My English professor once told me I needed to prune my words. Prune. So I’m going to give this my best shot.
I had a very sweet moment with my two kids today. Rock Star just turned 22 and Picasso will turn 20 in 2 weeks. This is important to the story.
Short version: Fuckwit dad disappears for months. Suddenly reappears and asks his kids, young teens, if they have bank accounts yet and lets them know if they don’t he’s willing to open up a joint account with each of them. Mom is suspicious about this. As she puts it he never does anything unless it will benefit him so she’s wondering what his angle is.
Several people agree with her suspicions. All is fine until one commenter declares that there is no reason for that father to be on his kids’ account and furthermore, any parent who is on their child’s account is controlling and abusive. People replied that in the US a parent is almost always required to be on an account with a minor. I know that’s true at the bank where I work. That’s when the stance became: If you must be on their account while they’re a minor then you should immediately remove yourself once they turn 18 because you have no business being on that account at that point. Anything less is controlling and abusive. The end. Period. Voice of authority says so, therefore it is so.
I could have argued with this person but I figured it would be far better to go to the source. This person believes they are the voice of every child who has a parent on their bank account? Well, I’ve got two kids of my own and I’m on their account. I asked them how they felt about it.
“Hey kids! Quick poll for you. Some stranger on the internet thinks it’s controlling and abusive for a parent to be on their child’s checking account. They also think once the child turns 18 the parent should immediately remove themselves from the account. So, if I were stupid enough to listen to internet strangers and took myself off of your account would you be saying, “Thanks, Mom! It was so controlling and abusive and I just didn’t know how to tell you,” or would you be saying, “Thanks, random internet stranger. Now my mom can no longer randomly transfer money in my account,”?
Shockingly, both of them said they appreciated the fact that I randomly transfer money into their accounts and said they would prefer I not stop that. Rock Star said if I was stealing money from them then it would be abusive but since I’m not she had no problems with it. Picasso agreed with her. He went on to state that he knew of parents who did stuff like that and even mentioned a friend of his who had to hide money from his mom. Rock Star named someone as well. And then the sweet moment happened.
Picasso wrote: Mom, I don’t know if you realize, but you are a good parent.
And then by the miracle of iPhones Rock Star was able to “emphasize” his statement.
Awww! Folks, I was in a restaurant getting ready to eat some chicken wings. I almost cried!
Rock Star went on to say, quite sagely, that parents that are being abusive to their kids probably wouldn’t be reading a post discussing how to be a good parent. Picasso agreed with her and added that they also probably either think they are a good parent or they just don’t care. And then again he melted my heart when he wrote, “We love you, Mom.”
Then it got very sappy. Rock Star added on, “To the moon and back,” which is funny because I always associate that with what Tammy Faye and Jerry Lee would say. But she reminded me a while ago that when she was little I would read the book, “Guess How Much I Love You” to her. Little Nutbrown Hare tells Big Nutbrown Hare how much he loves him. Each time Big Nutbrown Hare agrees that that is indeed a lot and then goes on to add to it. At the very end Little Nutbrown Hare tells his dad “I love you right up to the moon.” Big Nutbrown Hare says that is very, very far indeed and with that, Little Nutbrown Hare falls asleep. Then Big Nutbrown Hare whispers, “I love you right up to the moon… and back.”
Because Big Nutbrown Hare always loves Little Nutbrown hare more I couldn’t leave it with my daughter declaring her love for me to the moon and back, so I told them I loved to Mars and back, or whichever planet was furthest. I added that Picasso probably remembered which one it was from his solar system program in kindergarten.
Sure enough, he writes: …it’s Pluto, though Neptune is sometimes further since Pluto has an elliptical orbit.
It’s a mouthful, but it had to be said: I love you both to Pluto, and sometimes Neptune because of Pluto’s elliptical orbit, and back.