I think I could do a whole blog on my mom. She’s fascinating. I mean that in a good way. I think my only complaint is her tendency to take on my paternal grandmother’s habit of starting a conversation with, “If I’m still here…” Or, as I like to call them, The Death Conversations.
Now, when I die, I need you to know our money guy has all the information you’ll need. EXCEPT about this one account. Listen carefully…
I bought these beautiful Christmas cards for next year. If I’m not here next year this is where I’ve put them.
Mom: I don’t want a feeding tube. Whatever happens do not let them put a feeding tube in. They can take lifesaving measures but no feeding tube.
Me: Okay. No feeding tube.
5 minutes later…
Mom: I need you to witness this DNR for me.
Me: What? No, Mom! You said you didn’t want a feeding tube but you did want them to try to save you.
Mom: Well then what’s a DNR?
Every time she pulls out her wallet and has to remove her ID… This $20 back here? That’s for Queen B. She’ll be looking for it when I die.
But I think my favorite has to be this past summer. We had been going to various local festivals and often times they’ll have a booth where the vendors are selling perfume. After the Apple Festival, which was the last one we attended, she looks at me and says, “I’ve got three bottles of perfume now. That should last me for the rest of my life.”
How big are these bottles, Mom?
Folks, my mother is in her 70s. I can’t elaborate further because she’ll kill me and I have not had death conversations with my children so they will be unprepared. She looks like she’s in her 50s. She’s in amazing health. She went to Israel two years ago. She hops in her car and drives to Virginia and Florida and everywhere else. She’s planning on going to Scotland this summer. She has three square meals a day, always has stamps, and gets things in the mail and down to the donation site in a timely manner. Maybe I’m just fooling myself but she’s not going anywhere! As I said above, how big are these bottles?
Good news though. She had a home health visit for some reason and she got very good reviews so she’s thinking she might buy another bottle of perfume.