TikTok and Co-Parenting

Buckle up! This is a long one.

I have a confession to make. I just started getting into TikTok. I only have a few people I follow and I don’t post, but I like the videos. They’re like little lessons sometimes. Small comedy shows other times.

I had a video pop up for me last night and my head just about exploded.

Little background for you so you understand all that’s going on. Woman gets cheated on by her husband. He’s having an affair while she’s at work supporting the family. She finds out, leaves him, and files for divorce. Husband ends up moving in and having a baby with the affair accomplice. In an interesting turn of events the cheated on woman ends up meeting and getting together with the cheated on man. Yeah, they swapped spouses. Also interesting: Cheated on Daddy has custody of the couple’s kids so the cheated on woman is a full-time stepmom to the affair accomplice’s kids. And…. one last twist. Cheating hubby can’t figure out how to properly fill out paperwork so they are legally still married until he files the proper papers.

Got all of that?

Her TikTok basically went like this: I called up my husband’s girlfriend (remember, technically still married) and asked her if she’d like me to take their son for the weekend so they could have time away together. Followed by this lovely montage of all the kids together and words of affirmation about how wonderful it is that they can do this and how this is how it should be. Yes, the cheated on wife watching the affair child of her cheating husband and his affair accomplice. That’s exactly how it should be. In fucking Crazyville!

OK, despite my outburst let me be very clear. If this kind of thing floats your boat then keep rowing merrily, merrily, merrily down the stream. My point is not that you shouldn’t do it, or that’s damaging or confusing to the kids or they’ll grown up having issues. I mean, they might. I don’t know. But that’s not my point.

My point is this: I’m so sick and tired of the media and everyone else out there that tries to sell this bullshit to us as the way it should be. No, it’s the way it might be. Could be. Much more likely if one of the parties is not an asshole. But more than likely it’s not the way that it is and I’m not even sure it’s something we should strive for.

As always there are the sycophants who must chime in with all of their social media wisdom and these are just a fraction of the comments. The post had over 1.4 thousand of them. I did not have the time, nor the stomach, to read through them all.

I love this! That’s how grown women act. These are true mothers.

Seriously? Sucking up to your husband’s mistress makes you a true mother? Not taking care of your kids after their father has abandoned them? Not working two or three jobs to provide for them? Not doing without so that your children don’t do without? It’s only when you offer to take the other woman’s child that she had with your husband that you can call yourself a true mother. Good to know.

No, there isn’t any food in the house because I spent it all on tanning, nails, and tattoos. But I’m a really good mom. Honest! I take my husband’s love child every other weekend when he and the affair accomplice want to get away for some couple time. That’s the very definition of a true mother.

That’s how grown women act. Bitch, please.

And this is what being a grown woman looks like… that little boy is gonna grow up knowing what love really is.

What in the hell is it with grown woman equaling falling all over yourself to help out your husband and the mistress with their child? When did that become a thing?

Maybe what that little boy is gonna grown up knowing about is piss poor boundaries. Or maybe they’ll all grow up under the illusion that cheating on your spouse is no big deal and get a huge shock when they cheat on their own spouse and that one doesn’t say things like, “Oh bring your baby on over. I’ll watch him or her because I’m a grown woman and grown women do those types of things,” or, “I would love to have you and your mistress over for the holidays. Can you ask her to make her amazing macaroni and cheese?” Instead, maybe their cheated on spouse says something along the lines of,”Get the fuck out of here with that ridiculous shit. Watch your own damn kid. I’m not your fucking babysitter,” or my personal favorite, “I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire so hell no I’m not helping you and your whore out with your child.”

Honestly, is there no other way for your child to feel loved if you aren’t in one big circle jerk with your ex and the affair accomplice?

This!!! This is how it should be done.

I disagree, M’am. Stop pushing this ridiculous notion that all ex’s should get along and be one big happy family. You know what would be even better for the kids than acting like one big happy family? Not cheating on your fucking wife and ending up divorced so you now have to play one big happy family.

Co-parenting done right. Followed by the person being tagged saying, “Yep.”

Nope. I’m pretty sure my friend who had an abusive ex would not agree that this is parenting done right. Especially considering the fact that the ex attempted to strangle their daughter at one point. I’m pretty sure she feels much safer far, far away from her ex. Pretty sure her daughter does, too.

This can only happen when you saw your partner as a partner and not a possession. When things don’t work out you see the bigger picture instead of feeling like someone else took your possession.

Wow! I am almost without words.

No, how about when someone cheats on you and decimates your life it fucking hurts. You don’t owe it to the person who did that to you to buddy up to them or welcome their affair accomplice into your life. I wouldn’t invite my rapist or kidnapper over for Thanksgiving and I don’t intend to invite my ex over either.

That comment above boils everything down to sex and ownership. It is insulting. It completely ignores the person who has been left devastated by the cheater’s actions. It ignores the person who has had their life turned upside down and they’re struggling to understand what has happened and how they’re going to continue on without this person they loved and thought was “their person.” It ignores the cheated on individual who is left wondering what is wrong with them, or if there was something else they could have done- or something they shouldn’t have done. It ignores the parent that is scared to death because they have no idea how they’re going to be able to support their children, have no idea where they may end up, and have no idea how they’re going to make it. It ignores those of us who went through hell to overcome all of the obstacles thrown our way by the cheater. It takes the insidious act of infidelity and boils it down to ownership and jealousy.

You just won’t co-parent because you thought you owned him!

No, I don’t co-parent because he moved hundreds of miles away from his children in order to be with his cousin. I don’t co-parent because he abandoned his children- physically, emotionally, and financially whenever he could. And even if he had stuck around and my kids wanted to engage with him I wouldn’t have been inviting him and Harley over for dinner or getting a mani pedi with her. I will be civil if the time ever comes where I must be but we are not friends. I like to think I select a better caliber of friends than those two.

Oh yeah, and fuck you, you pretentious little twit!

This is adulting. Hats off to you for doing the best for the kiddos.

Again, I ask, “Is this the only way a person can “adult”?” Because I kinda thought I was sucking it up and adult-ing when I faced facts and realized I was going to have to leave my home. I thought I was adult-ing when I took a deep breath and had to break the news to my kids that we were going to move. I thought I was adult-ing when I went through the whole house and put stickers on the majority of my possessions in order to sell them, seeing as how I had no house of my own and I had no idea when I would be able to afford one (we’re into year six and still no house for Sam). I thought I was adult-ing when I signed us up for Medicaid because that stupid, selfish bastard left us without insurance. I thought I was adult-ing when I got my kids registered at their new schools. I thought I was adult-ing when I took the first crappy job I was offered in order to pay my bills and then took another one when I realized that the first crappy job only covered my bills and nothing else. I thought I was adult-ing when I showed up to my jobs and for my kids every day despite the fact that I wanted to die and my life sucked huge donkey balls. I thought I was adult-ing when I sat in a chair with a plasma needle in my arm twice a week for four months in order to insure that my kids had a decent Christmas because their dad couldn’t be counted on to pay his support on time and I never knew when he might suddenly modify shit again. I thought I was adult-ing when I filed for divorce, had to hire an expert of my own to combat his PTSD claims, ended up at trial, and endured questioning by his lawyer. I thought I was adult-ing when I raised my kids, paid my daughter’s tuition, got my son psychiatric help, paid for counseling for both of my kids, and was the one who had to deliver all the bad news to my kids each and every time because he was hundreds of miles away living a life of luxury with his gold digging whore of a cousin. Huh- who knew? All I needed to do was sit around a bonfire and have a couple drinks with them. Or babysit their non-existent love child. Maybe offering to watch Harley’s children with The Saint would have sufficed.

THIS IS HOW YOU CO-PARENT THE RIGHT WAY.

All caps.

Is there really a right way? And are we sure this is it?

Look, this doesn’t affect me. My kids are grown. I never had to share. I never had to co-parent. He took off to greener pastures and was never seen again except for a brief appearance at Rock Star’s high school graduation so he would know down to the half hour when to cut off child support. I’m still curious as to why we have set this up as the example to which we should all aspire?

There are real people involved in these situations. People whose lives have been turned upside down and inside out. They are doubting themselves. Some of them are suicidal. Some actually kill themselves.

I can’t imagine anything crueler than telling a person who has just lost their spouse due to infidelity that the true measure of how much they’ve healed, or the litmus test of them being a good co-parent is their ability to stuff their feelings deep down inside and pretend that they are perfectly okay with everything that has happened to them. Go to a Wine and Canvas Night with the mistress! Babysit their love child so they can have a romantic weekend away! Come on- do it for the kids!

Love this! Living example for those kids.

Is it? Are we sure this is what we want to teach our kids? Actions have no consequences. Everyone around you will be told to suck it up so that you suffer no discomfort.

I know I’ve been snarky through most of this but honestly is this the only kind of example we can set for our kids? Are they doomed if mom has airtight boundaries with dad? Are they going to somehow suffer because dad isn’t offering to watch mom’s baby with the other man? Will they need counseling if people aren’t fooled into believing that their parents are still married despite the lying and cheating and devastating end of the marriage?

I kinda feel like I’ve set a pretty good example for my kids. I did hard things. I worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. I’ve been steadily climbing up the job ladder, making better money. I’m hoping I’ve modeled a strong, capable, loving mother and that they’re not thinking, “If only she had been nicer to Harley…”

This is everything… could you imagine how much better kids’ lives would be if we just put our drama and hurt to the side for them? AMAZING PARENTING.

Again with the minimizing of what the betrayed parent goes through. The very words they use minimize what I and many others went through.

If we just put our drama and hurt to the side…

What drama and hurt are you speaking of? Are you talking about when I found out he moved me and my kids 2000 miles across the country for a con? Are you talking about when I lost my house? Or when I had to break the news to my daughter that this beautiful new life she hadn’t wanted and yet she crafted for herself was about to end? Was it when I went on Medicaid? Is that the hurt you’re referring to? Or maybe it was signing my kids up for free lunches and textbooks when previously my biggest worry was when my pool was finally going to be completed. Are you talking about the humiliation of having to move back in with my mom because I couldn’t support my kids? Or the fact that I slept on a couch for 2 years and didn’t have a single inch of this house to call my own? Maybe the hurt you’re talking about was when I realized I was going to have work 2 retail jobs at Christmas if I wanted my kids to actually have a Christmas. Or perhaps it was the year I spent four months with a needle in my arm in order to make sure I had enough money for Christmas. I know I keep bringing that one up but believe me, it made an impression. Or maybe the hurt and drama to which you are referring is being left to deal with my children’s mental health issues all by myself while their father is busy building a new life and new family with someone else- someone a little less taxing. I guess that hurt and drama could even be the financial struggles that my kids and I have gone through since August of 2016. But hey, let’s just push all that pesky “hurt and drama” to the side and get on with the more important things in life- like making sure the cheater looks good to everyone and never has to suffer a single consequence.

I know this may come as a shock to most people but I did not cease to be a person once I gave birth. Oh, my life changed completely. There is no doubt about that. I can’t think of an instance where I put my own wants, or even needs, ahead of my children. Our money went to insure that our children had a good life They wanted for nothing. They had birthday parties to die for. I could have bought a second house for what I paid monthly in gym fees for Rock Star. Nonetheless, I still have feelings. I’m still a human being and I still count.

I get to decide where to draw the line.

I do not need to be best friends with my ex and I certainly do not owe it to the person who chose to insert herself in my marriage to be best friends with her or welcome her into my life in any way.

I wish this is how it could be. But the other side is so selfish it isn’t even funny.

I’m not sure about this one. The person who responded asked, “All up in their own feels?”

Typically, when sane people rant about an awful co-parenting relationship it’s because the other parent is an absolute nightmare. They don’t want to be best friends; they would simply like the other parent to be reasonable and able to have a civil conversation about their shared children. They’re not looking to babysit the affair accomplice’s children. They would just like their ex-spouse to cooperate when it comes to their own children.

So, I’m thinking this is probably one of those people who has done something horrible to their former partner and they’re all caught up in their own feels because the ex is not willing to play that game.

Sorry but no one owes it to you to act the way you want them to once a relationship ends. You control yourself. That’s it.

And this is how you teach your kids.

Teach them what?

You know what I taught my kids (I hope!)? I taught my kids you don’t cheat. I taught my kids that cheating has some pretty big consequences. I’m teaching my daughter not to rely on any man and to make sure she can always support herself. I’m trying to teach both of them to look for reciprocity in their relationships and to stay away from those who only take and never give. I’m hoping I’ve taught them to never make their needs smaller for another person.

What I don’t intend to teach them is how to eat shit. I don’t intend to teach them their feelings don’t matter. I don’t plan on teaching them to stuff every bad thing that happens to them deep down inside because it might upset someone else. And I’m sure as hell not going to teach them they should reach out to their former partner and the affair accomplice and ask to watch their child so they can have a romantic weekend together.

And my absolute favorite: Two women supporting each other and showing the kids just what love looks like!

You think this is two women supporting each other? I’m thinking the time to be supportive would have been before she fucked the other woman’s husband. But I’m funny that way.

We can dress this up like it’s women supporting women but what I see is a woman who is falling all over herself to prove something to the world.

Yes, my husband left me for this woman but we are just the best of buddies now. We’re like sister wives! And I love her child she has with my husband the same as I love my own. You should all try to be like me because I’m so grown up and I do co-parenting right.

Blech! It’s kinda like having someone deliberately run you down with their car and then you insist upon using them as your caregiver and in turn you gush about what an awesome job they’re doing taking care of you.

They ran you down with their car. Taking great care of you is the least they could do. Honestly, they should be in jail, not bringing you soup and magazines and changing your bandages.

This is not two women supporting each other. This is one woman who was perfectly comfortable fucking another woman’s husband, moving in with him, and having a baby with him while the other woman tries to convince herself she’s above all the crap. It’s one woman who was perfectly fine with fucking the other woman’s husband, having a baby with him, and then using the cheated on spouse as convenient childcare. In this case it’s both of the cheated on spouses being tasked with babysitting the cheaters’ child. It’s one woman who takes and takes and takes, and another woman who foolishly gives and gives and gives.

Seriously, what has the mistress given the cheated on wife? Her own cheated on husband? She didn’t give her that. Her children? She didn’t give her them either; she lost custody to her cheated on husband. I bet that if you asked the cheated on wife what the mistress turned girlfriend has done for her the response would be, “Not a damn thing.” Probably followed by some tale of how she didn’t keep score and it wasn’t a tit for tat situation. She just wants to do what’s best for those kids!

Of course I’m sure that it helps that the cheated on woman is now sleeping with the other woman’s ex-husband, living with him, and raising her children because the husband got custody. Hell, maybe she has a nefarious plot to try to wrestle custody of the love child away from her as well.

As I said at the beginning of this post, if you want a relationship like this with the person who tried their damnedest to break you knock yourself out. But if you don’t want a relationship like this? Tell ‘em to fuck off. Don’t let yourself get bullied into believing that this is the only way, or even the best way. You do what works for you.

Can’t You Be Nice To Him…. For the Kids?

Someone wrote about the very strong boundaries she has with her ex-husband. She went so far as to say that she hoped in the upcoming years she could say, “He cheated on me and I never saw or spoke to him again.” I can appreciate that.

As you may expect while many people were cheering her on one person had to ask, “How do you think that’s going to affect your children?” Naturally it must be so difficult for the children to have a mom who won’t suck up to their lying, cheating dad. Throw in a phrase or two about the poor lambs being uncomfortable when the parents aren’t together and how they’ll be forced to choose sides, right along with the requisite story about feuding parents that won’t attend major milestones because of their “bitterness” and “rage”.

Her response could have been my response. Why does it fall to us to once again suck it up? It’s not enough that many times we’re thrust back into the workforce, lose time with our children, work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet, are responsible for everything child related because the fuckwit is off living his (or her) best life, have to handle the divorce, are being dragged through the mud by the lying cheater, and we’re emotionally exhausted and feeling unloved and unworthy. No, on top of all of those other things we’ve been charged with doing we are also under an obligation to make nice with the very person that put us in that situation.

Think of the children? I’m pretty sure that’s what I did when I worked two retail jobs at Christmas. It’s what I did when I got up and went into work at 2 in the morning because we got 2 trucks during the Christmas season. It’s what I did when I was working 14 and 16 hour days to provide my kids with a Christmas because their dad, the one I’m supposed to “work with” and be cordial to, wasn’t sending a single nickel their way. It’s what I did when I continued to work two jobs even after I got hired on full-time because I knew that I didn’t make enough money at the one full-time job. It’s what I did every time I cried on my way to work, wiping my tears before walking in, whether that was into Target at some ungodly hour or a bank branch in those early days. It’s what I did when I went to the plasma center after work twice a week from August through January, just to ensure I wasn’t dependent on the spousal and child support Jerry Lee sent when he felt like it, modifying it to suit his whims (gotta have money for the whore and her kids). That’s what I did every time I had to break the bad news to my kids, every time I held one of them while they cried. It’s what I’ve done while trying to get Picasso the help he needs and Rock Star the help she needs. It’s what I’ve done the entire seven years since I found out about him and Harley. I’ve shown up. I’ve been there. I’ve done the hard jobs. When he walked away I stuck around. And now you want me to smile and play nice with that motherfucker? Because that’s what’s best for the children?

What if what’s best for my kids is seeing their mom establishing healthy boundaries instead of being a doormat? What if what is best for my kids is me telling them that they don’t have to tolerate people treating them badly? That it’s fine to terminate a relationship that is bad for them. What if teaching my kids that I’m a human being and not some robot is what is best for my kids?

These people have already taken so much from us. Why is it our duty to enable them even further?

As I asked, would you be telling someone to smile and be cordial to their ex if that person had pulled a gun on them? Or beat them unconscious? Or abused their children? If not, why not? Must we get to the point where someone is physically attacked before we can legitimately detach from them?

I’m not one of those people who think that children are irreparably damaged because their divorced parents aren’t buddy buddy. I have no problem with someone telling their child: Your relationship with your father is between the two of you. You need to learn to navigate that on your own. But you also need to realize that the relationship I have with your father is mine to navigate. We don’t have similar experiences so we’re not going to view him through the same lens.

And what’s with this pearl clutching at the idea of Mom and Dad not standing side by side at an awards banquet, or graduation, or even a wedding? I don’t know about you but I didn’t talk to everyone at Rock Star’s graduation. When my kids were in elementary school I didn’t talk to everyone at the awards assemblies. When they played sports I didn’t talk to everyone at the sporting event.

I’ve written about Rock Star’s graduation. I gave Jerry Lee the ticket. I was even the person who offered him a ticket via text message, fully expecting he would come back with some venomous reply. My thought process was, “Oh well. His loss. I tried. I did what I thought was right.” Instead, he shocked me and was actually very thankful. He came to my place of employment. I gave him the ticket. There was no big fanfare. We didn’t reminisce. He took the ticket and left. We didn’t sit together at the ceremony, not that she would have known if we did seeing as how she was down with the graduating class and we were up in the stands. Picasso wouldn’t have known either as he was playing down in the orchestra. My mom saw him and was infuriated by the fact he wore a suit. I saw him. Didn’t give a shit about the suit. I sat with a group of 7 others; he sat alone. I took pictures of her and with her and then headed to the restaurant. He came out of the shadows, cried his crocodile tears and made everything about himself. She joined us at the restaurant. He wasn’t invited.

I could be completely wrong although I don’t think I am but none of this seemed to bother my daughter. No scene was made. I doubt anyone in my vicinity was thinking, “Wow- the anger radiating from her is intense!” or, “Golly gee that woman sure is bitter!” And Rock Star wasn’t sobbing hysterically, “Why can’t I have a picture with my mommy AND my daddy? I just want you two to be best friends for one night. Can’t I have that, please?”

You know what did happen though? Aside from his crocodile tears and making it all about himself, of course. He cut child support in half and prorated his support for her down to the half hour when she graduated. When I dared to question him about this and told him this wasn’t correct he told me to read my divorce decree and then called me a cunt because he was forced to recognize that I was right and he was wrong.

Yet there will always be those Pollyanna’s who urge you to put aside all sense of self-preservation in order to take another beating from the person who has already abused you.

No thanks. If ignoring that motherfucker so hard it makes him doubt his own existence is the worst I do to him then he got off easy.

What Is So Difficult About No Contact?

Sometimes I think I must sound like a real cold-hearted bitch. I see so many variations of, “No contact is so hard!” and every time I hear it I think to myself, “How is this difficult? You are being asked to do literally nothing. They tell you to perform open heart surgery? That’s hard. Not talking to someone? That’s easy.”

Of course you’re reading the words of a woman who lived in the same house as her cheating ex-husband and didn’t have more than 3 or 4 conversations in the entire 6 months that this was going on.

I guess for me I intuitively knew that nothing I said was going to mean anything. I knew nothing I said was going to change his mind. He didn’t care about what he was doing to me or to his kids, and like most fuckwits he wouldn’t have believed me even if he said he did care.

I see these people who pour out their hearts to these cheating monsters and all I can think is that they are handing them more ammunition to use against them. They bring up the affair partner. They tell them what a piece of shit they are. They tell them how much they’ve hurt their kids (that one is NEVER believed). They tell them how much they’ve hurt them and remind them of how much they’ve sacrificed and done for them over the years (they don’t care and they don’t appreciate it). They reveal way more than they should; they bare their tender underbelly to the enemy. I’ve said before I was way too proud to ever let Jerry Lee know he hurt me.

He texted me once, shortly after I found out about Harley, and asked me if I was okay. I remember texting back that no, I was not okay, and I proceeded to list all of the reasons I was not okay- starting with him moving all of us across the country and ending with him fucking his whore of a cousin. It was maybe a paragraph. And I ended it by telling him the time to worry about whether or not I was okay was before he did all the shit he did. Don’t worry about me now, bro. I’m prepared to handle this on my own from here on out.

Probably not my finest attempt at no contact or gray rock, but I got better. When I got his sad little missive about me removing all of his memories from our home and destroying all his clothes and us working together for the sake of the children and showing them how vital happiness is for us both… I simply replied that I had not destroyed his clothes; they were in the spare bedroom.

Oh believe me, there was a lot I wanted to say. I even typed it up. Added to it. Posted it here. But I didn’t bother with him. He wouldn’t have read everything I said. I had a sentence, maybe 2 or 3 to get everything across. And all those words would all have been precious kibbles to his ego. I’m sure they would have had a grand time reading it and dissecting my words together.

I get it. The cheater says something stupid or hurtful and the cheated on person feels compelled to make the cheater understand how much they have hurt them. If only you could just get them to see what they’re doing they would be sorry and stop doing it. So you try a dozen different ways to explain the same concept to this person. Because surely it’s a communication problem, right? If they truly understood how what they did was harming you and your precious children they would apologize and stop doing it, right?

Wrong! They get off on your pain. Your pain is delicious, addicting kibbles to them. They love it when you tell them how much pain you’re in because of them. Every time you mention the affair accomplice they get an intoxicating hit. Every time you beg them for help (which they won’t give you) they get another intoxicating hit. Every time you rage at them because they haven’t shown up, or they’ve shoved the affair accomplice in your face, or they’ve done some other douchey thing that fuckwit cheaters like to do, they get the sweet, tantalizing taste of victory kibbles. They matter! They’re central! They are still the sun around which you orbit. They are the most important thing in your life and you will never, ever get over them. This devastation which they wrought upon you will never be overcome.

So stop it! Cut them off. Starve that motherfucker.

And the back and forth arguing? Never argue with a fuckwit. You won’t win because facts and the truth do not matter to these people. Drop the rope. State what you are willing to do once and then shut it down. No answer is an answer. If it’s court worthy say it once and then take the jackass to court. If it’s not court worthy, just regular fuckwit shit either no answer, or if you’re worried about court I’ve got two favorites for you. #1- Noted. #2- Your attempt to portray me in a negative has been noted. Or you can go for #3 which is simply a thumbs up.

Finally, you need to reach deep inside and let go of this need to be liked and/or respected by the cheater. So often people ask how they can prevent them from trying to drag them through the mud, say horrible things about them, outright lie about them, and so on. Or the ever popular, “He says…”

Who gives a fuck what he says? He’s a lying, cheating sack of shit. You can trust exactly 0% of what he says.

He says if I go after child support I’m bitter and confrontational and that shows I’m only concerned about myself and not our child.

That’s nice. He also said he was going fishing with his best friend when in reality he was fucking a whore behind your back.

He says he’ll do the right thing by me and take care of me but we can’t involve lawyers.

He also promised to be faithful. How did that work out for you?

I don’t want him to say bad things about me.

He’s already saying bad things about you.

I feel like if I fight for what’s mine everyone in his family is going to think I’m greedy.

And? Honey, that’s his family. Chances are very great that even if they say you’ll always be a part of their family they don’t mean it. You look out for you and stop worrying about what everyone else is saying or thinking.

He’s telling everybody I cheated on him and I think they believe him.

Sweetie, find your tribe. The people in your tribe aren’t going to believe that shit because they know you. They know the truth. Those people that believe him? They aren’t your tribe.

I know that Jezebel will back her brother no matter what. I know she thinks I’m crazy and that he deserved so much better. And you know what? I don’t care. I do not give one single shit about her opinion of me.

I know that Blockhead fed him information and undoubtedly thinks I’m a horrible person. Rolls right off my back. Don’t care. From what The Saint said he and his wife have sucked up quite nicely to Harley. Again, don’t care. They are not people I would ever want in my life. Jerry Lee and Harley can have them.

I would be willing to bet that absolutely everyone that Jerry Lee has told his story to during and after our divorce has been led to believe that I am the most horrible, greediest, selfish bitch out there. I’m sure he tells them all I drug him back to court and siphoned money I don’t deserve out of him so that I can spend it all on my boyfriend. Undoubtedly there is a group of people out there who think I’m a horrible person. I know this will shock you but I don’t care. I do not have two fucks to give. I don’t know those people and I don’t care what they think about me.

The people that I do know? Well, if they really think I’m that person then I’m glad they’re out of my life. I think too often people want to “win them all.” You can’t.

The best gift you can give yourself is to trust that they suck. Once you honestly believe that it gets so much easier. Once you stop arguing with them, explaining to them, begging them, relying them on and you drop that rope it gets so much easier. Let them argue with themselves. Remove yourself from the equation. They’re not your monkeys, not your circus.

Cheating In An Open Relationship, Part 2

I’m on a roll so I may as well keep going.

This is from a Newsweek “article” that explores Reddit threads. This is a new one though. It’s called TrueOffMyChest and not the usual AmITheAsshole.

Unsurprisingly, 52 percent of Ashley Madison members think that society would benefit from normalizing non-monogamy. 60 percent believed the divorce rate would drop, while 50 percent felt there would be less pressure to meet a partner’s sexual needs.

Oh, Ashley Madison members think this? Well, it must be true then! I know I base all of my decisions and thoughts off of people who sign up online to defraud their partners.

I’ll bite. So 52% of you think society as a whole would benefit from normalizing non-monogamy and 60% of you think the divorce rate would drop? Hmmm… why is that? Is it because you once again place the onus of infidelity on the faithful spouse who doesn’t want to “share”? You think that being allowed to have sex with other people suddenly makes all the lies and deceit go away? You wouldn’t have to be slithering around a website, using a username, and meeting up behind your spouse’s back if only you had free reign to hump anything that moved?

Interesting. I think the woman from the previous would disagree.

And then along comes the writer who tells her tale. A year ago her husband told her he was no longer physically attracted to her (definitely a her issue) and he wanted to open their marriage. Not sure if this is important to the story, but it does note the couple hadn’t had sex in almost five years, since their youngest child was born.

The husband assures his wife that he loves her “more than anything in the world” and tells her that the rest of the relationship is perfect but he has to have sex or he’s going to go crazy.

Surprisingly, the wife does not toss him out on his ass. Instead, she asks questions. What is his definition of an open marriage? What are the rules, if any? They discuss it for several weeks and eventually the wife agrees to it. The rules are as follow: 1) They won’t bring new partners to their home, 2) They will always use protection, and 3) They will keep each other up to date with who they are with and where they are.

Pretty simple, right? Nothing outrageous. The wife didn’t even have a list of people who were off limits. No: Don’t fuck my sister. Don’t fuck my boss. Don’t see anybody more than two times.

In this case, they didn’t even have an, “I have to be there and participate, too,” rule. They were what I like to call free range open marriage. Some couples prefer to play together and can’t imagine doing it any other way while others, like this couple, opt to have encounters away from their primary partner.

Within a week the husband was meeting new women, showing his wife their pictures, and being gone most nights. Meanwhile, the wife is at home taking care of their kids and as she put it, “feeling like shit.” To her credit, she decided she needed to give it time instead of pulling the plug on this experiment.

The wife goes on to explain that she needs to feel a connection to her sexual partners. She eventually begins to flirt with a co-worker. The co-worker reciprocates. She tells him about the arrangement she has with her husband. The co-worker, after giving it some thought, decides he’s okay with it and agrees to meet up with her.

Wife goes home, asks her husband (who, remember, is out banging everything in sight) if he is doing anything on Friday. Husband says no, she tells him about the co-worker and shows him a picture. Tells him she’s meeting up with this guy on Friday. Husband was silent.

Interesting development. He loved an open marriage when he was the one showing pictures and meeting up with various women while the little wife stayed home and took care of his progeny. Now he’s a little hushed. Interesting.

To no one’s shock Friday rolls around and the husband texts to let the wife know he’s stuck at work and couldn’t watch the kids. I’m sure it was just a one off. But no! The story continues… This happened for several weeks. Wife’s supposed to meet up with co-worker. Husband is stuck at work. No one to watch the progeny. How does this keep happening?

Finally, after being annoyed that her plans must continually be canceled due to her husband’s sudden heavy workload the wife begins to think outside the box. We shall meet for lunch. She schedules a nooner.

The wife writes that it was amazing and she had missed this so much. She felt desired and lusted after. It was perfect.

You know who wasn’t happy? Her husband. Mr. Let’s Open The Marriage himself. He was livid! He insisted she had broken a rule by not telling him beforehand. The wife replied that she had told him and that he had known for weeks that she was trying to make time to meet up with this guy. I hope she pointed out also that she would have met him far earlier if not for husband’s unfortunate job responsibilities making it impossible for him to be home to watch their children.

He gives her the silent treatment for the rest of the night and then wakes her up in the middle night for sex. Rude! The writer goes on to say they had sex 3 times that night and they have had sex every night since.

Conveniently the husband is now attracted to her again and he believes that they need to close the marriage again.

Again, interesting.

I’m being facetious when I say it’s amazing how often they want an open marriage until they realize that you, too, get to fuck around. Then it’s not so much fun.

The commenters had a lot to say:

Read this story so many times. Husband suggests open marriage to get a free pass to screw around, at the end, wife finds out she liked the arrangement, husband is furious. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

He wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. He actively did things to avoid having you go out and meet J but he was able to go out and do whoever, whenever.

Your husband didn’t want an open relationship. He wanted to be able to screw around.

Sadly, another commenter notes: I hate to tell you this but I don’t think there’s a lot of options for your relationship long term.

I will say once again, louder for those in the back, these two posts have not been about whether open relationships are good or bad. They have been about the hypocrisy of people advocating for an open relationship when in reality what they want is an open license to fuck around. They say they want an open relationship and that monogamy isn’t natural (neither is shitting indoors and flushing a toilet but I don’t hear anyone complaining about that) but what they really want is the ability to go out and fuck around while the partner remains at home- cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, maybe even bringing home the paycheck. Yes, I know. Not all couples in an open relationship feel that way. Perfectly aware of that. But there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people out there who use open relationships/polyamory as their get out of jail free card. Honestly, I think those who are polyamorous should be more upset with those people for distorting it than with me for pointing out that polyamory and open relationships isn’t a cure all for infidelity.

I think this final comment from someone on that thread pretty much sums it up:

You see, the problem is that a lot of the posts recently are failed relationships or failing marriages that resort to poly or open relationships to fix their problems. Shockingly, it rarely works.

Cheating In An Open Relationship, Part 1

A little over a year ago I wrote a post about Willow Smith discussing polyamory on her mother’s Red Table talk show. For the record, I am not polyamorous; I would not do well at all in a relationship like that and I know that about myself. I have known people who were in open relationships. Were being the operative word. Through them I have heard other stories of open relationships. Because, you know, if you’re in an open relationship you typically meet up and play with others in open relationships.

I’ve said before and I will say it again, I don’t care if you have an open relationship. As long as you both know you’re in an open relationship and no one has been coerced into it you go right ahead and have as many partners as you’d like. By coerced I mean those who are doing this because they feel the only way to keep their relationship is to agree to it. You hear a lot of cheaters suddenly claim to be poly when they’re caught and then they tell their blindsided spouses that the only way the marriage can be saved is if they agree to an open marriage. Not cool.

I want to be EXTREMELY clear that my whole beef with Willow was her idea that if you are enlightened enough to open your relationship and be with multiple people you will prevent divorce, more specifically, divorce due to infidelity. These are not my words. These are her words. She says at one point, and I’m going to paraphrase this because I’m not looking the interview up again, that she’s done a lot of research and a lot of marriages end because of infidelity. The theory seems to be that if you eliminate monogamy then you eliminate infidelity and you eliminate most divorce.

Just as I’ve been told by those who are poly that they get so tired of hearing that the world presents as though you can only have monogamy or cheating I’m a little tired of hearing people say that polyamorous relationships are a magical elixir that eliminate cheating.

If you were to believe that then you discount the idea that cheating is about entitlement and shitty character. That way of thinking actually once again makes cheating all about sex. It puts the onus of infidelity right back on the person who was betrayed. The cheated on spouse wasn’t meeting the other person’s needs.

I wrote back then that being able to fuck multiple people will not stop a cheater from cheating because cheating is not just about having sex with another person. It’s about lying and deceiving and having a power imbalance.

About a month ago a woman posted on a support forum I’m a part of. She was livid. And hurt. She had just found out her husband had cheated. When I say just found out I’m talking like maybe four days earlier she had discovered this. She goes on to say, and again- her words, that what makes this even worse is that they are in the lifestyle; they have an open relationship. This woman her husband cheated with (let’s call her Tiffany) was a woman who was supposed to come over and play with them later that week. Instead the husband met up with Tiffany on his own and fucked her in the woman’s new house that was being renovated. Tiffany then canceled on them. I don’t recall exactly how the woman found out but to say she was unhappy was an understatement. She went on to say that her husband was allowed to have sex with anyone he wanted but the agreement was she was there, too, and they did it together.

When I say that couples in open relationships still have rules I am not pulling this out of my ass. I may not know what each individual couple’s rules are but I know that almost all of them have them. When you break those rules, you have cheated. Just ask that woman. She was furious with him. She was hurt by him, and she absolutely felt betrayed by him, open relationship or not. She is not agreeing that because she let her husband have sex with other women that he is entitled to do so behind her back. There is a rule there. You can have sex with other women but I get to join in. He broke that rule. She absolutely labeled it as cheating and she was astonished that he would do such a thing, especially when he had unfettered access to any woman he wanted.

So we’re back full circle to: Cheating is not about the shitty relationship and it’s not about what the cheated on spouse did or didn’t do; cheating is about entitlement and shitty character. And polyamory isn’t going to save you from that.

Wife: You can have sex with any woman you want. My only rule is that I want to join in. We do this together as a couple.

Husband: You’re not the boss of me! I’m going to have sex with any woman I want and I’m going to do it on my terms. I’m going to call her up and have her meet me at our new house and I’m going to fuck her on every piece of furniture and every single room in that house and you’re not going to have a clue it happened. When she cancels on us you’re going to think it just didn’t work out. for some reason but I’ll know the truth. I pulled one over on you and fucked her without your knowledge. And the best part is every time you walk into our kitchen or sit on that sofa you’ll have no idea what happened there, but I’ll vividly recall fucking another woman there.

This particular husband was an entitled ass. It was not about his wife not meeting his needs. It was not about monogamy not being natural. Hell, he wasn’t even being expected to be monogamous. He had a gorgeous wife who was willing to let him have sex with any other woman- so long as she got to participate, too. This was not enough for him. He wanted a gorgeous, hot wife, he wanted to enjoy having sex with other women, AND he wanted to do it behind his wife’s back.

She went on to question how many of the other women who canceled on them had actually met up with her husband separately beforehand.

It’s not about monogamy versus non-monogamy. It’s about entitled jackasses. Polyamory is not going to fix that. That woman’s husband is a prime example.

It wasn’t enough that her husband was going to fuck Tiffany on Saturday while engaging in a threesome with his wife. No, he wanted to fuck Tiffany without his wife having a clue. Fucking Tiffany in front of his wife wasn’t nearly as hot as fucking her behind his wife’s back. An open relationship, which this woman apparently readily agreed to, didn’t save her from infidelity. Her husband still broke the rules, and in doing so broke her heart.

Another Married Until You’re Divorced Question

Disclaimer: For the purpose of this post I’m only talking about people who are married. For reasons that will be abundantly clear I’m not including people who are living together in long term relationships or even couples that have a longterm relationship but aren’t living together. I just can’t cover that many scenarios. Sorry!

I’m on a support group where the topic of dating comes up quite frequently so as you may guess I am quite frequently deluged with messages from well meaning pearl clutchers who insist that any dating done before the divorce is final is cheating and you (or the person you are dating) is no better than the cheater.

It made me wonder. They so often tsk, tsk, “Not divorced yet is still married.”

“Separated is not divorced. It’s still married.”

“Your soon-to-be-ex is still your husband.”

Does that mean if you’re engaged to someone they can’t cheat on you until after the wedding? You find out your husband to be fucked a hooker at his bachelor party. Or, you find out he hooked up with his ex constantly until the wedding day. Or maybe you find out that he would pick up women all the time on weekends out with his friends. None of this is cheating, right? You’re not married. You’re only engaged. Married is married.

People will often talk about finding out their spouse has been cheating on them throughout their entire marriage and many times they say they discovered their spouse had been cheating on them the entire time they were dating. How is that possible? They weren’t married.

I mean, if separated or in the process of a divorce equals still married, then shouldn’t engaged, and certainly only dating pre-engagement, count as not married? And if you should remain faithful to your lying cheater until those divorce papers come through then I don’t think it’s right to expect faithfulness when you’re not married yet. You know, if marriage is that great barometer of who is cheating and who isn’t.

I just find it slightly funny that everything that happens within a relationship, regardless of marital status, can be seen as cheating because of the commitment you’ve made to the other person. I think most people would label the act of your live-in boyfriend picking up another woman at a bar and going back to her place for sex cheating. Or your husband to be having sex with a hooker at his bachelor party. Why?

Because you two have a commitment. Doesn’t matter that you’re not married. Doesn’t matter that you’re not even engaged. You two had an agreement that you would be faithful. So marriage or no marriage that agreement should take precedence.

And yet for some reason that logic doesn’t seem to work for others in reverse. When it comes to ending a relationship the commitment goes out the window and it’s only the ink on those papers that matters

Anchor, Rock; Rock, Anchor

A woman had written a letter to Chump Lady. She was five months pregnant. It had been a very rough pregnancy, with morning sickness, bleeding, acid reflux, UTIs, and an infection which could endanger the baby and will require IV antibiotics for the mom during and following labor. She goes on to say that she works full-time as she is the breadwinner. And she’s only missed two days of work despite all the problems she’s experienced during this pregnancy! On top of that she just found out that their landlord is selling the home they currently live in. Meanwhile, her boyfriend is whining about not getting enough blow jobs and he announces he is going to go see a prostitute in order to “get his needs met.” Actually, per the letter, dickhead left the house and upon returning let her know that he had been “seen to” by the prostitute and was now “satisfied” for the time being.

Thankfully the letter writer realized that this was unacceptable and she could no longer be in a relationship with him. The hump she was having a hard time getting over though was how to disentangle herself from this man she considered “her rock” and life partner.

That’s when Chump Lady framed it another way:  He is NOT your rock. He’s an anchor.

Wow! Mic drop. How many people out there can relate to that? We think this person we’re going through life with has our back. This person is our rock, our safety, our savior, our person.

It’s only once we go no contact and get away from that relationship that we can see the truth. They never had our back. They were never a full partner. They were never safe. They were never in our corner. They were not a rock. They were an anchor.

Tethered to them we begin to sink. Many times we don’t even realize we’re being pulled under. Without them we grow wings. We accomplish things we never thought were possible. Don’t let them convince you they’re a rock when they’re really an anchor. Soar; don’t sink.

Should You Share Your Inheritance With the Mistress?

I came across this gem recently: Husband cheats on wife. Leaves her for the mistress. Then he dies at age 48 and leaves his ex-wife everything. Mistress is pissed. I shall elaborate.

The “man” cheated on his wife when she was four months pregnant after more than ten years of marriage. It was only when he asked for a divorce and then had his lawyer order her out of their apartment that she found out about the mistress. Over the years the ex-husband attempted to reach out to her several times, including after she had a miscarriage with their child. When he found out he was terminally ill he reached out again but she wisely refused to see him even though this was his “last wish.” Boo hoo.

Despite her refusal to see him, and despite the fact that the woman had remarried and had two children with her current husband, the ex-husband left her everything. He even wrote her a letter that he included with his will where he stated he had never stopped loving or thinking about her, and in his mind, she was still his wife.

Oh really? Still loved her and thought about her even while you were banging your mistress? Did your affair accomplice know you were still pining for your former wife? Did she know she was still fucking a married man in your eyes because you were still married to your ex? Did that keep everything fresh and exciting with her because you could convince yourself you were still cheating on your wife and your side whore was still just an option, not your only option?

Side question: How did your mistress feel about the fact that you weren’t willing to marry her?

I wish I could feel bad for him but I don’t. Plus, he’s dead so he doesn’t even know I don’t feel bad for him.

Sad sausage goes on to write to his ex-wife that he never got over the loss of their child (the one you abandoned when she was four months pregnant?) and felt responsible for causing the miscarriage. Leaving her his money was his way of making amends.

The relationship with the mistress lasted 8 years and at 33, Little Miss Homewrecker has been left with nothing. Doing the math it seems a really stupid 25 year old got involved with a 40 year told and thought she was going to live a life of luxury. And then he died and left everything to his ex-wife. Including the apartment the mistress currently lives in.

Excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

Naturally the mistress is not happy about this. I mean, if she was willing to steal the wife’s husband do you really think she wants to let the wife keep all of his money? Oh no! She’s threatening to contest the will if the ex-wife doesn’t give her a portion of it.

Oh, the inheritance? Comes out to $1.3 million.

In addition to all this fun, the woman’s ex in-laws are also pressuring her to “be fair and share the money”. According to them the mistress will end up homeless and on the streets if the ex-wife won’t share. Because, you know, the ex-wife also got the apartment.

Hey, dumbasses, she already shared her husband with the dumb bitch. She didn’t get a choice in that decision. She can, however, choose not to share her inheritance.

Also, I’m sure the mistress will land on her back. She’ll find some other poor married sucker and leach off of him.


At the end of the article it asks, “Is the author entirely justified to keep the full inheritance that her ex-husband purposely left her, even if it means his girlfriend of 8 years gets nothing? Or should the author be kinder to the girlfriend, who just lost her partner, and share a portion of the wealth with her?

Oh. For. The. Love. Be kinder to the woman who fucked your husband behind your back? Be kinder to the whore who came in and wrecked your marriage and your life? Do you think the mistress was urging her lover to share a portion of his income with the wife he left behind for her? How kind do you think the mistress was to the wife when she lost her baby? Do you think the mistress even thought for one minute that maybe her actions had contributed to that?

The ex-wife went on to say that once her husband left her for the mistress the mistress quit college, never worked a day in her life, and basically lived off of her lover. Too bad he died young.

Maybe she should have a heart to heart with the grieving girlfriend. After all, she could sympathize. I imagine it might go something like this: Oh, Whore, I feel for you. What you’re going through now must feel an awful lot like what I went through when I was four months pregnant and found out my husband was fucking you. You must be as devastated now, finding out he blindsided you and left you with nothing, as I was back then when he blindsided me and torpedoed our life together for a life of cheap sex with you. I guess you could say he left me with nothing as well back then and gave you everything. Don’t forget that I, too, know what it’s like to be betrayed by him. The only difference, of course, is that you helped him betray me. I didn’t do anything to you. You go right ahead and contest that will. You don’t have a leg to stand on and I’m not giving you a single red cent.

Thankfully the mistress is still young. She could play this one of two ways. Way #1 she actually gets off her ass and gets a job and works for what she wants. My guess is that will not appeal to the gold digger. So again, thankfully she is still young because way #2 involves finding some other sucker to support her. Maybe the next one won’t come down with a terminal illness.

If I were the woman I’d tell both the gold digging girlfriend and the asinine ex in-laws to fuck all the way off. And when they had fucked all the way off they could keep going and fuck off some more. They could keep fucking off until they fucking died.

Keep that money, honey! He left it to you to assuage his guilt. He was probably hoping to buy his way into Heaven. If he had wanted the whore to have it he would have left it to her. Use that money to make your life better and easier.

One last tip- don’t co-mingle the inheritance with marital funds. Keep it as yours, and yours alone.

Jeez Louise, Not This Bullshit Again

I want you to read this and soak it all in.

I present to you Exhibit H or J or whatever letter we’re up to by now. I’m going to say it louder for those in the back: Cheating is not about problems in the marriage. It is not about a partner’s shortcomings- what they did or didn’t do that made the cheater sad. It is about entitlement. It is about shitty character.

How dare this buffoon tell a woman whose life has just imploded thanks to her husband’s wandering dick to not leave her cheating husband? DO NOT leave him because of this. This? This what? This is so nebulous. Can’t quite put my finger on it. What is this “this” you speak of? Cheating? Disrespect? Dishonesty? Disloyalty? Abuse? Financial destruction? Abandonment? Endangering her life? Let’s name it. Which one of these shitty values that her husband is bringing to the relationship should she overlook? All of them? Because hey, we’re just men. We have dicks and we have to put them somewhere. Anywhere! It could be anyone. Nothing personal.

He knows it hurts (then why do it?) but he wants us women to know we HAVE to stop ending marriages over it. Who’s going to go grocery shopping for him? Who will cook his dinner? Who will do his laundry and put his clothes away? Who will take care of his kids? Who will be the handy wife appliance that buys gifts for his family and plans vacations and holidays? Who? Have you women any idea what you’re doing with your uppity plans to end a marriage over a little thing like adultery?

Let’s be rational adults. I’ll give you a list of things that you can work on so that I’m not forced to cheat. You’ll forget all about this tiny little indiscretion and if you don’t forget, at least agree to never bring it up again. We’ll go back to things being just like they were before except you’ll keep dancing pretty for me to keep me entertained so I don’t go searching for new snatch. But we both know that’s not going to happen because men are hard wired to cheat. And meanwhile, I get to keep the convenience of a wife, I don’t have to share custody of my kids, and I don’t have to give you any of my money. It’s a win/win when you think about it.

Seriously, how dare you women keep ending marriages over this which is in men’s nature? Divorcing us because we’re not faithful? Have you lost your mind, women? How dare you demand better? How dare you stick up for yourselves? How dare you desire more than crumbs that are left over? Next thing you know you’re going to want to be able to vote and have your own line of credit! Who let you have your own bank account again? And when will they finally stop hiring you? You women get jobs and earn your own money and the next thing you know you’re going to stop putting up with our shit! Ummm…..

I love how he speaks for ALL MEN. ALL MEN want to have sex with multiple women and only 10% of all straight men get to. I don’t know where he’s getting his statistics. I’m not even sure what that means. I do know if I were a man I would be pretty pissed off at this jackass assuming that because I have a penis I must want to sleep around on my wife.

He trots out the tried and true, “Men and women are NOT the same.” Yes, women only cheat when they’re madly in love or things are bad at home. Men though they’ll fuck anything. Any time. They’re just different that way. Men can have sex with ten different women and come home to you, his loving wife, because sex with Ashley, and Brittany, and Heather, and Jessica, and Allison, and Hope, and Destiny and those others didn’t mean anything. And hey, he’s home, shoving the food you lovingly prepared into his gaping piehole. Aren’t you the luckiest? Yes, he goes off and fucks all of those other women but you’re the one that gets to do his laundry, cook his meals, clean his house, and baby his pathetic ass when he gets sick.

Again he instructs DO NOT end things if the girl means nothing and it was just sex. Because again, sharing his dick with every woman out there is no big deal. STDs are things they made up in fairy tales. No woman has ever been killed by a jealous mistress. And who doesn’t want to share her man with every woman in town? It’s a dream for so many of us.

Also, men are only as faithful as their options. Hmmm… why is it that women are not only as faithful as their options? I hear a whole lot of stories of women putting up with endless amounts of bullshit and they’re not out there cheating even if they’re propositioned. I don’t think it’s a wiring issue.

This jackass does a disservice to the entire male population.

Your husband is faithful? Yeah, he’s probably just not able to fuck anybody else. As soon as he starts to work with a bunch of hot women he’s going to be cheating like everybody else. Just wait and see.

I do think it’s easier to be faithful when you don’t have temptation staring you in the face all the time. But there have been plenty of men who seek out opportunities and plenty of men that have many opportunities but don’t cheat. I don’t think anyone would have said that Jerry Lee had women falling all over him. His mom and sister both said he spent weekends reading encyclopedias. His own daughter said if I ever left him he would be alone forever. He was not what one would call a player. He didn’t have multiple opportunities. Yet he still cheated.

I think what you were trying to say, Sir, is, “Men are only as faithful as their character is good. Men who feel entitled to a pussy buffet are only as faithful as their options.”

My favorite part though was when he stated: Please, for the love of the God you got married in front of, do not ends things because he did what’s in his nature to do.

For the love of the God you got married in front of? You mean that same God that says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery?” I’m pretty sure it’s not, “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless you’re a man because let’s face it I designed him to be a man whore who can’t control himself.” I haven’t been to church in a while so maybe that’s the newer version and I just don’t know. Apologies in advance if that’s the case.

It’s amazing how taking vows in front of God is supposed to be so important to the woman that she is expected to overlook her husband cheating on her. Because all men do it; that’s their nature. And yet, taking those same vows, the ones that presumably mention forsaking all others, in front of that same God mean absolutely nothing to the man in the same relationship. Interesting.

This is the definition of cake eating. In this case it’s the man getting to fuck everything that strikes his fancy while his wife dutifully cleans and cooks for him, takes care of him and their children, acts as the liaison between him and his family, and has sex with him while never attempting to shame him or make him stop his whoring behavior. In fact, if she should do something so audacious as divorcing him he will promptly tell her why she should not do this. Because nature.

For the last time, it is not in a “man’s nature” to cheat. It is in an entitled fuckwit’s nature to cheat. Entitled fuckwits don’t make good partners.

Hey, you know what should be in a woman’s nature? Kicking entitled fuckwits’ asses to the curb! Boy bye!

Six Years Ago Today

Time flies when you’re having fun. Six years ago today I had my U-Haul packed up and I loaded my two kids and the three dogs into our multiple vehicles and headed off towards Indiana. My brother drove the U-Haul and took Picasso with him. My mom had her own car, although I’m not sure if Rock Star drove with her or me. I’m fairly confident I had all of the dogs.

I remember crying as I drove out of the neighborhood. It was not supposed to be like this; however, with Jerry Lee basically getting fired and deciding that he wasn’t going to go back to work anytime soon, I didn’t have much of a choice. Even if I started working right away I wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage, even if that’s the only thing I paid each month.

I remember pulling into my mom’s driveway, going into the house, and thinking, “Now what?”

Now shit would get real. I had to enroll kids in school. I had to apply for Medicaid because this was back when you were fined for not having insurance. I had to apply for free lunches and textbooks. I had to find a job, which would end up taking three months. I would end up getting hired on at the bank in another month but wouldn’t start until January.

Six years. Huh. I suppose a lot has changed in those six years. I made it through the divorce. I made it through working two jobs. I met the mobster. I finally have a bed and a bedroom of my own. I finally have a job where I make a decent amount of money instead of crossing my fingers each month that Jerry Lee will pay his support in full and not modify it yet again. I finally have a kick ass legal agreement that puts Jerry Lee in jail if he fails to pay. Rock Star will soon graduate and will be fully launched by this time next year. Picasso is working on it.

And while this happens EVERY year today is also National Cheesecake Day. If you live close to a Cheesecake Factory you can go in and get yourself a slice of cheesecake. I think it was free, but it may be half price now. You can’t get carry out but you don’t need to order anything other than the cheesecake in the restaurant. Go get yourself some cheesecake! Make this day a happy one!