Me and Michael Myers

I hate scary movies so I’m not sure how it is that I once watched “Halloween”. Furthermore, I’m not sure how it came to be that I went to see “Halloween 2” in the theater.

OK, I do know the answer to that one. It involved a boy and a big group date. I’ve forgotten a lot of the details over the years but I do remember it began, somehow, with one of them prank calling me every morning. One day I was running late. The prankster called as usual and I had no time for him and his nonsense. “I’m running late today. I don’t have time for this. You want to call me back later?” That sure shocked him. But he agreed to call me later. We talked over a period of weeks. This was back in sixth grade, by the way.

I don’t remember how he got my number. I don’t think he was even the one I ultimately liked and agreed to go the movies with. But eventually a group of us met up. I have no idea where any of them are today and I don’t care at all.

Shortly after watching “Halloween 2” I locked myself out of the house. I had to crawl in through the basement window. It was very dark down there. Plus, I had to pass by the furnace room. It housed the furnace and the water heater and the doorway was covered only by a cheap curtain that hung on an equally cheap curtain rod. It was dark in that room and it seemed to go on forever. Every time I passed by that room, I steeled myself against what I knew I was going to see. I was positive that Jason and Michael and Freddie all hung out in that endlessly dark room, waiting for me to pass by.

Look, I am 50 years old and I still cannot flush the toilet in the middle of the night for fear of waking Michael Myers.

Funny story about that furnace room… One evening I was passing by it on my way to my bedroom, which was located in the basement. I was thinking to myself, “It looks like there’s somebody standing back there.” As I got closer to my room, my then boyfriend stepped out of that fucking dark furnace room. He had somehow snuck into the house and was waiting for me. How I did not scream bloody murder is beyond me.

I have not seen the new “Halloween” movie. I didn’t see the earlier sequels either. I have no plans to, but I did have some questions.

Like, where does he get his shoes? At one point I wondered how it was he always had something to change into. And it’s always a jumpsuit, which is hideous. But then I read he gets his hideous jumpsuit off the poor soul he kills. Yet, what are the chances the person he kills wears the same size shoe?

Plus, there’s always been this strange dichotomy to his murder sprees. I know from reading about Ted Bundy that generally there are two types of killers- organized or disorganized.

An organized killer, as the name implies, is organized. They’re prepared. They plan it. They have a contingency plan. It’s well thought out. A disorganized killer, on the other hand, kind of wings it. They might not have actually planned to kill someone but the opportunity arises. They haven’t thought it out. They have no plan.

Ted Bundy was usually a very organized killer. When he was busy kidnapping, murdering, and disposing of women out in Utah and Washington he was very methodical. Towards the end of his crime spree he became a much more disorganized killer. The attacks at the sorority house and the murder of his last victim were all extremely disorganized.

Michael Myers is a lot like that. On one hand, he grabs a hammer or a knife and whacks or stabs someone randomly. Very disorganized. No planning. He’s like a shark hunting for prey. Then other times he really thinks it through. Like when he waits for you in the backseat of your car. Or when he pretends to be a ghost and impales your boyfriend before strangling you. Or, like in the latest installment, when he patiently waits for you to discover him in the closet.

Why am I even writing about this, you are probably asking. I will tell you why. Because I scared the shit out of my son the other night. I had knocked on his door and let him know that dinner was ready. I’m sure he thought I had left to go back to the kitchen. Originally that was my plan. As I stood there, right up against his door, waiting silently for him to open the door and see me standing there, I thought to myself, “Is this how Michael felt when he waited patiently in that closet for someone to find him?”

Sure enough- I scared him. He yanked open his door, ready to come grab a plate, and I was right there. He was not expecting that. He let out a yelp and I believe the words, “Jesus Christ!” were uttered as he sank to his knees. “Why would you do that?” he asked me.

“To scare you!” I replied. Duh.

Rest assured, hugs were exchanged, I finally stopped laughing, and all was forgiven.

6 thoughts on “Me and Michael Myers

  1. Wouldn’t it stand to reason if Michael Myers killed a mechanic (at least that’s where he got the jumpsuit in the latest remake) whose jumpsuit fit him that there’s a good chance the shoes would also be the right size, give or take? What I really wonder is why they keep transferring him between facilities. There’s always an accident after he overpowers the driver. Just let him stay at the state hospital for the criminally insane, jeesh!

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    1. No, it would not! Although those jumpsuits are hideous and not very flattering for the figure. A lot of women wear a size 7 1/2 shoe but they don’t all wear the same pant size. Maybe the shoes are too tight and that’s why he’s such a murderous lunatic.

      I do agree with not transporting him. To be fair, though, in the original movie they didn’t transfer him; he released himself on his own recognizance and stole the nurse’s car. With the most recent movie they’ve basically erased all the other movies so this is only the first time, according to the new timeline, they’ve transferred him. It turned out very badly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can appreciate wanting to retcon the whole thing back to the original one, especially the last 2-3 of the original series and the Rob Zombie films. I would have liked to see the new one begin after part 4, which was the sleeper masterpiece of the entire series…and where he was again transported.

        I’m still trying to work out the shoe dilemma. I hate to think you’ve found the one hole in the movie.

        Liked by 1 person

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