It’s a Good News/Bad News Kind Of Day

Guess what? I got a phone call AND an email from my lawyer’s legal assistant. They are FINALLY moving ahead on my case.

I also got the skinny on what’s been going on. They’ve had four lawyers who have left family law practice (or maybe the area) so my attorney, and I’m sure other attorneys as well, got swamped with their active cases.

The good news remains that my case is finally going forward. They are going before a judge on the 18th to get a hearing. The last time we had a separate show cause hearing my lawyer went before the judge in November and our hearing wasn’t set until February. I figure we won’t be back in court until March.

I talked to my attorney’s legal assistant. In a roundabout way I know her personally. Her daughter and my daughter were on the same cheerleading and gymnastics teams. She’s already got it in the pleadings that he moved out of state without informing me or the courts. I’m still waiting to hear about whether or not we’ll be asking for the back support or if we’re going to leave that up to Mississippi. Which brings up the bad news part of the day.

My caseworker emailed me back. The last time we had communicated she had said she was waiting on an email or some sort of notice from Mississippi seeing as how the state computer website is still down. I replied that if there was a number I would be more than happy to call and see what was going on with my case.

Good Lord, you would have thought I volunteered to piss in their Cheerios. I was told in no uncertain terms that I should not do that because this was an interstate case and if I called they could dismiss my case. It’s part of the UIFDA guidelines! Oh my! If only I knew what that was.  Apparently it’s a guideline that states you’re not allowed to ask any questions about your own damn case because why on earth would you be concerned about any of that? God forbid you have an interest in your future or your life. Then again, this is the same agency that “can’t tell you” how much your ex-spouse is making because they wouldn’t want you to go into any situation with all the facts.

For those of you not up to date on this saga I was told back in September that I should hear something in 60-90 days. A week or two before what I thought was the 90 day period I asked what exactly I would be hearing and what would happen after that. At that point I was told the state had 60-90 days to review the case, put it into the computer system, and get it to the appropriate county. THEN the county had another 45 days to decide what the fuck they were going to do. What happens after that is anyone’s guess because no one seems to know. And since no one else is being held hostage by Jerry Lee, they really don’t give a fuck. Oh yeah, also the statewide website is down so no one can check up on any progress. Please don’t ask any questions about that, though.

She did let me know that Mississippi received the case on the 26th of September. That’s a little more than 2 weeks after my meeting. She admonished me to remember that they have only had my case for two months. Wow- only two months! How long does it take to get it into the computer and get it to the correct county? Frankly, in this age of electronics I am amazed it takes as long as it does to get this crap done. Only two months? Why not phrase it as, “They’ve had two months!”?

She goes on to inform me that they are not allowed to contact them until Mississippi has had the case for 90 days. She also lets me know she has no timeframe on anything although she presumes a court date will be set within the next 30 days. And she finishes it up with saying she understands that I’m in a rush to get this done but to please give the case additional time.

So, we’re now pushed back to December 26th. At that point the county gets the case. They have an additional 45 days to make a decision. Let’s face it. They always take the full amount of time. Now we’re looking at mid-February. No one knows what happens after the county sets a trial date so maybe we have a trial date set for the end of February. Maybe it won’t be held until April. We don’t know what happens after that either. Is he garnished right away? Does the judge rule right then and there or does he take a month to make his decision? We don’t know. Isn’t it more fun this way?

Maybe I’m an extraordinary employee but when I don’t know the answer to someone’s question I find out. I don’t simply reply, “I don’t know.” If I don’t know I do my best to try to find out. 99% of the time I’m successful. I’m also not dealing with people’s lives. Yet, my caseworker, who cannot give me legal advice, or even tell me what she’s seen in her job apparently, has no problem at all saying, “I don’t know how any of this works,” and not feel one ounce of obligation to actually find out the answer to any of these questions.

I realize I can be a pain in the ass. I fully acknowledge I can be like a dog with a bone. This stuff is scary, though. I’m going into this blind. I’ve been floundering for damn near a year. If you really think about it I’ve been jerked around by Jerry Lee for 2 years now. I never know when I’m going to receive a payment. I don’t know how much it will be. I don’t know if he will suddenly modify it. It’s terrifying. I have no idea what’s going to happen and I have no idea when it’s going to happen. A little bit of understanding would go a long way.

Hallmark, You’re Disappointing Me

Maybe “The Northern Lights of Christmas” was so damn fantastic that nothing else can live up to the hype of the Hallmark movie season. I’ve been watching the Christmas movies and I’m sad to say not a whole lot has kept my attention. I was watching one the other day, something about a town called Evergreen. I was liking that but I was also doing other things so I didn’t give it my full attention. Most of them are just falling flat.

What has really raised my ire, though, is the movie, “A December Bride”. The basic story is this: A woman is invited to her cousin’s wedding, only her cousin is marrying her ex-fiance. She gets a date to the wedding (the guy who introduced her ex-fiance and her cousin) by happenstance and because of a few mishaps they pretend to be engaged. That sounds delightful, doesn’t it?

The main character, Layla, lost her mother years prior so her aunt, her mother’s sister, has stepped into the role of surrogate mom. Oh, plot twist. The aunt is also the mother of the fiance stealing cousin.

There’s a line in the movie where she tells someone, “Because I’m family I’m expected to be at this wedding.”

I had to argue with the TV at that point.

No, you don’t. You do not owe it to her to attend her wedding. You do not have to put yourself through that just because it’s family. Anyone who would expect you to do that is a horrible person. Sit this one out. Write on the RSVP, “Are you fucking kidding me?” and then send it back.

Who in the hell writes this bullshit? I’ve gotta go watch my ex-fiance get married. If only he had left me for someone who wasn’t related to me I could be spared this heartache.

At another point in the movie when her aunt is urging her to reconcile with her cousin she mentions that they are family and there is nothing more important than family.

Huh. Where was that tidbit of advice when your daughter was off stealing her cousin’s fiancé? I’m thinking maybe that would have been a more appropriate time to bring out the whole, “Family is the most important thing.”

Aside from the forced forgiveness the other part that really struck me was the family’s push to make her a December bride.

Apparently, Layla’s mother always made Christmas so special and Layla had always wanted to be a December bride. When news of the faux engagement began making the rounds everyone was wondering if she would be getting married in December.

Um, they just announced their engagement. I realize from start to finish my engagement only lasted about 7 months but even still… Most people don’t announce their engagement and then get married a week or two later. The closest thing we have to that is called elopement and that doesn’t include an engagement announcement. It’s a straight up wedding announcement.

Her aunt says, “Oh, I know how you’ve always wanted to be a December bride. There’s not much time left.”

Does she have a terminal illness we’re not aware of? She can still be a December bride; it just won’t be this December.

This is Hallmark. Of course she doesn’t have a terminal illness. And everything works out in the end. She gets the fabulous new job staging houses (which is why they continued their charade of being engaged) and they both realize they are in love. They even got married in December. I guess you can plan a wedding in a couple days time when you’re in a Hallmark movie.

I’m crossing my fingers that this stuff gets better. If not, I suppose I’ll just watch “The Northern Lights of Christmas” every year and call it good.

I’ve Become a Publicist for Grudges and Bitterness

In yesterday’s post I wondered if maybe the reason forgiveness gets all the love is because it has great PR agents. There are tons of quotes lamenting the hardened hearts of those who refuse to forgive and extolling the virtues of those who forgive others even while those others are spitting in their face. I mean, look at this crap.

 

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That sounds swell but terribly unnecessary. Do you really need to forgive someone in order to move on with your life? I think not!

I’m probably not the best example because I still write about Jerry Lee. In my defense though I do write a blog and he’s always doing something else to try to fuck up my life.

I think I’ve moved on; I also think the things he does pull me back into his orbit. I can’t help that. And saying, “Oh, Jerry Lee, I forgive you for being a lying, cousin fucking sociopath,” isn’t going to make any of those things better. You want me to move on with my life? Tell him to pay his fucking support on time and in full! Tell him to stop neglecting his kids. That would help. Me forgiving his lying ass doesn’t do dick for me.

Maybe let’s try this one instead:

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Then there’s this one.

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Again with this setting you free bullshit. Hey, if it makes you feel better to forgive someone then you have at it. But I don’t think anyone should feel guilted into forgiving someone.

Oh no! I don’t forgive her for cheating on me. I must be a bad person. Oh no! I don’t forgive him for draining our retirement accounts and spending all the money on his mistress. I’m a horrible human being.

No, you’re simply human.

Why not go with this:

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Or better yet:

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Again with the healing and moving on, thanks to forgiveness!

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Who am I to argue with Nelson Mandela? I’m Sam, and I really feel that this is bullshit.

You do not need to forgive someone in order to heal, unless your definition of forgiveness is like Chump Lady’s definition of forgiveness: I no longer wish you dead. I can get behind that one. Still not necessary in order to heal, though, although I suppose you could argue that if you’re still wishing someone was dead you’re probably not healed.

This one is a little longer but expresses the same sentiments:

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Grrrr! Maybe that’s part of the problem. We hold forgiveness in such high esteem that we aren’t thinking about what we’re actually saying.

I forgive you. I don’t agree with what you did or believe it was right, but I forgive you.

How crazy is that? Why are you forgiving them again? Oh yes, because it will help you move on and you will no longer dwell on what was done to you. Isn’t that convenient?

The person who has betrayed you or hurt you experiences no consequences. Let’s wish them well and forgive them.

I don’t think it’s right that you pushed me down the stairs, breaking my arm and collarbone. I don’t agree with you pushing me down the stairs. But I forgive you for pushing me down the stairs. I’m not going to think about you pushing me down the stairs anymore, or about how my body still throbs in pain, or how I break out in a cold sweat every time I’m near the stairs and you at the same time. I’m going to move on with my life. Some might say the way to do that is with a restraining order and charges filed so that your worthless ass is in jail. Others might say the way to get on with my life is to get you out of it. But I know the only way to move on is to forgive you.

Then there’s this gem:

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Oh really? Let’s try this one on for size:

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That’s not really the way I feel, but damn! Not forgiving someone who has wronged you is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of self respect. Oooh! Let’s do that one instead!

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In that same vein we’ve got:

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No, sweetie, that’s stupidity.

That’s a pretty easy re-write.

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At the very least it’s pointless.

Here it is in longer form:

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I’m not even going to bother doing a re-write on this but I would like to point out that one of the major tenants of forgiveness is that the person needs to ask for forgiveness and they need to repent. Forgiving a person who is not sorry is pointless. It defeats the whole purpose of the concept. That person is not sorry! They don’t give a fuck if you’ve forgiven them or not. They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong and they certainly aren’t looking to you to forgive them. That’s just a given.

If you didn’t receive an apology you have nothing to accept. Why even bother with this charade? Stop wasting your time. Find people worthy of you. Be good to those people. You don’t have to go around plotting revenge on those who have hurt you; let them go and forget they exist. No forgiveness necessary.

Then there’s this “wise” advice:

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Tell me more. How exactly am I taking away Jerry Lee’s power when I forgive him? Will that result in him paying the correct amount of child support? Does it mean he begins paying his entire spousal support instead of what he has absurdly calculated? By forgiving him and taking away his power does that mean I’m suddenly going to be working at a job that pays enough to pay my bills and allows me to live on my own and still have some semblance of a life? Will he suddenly remember he has two kids that live here in Indiana? Will anything actually change for the better or does the quote writer just think I’m going to feel so much better once I’ve forgiven him?

The funny thing about this whole forgiveness thing is he whole heartedly believes he is the victim in all of this. Come to think of it I think he would be insulted if I told him I forgave him. There’s nothing to forgive in his mind because I am the enemy and I am the one who wronged him. Maybe someone should tell him that by forgiving me he’s taking away my power.

I think a better way to put that is:

3hyisc

Got time for one more?

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Oh please! Again I will point out that people who are not sorry do not care about your forgiveness. They don’t want it or need it. If you’re willing to extend it they’ll take it. Why? Because it means they get to use you some more.

I get that holding onto anger does nothing to them. Then again, who says that holding onto anger hurts you? Anger can be very useful. It can propel you to act. It can instigate you to look out for your own interests. It can get you out of a bad situation. It can help you refuse to take any more shit. Plus, not forgiving a person doesn’t necessarily mean you’re angry at them. Maybe it just means you’ve learned a very valuable lesson. 

THIS is the PR agent we need to combat all of that forgiveness nonsense.

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A-freakin’-men! I’ll put that one right up there with:

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I’ll throw this one in as a bonus service announcement:

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It is truly amazing how society pushes us to disregard our instincts and instead encourages us to put ourselves in danger.

One more just because I’m a giver:

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I hope you take that to heart. They’re not lying to protect you. They don’t “trickle truth” to protect your feelings. They lie to protect themselves.

Finally, if you really have it in your heart that forgiveness is the way to truth and light then try this one:

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Don’t forgive them for lying to you, cheating on you, betraying you. Forgive yourself for putting up with that behavior. Then resolve not to do that anymore.

Wishing Them Well

I was reading a blog the other day. It was actually Betrayed Wives Club. Elle wrote,

…though it may seem counter-intuitive, being able to extend compassion for others’ dark sides, for those parts of themselves they kept hidden out of shame or fear or lack of awareness, releases the shackles we wear. It frees us to love the flawed person seeking to be better, or to wish them well while choosing to not have them in our lives. Either way, we’re liberated.

That’s a very nice way to look at things but unfortunately, I don’t wish him well. If I’m being honest I try not to think about him at all. But when I do think about him the last thing I’m thinking is, “Gee, I sure hope he’s doing well. I hope he’s being a better husband to her and a better father to her kids than he was to me and our kids.” Nor am I thinking, “Golly, I sure do hope he’s got a great job that he finds fulfilling and that the house he lives in is exactly what he’s always wanted. My prayer for him is a life filled with serenity and riches.”

No. Quite honestly it pisses me off that he’s living it up in his five bedroom house while his kids and I are still seeking refuge in my mother’s home. It pisses me off that our lifestyle has changed significantly since he decided to fuck a whore while his has never wavered. That is probably why I do my best to not think about things like that. Because it is grossly unfair.

Does that mean I’m somehow shackled? Will liberation always be out of my reach until I can hope for good things for him?

I don’t think so. I feel very liberated. I feel very free admitting I don’t wish him well. I don’t spend my evenings plotting revenge but him living a wonderful, blissful life is not my concern, or my wish for him. As long as he keeps sending those support checks I don’t give a shit if his life falls apart. I’m very liberated in acknowledging I don’t give a rat’s ass if people think it’s horrible I’m not invested in his happy future. I will never sympathize with him. I will never justify what he has done, nor will I ever excuse it.

I heard it said once that the only reason forgiveness gets the action it is does is because it’s got better quotes and better publicity. It’s not looked upon as favorably when you preach about not forgiving, or remark that it’s okay to not want great things for the person who betrayed you.

Somebody really needs to get to work on that! Maybe I should give it a shot. Stay tuned…

Tell Me I’m Pun-y

Things have been getting a little bleak around here. It’s time to lighten it up. So here are a few puns to tickle your funny bone.

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I almost peed my pants telling my mom this next one. Probably because I knew when I told her she couldn’t use this word as a password she would ask, quite seriously, “Why not?”

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Yeah, you’re going to have that brain worm all day long.

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Have a great day!

A Numbers Game

It seems apparent Jerry Lee will not be making another payment until he is officially garnished. This is why I’m always nervous when it gets to the end of the month and he hasn’t paid. He does not have a good track record. I thought it might be fun to do a little bit of math today and see how dismal his track record really is.

I could calculate it as one long time period. He’s been court ordered to pay support for 48 months now (I’m going ahead and counting this month; if that bothers you, subtract one from these figures). Out of those 48 months he’s actually paid his support in full for 20 of those months. I’m being generous because I’m still giving him credit for the months he paid his self-modified child support. If you take that away he’s down to 13 months. Wow- a whole thirteen months of paying your court ordered support over a four year period. He’s managed to pay his court mandated support in full almost 25% of the time! Not quite 50% of the time if we give credit for the months he paid his self-modified child support.

2016 was the first year he was under a court order. Back then I was still under the illusion the kids and I could remain in the house. I’d supplement my spousal and child support with whatever job I managed to find. We wouldn’t be living on anywhere close to what we used to have, but hopefully once the bills were split up and I was no longer responsible for 100% of everything we would be okay with less money. Oh, and did I mention I had a nest egg of about $10,000 back then? Yeah, until he started pulling his shit and stopped paying his support.

He paid five months of support in 2016. He paid the first five months. I only received 2 payments via direct deposit. Then he quit his job to run off to Ohio so he could be closer to his whore cousin. After that when I actually got the support check was anyone’s guess. What ended up happening is I would pay the bills from my nest egg and he would essentially pay me back.

I’m not going to count any back support payments. I will fully admit he has eventually paid in full, under the threat of a $10,000 fine levied by the judge. But, finally getting back support isn’t the same as getting what you’re supposed to receive each month.

In 2017 he paid two months out of twelve. After receiving my back support in April for the rest of 2016 and the first month of 2017 he made one full payment of his court modified support. The judge gave him a $3000 reduction in support and he still didn’t pay what he was supposed to.

He paid whatever amount he felt like paying, whenever he felt like paying it between May and November. I had two separate checks stopped and another one that bounced in that small timeframe. The most I ever received until the final judgement was handed down was a little over $2000. He was ordered to pay me $3600.

He also made a full payment in December of that year after he received the judge’s orders. That was the month of the infamous, “You should have a very nice Christmas because I just had to pay your mom a billion kajillion dollars and I will be paying that every month for the rest of my life! Plus, your mom is a whore and she’s doing the exact same thing I did.”

2018 turned out to be a decent year. He actually paid in full. Oh, again he paid whenever he felt like it. April was a bit rocky with him not being paid up until May. There were lots of snide comments and once June hit he slashed child support in half. But I’ll give him credit for the full year. In his mind he was paying all he owed. According to the court order he only accurately paid his support another five months.

I was hopeful that once the judge issued his final order Jerry Lee might stop fucking around. No such luck. I got my full support in January. I haven’t received full spousal support since then. So, he managed one month out of twelve. This has been his worst year ever.

Shall we review? 2016 he paid five months out of twelve. 2017 he paid 2 months out of twelve. 2018 he finally paid all twelve months. Unless you dock him for self-modifying child support, in which case he again paid five months out of twelve. This year he’s paid one month out of twelve and if we’re not giving credit because he hasn’t modified the court order, he’s down to zero months out of twelve.

I am praying and crossing my fingers and lighting candles that the universe takes care of this piece of shit, this sorry excuse for a human being. I so want to stand here in another 6 months or so and tell everyone that he got his ass handed to him once again. I want to be able to say that Mississippi assessed his child support at $1200/month or more. I want to be able to say they assessed his arrears at over $15,000. I want to be able to say our original judge ordered him to liquidate his 401k to pay me the legal fees and fined him on top of it because he was sick of him defying his orders. I want to be able to tell you his bank account got frozen and his tax refund was confiscated and given to me. I want to tell you that his life is spiraling out of control and he’s having to work an additional job or cut back drastically on expenses in order to make it work.

I’m not confident that any of that will happen. He always seems to circumvent justice. A girl can dream though.

Meanwhile, I had completely forgotten that Rock Star needs rent money. She’s got $25 in her account, won’t get paid for another two weeks, and needs money for groceries and gas. So, while I thought I had a nest egg in my primary account of about $1400-$1500, it turns out it’s only for around $900-$1000. On top of that, all the bills I will pay with my most recent paycheck are taken out automatically and they haven’t been deducted yet, so that’s another $350 or so coming out of my account. The cherry on top? She’s got another sorority bill due on December 10th.

Good times, good times. Yep, let’s go bake some Christmas cookies. Happy holidays everyone!

P.S. That motherfucker is not going to break me. I will survive this even if I have to drive out to California and serve his employers at their main office myself. Even if I have to take even more money out of my 401k to survive until they garnish his worthless, pathetic ass. I will not stop fighting for what is mine. If anyone’s going to break it’s going to be him.

And Then It Gets Better

Alas, this is supposed to be a hopeful post. So while you may have bad days and you may wallow in despair, hopefully the sun comes out again.

Today I still hate Jerry Lee. I still have no idea if he’s going to pay the rest of what he owes me. I guess I’ll be down at the plasma center in January after all.

Thankfully, I’ve been smart. Just this month I started putting $200 aside each time he paid me. My goal was to budget on spousal support and my job alone. He’s not paying the full support amount so I’m using some of the child support but only enough to make up the difference between what he owes and what he’s paying. The end result is I have $500 in another account. I can reduce my payments on my credit cards to minimum payments. And, I haven’t been spending every last dime I have so I do have a little bit of a cushion in my regular account. It’s not a whole lot but hopefully between those three things I will be okay until I can finally take that motherfucker to court.

I’m on solid ground once again with the mobster. I wasn’t ever really on rocky ground with him. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and want things I can’t have. I’m absolutely serious when I say I would rather have our few weekends together than spending 24 hours a day with someone else. He is the best. He’s not going anywhere and I’m not going anywhere.

Rock Star was feeling better on Thanksgiving Day but she’s now saying she’s got UTI symptoms once again. I’m hopeful that eventually we will figure out what’s going on. Ultimately, the bill will get paid. Either the hospital will be willing to write it off because she’s a poor college student and I’m a poor single mom, or we’ll have to come up with a payment plan. I still have a little bit left in my HSA account and come January I should have around $1000 deposited into my account. That should help, although it will take every last bit of money for the year. I don’t know when that poor girl is going to get her wisdom teeth pulled.

I called the counseling center for Picasso. I got no answer and had to leave a message but I called. I’ll call again and again and again until someone helps my boy.

I may bite the bullet and call the new lawyer on Monday. I’ll see if they have time for me and how quickly they can file a show cause hearing. My financial guy set aside some money in case I needed it for legal fees so I have it. I didn’t want to use it because I don’t want to touch my 401k, but if I have to, I have to.

As for the garnishment process, well, it is what it is. Eventually it will be over. Hopefully that day comes before Picasso graduates. I’m only about 50/50 on whether that’s a joke or not. There’s no use in worrying about it. The wheels are in motion and I can’t stop it. If he gets to fuck me over once again by paying less in child support, well, what’s new? I will adjust. I have no choice.

In the meantime if he decides he’s going to be an asshole and not pay another dime until his paycheck is garnished and he has no choice then I’ll find those damn garnishment orders and send them directly to his company.

I’m not counting on him owing fifteen thousand in back support, although that would be nice. I’m not even counting on him having to pay a whole lot more. I think it will be enough to know that he can’t play these games anymore. Could he quit his job to get out of paying? I suppose he could, but I can’t believe Harley likes being poor. That’s why she dumped her first husband. I also can’t believe she’s willing to move all over and keep pulling her kids out of their schools and away from their friends. Then again, she’s a pretty crap-tacular mom so maybe she would.

Finally, I did get my high blood pressure medication. I called Friday morning and asked who was in charge. I explained that I had been trying to get it filled since Thursday the week before and I had called Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. She pulled up my records and told me it had been called in on Wednesday and they even had confirmation that it had been received. I’m sorry I thought Caroline might be a liar. I guess I am at fault because I did not call the pharmacy Wednesday evening; then again, every time before when I called in the hopes that maybe they just hadn’t called me I was told there was nothing there for me. Turns out they never called because they didn’t have my phone number. Why? I don’t know. I’ve used Walgreens forever. Regardless, I finally have it so between me letting go and refusing to worry and being able to take my medication, maybe my blood pressure will go down to a somewhat normal range.

Hang in there. The bad days come, but if you keep going they will eventually go away.

There Will Be Bad Days, Part 2

As of Thanksgiving Day I was still waiting for my prescription. My mom let me know she had a blood pressure cuff so I’ve been taking it. My lowest reading was something like 167/102. I had a high reading of 177/114. Not good. I’m sitting here wondering if I’m going to stroke out and leave my kids orphans. And, I can’t donate plasma if my bottom number is over 99 so it’s costing me money as well.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but the 60-90 days timeline I was given after I had my interstate meeting back in September is coming to a close early in December. I emailed my caseworker to ask her what exactly happens in 60-90 days. Is it over and a decision has been rendered? Do they have until that time to set a hearing date? What exactly happens in 60-90 days?

It turns out the state has 60-90 days to receive the case, record it in the computer system, review it, and get it to the appropriate county. THEN, the county has another 45 days, she believes to review and file the case.

Bonus points because Mississippi is having technical issues with their website so she’s not sure where they are in this process. So, maybe they’ve passed it off to the county; maybe they’re still thinking. I don’t know.

I emailed her back and asked her what happened after that. After the county has their 45 days to get their act together then what happens? Then we do the hearing? Then he gets garnished? How many more days, or rather months, is this going to take?

I also mentioned that I had heard it was possible to download garnishment papers from the internet, attach the court order, and send it directly to the company. I told her I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my case and asked if she had any idea how a judge would take that. I figure she’s been around this sort of thing a lot. Maybe she has some anecdotal stories she can share.

The next email back ignores my question about what happens after 45 days and is centered around how she can’t give me legal advice. If I choose to go with sending the papers directly to his company she advises I keep very careful records and keep her informed so she can communicate with the state of Mississippi.

At this point I’ve pretty much had it. She can’t give me legal advice and yet she’s the one who was adamant that I could not submit a new court order from Virginia to whatever state Jerry Lee was living in. Oh hell no. It had to be modified by a judge in that state.

I again asked what I could expect once the case was forwarded to the county. I also told her that the timeline of this process always seems to be changing. First it was 60-90 days period. Then it was 60-90 days to get it to one state and back, and then another 60-90 days to get it to the next state and back. Now I’m being told it’s another 45 days after that. So how much longer after that 45 days? I asked for an approximate end date of all of this bullshit and for some idea on how much time could potentially pass between him finding out he was being garnished and him actually being garnished.

That was the 22nd. I have heard nothing since. She’s probably on vacation this week. Hell, why not? It’s not her kids that are going to go without. It’s not her trying to figure out how to pay her bills and feed her kids. She’s got all the time in the world.

I’m so tired of being invisible. I’m just twisting in the wind. It goes all the way back to my interstate meeting and being told she can’t tell me how much he makes at his new job. He owes me money! The amount of money he owes me is dependent upon his income. I’m expected to go into this hearing blindly, not knowing if I have been jumping through hoops so that he is legally allowed to pay me less in child support. I’m expected to sit back and be patient. However long it takes, it takes. No use rushing it.

Zen can fuck right off. The last time I tried being zen it blew up in my face. That would have been my pool. Construction was supposed to take three weeks. It took ten. Every time we hit another snag, or it rained again, or the die blew up I would tell myself, “Sam, take a deep breath. I know it’s taking forever but once it’s done you’ll have this pool for years to come. You won’t have to go through this again and you’ll have a pool to enjoy every summer from here on out. Next summer it will all be worth it and you can just jump in.” Yeah, that didn’t work out.

I am pretty sure I wrote about my lawyer getting back to me pretty quickly once I told her that while I didn’t want to have to change lawyers I didn’t want to wait another six months with his unpaid legal fees hanging over my head. She apologized profusely, let me know that all of her cases have been going to trial and she hasn’t taken any new clients in months, and that she wouldn’t be able to work on my case until January. She gave me the names of a few lawyers, and said she would forward anything they might need if I would like.

I wrote her back about a week later and told her that if she was confident she could get to my case in January I would be willing to wait. That was November 18th. I’ve heard nothing.

The easiest solution would seem to be to make a call to one of the lawyers she suggested. One of them is a brand new lawyer that interned with her. She may trust that she can handle everything, but I don’t. The other option is well respected and is even on the list of Super Lawyers.

Unfortunately, I’m sure they’re also going to require a $3000 retainer and they will probably charge more per hour than my current lawyer.

It’s easy to say spend the money; it’s worth it; however, my daughter’s medical bills are going to sink me already. I feel guilty enough using my plasma money to buy Christmas presents when this medical bill looms over my head. In addition, it is almost the last day of the month and Jerry Lee has not managed to pay the second half of his self-modified spousal support.

Yes, you read that correctly. It’s not enough that the motherfucker shorted me $700 a month while acting like he was out of work. It’s not enough that even when he was called on it he still refused to pay his court ordered support but instead did some strange calculation and paid me that. It’s not enough he has the gall to think I should be grateful for whatever he pays me. No, now he’s not even going to pay the amount that His Highness decided upon.

Sure, maybe it will come on the last day. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the best track record so whenever I don’t have the money in hand before the end of the month I get nervous. Plus, I have the garnishment hanging over my head. I don’t know if he knows and he’s punishing me by not paying, or if he’s just being his typical asshole self.

Once again I’m sitting here thinking, “I’ve had a needle stuck in my arm twice a week since August for Christmas gifts, and now that it’s here I probably shouldn’t buy Christmas gifts. Instead, I should be using that money to buy food and put gas in my car.”

He always finds a way to fuck with me. Every goddamn time I have a plan he finds a way to fuck with me.

First it was when I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay for a graduation party or a gift for Rock Star when she graduated. I finally realized I could use my share of his restricted stock. He would owe me for the next four years. Only he quit his job so he could be closer to the whore. Poof! All that money up in smoke. Back to square one.

Then it was when I finally figured out how I was going to deal with insurance for myself once the divorce was finalized, and when I figured out the logistics of getting a job to supplement my support and getting both kids to their various extracurriculars. That’s when he lost the new job.

The kids and I ended up losing a whole hell of a lot more. We lost our home. We were forced to move out of the state. We were forced to move back to Indiana and in with my mom.

I knew how I was going to pay to break my daughter’s housing contract and I knew how I was going to pay my taxes and he fucked that up when he lost yet another fucking job! He has yet to go back to paying what he is supposed to.

God, I hate him!