Today Is a New Day! Thank God!

Today’s post is going to have a religious slant to it so I apologize in advance to any atheists or agnostics I may offend.  Actually, here’s a quick tip if talk of God offends you:  Just skip over today’s post.  Thanks!

I believe I have mentioned how we have started going back to church.  We like the new church.  It’s fun.  It’s interesting.  Great coffee bar.  I’m not heavily involved yet but I enjoy going and look forward to it on Sundays.

As many of you may have realized yesterday was not a good day for me.  I broke my mother’s heart (I’m sorry, Mom!) and made someone else cry.  I was doing a lot of crying myself.  Where am I going with this?  I swear there is a point!

I browsed through Facebook yesterday and a woman with whom I went to church years ago posted this:  Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace.  Philippians 4:6-7a

Being a smart ass I decided to give it a try.  I swear to you this is my prayer almost verbatim:  Dear God, Could you please make my jackass soon-to-be-ex husband pay me my damn money?  Thanks!

I didn’t thank Him for all He has done.  I intend to get right on that though because let me tell you- my prayer was answered!

For those of you not following along in the comments section I did get my check finally.  Hooray!  Now I can breathe for another 2 weeks or so.  I also found out this morning that Cousinfucker DID indeed get his bonus check.  Now, he could try to screw me over and insist he got way less than last year but I have faith my new lawyer won’t let that happen.  So, the pool will be paid off soon and I should be receiving a lump sum of money that I intend to set aside for taxes and lawyer fees.

I’m back to my original plan of staying here until Rock Star graduates.  I’m hoping to hear soon from a vocational rehab specialist (I think that’s the title) to see where I should put my energies.  I have a degree already but I never used it.  Cousinfucker moved us around so much in the first 5-6 years of our marriage and we intended for me to get pregnant and stay home with our kids so I did mainly secretarial jobs.  That’s great when you’ve got a husband making decent money.  Not so great when you’re trying to support yourself and two teenagers who have had everything on that salary. I don’t want to go back to school for a more viable degree only to find out no one will hire someone nearing her 50s.  So I want to find what fields are hiring, if they hire older entry level people and what kind of money we’re looking at.

The next step is to figure out if I’m going to try to work full time and go to school part time, go to school full time and work part time, or any other combination. I’m still a fair distance away from my family, I don’t have a huge number of friends here, and Cousinfucker has moved out of the state so I don’t have a big support network to help me out.  I’m also very cautious about repeatedly asking for favors.  Because of that I’m going to be juggling all of this on my own- school, job, kids.  That’s ok, though.  I am woman, hear me roar.  I’ve got this once I can finally get on a road to somewhere.

To all of you who checked up on me, thank you!  I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.  Yesterday was a bad day.  Here’s to today!  And to Philippians 4:6-7a.

I AM Mighty, Dammit!

 

I told you I’d get my head out of my ass.  Some days you have to roll in the mud, get all filthy, and then stand up and clean yourself off.  Some days you have to wallow in the sorrow before you can tackle the problems head on.  Hello, today!

Even though I’ve spent the weekend not feeling mighty the fact remains that I am.  I AM MIGHTY!  Let me list the ways…

1. I did manage to change the damn vacuum belt.  Like I said yesterday, that was a task I always handed over to CF.  But he wasn’t around and I figured it out.  Just like I’ll repair the face of our drawer that fell off.  Just like I’ll figure out how to replace the screen door on our porch (with one that the dogs *won’t* ram their heads through thereby ruining the screening).  Just like I’ll end up cleaning up the backyard and making it look decent.  All without him.  Why?  Because I don’t need him.
2. I have gotten up out of bed every day.  I’ve made breakfast for my kids.  I’ve done laundry.  I’ve cleaned house.  I’ve taken care of dogs and cats.  I’ve switched out my summer decorations for my Halloween decorations and switched those out for Thanksgiving decorations and switched those out for Christmas decorations and switched those out for my January snowmen decorations and finally, just today, I switched those out for my Valentine’s Day decorations.  And you know what?  Next month I’m going to put out my St. Patrick’s Day decorations, along with my Easter decorations.  And in May I’ll put out my spring decorations and then once again I’ll be back with my summer/beach decorations.  I’ve been here day after day, taking care of business while he’s been off playing, pretending he’s a child free bachelor living in a freaking hotel!
3. While he’s been off spending every dime on his whore and her kids I’ve been making sure the bills get paid, the kids are fed, and that they have what they need.  He has ONE bill he has to pay- his American Express card.  He is regularly late on that.  His property tax for his car was over a month late. I’m dealing with my marriage of more than 20 years imploding and my husband’s affair while managing to keep everything running and not letting our credit scores take a hit; he’s, well… he’s not.  I guess he’s too busy screwing his cousin to manage to get anything else done.
4. I got through the holidays without him.  It wasn’t even that difficult.  When I checked in with the kids to see how they had fared they told me they enjoyed the holidays because they didn’t have to deal with their dad and his depressing behavior.
5. I have raised two kickass children so far, and even Cousinfucker himself has admitted it was all my doing.  They’re polite.  They’re kind.  They get good grades.  They have both stayed out of any major trouble so far.  They’re funny.  Of course, I will also credit my kids; I fully believe that as parents we can only do so much and the rest is on them and their personality.  But the main gist of the story is he has had nothing to do with how they’ve turned out.  I’ve been the one there for them.  They will tell you that.  And while it’s nothing new for me to take them on vacation or out to eat or to work out the logistics of how to get one kid here and another kid there… I’ve still done it and I’m still doing it.  It may not be a new accomplishment but it is something I’m doing and I do it well.
6. It took me eight days to file for divorce once I found out what he was doing.  EIGHT DAYS!  Not a record, I’m sure.  Nonetheless, I’m proud of myself.  In the span of six days I found out he was cheating, he was giving her money, he had bought her and her daughter new phones and was paying their cell phone bill, he had cashed in the remaining stock and transferred it to a separate account, and he was interviewing for another job out of state.  I would have filed in six days but I couldn’t get ahold of the lawyer until Day 7 and he couldn’t get me in until Day 8.  I acted decisively after weighing my options.  I didn’t beg.  I didn’t plead.  And I was smart enough to transfer money into a separate account before I let on that I knew.  Which brings me to…
7. I do realize that I’m in a much better position than a lot of women are when this goes down, especially if they’ve been a stay at home mom.  I was lucky.  We had just cashed in quite a bit of stock to pay the remaining balance on the pool.  If that hadn’t happened I would have been completely at his mercy because the money left over in savings from his bonus at the beginning of the year would not have kept us afloat for long.  And I’m equally fortunate that I have a mother who is willing to let me move in with her, welcomes it even.  I’m sure it’s tough on her living alone for the first time in her life.  She lost her husband 2 1/2 years ago and I realized that after he died she was truly living by herself for the first time ever.  This time there were no kids in the house.  Plus, by living with her I will have a lot more money seeing as how I won’t be paying $2100 for a mortgage.  That in turn means my kids won’t be dependent on their dad for any extras.
8. Per our agreement (and I’m beginning to think more and more that it was a shitty one) we are supposed to pay off the pool with CF’s bonus and then split the remaining amount.  He gets the bonus check at the end of January.  He has not given me my share, nor has he paid off the pool.  I sent him a text on Thursday letting him know the pool contractor was asking about payment.  He never replied.  I texted again on Saturday.  Again, he did not reply.  Today, I called my lawyer.  I’m hoping we can file contempt charges or something to get the ball rolling.
9. Because of #8 I have also made an appointment with another lawyer to go over my case.  I’m interested to see if this new lawyer thinks I got a good deal and hear her thoughts on how our property division should go.  I’m crossing my fingers she will be outraged and come out all guns blazing.  I may be disappointed with the outcome but at least I’m getting a second opinion.
10. I may not have made new friends due to the divorce but it turns out I do have a lot of really kickass, supportive friends.  I have many people who check up on me and make sure I’m doing ok.  I just found out another friend is going through this same thing and now I’m paying it forward and checking up on her.  I am very blessed with the friendships I have made throughout the years and I truly cherish each and every one of them.
11. I started a blog!  That’s a mighty achievement, right?  People read it.  People that don’t even know me read it.
12. Completely not my achievement or what makes me mighty but:  Congratulations to the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning!  I’ve been a Peyton fan for years.  I’m so glad that if he decides to retire after this season he will go out with a Super Bowl win.
13. Also not an achievement but an action plan for the day:  I’ve got one kid off to school, one upstairs in bed, sick.  The house is relatively clean although I could stand to vacuum.  I’m going to do some laundry, watch some television, wait for my lawyer to call me back, enter receipts into the computer and continue to get things in order for my appointment with the potential new lawyer.  I’m also going to complete the Valentine’s Day “advent calendar” for my kids.  I created it several years ago and it’s kind of hit or miss as to whether or not I do it.  This year I’m doing it.  I’m late, but I’m still doing it so I need to write out all the cute cards that lead to the small treats they get.  Today is a brand new day.