Hallmark, You’re Disappointing Me

Maybe “The Northern Lights of Christmas” was so damn fantastic that nothing else can live up to the hype of the Hallmark movie season. I’ve been watching the Christmas movies and I’m sad to say not a whole lot has kept my attention. I was watching one the other day, something about a town called Evergreen. I was liking that but I was also doing other things so I didn’t give it my full attention. Most of them are just falling flat.

What has really raised my ire, though, is the movie, “A December Bride”. The basic story is this: A woman is invited to her cousin’s wedding, only her cousin is marrying her ex-fiance. She gets a date to the wedding (the guy who introduced her ex-fiance and her cousin) by happenstance and because of a few mishaps they pretend to be engaged. That sounds delightful, doesn’t it?

The main character, Layla, lost her mother years prior so her aunt, her mother’s sister, has stepped into the role of surrogate mom. Oh, plot twist. The aunt is also the mother of the fiance stealing cousin.

There’s a line in the movie where she tells someone, “Because I’m family I’m expected to be at this wedding.”

I had to argue with the TV at that point.

No, you don’t. You do not owe it to her to attend her wedding. You do not have to put yourself through that just because it’s family. Anyone who would expect you to do that is a horrible person. Sit this one out. Write on the RSVP, “Are you fucking kidding me?” and then send it back.

Who in the hell writes this bullshit? I’ve gotta go watch my ex-fiance get married. If only he had left me for someone who wasn’t related to me I could be spared this heartache.

At another point in the movie when her aunt is urging her to reconcile with her cousin she mentions that they are family and there is nothing more important than family.

Huh. Where was that tidbit of advice when your daughter was off stealing her cousin’s fiancé? I’m thinking maybe that would have been a more appropriate time to bring out the whole, “Family is the most important thing.”

Aside from the forced forgiveness the other part that really struck me was the family’s push to make her a December bride.

Apparently, Layla’s mother always made Christmas so special and Layla had always wanted to be a December bride. When news of the faux engagement began making the rounds everyone was wondering if she would be getting married in December.

Um, they just announced their engagement. I realize from start to finish my engagement only lasted about 7 months but even still… Most people don’t announce their engagement and then get married a week or two later. The closest thing we have to that is called elopement and that doesn’t include an engagement announcement. It’s a straight up wedding announcement.

Her aunt says, “Oh, I know how you’ve always wanted to be a December bride. There’s not much time left.”

Does she have a terminal illness we’re not aware of? She can still be a December bride; it just won’t be this December.

This is Hallmark. Of course she doesn’t have a terminal illness. And everything works out in the end. She gets the fabulous new job staging houses (which is why they continued their charade of being engaged) and they both realize they are in love. They even got married in December. I guess you can plan a wedding in a couple days time when you’re in a Hallmark movie.

I’m crossing my fingers that this stuff gets better. If not, I suppose I’ll just watch “The Northern Lights of Christmas” every year and call it good.

5 thoughts on “Hallmark, You’re Disappointing Me

  1. Sam, I agree this Christmas maybe they had too many movies and the brand quality suffered. Rachel Boston and Wes Brown were just in one called Check Inn to Christmas. Usually they are both good actors and this would be something worth watching. It was dismal. Zero chemistry, annoying subplots. I had to turn it off. Same thing with Cameron Candace Bure and Christmas Town. Just bad, bad, bad.

    The only two new this year (of I think – 40 across all their channels) that stick out as decent are The Christmas Club and The Mistletoe Secret. Good chemistry, funny “meet-cute”, believable conflict, charming sidekicks/kids/friends, and fun montages. Those elements make these work for me. If they replay A Christmas to Remember, check it out. Mira Sorvino is in it and is very fun, even if the science of Hallmark movie memory loss/amnesia is pure fantasy.

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    1. I went through my list and was excited to see i do have A Christmas to Remember in the queue. I’ll have to give it a watch. I’ve also got both Check Inn to Christmas and Christmas Town recorded.

      I like the Evergreen series. Those are really cute. I’m gearing up to write another review entitled something along the lines of, “I’m Sorry I Doubted You, Hallmark”. I have probably 25 movies recorded and I watch less than 1 a day. I do not have a good track record.

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  2. Your review had me 😂😂 Hell no I wouldn’t have gone to the damn wedding😆 I remember your ID Channel show reviews. That and Oxygen are my main channels. Then Britbox and Acorn. One of my sisters loves Hallmark shows and movies, last year she made me a cranberry/witch hazel astringent for Christmas she learned watching their morning show.

    You could be a movie “real talk” reviewer, you could work at a police department. Sam, you wear many hats quite well.

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  3. DD, I actually watch a ton of Hallmark movies, and not in an ironic way.

    The stress of a marriage failure, caring for sick parents, budgets cuts at work, and expensive college educations leave me depleted at the end of the day. It’s nice to crash on the couch with my sleepy dog and imagine for some that romantic situations work out, neighbors care for each other, children seek out parental advice, and a misunderstanding can be settled without ghosting the other person. Or at least that is this 50 yo man’s take on them.

    Liked by 1 person

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