Today is August 10th.
As I’ve said before I work at a bank. I have to know what day it is all the time. I’ve got holds to place. Forms to fill out. Service requests to fulfill. These all require dates.
So, I knew when August rolled around. “Oh wow! I can’t believe it’s August already!” I got a little hung up on the 7th, 8th, and 9th. Kept mixing them up. Never sure if I was a day behind or a day ahead. Not a good thing to admit. But I have a calendar- a huge calendar- on my desk so it worked out okay. Then today, the 10th, rolls around. I’m not at work; I’m home, checking out Facebook while I cook breakfast. More specifically I’m looking back at my memories on Facebook.
The most recent memory? This little ditty: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. Oh crap! Today is D-Day #2, the D-Day that ended my marriage and completely changed the trajectory of my life. Our lives really, because that jackass deeply affected my children as well.
Another momentous occasion that I have forgotten. Had I not checked my memories on Facebook I doubt I would have made the connection.
It’s strange though because only six days ago I came across the memory of our pool finally being filled. There was a picture of Rock Star and Picasso shivering in the cold water, so happy our pool was finally finished. A few days later came the picture of the deck jets working. I’m quite familiar with that timeline and how my enjoyment was so short lived.
Yet, somehow this date completely slipped my mind. Sitting here typing this I feel nothing. I’m not happy. I’m not sad. I still feel like I haven’t made proper progress in four years but that has nothing to do with him.
Hey, come to think of it I forgot my three year anniversary of moving from Virginia to Indiana, as well. Wow- I’m losing it.
Or maybe the significance of all of those dates are simply losing their power over me. They don’t really mean anything anymore. I’d rather concentrate on dates like August 15th, which is the date my son begins his junior year. Or, August 13th which is the date Rock Star has to return for her sophomore year. Or May 23rd and 24th, which are the two anniversary days of the mobster coming into my life.
So fuck you, horrible anti-versary dates. You mean nothing to me anymore. I barely even recognize you. Four years ago today my life fell apart. I had no idea what was going to happen to me and to my children. Today, I am with the love of my life, my kids are doing well despite whatever hurdles are thrown our way, I have a job no matter how little it pays, and I no longer have to worry about a fuckwit and his whore. Tonight I am going out dancing with two of my friends from high school. We’re listening to a band that someone we know plays in. I’m going to have a few drinks, maybe enjoy some appetizers, and dance the night away. Even if I don’t dance I’ll be with friends. Maybe I’ll mention the date’s former significance to them. Maybe I won’t. It’s possible that between now and then I’ll have forgotten about it once again.
Are We Still Having Spaghetti For Dinner? 
You know you know I know you know this post made me smile from deep in my heart! Oh Sam, that’s right! You haven’t forgotten once, twice (hey, three times a lady😂😂- I love knowing you got my lame joke). You know why this keeps on not happening? Because you needed to know it wasn’t a fluke, that something within you is shifting, that you are being freed. Who could have believed 3 years ago you could forget?if someone had said you would it would have been hard to believe…and yet here you are. Forgetting to remember. That take revelation, that knowledge, and hold it in your hands. Look at it and acknowledge your gratefulness for life’s cycles and seasons. Nothing ever stays the same, things change, but oh when WE change it is so much sweeter!
I have to say, I marvel that you look back at memories every morning- I had to give up years ago, even my memories are filtered because I’m so dedicated to look at the good in my life and not what isn’t anymore (I can see a pic and by the look in my eyes tell if it was before or after). Seeing old photos is an instant bittersweetness. I grew up watching Dirty Harry and his motto has become one of mine too: “Man’s got to know his limitations”- as a water sign I gotta keep my emotions in check. Hell, since the accident if I cry I have 2 days of headaches and ain’t nobody got time for that👹😆. SweetSam, every day we are healing in ways we didn’t think we could, and we’re getting stronger. There’s a Cuban saying we tell others when they’re going through a hard time: “There’s no ailment or situation that lasts a hundred years, nor body that can withstand it”. Somewhere along the way they will change or WE will change. What a beautiful thought that has been for me through the years! May you keep it in your heart also. LALALALALALA Have fun tonight!XO
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My kids say a lot of funny things and I like seeing the pictures of them throughout the years. Some days those memories are bittersweet, like the ones from the summer of 2015. But usually they are good and I can look back on them fondly.
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10th of August is two years since my final DDay, too, Sam. The day I sat down with him to tell him I knew I had healed enough, loved him completely, to be with him forever. It had been a huge battle healing from his affair with Leanne. Massive. To be told I’ve Met Someone Else. Translation? I’ve been chatting to an older widow from a dating app, for three weeks. And I’m gonna sell us up and move to her town. Oh, and I’ve been doing this for two years, several dating apps, many women.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
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I didn’t realize it was your final D-Day as well, Paula. I’m sorry. Hopefully there will come a time soon when you forget that date as well.
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It won’t ever be forgotten, Sam. But the meaning of it is already changing. I was always gonna fly, it’s just taken a while to dry (the tears from) my wings x
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