Another Round Of Parental Alienation

Yet another OW’s blog. Yet another accusation of parental alienation. By now everyone knows if the kids don’t come around it’s not because the other parent is an insensitive, selfish asshole; it’s because the custodial parent is alienating them.

I don’t know. Maybe most of these cheaters think they are so wonderful they can’t conceive of a situation where someone would choose not to spend time with them. Their insipid little cohorts are sipping the same Kool-Aid. “My bae is so amazing that, of course, his kids can overlook all of the selfish, shitty things he has done in the name of love. If they aren’t talking to him it’s because the horrible, mentally abusive wife has manipulated them. No, alienated them!”

Perhaps I take these articles personally because I know Cousinfucker has told people I’ve turned the kids against him. I saw the Facebook post where he was lamenting the fact his children “probably wouldn’t see this” (his post) but wishing them a happy Thanksgiving nonetheless and telling them how much he loved them. I saw the responses to that.

Hang in there!

One day they’ll be old enough to make up their own minds!

Just keep telling them you love them!

They’ll know the truth one day.

It fries my fritters when I hear that crap! My kids already know the truth. They know that their dad cheated on me. They know that while he lived with us for the next six months he didn’t bother talking to them. They know he walked out the door without saying a word to either of them. He didn’t bother to tell them he was moving out of the house, much less out of the state. They know he could drive to see his cousin/mistress every single weekend before he moved, and that he couldn’t be bothered to visit them even one weekend in more than two years. They know all of this because they lived it. And those are just the big things.

They have experienced the joy of leaving behind lifelong friends where they grew up. My daughter had the pleasure of giving up her dream of being a Level 10 gymnast, and my son gave up playing the only sport he ever liked- hockey- because their dad was unhappy in Utah and wanted this “dream job”.

We promised them a better life. We sweetened the pot, so to speak, with promises of a pool, a hot tub, a game room, a theater room. My son looked forward to working side by side with his dad, helping him build it.

Instead, they got a father who once again shut himself off in his room. They got a father who ended up in the psych ward. A father who couldn’t go outside supposedly. A father who couldn’t celebrate their birthdays with them.

And then they got to watch as this helpless father who couldn’t go anywhere could suddenly play the devoted daddy to children that weren’t his. He could attend their birthday dinners. He could walk the mall with their whore of a mother on Christmas Eve, shopping for gifts. He could make pancakes for them, and buy them puppies and phones and expensive dresses. He could even go on family vacations.

It didn’t stop there, however! They got the pleasure of moving out of their home, watching all their furniture be sold off, saying goodbye to new friends, and moving yet again- this time more than 600 miles away.

My son had a fairly seamless transition, but my daughter was miserable the first six months or so. She lost her place in the Sports Hall of Fame. She lost future Homecomings (my alma mater does not have a Homecoming dance). She lost gymnastics for good. She had been counting down the days until she could get her license and now she was told nothing she did back in Virginia counted; she would have to start all over and wouldn’t be eligible to get her license for another 6 months. She was devastated. She lost any desire to gain a new set of friends. My beautiful, vivacious girl who was surrounded by friends and a social butterfly, became withdrawn, anxious, and depressed. As she told me once, she went from being everything to being nothing.

My son hasn’t seen or spoken to his father since February of 2016. Cousinfucker was creeping around in the shadows at her graduation and didn’t show himself until we had all left. My wonderful, talented, soft hearted son was with my mom on his way to the restaurant so CF never spent a single second with him. He didn’t bother to make it a priority to say a word to his son. This year he sent Rock Star a birthday and graduation gift, but sent nothing for Picasso- not even a card. I doubt very much that he will attempt to reach out to ask for a ticket to his graduation in 2 1/2 years.

THAT is my children’s reality. THAT is their truth. And that is why my son has no relationship with his father and my daughter has a very superficial one. It is nothing I did or said. He did a much better job at alienating them than I could have ever attempted.

 

3 thoughts on “Another Round Of Parental Alienation

  1. This is so sad. My marriage didn’t end, but what you’re going thru with cf is my mother in law. It’s how my wh was raised. Caring or pretending to care for others was weak. Being aloof and selfish was rewarded. When you’re not being lavished with attention it’s because others are conspiring against you. It’s never your fault. Never.

    Dear grandma hasn’t seen my kids in ages. Maybe she doesn’t care, maybe there hasn’t been a family function that required her to double down on accessories (grandkids) that flatter her. She can phone text email all of them without my interference and chooses not to. It’s so much easier to say that “lemondrop keeps me from seeing them.” She flies to the other side of the world pretty easily and the flight here is 1hr, so… but it’s all my fault.

    I find that these assholes can only “function” within a triangle. I removed myself from it, (nc with my inlaws) you removed yourself too, Sam. Which leaves then impotent. I liken it to the entertainment the current leader concocts by saying ugly things and being insulting and divisive instead of talking about action, unity, positivity, connection. It’s all noise to avoid true connection. If they keep making noise, they appear too busy and important to actually do the hard work of building true connection, relationships etc. My kids know how to contact my inlaws. If they wanted to, they would and I’d never know. Nor would I be angry. They’re teenagers. She’s family. She doesn’t even cross their minds because they know that they are trinkets she trots out in order to look a certain way. They are currency in her transactions.

    Some people fall ill and do everything they can to get better. They will always try. Others can spend hours telling you all the things they can’t do and why they can’t. (Changing my diet is hard. I can’t do that what’s the point?) Only focusing on what they can’t do. Same with folks looking for a job. Don’t tell me all the reasons you can’t, show me what you can.

    Weak assholes. When the house burns down, the truth is the only thing still standing. Your amazing kids know that. That’s why they are getting thru this, no matter how hard it is at times, and not running to Cousinfucker. If that’s where truth and light and easy living were going down, they’d be there. That’s why they are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the saddest part is the fact that this isn’t an isolated experience. There are thousands of people who could tell you the exact same story.

      I’m sorry your MIL is like that, but I’m glad you’ve been able to remove yourself from the situation. Nothing like taking yourself out of the equation, is there?

      Like

  2. I forgot to add: my fil, with 5 grandkids, decided a few years back to join Big Brothers and mentor a boy. I was gobsmacked. He has 3 grandsons. Wtf was that about? Nothing nefarious or creepy about him at all, but why not spread that effort among family?

    Like

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