Another Bit Of Wisdom

I was directed to a YouTube video by Dr. Ramani. She talks a lot about narcissism. I’m not so sure Jerry Lee is a narcissist but it also doesn’t really matter at this point. However, Dr. Ramani said something that was a total mic drop.

I am always amazed at how many people view infidelity or cheating as a deal breaker but they don’t have a problem with being disrespected and devalued for 20, 30, 40 years.

Wow! That really resonated with me.

Prior to that statement she was saying that if you are dealing with lying, gas lighting, and being invalidated, demeaned, devalued, and discarded then the cheating is the least of your problems.

You don’t have a good relationship if those factors exist even if your partner is faithful.

They don’t value or even want to hear your opinion? That’s not a good relationship.

They never use your name? That’s devaluing and it’s not a good relationship.

They want everything done their way and they are never willing to compromise? That’s not a good relationship?

You give and give and give while they take and take and take? That’s not a good relationship.

You put away their clothes, fix their plate, and take care of their children and they whine if they’re left alone with them for an afternoon? That’s not a good relationship.

You make a big deal out of holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries and they can’t be bothered? That’s not a good relationship.

You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or you’re a constant disappointment to your partner? That’s not a good relationship.

They call you names when you get into an argument or they talk down to you even during so called good times? That’s not a good relationship.

You don’t need to wait for infidelity for it to be a horrible relationship. Hell, I’ll take it one step further and say you two can fuck like rabbits but if your partner is selfish, egotistical, never puts you first, never does a damn thing for you, and expects you to cater to their every whim you don’t have a good relationship. You might have a great sex life but your relationship outside of the bedroom sucks. Since you don’t usually spend the majority of your day in bed having sex (or any location of your choice- obviously) then you have a problem whether you are willing to see it or not.

I think this message is so valuable to hear. So often you read people’s posts where they say, “I just need proof of the cheating and then I will have a reason to leave.”

No, I think that if the relationship is already bad enough that you’re hoping you discover infidelity in order to have an excuse to leave the relationship is already bad enough. You don’t need to wait for them to cheat in order to justify leaving. Lying, devaluing, demeaning, gas lighting, bullying, discarding, invalidating, ignoring, and a whole host of other bad behaviors are plenty reason to get the hell out.

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