CF Strikes Again

I meant to write about this shortly after it happened but I was probably tired and stuff came up. Then I wrote other stuff, like I Miss Financial Security. And I wrote about my birthday and giving Picasso driving lessons. Fun stuff. Uplifting stuff. So I kind of put off writing about this.

I finally emailed CF on the 1st of February and reminded him that he was overdue in paying the money he was ordered to pay for court fees. It’s not a small amount. I gave him an extra month before asking and then asked him to pay it within the next two weeks. I used his real name and everything. Plus, I was civil and business-like. Not snotty and horrible, or threatening. And, I signed it!

The response I got in return was: I have received your email. There is no source of funding with which to pay you the money from.

No acknowledgement of my name. No signing his name. Just cold, hard facts. I don’t have it. End of story.

Interesting. I didn’t realize court orders worked that way.

Also, it’s: There is no source of funding with which to pay you the money. The “from” is redundant.

Maybe a few hours later I get another email: Sam, I don’t know what else to tell you on your request. You already are getting 62% of my check. Garnishment carries a maximum of 50%.

If you wish to pursue garnishing my check that is your prerogative but it will cut the amount you are getting to approximately $xxxx total.

If you wish to put me in jail, well then, you can garnish 50% of $0.00 per month.

I don’t know any other options.

On the amount of child support, I replied to your attorney well over a month ago requesting information and have yet to hear back from her.

My, how his tune changed once he realized I was following through on my threat to garnish him if he couldn’t stick to a schedule. He could damn well call me by name when he got word the state was going to garnish him, couldn’t he? By golly he was downright chatty!

At first I thought he didn’t realize I was garnishing for the monthly payments, but since he mentioned how much I was getting each month I suppose he did. I love how he thought that if they didn’t garnish enough he was done paying me. That’s not how this works. He has no clue how any of this works.

I was a little nervous because now he knew I was planning on garnishing him. Would he still pay until they started taking it automatically?

February payments are due. I get the first half of alimony on the 15th. He’s cutting it a little close, considering there are only 28 days in the month. I get his self modified child support on the 25th.

February 28th comes and goes with no additional payment. March 1st, a Friday, comes and goes with no payment. I got home from work and was greeted with a surprise party. My mom, my daughter, and the mobster were all here from out of town. CF is the last thing I want to think about.

I finally text him on March 7th, telling him that we’re already a week into March and he hasn’t fulfilled his February obligations. I go on to tell him that I need to pay Rock Star’s tuition so please get this done.

I’m fully prepared for him to call me a greedy bitch, or make some other snotty comment towards me. I’m prepared and I’ve got my response ready.

I am actively seeking employment to secure a source of income from which to pay from.

Fuck me! Are you goddamn serious? When exactly were you going to tell me this? Must you speak as though you’re filing a fucking legal brief? Why can’t you just say, “I lost my job and don’t have the money to pay you,”? And again- the “from” is redundant.

He goes on to say: How do you still owe tuition in March? That should have been done already for the semester. In addition, did you fill out the FAFSA wrong? Because at your income level there should not be any tuition to pay after Pell grants and other federal subsidies.

Did I fill the FAFSA out correctly? Are you kidding me? Hey, thanks for stepping up and being a parent finally! Second guess the one that’s here and actively involved while you’re off playing house with your whore cousin and her kids.

I’ll go have a talk with the financial aid office at Rock Star’s college. Apparently, if you need aid they are obligated to give you aid. Again, that’s not how this shit works! Not to mention my “income” will now show as higher than it actually is because they’re basing it on fucking child and spousal support that I’m not getting!

I let him know I paid her tuition monthly and that yes, I did fill the FAFSA out correctly. I then asked point blank, “Did you lose your job again?”

Probably not the nicest question but I didn’t give a damn.

He told me he was downsized due to lack of business at the plant, and when I asked how on earth they downsize the production manager he told me the GM absorbs the responsibility. He went on to tell me that the quality manager and the HR manager had already been “downsized”.

I recommended he place a call to his former company, the one he left so he could go fuck a whore. He replied that he had already placed a call to them and then followed that up with, “Thank you for your input.”

“You’re welcome,” I told him.

So…. that’s what’s going on in my life. Not even a week into my 50s and my life has taken a turn for the worst.

I’m trying really hard not to hyperventilate, cry hysterically, or lose my shit. It’s not easy.

Three weeks ago I was feeling the pressure with all these mounting bills and that was when I was receiving child and spousal support. I’ve now lost 75% of my income. I’m stuck paying $200 a paycheck for shitty insurance which I was court ordered to get because I was getting credit for it on my child support order. Of course, with this child support modification I’m getting credit for a whole $45 a paycheck but that’s a whole other story.

I have no idea how I’m going to pay for college for her next year.  When I finally told both kids what had happened she cried. She’s afraid she’s going to have to drop out and that she’ll have to drop her sorority.

Oh, and look at that! Once again I’m the one left breaking disastrous news to the kids. Sure, CF, I’ll handle it. You just go play house with a whore. I’ll take care of the tough stuff. Fucking sonofabitch.

She’s finally happy once again. I cannot let this happen to her. She feels like every time she finally gets to a point of happiness in her life that her dad comes along and ruins it. She tries so hard to do everything she possibly can and then he shits all over it.

It’s like he can’t stop fucking with our lives. He insisted he would go crazy if we stayed in Utah so I moved both of my kids to Virginia to make him happy. I tore their lives apart. I destroyed her dream of being a college gymnast, or at the very least, becoming a Level 10 gymnast. And once I helped him destroy that dream she rebuilt her life and was happy in her new school with her new friends and her new life. Only he bulldozed that, too; we were forced to leave everything behind. We left our home, left the state, and moved 600 miles away. She spent two years being mostly miserable. She was in a bad relationship because he paid attention to her and made her feel wanted. Now she’s finally happy and he wants to destroy it AGAIN! Can I please just get my daughter through fucking college? Picasso has recently announced he doesn’t think he wants to go to college so she really is the only child I need to get through school.

The mobster keeps saying he thinks that the two of us combined could live quite nicely but he lives 10.5 hours away. His daughter didn’t get the financial aid package she was expecting (hey, maybe they filled out the FAFSA wrong!) so it’s quite possible she’ll go to the local campus which means he will be staying put for another year. At least. Not to mention, he’s got a guaranteed good job down there right now. I can’t up and move because my daughter is in college here; if I can’t afford in-state college tuition how the hell could I ever pay out of state tuition?  In addition, my son is two years away from graduating. So even if he’s right we can’t do anything about it.

I am familiar with the idea that some money is just too expensive. I’m beginning to think that’s true in my situation. I would love nothing more than to be able to tell him to go fuck himself. That I don’t need his money and I’m living just fine without it. Maybe the mobster is correct and we really could make a go of it on what the two of us make together. I told him once that I wouldn’t even consider giving it up until both of my kids were through college and I had money for their weddings, because I knew their dad wouldn’t help and it would be up to me. That was a bare minimum. I do not want to rely on him to provide for my kids. They are my responsibility; not his. He has his own kids to worry about.

If I were to give it up because it’s just too fucking expensive to live like this then that means I paid out almost $40,000 to get spousal and child support for a little over a year. What a waste. I’m damned if I don’t and damned if I do. I’ve either paid out huge amounts of money to hold him accountable and then walked away from it, or I live life like this for the next 15 years- always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This is probably a good time to mention one more time to those starting out in life: Don’t EVER quit your job to be a stay at home mom.

Obviously I’m going to have to find a different job. That’s the only way to get out from under this stupid insurance. Plus I need to make a whole hell of a lot more money. I’ll never make up the money he’s paying me but I’m hoping I can at least do better than poverty.

Also obvious is the fact that I’m going to have to get a second job. Hooray! 50 years old and working two jobs. Back to 6 days a week and 13 plus hour days. I can hardly wait. Especially when CF sits around on his ass, watching ESPN and the History Channel all goddamn day and fucking his whore cousin every night. He couldn’t possibly work two jobs. Or even one if it doesn’t pay him oodles of money!

This is such a clusterfuck. I’ve already talked to my lawyer. Everything is a crap shoot. If he really did get downsized there’s a possibility he could get support modified, which is not good for me. For how long, I don’t know. I also don’t know if I would then have to take him back when he got a new job.

We could take him back to court for contempt but we have to prove he willfully did not pay the legal fees. She doesn’t think that should be too difficult but you never know. The judge doesn’t seem to be too terribly sympathetic to him. Plus, he hasn’t paid a dime towards those legal fees in over a year. I think that’s pretty willful. There’s always the possibility he’s already spent whatever was left in his 401k so regardless of what the judge rules it may simply not be there. I’d like to believe he’s smarter than that but he certainly hasn’t demonstrated good common sense since Harley came along.

My attorney did tell me to contact the Child Support Enforcement Agency because they should be able to do something with that 401k and it wouldn’t cost me anything to get it enforced, unlike going through her. Something about they could compel him to use those funds to pay his support obligations.

Plus, there’s still the matter of the child support arrears. He owes anywhere from $2000-$8000, depending on whether or not he can get the judge to modify it back to June. It’s going to be even more by the time he finds another job. But at this point in time what does it matter how much he owes? He could owe me a million dollars. It doesn’t mean I’ll get it.

The whole reason I dropped the damn matter was because the state was going to go after him for the full amount. I didn’t make a deal with him; I told my lawyer to leave it be. I thought I finally had him by the balls and he was going to have to go get it modified. For once in this whole divorce debacle he was going to have to take charge and do something on his own. I owe another $600-$1000 just for that little incident and I still don’t have a modification in place. Nor do I have an order for legal fees. I probably never will because he’s lost his damn job now! THIS, people, is why I don’t gloat. It’s also probably why I was so willing to try to make a deal with him. Fuck me hard for ever trying to play hardball with him. Because that sonofabitch always wins.

I’m trying very hard not to panic. I have been listening to the mobster who reminds me that I’m not going through this all by myself. I don’t have to vacate my home or sell off all of my possessions like I did the last time. I don’t have to move again. I already have a job so I’m not worried about trying to find one, unlike last time. It may not pay well but it does cover my bills and I’m not simply watching my account drain down to nothing.

Maybe I’m far too optimistic, or simply burying my head in the sand, but CF does not like being poor. I also don’t think Harley wants to support him for another 10 months either. Remember, in the beginning of all of this he was handing over $5000 a month to her. She must have thought she had hit the lottery. If there is a bright spot to all of this it’s that. Her sugar daddy is running out of sugar.

If he’s telling the truth he’s not going through an alcohol treatment program this time which means he won’t be spending months in treatment before finally beginning his job search. The fact that he’s even reaching out to his former company is a good sign as well. I don’t know if he’s burned those bridges or not, but he’s at least willing to look outside of Kentucky this time around. Perhaps my lawyer is correct and he really does not want to appear before the judge again.

Another thought occurred to me. If he did get downsized at the very least he should be able to apply for unemployment. Now, he’s probably thinking, “Hell yeah! I may only be getting 80% of my pay but I’m not paying any support so I’m actually bringing home more money!” I, on the other hand, am thinking, “I’m willing to cut you a deal while you’re unemployed.” I could possibly even agree to not go after arrears during this period of time if he would send half of whatever he’s getting in unemployment. I won’t be too hasty in forgiving debts because the man still owes me a ton of money. It’s at least a thought to keep me and my kids from spiraling once again back into poverty.

Sweet J also mentioned the possibility that he received a severance package. Perhaps.

And, if the state has already started garnishment proceedings (and I know they have based upon his email) then it’s possible the state could intercept his tax refund and give it me. That, of course, depends upon whether or not he (they) filed before the state could do anything. It also depends upon him actually getting a refund, but with him being able to deduct spousal support I don’t see how he would end up paying.

I am not even sure when he lost his job. Like I said, he paid me on the 15th and the 25th. He gave Rock Star $50 on February 28th, I believe. I don’t know if he lost his job shortly after that happened or if he was already out of a job. His normal MO is to completely disregard his obligation to me or to his kids so I would be surprised if he gave her money after losing his job.

This really sucks. I had an amazing week and an amazing birthday, only to have it all followed by this clusterfuck. I’m trying to keep in mind something that I saw recently.

Never let a bad dayI’m pretty sure this goes beyond a mere “bad day” but I’m trying to stay positive and calm. Hey, at least I’m not losing absolutely everything once again. I’ll be back to working two jobs soon enough but I don’t have to sell off all my possessions and move in with my mom again. Because I’m already here. Thank God I never bought a fucking house. That’s about all I can say at this point.

I take that back. I’ve got one more thing I want to say. Does anybody else notice how his life has been one disaster after another since he took up with Harley? He job hopped when we were married but it was always to get more money. He was fired once while we were married. Supposedly a personality conflict between him and the GM. Since he’s taken up with Harley he’s left his secure job of 15 years to take a job that pays him less. He’s been fired once for drinking. Took another job that paid way less than what he had been making and has now been “downsized” due to lack of business. Awesome!

One of my best friends told me soon after D-Day and after I had started divorce proceedings that I had kept him sane for 20 years. At my party last weekend I reminded her of that and told her she had been absolutely correct.

I am keeping my head high and telling myself that this is all going to work out. In fact, maybe it’s the kick in the pants I need to get a better job. Maybe it’s the first step in no longer being so reliant upon him and his support checks. Worst case scenario after he finally gets another job he ends up going back to court and his support is reduced because I’m making more. That’s less I have to make up for, right? And less I have to pay in taxes because I’m actually paying taxes on the majority of my income. It sucks to let him get away with that but in the end I’m free of him and he’s stuck with himself.

Don’t worry; I’ll be okay.

 

21 thoughts on “CF Strikes Again

  1. What a POS! Unfortunately he is the gift that keeps giving Only bad news of course. Do not give up, keep his feet to the fire. Get proof of how he lost this last job if he really lost it. Remember you can tell he is lying because his lips are moving.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. CF doesn’t understand that, since you live with your mother, household income includes whatever she gets as well. Right? That’s less, right off the top.

    Your best bet is to put your garnishment request in with your county CSE office because he’s in arrears. THEY will take care of the legalities without any more attorney’s fees, wherever he is. THEY can garnish his wages forever… so he can pay up or be on the hook until he’s dead. My aunt purposely keeps the garnishment alive against her ex-husband, for their two children. Those “kids” are now 31 and 33… and every time he gets a job ANYWHERE, he is garnished. She doesn’t need the money anymore- she and her husband make half a million a year, at least. But he deserves to live a shit life, never being able to keep “his” wages, so long as he owes his children’s mother $130K for raising children he abandoned while she was a waitress. She went from that to a nursing student>nurse>NP>Hospital Director. Her kids went to college on loans. One got a bachelor’s, started working, and paid off his loans in a few years. The other achieved the same degree with the same loans, didn’t want to work, went off to get her master’s, and will be paying off those loans until she’s dead, probably. She has no concerns about paying them off… she pays the minimum and gets bailed out by field grants here and there.

    Which brings me to the next point. Your kids can go to college without you paying tuition. They CAN, absolutely. It’s not what you imagined for them but it’s reality… and they’ve both done SO well, dealing with reality so far. They can have student loans or scale back expectations and work while going to school. It’s not embarrassing. It’s not their fault or your fault. Their father is an asshole and left them high and dry. Have Rockstar speak to her professors about the situation – they LOVE to help out students who are passionate – and ask if there are any grant opportunities and who they should speak with directly about more financial assistance due to these new circumstances. Professors have lists and resources for getting money to students who need it… scholarships and grants that need to be given out to students in their fields. Student loans aren’t great but used wisely and paid responsibly, they can be a great tool. Let your kids decide how they want to proceed.

    It may very well be that they go to community college or a state school where they can live at home. Maybe they’ll readjust their goals and go for the private sector, where the balance is forgiven after 10 years. But they’re becoming adults now and these are common problems for people to resolve. They’ll be okay. They have a GREAT mother and a supportive family to encourage *them* to achieve *their* goals. They can do it!

    And CousinFucker will pay up or be garnished until the day he dies. For sure!

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    1. Also, Child Support Enforcement will take every tax refund he has, every year, until it’s paid off.

      If you take him to small claims court for the legal fees, you can get his wages garnished after a judgement, through the sheriff’s office in whatever county he works in… when he’s working again. Just send them the order of judgement and they’ll contact his employer’s HR directly, every.single.time his SS# pops up on anyone’s payroll anywhere in the county.

      Here in NY, they take arrears very seriously. My father once was arrested for it and negotiated weekend jail, so he could keep making money. Every Friday at 5pm – so long as there were arrears – he had to present himself to the county jail and spend the weekend there. Heh. It didn’t last very long. Amazingly, we COULD actually “squeeze blood from a stone.” LOL – it’s amazing how quickly he found the money after his first weekend in jail.

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      1. I certainly hope they take arrears very seriously in Indiana. You never know. On one hand you hear all these stories about the extremes they go to, and then on the other hand you hear nothing can be done. I’m still waiting to hear from my caseworker. Naturally, she’s out on vacation until tomorrow. Story of my freaking life.

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    2. I got my degree with TAP & Pell Grants and student loans. My kids are using the grant and loan road to get their degrees as well. We qualified for next to nothing with FAFSA , I feel like I should have been paid ten thousand dollars for just filling out that hellacious paperwork.
      You might have to grind through this year but if you get the loan process going for next year she should be set.
      My kids were told that once they were through college we would help paying down loans but they would be expected to help after getting jobs. Although the engineer probably will be done before the PR /Mrketing major. Lol.
      CF is useless, garnishment until the grave is the way to go. Even if you win the lottery, he’ll have that hanging over his head until he dies. For the life of me, I can’t imagine a fate worse than your own kids feeling utter contempt for you-yet that seems fine for him. What a shame. On my deathbed I’d hate to think back to what an atrocious human I was and how I did nothing helpful or merciful for my own children. You rock Sam. And you’ll solve this with or without his money. The bill always comes due for fuckery. He seems to already be paying.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. She’s got loans already. She has the subsidized and unsubsidized Stafford loans. The out of pocket tuition/room and board was what we were left with after all of that had been calculated in. Sadly, I can’t co-sign on another loan for her. I tried last summer and she was denied because my credit sucks. That’s what happens when you’re a stay-at-home mom for 15 years and your ex quits his job of 15 years and ends up getting fired from his new job and you can no longer pay the bills that are in both of your names.

        Honestly, I don’t feel like I’m rocking much right now. All I can see is that if he doesn’t get a new job soon I’m going to be living in poverty for the rest of my life. The measures I’m trying to take right now will mean maybe an additional $500-$600 a month. Yes, I get to eat, but that’s about it. Not exactly the way I want to spend the rest of my life.

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      1. Be careful with the forgiveness by working public sector loans – I think they’re reworking the program to make it more restrictive. So if anyone is using this or plans to – keep on top what Washington is doing in regards to it.

        Liked by 1 person

    3. Fortunately, my mom’s income isn’t factored into it. I’m not her dependent and she’s not considered to be mine. I’m still gobsmacked that he thinks just because you may qualify for and need student aid that you will get every penny you need!

      Thanks for the idea of talking to her professors. I don’t know that she’s especially close to any of them. She’s only been there a semester so far. She did say she’s applying for 2 scholarships through her sorority. Fingers crossed that she gets them because I honestly don’t think she will rebound if she has to leave. I am only now realizing how depressed and anxiety ridden she was the last 2 years. Probably the last 3 but more so these last 2. This is her last chance to be surrounded by friends, to have a social life, to enjoy life. Once she graduates it’s a whole different ballgame.

      I already started the garnishment process. I don’t plan on withdrawing it. I just hope they can help.

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      1. It’s totally okay that she’s new. She should ask every professor, regardless. Most of my close friends are professors… you should see the excitement they emote when a student is struggling and comes to them. It shows the student cares… the student wants to stay and to learn. There are far fewer such students than you’d think, shockingly. Very often, being close to your professors happens *because* of the student reaching out. They WANT to keep students like that. They give good references and letters of recommendation. They keep an ear out for grants or apply for them on their behalf. They nominate them for awards that come with tuition help, grants, and stipends. They think of those students first when it comes to opportunities offered in their fields. They stop by and tell me all about it. Really, it’s so under-utilized.

        You’re doing well, Sam, period. Not even “under the circumstances.” I can hardly fathom that you’ve been able to pay any tuition at all.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “If you are eligible to receive unemployment, your weekly benefit rate in Kentucky will be 1.1923% of your total wages during the base period. You will receive a maximum of $415 each week; the minimum amount is $39. You may receive benefits for a maximum of 26 weeks.
    Collecting Unemployment Benefits in Kentucky | Nolo”

    from a quick google search.

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      1. He doesn’t get off the hook for the amount of his previous support payments UNTIL he petitions the court to have it reduced. When granted, the lowered support amount (if he is allowed that), will be retroactive only to the date he filed to request it be lowered.

        Every week he doesn’t do that means he owes what is agreed under the current order. Let him figure that out. If he intends to wait out the full six months of unemployment, the closer he is to the end of that when he finally realizes it? The better it will be for you in the end. (In NY, minimum CS is $25/mo., whether you’re unemployed entirely or on unemployment. KY may have something similar.) But, he doesn’t get to pay NOTHING and he doesn’t even get to have reduced unless HE petitions to have it reduced.

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      2. That hasn’t been my experience. When he lost his job the first time he never asked for a modification. When we had our show cause hearing in February the judge modified spousal support retroactively back to June. Maybe it was due to the fact that our temporary support order had me paying all the household bills and I no longer could do that. He did keep child support the same. So I don’t take it for granted he’ll have to pay the $1800. The fact I began to get it modified could be held against me.

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      3. This is for child support. (Before, things were played out by lawyers who negotiate and not exclusively in family court.) If Child Support Enforcement is doing it, they’re going to be rigid. Every dollar you get decreases your later needing help from social services.

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  4. I’m so sorry Sam. It’s just one clusterfuck after another with him isn’t it. My ex was the same. Probably still is for all I know. And your friend is right, YOU kept him sane for 20 years. I was the same. Left to his own devices he is probably swirling down the toilet bowl as we speak. Good luck and stay strong.

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    1. It really is. I’m having some really bad days but I keep trying to breathe and keep calm. It’s not easy. I hate being dependent upon him and I dread the idea of going back to work 60 hours a week.

      My brother is working 7 days a week right now. I would think that really sucks. The difference though is he gets overtime. He makes about $800 a day on a Saturday. I work 60 hours a week and it’s so I have an extra $500 or so PER MONTH.

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  5. when I was reading this post, my first thought when I read his statement about his job was that he probly quit it to avoid paying you lol smh – just keep after him even if its through the state atty’s

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