Welcome to Part 4! Aren’t you glad this wasn’t one long post?
Sam, let’s try to figure out a way to make this less stressful for all involved. I am saddened that you felt compelled to toss out all of my memories and my clothing. There are so few of them in this house. In spite of all that has happened we have a history and that cannot be erased no matter how badly you want it to go away. So you have a choice. You can be bitter and hateful toward me, or respect the fact that I am setting you free of the burden of being my wife. I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that. My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.
So stop all of this foolishness. Let our children know I love them and let’s act like adults and come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this. I respect you as a mother and you have followed me around the country and I am grateful to you for that. Let’s build a future relationship that we can both be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future. I read everything you wrote on your fake Facebook page. I know you have been very unhappy. It’s evident in what you wrote and your depression has heightened in the past two years. I know you will be whole without me, we aren’t good together. So all that said I want you and I to work on this. To be grown up about it for the sake of our children.
If I don’t get to forget I have a past with you then you don’t get to rewrite history. We were happy together. Our daughter used to tell me how we made her uncomfortable because we were so affectionate towards one another. We did things together. You were involved with your kids for once. We took vacations together. We moved across the country, bought a new house, furnished it, made all sorts of promises to our kids, put in a pool. We talked about me traveling with you on business when the kids got older. I continued to tell you how I was going to stand beside you and help you get the help you needed so that someday soon we could do all the things we had talked about. Hell, it wasn’t that long ago you were asking me to marry you again and telling me you wished I could get pregnant again so that I would be stuck with you (your words) for another 18 years and couldn’t leave you! And then you bailed. You turned to everyone except me because you couldn’t handle anything not going completely your way. You have no excuse for what you did. None!
You want to be grown up about all this? You want to have a future relationship where we can both be happy for one another? You want me to tell your children you love them? I can be bitter and hateful towards you or respect the fact that you’re freeing me from the burden of being your wife? You respect me as a mother and are grateful to me for following you all around the country? Please! Again, don’t act like you’re some sort of hero. The only person you’re accommodating is yourself. Well, yourself and your girlfriend. I was always honest with you that I did not want to divorce and I thought we could be happy. And we were. Stop acting like you’re doing me some sort of favor. Having an affair with your cousin is NOT some noble act. You’re screwing her because it makes YOU happy and to hell with everyone else.
You want to talk about being grown up about all of this? Who is the one who has been lying to his family for months? Who is the one siphoning off marital funds to his mistress? Who is the one sneaking off every weekend to be with another woman and her kids? I am the one who has been left holding the bag and having to make excuses for you while you’re off having a grand old time playing house with your mistress and pretending to be daddy of the year to her kids. Kids who, I might add, already have an involved father; your kids are the ones who are left with no father present. I waited almost two weeks before I finally told them the truth. Two weeks I knew what a liar and cheater you were and I tried to protect my kids. I had to sit there with a pit in my stomach every time they would talk about their future here, all the things they wanted to do, all the plans they were making, knowing that their father was having an affair and planned on walking out on us. I paid school fees, not knowing if my kids would even be going to their respective schools. And fielded your sick requests for naked pictures while I did so, knowing you weren’t with your buddy but were instead with the other woman, your cousin. I had to play happy hostess because our daughter was having a pool party with her cheerleading teammates, knowing once again the entire time you were in your home state with your cousin/mistress. I was the one who had to explain where you were. I even tried to protect you.
Our daughter asked where you were and I told her you must have left early to go into work. That’s when she said, “No, Mom, he never came home last night.” I’m the one who had to tell our kids we were getting a divorce. I’m the one who watched as our daughter buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. I’m the one who had to comfort our son as he sobbed, towering over me. Where were you? Oh that’s right. You were with your cousin/mistress and her kids having a fantastic time! Was that the weekend you bought her a diamond ring, or was that another weekend? And when your daughter called you, crying, and then hung up you didn’t even have the guts to call her back. In fact, you haven’t spoken to her at all. She tells me you look right at her in the morning and say nothing.
To be fair you did reply when she sent you an angry text because she saw your mistress posting on Facebook about how lonely she was with her married lover/cousin no longer sharing her bed. Of course you immediately went into victim mode instead of assuming any responsibility, or actually apologizing for your mistress’s crass behavior and assuring her it will stop.
The only time you talked to our son was to try to convince him that you were justified in having an affair and telling him things that no 13 year old should have to hear and then again about two weeks later when you said hello to him. You’ve spent twenty years whining about how your own father treated you and now you are treating your own children even worse. At least he had somewhat of an excuse- he had no idea if you were actually his child or if your mother was just trying to pass you off as his. You don’t have that excuse. I haven’t been with anyone other than you in twenty-one years and you know damn well both of those kids are yours.
You have chosen to try to impress children that are not yours at the expense of your own and then you want me to talk you up to your kids because you can’t be bothered? Tell my kids I love them? YOU TELL THEM! You have been living in this house the entire time you’ve been conducting your affair. Your relationship with your kids is yours to manage. They are 13 and 15, not 3 and 5. They both have cell phones and I know you have their numbers. No one is preventing you from talking to them or spending time with them. You have chosen not to. You are a coward and unable to do anything that might be unpleasant. You know your kids aren’t willing to give you a pass on your behavior. You know they’re disappointed in you and hurt by your actions.
Her kids, on the other hand, think you’re just the best because you’re working really hard at impressing them and showing them what an awesome dad you are while throwing money at them left and right. So why wouldn’t you want to hang out with the tiny sycophants instead of dealing with your own children that you have hurt and disappointed and basically thrown away?
Instead of putting on your big boy panties and facing the music you barricade yourself in whatever room you’re staying in and ignore them while they’re living under the same roof and then you take off every weekend to be with your fawning mistress and her equally fawning kids instead of spending any time with those kids you love so much.
You actually had the audacity to tell your daughter (via text, of course) that you leave every weekend because you’re not welcome at the house. SERIOUSLY? Do you really think she believes that crap?
You leave every weekend because your mistress lives out of state. You can’t have sex with her if you’re in one state and she’s in another. Nothing any of us did would prevent you from taking off every weekend. We could be throwing a ticker tape parade for you every time you come home, having family dinners, watching movies together, and just generally acting like there is absolutely nothing wrong going on and you would STILL be leaving every weekend.
Those are choices you are making so again, stop playing the victim; man up and accept responsibility for your behavior. Your kids are the actual victims in all of this. You uprooted their lives and took them away from everything they ever loved and knew only a year ago, and now that they have acclimated to this new life and have made new friends you are destroying their lives once again. If you have no relationship with your kids that is your doing, not mine.
You’re promising to buy her kids a puppy (and apparently have already put a deposit down!) and her daughter a car. You’ve sent her money to fix her truck, bought them iPhones and pay their cell phone bill but you can’t afford to buy your own daughter a Homecoming dress and you don’t care that there is no money for groceries. You make pancakes for kids that aren’t yours but you would throw a tantrum any time you had to do anything more than make a quick pickup for your own kids.
Do you remember that fit you threw when you had to run to Target to pick up a dollar gift for your daughter’s Christmas party? I sure do! “This is NOT what I want to be doing!” you hissed before hanging up on me. Or how you labeled the few hours you had to watch your son as “the worst day of your life”?
You spend every weekend with kids that aren’t yours but you can’t be bothered to come and watch your own daughter cheer at the football games. You can go out to restaurants and have a grand ol’ time with kids that don’t belong to you but you can’t manage to go out to dinner with either of your own kids on their birthday. Or go see a movie with them. Or go on vacation with them. Or really do anything with them.
Oh, that reminds me; when were you planning on telling your kids you’re trying to move hours away from them so you can be closer to your mistress and her kids, or is that yet another unpleasant, grown up thing you’re going to leave for me while you run off and play?
You know what? I can sum this up for you in one tidy sentence. I HAVE told them you love them as you requested; they just don’t believe it anymore.
Then you’re going to turn around and throw me a bone, telling me how much you respect me as the mother of your kids? I would certainly hope so considering you leave them with me every weekend, not even bothering to tell them goodbye; of course, you don’t bother to speak to them during the week anyway so why would you make it a point to let them know you’ve left once again? Let’s not forget the fact that you always left everything up to me and weren’t shy about letting me know how much you hated “babysitting” your own children. Or the fact that you’re actively seeking employment outside of the state in which your children reside. So I guess it’s a good thing that I am such a fantastic mom, seeing as how you don’t plan on sticking around. And then there was that little matter of the hurricane and the governor declaring a state of emergency. Sure, we had flash flood warnings, possible high winds that could have uprooted trees which could have crashed through the house; we were warned that we would probably lose power so no electricity, possibly for days. I suppose you respect me so much as a mom that you figured I had it all handled, even in the face of a hurricane, and it was much more important to go be with your mistress and your fake family than it was to stick around in case your actual children needed something. Then again, I’m not the one who is trying to buy off another man’s children to convince them of what a terrific person I am while my own kids do without.
It’s also nice knowing that you’re “grateful” I’ve followed you all over the country these past twenty years. I bet you’re really grateful I was dumb enough to trust you and move to BFE. It would be a lot more difficult and expensive to meet up with your girlfriend every weekend if you had to take a plane, huh?
But, I didn’t just follow you all over the country. I’m the reason you’re where you are in your career. I put aside any career aspirations I had to support you and your goals; I moved 3 times in the first 6 years of marriage. Makes it difficult to get an actual career going when you’re constantly moving. I put aside my own security, thinking I could trust you, so that I could raise our children and you could take every opportunity out there. You never had to turn down a dinner with clients or corporate big shots. You never had to turn down business trips. Last minute trip? No problem- you had a stay at home wife! Need to go in on Saturday? Stay late? Go in early? I don’t need to shuffle anything around; I’ve got a wife to pick up my slack at home! I never vetoed a move, even when I should have (our current town springs to mind). And you never had to worry about juggling work and raising kids. You never had to tell a boss: Sorry, I can’t come in early; it’s my turn to take the kids to daycare. Sorry, I have to run a backpack up to the school; my kid forgot it and my wife is out of town on business. Sorry, I can’t come in today; my child is sick and my wife can’t take anymore time off. No, that would have never happened because you were always quite clear that if I ever did work my job was to NEVER interfere with yours. You were explicit that you would not step up to the plate as far as helping out around the house or with the kids. You were not going to make dinner, go grocery shopping, do laundry, or run kids around. And there had definitely better not be any weekend hours because the weekends were yours to sit around and watch tv- NOT “babysit” your own kids!
Part 5 coming soon….