I am a rule follower. Some of my friends tease me about that. If a sign says, “No one admitted beyond this point,” I don’t go beyond that point. If they say, “No food or drink,” I don’t bring any food or drink. It’s not that I don’t have a rebellious streak. It’s simply that I always get caught so I figure it’s easier to just follow the damn rules.
I remember one time in college a friend was talking about scamming the people at food court. He bought a chicken sandwich and told the cashier it was a hamburger, which was cheaper. Well, yours truly tried that a day or so later, and I got caught. Somehow the cashier knew it was chicken and not beef. Lesson learned. I follow the rules.
Back in January when I found out the state of Indiana would go after CF for the full $1800/month in arrears (so really $900 for each month he had “self-modified”) I debated making him an offer instead of going after the full amount. I felt bad letting the state go after him for the additional $900 when I felt like I was really only entitled to the additional $200 or so. But I didn’t. I figured I would let the chips fall where they may. Sucks to be him and all that. It was his responsibility to get it modified after all.
I should have made him a damn offer because it’s all coming back to bite me in the ass, just like I feared it would. I even said I don’t gloat because it never works out for me.
The caseworker contacted me last week. After talking to her supervisor she said it might be possible that Kentucky would enforce the spousal support order but there were no guarantees. She also said that more than likely the judge in Kentucky would use his current salary instead of the higher wages imputed by the Virginia judge. It was possible the judge would impute, but not guaranteed. She didn’t sound like it would even be likely.
End result? The rule follower is going to get fucked up the ass once again and the goddamn cousin fucking piece of shit gets to do whatever the fuck he wants to do with no consequences.
I told the caseworker I was withdrawing my case. I am NOT going to go through the hassle of getting him imputed so that I can actually save that asshole money! I didn’t seek a fucking modification for his benefit. According to the support calculator he will end up paying me $200 less than what he is voluntarily paying me now with his self-modified support. It’s about $400 less than what he is supposed to be paying.
In the end, if I go along with the caseworker I will actually owe him about $1400, or two month’s worth of child support. I am not assured of getting spousal support, which is 75% of what he owes me. And I am not even guaranteed arrears for the months he refused to get the order modified.
Now I’m back to relying on my lawyer to get this damn thing done. More than likely he will refuse to sign the new papers because he doesn’t have a job, as far as I know.
I will continue to be at his mercy for the next fifteen years. He gets to continue to pay spousal support whenever he wants. He gets to continue to pay child support whenever he wants and he gets to cut it off whenever he wants as well. Once again that fucking asshole gets to calculate child support down to the fucking half hour when his son graduates.
I was going to conclude this rant with questions of why couldn’t I have been a widow, but that wouldn’t have been nice. It would have been true, but it wouldn’t have been nice. Instead I’m going to once again tell myself that I have choices. None of them are palatable but I have choices. I merely have to be content letting him get away with murder. And that pisses me the fuck off!
Seriously. He cuts child support in half, refuses to get it modified, tells me if I want it I’m going to have to force him and pay for it, and in the end, he gets away with all of it.
My lawyer will take probably another six months to get anything before him. I’ve already lost money yet again because I’ve had two raises (small raises- less than $1/hour combined) since the last time she calculated the child support. He’s lost his job, supposedly not due to his own incompetence, which makes things a little tricky. Plus, I can’t really hold him in contempt because he is doing as I asked and paying something, even if not the entire amount.
It’s not like the last time where he just said, “I lost my job. I won’t be sending you anymore money.” He’s paying his self-modified child support. He’s even sending additional money for spousal support.
The state of Indiana, who was supposed to hand his ass to him, is basically going to be cutting him a huge break because they’re turning it over to Kentucky. Kentucky will more than likely say, “Oh, you poor thing. The mean old judge in Virginia imputed you. We’re going to only count what you actually make. You shouldn’t be forced to get a comparable job to support your kids. True love and fucking your cousin is so much more important!” And that’s with the supposition that they will use his former salary and not use $0 since he’s no longer got a damn job!
So I’m back to my lawyer in Virginia, taking forever while she charges me $300/hour to do so.
Of course, I could always say, “Fine. Pay me whatever you deem acceptable, Cousinfucker.” Then I’m only out the original amount of money I paid my attorney to get this shit modified. Is approximately $185 more per month really worth it? Hell, at this point it could be even less. It undoubtedly is.
Then he wins. I hate it when he wins. I feel like this entire time he’s been winning. I know; I know. My kids love me. I’m the real winner. But that only means something if he lost something he actually cared about. He doesn’t care about his kids. He wouldn’t have done what he did if he cared about his kids. He doesn’t value the same types of things that normal people do. So, he’s won.
He won the entire time leading up to our temporary support orders. Blew through more than $30k and never had to account for a penny. At least not a penny I saw. It all got wrapped up in the settlement. Speaking of which, he won in the settlement. After being told that since the money I took and used to support us was spent on the household I wouldn’t have to account for it, I had to account for it. He took on 60% of the marital debt which he never plans on actually paying, but it sure did cut him a break on what he had to pay out. He won after the divorce as well. He has absolutely no responsibilities as far as our kids go. He still is able to make good money. His lifestyle hasn’t changed a bit. He lives in his own home. He’s remarried. He’s got two replacement kids.
I, on the other hand, live with my mom. I have all the responsibilities of our kids. My lifestyle has changed dramatically. I will never be allowed to remarry unless I would like to be completely dependent upon another man because I make shit money and cannot support myself without the child and spousal support he’s ordered to pay me.
It’s times like these I have to tell myself to let it all go. It is what it is. No use in tilting against windmills, right? That in itself is a giant shit sandwich I am forced to swallow. People like them never suffer the consequences.
Me? I deal with the consequences every single day. I’d love to know when it will finally be my turn.