Rock Star and I were having a conversation the last time I was with her. I forget how it came up; I must have told her once again I was sorry her high school experience was what it was, instead of what it should have been, and that she graduated here instead of in Virginia with all her friends.
She told me for the first time that she didn’t care where she graduated. It didn’t matter to her. Then she went on to say that in the end it all worked out for the best.
She is ecstatic with college living. She loves her college. She loves her sorority; she loves her “Big” and her “G-Big.” As she wisely pointed out to me, if she had graduated in Virginia she never would have ended up where she did. She really wouldn’t have. An out of state college in Indiana never would have been on her radar. She wouldn’t have pledged her sorority. She wouldn’t have met the people she has. Right now she can’t imagine life without them.
I have worried endlessly about both of my kids since moving them once again back in July of 2016. I’ve worried more about Rock Star because the move seemed to be so much more traumatic for her, and because Picasso seemed to adjust so well. My beautiful, outgoing, funny daughter went from being a super star to being nothing. She lost gymnastics for good. She lost great friends once again because of her dad’s selfish choices. She was a month away from driving solo when it was snatched away from her. She spent most of her last two years seemingly miserable and anxious. Friends coming over or even hanging out with friends was a distant memory.
It seems, however, the worry was for naught. All the pieces are finally falling into place. I’m not sure I can go so far as to say everything happened for a reason. There were a lot of things that really sucked. There were a lot of tears, disappointment, sadness, and loss. I don’t think CF needed to firebomb our lives, and yet…. if he hadn’t I don’t think we’d be here.
Yes, Rock Star would have continued on her life as a pampered daughter who wouldn’t have to do without. She would have got her license at 16 and 3 months, been given a car, and thought she had life by the tail. She would have continued on at her high school having an amazing high school experience. By virtue of being her younger brother Picasso would have had an easy transition into high school. Plus, he had already begun developing a close knit group of friends on his own. Neither kid would have wanted for anything. They would both still have a mom at home for them, available 24/7.
Rock Star would have gone to a different college and maybe she would have loved it there as much as she loves her current school. Maybe she would have pledged a different sorority there and loved those girls. I don’t know.
What I do know is that she’s happy now. Where she is. Not just happy. She’s beaming. She feels like she’s found her tribe, her place.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to listen to “Best Day Of My Life” or “On Top Of the World” without feeling a twinge of regret, or a faint whiff of, “What if…?” Fortunately, I can take comfort in knowing it eventually had a happy ending.