Another Round of Bullshit To Be Refuted

Sam sure does love her some memes! I’m always trolling Pinterest for something fun. Sometimes I use my investigative talents for good, like when I made this darling Valentine’s Day advent calendar.

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Or, when I made this Halloween care package for Rock Star.

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Other times I use my powers for evil. So sit back and enjoy!

Let’s tackle step parenting first, shall we?

There are some really bizarre notions out there. Such as…

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No. Just no.

Before I go any further let me say I think there are some fantastic step parents out there. I don’t discourage people from having good relationships with their step kids. I think it’s wonderful when everyone gets along and likes each other. It’s great when the steppie isn’t trying to oust the kid from the parent’s life, or isn’t a horrible monster. I’m all for loving your step kid. However… fucking someone who has kids does not make you a parent.

I’m not remarried but I have two kids who have been ghosted by their dad. The mobster is not remarried but he has four kids who have been ghosted by their mom. Pretty much. It still does not make me mommy, or him daddy.

If our kids end up developing a good relationship with each of us then that’s great. If not, we’ll live.

In other situations, especially ones where the kids are much younger, if new step mommy wants to attend ballet recitals and take lots of pictures, great. If she wants to take the kid to the movies or go get ice cream, fantastic. That does not make the child hers. She will find that out very quickly if her husband decides to divorce her. She will have no rights to “her” kids.

Also, how insulting is it to act like the other parent no longer exists? I don’t stop being “Mom” simply because my former husband decides to marry someone else. He may have a new wife but my kids do not have a new mom. In my specific case I don’t think my kids could pick Harley out in a lineup. Which, incidentally, is not a new thing for her.

In cases where there are younger children though, no, you did not replace their mother. Stop it! Enjoy your relationship as is without insisting on the title of “Mom” to children who already have a competent mother.

Where there is adultery? Oh hell no! You may have taken my husband, but I’ll get over that. You try to take my kids? I’ll throw your fucking body in one of those cattle wells out in Montana where it will take them years to dig you out if they even know where to look. You want to take them fun places, buy them shit, have a good time? Knock yourself out. But you are NOT the mom.

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Are you for real? I mean, if by “mine” you mean, “my” stepchildren, well sure. They’re “your” stepchildren, as opposed to Helen’s stepchildren or Gloria’s stepchildren. If you mean “mine” as in my “children”, refer to above. No, they are not yours. They still have a mother. She still outranks you. They are not your children. You have no legal rights to them.

One of the people who commented on this said her two stepchildren were just as much hers as her husband and her biological son were. Again, if a divorce were to occur she would find out very quickly that they are not hers. She is in their lives because she is married to their father. Once that relationship is severed, so is the relationship with the kids. In most cases.

Besides, what is so wrong with acknowledging that you are a stepparent? I look at being a stepparent as being very similar to being a cool aunt. For the record, I am the coolest aunt out there. I rock that title! I have no doubt I would rock being a stepparent, too. I would get to do all the fun stuff while the parent had to deal with all the tough shit. I take them out shopping and to the movies and buy them lots of fun stuff, and Dad gets to discipline them because they’re his kids. Not mine.

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These are always my favorite. Where do I even start with this?

Okay, to begin, I would get off that high horse because the first thing you figure out once you become a parent is that EVERYONE has an opinion on what you’re doing, and 99% of them think you’re doing it wrong. It’s very easy to sit back on the sidelines and critique what someone else is doing. It’s not quite as easy when you’re in the trenches. Besides, if Wonder Stepmom were to ever have to deal with her own child having a stepmom I’m sure that stepmom would have plenty to say about Wonder Stepmom’s lack of parenting skills.

Secondly, I always wonder where the second parent is. I mean, okay Mom’s a piece of shit, but where is Dad? Is he falling down on the job, too? Can only women raise children? Has Dad done a piss poor job of raising his kids? If Mom is not around or is a lackluster parent then is he refusing to step up and leaving it all to Super Steppie? If that’s the case then I would say that Super Steppie might want to take that up with her hubby. Seems Mom is not the only one with the inadequate parenting skills.

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Would anyone like to guess why I picked this one?

I love how a woman knows the relationship is over and there are no hard feelings! Oh no! She realizes your happiness is the most important thing ever! She is also willing to work with you and will compromise (which is probably code for: let’s you have your way all the time). A real mother will get along with you for the sake of the child/ren.

Is it just me or is the real difference just how much shit she’s willing to take? If she doesn’t roll over and let you get away with everything she’s a damn baby mama. If she let’s you step all over her then she’s the mother of your child. Also, a damn fine kibble dispenser and someone who worships you.

Yes, I realize there are some women out there who will use their children as pawns. I don’t think it’s the majority of them. I also think there are a lot of people out there who think that if the baby mama/mother of the child won’t immediately cave to whatever demands the other parent has that it means she’s being difficult and creating drama.

These are very similar. And very wrong. Regardless of what kind of financial aid CF may toss my way I am very much a single mom. My kids are much older, but I’m a single mom, nonetheless. I have no husband or co-parent to help me out with Picasso when he needs to be picked up from school because the bus is running an hour behind, or because he has club that day. I can’t call my husband or co-parent if he misses the bus in the morning and needs to be taken to school. I do not have a partner or co-parent to help me out when he’s falling behind in school, or having any kind of emotional meltdown. Any problems that may arise I am expected to handle. When Rock Star needs something, she calls me. If she has questions or problems, I am the one to help her. I am totally on my own with the day to day care of both my kids.

Having been the single mom who wasn’t receiving a dime in support for my kids I can attest to the fact that receiving financial help is definitely preferable to not receiving it. Nonetheless, financial aid alone does not a parent make. Nor does it make us co-parents.

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Again, getting child support does not negate the fact that you do not have a partner helping you. What the hell is it about people getting their panties in a wad about someone calling herself a single mom? Next thing you know they’re going to be crying you’re not a single mom if you’ve got any kind of support system around to help you. Nope, if you’re a single mom then you have no one and no financial help. You also need to sew the kids’ clothes by hand, wash them down by the river by smashing them between rocks, grow their food, milk the cows, and slaughter the chickens yourself. Otherwise, you’re not a single mom.

Also, can we please stop with the whole, “Keeping him from them,”? While I’m sure some women do try to play keep away that is definitely not a factor in my situation. He has voluntarily walked away. I have never kept his children from him. He has made that decision all on his own.

 

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I don’t know why this one, or a variation of it, makes the rounds so often. Yes, I chose to have kids with him. I chose to have kids with a man who said family was very important to him. I chose to have kids with a man who I thought would always be faithful and loyal. I had kids with a man who I thought would always support his children, both physically and emotionally. I didn’t have kids with some guy who had ditched three or four other kids. I didn’t have kids with a man who had repeatedly cheated on his previous wives. I thought I had a good one. Unfortunately, he proved himself to be a lying coward who was more than willing to abandon his children for a new piece of ass.

I suppose we could argue that his actions throughout our marriage proved he wasn’t exactly Father of the Year material, but he also hadn’t completely abandoned them. He had his good moments, as I’ve always admitted. He’s not a bad dad because we divorced. He’s a bad dad because of his behavior since he was caught cheating on me. And yes, that is legit!

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Oh please! How very convenient for self-serving men who don’t want to part with any of their money.

We all know that children are free! There are no costs associated with them, and if there are any then you should be willing to shoulder that all by yourself. Forever. Because Big Daddy has a whore to entertain and new kids to impress. Be a dear and don’t ask for anything.

Real women go to court and get everything they’re entitled to by law. Real women don’t listen to their sniveling, conniving ex’s when they try to modify child support on their own. Real women don’t play that stupid game.

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I know I’ve said this at least twice already, but I will say it again. I know there are women out there who abuse child support. I know there are women out there who don’t provide for their kids even when Dad is paying support. I also know this is the kind of shit CF likes to promote about me.

Here’s the dirty truth. I do live support check to support check. Kids are expensive! But here’s the other thing: I have never asked CF for a dime beyond what he is court ordered to pay. When book fees come up for Picasso ($200 this year; $165 last year) I pay them. Rock Star still has a $4000 tuition bill. Guess who’s paying that? Guess who paid for her books? Guess who is paying her sorority dues? That’s another $1000+ this school year. Guess who pays for Picasso’s cello lesson and takes him to get whatever it is that he might need?

He can bitch and whine all he wants but I am still taking care of his kids.

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Fuck you! In my case, I can afford to get my hair done because of the SPOUSAL support I receive. And here’s the thing that most people don’t want to acknowledge. Once that money goes into my account- spousal, child, paycheck- it’s all mine. I can do with it what I want. But see above.

I’m getting child support for one child. Right now I’m getting less than what I’m supposed to because the ex thinks he has a law degree. I’m still supporting two children. I’ve got tuition, books, and sorority fees for my daughter. There are countless other things that come up. I use MY money- whether it’s paycheck, spousal support, or child support, to pay for those things. In addition to paying her car insurance and phone bill.

Picasso recently went to Ramen Con and I gave him spending money. They both get allowances so that they have some spending money. He takes cello lessons. This past May and June I bought him a new bed and replaced his phone that he had washed in the washing machine.

Neither of my kids is going without.

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Well yes, thankfully it is. When I do the math my alimony check is almost 3 times what I make at my job. Then again, I spent twenty years being a dutiful corporate wife. I moved around the country for him. I took care of the kids and the house. I was a full time chauffeur to them and their extracurriculars, and I made sure they had a variety of trips and outings.  I volunteered and was heavily involved in my kids’ schools. I never complained. So yeah, I look at it as severance pay.

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Oh, lookie there! Severance pay for greedy bitches! Boy, they sure do hate to pay out that alimony although they love fucking around.

To be fair I know there are men out there paying alimony to cheating wives, and wives who wanted the divorce but still wanted the lifestyle provided by their husband. That sucks. There is no way of getting around that. When I rip on these memes I’m ripping on CF because I know this is the kind of shit he would say. He’s already said it.

Actually, let me amend my statement. I don’t look at it as severance pay. I look at it as hazardous pay. I earned every fucking dime and he would be in no position to even pay me alimony if not for the sacrifices I made. He can suck it.

8 thoughts on “Another Round of Bullshit To Be Refuted

  1. My youngest qualified as a plumber 5 years after his dad left. He doesn’t make much while he’s employed by someone else and until he can afford the tools to go out on his own (expensive tools). His dad wrote me not so long ago saying he was “concerned” about J making so little in comparison to his brother. So why the hell don’t you put your hand in your f….ing wallet and send him some money then? I guess he never thought of that. Well he never thought of anything except his dick and the booze when he left, despite the fact I had both kids at home and one still in school. Child support? What’s that? Father of the year – right!

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  2. So relatable – it’s like you’ve been spying in my brain! The baby momma stuff, the step parent bs, all of it. I look at the same thing on Pinterest. I had to open a new account so my ex-hole and his whore – and their army of elves – could not look through and use as “evidence” of my impure thoughts or accuse me of plotting against them based upon my pins (true story)
    Some of these memes are unbelievable. Like you, I put in more than twenty years into his corporate ladder climb (moves and all, foreign countries included) so no, it’s not alimony or child support, it’s back pay for everything I did and the sacrifices the kids and I made to make it all possible for him to earn that title and the big paycheck that goes with it. When I met him he still lived at home with his mother, sleeping in his childhood twin sized bed, while she cooked, cleaned and did his laundry and he worked in a small family owned firm of 12 people in the suburbs. He was not a corporate cowboy taking the world by storm.
    I earned every fucking dime, for over twenty years of loyal service, no doubt in my mind. But sometimes I do have to remind myself of that fact because, like these memes, this is what people really think. People judge immediately, and think they know the entire story that ends with a selfish bitch of an ex-wife wanting more than she “deserves”, when they really don’t know the half of it. I was a single mother while I was married, main point of contact, face of our family in the community and in charge of keeping the wheels moving forward for everyone and everything while he was checked out most of the time and living his life on his terms. Being divorced didn’t change my job description or my duties, but it did increase my pay grade.
    Kudos to you single momma, and all of the single mothers out there. Chin up and push forward. We got this.

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  3. These are all awful and all written by a man pissed off because he couldn’t just cheat and leave without taking care of his obligations or a woman who was never married or can’t receive child support because their “baby daddy” disappeared.
    I am a single mom who receives child and spousal support because I take care of my children 90% of the time. I am single and I am a mom, put them together and I am a single mom. Bam!

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  4. Oh and I forgot about the step parent shit! Know your role! “Step” parent – a step down by the officially parent (and no I’m not referring to the few good ones out there who stepped in when a dead beat parent disappeared and they took over as one of the only parents). You are on the bottom step and I am at the top. You are always below me because these are my children. So crazy!

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  5. I step parented my Ex’s child for 12 years. I didn’t refer to her as a “step” child as I did since I didn’t want her to feel less important than my son. However, I made sure her mother knew that I knew my job was to act as a back up and a help to her, the child’s actual mom. That she was The Mom. (capital letters intentional) Decisions about things affecting her daughter were up to her (and my ex – not that he ever got involved) I stuck to her decisions are rules – whether I fully agreed with them or not, because they were HER choices to make for HER child. When HER daughter asked if she could call me mom – I told her that was a conversation to have with her mom. I told both of them I was fine with them choosing any “name” for me that was reasonably respectful. I wont answer to “hey you” or a curse word but beyond that I was open to what ever they chose. My step daughter started out calling me mama Tina and gradually that dropped into mom. I didn’t stop her from doing that but I did check in with her mom and make sure she was ok with it. My step daughter’s mom and I made really good co parents for our shared daughter. (Her mom is an amazing woman and did truly share her daughter with me) We did much better than my ex and I do for our son.

    Since the divorce however, I am not allowed to see “my” daughter anymore. Not because of her mother, but because my ex is a narcissistic asshole who demands that his kid take sides, And you are 100% right Sam, step parents have ZERO rights or recourse after a divorce, no matter how much time love and attention they have poured into the child. Losing her is the only element of my divorce that can still make me cry. I hope I wasn’t ever offensive to my daughter’s real ,mom. I tried very hard not to be. But step parenting isn’t quite as easy as being the cool auntie Sam. Trust me I’ve done both roles. Cool auntie is WAAAAAY easier.

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