It is way overdue to lighten this up a bit. As you all may know I recently turned 50. I’m also dating the most fantastic man on the planet! My mobster. What to call him though when speaking to others?
Boyfriend and girlfriend at our ages sounds kind of ridiculous. I had boyfriends when I was in my teens and twenties. I started dating again in my 40s. I need something better than boyfriend.
The number one new option seems to be partner. I’m not a fan of that one either. It seems very clinical. Also, what kind of partner? Are we starting a law firm, playing tennis, or having some hot and heavy sex?
Significant other is another one that seems to be popular. Again, not a fan. I think it’s pretentious. Plus, it’s way too many syllables. Six for significant other to two for boyfriend.
I’ve heard of other half, or better half, but that makes me think of co-dependence. He’s my other half? Really? Like, I cannot survive without him? Sorry. I managed 47 years without him. I’d hate to be without him now, but I can definitely manage. He is not my other half. I am a fully functioning, independent person without him. Plus, once again it’s a super saccharine term- my other half. Why don’t I just call him my fucking jigsaw puzzle while I’m at it?
Better half isn’t any better. Why better half? What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you making improvements? What makes that person so much better than you? Are you content with that? Are you going to rest on your laurels and continue to let them be the better person while you roll around in your own filth?
Others I found that were absolutely, positively not going to make the cut were: boo and bae. I’m trying to find something a little more grown up than boyfriend, not take a step backwards. Boo or bae makes me sound like a teenager.
Also offered up was my old man. Now that’s old school. I’ve always hated that. I’m equally opposed to the old lady, the ball and chain, the old ball and chain, and my man. Coming in a close second would be hubby (God, I can’t stand that, not to mention we’re not married).
The mister and my guy don’t offend me but it’s nothing I want to call him.
Similarly I do not wish to be referred to as wifey or the missus (again, not married) although I don’t mind my lady or my girl. Strange, huh?
Beau was offered up and I do like that one, although it would be a bit strange to use that these days. I might try it though. “This is my beau, the mobster.” I think it suits me. And him. Beau makes the short list.
My love was another offering. While I do refer to him as my love I don’t generally use that when I’m speaking to others. “Hello, I’m Sam. This is my love, Mobster.” It’s more of a, “I’m going to visit my love,” or “I can’t wait to see my love,” kind of usage.
Another suggestion was man friend, or woman friend. I guess that’s for those who feel boy and girl are a bit too demeaning. I don’t see the difference honestly. Plus, it’s just weird. “This is my man friend, Mobster.”
Merriam-Webster offers up these words related to boyfriend- fellow, swain, admirer, crush, steady, gallant, suitor, wooer, beloved, darling, dear, favorite, flame, honey, love, lover, soul mate, spark, sparker, squeeze, sweetie, sweetheart, sweetie pie, valentine, fancy man, gigolo, date, and escort.
I don’t know what the hell a swain is, for starters. Most of those are words I might use as a pet name for him but nothing I would use for an introduction. “This is my flame, Mobster.” Nah. And I’ve been told he would be mortified if I introduced him to others as my lover. Which really makes me want to do it, FYI.
Fellow brings back bad memories of the ex and her explanation of where she was when she had disappeared for a weekend. “I was with a fellow.” You’re married, bitch!
For a person who didn’t believe in soul mates I feel like he is my soul mate but I still wouldn’t introduce him as such. It would probably make people vomit. “Let me introduce you to my soul mate! Where is he? Honey? Darling? Sweetheart? Where are you?”
Escort and gigolo make me think of paid dates, and not someone I’m in love with or have a relationship with.
I do like fancy man but again, it’s not one of those terms that rolls off the tongue. “This is my fancy man, Mobster.” I will put that on the short list, along with beau, but I don’t think I’ll be calling him that.
Your Dictionary offers up a few new ones: companion, gentleman friend, inamorato, gentleman caller, paramour, true love, and main man.
I’m 50, not 80. I envision an 80 year old woman calling her new conquest her gentleman friend or gentleman caller. Not for me.
I have no idea what inamorato is.
Main man makes it seem like I’m dating multiple men and I’m not. If I were he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. He’d be “that one guy I’m dating.”
Paramour is what the Virginia courts call the mistress, so that’s out.
Companion makes it sound like he’s my seeing eye dog.
True love, and beloved (not listed, but thought of by me) are lovely terms but again, are more pet names or terms of affection than anything I would actually use to introduce him or refer to him as.
The mobster came up with infinity partner. He really likes that one. I think it’s beautiful but too many syllables and I think people would make fun of us.
I have a term I like although the mobster is not fond of it. I was coming up with naughty terms, like my favorite hide the salami partner. He was not a fan of that one! Hell, I told you he was not a fan of lover. This other one was a hard no!
His oldest son though came up with an amazing term at C’s wedding. At one point he made the comment, “He should be taking her to Pound Town right about now.” I died laughing when I heard that. I have frequently teased him since October with that term, asking him if he’s going to take me to Pound Town. Then I heard it again while watching “Lucifer”.
I mention that because while Pound Town is a destination if you will, I tweaked it a bit and offered up my favorite Pound Town tour guide as an option. I got another big fat no. I’m still keeping it on the list, though.
His ex seems to be fond of sleepover friend. I’m going to give that one a hard pass.
Seems to me I’ve narrowed it down to beau, fancy man, infinity partner, or my favorite Pound Town tour guide. Guess which one is my favorite? I’ll give you a hint…