Fast Food Foibles

The mobster is always telling me I should start a new blog, one that is dedicated to my fast food foibles. I’m not going to but I can tell you about some of the things that have pissed me off lately. And by lately I mean over the last few months, probably dating back to July.

First up we have the whole McDonald’s debacle. I swear I am boycotting this damn chain in my city. I did stop for McDonald’s when I was on the road over Labor Day weekend. The people in Nitro, West Virginia have got their shit together. The people were friendly. The food was hot. They actually gave me what I asked for. It was amazing.Let’s go back in time to one of the McDonald’s here in my city. It was probably July but I know for certain it was Community Day for Pokemon Go because I decided to grab an egg McMuffin from McDonald’s on my way. I pull into the drive-thru about 10:50. There was a car ahead of me. I finally get my chance to order. It’s still not 11. I say very politely, “I’d like a #1 with an extra hash brown and a large diet Coke.”

#1 is an egg McMuffin meal. for those of you who might not know. It’s my standard breakfast order although I will say Mickey D’s does have amazing pancakes. No time for pancakes that day though.

The girl repeats my order, goes to ask me a question about something and then says, “Oh, we can’t do that.”

So I ask if they’re already serving lunch.

“No, but we don’t have anymore of those.” She then proceeds to list about 3 different items, none of which I was interested in, that they still have available.

It is NOT 11:00 yet. They are still serving breakfast. Why are they not making me a goddamn egg McMuffin?

I worked at Hardee’s when I was in college. I remember two guys coming in maybe 10 minutes before closing time. Closing time! Not merely switching from breakfast to lunch. I forgot what they wanted but it was something we didn’t sell a whole lot of. Maybe a ham and cheese or a chili dog. The one they received probably should have been thrown away already. They were very understanding and were like, “It’s late. We get it.” The manager who knew them told them, “No, it’s not okay. You should get whatever you ordered and it should be fresh and good.” She was absolutely correct. Those guys got whatever it was they wanted and it was made fresh for them. Ten minutes before we closed.

I, however, can’t get an egg McMuffin around here unless I go in around 6 a.m. because once they run out of them they no longer make anymore- even if it’s still fucking breakfast time! Even if they’re still serving breakfast.

As always I was exceedingly polite despite the fact I thought it was total bullshit. I simply said something along the lines of either “Never mind,” or “No thank you,” and I drove to Burger King where I ordered an original chicken sandwich.

This came after my previous 3 or 4 month long boycott of the same McDonald’s. Again, Pokemon Go Community Day. We leave early so we can grab some breakfast and eat in the park. We sat in the drive-thru for over 20 minutes before finally leaving.

If I’m going to wait 20 minutes to even give them my order then I may as well go to a sit down restaurant. My philosophy on this is quite simple: As a fast food restaurant no one is coming to your establishment because they are looking for the most amazing meal they’ve ever eaten. They are there because they want something fast. That is their only job. Food fast. Yet so many of them cannot handle this anymore.

I know I sound like a cranky old woman but I don’t care. As I said I’m always nice. I never cuss or yell at anyone. Never tell them they’re incompetent or otherwise insult them or their establishment. The most that happens is that I leave in disgust and vow to never return.

Then back in August I had the situation with Subway where I waited for 20 minutes in the drive-thru while they made sandwiches for online orders because apparently their new business model is to tell the customers that actually come to their restaurant to fuck right off. I can see why they are losing out to Jimmy John’s, Firehouse Subs, and Jersey Mike’s.

Don’t even get me started on Chick-Fil-A. I love their chicken sandwiches. I hate the lines.

It is crazy around here and for the life of me I don’t understand why. We are a town of approximately 100,000 people. We have 3 stand alone Chick-Fil-A restaurants and one inside a mall. They all have insanely long lines At the one on the south side of town they have people directing traffic. There is a Texas Roadhouse right next to it but no one going to Texas Roadhouse can use the city street to drive into the Texas Roadhouse parking lot. You have to detour and go through the Lowe’s parking lot to get to the steakhouse because you will be waiting in a line forever.

I went to the newest one which is in the northwest part of town, thinking that maybe they wouldn’t be as busy. Oh, how silly was I? I was in line forever. Again. I timed it. I want to say it ended up being 40 minutes by the time I finally got to order and then got my food. And on top of that they didn’t have regular lids for the drinks so I had shake lids which meant I drove with the drink holder on my lap so soda didn’t spill all over my car.

Maybe you’re thinking the one at the mall would be a little better. You have to go in. No one is going through a drive-thru. That’s adorable. You would be wrong. The lines continue to be insane and you will wait for eternity to get your delicious chicken sandwich.

The one I go to is a little better now if you choose to go inside. I don’t know if that’s because people don’t realize the dining room is open or we just have a lot of people too lazy to get out of their cars. The inside lines used to be insane, too. The drive-thru will still take you anywhere from 20-40 minutes depending on the traffic, and the traffic is usually pretty heavy.

Here’s the crazy part. Aside from the fact that we have 4 Chick-Fil-A restaurants and God only knows how many other restaurants that aren’t Chick-Fil-A this restaurant has been around for years! I could understand if this was a new restaurant and we had heard lots of exciting things about Chick-Fil-A. I mean, I remember being in line at In-N-Out Burger back in Utah for over an hour. But within a month or so those lines were manageable.

In fact, we do have 2 new restaurants in the area. We have a Raising Canes and a Mission BBQ that just opened within the last year. Neither of them are as busy as any of the Chick-Fil-A restaurants.

We moved here in 1979. I’m not going to say we definitely had a Chick-Fil-A in 1979 but I know by the early 80s both malls had one and I had eaten at both of them. I remember my mother introducing me to Chick-Fil-A at the Scottsdale Mall that no longer even exists. I would be willing to bet it was no later than 1982 but more than likely it was even earlier than that. The stand alone restaurants came later but still!- we were well acquainted with Chick-Fil-A by that time. Sweet J was taking me to Chick-Fil-A to cheer me up after one of my many breakups with Dave, probably during my junior year of high school. What was that? 1985? 1986? I had multiple friends who worked there in high school and we graduated 35 years ago!

People, you’ve had more than 35 years to acclimate to the yummy deliciousness of Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches. Yes, the peppermint chip milkshake may be a newer menu item but that is a seasonal item and does not explain your long lines.

Aren’t people supposed to be boycotting them because they don’t like their Christina principles? How can I organize a boycott here? I personally won’t partake but it would be awesome (for me) if a lot more people decided they wouldn’t frequent their business.


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