Then we have his issues with my son. I think living together was eye opening. There were definitely things he didn’t approve of as far as Picasso was concerned. He thought he needed to get out of his room more. He didn’t like the way he talked to me. He found him to be disrespectful. Plus, he felt like he couldn’t say anything to Picasso for some reason. I suppose because he wasn’t his dad and he figured that’s exactly what my kid would tell him.
At one point he told me that he could see this becoming a major obstacle in our relationship.
I didn’t think it would be. I had tough conversations with my son, especially once Matt moved back. I let my kid know I didn’t plan on sticking around. I am not especially fond of Indiana so it wasn’t just Matt that was leading me back to Virginia or North Carolina. I told him I would love for him to come with me but if he wasn’t going to he needed to get his shit together because he was going to have to support himself. I would be willing to bet that Matt never said anything like that to his kids.
I don’t want to make it sound like there weren’t any good times or that all he did was bitch about my kid. He would talk to Picasso about life. He gave him advice. We went to the movies together. We went out for dinner. I think his pep talk was a najor turning point for Picasso because after that he decided to get his driver’s license and sign up with the union. And honestly, Picasso spent a hell of a lot of time in his room, away from us.
In the end though he tried to place a large portion of the reason he moved back on my son. That’s a really shitty thing to do. He actually told me one time when he was pissed that if not for Picasso he might not have chosen to move back, and when we were talking our last weekend together he again said that while he missed his kids and that was the primary reason he moved, Picasso played a major part in it. Honestly, if he didn’t like my child and didn’t want to be around him ever that was going to be a deal breaker. I sometimes really think he felt like it had to be one or the other. “I want to be your ride or die but your son is.”
That wasn’t true. Matt was my ride or die. He was my person. I absolutely adored him. But my son is my son and I’m not going to abandon him.
It’s also kind of ironic because Picasso told me he really didn’t like Matt as much once he moved in but he wasn’t ever going to say anything to me while we were together because “your happiness is paramount.” It’s sad to think that my 20 year old son thinks more about my feelings than my 50+ year old boyfriend. The one who says he wants to be my ride or die. Equally sad to think that my 20 year old son has the foresight to say, “I’m not crazy about this person, but I know my mom is and I want her to be happy so I’m going to shut up and roll with it,” and Matt, at age 50+ felt the need to tell me every fault he found with my son.
Are We Still Having Spaghetti For Dinner? 
I know that people have said this already, but truly, all he had to do was communicate these concerns during the relationship. Most, if not all of these issues are fixable. You can’t read his mind.
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You are so correct. I think that’s the saddest part. We could probably have worked through most, if not all, of this. But when he won’t say what he wants or why he feels the way he does it’s impossible. Doubly ironic coming from the man who told me I have shitty communication skills.
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Your relationship with Matt, was like a fantasy to him. You had 5 and a half years of a part time relationship. You both made the effort. You both felt giddy to see each other. It was going great. When Matt moved in and had to deal with real life issues, compromise, he didn’t like that, it wasn’t fun anymore. Hell he didn’t even give it a chance. His life became mundane. So like most men he left.
I’m sorry you had to find out what a douche bag he is.
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Sadly, I think you’re right. He never should have moved up here. I don’t even know if the solution would have been me moving down there. But he never should have moved here.
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