An Open Letter to Cousinfucker, Part 3

I wish I could tell you this is the end but it’s not. I told you I had a lot to say!

Sam, let’s try to figure out a way to make this less stressful for all involved. I am saddened that you felt compelled to toss out all of my memories and my clothing.  There are so few of them in this house.  In spite of all that has happened we have a history and that cannot be erased no matter how badly you want it to go away.  So you have a choice.  You can be bitter and hateful toward me, or respect the fact that I am setting you free of the burden of being my wife.  I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that.  My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.

So stop all of this foolishness.  Let our children know I love them and let’s act like adults and come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this.  I respect you as a mother and you have followed me around the country and I am grateful to you for that.  Let’s build a future relationship that we can both be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future.  I read everything you wrote on your fake Facebook page.  I know you have been very unhappy.  It’s evident in what you wrote and your depression has heightened in the past two years.  I know you will be whole without me, we aren’t good together.  So all that said I want you and I to work on this.  To be grown up about it for the sake of our children.

How dare you try to portray me as some depressed, pathetic individual! I don’t suffer from depression and it certainly hasn’t “worsened” over the last two years. No, I did not forget about your affair with your cousin the minute you said, “Oops, my bad!”  And yes, sometimes I would be triggered by events and it would make me sad.  For a day or two.  Then I would get over it and get on with my life. Yes, it has been difficult transitioning to life here but I’ve done it; I’m sorry I didn’t do it as quickly as you would have liked. You insisted that if you had to stay where we were much longer you would end up in a psych ward so we all sacrificed and gave up our lives there so that YOU would be happy.

Our daughter gave up her dream of competing gymnastics in college. She gave up her teammates and gymnastics.  She was just saying the other day, “Imagine how good I would be now if we had stayed.”  And when asked if she would rather have her life as a gymnast or the life she has here with cheerleading and high school gymnastics and her friends and boyfriend and great social life, she still, without hesitation, picked being a Level 10 gymnast. YOU took that away from her for your own selfish wants and desires.  YOU took that away from her so you could go have sex with your cousin.

And our son? Our son gave up hockey and cello.  He still talks about playing hockey again some day, still talks about how much he loved played the cello.  He likes playing the trombone (would have preferred to play the saxophone but I didn’t know what our money situation would be like and the trombone was cheaper than the sax) but he loved the cello.  And while he likes his two neighborhood friends he doesn’t really like his school and thinks most of his classmates are rednecks.

We all gave up all of our friends.  For YOU.  As for myself, I not only gave up all of my friends but also my support system.  See, when you have a husband who doesn’t think that raising the children is part of his responsibility it helps to have a great network of friends who can pitch in and help out at times.  People who can carpool with you.  People that you can call in a pinch and ask them for a favor.  It would be really nice to have all of those people around me now, now that you’ve left me for the same woman you cheated on me with two years ago. I loved my life in Utah.  I loved being active in PTA and would have volunteered to be the Associate Director of the region, if we didn’t move.  I loved my Bunko group. I loved volunteering at the schools and being involved, knowing people and what was going on.  I don’t have that here.  I gave it up for you and for your happiness.  I gave it up for our future. Our bogus future that you had no intention of honoring.

Once we got here you were no happier than you had been before. You told me you wanted to be the most important person in my life and once we moved and I had no one else you started to pull away. You constantly told other people you were convinced I was going to leave you when I would have never done that; I was committed to you, to our marriage, to our family.  You told your sister I wrote on my fake Facebook page (when you were almost “dying”) that you were annoying me and wasting my time.  THAT NEVER HAPPENED!  I double checked because I was appalled that I could actually say something like that.  I never wrote anything like that.

And as far as you dying?  Honey, they don’t give you the option of going to the ER if you’re near death.  And they don’t tell you you can be admitted or go home if you’re near death.

You know how you know it’s serious?  When they tell you you’re not leaving their office until you’ve either scheduled surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy or been given a methotrexate shot to dissolve the ectopic pregnancy.  Of course, you wouldn’t know that because your response when I told you was that you couldn’t leave work.

I went through treatment for an ectopic pregnancy ON MY OWN and you whine because I called the doctor, made your appointment, took you to the ER, sat with you for hours, and encouraged you to let them admit you but apparently wasn’t, what, sympathetic enough?  At least I was there which is more than I can say for you.

And finally, yes, I was on Prozac briefly because I was finding it difficult to deal with all of YOUR issues: your refusal to get help, your withdrawal from me and your kids, your supposed PTSD and anxiety, your lies to everyone about me, dealing with the fact that you consistently turned to people who encouraged you to leave me, and your non-stop drinking. And yet I still hung in there, determined to stand by and help you.

I did everything I could and I never shied away from my own faults.  I immediately took responsibility for my part in the void between us the first time you confessed.  I NEVER placed all the blame on you.  Even though I should have.  Because you see, no one makes another person cheat.  That’s a decision YOU made- all on your own.

I did all the things you wanted me to do, all the things you said you felt were lacking. You wanted me to text you constantly so I texted constantly.  You wanted me to tell you every mundane thing that I did, so I told you about every mundane thing I did. You wanted to know where I was all day long so I updated you all the time. I sat outside on the porch and watched you while you did yard work and brought you something to drink when you would mow the lawn because you said that’s something you wanted me to do.  I twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be everything you wanted!

As soon as I found out you knew about the other Facebook page I shut it down so as not to hurt you any further. When your mom asked if I had ever told you I forgave you I told her I had never said those exact words but I had told you I was committed to us and I put all my trust in you and moved across the country a mere 6 hours from your mistress.  Then when I went to visit you in the psych ward I took your face in my hands and told you I loved you, I forgave you, I wasn’t going to leave you and we would get through all of this together.  And what did you do?  You started up another affair with your cousin after upending our lives.  All because you got your feelings hurt over a stupid Facebook page.

 

4 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Cousinfucker, Part 3

    1. Oh I do, Moi. I don’t think I have ever missed him. I’ve missed my old life, and by life I mean lifestyle. I lament the fact that my kids have had their lives repeatedly torn apart and tossed around. There have been huge changes and adjustments but I’m pretty sure I’ve never thought, “Oh God, I miss him so much!” I lost every feeling I ever had for him when I found out what he was doing.

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  1. This is not the most profound post, but he’s not only a pile of shit, he’s full of shit. Really! Let’s be happy for each other! More like you be happy for him.

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