Bezos’s Girlfriend

True confession: I don’t watch the news anymore. I don’t have CNN Headline News on my phone. I get my news from Google, and sometimes Facebook. I realize I’m burying my head in the sand but I’m okay with that right now. I do know lots of useless facts, though. Ask me anything about the royal family, the Duggars, and, for some reason, Bachelor Nation. Also, I’m quite knowledgable about snakes and sharks. One interesting thing that popped up on my news feed in the last month or so was the story of Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos, and his hacked cellphone/leaked text messages to his mistress.

Holy cow! The story goes something like this: The guy makes billions of dollars, cheats on his wife, gets a divorce, and then his text messages to his mistress are made public. Now, I don’t know exactly what the point of that was. I don’t know why anyone would care because I’m pretty sure the texts were released after the divorce. Sure, it may be embarrassing but a national security threat? I don’t think so.

It prompted an investigation. At one point the theory was that this poor, mistreated billionaire had been targeted by the Saudi government because Bezos had criticized them in an article.

Then the Wall Street Journal came along, did a little digging, and wow! What do you think they uncovered? Was it the Saudi government? Was it Trump? Was it the Mafia? All three colluding to make him look bad (did I mention there were nude pictures included?)? NO! Turns out his mistress, Lauren Sanchez, sent the texts to her brother. Who then turned around and sold the texts to the National Enquirer.

Of course, now that it’s all in the open both sides are saying that’s not true. Lauren insists her brother somehow acquired all of her texts without her knowledge, and her brother is actually suing her boyfriend for defamation.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we… fuck somebody else’s husband.

Yeah, that’s a real shocker. Imagine- a woman who had no problems sneaking around behind his wife’s back, fucking a married man, and cheating on her own not-as-rich husband, being willing to hand those intimate texts over to her brother to cash in on her relationship with the richest man in the world. It boggles the mind! I’m sure poor Jeff was stunned as well. Hey, she might lie, and cheat, and gaslight, but she only does that to other people. He’s special. She would never do that to him.

It reminds me of that blogger who was absolutely furious at his mistress for finally telling his wife about the three year long affair. At one point he gave serious consideration to leaving his wife for the mistress but then she went and told the truth! How dare she? She was cute as a button when she was helping him dupe his wife for three years. The fact that she was willing to lie and cheat and showed her shitty character didn’t bother him at all so long as it wasn’t directed his way. He could betray his wife for three years but when his mistress betrayed him? Oh mylanta! You would have thought the world stopped. Again, how dare she?

I once read a letter in an advice column. The writer was telling the columnist that her boyfriend was amazing in every way except this one little thing. He belittled people he felt were beneath him- servers, salespeople, customer service reps. You know, the people who can’t say anything back if they want to keep their jobs. I’ll never forget the columnist telling the letter writer that that was who her boyfriend was. He was a person who could be wonderful to those he felt were deserving and who would talk down to and belittle those he felt were not. That’s who you’re hitching your wagon to. If you are of value to him he will treat you well. If you one day lose value in his eyes he will treat you like gum on the bottom of his shoe.

It always amazes me when cheaters are shocked and astounded when their affair partner betrays them in some way or does something heinous. I’m thinking of the women who leave their husbands for their lover, only to find out the lover has no intentions of leaving his wife. The mistress who calls up the wife to let her know about the affair. The mistress who was involved with multiple men yet claiming that each one of them was her “soul mate”. The mistress that “cheats” on her married lover. The lies that they tell their lover.

“They aren’t that kind of person!”

Yes, yes, they are!

“How dare they betray me!”

They’re a person with shitty character. They had no problem fucking another person’s spouse. What kind of a person did you think they were?

Lying, cheating, deception. Those things are all fine when you’re not the recipient of such behavior. The cheating spouse thinks they’re immune from all of that. The AP loves them! They would never do any of that stuff to them. They don’t deserve it, unlike the clueless spouse who has committed egregious sins, none of which they are aware.

Yet one day the mistress picks up the phone and tells the wife she’s been sleeping with her husband for three years, they’re in love and he’s going to leave the wife to be with her. The cheating husband hacks the STBX wife’s Facebook, goes through all her messages and realizes that while he was handing five grand over to his mistress each month she was still sleeping with her estranged husband when he left after their weekend hookups. The mistress writes a tell-all book or sells her story to any publication/news show willing to pay out to talk about her affair. The cheating husband finds out that he wasn’t the only one; that in fact the woman he was betraying his wife with, was sleeping with multiple other men at the same. The mistress hands over private, intimate texts to her brother which end up being published in the National Enquirer.

To their shocked outrage, their blind surprise, I say this: You knew what they were when you picked them up.

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