A woman had written a letter to Chump Lady. She was five months pregnant. It had been a very rough pregnancy, with morning sickness, bleeding, acid reflux, UTIs, and an infection which could endanger the baby and will require IV antibiotics for the mom during and following labor. She goes on to say that she works full-time as she is the breadwinner. And she’s only missed two days of work despite all the problems she’s experienced during this pregnancy! On top of that she just found out that their landlord is selling the home they currently live in. Meanwhile, her boyfriend is whining about not getting enough blow jobs and he announces he is going to go see a prostitute in order to “get his needs met.” Actually, per the letter, dickhead left the house and upon returning let her know that he had been “seen to” by the prostitute and was now “satisfied” for the time being.
Thankfully the letter writer realized that this was unacceptable and she could no longer be in a relationship with him. The hump she was having a hard time getting over though was how to disentangle herself from this man she considered “her rock” and life partner.
That’s when Chump Lady framed it another way: He is NOT your rock. He’s an anchor.
Wow! Mic drop. How many people out there can relate to that? We think this person we’re going through life with has our back. This person is our rock, our safety, our savior, our person.
It’s only once we go no contact and get away from that relationship that we can see the truth. They never had our back. They were never a full partner. They were never safe. They were never in our corner. They were not a rock. They were an anchor.
Tethered to them we begin to sink. Many times we don’t even realize we’re being pulled under. Without them we grow wings. We accomplish things we never thought were possible. Don’t let them convince you they’re a rock when they’re really an anchor. Soar; don’t sink.