Huh… So This Happened 8 Years Ago Today

I came across this tonight.

Just to be clear the original post was simply about setting Jerry Lee up on Facebook. I added the rest of that a few years later. 🙂

We were in Kentucky for Easter when I did this. Staying with Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake. He had resisted forever and I thought it would be funny to create a profile for him. In hindsight I don’t think funny was the correct word. Tragic. Life changing. Foolish. Let’s go with a moment in time that irrevocably changed the course of my life and the lives of my children. But that’s not all!

This was the same weekend that Jezebel took Jerry Lee to meet her future husband, #3. Completely excluded me. Gave me a bullshit story about how they never got to do anything just the two of them. I was stupid enough to believe that. He was already lying and I hadn’t a clue.

By April or May of the next year, 2013, Jerry Lee was cheating on me with Harley. In May, Mother’s Day weekend in fact, he admitted to texting her and swore he would end it. In June, Jezebel and #3 got married. Good ol’ Jerry Lee went by himself to the wedding. By himself I mean without his wife and children. I’m fairly certain that they met up that weekend. They certainly had plans to. They were even going to get tattoos together. And in August I found out he hadn’t ended it with Harley after all.

This time of year in 2014 we were replacing carpet and flooring in our Utah home as we prepared to move across the country to Virginia. Two months later we would buy a home in Harrisonburg and three months later we, the kids and I, would make the move and join Jerry Lee.

This time of year in 2015 I was suicidal. My gut was screaming at me but I continued to bury my head in the sand. Surely he wouldn’t move us across the country, invest all the money we had invested in this new life, and then turn around and take up with Harley again. Oh, but he would. Almost four months to the day I would find out about his affair with Harley.

Eight years ago today I ended my life as I knew it. I had no clue at that moment what I had just done.

 

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Some days you’ve just got to lighten up. Picasso is always cracking me up so I thought I’d share this little ditty with you. Incidentally, this isn’t really a ditty. A ditty is a short song or jingle. There is no music to this but it is short and to the point.

Also, this is the last of my Blasts From the Past. 

January 2016

Picasso’s thought of the day:  The sun is being a dick!  Me:  Yep, that’s the sun alright.  It’s just a big ol’ dick.

He later tells me he hates Sundays because everything is closed.

Me:  What is closed?  Everything is open besides Chick-Fil-A and Hobby Lobby.  Are you jones-ing for a chicken sandwich while you go buy some craft supplies?  Oh, shit, I want to do some crafts today but Hobby Lobby is closed.  Now I have to go to Michael’s instead!

2015 Wrap Up

December 2015

Apparently my dumbass didn’t go to work yesterday either.  Now I’m beginning to wonder if he brought the whore up to our current state with him for these four days and he’s leaving the car with her.  I don’t know why he would since she doesn’t know her way around.  Kind of bizarre to think she’d drive him to work and then take the car on home.  It’s tempting to have someone go ring the doorbell and see if he answers the door or if she does.  Anyway….

I’ve decided to do my 2015 wrap up today instead of waiting until tomorrow.

As you might imagine 2015 has SUCKED!  I am seriously wracking my brain to think of a year that has sucked more than this one.  I think my senior year of high school might be a close second but that actually occurred over two years.  And I was a hell of a lot younger and able to absorb the blows.

So let’s start at the beginning.  2015 began with my loving husband starting his downward spiral.  Lots of drinking.  Lots of crying.  Lots of “PTSD” symptoms.  Thank you, American Sniper.  You gave him a narrative.  He ended up hospitalized towards the end of the month due to some sort of a bug.  That was the infamous, “She was making fun of me when I was DYING!” episode, despite the fact that I had never done any such thing and had instead sat by his side and kissed his ass as usual.  Apparently I didn’t grovel well enough.

The following month he ramped up the crazy, with lots of texts to his manipulative sister and probably his jackass “best friend”, frequent visits from the pastor of a church we had attended ONE time, still much drinking and crying, and then SURPRISE!!!! let’s add in a visit to the psych ward after suicidal ideations.  I got to spend HOURS in an empty ER room with him (because they remove EVERYTHING from the room when a person is suicidal) while trying to coordinate care of my two kids who were at school at this time.  Then I would drive to the hospital every day for the two hours of visitation that were allowed each day.  I brought him magazines and books and gum; I advocated for him.  I called him each day.  MY family all came to visit while his family (with the exception of one sister) all called him from the comfort of their own homes.  Incidentally, his family all live a minimum of 4 hours closer to us than my family does.  My mother drove 13 hours to come see him- at his request!  Why?  Because my family was more of a family to him than his own.  Of course it was, asshole; that’s why when Harley reappeared you turned to your own morally bankrupt family.

He came home and there weren’t many changes made.  He continued to hang out upstairs in the bedroom.  Refused to hang out with us in any of the main areas of the house.  Hell, I can recall asking him if he wanted to sit out on the enclosed porch with me and he shook his head, telling me he felt more comfortable upstairs in the bedroom.

March and April there was more of the same.  The migraines started back up again in late March/early April.  That’s a fun 2 week period where he’s basically bed ridden with a succession of migraines.  I’m taking him to the doctor’s for medication, trying to keep everything quiet and calm for him so he can sleep.  Once those are finally done he continues to have breakdowns.  Like, need to leave the restaurant, crying in public, breakdowns.  All of which his kids think he faked for sympathy and to justify why he did what he ended up doing.

His best friend showed up in April.  I think this is probably the time my dear, traitorous MIL encouraged Harley to call and offer him a blow job.  Oh, I’m sorry- encouraged her to call him to “cheer him up” since he was “so sad”.

My own state of mind at this time was not good.  I was still trying to adjust to this move.  I cried a lot.  Hell, I even taped messages for my friends and family to be played for them after my body was found.  THAT’S how desperate I was at that point.  I even said I thought he was messing around with her again.  Of course, the money didn’t start disappearing until June but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t begin up again sooner.  It may have taken him a few weeks before he decided to support his whore.  I was beginning to give up on just about everything.  I had written I was done with decorating and I was going to cancel the pool.

But I persevered, something Cousinfucker couldn’t do.  I signed the contract; I kept decorating.  I continued to deal with all the shit he shoveled my way, putting up with his moods, his anxiety, his breakdowns.  I made his damn appointments for him and went along with him.  I STILL found instances of him throwing me under the bus and it would infuriate me.  Accusing me of only staying for the money.  Of never checking on him.  Of hating him.  Of me leaving him alone to cry in the bedroom.  Poor, poor sad sausage.  Get your story out there, baby.  Let everyone know how mistreated and abused you are.

May passed with construction on the pool finally beginning.  Probably one of the few bright spots in the year.  That’s also the month he brought up purchasing phones for his “mom and stepdad”.  So generous of him.

Most of June the kids and I were gone visiting family and friends.  He was definitely fucking around with Harley then.  And lying to my face about what he was doing. He opted out of celebrating Rock Star’s birthday with her because “he didn’t want to ruin it for her”.  Yeah, right.  June was a fairly decent month for me, though.  I was happy to see family and watch as Queen B graduated and be able to celebrate that with her.  I was happy to get back to my former state and see all of our friends, go to some of our favorite places like the reservoir and the varied restaurants we no longer got to frequent.  I stayed in pretty constant contact with my philandering asshole.  I sent text messages.  I occasionally called.  I would send pictures if I went shopping and was going to buy something.  Oh, he was so complimentary.  Telling me I looked so good, so sexy.  He’s such a liar.

We got back home right before July.  Again, he opted out of the birthday dinner for Picasso.  Nice.  I seem to recall a lot of sex, or at least messing around, before he decided he just didn’t think he could ever get it up again and he didn’t want me to try because he didn’t want confirmation of it.  Nicely done, Asshole!  I’m still not sure Harley was on board with you messing around with me twice a day, though.

Of course, he declined to go on our family vacation with us.  Too stressful.  And then he drove to his “business meeting” after being coached by me and his therapist (fucking asshole- him, not the therapist) and onward to his home state where he definitely hooked up with Harley and fucked the whore.  When we got back from Florida and he got back from Kentucky he had plainly changed.  I didn’t know what the hell was going on.  Then there was the added bonus that he suddenly began making trips, spreading his wings.  There was the funeral he refused to take his daughter to.  His trip to visit “Blockhead”.  All lies.  All continued while he spent the summer funneling thousands of dollars to that whore.

Finally, August arrives.  The pool is completed.  Six days later I’m told my husband is fucking Harley.  My world imploded.

I’ve spent the rest of the year taking care of my two kids, putting together evidence for my lawyer, being the responsible one while he acts like he’s single and child free.  I get the fun part of worrying about what the hell I’m going to do for money, what I’m going to do for insurance and how I’m going to afford it.  I get to worry about selling the house and fixing it up.  I get to worry about what I’m going to do with our 3 dogs and 3 cats.  I’m the one that gets to worry about trying to relocate and keep Rock Star where she is and then move once she graduates.  Basically, I get all the responsibilities and he gets to walk away and pretend like we never existed.  He gets a fresh start with no obligations, only a shiny little whore spreading her legs wide with four whining kids, blandly worshiping him so that he’ll buy them things.

I’m eager to put 2015 behind me but I fear 2016 won’t be much better.  My lawyer tells me he doesn’t think we’ll be done with the divorce until September or October, so most of the year will be spent trying to untangle our lives while not getting fucked up the ass by him.  He pulled the wool over my lawyer’s eyes this go round.  While he will be charged rent if he continues to live at the house it’s nothing compared to what he would have to pay once he’s out on his own.  $750 flat.  It’s doubtful he would be able to find that on his own.  My family is taking bets on whether or not he will move out.  My mom thinks he’s going to amp up his efforts to try to find a job closer to Harley.  My lawyer had damn well better be accurate when he says he will have already established a level of income once this order goes into action.  I would hate to see him quit his job before he gets this year’s bonus and then he gets out of paying me.  Wouldn’t put it past him though.

You know, it gets tricky, though, because Harley is expecting a certain standard of living.  If he quits his job and takes something that pays less that won’t bode well for his relationship with her.  Same thing with going to jail.  That will put a damper on the relationship.

Present Day Sam Says: Yeah, 2016 was no picnic either. I started off okay. Then I found out in February that CF quit his job and moved in with the whore. I still find it amazing that he drove 2 hours each way to work. I rebounded. And then got knocked down yet again when he texted me to let me know he had lost his job and wouldn’t be sending me anymore money. We were faced with the choice of trying to stay put and probably being evicted midway through Rock Star’s junior year, or biting the bullet and moving right then. I sold off whatever I could and left behind most of my possessions and moved 600 miles away, in with my mom.  I ran out of money.  I began working at Target, going in at 4 in the morning. A month later I got a second job at Kohl’s because my first job didn’t pay enough. I cried pretty much every day. My life was nothing more than working, sleeping and trying to get my kids where they needed to be. No joy. No hope.

The holidays sucked. Worst holiday season ever. I had to go in at midnight on Friday after Thanksgiving. I went in at 3 or 4 (probably 3) on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was my first day off in 21 days.

My kids were forced to start all over. My son took to life in Indiana right away- had a great group of friends, liked his school (at least at first), liked living with his Nana. My daughter hated it here; I’m pretty sure she still does. The one bright spot in her life for months was her job. Gradually she spread her wings- first by getting on the winter cheer team, and then going out for track and loving it.

The one bright spot for me that year was getting hired on full time at the bank. It wasn’t going to pay me much but it was a full time job finally. I wouldn’t start until 2017 but I still counted it as one good thing that happened to me in 2016.

Now it’s almost 2 years later and things are a lot different. You’ll have to wait until later in the month before I finish my wrap up for 2017.

 

Once a Cheater…

December 2015

I got the most delightful news last night.  Well, I got some not so delightful news, too, but the good news put me in a wonderful mood.

The Saint contacted me to tell me that he overheard Harley talking to one of Zack’s friends about how he had shown her naked pictures of me.  Nice!  What kind of sick fuck shows naked pictures of his wife to his affair partner?  And what kind of sick fuck wants to see them?  That was the not so delightful news.  I did march into his room and demand that he delete them.  He supposedly did but we’ll see.  If I hear of anymore I’ll be contacting my lawyer.

But the delightful part was what he told me later on.  THEY ARE STILL HAVING SEX!  Oh, the glorious karma bus is headed straight towards those two fucktards!  Later that evening he said he overheard her on the phone with CF, denying she had slept with her husband.  But he claims to have text messages.  He says they’ve only had sex a couple of times and a couple more times he wouldn’t.  One time was right after CF left.  He also said that the neighbor she was sending naked pictures to was mad at her after finding out about Zack but now they’re friends again.  Which probably means she’s sending him naked pictures again.

I find this to be hilarious!  Oh, definitely sad for Cousinfucker but who gives a fuck about him?  He threw away a 20+ year marriage, has destroyed his relationship with his kids, and is going to be paying for this for the rest of his life all for a whore who is already cheating on him and her four kids who use him for what he’ll buy them and then talk shit about him behind his back.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he tells his mommy and his sister how she’s cheating on him.  Great job, Tammy Faye!  You encouraged a predator to call your son.  They both ended up destroying his home and even your relationship with your grandkids and how does she repay you for your “tip” to her?  She destroys your son.  Oh, and Jezebel, you with your, “You should do whatever makes you happy.  You deserve so much better than Sam.  I’m sorry she makes you so miserable.”  Hey, bitch, at least I never cheated on him.  I didn’t make him give up everything for me only to spread my legs for yet another guy.  She’s cheating on him not even 6 months into it!  He’s being Jolly Zack right now!  He’s spending money on her and giving her everything she wants.  He’s always in a good mood for her.  And she’s still cheating!  Just wait until she gets the real Zack- the one who is moody and weepy and who turns every minor problem into a major event.  The one who sits upstairs in his bedroom, watching tv all weekend while leaving her to deal with her kids.  Good Lord, she’ll have to put one of those revolving doors in her house to deal with her various lovers.

I’m not sure why he was questioning her fidelity.  While I did ask The Saint if I could tell him that they were having sex I didn’t.  I know it wouldn’t do any good.  He has way too much invested in this to believe me.  Although, a text message where they are discussing it would definitely be proof!

Nah, I hope the dumb sonofabitch moves to be closer, gets another job where he’s miserable, can’t afford anything after he pays his spousal and child support, marries the whore and THEN finds out about all of her transgressions.

I haven’t felt this good in ages!

 

Present Day Sam Says: I’m not sure he knows to this day that good ol’ Harley was still sleeping with her husband. I know she denied it but I’m not sure if he ever figured out she was lying. Don’t know if he ever realized she was sending “inappropriate” pictures to her neighbor either. He’s in way too deep now for him to extricate himself. He needs that cunt face cum dumpster. Oh karma, you can be a bitch…

The First Anniversary After Filing For Divorce

December 2015

I didn’t have the heart to write yesterday although I looked fantastic!  Seriously- got my hair done, did my makeup, dressed up, wore some kickass boots.  I ended up taking the kids to Olive Garden up in, of all places, Whore Town.  Yes, I spent what should have been my anniversary dinner up in Whore Town, My State.  I figure the kids were the best part of the marriage so why not celebrate with them.

Rock Star did end up getting me a gift.  She bought me flowers and candy and a gift certificate to the nail salon.  I’ll have to tell her she doesn’t need to keep recognizing the date.  It’s insignificant anymore.

There were a few tears but overall I think this year’s anniversary was better than the last two.  The last two were spent trying to convince myself that the marriage wasn’t a sham.  This year I didn’t need to keep up with the charade.

I talked to his sister, not Jezebel, today.  Well, texted anyway.  She said he is in shock over the amount I’m getting.  I’m not sure why.  It isn’t that much different from what he’s already paying.  It is definitely more than he wanted to pay, though.  And hey, if he doesn’t move out by February 1st then I’ll get an extra $750.  I almost hope he stays!

 

Trying to Make Sure Life Goes On

November 2015

Thanksgiving decorations are up.  Halloween decorations are down.  The kids and I carved pumpkins all on our own and I think they looked great.  Picasso went as Foxy and Rock Star and her friend went as tacky tourists.

Today is the docket hearing so we should have a date soon.  I gave my lawyer my list of requests along with a letter as to why I think he should take on all debt and all of his various pay stubs to show his income.  If Cousinfucker agrees to give me what I want on my list the judge can sign it and we don’t have to wait for a date.  Yippee!  However, I don’t think that’s the way it’s going to play out.  He’s had a pretty good run of it so far.  He gives me what he thinks he’s going to have to pay me and then I turn around and have to pay all the bills with that money.  He still lives at the house, however, and pays nothing towards the mortgage, utilities, car insurance, phones, or marital debt.  Then he takes all of his money and he runs with it.  I’m sure his white trash whore is loving it because he can spend big bucks on her.  I’m equally sure he has big plans for that bonus check he gets at the end of January.  So, when he finds out he has to pay a minimum of $2k more than he was thinking he was going to have to pay, he’s going to flip his lid!  And then to have to pay marital debt on top of that!  He is not going to be happy.

I’m doing ok for now.  Occasionally things will pop into my head and I’ll get down.  There are some days it seems like everything hurts.  I was watching Grey’s Anatomy with Rock Star today and just seeing the love story between Meredith and Derek was a stab in the heart.  Seems like everyone is paired up and in love.  I’m pretty convinced that is never going to happen for me again.  I think you’re either one of those people who continuously gets involved with someone immediately or you’re one of those who never recommits.  I am positive that’s going to be me despite all my positive thinking.

Watching tv is usually painful.  Mundane crap, like watching Mike and Frankie on The Middle.  Just regular bullshit stuff, and knowing that I’m not going to have that regular bullshit stuff.  I’m not going to celebrate either of my kid’s graduations with their father. With continued luck I won’t have to share my grandchildren with him and won’t have to see him at their birthday parties.

I celebrated 20 years with the worst mistake of my life and I know in my heart I won’t spend 20 years with anyone else, much less the love of my life.  I feel like my life is over.  Not over like I’m only a few years away from death, but over in the sense that I don’t have much time to get shit together.  A job?  Oh yeah, I’d love to work a minimum wage job with no benefits and then eat dog food once I can no longer work.  I don’t feel like I have enough time to turn things around and I’ll just be a big burden to everyone in my path.  Then I read about people who have left their cheating husbands at 50 and 60 and 70.  I don’t know if they always worked or not.  I’m sure that helps.  I also think that if Cousinfucker can find someone else then surely I can!  I mean, between the two of us I am definitely the better catch.  He makes more money but he’s got issues up the ass, not to mention no hair and bad teeth.  I’m still attractive, I guess.  So why am I the one who remains alone?  Because the world is fucking unfair!  That’s why!

Writing seems to be difficult these days.  I don’t know how on earth I think I’m going to manage to write a blog.  I can barely type out what I’ve been doing lately, much less type out something meaningful and profound.  Plus, I’ve got tons of screenshots I need to put in my Chump Lady journal.  Like, over 100.  I swear, sometimes I read something that one of the other people comments on and I’m like, “Do they know my husband?”  Sometimes it’s just that it’s such a relief to know that I’m not crazy and that his behavior is bad!  Things will pop out at me and I think, “A-ha!”

 

Trying To Keep My Chin Up Back Then

Looking back 2+ years later I can say that not everything I thought would happen did happen.  Paragraph two, for example. He won’t be getting a new VA loan unless he has enough stock in his 401k to pay off that $76,000 to the VA. Actually, I don’t think that’s entirely true. He just may not get his full VA allotment. Nonetheless, it won’t be as easy for him as I originally thought.

I did relocate because he stopped paying any support, so all my efforts and desires to keep Rock Star at her high school were for naught.

I do live with my mom, I’m not alone, and I didn’t go to the high school reunion.

October 2015

Another day trying to keep my chin up.  Another day of wanting to cry when I think about what my life has become.

He’ll be fine.  He’s a vet and can get another VA loan to buy his little whore a brand new house so she can get out of that dump she rents.  What’s going to happen to me?  I won’t have any money to put a down payment on a house.  At this point I’m not even sure I’l be able to rent a damn place.  He gets to move out and leave behind 2 kids and our cats and dogs.  Even if he doesn’t move in with the whore and her kids he can move into an apartment- a nice little 2 bedroom apartment.  Not me.  No, I need at least 3 bedrooms and a fenced in yard unless I plan on walking dogs all day long.

He moved us across the damn country and had us sell our house which we had had for 8 years.  In exchange we bought a house that was $100,000 more than the one we sold.  Now it looks like we’ll be selling this house, the one I thought we’d be living in for the rest of our lives, after we bought brand new furniture with which to furnish this house.  Oh, yet another waste of money!  Instead of having $30,000 in stock to cash in we have a giant hole filled with water in our backyard.  Instead of an older car we bought a brand new car straight off the lot because we moved our daughter away from her gym and now I would be driving her over an hour to take her to her new gym.  We have a new $20,000 loan to pay for our pool because again, we, or at least I, thought we would be living in this house for years and years.

I’ve been left totally fucked over.  I can’t even really leave here because my daughter is so happy here and I really don’t want to move her yet again.  Poor Picasso is kind of up in the air. He might be willing to move after Rock Star graduates.  And that’s all IF I’m allowed to leave with him.

I’d like to think I have this great shot at a brand new life, with a partner who is actually a partner and someone who is good in bed.  That would be nice.  Looking forward to sex instead of thinking of it as a chore. He wasn’t awful but he never really made my toes curl either.  And he irritated my boobs.

The reality, though, is I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.  All by myself.  Eventually living with my mother.  So looking forward to the next class reunion!

My life is over.  No chance of a cruise again.  No Disney World.  No more vacations.  No trip to Hawaii.  I’m not sure there will ever be anything fun in my life again.  Not trying to be a pessimist.  More like a realist.  I can blare all the Kelly Clarkson songs I want to make myself feel better but the fact of the matter is life is pretty much over.  I’ve got 6 1/2 more years of this parenting gig and then my kids are both gone.

OK, bad mom moment.  Rock Star and her boyfriend are watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager and the main character says, “I’m a whore.”  Her boyfriend says, “Well you’re my whore.”  Without thinking I said, “That’s what your dad said!”  Oh well, let him try to make something of it.  Then the main character’s dad said to his pregnant daughter’s baby daddy, “What do you mean it just happened?  I’m a man and I have to work really hard to have sex!”  So I say, “Unless she’s your cousin.  Then it’s really easy!”  Bada-bing!

 

When a Parent Loses Their Way

October 2015

My girl is in love.  So sweet.  And her father has no idea.  He’s never met the kid.  He has no idea how cute they are together or the depth of her feelings for him.  He didn’t see her at Homecoming.  He didn’t get to hear about how much fun she had.  He doesn’t get to hang around with the two of them.

She told me this morning she had a dream where she talked to her dad and she asked him if he liked her or his whore’s kids better.  He told her he liked them better.  😦

Yesterday Picasso had an eye appointment so she was home by herself for a while.  She sent me a text:  Dad came home and made awkward eye contact with me so I’m hanging out in the garage.  She ran out to see me when I got back and told me the whole story- how she hid out in the garage first and then ended up going downstairs to the basement and locking the door so he couldn’t get to her.

I asked Picasso if his dad had tried talking to him again.  No.  How do you feel about that?  He told me he’d probably feel worse if he did try to talk to him because he would just be lying and trying to get him on his side.  He told me that his dad told him I took a lot of money out of his account that day he did talk to him.

Then to make things even better, although this happened in the reverse order, I got a call from the lawyer’s office.  We have the docket meeting scheduled for November 2nd which means we won’t have an actual hearing until probably December or January.  Terrific!  I really want him to feel the pain and if he only has a week or so before he collects his bonus check there won’t be much pain at all.  I found solace in the fact that he probably thinks all that bonus check is his to play with, not knowing he’s going to need that to live on.  I guess the question is:  Is it more painful to know upfront that you can’t do something or more painful to think you’ve got this big check waiting for you and you can create all kinds of magic with your whore and fake family and then WHOOSH it’s all taken away from you.  Follow up question, just in case we don’t get a hearing even later:  Is it even more painful still to have splurged and bought all your shiny bling and then find out you have no money to live on?  I waffle between which would bring me more justice- the two of them getting this close to having everything their little hearts desired and then yanking it away, or letting them spend, spend, spend, only to find out he’s only going to have at most $2000/month to live on.

 

My Fantasy Confrontation

October 2015

I sent Rock Star off to Homecoming today. She looked absolutely beautiful and she and her boyfriend seem very happy together.

I usually have a fairly optimistic attitude about this whole divorce thing but every now and then something will hit me and I’ll feel like crying.  Sometimes it’s something as simple as realizing I have wasted my life with my STBX.  Other times it’s seeing parents showing up together to support their kid and realizing that while he wasn’t around much, now I will never have that again.  Or just seeing her friend’s beautiful house and coming to terms with the fact that I thought I had a man who would love me forever and now I’m finding out that’s not true and I will probably lose my own beautiful house.

I was thinking today of what I would love to tell the whore and her dumb ass.  I don’t generally think about that because I know it’s not worth my time.  But today I got feisty.  So here goes:  Did you really believe that bit about him not leaving me last time because he couldn’t “liquidate his assets” quickly enough?  What on earth changed between last time and this time?  He had more time in fact the first time you two pathetic idiots hooked up.  It takes no time at all to open up a new account, or did he tell you that our former state only has one bank and if you already have an account there you can’t open up a separate one in your name only?  Did he not tell you it only takes 24 hours to “liquidate his assets”?  Yeah, and I would have no way of knowing he was doing so because it’s all done through work.  I have no access to it.  I do believe that’s what we normal people call “a lie”.  No, sweetie, he didn’t leave me last time because he loved me and he didn’t want you.  He apparently felt the need to feed you a line so you would get down on your knees and suck his dick despite the fact that he discarded you like the white trash you are.  We both know, though, that he doesn’t need to explain it.  You would have sucked his dick no matter what.  Here’s another fun fact, you twit.  It wouldn’t matter if he liquidated his assets or not.  They’re considered marital property.  Liquidate, don’t liquidate.  It’s all the same to me and I still get half. Do you know that he called you the biggest mistake of his life?  That he said he should have just bought a motorcycle?  I want you to know you can’t fill out my bra, much less my shoes.  You are a low-life, manipulative, deceitful piece of white trash, and a criminal to boot.  He’s with you because he feels superior to you.  He only gets along with people that he believes are beneath him.  I’ve seen too much.  I’ve seen his failures, his weaknesses.  He felt like he could never do right in my eyes because he was a cheater.  So he convinced himself that I hated him and that I was miserable with him and he went sniffing out his white trash cousin, someone he could control, someone he looked down upon. You were a preemptive strike- he figured he would leave me before I could leave him.  He doesn’t think you’ll ever be better than him.  You have a criminal record; you’ve been arrested at least three times.  You send naked pictures to your neighbor while you’re telling my husband how much you want to fuck him.  You’re a whore and a cheater.  No, he definitely does not have to worry about ever feeling inferior to you.  But he did feel inferior to me and he couldn’t take that any longer.  My little whore cousin is still pining away after me; I can go fuck her and then I won’t have to do any of the hard work.  I’ll never have to wonder why she puts up with me; I’ll never have to worry she’ll leave me. I’ve betrayed my wife terribly and I’m not sure she’ll ever completely forgive or trust me so I’ll just go back to my piece of trash ass.  You can have him.  I don’t want him anymore.  You can deal with him being catatonic after he realizes he’s going to be paying me around 70-75% of his paycheck, plus taking on a sizable amount of our marital debt.  You will be willing to suck his dick and let him fuck you up the ass even when he’s not lavishing you and your kids with gifts, won’t you?  You won’t mind when you’re back to working 80 hours a week so that you can help your “soul mate” pay his spousal support, will you?  You won’t mind telling your own kids they’re going to have go without because Mommy has to help Daddy Zack pay his support or otherwise he’ll go to jail?  You can’t fuck him if he’s in jail.  I would tell you I hope it all works out for you but I really don’t.

And you… You traded me in for your white trash cousin.  She’s a criminal.  She’s a liar.  She’s a cheater.  Wow- you really traded up.  I’m sure you won’t be worried at all about whether or not she’ll remain faithful, especially once you realize you aren’t going to be able to be her sugar daddy.  No, I get 70-75% of your paycheck because they base support on your annual income.  I hope you didn’t have any big huge plans for your bonus check because you’re going to need to that to live on.  I mean, feel free to spend it if you want to; God knows I can’t tell you what to do.  But just keep in mind that every penny you blow is one less penny you have to live on…

You’ve traded in your wife, the woman who followed you all around the country and raised your kids, for a lying, cheating, gold digging whore.  You’re with a woman who cheats; do you really think you’re the only affair she’s had?  Oh, honey…  I bet you think you’re “special”.   I guess it’s no biggie if she cheats though because she’s with a man who cheats.  And abandons his children.  But remember that.  If you were so distraught over the thought that I could never forgive you and that caused you to search out your cousin then I can only imagine how distraught you’ll be when you realize you can’t live up to all the promises you made to her.  You must really wonder if she’ll be sending naked pictures to her neighbor again or searching out some other sugar daddy when she realizes that life with you isn’t so “rosy” either.  You’re an idiot if you think she’s with you because she loves you.  The whore spends money like it’s water; she’s never been on a budget and neither has her daughter.  She’s been arrested for writing bad checks for crying out loud!  How bad does it have to be before they actually throw your ass in jail for that?  She sees dollar signs, you jackass.  Face reality.  You’re bald.  You’ve got bad teeth.  Your breath smells like shit, no seriously, literal shit, from all the cheap wine you’re drinking and the Kodiak you’re chewing. You tell the same stories over and over again and you even admitted that most of what you two talked about the first time around was family and the people you both know.  Catching up doesn’t take years; those “common interests” are going to get tired real quick!  And you just spent a week in a psych ward.  You’re depressed, anxiety-ridden and suffer from PTSD, if you weren’t lying about everything.  Regardless, your natural state is misery.  You’re only happy when you’re unhappy.  This honeymoon period will end.  When it does she will realize what she got herself into.  It will probably end right around the time you find out how much money you’re going to be paying me.  I hope she’s as understanding as I was when you were catatonic on the bed in our former state.  Her job might be a little more difficult though because in that situation you got bailed out by your company.  Unfortunately for you I don’t think they have a bailout program for piece of shit SOBs that leave their wives for their cousins after moving them across the damn country.  In other words, you’re on your own.  And if that doesn’t do it I’m sure realizing you’re stuck here in this town unless you can find a job that pays you as much as you earn *annually* at your current company will.  Oh, I really hope I am able to see the look on your face when you realize your plan to move closer to your whore is never going to be realized, and you’re every bit as much stuck and isolated out here in our current state as you were in our former state.

On a more serious note you might want to closely observe your whore’s behavior, especially as it relates to your children.  You supposedly love them so much.  You are supposedly so devastated over the fact that they won’t talk to you.  But your sweet little piece of ass posts all over social media to you and about you, even going so far as to bemoan the fact that she’s so sleepless because her married lover isn’t warming her bed.  Your daughter sees it and confronts you, obviously upset over it.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say you told her your daughter saw it.  I’m not quite sure you’re evolved enough to have actually told her to knock that shit off.  Nonetheless, do you know what your little bitch’s response to your daughter seeing her father’s mistress posting about missing him from her bed?  Oh, it wasn’t to actually stop doing that crap.  No, it was to block your daughter.  I think we’ve already determined that she’s a manipulative bitch and this is simply another example.  She has to know your daughter can’t stand her. So what does she do?  Does she send her a private message, actually apologizing for her crass behavior?  Telling her she realizes she was only thinking of herself and she’s sorry?  No!  She blocks her.  She throws gasoline right on that fire.  Now she’s thrown down that gauntlet.  Every time you choose to spend any time with your kids, you won’t be able to spend time with her.  And we both know you’ll choose a piece of ass over your kids each and every time.  If she really cared about you and cared about your kids she would own her behavior. But she doesn’t, so she doesn’t.  She’s like every other second wife/mistress out there, trying to eliminate the kids from the first relationship so that she and her kids can have everything. And you’re so stupid you fall for it. “Oh, they all love me!  They think I’m the most awesome thing ever!”  No they don’t.  They see you as a wallet, a chump.  Her kids talk shit about you behind your back and she’s spreading her ass wide so that you’ll buy her pretty sparkly things!  The absolute best part is how you turn all of your shitty behavior around and act like you’re a victim.  But you’re no better than your whore; in fact, I think you’re worse.  Afterall, they are your kids.  She has no obligation to them; you do.  First you basically call your daughter a liar when she confronts you, and then you try to blame me.  And when you find out that your dearly beloved really did post that drivel you don’t have big enough balls to apologize.  Instead you avert.  Let me cry on your shoulder so you can feel sorry for me! Oh boo hoo my kids won’t talk to me!  Oh poor me- my wife had a blog where she talked about her feelings after I cheated on her with my cousin.  I’m a victim.  I had to stick my dick in that whore.  It’s all your mom’s fault. She hated me!  Yes, that’s right.  She hated me so much she moved 2000 miles across the country, away from all of her friends, in order to support my desires.  She moved 6 hours away from my mistress instead of keeping a good 25 hours of distance between us all.  She hated me so much she uprooted you two kids from the only life you ever really knew and had you start all over here, in this town we moved to because I had the hots for my cousin 2 years ago and started putting a plan into motion to get closer to her.

Let’s get something straight right now.  I didn’t hate you.  I was very clear that not only did I want our marriage to continue but I also wanted us to be happy.  That’s why I spent an entire fucking summer in a hot garage listening to rap music with you.  It’s why I would text you and tell you I was going to the grocery store and then to Target and then to PetSmart and then and then and then.  It’s why I would send you naked pictures like you liked. It’s why I AGREED TO UPROOT ALL OF US FROM A PLACE WHERE THREE OUT OF FOUR OF US WERE HAPPY AND  MOVE ACROSS THE DAMN COUNTRY FOR YOU!  If I hated you and wanted nothing else than to make you miserable then I sure did a piss poor job of protecting myself.  I never asked you to sign a post nup, giving me everything if you cheated again.  I didn’t immediately get my ass back to school for a more marketable degree or start looking for a job so I’d have some financial independence. Oh, and once again, since this bears repeating over and over, I didn’t refuse to move across the country so you could have your dream job.  What did I do?  I moved 6 hours away from your cousin/mistress. I sold my house which we had lived in for 8 years to buy a house that cost over $100,000 more than the one we left.  I bought a new car. I bought all new furniture for the new house.  All of those purchases- I could have been saving that money for my future divorce. We put a $57,000 pool in the backyard- using savings, taking out a loan, and cashing in stock.  Yes, my brilliant idea was to liquidate all of our assets on a big hole in the backyard that we would never enjoy.  I decided to top that off with accruing another $20,000 in debt. Because I hated you and wanted to make you miserable and I figured this would get me the best possible divorce settlement ever.  Yep, let’s spend every dime and rack up the debt!

Back to your crazy cousin and her delightful way with your children.  You both might want to remember that all your daughter needs to do is borrow someone else’s phone or computer and she can still see everything. Hell, she doesn’t even need to borrow it; all she needs is their password and login.  Or she can simply create a new page and see things that way.  How about until you’re actually divorced your whore stops acting like you two are a legitimate couple?  That would probably be the prudent thing.  Because right now?  You’re just two dogs in heat. You’re two people fucking each other while you’re both married to other people.  Believe me, I don’t mind. I don’t mind you being an idiot when it comes to my kids, that is.  I don’t want to share my kids with you and you’re making it extremely easy for them to hate you and want absolutely nothing to do with you.  So thanks! But I do realize it’s far better for them to actually think you care about them so with that in mind I’ll give you a little piece of advice:  Stop acting like a victim and own your behavior.  You would get a hell of a lot further with both of them if you just ‘fessed up.  Hey, kids, I leave every weekend because my skank ass cousin lives in my home state and I have to go down there to fuck her every weekend.  Perhaps a bit too graphic.  Maybe you should go with:  Kids, I don’t have an excuse.  I know what I’m doing is wrong but I don’t care; I love her and I want to be with her.  All I care about is myself and my mistress and her kids.  As your aunt always tells me:  Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about anything else! I’m the only person who matters.  My happiness is the most important thing and if you really loved me you wouldn’t care that I’m upending your lives.  You would simply be happy for me since I’m finally happy, fucking another woman and cheating on your mom.  Now kids, you need to understand that you two will always come after her and her kids so get used to it.  If you want to have a relationship with me you’re going to have to accept her and her kids because we are a package deal.  I love you two but not as much as I love her.  I leave every weekend not because I’m not welcome like I told you before but because I want to be with her.  There is absolutely nothing that any of you could do that would make it worth it to me to stay with you over the weekend.  In fact, I’m trying to find a new job that is closer to her so I don’t have to drive so far to see her every weekend.  I’ve never been much of a father to either of you so I don’t think my absence will be felt all that much.  You’ll both be fine.  Your mom did it all before this so nothing much will change.  I just won’t be upstairs in my room ignoring you; I’ll be 6-8 hours away ignoring you.

Should I Feel More?

October 2015

Is it wrong that I’m not more torn up about this divorce?  I feel like I should be shattered into a million pieces but I’m not.  I don’t know if it’s because of everything I went through before the first time, or everything I’ve dealt with since late December, or simply because once I found out I was pretty much done with him.  I just feel like I should FEEL something more.  But I don’t.  I’m relieved.  I’m sad my kids aren’t going to grow up in an intact home.  I’m sorry I’m losing a bunch of my income.  I’m sorry I may have to sell this house after only living here a short time.  I’m sorry I’m getting a divorce in the sense that I failed; I feel like used goods sometimes.  I look around and see all these people where the couples have been together forever and here I am, staring divorce in the face.  But other than that I’m good.  I’m belting out songs by Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert, to name a few.  I regret the life I’m losing but I don’t regret losing the man.  I’m pissed when I think about everything he’s buying the whore and her kids and how he’s treating his own kids, but I don’t want him.  Unlike a lot of people, especially those who divorce when the kids are young, I don’t think I’m going to have to co-parent with him.  He’s trying to move out of state.  The kids are old enough to say they don’t want to go with him.  They are old enough to be told the truth about what’s happening.  They know their father had an affair. They know who the other woman is.  They have no desire to meet her and can articulate that to their dumbass dad if he tries to push the issue.  They have chosen to cut off all ties to their grandparents.  I know I should think long term but I’m happy about that.  I’m happy I don’t have to worry about having her whore cooties on my kids.  I don’t have to worry that his relatives will bad mouth me to my kids.  I don’t have to miss out on holidays with my kids.  I’m good.  All around good.