Fast Food Foibles, Part 2

It happened again. I went to Subway this time. I had been cleaning my room and packing away all of my summer clothes and puling out my winter clothes. I was hot and sweaty. I had taken off my bra because it was gross. My hair was up in a ponytail/messy bun. I was probably wearing no makeup. Oversized, inappropriate t-shirt to wear in public. It was actually my t-shirt from the Fully Loaded Comedy Festival with Bert Kreischer. It wasn’t my first choice but it was the only thing they had in an oversized t-shirt. It has a little smiley face with a beer in one hand and a blunt in the other. I’m not a fan of wearing things that glorify drug use. And yet here I am, wearing the shirt, smelling gross, looking gross as well. To add to the fun I was tired and grumpy, too. I had been cleaning and dragging bins up and down the stairs all afternoon.

So now I’m hungry. I decide Subway sounds good. I offer to buy one for my mom and my son, as well. Picasso asked for 2 foot long sandwiches which I was willing to do.

I get into my car and drive to Subway. Now this particular Subway has a drive thru because they are in the former Burger King building. I happen to love this feature because when I’m smelly and gross and not wearing a bra the drive thru is a wonderful invention. Do you see where I’m going with this?

I pull up, ready to be told they are making sandwiches for their online clients. That didn’t happen. So far, so good.

“How many sandwiches can I make for you?” the sandwich artist asks.

“I am going to need four.”

And this is where we derail.

“Oh, can you come inside? We aren’t supposed to do more than 2 sandwiches in the drive thru.”

What the ever living fuck? They can make me wait for 20 fucking minutes while they make sandwiches for people who aren’t even present but if I need four sandwiches I need to park my car and walk my smelly ass into the restaurant?

Had it not been for the fact that I was buying sandwiches for everyone I would have simply driven off. Instead, I had to pull back out onto the four lane highway, get into the turn lane, and turn back into the parking lot so I could park my car, and walk inside with my smelly armpits and my inappropriate t-shirt and my boobs hanging free. You want me inside? You got me! Enjoy!

I was able to hide my irritability but it did get worse. Picasso likes the Italian Herb & Cheese bread. They had only Italian or wheat. It’s not the end of the world but if you’re going to make me come inside sans bra the least you can do is have the bread my son likes. I’m still not sure if that is a temporary or permanent issue. I’m not really sure I’ll ever find out either because I think I’ve crossed Subway off my list as well. At least the one close by me.

I think this may be Fate’s way of telling me to knock it off with the fast food and get back on low carb. I’m going to go eat a Reese’s peanut butter cup while I think about that.

Just Wondering

I wrote a post almost three years ago entitled, “It’s a Partner Problem.” Basically, your partner cheats, you have a partner problem. I stand by that. As I said in that post, if your partner propositions ten different women and they all turn him down, you still have a problem. You’re with a guy who wants to cheat on you and eventually he’s going to find someone that is willing. It’s not on the other woman to keep your husband faithful. It’s on your husband. Switch genders as needed. Way too many people put all the responsibility on the affair accomplice and none on their own timid forest creature.

BUT, and this is a big one, that doesn’t mean I think the affair accomplice is an innocent angel. There are people out there who target married men. I think this is definitely more a woman thing because they want the lifestyle the man can provide. I don’t believe for a moment that the majority of affair partners have no idea the person is married. Yes, I believe it happens, but I don’t think that is the norm. And if they do know he’s married, they’re culpable. It’s unfortunate that so many people can’t understand how you can be upset with more than one person.

With all of that in mind I can say it really irks me when someone comes along and insists that the affair all falls on your spouse/partner and you shouldn’t blame the affair accomplice at all. They didn’t make vows. They don’t owe you anything. Yada, yada, yada.

Bullshit! Fucking a person you know is married is wrong. You’re culpable for that choice when you choose to do it. You are deliberately helping to destroy a person’s life. You are deliberately interfering in someone’s marriage. You are often times profiting off of all of the previous person’s work and/or support. You are damaging children.

Here’s what I’m wondering though. These people who say the other person owes us nothing… the ones who say we need to hold our partners accountable… I’ve got a question for them.

Let’s say someone propositions the mobster. Let’s take it a step further and say she knows I exist. Maybe we’ve even met. But this man stealing whore is going to go after him anyway. She tells him he’s so sexy, so charming, so funny, so handsome. She tells him she’s been pining after him. Maybe she even sells him a sob story about her own horrible marriage or relationship. She wants him bad! Only sex with him will make her happy. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me! Stick with me here.

Now let’s say the mobster does what he should and he tells her to get the fuck away from him, that he is totally devoted to me, and she repulses him. He makes it extremely clear he wants nothing to do with her and that it will never happen between them. I’m not sure if he’s supposed to tell me what happened or not but for the sake of this story let’s say he’s supposed to and he does.

Are those idiots really telling me that I have no reason to be upset with the woman who tried to seduce my boyfriend? Like, she wasn’t successful so move along? No harm, no foul? I don’t think so! Bitch was trying to put her hands on something that wasn’t hers.

Would their position in that case be I was right in being upset? Or are we right back to no harm, no foul? Cause I’ve gotta say it’s more than a little fucked up that when she tries to sleep with my partner and “steal him” away but is unsuccessful I’m free to be upset with her, but if she does sleep with him and he does leave me I’m supposed to shrug it off and only be upset with him. Because again, you can only be upset with one person.

Again, I think it’s ridiculous when the affair accomplice is held entirely responsible for everything. No, your partner chose to cheat. They chose to lie and gas light and deceive and steal and destroy you. The affair accomplice chose to help. And therein lies the rub.

If I mastermind a robbery or a murder I’m still culpable. Charles Manson spent the rest of his life in prison because of what other people did for him. He didn’t kill a damn soul. If my ex-husband hires a hitman to kill me they’re both going to go to jail. The hitman doesn’t get to say, “I made no vows. I didn’t promise her anything.” And Jerry Lee doesn’t get to say, “Hey, I didn’t pull the trigger.” Doesn’t matter. They were both involved. If my friend talks me into driving the getaway car while she runs in and robs a liquor store, I go to jail, too, and God forbid she shoots and kills somebody during that robbery. I’m on trial for murder now! Doesn’t matter that I wasn’t in the store. I was an accomplice.

That’s exactly what an affair partner is- an accomplice. Affairs are a two person crime. Sometimes more. But when they know you exist, they know your children exist, and they still take up with your spouse or partner, then they are an accomplice and you can be as pissed off at them as you wish. Just don’t let your lying, cheating piece of shit ex off the hook.

Women Suffer No Consequences

TikTok sucks me in like nothing else.

In one of today’s videos a young woman was explaining how if you want to lower the divorce rate you need to get rid of birth control. Apparently if you take a look at divorce graphs you can see a giant increase in divorce once women were allowed to access birth control. Giving women birth control has led to women being able to escape all consequences. Excuse me while I laugh hysterically.

If you could see me right now you would see me rolling my eyes. There is so much to unpack in this internalized misogyny.

Does dumb bunny not realize how many men leave their wives after 10, 20, 30 years together? Is she unaware of the number of men that keep trading in their current wife for a younger and younger version? Is she also unaware of the number of men that essentially abandon their children in order to have an unencumbered new life with the new woman? It’s almost like she believes that the only time a woman gets divorced is when she’s bored or something. You know, kinda like deciding to try out a new haircut. “Let’s try bangs!”

I’m simply stunned that she thinks removing birth control and saddling women with 6, 8, 10 kids is somehow going to prevent divorce. I think she has left out a very important variable- the man.

Does she believe every man wants unlimited children as well? Does she believe that every man is eager to father a child- period? And are we supposed to ban male contraceptives as well, or only women’s? Like, if a man says, “No babies for me. I’m wearing a condom,” that’s perfectly okay, but if a woman says, “No babies for me. I’m on the Pill,” we should take those pills away and force her into motherhood. Honestly, it’s not like men have that many options. It primarily falls on us anyway. Men have condoms. We have everything else. And apparently that’s a bad thing.

What if a married couple doesn’t want anymore than 2 or 3 kids? Are they supposed to have a sexless marriage from that point on?

The ignorance astounds me.

Hell, we’re still combating the notion that men only want to be involved with his children if he’s fucking the mother. We are still fighting to get men to take on equal responsibility when it comes to his children when he’s actually married to the mother of his children. Now we’re going to throw birth control out the window and these men who can’t be bothered to show up at a parent teacher conferences or give a kid a bath or who don’t know what grade the child is in or what size clothing they wear are now suddenly going to have double or triple the number of children to ignore? Excellent! I’m sure that will work out great.

Birth control does not lead to divorce. Birth control gives women more control over their own lives. That’s a good thing. Unless you’re a controlling asshole. I can understand why that might upset you.

The spike in divorce rates are due to the fact that women are not as dependent upon men as they were. Oh, I realize we have a long way to go. The stories I see every day are proof of that. Primarily because we as women still buy into this idea of being wives and mothers first. People her age probably aren’t aware of the fact that even in the early 70s many women couldn’t get credit on their own. They couldn’t buy a house or get a credit card (need credit for that). Many times they couldn’t even get a job because it was seen as women taking away a job from a man that needed to support his family. Hell, my mom was not allowed to wear pants to school as a child. Maybe even as a high school student. That was not a house rule. That was the school’s policy.

Of course, with all that wonderful birth control we can now sleep around indiscriminately and even if we do get pregnant and decide to keep the baby now we get child support! Dumb bunny speaks as though women are rolling in the dough with all this child support. Excuse me again while I go off and laugh hysterically.

Again I will cite the latest statistics I could find which stated that less than 50% of men pay their full child support. I believe the stat was 46.5%. And 30% pay nothing. There are billions in unpaid child support every year. Do you know why we have child support laws? Because men wouldn’t support their children voluntarily! Consequences needed to be imposed for men to support their children. Looking at the statistics of how many pay in full and how much unpaid child support there still is I would say that even imposing consequences doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Alimony? Oh honey, most states don’t even award alimony anymore. The courts often don’t give a shit if you’ve been a stay at home mom raising your 10 children like a good, obedient wife. Hubby wants to trade you in for a girl 20 years younger he is free to do that, and chances are real good he won’t be paying a dime in alimony. You’re told to go back to work and support yourself. You better hope child support is sufficient to cover what your income after 15 years out of the workforce doesn’t.

If my life was supposed to be so easy once I got divorced and suffered no consequences then why am I living with my mom still while he lives in another four bedroom 3 bathroom house with his whore and replacement child? Why was I working 2 jobs for quite some time? Why did my lifestyle go down approximately 75% even with the alimony I was awarded, while his stayed the same, even after paying alimony and child support?

Denying a woman birth control and forcing her to have unlimited numbers of children is not suddenly going to turn the world back to the 1950s (where women had even fewer rights). I find it ironic that there is no accountability for men who walk away from wives and abandon their children but there’s a whole lotta hand wringing over the thought of a woman using birth control so that she can have sex without worrying about a pregnancy. I find it equally ironic that people think women being able to have sex without the fear of pregnancy is somehow worse than over 54% of men walking away from these children they made and not paying the child support they owe. Maybe before we worry about the children that haven’t even been born yet, because the woman prevented the pregnancy with birth control, we worry a little bit more about the children that are already here.

Chick-Fil-A, My Mom, and Their Fries

As I said previously my mom is the one who introduced me to Chick-Fil-A. She still enjoys a good Chick-Fil-A sandwich. She doesn’t like pickles but she doesn’t want the pickle taken off of her sandwich because apparently she likes the taste of the pickle. I find that weird but okay. She also likes mayonnaise on her chicken sandwich so I always make sure I get a couple of packets of that so she can add it when I bring it home to her.

She does not like the fries. For anyone who has never eaten at Chick-Fil-A (and I know that doesn’t include anyone in my town because everyone is there every single day except Sunday) they have waffle fries.

I like the waffle fries. Sometimes I even ask for a large. My mom turns her nose up at them. She’ll eat them if she has to but she lets it be known she is not a fan.

I don’t know why this is. They don’t taste any differently. At least I am not aware of any distinct “waffle fry” taste.

Maybe it’s the little holes in them? She thinks she’s not getting a whole fry? Yes, there are holes in them but they make up for that lack of volume by the sheer size of the waffle fry. This is not a mere shoe string french fry.

She doesn’t like holes in her food? I bet she doesn’t like Swiss cheese either.

This cheese has got holes in it. It’s no good!

Honestly, I could understand that. Swiss cheese has a distinct flavor compared to say, Gouda or cheddar or brie.

I’m pretty sure I’ve asked her before and she has no answer so far. Don’t worry. I’ll keep asking. If I ever get a conclusive answer I’ll report back.

Fast Food Foibles

The mobster is always telling me I should start a new blog, one that is dedicated to my fast food foibles. I’m not going to but I can tell you about some of the things that have pissed me off lately. And by lately I mean over the last few months, probably dating back to July.

First up we have the whole McDonald’s debacle. I swear I am boycotting this damn chain in my city. I did stop for McDonald’s when I was on the road over Labor Day weekend. The people in Nitro, West Virginia have got their shit together. The people were friendly. The food was hot. They actually gave me what I asked for. It was amazing.Let’s go back in time to one of the McDonald’s here in my city. It was probably July but I know for certain it was Community Day for Pokemon Go because I decided to grab an egg McMuffin from McDonald’s on my way. I pull into the drive-thru about 10:50. There was a car ahead of me. I finally get my chance to order. It’s still not 11. I say very politely, “I’d like a #1 with an extra hash brown and a large diet Coke.”

#1 is an egg McMuffin meal. for those of you who might not know. It’s my standard breakfast order although I will say Mickey D’s does have amazing pancakes. No time for pancakes that day though.

The girl repeats my order, goes to ask me a question about something and then says, “Oh, we can’t do that.”

So I ask if they’re already serving lunch.

“No, but we don’t have anymore of those.” She then proceeds to list about 3 different items, none of which I was interested in, that they still have available.

It is NOT 11:00 yet. They are still serving breakfast. Why are they not making me a goddamn egg McMuffin?

I worked at Hardee’s when I was in college. I remember two guys coming in maybe 10 minutes before closing time. Closing time! Not merely switching from breakfast to lunch. I forgot what they wanted but it was something we didn’t sell a whole lot of. Maybe a ham and cheese or a chili dog. The one they received probably should have been thrown away already. They were very understanding and were like, “It’s late. We get it.” The manager who knew them told them, “No, it’s not okay. You should get whatever you ordered and it should be fresh and good.” She was absolutely correct. Those guys got whatever it was they wanted and it was made fresh for them. Ten minutes before we closed.

I, however, can’t get an egg McMuffin around here unless I go in around 6 a.m. because once they run out of them they no longer make anymore- even if it’s still fucking breakfast time! Even if they’re still serving breakfast.

As always I was exceedingly polite despite the fact I thought it was total bullshit. I simply said something along the lines of either “Never mind,” or “No thank you,” and I drove to Burger King where I ordered an original chicken sandwich.

This came after my previous 3 or 4 month long boycott of the same McDonald’s. Again, Pokemon Go Community Day. We leave early so we can grab some breakfast and eat in the park. We sat in the drive-thru for over 20 minutes before finally leaving.

If I’m going to wait 20 minutes to even give them my order then I may as well go to a sit down restaurant. My philosophy on this is quite simple: As a fast food restaurant no one is coming to your establishment because they are looking for the most amazing meal they’ve ever eaten. They are there because they want something fast. That is their only job. Food fast. Yet so many of them cannot handle this anymore.

I know I sound like a cranky old woman but I don’t care. As I said I’m always nice. I never cuss or yell at anyone. Never tell them they’re incompetent or otherwise insult them or their establishment. The most that happens is that I leave in disgust and vow to never return.

Then back in August I had the situation with Subway where I waited for 20 minutes in the drive-thru while they made sandwiches for online orders because apparently their new business model is to tell the customers that actually come to their restaurant to fuck right off. I can see why they are losing out to Jimmy John’s, Firehouse Subs, and Jersey Mike’s.

Don’t even get me started on Chick-Fil-A. I love their chicken sandwiches. I hate the lines.

It is crazy around here and for the life of me I don’t understand why. We are a town of approximately 100,000 people. We have 3 stand alone Chick-Fil-A restaurants and one inside a mall. They all have insanely long lines At the one on the south side of town they have people directing traffic. There is a Texas Roadhouse right next to it but no one going to Texas Roadhouse can use the city street to drive into the Texas Roadhouse parking lot. You have to detour and go through the Lowe’s parking lot to get to the steakhouse because you will be waiting in a line forever.

I went to the newest one which is in the northwest part of town, thinking that maybe they wouldn’t be as busy. Oh, how silly was I? I was in line forever. Again. I timed it. I want to say it ended up being 40 minutes by the time I finally got to order and then got my food. And on top of that they didn’t have regular lids for the drinks so I had shake lids which meant I drove with the drink holder on my lap so soda didn’t spill all over my car.

Maybe you’re thinking the one at the mall would be a little better. You have to go in. No one is going through a drive-thru. That’s adorable. You would be wrong. The lines continue to be insane and you will wait for eternity to get your delicious chicken sandwich.

The one I go to is a little better now if you choose to go inside. I don’t know if that’s because people don’t realize the dining room is open or we just have a lot of people too lazy to get out of their cars. The inside lines used to be insane, too. The drive-thru will still take you anywhere from 20-40 minutes depending on the traffic, and the traffic is usually pretty heavy.

Here’s the crazy part. Aside from the fact that we have 4 Chick-Fil-A restaurants and God only knows how many other restaurants that aren’t Chick-Fil-A this restaurant has been around for years! I could understand if this was a new restaurant and we had heard lots of exciting things about Chick-Fil-A. I mean, I remember being in line at In-N-Out Burger back in Utah for over an hour. But within a month or so those lines were manageable.

In fact, we do have 2 new restaurants in the area. We have a Raising Canes and a Mission BBQ that just opened within the last year. Neither of them are as busy as any of the Chick-Fil-A restaurants.

We moved here in 1979. I’m not going to say we definitely had a Chick-Fil-A in 1979 but I know by the early 80s both malls had one and I had eaten at both of them. I remember my mother introducing me to Chick-Fil-A at the Scottsdale Mall that no longer even exists. I would be willing to bet it was no later than 1982 but more than likely it was even earlier than that. The stand alone restaurants came later but still!- we were well acquainted with Chick-Fil-A by that time. Sweet J was taking me to Chick-Fil-A to cheer me up after one of my many breakups with Dave, probably during my junior year of high school. What was that? 1985? 1986? I had multiple friends who worked there in high school and we graduated 35 years ago!

People, you’ve had more than 35 years to acclimate to the yummy deliciousness of Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches. Yes, the peppermint chip milkshake may be a newer menu item but that is a seasonal item and does not explain your long lines.

Aren’t people supposed to be boycotting them because they don’t like their Christina principles? How can I organize a boycott here? I personally won’t partake but it would be awesome (for me) if a lot more people decided they wouldn’t frequent their business.

Monday

I was feeling a little better when I went into work on Monday because I had worked about five hours on Saturday and another 2 or 3 on Sunday, catching up and trying to get ahead.

My grand plan to get ahead hit a bit of a snag on Friday when my boss me and two of my co-workers to let us know we were getting a part time admin person. This person was going to be taking over a report that I switch off on doing with one of my co-workers. This is a great thing actually because it frees up my time and I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to upload this report, go back to doing what I’m doing for an hour, and then stop and download the report when the hour or so is up. My plan hit a snag because my boss decided I would be the person who trained this new person. Which means my mornings are pretty much tied up. Today I did do some other things while we waited on the report but the first two days it was a beast. Mainly because we had so many people we had to pair up due to not having a Social Security number.

Anyway, I’m getting off track here. I’m in charge of training her. I’m coming into the office every day because of this. I did not know about this training when I made my dog’s grooming appointment the week prior. My plan at that time was I would work from home on Monday so that I could leave on my lunch hour and take Mr. Milo in. Instead, I’m going to stay at the office until around 12:45, pick up Milo, take him to the groomer’s, and then work from home the rest of the day.

I don’t know if I’ve shared this before or not but Milo has seizures. They last maybe 1-3 minutes. He stiffens up and drools a little bit. I’m used to them by now. I’ve talked to his vet, at least 2 different ones, and both said as long as they weren’t happening every day then he didn’t need to be medicated. His vary. He might have 2 in a week and then go 6 weeks before he has another one.

The reason I share this information is because due to these seizures Milo has to do the speed service when he gets groomed. Basically I drop him off, they immediately bath him and start grooming him, and about 15 minutes before they finish they call me so I can be there pretty much when he’s done.

Monday I drop him off. I decide that I will stop at Target and order my contacts because I got a $150 coupon in the mail. It says take an additional $150 off of your contacts. So I’m planning on doing so. I’ve had this for about 2 or 3 weeks and I need to get my butt in there because I’m down to about the last 2 weeks of last year’s supply. I also plan to buy a hot oil treatment because my stylist was not lying about me needing to condition the heck out of my hair!

I stop in. Order the contacts. Show them my coupon. That’s when I find out the coupon is the exact same in store offer they have already made. No additional $150 off. I did not need to stop in. I could have called.

I take one look at the horde of people standing in line with all of their dorm supplies and say to myself, “I do not need anything that badly,” and I walk out the door.

Now I had not had lunch at this point and I hadn’t eaten breakfast either. I was getting very hungry before I even left work. In fact, I was thinking I was going to grab some lunch after we sent off the email with the report when I realized I had to go home and take my dog to the groomer’s. So my next stop is to get something to eat.

Chick-Fil-A was my first choice but it was further away from my house and it’s always a zoo there. So I went with Arby’s. As I’m driving home my phone rings. I ignore it, thinking it’s a branch calling me and I’m on lunch so I wouldn’t be any help anyway.

I get home, take out my food and the phone rings again. It turns out it was PetSmart. Milo had a seizure while she was grooming him. As per company policy she rushed him over to the vet’s. They’re over at the vet’s waiting for me. It is now 2:00. My lunch hour has lasted an hour and 15 minutes. I still have not eaten. I am still hungry.

I head over to the vet’s office and I am there for over an hour. For a 30 second seizure.

The good news is this vet said he does need to be medicated. She asked how many seizures he has in a year and I replied, “35? Maybe?” And she said, “Oh my! Yes, he definitely needs to be on medication.”

I calculated that 35 seizures a year is almost 3 a month which isn’t even 1 a week. She said 35 in a year was too many. I said maybe it was only 24. She said, “Still too many. Anything over 10 in a year should be treated.”

I’m glad the other two vets didn’t take it seriously for years. Holding my poor puppy while his body is completely stiff and he’s trying to gain his footing and he’s drooling all over has been such a wonderful experience these last few years.

By the time we get home it is after 3:30. I’ve taken a 3 hour lunch and I have not eaten yet. My Arby’s bag has sat there for close to 2 hours. I eat it anyway.

I finally logged back on to the computer around 4, and while I stopped for dinner (my mom cooked and I ate even though I was no longer hungry) I worked until around 8:30.

Oh, in case anyone was wondering I didn’t get charged for the grooming. The vet visit, on the other hand, cost me over $400. Between blood work and the emergency visit it was quite the pricey adventure. Plus, I still have to take him back to the groomer’s (have to wait 7 days though) because she was only able to clean around his eyes and do his nails before the seizure.

We’ll end this on a good note though. When my trainee came over to the office in the morning I was joking with her, telling her that I wasn’t sure why they were having me train her because I was the newest person in the department. She already knew I was the newest person in the department. She told me that my boss’s boss had told her that I was new but not to worry because I was also really good.

Ha! My boss’s boss thinks I’m really good at what I do.

Kids, Dating, and Introductions

This will be a short rant. It’s not even really a rant when I think about it. I’m simply curious.

I see so many people talk about not introducing their kids to the people they’re dating. That’s fine, I suppose. No one says you have to introduce your kids to everyone you go out with. But these are the same people who insist to everyone else you shouldn’t introduce anyone you’re dating until you’ve been together at least six months; some even say twelve months.

Why?

I understand not introducing everyone you date as your kids’ new mommy or daddy. Definitely a bad thing to do. But simply introducing them? I don’t get it.

I knew of a single mom who said she didn’t introduce any of the people she dated to her two kids because she thought of dating as something she did for herself. She wasn’t planning on getting married or adding someone to the family so there was no need for anyone to meet them. She was completely upfront about the fact that she was selfish (her words) when it came to her dating life; she wanted something that was just for her and that she didn’t need to share with her daughters. If she was out on a date she wanted to forget about being a mom; she had no desire to blend her dating life with her life as a mom.

I understand that. It wasn’t that she had some moral objection to introducing her children to the men she sometimes dated; she felt it was unnecessary because she didn’t ever intend to merge any of these men into her life with her girls. But the people I’m talking about? They’re not objecting because they feel there’s no reason to introduce them. Instead they argue that introducing your dates to your children is confusing to them. More specifically, it’s confusing to them when Mommy (it’s almost always Mommy) introduces them to someone and she ends up not marrying him. He’s only around for a few weeks or a few months. You must wait until you know this relationship is serious.

Ok. Why?

Children have numerous people enter and exit their lives. Coaches that coach only a single season. Teachers that transfer schools after one school year. Neighbors and friends that move. They switch teams or move up in sports. They stop participating in activities because they’re no longer interested. They switch schools. They move and leave behind everything. They have different teachers, coaches, music teachers, etc. It’s not as though every child has a life that never involves any sort of change. I’m not sure any child has a life that involves no change. People are entering and exiting their lives all the time.

To be clear I don’t think it’s a good idea to move in your boyfriend (or girlfriend) of one week right after a breakup or divorce. I don’t agree with introducing them as “New Mommy” or “New Daddy”. Or even “Your other Mommy/Daddy”. But I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with simply saying, “Hey, kids! This is my friend, Joe. We’re going out for dinner tonight. I’ll be home in a few hours. Have fun with Aunt Ruby.”

I was going to follow in that woman’s footsteps- the one who was going to keep her dating life and her mom life separate. The mobster was going to be my little secret. He was going to belong to me and me alone. I wasn’t going to introduce the kids; I would simply spend a weekend away once in a while. I was going to keep my life with Picasso and Rock Star separate from my life with the mobster.

Do you know why I changed my mind? Because I didn’t want my kids to think that there was anything wrong with me dating. I didn’t want to have to hide the mobster. I didn’t want them to think dating after divorce meant you had to sneak around and that somehow I was doing something I should be ashamed of. I wanted to normalize the idea of me dating.

My kids have never met Harley. Almost 7 years after they found out their parents were divorcing due to Jerry Lee’s infidelity and they still have not met the woman that helped to destroy their lives as they knew them. They don’t want to meet her either, but the fact is their father has never once even tried to introduce them. He has never spoken to them about her, aside from admitting to Picasso that he had a girlfriend. He’s never spoken about her except to defend her when his daughter let him know she was posting all over social media about missing him being in her bed. He’s never attempted to broker a meeting despite running off to her house every single weekend for six months, and despite his kids knowing she existed. Harley is a dirty little open secret.

When I started dating, and realized this might get serious, I didn’t want them to think that there was anything wrong with me dating. And as stated above, I I didn’t want them to think I was ashamed of the mobster or that we were doing anything wrong.

We began texting towards the end of May, met for the first time June 9th. After we met up for the second time, later that month, I asked him if he’d like to meet my kids. When he came up again in July I asked Picasso if he wanted to meet him. I told him he didn’t have to if he wasn’t ready or didn’t want to, but if he did want to the mobster would love to meet him. Picasso told me he was interested in meeting him so we ended up going to breakfast together, I believe. Ironically, Rock Star was in Virginia that weekend so she didn’t get to meet him that weekend. Her introduction to him happened at the end of the summer when the mobster and his daughter came up over Labor Day weekend. And that was my first time meeting his daughter in person, although I’m pretty sure we had said hello over video chat.

Yes, my kids were older. His kids were older. Plus, we had many weekends away with just the two of us. I guess if our relationship had ended it wouldn’t really affect our kids because most of our time was spent together, without our kids.

Maybe if they had been younger and a bit more gullible I would have delayed making introductions. Maybe.

As it played out though I decided I wanted to teach my kids that me dating wasn’t some dirty little secret I needed to be ashamed of and hide. And I didn’t want them thinking the mobster was a dirty little secret either.

End of rant.

The Name Game

As y’all may remember I changed my name back to my maiden name when I divorced Jerry Lee. I didn’t want his name anymore. Or rather, I no longer wished to be associated with him anymore because let’s face it, once we got married and I changed my last name to match his it became my goddamn name.

There always seems to be discussion on changing your name back on the various boards I read. My stance is pretty simple. The last name is yours. Do with it what you wish. You want to get rid of it and go back to your maiden name? Get rid of it and go back to your maiden name; I did. You want to keep it? Then keep it. No one else gets to have an opinion. That includes the replacement, the cheating STBX, or even, sadly, the betrayed male spouse. Yes, my stance remains the same even then.

You think your new boyfriend’s/husband’s ex should change her last name back to her maiden name? You don’t like that she still has “his” name? It’s not your decision to make. It’s her last name now, not solely his.

You want your ex-wife to go back to her maiden name because you want to “bestow” that name upon a new woman? No one’s stopping you, Romeo. But you don’t get a say in whether or not your ex changes her name. Your choice was to be faithful or cheat. Now she gets to make choices.

Your ex-wife cheated on you and you think she should stop using your name? Again, I’m sorry. I really am. I know it must suck to have someone you despise share a name with you, but when you married her you gave her that name. It’s now hers. It was never a loaner.

Someone asked, “Why would she want to keep it when she cheated on me?” I can think of several reasons.

Practically speaking it can be a pain in the ass to change your name, especially now in the time of Covid-19. I just went through helping my son change his last name a year ago and let me tell you it was quite the process, and this was without having to change diplomas, credit cards, etc. I realize we probably had to take a few extra steps, like advertising in the paper, but it was still a lengthy, time-consuming process. Just getting the change at the Social Security office was a nightmare. Their offices are still closed so everything had to be sent in the mail- birth certificates, social security cards, high school transcripts, IDs. No one was answering phones so you had no idea if what you were sending in was correct (and in our case it wasn’t so we had to send in all new things). You needed to get everything changed at the Social Security office before you could do anything else- like getting a new State ID or driver’s license, or changing your medical records or updating your information at your bank. Hell, I still have credit cards in my old last name. My email address still has my old last name as well.

Many women also want to share a last name with their children. Most children are given the last name of their father. They frequently point out how travel and other issues can be more difficult when you don’t have the same last name as your child. It’s yet another slap in the face to think that your child’s stepmom can get information about your child or travel with your child with no one questioning them because they share a last name, while you, the legal parent, has to jump through hoops and prove your relationship to them if your name is different.

Also, as some people point out, they’ve had their married name longer than they had their maiden name. That wasn’t my situation but I’d still been Sam Jackass for 20+ years. Most of my adult friends knew me by that name instead of Sam Awesome.

Even with those three reasons listed above it still comes down to this: When you get married and legally take someone else’s name that name becomes your name. No one else gets to tell you to get rid of it. It’s yours to change if you choose. This isn’t semantics. It is your legal name.

In my situation I asked Jerry Lee how he would feel if I hyphenated my name when we got married. I know you will all be shocked to find out he was not happy with that idea at all. Oh no! I was to take his last name when we married.

Little Miss Harley hyphenated her name when she was married to The Saint. Now, I don’t know if she chose not to hyphenate it this time around because she just loved Jerry Lee so much she wanted to be all Jackass instead of Skank-Jackass, or if he pouted again and asked, “How could you not want to be all Jackass?”

So here’s my solution, fellas. Stop giving your name away! Seriously. When you’re getting engaged let it be known that you realize she’s her own person and you don’t expect her to take on a different name. She’s been Jane Smith for 20+ years and just because she’s marrying you doesn’t mean she has to suddenly become Jane Jones. If you’re insisting that she take your name then realize it’s now her legal name. She’s free to do with it what she wishes. She doesn’t have to give it back if things go south.

Personally, I think we should stop taking the man’s last name and we should start giving our children our last name instead of the man’s. As one person pointed out, “You have to do a DNA test to prove the children belong to the father. Not so with the mother.” And as another made note, ”So many times these men abandon their children and the woman is left either keeping a last name she no longer wants, or her name is different from that of her children, even though she’s the one raising them and he’s off doing God only knows what.”

Tag!

Did you know they have professional tag now? Professional tag! I swear, they will make anything a competitive sport.

My mom, Sweet J, and I were out to eat and ESPN was on. TVs all around us. We couldn’t get away from it. I’m watching these men run around and it really looked like one was trying to catch the other. I said to my dining companions, “It looks like they’re playing tag.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it, ESPN had the tag at the bottom of the screen and it said something about the WCT Championships. I was curious so I googled it.

World Chase Tag. I’ll be damned. To be fair it is an international championship for competitive parkour involving the game of tag. So, they’re not simply running around trying to catch one another. Sometimes they do stunts, too.

This has been going on for 11 years. Who knew?

If you go to their webpage (yes, they have a webpage) you will see that they bill themselves as the “world’ first and only global competitive Tag organization.”

You know why it’s the only global competitive Tag organization? Because most people beyond the age of 10 don’t play tag anymore! Hell, do kids even know how to play it anymore?

I thought it was crazy when I found out they have professional corn hole tournaments. This beats that.

Look At This!

That was what my daughter texted to me, along with a screenshot from her father, about a month ago.

She was indignant because he had the audacity to text her and tell her he had seen on Facebook that she was going into her last semester of college, he wondered if that meant she was graduating in December, and he told her he hoped he would get an invite. Also, her boyfriend seems like a really nice young man and he’d love to meet him one day.

She was pissed that he was fishing for an invite to her graduation and more importantly, that he thought he got to be a part of her accomplishments when he was the one that put up stumbling block after stumbling block for her.

I’m not proud of this but I’ve always been honest with those of you who care enough to read my blog. Wait. That didn’t sound right. The thing I’m not proud of is my feelings when I read the text, not the fact that I’ve always been honest with those who read my blog. Let’s try this again.

I’m not proud of this but my heart leaped into my throat when I saw the text message, especially because I could see earlier texts between them. Then I realized she was wishing him a happy Veteran’s Day. This was May. That happened back in November. And then I realized those messages were from 2020. Now maybe they communicate in other ways but Jesus Christ on crutches!

You have no contact with your daughter for a year and a half and you want an invitation to her goddamn graduation? Fuck you! Who do you think you are?

Obviously, I am going to go along with whatever she wants to do. Right now she says she isn’t inviting him but she also said she’ll decide when it gets closer. I think she will end up inviting him and I’ve already told her I will support whatever decision she makes. But I can vent with you in my safe space.

For the most part I don’t think about him and I try not to dwell on what happened and everything he cost us. I’m not perfect. I slip up every now and then. I think it was realizing he hasn’t communicated with her except for the possible Venmo transfer since November of 2020 and then just casually slipping in, “Oh, I’d love to be invited to your graduation. I want to celebrate with you.”

Fuck you, motherfucker! Where in the hell was he when she needed rent money? Where was he when she needed money for groceries? Money for gas? Money for anything? To this day I still send regular Chewy shipments to her house for her cats. I buy them treats, kitty litter, and food. I paid what was left after financial aid towards her tuition her first year. Paid for her books. Her sorority fees. Then he lost his job mid-way through her second semester. My mom came to the rescue and paid the final $1000 until he started paying me again. Dickhead actually had the audacity to ask me why her tuition was not paid already because it obviously was all due at the beginning of the semester AND insinuated that I had filled out the FAFSA incorrectly because she shouldn’t owe a dime for tuition with my salary. Rock Star took out additional loans for her sophomore year because I didn’t know if I was going to be able to help her out. I ended up paying her rent once her first semester and from April on her second semester. I also paid all of her sorority fees. Junior year I paid her rent, utilities, and food bill, along with the sorority fees. Senior year I once again paid her tuition. And her sorority fees. And gave her money when needed. And paid all the bills for her cats. Where was he for any of that?

I remember him asking her one time to let him know if she needed anything. I think it was freshman year. She replied that she still needed to buy books. He went on to tell her some story, probably about himself, and finished up with (again), “If you need anything, let me know.”

“I literally told him exactly what I needed and he ignored it,” Rock Star told me.

I don’t believe he’s ever sent her money randomly. Maybe he has but I doubt it. And if he has I know it wasn’t a frequent occurrence.

He’s washed his hands of both of his kids but when it comes time to celebrate he thinks he should be there.

And it’s not just the money. Where was he when she called, convinced she was never going to make it into nursing school? Where was he was she was overwhelmed and wanting to drop out and come home? He was part of the reason she was overwhelmed. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders because she knew how I struggled. She felt like she had to get straight As. She felt guilty telling me she didn’t have enough money for rent. She felt guilty anytime she had to ask for something. All of that was caused by him.

Everything she has experienced since she was 15 years old has been because of him. She lost her amazing high school experience because of him. She lost gymnastics because of him. She had to move out of her home with her roomy bedroom and her own bathroom because of him. She had to switch schools because of him. She had to worry about how to pay for college because of him. She ended up at Ball State instead of some school in Utah or Virginia because of him. Hell, she’s on anti-anxiety meds and anti depressants because of him. Just this past December she admitted she always feels like she’s not good enough. Why wasn’t she worth it? Why did her dad abandon her? How could he walk right by her and not say goodbye or tell her that he loved her? She feels like she always has to prove herself to him.

He took this young, bubbly, beautiful, confident young woman and turned her into an anxiety ridden mess. He did a number on her and her future, but by all means, let’s have him show up and take a bow. He took everything he could away from her, made things so much more difficult than they had to be. But by all means, preen about like a peacock. So proud! Daddy of the Year, right there. You were so instrumental in her upbringing.

No, you asshole, you were instrumental in attempting to orchestrate her downfall. But you didn’t succeed. I stepped in wherever you lacked. My mom stepped in wherever I lacked. I’m the one that told her she was exceptional. I’m the one that told her I was proud of her. I’m the one that was always there, always supporting her, always nurturing her, always encouraging her, always assuring her that she could do it. I’m the one that told her she was worth it and to never let her worth be measured by her father. I’m the one that told her she was going to be an amazing nurse. I’m the one that has paid for therapy, and I’m the one that has kept her going.

Here’s the funny thing. I don’t take credit for her accomplishments. I’m proud of her. I’ve supported her, both financially and emotionally. But I didn’t do it. I’m not why she succeeded. She succeeded because she’s incredibly driven. Disciplined. She knew what she wanted and she went after it. I didn’t take those classes. I didn’t do the labs or the clinicals or the homework. She did all of that. She has had an intense schedule for years. The achievement is all her.

It still chaps my ass that Jerry Lee thinks he should be able to show up and celebrate. Sit the fuck down! I’m the one that raised this kid. You were too busy off fucking your cousin and trying to impress kids that already had an involved father.