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future.  I read everything you wrote on your fake Facebook page.  I know you have been very unhappy.  It’s evident in what you wrote and your depression has heightened in the past two years.  I know you will be whole without me, we aren’t good together.  So all that said I want you and I to work on this.  To be grown up about it for the sake of our children.

And finally, here’s what I really want to say; my responses are in bold:  Sam, let’s try to figure out a way to make this less stressful for all involved. Oh, I’m sorry.  Are you stressed?  Whatever would you be stressed out over?  You are fucking your whore every weekend, thinking the two of you are going to be living on easy street while I’m saddled with all the bills and left explaining everything to your kids because you’re such a pathetic coward you can’t do anything that might be difficult.  You want this to be less stressful?  Maybe you should have thought about that before you started fucking your whore of a cousin!  I am saddened that you felt compelled to toss out all of my memories and my clothing.  There are so few of them in this house.  I didn’t throw anything out, you whiney little asshole!  In spite of all that has happened we have a history and that cannot be erased no matter how badly you want it to go away.  Are you seriously getting your panties in a twist over the fact I took our wedding pictures down?  Or do you think the fact that I’ve wasted the last 21 years of my life on such a pathetic loser is supposed to mean something to me?  Because it doesn’t.  You are nothing to me.  So you have a choice.  You can be bitter and hateful toward me, or respect the fact that I am setting you free of the burden of being my wife.  Wow- what a fucking hero! Are you fucking serious?  You actually think that fucking another woman one year to the day after you’ve moved me and my kids 2000 miles across the country, tearing them away from everything they know and love, is some sort of noble act? You really have lost your goddamn mind! I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that.  My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.  So which one is it?  Am I well provided for, or am I taking a hit?  Are your children going to live in poverty because Daddy is too busy showing off for his skank ass cousin and her fucking kids, or are you going to step up and actually be a father to them and provide for them?  Actually, don’t answer that because I’ve talked to two lawyers and both of them have come up with a far higher number than that piddly ass one you threw out at me.  Don’t you worry your little bald head about me paying you back.  You are going to pay and pay and pay.  Believe me when I tell you that MY kids will NEVER take a backseat to her or her kids, financially.  When I’m done taking my share you are going to be left with nothing.  Hey, do you think Harley will be as madly in love with you when you’ve got about $200/month to your name and she needs to work double shifts to help pay my spousal support?  Do you think her kids will think you are as wonderful when you can’t fulfill the promises you’ve made to them?  I mean, she’s already sending naked pictures to other men and her kids already talk shit about you behind your back; if you can’t buy them off how do you think they’ll treat you then?

So stop all of this foolishness. What foolishness?  I think you’ve fared very well.  I haven’t outed you to everyone on Facebook. I haven’t yelled and screamed or threatened.  I haven’t thrown all your shit out or burned it.  And believe me, those are all suggestions I’ve had from well meaning friends. I just have no desire to see your ugly face, much less have a conversation with you.  I find you revolting.  Let our children know I love them and let’s act like adults and come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this. 1.  Why don’t you tell your children you love them yourself?  Are you too much of a coward to face them?  Would seeing the hurt and devastation on their faces be too unpleasant for you?  Tough shit!  How do you think I felt when I was left all alone to tell our kids that you were leaving us for another woman?  How do you think I felt when I had to tell them you were fucking your cousin, that everyone in your sick, pathetic family knew and were ok with it, and that we were getting a divorce?  How do you think I feel every time they ask me if we’re going to have to move, or why on earth did you let us get a pool if you were fucking around with the whore, and will they be able to continue going to their same schools?  I don’t know who the fuck lied to you and told you fucking another woman and leaving your wife and kids for her would be easy. 2. I am acting like an adult.  Unfortunately for you that does not include having to have any kind of a relationship with my cheating, lying asshole of an ex-husband!  I know that would be easier on you because you have a long history of not wanting to have to do anything difficult but it’s no longer my job to baby you or make things easy. I have absolutely no desire to be friends with you.  No desire to have any type of a relationship with you.  Our kids are old enough that you can communicate with them.  I don’t need to tell you shit.  I don’t care to surround myself with liars and cheaters and that’s all you are.  You are a pathetic loser and I want nothing to do with you.  I respect you as a mother and you have followed me around the country and I am grateful to you for that. Fuck off!  I am the only parent these kids have known.  You were always too busy holing up in your room and fucking around with Harley to be much of a father to them.  And you can stick your “gratefulness” up your ass, Cousinfucker!  Let’s build a future relationship that we can both be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future. What utter bullshit!  I will not lie to my kids like that.  I am NOT happy for you.  You cheated on me and left me for another woman.  You are seriously delusional if you think I will ever be happy about that.  As far as you being happy for me?  Well, gee, isn’t that big of you?  Last time I checked I didn’t have a boyfriend waiting in the wings for me.  I’m not the one walking away from everything leaving you with all the responsibilities.  I’m not the one running off every weekend to be with someone else.  I’m not the one who has hurt our children.  I read everything you wrote on your fake Facebook page.  I know you have been very unhappy.  It’s evident in what you wrote and your depression has heightened in the past two years. Oh please!  I am not depressed and my “depression” has not heightened.  I’ve been dealing with a whiney, douchebag of a husband who takes off and fucks his cousin the first chance he gets.  I’ve been dealing with your first affair with Harley, moving across the country knowing we were moving here because of her, dealing with the fact that I’m not allowed to ever be sad or triggered by anything in regards to said affair, adjusting to life in Whoreville, and then with your fucking downward spiral and all your friends and relatives who couldn’t be bothered the last 20 fucking years to be there for you encouraging you to leave me, and finally with your drinking and all your “anxiety” and “PTSD”.  You have absolutely drained me! Maybe instead of getting your little fee fees hurt because everything wasn’t going your way you could have put on your big boy pants and actually talked to me!  I know you will be whole without me, we aren’t good together. No shit.  It’s a little difficult to be good together when you’re fucking your cousin. So all that said I want you and I to work on this.  To be grown up about it for the sake of our children.  You don’t need to worry about “our” children.  They hate you and want nothing to do with you. And you don’t need to worry about us working on this.  Your lawyer can talk to my lawyer.  Live it up, Loverboy because once we get before a judge your world is going to be rocked.

He Was (Is) Such an Ass

September 2015

So much to write. I haven’t had the heart lately. Let’s start with the good news. I’ve lost roughly 25 pounds! The divorce diet is not one I would recommend but it does work.

Papers were finally filed. I got confirmation he was down at Harley’s August 13th/14th. Mom went down, said she was pretty sure she had seen his car but her house was on a busy road so it was impossible to park and take pictures. She went back the next morning at 6 and took pictures.

He was texting me and acting like nothing was amiss. Even asked me to send him pictures of my boobs. Oh yeah, that’s gonna happen. I was so tempted to tell him to ask Harley to show him hers. But I didn’t. I kept it together.

That weekend I also found out he had cashed in the last $6000 worth of his stock and I was told by The Saint that Zack was interviewing for a job in a city close to the whore.

So, I called my lawyer and talked to him, set up a meeting for the next day and thought I filed for divorce.

I was waiting on pins and needles to see when he would be served but it turns out they hadn’t filed the papers. That didn’t happen until the 1st of this month, I believe.

Meanwhile, back on the 18th, Zack is still acting like nothing was wrong, keeping up the charade so he can continue to bilk me out of money. He had texted me on Sunday around 3 and said he was on his way home. I slept fitfully that night and was waking up about every hour. When he wasn’t home by 1 I finally transferred all the money from savings and checking into my separate account that his business expenses used to go into. My fear was that once the pool was paid off he would take what was left and just leave us. Anyway, the day I left to go supposedly file my divorce papers he texted me and asked me if I had paid off the pool yet. I said no and so he asked why I had transferred all the money out of checking and savings. So I replied, “Since you’re fucking Harley and giving her money I figured I should protect myself and my kids.” He writes back, “OK, I understand then.” While I’m waiting to see the lawyer he sends me another text. ‘Where did you go? Are you still making spaghetti tonight or should I make myself something?” Un-fucking-believeable! No one I’ve shared that with has been able to believe it. He has lost his damn mind!

The following Friday he leaves without saying a word to me about where he’s going. Rock Star was having a pool party that Saturday after cheer practice with her cheer friends. She asked where her dad was so I lied and said he must have had to go into work early. She tells me he never came home so I told her maybe he went to his home state again. As much as I hated to do it after the pool party I finally grabbed Picasso, took him down to Rock Star’s room and told them what was going on. Some may argue I told them too much but my feelings are they are 13 and 15, not 3 and 5. I’m not falling on a sword for him. I told them he was in his home state and that he was with his girlfriend. Picasso said, “You mean ex-girlfriend, right?” No, son, I mean girlfriend. Your dad is having an affair. Rock Star burst into tears and buried her face in her hands. Picasso was sobbing. I was crying. I felt horrible for them. I told them I didn’t know what was going to happen but that we would be ok and we needed to stick together. They wanted to know if we would have to move and I told them I didn’t know. Rock Star asked if everyone in his home state knew what he was up to and I admitted that yes, they did. And they’re ok with it? she wanted to know. Yes, they are. In fact, your grandmother was the one who suggested she call him because he was so sad. I did tell them that he had been involved with her before, two years prior, and so Rock Star wanted to know if that’s why we moved here. I told her that it was partly the reason, that they had talked about him moving all of us closer to her, but that I didn’t think they had been involved when we did actually move. Rock Star eventually called her dad, demanding to know where he was and why he wasn’t with us. He must have told her he was with Tammy Faye because she demanded he put her on the phone. When she got on Rock Star hung up. Neither one of them have called or texted her. Her dad has not spoken a single word to her in over a month. He went into Picasso’s room after he got home finally and cried to him, telling him we had drifted apart after having kids and we didn’t have a happy marriage. Basically, justifying his affair. This was after Picasso texted him, “Why?” and Zack replied, “Because I’m losing my mind, son. I am no good to anyone in my current shape. I have to get mentally strong to help you guys. I love you like crazy. But my brain is done. Please know how much I love you.” Hmmmm…. I didn’t realize fucking Harley made him mentally strong. No, it makes you sick in the head, you sick fucker!

Picasso and I have had a few conversations where I’m just checking in with him and he’s said he can’t trust his dad. He said that he’s spent months just hoping his dad would get better and now he feels like he was just pretending to have issues so he could distance himself from us and cheat on me. He can’t trust his grandparents which makes him sad. He even said he now believes the only reason his dad came into his room and talked to him was because he knew that Picasso liked him and he was trying to get him on his side.

It is very sad what is happening to his kids. Especially when you consider he’s acting like daddy of the year to her four kids. He’s making them pancakes (which they described as nasty ass), promising them everything. Oh, he’s jolly Zack. It’s gonna be a wake up call when the fantasy ends.

The next weekend he takes off again and I find out he’s no longer depositing his paycheck into our joint account. He put $2000 in it. Our bills are approximately $2500. I text him and tell him that his paycheck is $2800 short and unless he’s planning on paying bills with that $2800 he needs to put it back. He replies hours later that he didn’t want me draining the account again and goes on to tell me that he will continue to support his children but he’s not going to continue to let me steal every dime he makes; let me know how much you need. I take a good 24 hours to respond because I am absolutely livid. I once again exercised enormous restraint and simply told him that I needed $500 to cover the rest of our bills, $200 for their allowances, and money for groceries, pet food, and toiletries. Plus, Rock Star would like to get her Homecoming dress. I then go on to tell him: Don’t you *ever* accuse me of stealing anything from you again. The only person misappropriating money is you!

I have to say at least in his texts he has a whole new attitude. Of course, he tells me he doesn’t have it and he’ll have to give it to me next paycheck. Oh, ok. Hey kids, we’ll just eat next pay period!

That was also the weekend where I decided I was going to dump all his dirty clothes in his car and text him to have his whore wash his clothes. If she’s going to fuck him she can do some of the grunt work as well. I went over to his office but his car wasn’t there and I headed over to a friend’s because I didn’t want to see his ugly face. Apparently I missed him because when I came home the door was unlocked and his diploma and the pictures of him and his grandmother were taken down.

Then I took all of his clothes out of the master bedroom closet and moved them into the guest room.

He sends me a text on Monday, I believe. Let’s stop this foolishness. You can be bitter and hateful or respect the fact that I’m setting you free of the burden of being my wife. Tell my children I love them. Blah, blah, blah. FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! Gosh, that felt good to say. I’m always having to watch my tongue. He also tells me he’s saddened that I felt the need to throw out his clothes and all of his memories. I still don’t know what the hell he’s talking about in regards to his memories but I did write back and tell him I hadn’t thrown anything out. He tells me he has no laundry, no clothes, so I tell him everything is in the guest room. Later that afternoon he texts me and tells me that if I need him he’s staying at the Motel 6 in a nasty room. I do not reply. I also do not feel sorry for him. Just think about fucking Harley. I’m sure it’s worth it.

Next day he texts me and asks me if there’s any way I would consider letting him stay in the guest bedroom. Since he’s paying the mortgage he thinks that’s only fair. Ha! You’re really not still paying the mortgage. But I digress. I tell him I never told him he had to go; he took that upon himself. And I think that staying in the guest room would be a wise idea. I later ask him if he’s planning on putting the money I requested into the account since he no longer has to pay for a place to stay. He then goes on to tell me how his lawyer told him he would be paying me $4771/month until the kids both graduate so he can up the amount a little bit, but not much. He wouldn’t want me to have to pay him back. LOL

Oh yes, after crying to his son about how I have a lawyer and he doesn’t he turns around and hires one. Who he promptly lies to. I’m sure when she asked what he made he only told her about his monthly paycheck and totally left out the dividend payments, stock and his bonus. So not my problem.

So basically, he lives here during the week, doesn’t even give me enough to pay the bills (and his fucking car payment came out of the money he put into our account), fucks his whore of a cousin every weekend and has a jolly ol’ time down in his home state, spending money like it’s water, and I’m using money from savings to pay for groceries and anything the kids need.

What else? Well, I got a call on the 31st, I believe from the lawyer’s office. The woman told me she was working on filing my divorce and didn’t have a date of separation. I about lost it! What the hell? The whole reason I went with my lawyer to begin with was because dipshit was draining funds and interviewing for a job and I needed to move quickly! I hadn’t canceled my appointment with the second lawyer for the 2nd so I ended up going to that which was good because although her number wasn’t as high as the one my lawyer gave me it was much higher than the one Asshole threw out. I do prefer calling him Cousinfucker. That’s how I have him listed in my contacts. And she reiterated a lot of things the first lawyer told me. She doesn’t think it will be as easy to move out of state if that becomes necessary as he did, but mostly they were on the same page. I also found out that Zack couldn’t file for divorce from me because he has no grounds. He would have to wait the year before he could file. That was a bit of a relief.

My mom ended up coming down on Tuesday and she’s still here. I just couldn’t do it by myself anymore. I was a mess.

The sheriff ended up “serving” Zack at the house. I put it in quotes because he wasn’t here and the sheriff just left it on the door knob. I had to put a call into my lawyer to see what I needed to do. He’s going to be served at work as well. Good! I did put the papers back on the doorknob and they’re gone now so maybe Cousinfucker took them. My mom thinks he’s going to shit when he sees that the little whore has been named in the divorce filing and that her address is included. If he’s seen it, though, he’s been very calm.

Our cousin came up on Friday for the family reunion, as did my brother, his wife and their kids. It was nice having everyone around, and a lot more people know now because I kinda felt like I had to tell them. It was good having the support. And I’m very blessed to have friends who are checking in on me… they all check up on me, a lot of them daily. One friend is here in town and she’s offered up her house whenever needed. I’ve had 3 people ask me to move back to our former state. One friend’s husband even told her their daughter could move back upstairs and the kids and I could have the basement.

The reunion was good. As I always joke, I didn’t meet anyone, though.

Last night I found out the idiot took out a $5000 loan on his 401K. Probably to buy the cunt a car. Oh well, as my lawyer tells me, “We’re not concerned about that.” I just keep track of it all and in the end he’s going to be one unhappy man when he realizes just how big of a hole he’s dug for himself. He’ll be paying a lot… The second lawyer said that at the time support was ordered our debt would be split and since he has the capability of earning much more than I do that he would probably be ordered to take on more than half of our marital debt… Once we go to court I’m planning on making him move out so he’ll have to take on rent…

I always like to remind myself that while I’m going through hell right now, not knowing what’s going to happen his turn will come at court. Right now he’s living out his fantasy. He’s Jolly Zack; he’s Sugar Daddy. He’s happy go lucky and he’s spoiling everyone and making them promises. Sex all weekend. She’s so in love with him. She’s so blessed. Yes, bitch, God will bless you with another woman’s husband. That’s the way He works. But, after court he’s going to find he doesn’t have a lot of disposable income. And he’s going to have to use part of whatever is left over to pay rent and utilities on his own apartment because he’s not staying with me. He may not be able to swing a trip down there every weekend; it may be out of his budget. And he sure as hell isn’t going to be throwing money around like he has up until this point because he won’t have it. I think Christmas for her and her kids might be a slightly disappointing affair. He’s not going to have much to give her. I’m also fairly certain that once the money dries up the whore is going to go away.

She is a whore in the truest sense of the word. She’s fucking for money.
The Saint said she’s been unfaithful more than once. Whether that started with Zack or not I do not know. I do know she was sending naked pictures to her neighbor at the same time she was telling Zack she loved him sooooooo much. She’ll turn around and cheat on Cousinfucker. That’s who she is. She’s a whore. And an alcoholic. And a criminal.

I find it fascinating that he tells Blockhead he thinks I only stayed for the money and complains he feels like a wallet and yet what does he do? He plies his whore and her kids with money and promises of a new and better life. He’s a wallet yet again. Why you would trade in your wife and kids for that piece of shit is beyond me, especially when you now have less money. Although, he believes he’s so smart that no one will ever catch on to what he is doing and he thinks he’s going to be paying a small, paltry sum to me.

I’m going to wait until court but it’s pretty apparent to me that I’m going to have to eventually sell this house. Downsize into something smaller. Even if I were to take the money Cousinfucker will have to give me from his 401K and pay off my share of the marital debt that’s only going to increase my income by $500 at the absolute most, and it may be more like $300 or $400. The biggest savings will come in the form of a smaller house payment, smaller electric bill.

Goddamn motherfucker. Just thinking about what he’s done makes me so fucking mad! We JUST bought this house. Our mortgage is a year old. We just bought new furniture. I bought decorations so we could decorate every month. We just put in a $57K pool. Just put in a new humidifier and a new A/C unit for the upstairs. Hell yeah, let’s spend tens of thousands of dollars and then just shit it away on a whore! You dumb motherfucker. You dumb cousinfucker! Move us across the goddamn country so you can fuck your stupid bitch of a cousin. Yes, asshole, you are a genius! A little over a year ago he was having panic attacks over our move to this state. Worried that we wouldn’t make any money on the house, might even lose money. Worried about all the showings. They stressed him out. Worried we wouldn’t sell the house even though we had a buyout. And now? Well, apparently fucking Harley has cured him of all those anxieties. Let’s go ahead and sell a house we’ve had a year! He’s not worried about losing money on it this time. Not worried about not being able to sell it even though he knows it generally takes a while to move property here. We will be paying all the fucking closing costs and commissions to a realtor but he doesn’t have a fucking care in the world! Oh no because he’s got Harley spreading her legs for him and that makes everything ok!

Soon, I shall write about the text he sent me where he asked me if I was ok. Wrong question to ask me, asshole!

Still Married

I know I promised a juicy update but unfortunately I’m still married. Because CF had Harley listed as the beneficiary he didn’t want to issue a divorce decree; if something happened to him before he could change it back the kids and I wouldn’t be protected.

Speaking of the whore she did NOT make an appearance at our trial. I guess his lawyer let him know bringing a date to your divorce trial was not a good move.

Now I wait. The judge is supposed to render his decision in about a week. The only thing he ruled on from the bench was the beneficiary status of the 401k. He told CF he wanted that done immediately.

More Truths Are Revealed

August 2015

Well, my dear husband is off again.  Supposedly to Blockhead’s but The Saint tells me he’s going to Harley’s.  My mother is driving down to get proof for me.  As soon as I told her she jumped in the car and went.  She’s about 3 hours into the trip.  It should take him 6 hours, assuming he doesn’t stop, if he really ever does stop.  Maybe all this anxiety stuff is just a bunch of bullshit.

He’s withdrawn $300 out of savings and he’s done it 5 times since June 22nd.  The Saint also told me he bought her 2 new iPhone 6s.  So the Verizon bill that is supposedly for his mom and Pastor Fake is actually for the whore and her daughter.  He promised her kids a Great Dane puppy and to buy her daughter a car.  That was after he fixed her truck.  He’s so dead to me.  And he is going to be in for such a rude awakening when he’s left with $1600/month.  He has to pay rent, utilities, buy gas, buy alcohol and Kodiak, and buy food.  Wonder how much she’ll want him then.

Last Day

Today is the last day I will spend as a married woman. After tomorrow I will wear the title, “Divorced”. I haven’t really allowed myself to think about that. I’m so used to saying, “The STBX” or “I’m getting a divorce.” I wonder if I’ll feel any different once I’m actually divorced, once I’m really and truly the ex-wife.

I’m hoping that I will feel a huge sense of relief. And, of course, I’m hoping that I prevail in court and will be in a very good mood.

I’ve been working on that. I’m trying to prepare myself in case CF gets away with everything. I don’t want him to see me stunned or crying or having a major meltdown. My mother jokingly asked me if she should bring cash with her on this trip to bail me out of jail. You just never know.

Currently I’m feeling pretty nervous. The butterflies are heavy in my stomach. This is it. I don’t feel completely prepared. I feel about 80% prepared. I feel like there are things we are forgetting. I worry about what his attorney is going to ask me.

And… this morning I discovered I have a bulge in my tire so my mom ended up having to take it in and get it fixed before we left. Trip delayed.

I also found out we can have guests in the courtroom. While I’m thrilled my mom can be there that means the whore will undoubtedly be in there as well. I’m not sure nauseous adequately describes my feelings.