I’m Not Having a Good Day

I apologize for the double posting. I know I’ve been vomiting up my emotional mess. I thank each and every one of you who has been reading along. I appreciate the comments. They usually make me feel not so crazy.

I thought I would be able to say at week 4 that I was doing so much better. Unfortunately, for some reason today has been a really hard day.

I went and got my hair done. It’s the first time since he dumped me. I used to always take a picture when I was done and send it to him. I can’t do that today. I can’t do it ever again. What’s he going to say? “You look nice,”? “Glad you got your hair done,”? He used to tell me how beautiful I was, or how much he loved it. 

I was spiraling on my way over there and then I had to keep silently yelling at myself to keep it together. She asked me what was new in my life and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that Matt and I broke up. I knew I would start crying and I wasn’t going to do that in the middle of a busy salon with other people around me.

Tonight is my company’s Employee Appreciation party. I had already RSVP’d for the two of us. I’ve never attended this without him. Instead tonight a co-worker and I are going to meet at one of the downtown garages and we’re going to go together. She’s going through a divorce and doesn’t want to go by herself or be a third wheel. I used to have a lot of fun at this event so I am forcing myself to go but I really don’t want to. I think I’m going to be reminded over and over again how this used to be. I envision myself spending a lot of time in the bathroom crying pathetically.

It doesn’t help that he should be here this weekend. It probably would have been the first weekend we saw each other since I flew down to Virginia in December. Instead of being with him and going to this party with him I’m all alone and it’s hitting really hard today.

I’m hoping tomorrow will be better.

In the meantime, since I can’t send my pictures to him I’ll share them with you all. Not much has changed. She touched up the roots and gave me a slight trim. I resisted chopping it all off.

On the positive side my fat fat pants no longer fit and I’m actually wearing a pair of jeans I bought 6 years ago, grew out of, fit back into, grew out of again, and am now wearing them again. If I had to guess I’d say I’ve lost at least 20 pounds if not more since the beginning of the year. Low carb and not being able to eat really work.


6 thoughts on “I’m Not Having a Good Day

  1. Your hair looks very pretty.
    You go tonight & forget about the douchebag. Don’t let him take up space in your head. Evict his ass & enjoy yourself. He’s HISTORY.
    I know you are in a lot of pain but don’t let him fuck up your future. Tonight is your future. That’s yours nothing to do with him.
    You have to love & respect yourself.
    Evidently that’s a foreign concept for you.
    I think you are lucky to be rid of his ass.
    I think I’ve said enough.


  2. Your hair looks lovely.
    When Craig and I split up the hardest part was not having my person to send things to.
    We had been together 25 years and had been connected at the hip. We went to work together, ate lunch together. Texted all the time.

    The quiet almost killed me. No I’m week 1, which was hard, but over time. As the anger reduced and the reality set in.

    I started looking for other women getting divorced. They also needed someone to send those little things to and we became it for each other. Not the same, but close.

    I hope you enjoy your night. The world is your oyster. I hope you enjoy it. Even a little. You deserve it.



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