As you probably know by now I read a lot of different blogs. I’ll be reading one and there will be a link that looks interesting at the bottom of it so I’ll click on it and I keep doing that and before I know it I am learning some very interesting things.
For example there are a lot of people out there who cheat, but instead of calling it that they like to say they are non-conformists, or they practice non-monogamy. They believe that most of us peons are way too sheltered to understand this new, enlightened way of conducting relationships and they will be looked down upon by the unwashed masses so they can’t dare breathe a word of it to anyone!
I’m probably one of those peons so more than likely I’m way off base here, but when I think of non-monogamy I think of someone who doesn’t want to date only one person. I think of someone who wants to play the field and not settle down. I don’t have a problem with that. I can’t think of a single reason that anyone would have a problem with that.
Here’s where it gets a little tricky. See, when they say they prefer non-monogamy what they really mean is, “I don’t have a problem with fucking your spouse.” I don’t know about the rest of you but I think that’s a whole lot different from, “I prefer not to settle down with one person.”
You feel free to go out and fuck as many people as you want to; I won’t judge you for it. When you start fucking my spouse? I’ve got a huge problem with that.
Polyamorous? Open marriage? Swinging? New piece of ass in every city? Knock yourself out. If both people know about it and both people are on board who am I to say you’re wrong? I wouldn’t want it for myself but I’m not going to judge someone who does. Obviously, I would not be a good fit for someone like that as a romantic partner; however, I would have no problems being friends with them. I’m not going to shun anyone.
The problem arises when the so-called non-conformist wants to “non-conform” with someone else’s spouse. You know what’s going on. The cheating spouse knows what’s going on. The only person who doesn’t know what’s going on is the duped spouse. That person is being lied to and betrayed. That’s not okay.
Frankly, I don’t want to hear the tired old line about you not making vows to the betrayed spouse. You know your non-conforming buddy is married. You know the spouse doesn’t know and hasn’t given consent. You’re still fucking that person. It’s a shitty thing to do to another human being. Period.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but fucking someone else’s spouse without their knowledge is not edgy and non-conforming; it’s selfish. People aren’t against non-conforming relationships. They’re against people having a non-conforming relationship with their spouse. Again, open relationship, polyamory, swinging… Two (or more!) consenting adults can do whatever they choose. They’re not prejudiced against non-monogamy. You want to keep your options open, good for you. They’re not, however, excited about you being non-monogamous with their spouse. That’s an asshole move. You want to label that as non-monogamy and non-conforming instead of what it really is- cheating? That’s an asshole move, too. As well as being dishonest. Most people don’t like dishonest assholes.