I meant to write about this shortly after it happened but I was probably tired and stuff came up. Then I wrote other stuff, like I Miss Financial Security. And I wrote about my birthday and giving Picasso driving lessons. Fun stuff. Uplifting stuff. So I kind of put off writing about this.
I finally emailed CF on the 1st of February and reminded him that he was overdue in paying the money he was ordered to pay for court fees. It’s not a small amount. I gave him an extra month before asking and then asked him to pay it within the next two weeks. I used his real name and everything. Plus, I was civil and business-like. Not snotty and horrible, or threatening. And, I signed it!
The response I got in return was: I have received your email. There is no source of funding with which to pay you the money from.
No acknowledgement of my name. No signing his name. Just cold, hard facts. I don’t have it. End of story.
Interesting. I didn’t realize court orders worked that way.
Also, it’s: There is no source of funding with which to pay you the money. The “from” is redundant.
Maybe a few hours later I get another email: Sam, I don’t know what else to tell you on your request. You already are getting 62% of my check. Garnishment carries a maximum of 50%.
If you wish to pursue garnishing my check that is your prerogative but it will cut the amount you are getting to approximately $xxxx total.
If you wish to put me in jail, well then, you can garnish 50% of $0.00 per month.
I don’t know any other options.
On the amount of child support, I replied to your attorney well over a month ago requesting information and have yet to hear back from her.
My, how his tune changed once he realized I was following through on my threat to garnish him if he couldn’t stick to a schedule. He could damn well call me by name when he got word the state was going to garnish him, couldn’t he? By golly he was downright chatty!
At first I thought he didn’t realize I was garnishing for the monthly payments, but since he mentioned how much I was getting each month I suppose he did. I love how he thought that if they didn’t garnish enough he was done paying me. That’s not how this works. He has no clue how any of this works.
I was a little nervous because now he knew I was planning on garnishing him. Would he still pay until they started taking it automatically?
February payments are due. I get the first half of alimony on the 15th. He’s cutting it a little close, considering there are only 28 days in the month. I get his self modified child support on the 25th.
February 28th comes and goes with no additional payment. March 1st, a Friday, comes and goes with no payment. I got home from work and was greeted with a surprise party. My mom, my daughter, and the mobster were all here from out of town. CF is the last thing I want to think about.
I finally text him on March 7th, telling him that we’re already a week into March and he hasn’t fulfilled his February obligations. I go on to tell him that I need to pay Rock Star’s tuition so please get this done.
I’m fully prepared for him to call me a greedy bitch, or make some other snotty comment towards me. I’m prepared and I’ve got my response ready.
I am actively seeking employment to secure a source of income from which to pay from.
Fuck me! Are you goddamn serious? When exactly were you going to tell me this? Must you speak as though you’re filing a fucking legal brief? Why can’t you just say, “I lost my job and don’t have the money to pay you,”? And again- the “from” is redundant.
He goes on to say: How do you still owe tuition in March? That should have been done already for the semester. In addition, did you fill out the FAFSA wrong? Because at your income level there should not be any tuition to pay after Pell grants and other federal subsidies.
Did I fill the FAFSA out correctly? Are you kidding me? Hey, thanks for stepping up and being a parent finally! Second guess the one that’s here and actively involved while you’re off playing house with your whore cousin and her kids.
I’ll go have a talk with the financial aid office at Rock Star’s college. Apparently, if you need aid they are obligated to give you aid. Again, that’s not how this shit works! Not to mention my “income” will now show as higher than it actually is because they’re basing it on fucking child and spousal support that I’m not getting!
I let him know I paid her tuition monthly and that yes, I did fill the FAFSA out correctly. I then asked point blank, “Did you lose your job again?”
Probably not the nicest question but I didn’t give a damn.
He told me he was downsized due to lack of business at the plant, and when I asked how on earth they downsize the production manager he told me the GM absorbs the responsibility. He went on to tell me that the quality manager and the HR manager had already been “downsized”.
I recommended he place a call to his former company, the one he left so he could go fuck a whore. He replied that he had already placed a call to them and then followed that up with, “Thank you for your input.”
“You’re welcome,” I told him.
So…. that’s what’s going on in my life. Not even a week into my 50s and my life has taken a turn for the worst.
I’m trying really hard not to hyperventilate, cry hysterically, or lose my shit. It’s not easy.
Three weeks ago I was feeling the pressure with all these mounting bills and that was when I was receiving child and spousal support. I’ve now lost 75% of my income. I’m stuck paying $200 a paycheck for shitty insurance which I was court ordered to get because I was getting credit for it on my child support order. Of course, with this child support modification I’m getting credit for a whole $45 a paycheck but that’s a whole other story.
I have no idea how I’m going to pay for college for her next year. When I finally told both kids what had happened she cried. She’s afraid she’s going to have to drop out and that she’ll have to drop her sorority.
Oh, and look at that! Once again I’m the one left breaking disastrous news to the kids. Sure, CF, I’ll handle it. You just go play house with a whore. I’ll take care of the tough stuff. Fucking sonofabitch.
She’s finally happy once again. I cannot let this happen to her. She feels like every time she finally gets to a point of happiness in her life that her dad comes along and ruins it. She tries so hard to do everything she possibly can and then he shits all over it.
It’s like he can’t stop fucking with our lives. He insisted he would go crazy if we stayed in Utah so I moved both of my kids to Virginia to make him happy. I tore their lives apart. I destroyed her dream of being a college gymnast, or at the very least, becoming a Level 10 gymnast. And once I helped him destroy that dream she rebuilt her life and was happy in her new school with her new friends and her new life. Only he bulldozed that, too; we were forced to leave everything behind. We left our home, left the state, and moved 600 miles away. She spent two years being mostly miserable. She was in a bad relationship because he paid attention to her and made her feel wanted. Now she’s finally happy and he wants to destroy it AGAIN! Can I please just get my daughter through fucking college? Picasso has recently announced he doesn’t think he wants to go to college so she really is the only child I need to get through school.
The mobster keeps saying he thinks that the two of us combined could live quite nicely but he lives 10.5 hours away. His daughter didn’t get the financial aid package she was expecting (hey, maybe they filled out the FAFSA wrong!) so it’s quite possible she’ll go to the local campus which means he will be staying put for another year. At least. Not to mention, he’s got a guaranteed good job down there right now. I can’t up and move because my daughter is in college here; if I can’t afford in-state college tuition how the hell could I ever pay out of state tuition? In addition, my son is two years away from graduating. So even if he’s right we can’t do anything about it.
I am familiar with the idea that some money is just too expensive. I’m beginning to think that’s true in my situation. I would love nothing more than to be able to tell him to go fuck himself. That I don’t need his money and I’m living just fine without it. Maybe the mobster is correct and we really could make a go of it on what the two of us make together. I told him once that I wouldn’t even consider giving it up until both of my kids were through college and I had money for their weddings, because I knew their dad wouldn’t help and it would be up to me. That was a bare minimum. I do not want to rely on him to provide for my kids. They are my responsibility; not his. He has his own kids to worry about.
If I were to give it up because it’s just too fucking expensive to live like this then that means I paid out almost $40,000 to get spousal and child support for a little over a year. What a waste. I’m damned if I don’t and damned if I do. I’ve either paid out huge amounts of money to hold him accountable and then walked away from it, or I live life like this for the next 15 years- always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This is probably a good time to mention one more time to those starting out in life: Don’t EVER quit your job to be a stay at home mom.
Obviously I’m going to have to find a different job. That’s the only way to get out from under this stupid insurance. Plus I need to make a whole hell of a lot more money. I’ll never make up the money he’s paying me but I’m hoping I can at least do better than poverty.
Also obvious is the fact that I’m going to have to get a second job. Hooray! 50 years old and working two jobs. Back to 6 days a week and 13 plus hour days. I can hardly wait. Especially when CF sits around on his ass, watching ESPN and the History Channel all goddamn day and fucking his whore cousin every night. He couldn’t possibly work two jobs. Or even one if it doesn’t pay him oodles of money!
This is such a clusterfuck. I’ve already talked to my lawyer. Everything is a crap shoot. If he really did get downsized there’s a possibility he could get support modified, which is not good for me. For how long, I don’t know. I also don’t know if I would then have to take him back when he got a new job.
We could take him back to court for contempt but we have to prove he willfully did not pay the legal fees. She doesn’t think that should be too difficult but you never know. The judge doesn’t seem to be too terribly sympathetic to him. Plus, he hasn’t paid a dime towards those legal fees in over a year. I think that’s pretty willful. There’s always the possibility he’s already spent whatever was left in his 401k so regardless of what the judge rules it may simply not be there. I’d like to believe he’s smarter than that but he certainly hasn’t demonstrated good common sense since Harley came along.
My attorney did tell me to contact the Child Support Enforcement Agency because they should be able to do something with that 401k and it wouldn’t cost me anything to get it enforced, unlike going through her. Something about they could compel him to use those funds to pay his support obligations.
Plus, there’s still the matter of the child support arrears. He owes anywhere from $2000-$8000, depending on whether or not he can get the judge to modify it back to June. It’s going to be even more by the time he finds another job. But at this point in time what does it matter how much he owes? He could owe me a million dollars. It doesn’t mean I’ll get it.
The whole reason I dropped the damn matter was because the state was going to go after him for the full amount. I didn’t make a deal with him; I told my lawyer to leave it be. I thought I finally had him by the balls and he was going to have to go get it modified. For once in this whole divorce debacle he was going to have to take charge and do something on his own. I owe another $600-$1000 just for that little incident and I still don’t have a modification in place. Nor do I have an order for legal fees. I probably never will because he’s lost his damn job now! THIS, people, is why I don’t gloat. It’s also probably why I was so willing to try to make a deal with him. Fuck me hard for ever trying to play hardball with him. Because that sonofabitch always wins.
I’m trying very hard not to panic. I have been listening to the mobster who reminds me that I’m not going through this all by myself. I don’t have to vacate my home or sell off all of my possessions like I did the last time. I don’t have to move again. I already have a job so I’m not worried about trying to find one, unlike last time. It may not pay well but it does cover my bills and I’m not simply watching my account drain down to nothing.
Maybe I’m far too optimistic, or simply burying my head in the sand, but CF does not like being poor. I also don’t think Harley wants to support him for another 10 months either. Remember, in the beginning of all of this he was handing over $5000 a month to her. She must have thought she had hit the lottery. If there is a bright spot to all of this it’s that. Her sugar daddy is running out of sugar.
If he’s telling the truth he’s not going through an alcohol treatment program this time which means he won’t be spending months in treatment before finally beginning his job search. The fact that he’s even reaching out to his former company is a good sign as well. I don’t know if he’s burned those bridges or not, but he’s at least willing to look outside of Kentucky this time around. Perhaps my lawyer is correct and he really does not want to appear before the judge again.
Another thought occurred to me. If he did get downsized at the very least he should be able to apply for unemployment. Now, he’s probably thinking, “Hell yeah! I may only be getting 80% of my pay but I’m not paying any support so I’m actually bringing home more money!” I, on the other hand, am thinking, “I’m willing to cut you a deal while you’re unemployed.” I could possibly even agree to not go after arrears during this period of time if he would send half of whatever he’s getting in unemployment. I won’t be too hasty in forgiving debts because the man still owes me a ton of money. It’s at least a thought to keep me and my kids from spiraling once again back into poverty.
Sweet J also mentioned the possibility that he received a severance package. Perhaps.
And, if the state has already started garnishment proceedings (and I know they have based upon his email) then it’s possible the state could intercept his tax refund and give it me. That, of course, depends upon whether or not he (they) filed before the state could do anything. It also depends upon him actually getting a refund, but with him being able to deduct spousal support I don’t see how he would end up paying.
I am not even sure when he lost his job. Like I said, he paid me on the 15th and the 25th. He gave Rock Star $50 on February 28th, I believe. I don’t know if he lost his job shortly after that happened or if he was already out of a job. His normal MO is to completely disregard his obligation to me or to his kids so I would be surprised if he gave her money after losing his job.
This really sucks. I had an amazing week and an amazing birthday, only to have it all followed by this clusterfuck. I’m trying to keep in mind something that I saw recently.
I’m pretty sure this goes beyond a mere “bad day” but I’m trying to stay positive and calm. Hey, at least I’m not losing absolutely everything once again. I’ll be back to working two jobs soon enough but I don’t have to sell off all my possessions and move in with my mom again. Because I’m already here. Thank God I never bought a fucking house. That’s about all I can say at this point.
I take that back. I’ve got one more thing I want to say. Does anybody else notice how his life has been one disaster after another since he took up with Harley? He job hopped when we were married but it was always to get more money. He was fired once while we were married. Supposedly a personality conflict between him and the GM. Since he’s taken up with Harley he’s left his secure job of 15 years to take a job that pays him less. He’s been fired once for drinking. Took another job that paid way less than what he had been making and has now been “downsized” due to lack of business. Awesome!
One of my best friends told me soon after D-Day and after I had started divorce proceedings that I had kept him sane for 20 years. At my party last weekend I reminded her of that and told her she had been absolutely correct.
I am keeping my head high and telling myself that this is all going to work out. In fact, maybe it’s the kick in the pants I need to get a better job. Maybe it’s the first step in no longer being so reliant upon him and his support checks. Worst case scenario after he finally gets another job he ends up going back to court and his support is reduced because I’m making more. That’s less I have to make up for, right? And less I have to pay in taxes because I’m actually paying taxes on the majority of my income. It sucks to let him get away with that but in the end I’m free of him and he’s stuck with himself.
Don’t worry; I’ll be okay.