Divorce Laws and Double Standards, Part 1

I have come to the conclusion that laws in Virginia are written by entitled, narcissistic cheaters. Bear with me for one moment while I recap.

It is a state (commonwealth) that requires a couple to be separated for a year and one day before they can file for divorce. Keep in mind, too, that they are very big on physical separation. Separate houses. Separate bank accounts. In some states (think Illinois) the breadwinner is not allowed to cut off the spouse financially until the divorce is finalized. Not so with Virginia. Nope, once you decide to separate, either by living separately or living separately under the same roof (but not legally separated ‘cause that’s not a thing in Virginia!), everything that is his is his and everything that is hers is hers. In my case…further contributions to a 401k? His. Cutting off his SAH wife who has moved all over the country for him and hasn’t worked in 15 years? Sure, go for it! I didn’t have a job to buy groceries or get the kids anything they might need, but that’s no longer his problem. We’re living separately now. Spending thousands on a whore and her kids? Oh yes; absolutely! Buy puppies and engagement rings without having to account for any of that or have to pay back any as marital money? You betcha! It’s now all his money! In fact, feel free to set up a joint checking account with the whore.

Why are they so big on physical separation? For starters, it supposedly makes it so much harder in the eyes of the court to consider you actually separated if you’re still under the same roof. How do they know if you are truly separated or only playing separated?

They have a long laundry list of things you can’t do when living separately under the same roof. Obviously, sharing bank accounts is out. As is doing each other’s laundry, cooking for one another, and going to events together. That’s just for starters. Let people know you intend to divorce, stop wearing your wedding rings, and for God’s sake don’t have sex (I wouldn’t have let him touch me with a diamond encrusted dick at that point)!

It is a commonwealth that allows at fault divorce but the standard for proving fault, at least for adultery, is almost impossible. Remember- CF and Harley were living together, engaged, and had shared a joint checking account since August of 2015 before I even found out about them, and yet my lawyer told me she didn’t think we had enough to prove our case.

I remember my first lawyer telling me that the only thing they consider adultery is actual sex. Your spouse can have an online love affair, pledge their love for another in the public square, send naked pictures, sext all night and all day, share a bank account, give the paramour money, make out in public, spend thousands on said paramour and the paramour’s kids, and parade the paramour all over Hell’s Creation, but unless you have irrefutable proof that they’re having sex they are in the clear. Sorry about your hurt feelings.

Why is that? Does Virginia just really hate divorce and by not granting an instant divorce on the grounds of adultery they want couples to try to work it out, or at least have plenty of time to think things over before taking this drastic step?

I don’t think so. I think it’s more likely that men (because let’s face it- most of the lawmakers were/are indeed men) couldn’t get rid of at fault divorce for whatever reason. In turn, they figured they would write the laws so that it would be very difficult to prove and none of them would have to deal with the public scrutiny of being labeled an adulterer. It’s difficult to claim you “just grew apart” when anyone can peruse the court documents and see you were sued for divorce based on adultery. And for them to further see that the divorce was actually granted based upon that.

In the meantime, while the cheaters are off sowing their wild oats the betrayed partner is supposed to sit at home and remain faithful to the cheater. Why? Because if you are a person who will be granted alimony the standard for proving adultery is much lower. Have you physically separated as Virginia would like you to? Is the cheater hoarding all of his or her money and blowing it on Schmoopie? Yeah, too bad, so bad. The cheater is allowed to do that. You, however? You need to forsake all others because you are married! If you dare to have sex while you’re separated from your cheater you could then be accused of said adultery.

Yep, you can be physically separated for any duration of time (6 weeks, 10 months, 2 years, 5 years…) and if your spouse catches whiff of you dating while separated, and can somehow prove you’re having sex, you lose all claims to alimony. You can lose your alimony if they can prove you’re having sex while you wait for the judge’s decision after the divorce trial. Why? Because Virginia considers you married until you’re no longer married. Living separately? Still married. Husband living with another woman in another state? Still married. Paid out the ass for a divorce trial and are awaiting the judge’s decision, knowing the divorce will be granted? Still married.

That brings me back to my theory. Those clever lawmakers weren’t clever enough. They forgot that they aren’t the only ones that lie and cheat. They’ve done such a bang up job of writing laws to protect cheaters that they now may be stuck with a cheating wife. And have to pay her alimony on top of that!

What to do… what to do…. Write more laws! If they couldn’t prove the cheating wife was lying before the divorce, then they could prove it on the other side, when offering up reasons as to why they shouldn’t have to pay alimony. It also benefits all those men who are lying and cheating on their wives because they get a chance to get out of jail free so to speak. If they’re fucking their mistresses and dragging out the divorce, perhaps the wife will move on and meet someone before the ink on the divorce decree is dry. Hallelujah! No more spousal support! Now he gets to keep the whore and all his money.

Again, the bar is now much lower. You want to be granted a divorce based upon adultery? Your spouse is living with the other person and sharing a bank account with that person and you’ve got pictures of his car parked at her house all night? Eh. Not really enough to prove anything happened. You need to wait a year and a day before filing for divorce. You want to stop paying alimony because after you’ve cheated on your spouse he or she has moved on? There’s a car in the driveway all night? Adulterous slut! No alimony for you, you cheating whore!

I’ve written about this before so you may be wondering why I’m revisiting it. Turns out those sneaky lawmakers weren’t finished. Spousal support stops when the person receiving it either remarries or lives with someone in a relationship analogous to marriage for more than eleven months. Sounds simple, right? I mean, in Virginia you’re either married or you’re divorced; there’s no in-between. Obviously then, you’re either married/living with someone or you’re not, right?

To be continued…


3 thoughts on “Divorce Laws and Double Standards, Part 1

  1. Wow, this is INSANE. I always thought having to wait any amount of time for a divorce that was longer than the amount of time you had to wait to get married was ridiculous anyway, but I can’t imagine waiting a year and a day while your former partner is canoodling with someone else! That’s disgusting, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But I’m glad you’re writing about it and getting the word out, this is important stuff!


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