Here I Am

Hello, everyone. Sorry to have left you in the lurch. It’s been a little over two weeks since my life blew up spectacularly once again. I’ve only had one really bad night so I guess I’m doing pretty okay.

Currently, I am taking action where I can. I just fired off an email to CF, letting him know I know he has money coming in so he can start sending some of it my way. I’m probably pissing in the wind with that but at least if I end up back in court I’ll have further proof that he just completely ignored his obligations.

Where is this money coming from, you may be asking? Well, I have nothing concrete. I’m basing it on the fact he was the #2 guy at the plant and therefore should have received a severance package and unemployment benefits. I’m really not expecting a favorable reaction but I’m also not going to sit around and wait six months before I try to haul his ass into court either.

My caseworker with the state was gone the week I tried to contact her. She then forwarded my email onto another caseworker who was pretty prompt although the news wasn’t great. It turns out it could take up to SIX MONTHS for the garnishment to begin. But, they’ll make note that I would like his 401k garnished once that finally happens. That also means if he is receiving unemployment it could take six months before they would finally begin garnishing that as well. Isn’t that just ducky?

So, I emailed my lawyer. Hooray! More legal bills! Of course she was out. I got her new assistant. That was last week. I still haven’t heard anything back from her. I told her I wanted to freeze his 401k once again and that I was willing to take him to court for contempt in order to get the $25,000 he still owes me in legal fees. I’d love to take the free way through the state, but I can’t wait six months. Knowing him he will drain that sucker if it’s not already gone.

I’ve also applied for another job within the bank. This is one of the few jobs where a college degree is required. I applied last week and haven’t heard anything yet. I don’t remember how much time elapsed between me applying for my current job, and hearing they wanted to interview me. I should have kept better notes.

Additionally, I applied for a job outside of the bank. I haven’t heard back from them either.

I adjusted my exemptions so hopefully my check will stretch a little bit more with this next pay period. It won’t be substantial, but I’m running on fumes so even an additional $40-$60 would be nice.

Finally, I have an appointment with my mom’s financial guy. I hate to do it but I will probably end up taking a hardship withdrawal from my 401k. Hell, I may have to take a withdrawal, period, if CF doesn’t get back to work soon. I’m hoping I can do the hardship withdrawal. But if not… regular ol’ 10% penalty withdrawal will have to do. If I take this withdrawal I can pay everything off and I’ll end up with about $900 more per month. It will be tight but it will be doable and I won’t have to work a second job. I still could choose to but it wouldn’t be necessary.

Of course, that’s assuming Rock Star gets the financial aid she needs and that she’s able to work 40-60 hours a week this summer so she has enough money to break her housing contract, buy books, buy the stuff she’ll need for nursing school, have spending money, and pay her sorority dues. Ah, the wonderful life we live thanks to her dickhead father.

I’m doing what I can. A whole hell of a lot is falling by the wayside. I feel like an utter failure as a parent. I’ve already had to cancel Picasso’s cello lessons and now it looks like pretty much everything having to do with school is going to fall on Rock Star for the time being. This is not what I wanted for my kids. Sadly, right now I am merely treading water and trying to keep from drowning.

Well that just sounds sad, doesn’t it? I’m really doing mostly okay. Probably because I’m in denial and I keep thinking he’s going to get another job sooner rather than later. The mobster has been very good about keeping my spirits afloat as well. In fact, he just paid for me to come down and celebrate T’s 18th birthday with them this past weekend. It was desperately needed. For one weekend I could forget about everything else.

Nonetheless, it is a fact that I’ve failed my kids miserably. Their father has as well but he doesn’t seem to give a shit. I, on the other hand, care a great deal about my failings. I made a huge mistake in choosing to stay at home with them. I should have been out working so that when this day came I was prepared to take care of them financially. I have to believe even working mediocre jobs would have resulted in me making more than I’m making now. And if I had never considered being a stay at home parent I wouldn’t have been satisfied working the jobs I worked because I would have been concentrating on building a career. Perhaps one day I will be financially stable without relying on CF but by then it will be too late for my kids.

Anyway, aside from the cloud of failure that covers me as a parent I really am doing okay. I will survive. CF will never defeat me and this time around I am going to be a constant thorn in his side.

I’m not waiting months and months before I have my attorney file for show cause. That cousin fucking sonofabitch can get a damn job at McDonald’s for all I care. He can be like me and work two damn jobs until he finds something that pays well. He needs to pay something towards his kids. As my mom pointed out, he admitted in court that he had headhunters calling him so he damn well can get a fucking job. She can pull up roots and move her ass across the country if the only place he can find work is Montana. Let her kids suffer some consequences because of those two dopes for once. Or better yet, she can hand her kids over to their dad and she can ride off into the sunset with her Prince Charming.

I’m going to hold him accountable for the legal fees and let him explain to the judge where the rest of his 401k went to if he no longer has any money left (my mom wholeheartedly believes he took out the money as a down payment on the house they’ve been renting). If he’s still got the money then damn straight I’m going to insist I get my legally ordered money. I don’t care if it leaves him with no 401k. He is no longer my problem.

I’m going to let the state of Indiana deal with garnishing him and following him around, taking away various privileges as he falls farther and farther behind. If he goes to jail, oh well- it’s not like he’s paying me anything right now anyway. Hopefully he’ll get some of that awesome weekend jail. He can work during the week and then report to his local detention center for a little weekend R&R until he’s caught up.

I will not stop. I am Sam; hear me roar!

11 thoughts on “Here I Am

  1. I’m no expert but I don’t see you as failing at anything. You get pushed down – you get up. You still have fight in you despite enough to wear anyone down to a nub. Failure is giving up – CF is a failure as a father, he gave up and ghosted. Their “sane” parent (you, obviously) scrambles back in the ring at the sound of the bell for the next round. Give yourself some credit Sam, you deserve it.

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  2. Excellent plan and GOOD FOR YOU, setting aside the pain for those moments when you just need to haul ass and get shit DONE, then taking care to still enjoy what you can. You’re killin’ it.

    And yes, weekend jail. If that starts, you can start a new segment on the blog! CousinFucker Fridays: Big Daddy is Back in the Big House! You can regale us with what he might be thinking, as he gets patted down and thrown into his cell every weekend.

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  3. Have you tried Alice’s Kids? They may be able to help one or more of your kids, particularly if they write in with one or two requests and why they’re asking.

    It’s a Virginia 501c3 that has gotten some well-deserved good press in The Washington Post recently.

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  4. As someone whose parents told me from diapers- ‘your education is on your dime, we want to help but it’s unlikely to happen’ can I say… your kids will turn out better able to deal with real life for having to work and save and balance and pay- for themselves. I’m really sorry about cello, that sucks. But the college thing? Everyone I know who didn’t have parental help doesn’t resent their parents for it. They recognize the strengths it gave them earlier than their peers. Don’t beat yourself about this. It wasn’t your plan and you’re… you’re doing your best. Many hugs

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    1. See, my kids were told from the very beginning that college would be paid for. Had we stayed together I’d write a check for the entire amount and I wouldn’t blink. And it wouldn’t be a hardship. But he fucked that up.

      It’s hard to prepare when you’ve only got 2 years of high school left when your dad abandons you and puts all his money and efforts into his new family. Add on the fact you think (pray) you’re going to end up with some good financial aid due to your mother’s poverty and your good grades only to find out you still need to come up with a substantial amount of money (for someone who makes less than $14/hour).

      I’m not even sure she can make enough over the summer. Even if she worked 40 hours regularly and never spent a single dime. I guess we’ll have to see what kind of financial aid she gets from the FAFSA. Other people say she can just work while in school but I know she’s already stressed out and has said if she has to work on top of that she’d probably flunk out.

      I went that route myself and sometimes it sucked. It was hard to strike a good balance between having a social life and working. I don’t feel like I was any better prepared or that I valued my education any more than my friends who didn’t have to pay for books, or were sent money and/or care packages every month so they didn’t have to work, or who just plain didn’t have to work during the school year.

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