Take Me Home, Country Road

It’s taken me a while to get into the correct frame of mind to write this. I suppose I may as well get straight to the point. The mobster is moving back to Virginia. We’re going back to the long distance thing.

Why? The route was a source of disappointment to him. It took him about six weeks longer to get started than he had originally planned. He can’t stand the district manager who acts as though he works for him and has absolutely no bedside manner, for lack of better word. The tax stuff every year stresses him out. His truck keeps breaking down. Small things like coils needing to be replaced but still… When that happens he’s waiting a week or more for his truck to get repaired and in the meantime he’s paying a couple hundred dollars to rent a truck so he can deliver. Oh yeah, and he went through a five week period where he didn’t get paid. He sold $48,000.00 worth of product and was somehow upside down. He’s still not sure what happened. When he gets paid he does very well for himself, especially for only three days of work. But those weeks when you don’t get paid…

Despite all of the issues he had with the route the main reason he’s moving back is because he misses his kids. As he said one time, “Even if I only see them every few months at least I’m there.”

He’ll see them more than every few months when he goes back. His son and his wife have moved into the apartment above the garage while their house is being built. His daughter and her best friend are still living in the house so he’ll see her all the time. We both expect her boyfriend to propose to her within the year. He graduates with his Masters in December and we figure he’ll do it sometime between Christmas and her birthday in March. She’ll be living in the house at least another year, maybe two.

I’ve known he was planning on moving back since early March. We just didn’t know when it was going to happen. Turns out the guy who sold him the route is buying it back. The sale is supposed to be finalized in about two weeks. He hasn’t said yet exactly when he plans on returning but I’m sure it won’t be almost 3 months later like it was when he sold the route in Virginia and moved up here. I would guess a week, maybe two, after the sale. It might depend on how quickly he sells his truck as well.

As I said in the beginning it has taken me a while to get into the right frame of mind. I spent the first two weeks crying every day. I didn’t eat much the first 3 or 4 days. I’ve only been able to concentrate on my job properly in the last 2 weeks or so. I still have days where I get teary eyed, if only for a few minutes. I’m really going to miss him. I’m going to hate not seeing him every day.

We watched all 8 seasons of Pysch. It took us a couple of weeks because we only managed about 2 or 3 episodes at a time. I watched it when it was on originally but loved watching it again. That’s something we won’t do anymore. When you only have a weekend or two each month you tend to spend that time running around making memories. You don’t drive five hours to see each other and then spend the entire weekend watching TV.

I’m going to miss meeting him downtown on Wednesday nights for raid hour, or having him come meet me for lunch on the days he doesn’t work. I’m going to miss going out to breakfast and/or visiting wineries on the weekends. I’m going to miss watching TV with him and spending lazy days with him. I’m going to miss going on walks with him and telling him about my day. Sure, I suppose when we talk in the evening he’ll ask me how my job went but it won’t be the same. I’m still really really sad about it.

I also regret all the things we’re not going to get to do that I thought we still had time to do- like watch all the Marvel movies in order. That’s not going to happen. There are too many of them and who wants to spend their one weekend a month watching movie after movie? I regret not going to the Farmer’s market more often. I regret not taking more weekend trips once we could pick from many other different cities and not just Columbus or Chillicothe. Chicago, Indianapolis, Nashville (Indiana, not Tennessee), Mackinaw Island, Grand Rapids, St. Louis. All trips we won’t make. I regret not getting a chance to eat at The Bucket out on the deck, enjoying the nice weather and the view of the river. We’ve been there once or twice, but we’ve always had to eat inside. So many things I thought we were going to have a chance to do that we won’t.

But, getting into the right frame of mind also means asking myself the hard questions. And each time it comes down to this: I’d rather spend a weekend or two with him each month than spend every day with someone else.

We’ve had conversations about me possibly moving down to where he is. I would still be about an hour or two away. I will not move to the armpit of Virginia. I refuse to have to drive an hour to go anywhere or do anything. They drive an hour to go to Olive Garden. No one should ever drive an hour to go to Olive Garden. Ever. Cheesecake Factory? I get that. Macaroni Grill? Carrabba’s? All choices I could get behind. But Olive Garden? Absolutely not.

I’ve lived life in a small town. Twice, in fact. I am not a fan. Even if I don’t use everything available at my fingertips I still like having a variety of options.

I was thinking Charlotte might be a nice option but the housing prices there are way out of my league. Other potential options are Roanoke or Greensboro. Maybe even Winston-Salem.

We’re playing it by ear for now. Who knows where our kids will end up or how much time we’ll actually get to spend with them once they’ve built their own lives?

My daughter keeps saying she and her boyfriend plan to move to Utah (although she did say she would be willing to move to the Carolinas). My son doesn’t want to go south and wants to remain with his friends. He would be willing to move to Utah if I moved, but I can’t afford to move back to Utah. My mom, of course, doesn’t want me to go but I think I could possibly persuade her to come with me. To Virginia or North Carolina, that is. I don’t think all the rum in the world could get her to move to Utah.

I don’t see the mobster’s kids ever moving from where they currently live. His oldest son, if he doesn’t remain in New Hampshire, could potentially end up moving more towards the D.C. area and his youngest son who is currently in West Virginia could end up moving back to the area. In other words, I don’t see his kids going to all four corners of the world to set about their lives. They’re pretty much Virginia bound.

I mention this only because at one point he said maybe we could pick a place that was central to all of our kids. I don’t think that’s pragmatic when all of his kids are in one location and it’s mine that are spread around the country.

But we’ll see. Maybe Rock Star will end up in Utah and I’ll only get to see her two or three times a year. Maybe Picasso will move out, find a nice girl to settle down with, and I’ll only see him once a month because he’s busy. Who knows?

One thing I do know is no matter what happens I will be fine. That was one of the big hurdles I had to finally leap in order to be okay with all that’s happening. When I finally told myself, “Sam, you are going to be fine no matter what. You’ve had far worse things happen and you’ve survived,” that was when I could finally breathe again. And as the mobster has been saying all along, “This isn’t the end of us. Nothing’s changed. We’re just going back to the way it was before until we come up with a new plan.”

So that’s where we’re at. After 8 months of being together every day we’re going back to long distance.

Phrase for the year: Be here, be still. Boy, I really know how to pick those goddamn words and phrases, don’t I?

4 thoughts on “Take Me Home, Country Road

  1. Sam, you will be fine, of course. Absolutely. You are a warrior.

    And I’ve loved watching (reading) about your relationship growing with the Mobster. He has always seemed wonderful. I emphatically disagree with him though that nothing is changing. I teared up as I read that. He’s leaving the person he says he wants to build a life with to go back to his (adult) children. That doesn’t seem like a particularly well thought out decision. Perhaps it is for him, but not really for you both as a couple. Your list of regrets was fairly heart wrenching. Those are all things you deserve to have now. I get that his job wasn’t working (I’m sure that wasn’t the one job in your area) and he wishes he could see his kids more, but it feels like your statement that you’d prefer seeing him once a month to spending a day with anyone else is countered by his decision that he prefers to see his kids than spend those days with you.

    Is he ever actually going to be willing to leave his children and the boondocks of Virginia, or are you both just kicking the can of that eventual standoff further down the road? It just seems like there was a lot of middle ground here that got passed right over. 💔💔

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ouch!
    I came to comment & I read blackacre’s comment. At first I thought it was a bit harsh but I think it’s more like tough love. Do I add to that or just bite my tongue?
    I’ve been 1000% for you & the mobster. Sam, you have grown so much. I too believe you will be absolutely fine, eventually. I don’t feel that the mobster gave himself time to get situated. Don’t hate me mobster man, but I know Sam is heartbroken over this. It’s too bad & sad that you have to go back to how it was. I mean, will it ever be?
    This is just wrong. So much potential & then this.
    I’m sorry Sam ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m angry that you’re heartbroken by his choice. I wish you didn’t have to go through this. You are worthy of being someone’s top priority.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I get that kids come first, because they were here before you guys had each other. And mobster is a lovely man. And his kids rely on him because other parent is a clusterfuck of trauma. But this doesn’t feel like a fair deal. And his kids … missing them matters but… that’s what FaceTime is for. They need to be independent. That’s what adult life is. You seem willing to kinda… be available. Not be stuck to your children. His attachment seems a little less … healthy. I’m with blackacre. When you look at it on the scales, you’re willing to compromise. He gave it a run, and now is heading back to his haven. And you’re going to be asked to make your needs smaller. And smaller. You know where your line in the sand is (apparently it’s Olive Garden 🙂 but… wow. I’m sad. I fear that when he does go home he will realize it’s not the same, and regret not finding a compromise. Or … he will be happy as a clam, and snuggle right back into his nest in the middle of nowhere and that leaves you as the woman driving hours to see him every two weeks. Ugh. This makes my stomach twist because I hurt for you.

    As someone who has spent the last two years seeing my boyfriend for a month in person and then 6 months by phone, I get the idea of wanting that person more than others who may be at hand. But I’m heartbroken for you. Really really heartbreaking.

    That said. That’s all I will say, verbal vomit of feels. And now I will put it in a box and support you. I have to trust that you and Mobster tried all the angles to find solutions. And that you both have found that this is the best plan for now. And that you will figure o it when and how to try to get closer physically in the future.

    I know that really, the best plans often get completely turned upside down. Like me. I thought I would quit my job sometime next year and move over in a stable way to be with boyfriend. Now I got laid off and that whole plan is out the window, and apparently I will be there in October or earlier … plans be damned the universe is really good at making you understand how little it cares about your plans.

    So I hope you guys work through this. But I also tell you- please make sure you’re not giving up any of your well deserved personal independence and power. Do not make yourself smaller for this change.

    We love you. (I love mobster too. But this is your post,
    So it’s about you.)

    Liked by 1 person

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