A very nice woman was complaining about the fact that her ex-husband was off living his very best life with his new girlfriend, not a care in the world, while she was living life alone and making sure their kids were okay. She was navigating the shit parts of life solo while he was riding off into the sunset with someone else.
At which point a very helpful (or not so helpful, depending upon your point of view) commenter asks her why, if she’s completely over the ex, she’s not out there dating, too. After all, getting a divorce doesn’t mean your life is over and there’s no point in martyring yourself for your children. This commenter seems to believe you can concentrate on your traumatized kids and still have a life of your own. Don’t impose solitary confinement on yourself, she tells her.
Assuming she is correct and it’s a piece of cake to work, keep up with a house, tend to your children, nurture your friendships, and date where exactly do you find these people to date?
I’m going to be very honest, As much as men say it’s so much easier for women I think it’s so much easier for men. What men mean when they say it’s easier for women is that it’s easier for women to find sex. This has never played out for me but I hear that a woman can find a man to have sex with her whenever she wants. Again, I’ve never experienced this myself but it’s what I’ve been told. Walk into any bar, ask a man if he wants to come home with you and have sex, and he will.
Therein lies the problem. It’s very easy for a woman to have sex (supposedly) but it’s much easier for a man to find a woman willing to be in a relationship. In general women are willing to trade sex for a long term commitment.
So I’m back to my question. Where do you find these people? Assuming you want more than a one night stand or a casual dinner date now and again, how do you go about finding anyone? Hell, how do you find the person for a one night stand or a casual dinner date?
I absolutely refuse to go on any dating apps. From everything I have ever read they are a nightmare and quite honestly I don’t know that I’m up for men ghosting me or wanting to text me for 6 months and never meeting me. I’ve also heard that dating apps are designed for men because of the visual aspect of it. Even the ones where women are the ones to make the first move they are still geared towards the visual. You’re putting your pictures up there and letting someone judge you based on your looks.
I’ve been doing as much as I can trying to get out of the house. The meditation group has yielded nobody that I would be interested in dating. Euchre at the Elks is played with very nice men who are all 20-30 years older than me- at a minimum. Not interested. Two of my groups are women only. Since I would be looking for a man I will not be finding any there. So far in my Trivia group there are four men. One, I think, is paired up with one of the women who come. Another one is that woman’s son and he himself has a young son. One is approximately 20 years older. The final one is young and quite socially awkward. That’s going to be another huge no for me. I have not yet been to the co-ed hiking group or to the alumni association. I’ll let you know what the prospects are like after I’ve finally had a chance to mix with them. As it stands though meeting people in real life is not working out. Everyone is very nice but I am not meeting the new love of my life. I’m not meeting anyone I would even go to dinner with.
What does that leave us with? Work? No. I don’t shit where I eat but even if I did I work remotely the majority of the time and as I’ve said before most of my co-workers are women. Friends? Again, I don’t shit where I eat. That’s too close to the work scenario. What if I really like him and he doesn’t like me? Then I’m forced to interact with him and his new girlfriend whenever my friend has a get together. That would be awful. It’s also a big ol’ fantasy because I haven’t been invited to a get together by any of my friends in ages. Nonetheless, I don’t see them setting me up with anyone.
I don’t have any other ideas. I suppose maybe serendipitously meeting someone while out with friends could happen but my friends aren’t around much. One is married. The other is back with her boyfriend.We aren’t typically out dancing on the weekends and even when we were it wasn’t like we were running with a crowd our age. Everyone is fucking married or paired up. Or 20 years older. I’m not dating a 70 year old until I’m 70.
The whole point to the post isn’t that I’m so lonely and longing for a man. I would be a disaster for anyone right now, in fact. It’s that asking someone what’s stopping her from getting out there and living her best life, too, isn’t all that helpful. It’s not like men are falling from the sky and we have our choice of dates. It’s not easy to find someone to go out with once, never mind finding someone with whom you share any kind of connection or think you might want to get to know better. It can be soul crushing when you watch the person you love move on and seemingly have this perfect life where they never skipped a beat. Meanwhile, you are juggling kids, job, and day to day life all by yourself. And since you were the faithful one you’re doing all the hard shit by yourself while Mr. Cheater had your replacement lined up before he ever left. But sure, just get out and have yourself some fun!