Sitting On My Hands- HARD

If any of you read the mobster’s blog, too, then you already know BSC sent him a text today.

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Just like I know kayaks can be deadly but they’re so fun I know I shouldn’t respond but I so want to! I’m going to try to be good and respond here instead.

Hey Batshit Crazy!

Got your text. Few corrections for you.

  1. I’m NOT an online tramp! Online would imply that our relationship exists only online and that we’ve never met up in real life. If that were the case you wouldn’t have seen me at T’s party and you wouldn’t be having your little tantrum.
  2. It is not your house. You are no longer allowed inside without the mobster’s permission. I, on the other hand, am welcome anytime. Did you like what I did with it? The newly painted walls were my idea. I told him he really needed to get rid of that god awful wallpaper so he did. Next to go will be those hideous Harley Davidson orange walls you were so fond of.
  3. You aren’t entitled to 50% of “your” tax return because you are still married. You are only entitled to half when you actually get a divorce. The mobster could have put his entire paycheck into an account with only his name on it and you wouldn’t have been able to touch that money as a married woman. The only way you can force him to “share” if you will, is by divorcing him. Then he has to cough up half. And if you’re honest, which we both know you never are, you would acknowledge that he has offered to pay you your half the minute you sign your divorce papers. You are the one preventing yourself from getting your share. Also, if you’re upset about not getting your “half” of the tax refund you’re going to be really pissed when he sells the house and takes all of the proceeds. Again, as long as you refuse to divorce him he can do with it what he wishes. Half only works when you’re actually divorced.
  4. You’re going to have him “arrested” for adultery? Seriously? You are the one living with another man and have been for the last two years. At least he waited until you left before he started dating again. You are the one who cheated on him repeatedly. You are the one that disappeared for days at a time. You are the one who walked out on him, abandoned your kids, and moved in with another man.
  5. For all your blustering Virginia classifies adultery as a Class 4 misdemeanor which is the lowest criminal offense and only 8 people have been convicted of adultery over a 10 year period. There is no jail time. Sorry to disappoint. At most, he would face a $250 fine. Then again so would you. FYI- I would gladly pay that fine for him. He is that good!
  6. Please learn to spell. A-D-U-L-T-E-R-Y
  7. Virginia is not a state. It’s a commonwealth. Please brush up on your state government/history.
  8. Also, periods are your friend. They denote the end of one sentence and the beginning of another. A comma does not. What you have is a very long run-on sentence. Or, put in a way you might understand: Also, periods are your friend, they denote the end of one sentence and the beginning of another, a comma does not, what you have is a very long run-on sentence.
  9. A judge might order a no sleepover clause… if the child in question was 8. T is 18. She is a legal adult. If Virginia won’t impose child support for a child who is 18 and has graduated high school, and they won’t force a parent to help pay for college costs, I have a hard time believing they’ll put anything into a court order about not allowing him to have a “sleepover friend” with his 18 year old, legally an adult daughter in the house. But you go right ahead and try that.
  10. This daughter you’re so concerned with… Is this the same daughter who you have not helped to support at all since walking out without saying a word more than two years ago? Is it the same daughter you’ve seen only a handful of times since you walked out? I will acknowledge the fact you’ve shown up to her softball games. Generally you were barefoot, cheering inappropriately, or your boyfriend was trying to guilt her into talking to you. You also typically left before the game ended so you never actually interacted with her. Is this also the same daughter whose television you stole and then, when confronted, told her to prove it? Ultimately, you trashed her TV, never apologized, never replaced it, and continue to act like YOU are the victim.
  11. Enjoy the orange. Hmmm…. so many ways to go with this one.
    1. I didn’t realize a fruit basket was included.
    2. The mobster’s favorite- Thanks! I loves oranges!
    3. I guess if he needs any tips you’re the person to go to. God knows you’ve been in jail often enough.
    4. Again, pot, meet kettle. Somewhere in all of this there is a joke about orange being the new black.
  12. This has nothing to do with your text but I want to make it clear that I offered to stay at home and skip T’s graduation and party. The mobster wanted me there. T wanted me there. For her there wasn’t even a question as to whether or not I would be there. When she was told our concerns that you might show your ass if I was there her response was that if that happened YOU would be escorted off the property. Yes, I know that’s mean. No, I don’t care. You have brought all of this on yourself. Stop whining. Stop playing the victim.

Signed,

The woman who has been described as “a blessing” to the mobster and has been held up as the reason why he is “like a completely different man” by his family (I’ve also been told it’s nice to see him smiling again.)

Whew! I feel better. I guess we know why she was crying now, huh?

In many ways I feel bad about making light of it. I can imagine for a person who is used to being the center of attention it must be difficult to see another woman in her former house. It must be difficult to see your own family members embracing her. It would be difficult for me to know that my own family was staying with the ex and the new woman instead of with me. To be fair, in my situation I was the one who was cheated on; in her situation she was the one who cheated. I’m sure it was hard seeing me help myself to coffee or bustle around the kitchen preparing food for the party. Or seeing his family talk to me and interact with me. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she absolutely hated the fact that T wanted to get a picture with me, or that she hugged me and thanked me for her party. And as the person who always had her new boyfriend with her she has never been on the other side having to watch her ex with someone new.

Ultimately though just as I said above she brought all this on herself. She walked away. She was so full of herself and so confident that nothing she did would ever make him leave. She thought he would always be her back up plan; she thought he would never move on. He was supposed to be her whipping boy, mournfully awaiting her return, loyal until his dying day.

Sadly for her it didn’t work out that way. Instead she pushed him too far, before he ever knew I existed. He filed for divorce. He decided he was done with her. Then he met me and he’s never looked back.

The moral of the story is: Be careful what you wish for. The other moral of the story is: She’s batshit crazy!

Sam’s Untitled Message to Cousinfucker

I’ve been sitting on this one because I wrote it a few months ago and a lot has changed since it’s inception. Sadly, I haven’t been doing a very good job of keeping up with my blog so enjoy!

Dear Cousinfucker,

I’m beginning to think you didn’t mean it when you said you wanted us to “come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this” (I am guessing that “this” meant your affair with Harley) or when you encouraged me to “build a future relationship that we both can be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future.” Then again, we both know you were lying out your ass when you told me that while I would take a hit financially I would be provided for for life because your lawyer had me “covered for the rest of [my] life.” You certainly tried to worm your way out of that one, didn’t you?

I’m beginning to believe talk is cheap. It seems to be especially cheap when one side (you) has everything going their way while the other side (me) is being served a giant shit sundae and told to smile and eat up.

You don’t seem to be very happy for me. In fact, you seem quite bitter. I have to admit, I don’t quite understand it.

Sure, you could argue that I had no interest in being “happy” for you when you first broached the subject. I will point out that when you first extended this so called olive branch that I was in the initial phase of being discarded after twenty years of marriage. Not only was I being dumped, but I was also being replaced by the whore you cheated on me with two years prior. You had played me for a fool all summer long, once again. You had also cut me off financially so I was forced to live off of savings until the temporary support hearing and I wasn’t completely sure what was going to happen to me and our two kids. I was desperately hoping to be able to stay in the house until Rock Star graduated, and perhaps beyond that if Picasso wanted to stay and graduate from that school as well.

While I wasn’t cheering you on for your weekend fuck-fests I also wasn’t harassing you. I left you alone to play happy family with the whore and her kids. I didn’t call. I didn’t text. I didn’t chase you down in my car. I didn’t stalk you. I left your skank ass cousin alone, too.

And while you were home, using our children’s home as your extended stay hotel during the week? I left you alone. You were free to text all night with your whore. I didn’t send our kids to you to try to play on your pity (you don’t have any). I didn’t pound on doors. I didn’t scream and yell at you. Oh, I suppose I did occasionally play some songs from my freedom list very loudly. Aside from that, I ignored you. Yet you continued to act like the victim, crying to our daughter that you were treated worse than a piece of furniture. I didn’t fix you a plate and bring you your dinner every night. I no longer did your laundry. Worst of all I put bells on the door so I could hear you when you came in the house. I can see how that might have traumatized you.

Even during the darkest times you had it pretty easy. When I found out you had quit your job and fled the state I cried on my own, confided in my mom, poured my feelings out on my blog. When I found out you had lost your job and weren’t planning on sending me anymore money, again I cried on my own, confided in my mom, poured my feelings out on my blog. And then I went on to price almost everything in our home to try to sell at a garage sale and listed all of our furniture so that I would have money to move and to live on once I got back to Indiana. You didn’t hear a word from me. Not one single nasty text. Not a flurry of emails. Not one car ride down to where you were, making a big scene.

So again I’m trying to figure out how you justify being so angry at me. You got everything you wanted. Don’t you remember how you cried about what a disaster Virginia was? How you were destined to fail because Randy wouldn’t support you? How Charlie wouldn’t fade into the background like he was supposed to? You wanted to leave your job in Virginia and you did. Why so sad?

You wanted to work with your best friend. Don’t you remember how you lamented not taking him up on his previous offer? If I recall correctly you surmised that that was one of your biggest mistakes. But then like a fairy godmother he appears out of nowhere and manages to get you a job at his plant. It’s a dream come true! Granted, your children weren’t part of the package, but then again, you didn’t really bother with them anyway. It’s not like you offered to take them with you. They probably would have just gotten in the way when you wanted to spend the weekends with the whore. In the end though you got exactly what you wanted, what you thought you had lost. You got the chance to work side by side with your very best friend in the world! You had lunch with him every day. That is so exciting. I would be so happy about that. Why weren’t you? According to you, he was there for you. He listened to all your sad little tales of woe.

You wanted to move back to Kentucky. I remember you telling me how you’d love to be able to call your sister up and meet her for a drink. That’s not happening anymore, seeing as how you’ve labeled yourself an alcoholic and your sister still lives a good 2-3 hours away from you.  You know she won’t go out of her way to see you, and you seem far too lodged up Harley’s ass to go out of your way to see her. Therefore, you don’t see her that often. But you’re there and that’s what’s important! Plus, you got to spend your mom’s last years with her as well.

And remember how you told everyone that Harley made you so happy while I made you miserable? Well, now you’re with her! That is news for rejoicing.

Where are we again? Oh yes, you wanted to quit your job with PCA, you wanted to work with your best friend, you wanted to move back to Kentucky, and you wanted to be with Harley. By my count you got all of those things, although not all together. You did quit your job at PCA. You went and worked with Blockhead. Even got a promotion. Finally a GM and not a PM. Congrats! Of course, you ended up losing that job. But, all was not lost because it meant you got to live with your whore cousin in Kentucky full time. Bam! Two birds, one stone. You moved back to Kentucky and you moved in with the whore that made you so happy. You got everything you wanted. What more could you possibly want?

Was it the fact that I didn’t cry and beg and plead for your return? Instead I found a lawyer and filed for divorce, and then put you on ignore. Or were you miffed by the fact that I found out what was going on before you got to ambush me? That also meant I was able to take protective measures, like moving over all of our money into an account you couldn’t touch. You are very fond of your money so that probably pissed you off a lot! Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t completely at your mercy. Maybe it’s the fact that you couldn’t destroy me. I kept on going. Even worse, I found someone else.

About that… I don’t understand why you’re so pissy about my relationship with the mobster. I would think you would be happy for me. You’ve found what you think is a much better match for yourself. I know I’ve found a much better match for me. What’s that you said? We’re not good together. I know you will be whole without me. Take a minute and reflect upon those words. I’m thinking maybe you didn’t really believe I would be whole without you. Or maybe I was supposed to be whole without you or anyone else while you frolicked with the whore and basked in your unique love.

If you could stop being so butt hurt that I somehow managed to get over you and all your fabulousness and found love with someone else maybe you would realize that could actually turn into a very good thing for you. If I remarry you’re off the hook for spousal support. I’d think you would be doing everything in your power to make sure my relationship with the mobster worked out. I’m surprised you haven’t sent us on an exotic vacation or at the very least set up a romantic date night for us.

No, instead you wander around making snide comments about my love. What happened to being happy for one another? What happened to showing our children “that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future”? I’m so confused. Was that yet another round of bullshit to make you look evolved?

Look everyone! Sam and I are divorcing the right way. Look how happy she is for me and Harley. She’s not bitter or crying or upset. No! She realizes that we aren’t good together and that Harley is a much better match for me. She understands the importance of me being happy, and agrees that her happiness shouldn’t even be a consideration. She is completely in agreement with everything I want. 

She knows she will take a hit financially but she is so happy for me that she doesn’t care. Not even a little bit. She will do her dutiful job as the mother of my children and explain to them that they will have to learn to make do with less so that these other children might have everything they’ve ever wanted. And she will joyfully head back into the workforce after not having worked an outside job in over fifteen years. I’m sure she will get great satisfaction out of a low paying job. She doesn’t know it yet but she is going to love having to schedule vacation days instead of having a wide open schedule, and farming her parenting tasks out to others because she can no longer do it. Oh, it won’t be me, of course. I’ll be too busy playing doting daddy to Harley’s kids. But Sam will manage.

In fact, Sam and I have done divorce so well that she will face every challenge I throw at her with a smile. When her income goes down by 90% and mine stays the same, she won’t complain. When she is facing this divorce on her own while I have my cousin by my side, she will be happy for me. When I take off and move out of the state I drug them all to she will shrug her shoulders and realize I’m doing what’s best for me and my new family, and she will be happy for me. She will let me pay her whatever I decide is fair. She will never complain. She will never make demands. 

She will tell our children how much I love them and make endless excuses for me and my bad behavior. She will constantly reassure them that even though I’ve deserted them I still love them and they should still worship me and beg me for attention.

Best of all, Sam will spend the rest of her life pining away for me. I’m so fabulous I know she will never be able to find anyone else. She will live the rest of her life working a pathetic job, maybe even two or three of them, never having what she had when she was married to me, and spending her evenings and weekends all alone.

Ah, I refused to go gentle into the good night. That’s the problem, isn’t it, Buckaroo? I didn’t continue to do image management for you. I told the truth. I did what I was required to do and nothing more. I refused to settle for table scraps while you feasted on steak and lobster. Gone were the days of you and Harley living it up and her living out her gold digging dreams at my expense and the expense of your children. Instead you had to pay way more support than you thought you were going to have to, and that, my “friend”, is when you really began to change.

Life isn’t quite as much fun when you’re not withholding money from me and you and Harley are no longer able to spend, spend, spend because you’ve got a judge, judge, judge on your ass, ass, ass! Gone are the days of blowing through five grand a month on whatever it is that whores spend money on. Gone are the days of you having thousands to spend on whatever you want while I’m left to pay all the bills- while you continue to live at home. Gone are the days of knowing that I’m working two jobs just so that your kids can eat and wipe their asses in the same month, while you move your new fake family into a nice, big home in an upper middle class suburb complete with a pool and a clubhouse. No, now you have to manage ol’ Harley’s expectations with the reality that you owe me more than half of your paycheck. I bet you didn’t think you’d get imputed, did you?

That was probably the other piece that fell into place to make you change into somebody who no longer valued “being happy and whole”. That judge really ripped you a new one, didn’t he? He didn’t buy a word you said. Named your gold digger in court documents. Said you were perfectly capable of paying me more instead of putting all your money towards your “girlfriend” and her kids. Didn’t buy your mental health issues bullshit. Didn’t buy your PTSD excuse. And then told you if you were willing to move you could easily make what you had been making. Remember when he wrote that he found your “girlfriend” to be a major factor in your refusal to move away from Kentucky? I sure do.

Regardless, I hope you can take comfort in your new relationship. After all, she makes you so happy. I’m sure she won’t cheat on you, like she cheated on her first husband. Or like she cheated on you in the beginning. With her estranged first husband. You know, it was probably just a divorce negotiation trick.

I think I understand it now. When you said we should build a new healthy relationship based upon being happy for one another what you really meant was I needed to suck it up and be happy for you. When you said I would take a hit financially but we both knew your lawyer had me covered for life what you really meant was that I was going to be struggling for the rest of my life while you and Harley lived it up at my expense. When you said we weren’t good for each other and that I would be whole without you what you really meant was you had found someone else and I should spend the rest of my life wanting you and my old life back. You didn’t really think I would ever climb back up on top. You didn’t really think I would forge a great new life without you. You certainly didn’t think you’d be paying me as much money as you ended up paying. And you didn’t think I’d find an amazing new partner. Despite what lip service you gave the whole “we need to be happy and whole and model this brand new relationship model for our children,” you didn’t give a fuck about me and my happiness, did you?

Another Round of Bullshit To Be Refuted

Sam sure does love her some memes! I’m always trolling Pinterest for something fun. Sometimes I use my investigative talents for good, like when I made this darling Valentine’s Day advent calendar.

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Or, when I made this Halloween care package for Rock Star.

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Other times I use my powers for evil. So sit back and enjoy!

Let’s tackle step parenting first, shall we?

There are some really bizarre notions out there. Such as…

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No. Just no.

Before I go any further let me say I think there are some fantastic step parents out there. I don’t discourage people from having good relationships with their step kids. I think it’s wonderful when everyone gets along and likes each other. It’s great when the steppie isn’t trying to oust the kid from the parent’s life, or isn’t a horrible monster. I’m all for loving your step kid. However… fucking someone who has kids does not make you a parent.

I’m not remarried but I have two kids who have been ghosted by their dad. The mobster is not remarried but he has four kids who have been ghosted by their mom. Pretty much. It still does not make me mommy, or him daddy.

If our kids end up developing a good relationship with each of us then that’s great. If not, we’ll live.

In other situations, especially ones where the kids are much younger, if new step mommy wants to attend ballet recitals and take lots of pictures, great. If she wants to take the kid to the movies or go get ice cream, fantastic. That does not make the child hers. She will find that out very quickly if her husband decides to divorce her. She will have no rights to “her” kids.

Also, how insulting is it to act like the other parent no longer exists? I don’t stop being “Mom” simply because my former husband decides to marry someone else. He may have a new wife but my kids do not have a new mom. In my specific case I don’t think my kids could pick Harley out in a lineup. Which, incidentally, is not a new thing for her.

In cases where there are younger children though, no, you did not replace their mother. Stop it! Enjoy your relationship as is without insisting on the title of “Mom” to children who already have a competent mother.

Where there is adultery? Oh hell no! You may have taken my husband, but I’ll get over that. You try to take my kids? I’ll throw your fucking body in one of those cattle wells out in Montana where it will take them years to dig you out if they even know where to look. You want to take them fun places, buy them shit, have a good time? Knock yourself out. But you are NOT the mom.

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Are you for real? I mean, if by “mine” you mean, “my” stepchildren, well sure. They’re “your” stepchildren, as opposed to Helen’s stepchildren or Gloria’s stepchildren. If you mean “mine” as in my “children”, refer to above. No, they are not yours. They still have a mother. She still outranks you. They are not your children. You have no legal rights to them.

One of the people who commented on this said her two stepchildren were just as much hers as her husband and her biological son were. Again, if a divorce were to occur she would find out very quickly that they are not hers. She is in their lives because she is married to their father. Once that relationship is severed, so is the relationship with the kids. In most cases.

Besides, what is so wrong with acknowledging that you are a stepparent? I look at being a stepparent as being very similar to being a cool aunt. For the record, I am the coolest aunt out there. I rock that title! I have no doubt I would rock being a stepparent, too. I would get to do all the fun stuff while the parent had to deal with all the tough shit. I take them out shopping and to the movies and buy them lots of fun stuff, and Dad gets to discipline them because they’re his kids. Not mine.

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These are always my favorite. Where do I even start with this?

Okay, to begin, I would get off that high horse because the first thing you figure out once you become a parent is that EVERYONE has an opinion on what you’re doing, and 99% of them think you’re doing it wrong. It’s very easy to sit back on the sidelines and critique what someone else is doing. It’s not quite as easy when you’re in the trenches. Besides, if Wonder Stepmom were to ever have to deal with her own child having a stepmom I’m sure that stepmom would have plenty to say about Wonder Stepmom’s lack of parenting skills.

Secondly, I always wonder where the second parent is. I mean, okay Mom’s a piece of shit, but where is Dad? Is he falling down on the job, too? Can only women raise children? Has Dad done a piss poor job of raising his kids? If Mom is not around or is a lackluster parent then is he refusing to step up and leaving it all to Super Steppie? If that’s the case then I would say that Super Steppie might want to take that up with her hubby. Seems Mom is not the only one with the inadequate parenting skills.

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Would anyone like to guess why I picked this one?

I love how a woman knows the relationship is over and there are no hard feelings! Oh no! She realizes your happiness is the most important thing ever! She is also willing to work with you and will compromise (which is probably code for: let’s you have your way all the time). A real mother will get along with you for the sake of the child/ren.

Is it just me or is the real difference just how much shit she’s willing to take? If she doesn’t roll over and let you get away with everything she’s a damn baby mama. If she let’s you step all over her then she’s the mother of your child. Also, a damn fine kibble dispenser and someone who worships you.

Yes, I realize there are some women out there who will use their children as pawns. I don’t think it’s the majority of them. I also think there are a lot of people out there who think that if the baby mama/mother of the child won’t immediately cave to whatever demands the other parent has that it means she’s being difficult and creating drama.

These are very similar. And very wrong. Regardless of what kind of financial aid CF may toss my way I am very much a single mom. My kids are much older, but I’m a single mom, nonetheless. I have no husband or co-parent to help me out with Picasso when he needs to be picked up from school because the bus is running an hour behind, or because he has club that day. I can’t call my husband or co-parent if he misses the bus in the morning and needs to be taken to school. I do not have a partner or co-parent to help me out when he’s falling behind in school, or having any kind of emotional meltdown. Any problems that may arise I am expected to handle. When Rock Star needs something, she calls me. If she has questions or problems, I am the one to help her. I am totally on my own with the day to day care of both my kids.

Having been the single mom who wasn’t receiving a dime in support for my kids I can attest to the fact that receiving financial help is definitely preferable to not receiving it. Nonetheless, financial aid alone does not a parent make. Nor does it make us co-parents.

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Again, getting child support does not negate the fact that you do not have a partner helping you. What the hell is it about people getting their panties in a wad about someone calling herself a single mom? Next thing you know they’re going to be crying you’re not a single mom if you’ve got any kind of support system around to help you. Nope, if you’re a single mom then you have no one and no financial help. You also need to sew the kids’ clothes by hand, wash them down by the river by smashing them between rocks, grow their food, milk the cows, and slaughter the chickens yourself. Otherwise, you’re not a single mom.

Also, can we please stop with the whole, “Keeping him from them,”? While I’m sure some women do try to play keep away that is definitely not a factor in my situation. He has voluntarily walked away. I have never kept his children from him. He has made that decision all on his own.

 

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I don’t know why this one, or a variation of it, makes the rounds so often. Yes, I chose to have kids with him. I chose to have kids with a man who said family was very important to him. I chose to have kids with a man who I thought would always be faithful and loyal. I had kids with a man who I thought would always support his children, both physically and emotionally. I didn’t have kids with some guy who had ditched three or four other kids. I didn’t have kids with a man who had repeatedly cheated on his previous wives. I thought I had a good one. Unfortunately, he proved himself to be a lying coward who was more than willing to abandon his children for a new piece of ass.

I suppose we could argue that his actions throughout our marriage proved he wasn’t exactly Father of the Year material, but he also hadn’t completely abandoned them. He had his good moments, as I’ve always admitted. He’s not a bad dad because we divorced. He’s a bad dad because of his behavior since he was caught cheating on me. And yes, that is legit!

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Oh please! How very convenient for self-serving men who don’t want to part with any of their money.

We all know that children are free! There are no costs associated with them, and if there are any then you should be willing to shoulder that all by yourself. Forever. Because Big Daddy has a whore to entertain and new kids to impress. Be a dear and don’t ask for anything.

Real women go to court and get everything they’re entitled to by law. Real women don’t listen to their sniveling, conniving ex’s when they try to modify child support on their own. Real women don’t play that stupid game.

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I know I’ve said this at least twice already, but I will say it again. I know there are women out there who abuse child support. I know there are women out there who don’t provide for their kids even when Dad is paying support. I also know this is the kind of shit CF likes to promote about me.

Here’s the dirty truth. I do live support check to support check. Kids are expensive! But here’s the other thing: I have never asked CF for a dime beyond what he is court ordered to pay. When book fees come up for Picasso ($200 this year; $165 last year) I pay them. Rock Star still has a $4000 tuition bill. Guess who’s paying that? Guess who paid for her books? Guess who is paying her sorority dues? That’s another $1000+ this school year. Guess who pays for Picasso’s cello lesson and takes him to get whatever it is that he might need?

He can bitch and whine all he wants but I am still taking care of his kids.

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Fuck you! In my case, I can afford to get my hair done because of the SPOUSAL support I receive. And here’s the thing that most people don’t want to acknowledge. Once that money goes into my account- spousal, child, paycheck- it’s all mine. I can do with it what I want. But see above.

I’m getting child support for one child. Right now I’m getting less than what I’m supposed to because the ex thinks he has a law degree. I’m still supporting two children. I’ve got tuition, books, and sorority fees for my daughter. There are countless other things that come up. I use MY money- whether it’s paycheck, spousal support, or child support, to pay for those things. In addition to paying her car insurance and phone bill.

Picasso recently went to Ramen Con and I gave him spending money. They both get allowances so that they have some spending money. He takes cello lessons. This past May and June I bought him a new bed and replaced his phone that he had washed in the washing machine.

Neither of my kids is going without.

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Well yes, thankfully it is. When I do the math my alimony check is almost 3 times what I make at my job. Then again, I spent twenty years being a dutiful corporate wife. I moved around the country for him. I took care of the kids and the house. I was a full time chauffeur to them and their extracurriculars, and I made sure they had a variety of trips and outings.  I volunteered and was heavily involved in my kids’ schools. I never complained. So yeah, I look at it as severance pay.

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Oh, lookie there! Severance pay for greedy bitches! Boy, they sure do hate to pay out that alimony although they love fucking around.

To be fair I know there are men out there paying alimony to cheating wives, and wives who wanted the divorce but still wanted the lifestyle provided by their husband. That sucks. There is no way of getting around that. When I rip on these memes I’m ripping on CF because I know this is the kind of shit he would say. He’s already said it.

Actually, let me amend my statement. I don’t look at it as severance pay. I look at it as hazardous pay. I earned every fucking dime and he would be in no position to even pay me alimony if not for the sacrifices I made. He can suck it.

The Cardboard King Vs. the Potato Chip Squire

Sweet baby Jesus! I just wrote a five part series about the beauty of maintaining no contact and now I need to remember that advice desperately; I need to commit that shit to memory. This is me taking my own advice. I’m going to tell you my story and get it all out here on my blog so I don’t say something to that colossal asshat I was once married to. Believe me I am dying to let loose on him.

“What’s happened, Sam?”, I can hear you all asking.

I don’t want to talk about it.

The End.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, you know me so much better than that. Of course I’m going to tell you.

CF, aka The Cardboard King, finally sent me child support for July. You know how it is. He sends it when he feels like. He is completely in control.

You would think he couldn’t really pull any stunts with Venmo. I mean, back in the good ol’ days of snail mail we had the catchy little designs on the envelopes, the stop payments, the bounced checks. It was always an adventure. Then we switched to Zelle and that was pretty low key. Probably too low key for an asshole like him. I simply got an email from the bank notifying me of the transfer. Thanks to Rock Star losing my debit card we’re now doing Venmo and boy, is he having fun. You can write little messages so that people know why you’re paying them. Usually you see things like, “Bridesmaid dress”, or “Soccer dues”, or “Dinner and drinks”. Not so with him. You can even use emojis. CF really likes the emojis.

He must be furious that child support is going the way I said it would and not the way he decreed it would be.

You will take half, and no more. Read the papers, you worthless peasant! I am your master. Bow before me!

I’m all like, “Yeah, that doesn’t really work for me. Let me get back to you on that.”

And I did get back to him on that. Or rather my lawyer did. Surprise! I was right and he was wrong! For my efforts he invited me to a UFC fight!

I had received alimony from him but I figured he wouldn’t send a child support payment until he had the new order. You know, because it’s so much better to be hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars behind in child support rather than only a few hundred. He did surprise me, though. As I was leaving work, setting off to spend the weekend with the mobster I noticed he had sent a payment. Sometimes Venmo shows up on my home screen; sometimes it doesn’t. This time it didn’t and I happened to see it in email. Nonetheless, I was pleasantly surprised, thinking he wouldn’t send another cent until he had a court order.

Then I see the message he wrote:

Child support July 2018 (original amount absent pending revisionist history).

Your attorney has not given me the new $$$ required to keep you and the Potato Chip Squire living comfortably and able to meet up. When that amount is determined… then the amount will change.

I will admit I completely missed the first line, which would have given me ample notice that this was not some joking around by the ex. Forgive me; I was distracted by all the emojis! The second line had me scratching my head. Nice little shield emoji but I kept thinking to myself, “Why is he calling Picasso the Potato Chip Squire?” My boy’s got a gaming problem but to the best of my knowledge he has no potato chip addiction. I had to read it two or three times before it finally dawned on me.

Oh! He’s referring to the mobster! My love!

Here’s the background: I was married to a man who would become a production manager at a corrugated plant. Corrugated, for those of you not in the know, is NOT the same as cardboard, which is why I’m referring to him as the Cardboard King. He HATES it when people call corrugated cardboard. For a quick lesson on the difference please refer to Google or Wikipedia. I’m not going into it. I do want to point out, however, that I was a dutiful wife and I listened to many stories over the years about corrugated, fluting, folder gluer machines, Flex-O machines, corrugators (not the same as corrugated) starch, and the like. I know the difference.

I am now dating a man who owns his own business. He has a route and sells crackers, chips, nuts and the like. Ergo, the Potato Chip Squire. If anything the man is more of a Pretzel Squire, I would imagine. Or maybe even a Knight of Crackers. Sir ToastChee has a nice ring to it, I think, although I am more partial to the peanut butter and honey combination.

How insulting! All of it- the implication that I use child support to go meet up with the mobster, trying to diss his job, accusing me of “revisionist” history.

So far I have let it go. I was going to reply as soon as I stopped for gas. But I have not. I keep repeating the mantra: Any kibbles are good kibbles to people like him. But I can reply here!

The problem with hitting him back hard is that I only get one shot, and as usual he has provided me with so much material.

Child support July 2018 (original amount absent pending revisionist history).

Revisionist history? Are you shitting me? Does the Boy Genius not realize that if child support was indeed supposed to decrease by half as he insisted it did that I would not be able to go back and recalculate it?

Hey, Dipshit! Yeah, you or any of your minions if they’ve managed to find my blog. Did you forget that you were imputed at $170,000? I know your law degree from Imaginary U must be stellar, but give me a minute to slowly explain something to you.

NOTHING has changed about our situation. There is no “revising history”. This is not me taking you back to court because you got a new job and make more money. You were never going to be allowed to simply cut child support in half. That is not the way child support works. You don’t pay $500 for one child, and $1000 for 2 children and $1500 for 3 children. Our incomes are added together, health insurance is thrown into the mix, and through the magic of court calculations a percentage of our income is allotted for child support. That’s for one kid. When you throw in a second kid you have a higher percentage going towards child support. But it’s never doubled or tripled or quadrupled, based upon the number of kids you have.

I will again point to Exhibit A, your own words, when you “man-splained” to me how support was going to work.

My lawyer told me I’ll be paying you $X until Rock Star graduates. Then it will be $Y until Picasso graduates, and then I will pay you $Z.

Your own lawyer told you three years ago it wouldn’t decrease by 50%. Now because I tell you the same thing you’re suddenly rebelling. Or maybe you just thought you could fuck me over once more. She’s so stupid she’ll never realize it’s not cut in half; all I’ll have to do is say so and she’ll believe me.

Or how’s this for revisionist history?

Back in December, crying to Rock Star:

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The minute Rock Star graduates:

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Is that revisionist history or are you just a liar?

How about we go all the way back to the early days after DDay when you told me:

I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that. My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.

I’m not surprised that’s changed though. I don’t think you understand what a lifespan is, judging by how casually you toss out the phrases for life and the rest of my life.

Listen, Buckaroo, I’m sure you’re really disappointed that things aren’t going the way you thought they would. I realize you’ve got a whore to keep out of jail and she undoubtedly saw big dollar signs when your daughter graduated. $900 more per month for her to spend on her kids! Or on tanning! Or going on vacation! Or on a wedding! And then I have to come along and spoil it. #sorrynotsorry

Nice dig, trying to imply I’m extorting more money out of you (aka making you pay what you are legally required to instead of letting you call the shots) so that I can meet up with the mobster. Yes, because God knows it’s not like I now have to support two kids on less money. As I’m sure you know once Rock Star graduated she instantly became independent. A money tree sprung up in the backyard. Sadly, it appears to only let her pluck the bills off of it’s branches. I’ve got a goose that lays golden eggs and a pig that spits diamonds. We’ve also managed to find a tiny leprechaun that leaves gold coins on our pillows. I’d love to tell you more but I have to go feed my unicorn.

You know what the funny part is, people? I took a screenshot of his message and sent it to the mobster He had the exact same reaction that I did: Why is he calling Picasso the Potato Chip Squire?

We both were focused on the fact that child support is for the children. Not Cousinfucker, though. Nope, he’s all about keeping his money in his pocket. I couldn’t possibly be thinking about Rock Star and Picasso. Nope, it must be all about having enough money to meet up with the mobster.

With that in mind here are a few other retorts I would love to toss out. I chose to respond in meme.

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And my favorite (and the one I’m still debating replying with, sans meme, of course):

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The mobster’s favorite retort to CF’s taunts?

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As for this nonsense: When that amount is determined… then the amount will change? 

Oh, Cardboard King, as my lawyer would say, you are cute as a button. Where did you get your law degree again?

I’m not a genius like he is but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. First of all, despite what he believes he doesn’t get to modify child support based on his own whims. That brings us to the second point. If he hasn’t modified child support, legally, then doesn’t he still owe me the full amount? Isn’t it standard that until the new contract is signed the old contract is still in effect?

I was telling this story to my hair stylist today and one of her co-workers was listening in as I told her how he had calculated child support for Rock Star down to the half hour and had cut support in half once she graduated. The poor woman sat there with a stunned expression on her face.

“Doesn’t he know that’s not the law? That’s not how it works!”

I nodded sympathetically. His antics are unbelievable for the uninitiated; I’m a pro at it by now. Nothing he says or does shocks me. I assured her that he is the smartest man in the world; he knows everything. He doesn’t need no stinkin’ judge, or petty ass court order telling him what to do! He is in charge! He makes the rules and tells me how it’s going to be; I need to shut up, sit down and follow along with whatever he says.

2f2bla

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More Advice From Mort

Oh, Mort; you’ve gotta love him. The mobster googled him and apparently for a mere $775/hour you can see him in person for counseling. If you want the intensive in-home counseling though you’ll have to shell out $8500/day plus travel expenses.

I told the mobster I was going into business for myself. For a bargain price of $5000/day I will follow you around and slap you upside the head whenever you start to feel pity for your cheater. I will research the hell out of Chump Lady blogs and give you snarky, sane advice. I will tell you that you deserve better and try to compel you to look at the reasons you’re willing to settle for so little. I’ll regal you with stories of how life can be so much better without a cheater. I’ll tell you that you can do this, that you are mighty, that you can overcome all obstacles. I’ll hopefully get you to realize there are no such things as personality transplants, and that the person you’re leaving is not a good person if they could do these things to you. If you wish to do this over the phone? $225/hour. Same price for in person counseling sessions. I figure I have as much experience and training as good ol’ Mort so why not?

Alas, the problem is no one wants to hear my message. They all want to believe that it can be fixed and that there is a magic formula to save every marriage. No one wants to hear that their partner is an entitled nitwit. They don’t want to be told that they are doing all the work while the spouse who should be doing the work is sitting back watching you dance.

They want to be told that deep down the cheating spouse is a good person. They’re suffering from toxic shame. They’re in a fog or suffering a midlife crisis. That “hurt people hurt people”. They have FOO issues. They don’t trust. They’re afraid of being vulnerable. They need your 100% guarantee that if they agree to give up the side piece you’ll promise not to leave (and to never bring up the affair again either).

That’s where Mort comes in. Listen to him and he guarantees that your marriage will be restored and you’ll be more in love than ever, or your money back.

I’ll give you his tips for free, but not without a bit of added snark.

  1. Don’t spy! Spying is bad; cheating not so much. According to Mort, spying is another form of betrayal. <gasp> Yes, spying is just like fucking another person behind your spouse’s back. They are exactly the same. It is, as he likes to call it, a violation of trust. You know what violates your trust, Mort?  Being moved 2000 miles across the damn country so your husband can get closer to his whore cousin! Having your husband try to get you to send naked pictures while he’s with his whore cousin. Showing other people naked pictures he’s taken of you while you were asleep. Telling you that he’s sending his mom money every week when the reality is he’s sending Harley the Whore money. Letting you get online and pay his whore’s cell phone bill. Those are violations of trust. Checking phones, hacking into emails, following a spouse, or plotting to put a voice activated recorder in cars pales in comparison. Not to mention those actions are all taken due to the mindfuck the betrayed spouse is living through. He urges you “not to go there” because you’ll just add to the distrust in the marriage and make matters worse. Yes, trying to get honest answers is the root of all evil. Few marriages can withstand that. Remember folks, it’s not the cheating that is the problem. It is uncovering the cheating that is the problem. Maintain your decency and integrity, chump! Okay, he didn’t call you a chump; I did. But it’s the same damn thing. Eat that shit sundae and smile while you’re doing it! You’re the better person!
  2. Hang in there! Put your life on hold! The vast majority of affairs end within a year, he tells us.  You’ve got nothing better to do than to wait out the affair partner. The affair will die. And surely there will never be another one. Don’t make an impulsive decision. Don’t impose consequences. Don’t think about yourself and what you deserve. Hang in there until the affair runs its natural course. Because again, you’ve got nothing better to do than to wait for your unfaithful spouse to wake up and come back to you. Your needs don’t matter. You don’t matter. Only the cheater matters. He goes on to advise that after the affair dies maybe you and your spouse might see your marriage and your future differently. Yep, I’m sure the cheater is thinking, “Holy shit! I can’t believe I almost had to do all this shit on my own!  Who would have done my dishes? Who would have done my laundry? Who would have cooked for me? Who would have contributed to the bank account? Who would have taken care of the kids? I don’t want to be alone. I need somebody to be here to take care of me and make my life easy. Plus… sex.
  3. Kill ‘em with kindness. I like the way you’re thinking I just don’t like your technique. I was thinking more along the lines of a crowbar Mort realizes the cheater doesn’t deserve it but offers up this gem: If you want to spoil his (or her) affair and turn your marriage around, don’t treat your spouse the way he treats you; treat your spouse the way you want him to treat you. He believes that the cheating spouse wants the betrayed spouse to leave them alone so they feel “emotionally free” to philander, but when you extend kindness it tugs on their conscience and ruins their justification for betraying you. No, Mort, no it doesn’t. That is not how this works. Cheaters cheat because they can. They feel entitled to cheat and they have crappy character. They look at kindness as a weakness. You tell your cheating spouse that nothing they do will ever make you stop loving them and they’ll kick you even harder. They are never thinking about you; they think about themselves. They love nothing more than being central. They fuck around and you dance as fast as you can to try to entice them back. It is one huge platter of cake to them.
  4. Seduce ‘em. Oh brother. He does say that no one should do anything sexually they don’t want to. I want to make that clear before I tear him a new one. He goes on to offer this useful nugget: …it’s helpful to rev up the sexual part of your relationship. Your friend may have told you, “Don’t let him have his cake and eat it too.” Yeah, you’ll feel vindicated withholding sex. But what will that accomplish? Perhaps they will preserve their dignity? Then again, who cares about your dignity when you’re fighting for your man (or woman)? It’s punitive; it’s not healing. Um, excuse me, but not having sex with someone who clearly has no respect for you and who has more than likely been gas lighting and lying to you for God only knows how long is not punitive. It’s common sense. Obviously if the cheated on spouse wishes to have sex, feel free, but how dare you try to shame someone into fucking their lying, cheating spouse? Show her (or him) what she (or he) will be missing if he takes his business elsewhere. Ah, the ol’ pick me dance performed on your back. Or your knees. Or cowgirl style. Hey, my mother isn’t the only one with a dirty mouth.

What do I know? My husband cheated and I didn’t follow Mort’s brilliant advice and now I’m divorced. Would I still be married if I had followed it? Pretended everything was fine? Seduced him on a regular basis? Never checked his phone?  I doubt it. What he wanted was total annihilation of the past. Don’t ever bring it up. Don’t ever let it affect you. Be grateful that I, cheating, lying CF, gave you a second chance. Be grateful that I chose you, Sam, over the cunt face cum dumpster.

I feel that I did do a lot of what Mort suggests. I listened with an open mind. I made changes and gave him what he said he wanted. All the changes were on my end, though; none on his. After October of 2013, a mere two months after finding out he had sniffed her out again and had been carrying on with her all summer long, I didn’t bring it up again until we were ready to move and he tried to keep me off the deed to our new house in Virginia. But that wasn’t enough for him. I wasn’t allowed to have any feelings about his affair with her. I was supposed to grant immediate forgiveness to everyone in his family, despite the fact that none of them asked for it, and none of them cut ties with her. And God forbid I have a bad day!

That brings me to my final point. Perhaps the real question isn’t whether or not I would still be married if I had followed Mort’s advice. The real question is whether or not I’m better off now without him. The answer to that is a resounding YES!

Warning: Unapologetic happy photos ahead.

How could I not be madly in love with someone who writes love letters on the sidewalk?

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My new favorite, I think.

 

Yes, maybe I could have kept my lying, cheating husband if I had followed Mort’s advice; but then I would have missed out on all of this.

The Myth of the Sexless Marriage

I was reading a conversation over on DC Urban Moms and Dads. The original poster asked why on earth anyone would recommend Chump Lady’s site because she was so bitter, angry and negative. Several people patiently pointed out that anger is useful to get you through the initial phase of being discarded and accepting what you married. Others pointed out her tag line is: Leave a cheater, gain a life. She’s not into the reconciliation business. Eventually it meandered over into the fact that men NEED sex and that most people who cheat do so because of sexless marriages.

Well, of course they do! It couldn’t be the fact that the person has bad character. It couldn’t be the fact that the cheater lacks impulse control, or feels entitled to anything he or she desires. It couldn’t be the fact that they act like toddlers, throwing a tantrum anytime things don’t go their way. It can’t be that they are needy and clingy and are bottomless pits of need. No, it must be because their spouses (wives usually) have cut them off from sex, forcing them to cheat. They wouldn’t do this awful thing if the “refusing” spouse would simply hop into bed and participate. This is not their fault! It’s the cheated on spouse’s fault!

Why not divorce? Coz reasons! It’s no fair that if my wife cuts me off from sex and I believe that’s a deal breaker then I have to be a grown up and make hard choices. One person even put it like this:

I’m not comfortable defending the position of a cheater but…

A wife who unilaterally chooses to be sexless gives her husband a Hobson’s choice. Either cheat or divorce, and along with divorce comes a free raping by the divorce court. Losing their kids, their house, half their stuff and the added bonus of continuing to pay the person who caused this for the rest of their life. That’s a ridiculous choice to have to make. So in that case, cheating is not a wholly unreasonable solution.

A wife whose husband has become sexless can make a legitimate choice to divorce with limited negative consequences, so there is no excuse for them to cheat.

Oy. And vey. Dramatic much?

A wife who unilaterally chooses to be sexless gives her husband a Hobson’s choice.

First of all, who are these wives this person speaks of who entirely cut their husbands off? There is a difference between, “I want to have sex six times a week but my spouse will only give it up twice,” vs. “I haven’t had sex in five years.” Not to mention, cheaters lie. It’s what they do.

CF will tell anyone who will listen that we hadn’t had sex in ten years. That is an outright lie. He will also tell people he is an Army Ranger. That is another outright lie. He lies. It’s what he does. I feel like I’m in a fucking Geico commercial!

In addition, the only spouses I’ve ever heard of who cut their spouse off sexually were the cheaters! They did it to maintain control. Meanwhile, they were out there screwing anything that moved.

Either cheat or divorce, and along with divorce comes a free raping by the divorce court. Losing their kids, their house, half their stuff…

Secondly, if you do even the tiniest bit of research you will find that it is generally women who pay the greatest price when it comes to divorce. Hell, I know I got a great deal compared to some people but my standard of living is still far, far below what it was. I will again remind the reading audience that while CF is indeed paying out in excess of 60% of his paycheck to me, he’s doing so because he refuses to leave his sweetie behind to find a better paying job. He was imputed at his previous wages. Even with a ten month gap in employment and being basically fired for drinking on the job, he managed to get a $100,000/year job. I finally got one for $11/hour. He lives in a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom 3000 sq. foot home which looks eerily like our old home in Virginia, with a community pool and a community clubhouse. I live with my mother, have no bedroom to call my own, and sleep on the couch.

Sure, there are stories of women who take their husbands to the cleaners. The ironic part? They’re usually the ones cheating. I know far more women who have been left destitute after a divorce.

…and the added bonus of continuing to pay the person who caused this for the rest of their life.

I’m pretty sure CF must have written this. Yet another person lamenting having to pay “for the rest of their life.” No, it’s not the rest of their life. In many states they pay nothing aside from child support! Child support ends at some point. Spousal support ends at some point. In my case it will end in 16 years. That is hardly “the rest of his life”.

I loved this though: So in that case, cheating is not a wholly unreasonable solution.

A wife whose husband has become sexless can make a legitimate choice to divorce with limited negative consequences, so there is no excuse for them to cheat.

Nice! So men are forced to cheat because otherwise they may have to give up some of their stuff. Women, on the other hand, never have an excuse to cheat.

It’s too bad some of these people never grew up. If they had they would understand that sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy. They would understand that on occasion you get to choose between two shitty things. These poor babies just assume the fact that divorcing comes with consequences they don’t want to face means they should be excused for cheating.

Could we please stop acting like women (or whoever is withholding) have all the power? It’s not like a stay at home mom who is “refusing” to have sex has nothing to lose if her husband leaves her. Many states start with 50/50 custody so she stands to lose her kids. Even if she has primary custody she still misses out on weekends and holidays with her kids. A woman who divorces may find her children being raised by another woman. After reading a Mom vs. Stepmom debate board for over ten years it seems to me that women are much more territorial when it comes to the children. Many states have no alimony, so even if she does get custody of the kids, she won’t be receiving it any longer than 18 years and it will go down as each child ages out. Her chances of finding a job where she makes as much money as her husband are fairly low unless her degree is in something that will remain current- think nursing. I’ve known women who were teachers, IT professionals, and accountants who struggled going back into the workforce after years of staying home with children. If she was already working then he’s not going to end up paying her alimony anyway, if they live in a state that awards it, unless he makes significantly more than her. And, if their salaries are very similar he might not end up paying her much in child support either- probably none at all if custody is 50/50.

It’s all a narrative to justify cheating. Those trying the hardest to justify it keep referring to the “refuser” in the relationship and how that person is the one who first broke vows. Apparently, one of the vows you make when you get married is to have sex on demand. If that vow isn’t met then the other spouse is justified in cheating, or so their theory goes.

Even when it’s pointed out that if that is indeed happening then both parties know they are not having sex. The person being refused sex is not left in the dark. When the other person decides to go outside of the marriage both parties are not aware of it. When that is pointed out, and divorce is offered up as the responsible response to such a situation (not getting all the sex you deserve) they once again chime in with, “But… consequences! Why should I suffer any consequences for any of my decisions? I have to cheat. I deserve to cheat because they won’t do what I want them, no NEED them, to do.” They are nothing but big ol’ cake eaters.

Here’s another truth. It’s not about the sex. If he’s getting it twelve times a week at home then he’ll complain that she won’t do anal, or oral, or some other thing. Or it’s that she won’t do a threesome or let him watch her have sex with another guy, or participate in a gang bang, or agree to an open marriage, or participate in S&M. Look at the swinger from last week. He and his wife are having sex upwards of five times a week and he wants to be able fuck strange on the side. His complaint about his first wife wasn’t simply that she only wanted sex a few times a month. It was also about the fact that she wasn’t willing to indulge his other fantasies.

If you read Chump Lady you will hear that narrative over and over: I had plenty of sex with my husband, but he went looking for other sources because I wouldn’t… (fill in the blank).

People don’t cheat because they’re in sexless marriages. I would be willing to bet that most of them who make that claim aren’t even in sexless marriages. They cheat because they feel entitled to cheat. They cheat because they want to eat cake, as Chump Lady would say. They cheat because nothing is ever enough for them and no amount of groveling and catering to them will ever make them happy or satisfied. They always demand more. They cheat because they don’t want to have to do the hard work of filing for divorce and going through everything that entails. It’s far easier to keep your spouse and some strange on the side, than it is to be honest and do the hard thing. They cheat because they have convinced themselves that it’s YOUR fault. You’ve made them do this; the poor lambs didn’t have a choice.

Don’t fall for the narrative, folks. People with an ounce of common sense don’t ask what the rape victim could have done to prevent the rapist from raping her/him. People with an ounce of common sense don’t tell the battered spouse, “If only you would do (fill in the blank),” or “If you wouldn’t do (fill in the blank) your spouse wouldn’t be driven to abuse you.” People with an ounce of common sense should also realize no one makes another person cheat. It’s a damn choice. Own it!

#riseup

The Money Game

I absolutely hate communicating with CF in any way. As expected the first bi-weekly payment didn’t arrive by Wednesday (the 17th). I’m tired of being passive about his non-payment so I texted. I wasn’t nearly as wordy as I originally thought I was going to have to be. I simply let him know I hadn’t received the check yet. Oh, I prefaced it with the reminder he had asked to pay bi-weekly and I agreed. I also acknowledged I didn’t know which Friday he was actually paid but regardless he had had enough time to send me the support check.

Oh my! You would have thought I’d been hounding him for months. He told me to “check [my] damn mailbox” and concluded with, “Greedy much.”

Yes, that’s me. Greedy ’til the very end. Actually expecting him to keep current on his support obligations? What a bitch! I guess since he finally sent his arrears he figured he didn’t need to pay again for a few months.

He proceeded to inform me that he had no idea why I didn’t have it, it wasn’t his fault if the post office didn’t get the mail to me on time and then let me know he hadn’t received proof that I had health insurance on the kids. That would be nice to see as well, he wrote.

Hmmmm… maybe I didn’t have it yet because he had mailed it the day before I sent the text! And had the audacity to act as though I was being unreasonable in reminding him.

I’m also going to disagree that it’s not his fault. Obviously, if you get paid on Friday and don’t bother to send a check until Tuesday it’s your fault the payee hasn’t gotten paid yet. Furthermore, even accepting his lame lie that he sent it on time, it may not be his *fault* I haven’t received the check but it certainly is his *problem*. I’m not sure how likely the judge is to believe the check just takes a really long time to get to me every month.

As for the snark about the proof of insurance- that was never required. Ask nicely and I will probably be willing to show you proof. Be an asshole and you can go fuck yourself. Guess which category he’s in?

He concludes his little rant with the following: You will have your “well deserved” funds in plenty of time before the month end. Don’t stress yourself out.

What a condescending little twat waffle! Yes, I’m “stressing myself out” by reminding him he owes me money and I haven’t received it.

I am a little curious about the quotation marks around well deserved. I’m wondering if that’s a clue he’s been hacking into yet another area of my life. I’m not sure I’ve ever described support as “well deserved” but perhaps I have. Or perhaps someone close to me did and that’s his little way of letting me know he’s everywhere.

Would you like to know how this story ends? I checked the mailbox that day at lunch (I sent the text on Wednesday and he didn’t reply until Thursday) and lo and behold there was a check! For $902.91- half of child support. No new images on the envelope. A few days later I get another check. This one was for $1400- half of spousal support. I must tell you he wrote on the memo line: Court ordered alimony. He must really resent that. This envelope had the same picture as the last alimony check.

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Does anyone out there in the blogosphere knows what the hell it means?

I just found out he sent yet another check for the other half of child support. I guess I’ll get the last $1400 on the last day of the month. So much for, “You will have your ‘well deserved’ funds in plenty of time before the month end.”

Is it just me or is he playing games? The judge orders him to pay in full on the 1st of the month. He has his lawyer ask me/my lawyer to allow him to pay bi-weekly because that’s how he gets paid. I agree to this. He then proceeds to pay me whenever he feels like (I still don’t know if he got paid on the 5th or the 12th). Instead of paying me the slightly less than half amount he asked to pay, he instead pays me the full half of child support. Days later he sends me the full half of spousal support, and another week or so later sends me the second half of child support, paying it in full.

Why even bother asking if he can pay it bi-weekly (remember this will be smaller payments every other week instead of the lump sum) if he’s just going to pay the full amount? My mom thinks it’s all about power. He wants to continue to play games and show everyone that no one is the boss of him. He’ll pay when and what he wants.

I know what everyone is thinking: Garnish his wages! I’ll tell all of you exactly what I told my mom and my brother. I don’t give a shit how he pays me so long as I’m paid in full each month. If he wants to think he’s driving me crazy by not paying until the second half of the month I’ll let him. No sweat off my back. He’d better not be late though because once the last day of the month rolls around with no check I’m going straight to whomever to get that shit garnished. One bounced check? One stopped payment? Garnishment.

Hell, this way he’s actually paying me the full amount. I also know that if I garnish his wages I won’t get as much as I’m getting when he pays me. Plus, I’m always waiting to see what new and fun designs he has for me on my envelopes. It makes my day!

Update: I got the second half of my alimony today! And there were no new images on the check. In fact, there was nothing on the check except my name. The memo line read simply: Alimony.

I wonder if he’s finally tired of playing games. Or maybe he’s given up trying to get a reaction out of me. Perhaps he is finally resigned to his fate.

Mark your calendars, folks. This is two months in a row that he has paid in full. That hasn’t happened since before he lost his job.

More Musings On His Delusional Text

I’m not going to dwell on this too much because it doesn’t deserve anymore of my time. There were a few things I wanted to touch on though, and I know the original post was getting quite long. I thought it would be much easier to break it up into at least two posts.

The mobster was losing his shit when I first told him about this. He was all set to call him and tell him to knock it off. He wanted me to march down to the police department and file a restraining order as well. He even thought about filing one.

I explained that none of that would make a difference. If anything it would either a. inflame the situation even further, or b. just give him a huge amount of kibbles. He’s not central in my life. Why let him think he is?

My brother was a lot more restrained and I think that helped to reign in the mobster. Document, document, document. Oh, he did tell me I need to get my license to carry and buy a gun and start going to the range. That’s on my To Do list for the weekend. It looks like this:

  1. Put my clothes away
  2. Do laundry (yes, those really are two separate things and I can stand to put clothes away before I actually do laundry)
  3. Get my liquor license so I can bartend on weekends
  4. Pick up the house
  5. Write a couple blog posts
  6. Do something with my kids
  7. Get my license to carry
  8. Buy a gun
  9. Respond to blog comments and FB messages

Fun stuff, huh?

Maybe I’m stupid or sticking my head in the sand, but I’m really not that worried. He hasn’t seen his kids in almost 2 years. He supposedly can’t drive once again, according to his court testimony. He can only drive 6 hours for pussy and murder? I doubt it. Pussy? Obviously. Murder? He’s too lazy to make the effort.

My sister-in-law did talk to a retired police officer she knows about the situation and I’ve been told I can file a report for the harassment he’s been doing, and then seek a no contact order through the courts. I was a little surprised because the rant was to his sister, not me. He didn’t seem overly concerned or think that I was in imminent danger.

My brother has said pretty much the same thing. As long as he’s with Harley I should be safe. If Harley dumps him once the money runs out he thinks I might want to keep a closer watch over my shoulder.

I’ve always thought that if he was going to try to kill me (yes, it has crossed my mind- I used to watch a lot of ID TV) that he would either shoot me from a distance, or he would hire someone. I remember him telling me stories of how he had shot people in Iraq from quite some distance, and much like he’s practically a Ranger, he’s also practically a trained sniper. And a hired hit man? Well, it certainly keeps his hands clean. He is the smartest man you’ll ever come across so he undoubtedly would believe that would be a fail proof plan. My brother, however, doesn’t think CF would try to shoot me from some distance away; nor does he think he would hire someone. If it ever comes to that he believes it will be up close and personal. He’ll either shoot me or potentially stab me. Either way it will be face to face. Or so he believes. Which is why I’m supposed to get a gun and carry it with me at all times. And spend plenty of time at the range.

I also contacted my lawyer to let her know what was going on and to get her opinion. I let her know I had proof he was the one who hacked my account. I told her about the email lists I’m pretty sure he’s signing me up for. I told her about the message to his sister and read a few key parts. She asked me if I was afraid for my life and I told her I wasn’t. She said she could send an email to his attorney and tell her I was going to file a police report if he didn’t knock it off, but that I would be tipping my hand. He probably wouldn’t stop; he would just go further underground and not contact anyone he knew I was communicating with. If he really was going to come after me it would be best if he was doing everything in the open, none the wiser, and I could keep an eye on him somewhat, at least through other people.

Having spent a good many years watching Criminal Minds, and reading books about killers, I am also well aware that people can become unhinged after a stressor in their life. With Tammy Faye being sick and almost dying I do sometimes worry that the loss of his mother will send him around the bend. It’s not an overwhelming fear, but the thought is there. I will be vigilant if it happens.

I know he’s concocted this alternate reality where I’m the villain and he’s the victim. I’m a money hungry, parental alienating monster that emotionally abused him, dismissed his mental health issues, treated him like an ATM machine, and never loved him or took care of him. I pretty much drove him into Harley’s arms. And now I’m destroying another woman’s happy home, causing their children endless amounts of pain because I’ve decided to steal their father for my very own.

Most of it I shrug off. I know the truth. I also know that trying to defend myself against his wild, delusional accusations will all be for naught. He is always the victim. He’s done nothing wrong.

I know that his sister did not help me. We had maybe four or five conversations throughout the entire divorce. I clearly remember the first one because it was right after she sent me the message telling me she would always consider me family, and her saying that all he had told her was that I had filed for divorce and he didn’t know why. You can bet your ass I called her up and set the record straight. Oh hell no! He was not going to get to act like the victim.

I remember talking to her at least one other time where she told me he had told her I had thrown all of his things away and I refused to let him take anything from the house.

Aside from that it was a random, “Happy New Year” or “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Mother’s Day” text. Hardly earth shattering and ultimate betrayal type stuff. Certainly not bad enough to be put on a very exclusive enemies list!

She told him from the beginning that he was going to pay a very steep price for leaving me after twenty years of marriage and me being a stay at home mom who had followed him all over the country. I already knew that; it was certainly nothing she clued me in to. I had talked to a lawyer two days after finding out what he was up to. I knew what I was entitled to. He’s the one that didn’t believe her. He’s the one that didn’t do his homework and then lied to his attorney so he wasn’t given the full picture of what he would be paying.

I don’t regret my relationship with the mobster at all. I do regret the fact that I gave Cousinfucker even a tiny little opening to assuage his guilt, if it can even be called that. Sociopaths don’t have guilt.

He can use the fact that two years after he’s caught cheating on me I am finally with someone who treats me the way he should have all those years, and try to twist it as though I’m doing the exact same thing he did. Between him and Batshit Crazy they can convince themselves that I’m a man stealing home wrecker. He can try to sell this idea that I deserved every shitty thing he did to me because I’m a home wrecking whore, not some innocent victim.

It bothers me a little bit. Because I have a conscience! But overall, I’m good. I know the truth. I know that both of us were living separately from our cheating spouses who were living with their affair partners. I know that both of us were already into the divorce process before we met.

Unlike CF and Harley I never posted about me and the mobster on social media. I never talked about our relationship to anyone who knew CF. I was perfectly content for the mobster to be a secret from CF forever. Let him think I was miserable and alone. He found out about it when he hacked my Facebook page. Sadly, short of me refusing to entertain the thought of any contact with another male for the almost 2 1/2 years it took for my divorce to be final, there was nothing I could have done. When we started texting I never planned for it to turn into what it did; I had no intentions of this turning into a relationship. I figured we would text a few times and that would be it. It would be platonic and probably short lived, seeing as how all it was was texting. I suppose that’s what CF thought I deserved- to be alone forever, pining for him and mourning the loss of my old life.

Believe me- I did pine. Never for him because I was done with him after he cheated again. I did mourn the loss of my old life. I mourned what happened to my children. I freaked out over my financial situation, especially considering Mr. Genius didn’t think paying support was a necessity. In the end though I did as Winston Churchill advised: I found myself in Hell and I just kept going. He can’t stand the fact that I didn’t fall apart, that he wasn’t able to destroy me. I think he’s really pissed that I have found someone else and that I’m happy. I think he wanted me to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Now that he realizes that’s not going to happen he’s enraged. I’m sure the fact that I won’t keep my mouth shut doesn’t help matters either.

Yes, I’ve poked the bear a bit. You know what? I’m going to keep poking when I feel like it. I’m going to keep posting my happy pictures of me and the mobster. CF and Harley got to do it for two years while I was living a nightmare. They were told constantly how happy they looked and how they deserved it. Happiness looks good on you! Love you both! You deserve happiness. Those were all comments I got to see, made to the two people who were engaged and living together, having demolished my life and the lives of my kids. Now it’s my turn. Suck it, buttercup! If you don’t want to see the happy couple then stay off my Facebook page.

I’m also going to text him next Wednesday if I don’t have a check by then. If he gets shitty with me? He’s going to get a text very similar to this:

Your behavior has caused me to repeatedly have to take legal action in order to get you to do the right thing. I would think what with you being a genius and all that you would be able to foresee the consequences of your poor behavior. 

I realize you don’t see it this way but I have been a dream ex-wife. I didn’t publicly out you or toss you out of the house. I don’t harass you. I don’t contact you. I have left you alone to live out your ultimate fantasy- living with your soul mate/cousin who brings you so much happiness, at one point working side by side with your best friend, and residing in Kentucky near your mommy and your sister so you can see them anytime you want. 

You wanted to pay bi-weekly instead of in a monthly lump sum; I agreed even though I didn’t need to. I have never demanded payment on the due date, or even harangued you for payment. And yet you continue to try to play games. You continue to try to mess with me, and by extension, your children. Very well. I can see that I will once again have to be the adult and put an end to this silliness. When your employer contacts you to let you know that you have a garnishment order against you, remember you brought this upon yourself.

That’s really what this all comes down to, doesn’t it? He’s pissed that he has to pay me sufficient support instead of that $1500/month bullshit he wanted.

So why am I not surprised that you support a disgusting whore and aided her in getting the maximum money possible from me.

Why do I not get the full credit for having made sure he paid the maximum money possible? And, not to pick but I do feel the need to make a point of clarification: I did not get the maximum amount possible. We asked for $4000 in spousal support alone; I got $2800. The judge could have imputed his wages at $236,000; he ignored the bonus and stock options and imputed at $170,000.

She never helped me with anything! Certainly not in obtaining “the maximum money possible”! She didn’t act as a character witness for me. She didn’t feed me incriminating information. She didn’t disown him. She simply remained in my life because she loves my kids.

No, he’s just mad because the judge didn’t buy his bullshit. He’s angry because he and Harley might feel the pinch finally, and the party is over. How dare I let him feel the impact of this divorce? How dare anyone hold him accountable for his shitty decisions and poor choices?

You know the really sad part? He did all of this because he deserved to be happy. In the end I’m the happy one. I had accepted that he might get away with financial rape. I had sadly accepted the fact that my lifestyle has taken a huge hit. As the mobster would ask, “Are we going to be happy?” The answer was a resounding, “Yes!” We’re going to live in that cardboard box and we’re going to beg on the streets and go for coffee later and we’re still going to be happy, because we’re together.

Compare that to CF and Harley. Together they bring home over $11,000 plus whatever she gets for child support. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that they have around $12,000/month to call their own. Once he pays me they still have at least $6700 left over (and I’m not counting her child support which she will get for at least another 8 years; I’m also not counting the times he gets paid three times a month). He still bitches and whines. Yes, he has to pay me a very large chunk of his salary. For now.

Why not look at it like this? First of all, he will get a “pay raise” in June and he will have anywhere from $400-$800 more to call his own. Conversely I will have $400-$800 LESS to call my own. In another three years he will be completely finished with child support and will be paying only $2800/month, or $1292.31 every other week. Meanwhile, I’m sure good ol’ Harley will get annual increases in salary. CF will get annual increases in salary, if he doesn’t flat out get another job. Sure, I can get an annual increase as well but seeing as how I make a fifth of what he makes and around a fourth of what she makes, it stands to reason my salary isn’t going to increase as quickly. Regardless, even if everything stayed the same, in a little over three years they would be living on approximately $8400/month while I live on less than $3600/month. Which one of us should be whining about money? I’m pretty sure it should be me but I’m not. He should be doing the happy dance but he’s not.

Second of all, does the genius not realize he can go out and get another job making up to $170,000 and it won’t affect his support at all? He was imputed at that income! If he were willing to move he could easily make anywhere from $1000-$3000 more per month and that would all go in his pocket. Or at least the family coffers.

The fact he made poor financial decisions throughout this entire process is not my problem. I guess he thought he would take it all and I would be left with nothing. Hey, according to him I wasn’t smart enough to figure out where the vast majority of the money was so he should be happy, right?

Joke’s on you, Cousinfucker; I don’t care if you squirreled money away. You’re still a miserable human being who will never be satisfied. You blew up an entire family for your happiness and you’re still unhappy. I’m living a whole different life and living on a whole lot less money but I’m the one who is happy. I’ve got my kids, my family and friends, my mobster, and my freedom. I’m good. No, I’m great. Suck it, you evil bastard.

 

With Miracles Comes Drama

You knew there had to be a catch, didn’t you?

CF struck again. I was telling Rock Star that Christmas was going to be a little lean but that once I had my money I would get her the more expensive gift she wanted. That’s when she informed me her dad had sent her a text the day before, letting her know that I had received my child and spousal support in full.

I know what you’re thinking. You must be imagining him as a jolly Christmas elf, spreading Christmas cheer! Don’t worry, Rock Star! Daddy has come through for you. You’re going to have a great Christmas because I finally did the right thing and paid your mom the court ordered support I owe her. I didn’t spend it all on my home wrecker cousin and her brood before taking a look at what was left over and then sending some your way. No, baby doll, it’s Christmas! I want you and your brother to be happy and to have everything you want this year!  The sky’s the limit!  It’s going to be like Christmases of yesterday. Daddy loves you and misses you and I hope we can use this holiday season to bridge the gap between us because it’s killing me to not have you and your brother in my life!

Of course, you would be wrong. Basically, he was telling her he wouldn’t be sending a gift her way because I was taking all his money. How was it he put it? Your mother should be buying you some really nice gifts because I’m paying her $4600/month and will be for the rest of my life.

There are so many things wrong with that. Where do I even begin? Let’s start with this: He made my kid cry. That sad sack sonofabitch with his “poor me” routine and utter obliviousness to what he’s put his own children through, made my kid cry. Fuck him!

Or how about the obvious lie he told- I’m paying her $4600/month and will be for the rest of my life. He will not be paying me $4600/month for the rest of his life. His support amount will go down in June when she graduates. It will go down again once Picasso graduates in another 3 1/2 years. After both kids are 18 he will be paying only his $2800 in spousal support and even that is not for life, unless he has a terminal illness I’m not aware of. It will last for 16 years. Hardly a life time. Hell, we were married longer than that.

I won’t even fault him for telling her that he sent the support. I’m a big proponent of telling the kids the truth, especially when they’re teens. I don’t care if they know how much I get from him each month. I’d planned on going over our budget with them later next month anyway.

I do fault him for acting like the hapless victim once again. Not once in this long text message did he ever ask her how she was doing. He never apologized for his behavior or his choices. He didn’t even tell her that he loved her.

No. You know what he did do? He told her he knew that she hated him but “her mother was doing the exact same thing.”

I was right. He somehow hacked my FB page and he’s been talking to the mobster’s STBX. I don’t know who contacted whom but I know they’ve been talking. How do I know this?

CF proceeded to tell my daughter that my “boyfriend” was still married and that he had physically abused his wife. He knew this was true because he heard it directly out of her mouth. We all know how truthful lying cheaters are. Throw in alcoholism on top of that and you’ve got yourself a fantastic inside source.

Yes, I’m doing exactly the same thing that Cousinfucker and Harley did. I’m sneaking around behind my husband’s back, letting him think that we are happily married and I’m committed to him and only him, while I fuck around with another man. I’m letting him think I’m going through a mental breakdown and while he’s telling me he’s going to stand by me and won’t ever leave me I’m making plans with the help of my mommy to dump his ass for my cousin. I’m taking marital funds and spending it on another man and his kids while letting my own kids go without. In fact, I didn’t announce this on my blog but I’ve recently vacated my home and moved in with the mobster all without saying a single word to my kids. I just got in the car one day, went to work, and then moved out of state.

Likewise, the mobster is sneaking around behind his wife’s back, telling her how much he loves her and wants to remain married, while he messes around with me.

That’s a little difficult when she’s living with another man! Not just any man either. The man she fucked around on him with. The man she introduced their daughter to as a benign friend. The man who had the balls to talk to the mobster like nothing was going on while he fucked his wife behind his back. The man she fucking left him for and promptly moved in with all without saying a fucking word to him or his kids. Sound familiar?

Those two nincompoops are so caught up in their poor me, I’m such a victim, why is this all happening to innocent little ol’ me mentality that they really think it is the same thing.

Fuck them both! Yes, I am still married, and so is the mobster. I no longer give a shit. We are the cheated on spouses. They lied to us, they betrayed us, they humiliated us. THEY left US. THEY are both living with OTHER PEOPLE and have been since the day they left our homes.

I am NOT the other woman. I did not traipse into someone else’s intact marriage and say, “Oooh, I want that!” His ex had already moved in with her married boyfriend. She had left him two months before I ever knew he existed. He had already begun taking the steps to file for divorce.

And what in the hell is with the abuse narrative that all these cheating women come up with? She’s not the first I’ve heard of. Hell, watch an episode of ID TV and you’ll hear it over and over. It’s not enough that she leaves him. It’s not enough that she leaves her kids behind without saying a word. No, now she has to malign him and try to assassinate his character.

For the grand finale he begged her to call her grandmother, good ol’ Tammy Faye, the orchestrator of this lovely affair-y tale. It was something along the lines of: I know you hate me but she’s done nothing to you. She’s going crazy not seeing you. She loves you and misses you.

Yes, she misses her grandchildren so much that she doesn’t bother reaching out to them. Oh, she used to comment on Rock Star’s Facebook page. Until Rock Star unfriended her. And she sent Picasso a Christmas card with a similar message, telling him how much she misses him and sure wishes she could see him again. She’ll send a birthday card and a Christmas card, but aside from that… nothing.

Any of them could get in the car and drive up here to see their beloved grandchildren/niece/nephew, but none of them do. Why not? Because it’s too much of an inconvenience. Much better to expect me to drive them, or to have my brand new driver make the 5-6 hour drive, right?

One final detail. He told her he had no way of contacting her brother as he didn’t have his phone number.

Huh. That’s strange. Picasso has had the same number since he got his first phone. How does he not have the phone number because he sure as hell had it 2 years ago?

Thankfully Rock Star saw through her dad’s bullshit. She said she thought about texting him back, calling him on his lies, but she decided it wasn’t worth it. She was smart enough to see it for what it was- yet another ploy for sympathy. As she said, “Sorry you’re just now experiencing consequences!” She pointed out that he never once asked about her and her well being, only lamented his own. He still doesn’t seem to get that he ruined her life- twice! First, making her move from Utah, destroying everything she knew there, and then making her leave Virginia and forcing her to leave behind her new life she built. She’s pissed and she has every right to be.

She also brought up the fact that her grandmother is not without fault. Tammy Faye did do something to her- she urged the whore to call her father. Even if that hadn’t happened she still condones what her dad and the whore are doing and Rock Star won’t forgive her for that. There are consequences for your actions, and unfortunately Tammy Faye is just now learning that. There’s that ugly word again. And I’m sure it never dawns on them that any of this is a direct result of their own bad choices. No, it’s all horrible things being done to them, these loving, sweet Christians who are so good and kind and do nothing wrong.

As for me and the mobster, well, she pretty much said the exact same thing I just said. It’s not the same thing. She knows his wife left him. She knows he would be divorced if his wife didn’t refuse to sign the papers. She knows he isn’t abusive.

I’m going to go off on a little tangent here and then bring it back and conclude this. This crap is exactly why you tell the kids the truth in age appropriate language. It’s why you report the facts and don’t editorialize. I’ve heard of way too many people who have taken the so called high road and had it backfire on them horribly- kids blaming them for divorcing their other parent, kids being persuaded by the cheating parent that the betrayed spouse is crazy or had it coming, the affair partner being benignly introduced to the kids as just someone new. It’s total crap. Tell them the truth or the cheater is going to be busy filling their head with lies.

These people aren’t content with cheating, lying, and leaving you. They want to destroy you, and they have no problem with lying over and over again if it makes them look good and makes you look bad. Get the facts out there because if you don’t, I assure you, the cheater will be getting their own version of what happened out there.

That’s why I’ve shut that shit down every single time I’ve had it happen. His sister messaged me to say I would always be a part of her family because I was the mother of her niece and nephew. Upon talking to her she told me all she had been told by her brother was that I had had him served with divorce papers and he was clueless as to why that may be. You can bet your ass I was on the phone immediately, filling her in. I didn’t editorialize. I simply told the truth: He’s having an affair with Harley again. That’s why I filed. He knows exactly why I filed for divorce.

Later on when she said he had told her he had been kicked out of the house and that I refused to let him take any of the household items with him I told her he had never asked for anything and that we were unaware he was moving out.

I didn’t call him an asshole or a liar in either of those situations. I simply corrected misinformation.

When his good friend from high school told me he had never known CF to lie I calmly listed the many lies he had told me. Again, I didn’t put him down; I corrected misinformation.

In conclusion, I’m doing my best to not let this get to me. I find it very creepy that CF and Batshit Crazy are talking to one another. Between the two of them they wouldn’t recognize the truth if it hit them square in the ass. They both love to play the victim while they go about victimizing people. They’ve both abandoned their kids and cheated on their spouse. I’m sure they are egging each other on.

On the other hand, once my divorce decree is signed, sealed, and delivered, I don’t give a shit what they talk about. They can pop popcorn and sit around a fire, trying to outdo one another with their crazy stories of their horrible ex. I’m not sure if Harley would participate or if she would just be pissed that her true love has a new bestie.

Rock Star seems convinced that he’s pissed that I’ve moved on. I’m not sure I believe that. I don’t really know what’s motivating him right now. Mainly, I think he’s just pissed he got his ass handed to him by the judge so he’s lashing out. He probably thought he had hit the mother lode when he realized I was dating again, and when he found the STBX of the man I was dating. Sorry, Charlie! Move along; nothing to see here. Don’t you have a whore to fuck?

An Open Letter to Cousinfucker, Part 3

I wish I could tell you this is the end but it’s not. I told you I had a lot to say!

Sam, let’s try to figure out a way to make this less stressful for all involved. I am saddened that you felt compelled to toss out all of my memories and my clothing.  There are so few of them in this house.  In spite of all that has happened we have a history and that cannot be erased no matter how badly you want it to go away.  So you have a choice.  You can be bitter and hateful toward me, or respect the fact that I am setting you free of the burden of being my wife.  I know you will take a hit financially but you will be well provided for, we both know that.  My attorney has you covered for the rest of your life.

So stop all of this foolishness.  Let our children know I love them and let’s act like adults and come to a healthy relationship apart from all of this.  I respect you as a mother and you have followed me around the country and I am grateful to you for that.  Let’s build a future relationship that we can both be happy for each other and our children and show them that happiness and being whole are vital to a person’s future.  I read everything you wrote on your fake Facebook page.  I know you have been very unhappy.  It’s evident in what you wrote and your depression has heightened in the past two years.  I know you will be whole without me, we aren’t good together.  So all that said I want you and I to work on this.  To be grown up about it for the sake of our children.

How dare you try to portray me as some depressed, pathetic individual! I don’t suffer from depression and it certainly hasn’t “worsened” over the last two years. No, I did not forget about your affair with your cousin the minute you said, “Oops, my bad!”  And yes, sometimes I would be triggered by events and it would make me sad.  For a day or two.  Then I would get over it and get on with my life. Yes, it has been difficult transitioning to life here but I’ve done it; I’m sorry I didn’t do it as quickly as you would have liked. You insisted that if you had to stay where we were much longer you would end up in a psych ward so we all sacrificed and gave up our lives there so that YOU would be happy.

Our daughter gave up her dream of competing gymnastics in college. She gave up her teammates and gymnastics.  She was just saying the other day, “Imagine how good I would be now if we had stayed.”  And when asked if she would rather have her life as a gymnast or the life she has here with cheerleading and high school gymnastics and her friends and boyfriend and great social life, she still, without hesitation, picked being a Level 10 gymnast. YOU took that away from her for your own selfish wants and desires.  YOU took that away from her so you could go have sex with your cousin.

And our son? Our son gave up hockey and cello.  He still talks about playing hockey again some day, still talks about how much he loved played the cello.  He likes playing the trombone (would have preferred to play the saxophone but I didn’t know what our money situation would be like and the trombone was cheaper than the sax) but he loved the cello.  And while he likes his two neighborhood friends he doesn’t really like his school and thinks most of his classmates are rednecks.

We all gave up all of our friends.  For YOU.  As for myself, I not only gave up all of my friends but also my support system.  See, when you have a husband who doesn’t think that raising the children is part of his responsibility it helps to have a great network of friends who can pitch in and help out at times.  People who can carpool with you.  People that you can call in a pinch and ask them for a favor.  It would be really nice to have all of those people around me now, now that you’ve left me for the same woman you cheated on me with two years ago. I loved my life in Utah.  I loved being active in PTA and would have volunteered to be the Associate Director of the region, if we didn’t move.  I loved my Bunko group. I loved volunteering at the schools and being involved, knowing people and what was going on.  I don’t have that here.  I gave it up for you and for your happiness.  I gave it up for our future. Our bogus future that you had no intention of honoring.

Once we got here you were no happier than you had been before. You told me you wanted to be the most important person in my life and once we moved and I had no one else you started to pull away. You constantly told other people you were convinced I was going to leave you when I would have never done that; I was committed to you, to our marriage, to our family.  You told your sister I wrote on my fake Facebook page (when you were almost “dying”) that you were annoying me and wasting my time.  THAT NEVER HAPPENED!  I double checked because I was appalled that I could actually say something like that.  I never wrote anything like that.

And as far as you dying?  Honey, they don’t give you the option of going to the ER if you’re near death.  And they don’t tell you you can be admitted or go home if you’re near death.

You know how you know it’s serious?  When they tell you you’re not leaving their office until you’ve either scheduled surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy or been given a methotrexate shot to dissolve the ectopic pregnancy.  Of course, you wouldn’t know that because your response when I told you was that you couldn’t leave work.

I went through treatment for an ectopic pregnancy ON MY OWN and you whine because I called the doctor, made your appointment, took you to the ER, sat with you for hours, and encouraged you to let them admit you but apparently wasn’t, what, sympathetic enough?  At least I was there which is more than I can say for you.

And finally, yes, I was on Prozac briefly because I was finding it difficult to deal with all of YOUR issues: your refusal to get help, your withdrawal from me and your kids, your supposed PTSD and anxiety, your lies to everyone about me, dealing with the fact that you consistently turned to people who encouraged you to leave me, and your non-stop drinking. And yet I still hung in there, determined to stand by and help you.

I did everything I could and I never shied away from my own faults.  I immediately took responsibility for my part in the void between us the first time you confessed.  I NEVER placed all the blame on you.  Even though I should have.  Because you see, no one makes another person cheat.  That’s a decision YOU made- all on your own.

I did all the things you wanted me to do, all the things you said you felt were lacking. You wanted me to text you constantly so I texted constantly.  You wanted me to tell you every mundane thing that I did, so I told you about every mundane thing I did. You wanted to know where I was all day long so I updated you all the time. I sat outside on the porch and watched you while you did yard work and brought you something to drink when you would mow the lawn because you said that’s something you wanted me to do.  I twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be everything you wanted!

As soon as I found out you knew about the other Facebook page I shut it down so as not to hurt you any further. When your mom asked if I had ever told you I forgave you I told her I had never said those exact words but I had told you I was committed to us and I put all my trust in you and moved across the country a mere 6 hours from your mistress.  Then when I went to visit you in the psych ward I took your face in my hands and told you I loved you, I forgave you, I wasn’t going to leave you and we would get through all of this together.  And what did you do?  You started up another affair with your cousin after upending our lives.  All because you got your feelings hurt over a stupid Facebook page.