Hair

I don’t know why this came to me out of nowhere recently. I had been putting together a playlist to work out to and I was going through all the songs in my iTunes library. I put the song, “Hair” on my list. As I was listening to it I suddenly remembered how offended CF was by the movie and album, and the fact that I would like either.

A year or so before I met him I had gone to visit my best friend. We decided to rent some movies (you know, back in the days way before Netflix and Redbox). We came across “Hair” and I mentioned I had never seen it. She was amazed and said I simply HAD to see it. So we rented it. I saw it once and I really enjoyed the music (which makes sense because it was a freakin’ Broadway musical before it was made into a movie!).

Years later CF buys me an iPod for our anniversary. I know we were living in Utah at the time but that could have been anywhere from 2006 until 2014. Except I know it wasn’t 2006 and I know it wasn’t 2014. To be fair, that’s not the most important part of the story.

I remember being so excited about finally getting an iPod and being able to download music. I had no idea what to download though. The choices were overwhelming. Plus, I had young children so I’m pretty sure most of the song choices were relegated to The Wiggles and Barney. Anyway, I finally decided I’d like to download the soundtrack from “Hair”.

He was not happy. I’m not sure if I’d go so far as to say he was pissed, but he was definitely not happy. He was all, “That movie stands against everything I fought for!” I do know he had a fit when I tried to play the song when he was around. Like, he was seriously offended. By a damn song! About fucking hair!

I guess one could argue that the long hair was a representation of people who protested the actions of the government and therefore stood against the mainstream establishment. To me, however, it was simply a song about a guy with really long hair and how he and everyone else with long hair bucked society’s rules. To me it wasn’t about the government sucking or being wrong. It wasn’t even a message about how wrong the war was. It was celebrating hair.

I didn’t feel like starting a new Bitch List but this one definitely belongs on it. He got offended by a song he didn’t like that I dared to play. Poor, delicate baby saw his life’s work ridiculed and destroyed by a soundtrack that was 25-35 years old at the time I bought it. We were so far beyond that point in history it wasn’t even funny. I mean, I could understand if there was a movie out now protesting the Gulf Wars or Afghanistan and I was all, “Oh my God, this music is amazing! You have to see the movie! It’s my favorite movie of all time now!” No! It was about the damn Vietnam War. He was all of 6 when it ended it. He couldn’t even play the fife in that war. It was still an affront to him. How dare I enjoy that movie or play that music?

As you might have guessed I gave in. I scrolled past the song and I never listened to it in his presence again. Oh, to go back in time and find a backbone.

My Bitch List, Part 14

Part 14 will conclude the Airing of the Grievances. If you’ve been following along on my blog for a while now these will probably, once again, be repeats but I wanted to put them in a neat, tidy list!

  • He moved out of the state after moving us 2000 miles away from our lives. On top of that he didn’t even bother to tell his children that he moved. He didn’t tell them he moved out of the house, much less that he moved out of the fucking state!
  • He also resigned from his job of 15 years.
  • He told people I not only threw away all of his clothes, but also that I tossed them into garbage bags and threw them in the trash. They were all hanging in the damn guest room closet! He lived in that room for 5 months. He knew they were there. The rest of his clothes, the ones in the dressers, were still sitting there. They’re *still* sitting there. He knew that, too, seeing as how he came into my room to grab them.
  • He insists upon telling people that I threw everything associated with him away. I’m guessing he’s talking about pictures. Not true. They’re all either in drawers or sitting on the floor up against the wall. It’s not like he has to dig around in the attic to find them!
  • He’s telling people I made him move. He told his daughter he had no choice and told his sister that I made him leave his home and his kids AND that I wouldn’t allow him to take anything from the house with him. Again, not true. He merely had to pay rent.
  • After driving to see his whore every single weekend from August-February (a 6 hour drive one way) once he moved he actually expected our daughter to drive to see him. Yes, he wanted a brand new driver to get on the highway/toll road, drive 70 mph and make a 7 hour trip to see him because he couldn’t be bothered to drive to see her and her brother.
  • He angrily told our son, “Why don’t you read the court document and stop listening to everything you’re told?” when he asked about their allowances. That would be the same son he tried to justify his affair to by telling him we hadn’t been happy since having kids.
  • Now he’s telling our daughter he has no money because he has to pay off all the credit cards that I ran up.
  • Found out he had another emotional/sexting affair. Sonofabitch! And once again he lied like a rug about it when confronted. He told me she was a stalker, someone he had tried to help but then she ended up becoming inappropriate with him. Liar!
  • Tried to get his daughter to play into his pity party when she didn’t recognize him on Memorial Day. Told her she knew it was the worst day of the year for him, every year. She replied that the worst day of her life was finding out her dad was cheating on her mom. His response? I’m sorry about that but your mom never loved me. So I guess that makes it okay to cheat? Ever heard of divorcing BEFORE you find your next wife?
  • He resigned from his new job, checked into a psych ward and told me he wasn’t going to be sending me anymore money which forced his daughter to switch schools her junior year of high school. Twenty-one years of listening to him bitch about how he hated switching schools all the time when he was younger for what? At least he never had to switch high schools. It also forced us to move, yet again, over 600 miles away and move in with my mom. My kids have had to leave all of their new friends behind. My daughter has had to give up being the captain of the gymnastics team and probably the captain of the cheerleading team, as well. She has resigned herself to simply going to school and working. Hooray!
  • He moved us the first time, wrecking any chance she had of getting a gymnastics scholarship because there were no gyms close by. Now he has wrecked any chance of her getting a cheerleading scholarship because none of the damn schools up here have competitive cheer. He has also completely taken gymnastics away from her. It’s done. There are no teams at the high schools and it was way too expensive to send her to a private club. Thanks, Dad! Hey, can you get your whore to come tell me what a great father you are again? I’d love to punch her in her fucking face right about the time she finished up with, “He’s such a good dad!” BAM! Shut your fucking mouth, whore!
  • Thanks to this new move, my daughter has to start all over with a learner’s permit. I spent $200 on nothing.
  • Shit Face can’t be bothered to contact his own kids but has no problems posing on FB with his fake son.
  • Despite the fact that he isn’t divorced and despite the fact that he was having an affair he has a picture of the whore and him together as his profile picture and lists his status as “in a relationship” with the whore.

Hopefully there will not be a part 15. Hopefully he will stay out of my life and out of my sight and I will never have cause to create another list about the dumb/insensitive/nasty/disrespectful/selfish things he’s done.

My Bitch List, Part 13

Ah yes, life with the wife and kids versus life with the whore and her kids. And more end of the relationship shit. Again, a lot of this was written while it was happening and I haven’t changed the verb tenses so if it seems suspicious that we’re still living together… well, we’re not. It’s in the past although not far enough in the past to please me.

    • I sat in on a therapy session with him, the therapist and I both coaching him on getting through the drive for his so called business trip.  Yes, that’s right.  I coached him so that he was able to drive off and go fuck a whore.
    • Another stupid move on my part: He started coming home at lunch because he was pissed off at his boss. Apparently, he wanted to skip lunch and leave work more along the lines of 4 or 4:30. His boss expected him to stay until 5. CF mentioned to me that the only reason they stayed so long was because they all took a 2 hour lunch. So he started coming home for his 2 hours. I would go upstairs and sit with him while he answered emails or watched TV, or more importantly, texted and sexted with the whore. Such a good dutiful wife.
    • I find out he’s siphoned off thousands of dollars in marital assets to give to the whore, has spent hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on her each month, has bought her a diamond ring and bought her kids a puppy, bought her and her daughter new iPhone 6s and is paying their cell phone bill, cashed in stock, opened a separate account, and has just generally been a dickhead.  He then has the nerve to tell me that this can still be civil.  Yeah, right!
    • Later I found out he could spend over $300 on a prom/dance type dress for Harley’s daughter but he couldn’t give me $80 for a dress for his own child.  Also saw his charge card statement for Christmas- hundreds of dollars spent at Ulta, Francesca’s, American Eagle, Dick’s Sporting Good, Walmart… so nice to know he’s got extra money.
    • That same month, when he didn’t have money to pay his share of the household bills, and didn’t have money to buy his daughter a homecoming dress, he managed to have enough money to buy an approximately $4200 engagement ring for his home wrecking whore. She/He/They also spent almost $200 at Vera Bradley, over $400 at some sports store (for her kids, no doubt), hundreds on vision care, over $400 on Harley’s utilities, and more than $1500 on Harley’s lawyer so she could get her divorce. That was all in one month. Glad to see he has his priorities straight!
    • He couldn’t go out to dinner with either of his kids for their birthday because of his “issues” yet somehow he has no problem going out to eat with his dysfunctional family, his whore, or her kids.  Nice.
    • He lives here during the week and waltzes off every weekend to go be with his whore.  He is beyond bold about this.  It is more like a slap in the face.  A big “fuck you!” to all of us.
    • 30 minutes after I tell him I know he’s fucking his cousin and giving her money he asks me if we’re still having spaghetti for dinner.  And then later that evening asks again.  When I tell him no he has the nerve to ask me what there is to eat around here.
    • When his whore posts on Facebook how she is having such a sleepless night because she misses the comfort she’s grown so accustomed to my daughter flips out and sends him an angry text.  He ends up trying to turn it all around into how he’s the poor put upon victim.  He’s not welcome.  He pays all the bills.  He starves while we eat.  I guess the dumb shit is actually waiting for me to bring him a fucking plate of food still!  She never posted that!  I don’t know what you saw or what someone told you but it wasn’t her!  Then when it’s proven that it was indeed her he says he wasn’t trying to lie and he had never seen that and then continues on with his victim stance.
    • The bastard accused me of stealing every dime he makes.  Fuck you!
    • Over the course of 4 months, from the beginning of September until the end of December, he had access to approximately $30,000. He had no bills- no cell phone, no car payment (I had made the final payment with the money he believed he would owe me), no car insurance (I paid that), no rent or mortgage, no utilities. I point this out because that $30k he had access to was all fun money. By the end of December he had a little over $600 in the account. At one point there was just over $100 in it. And he wants to talk about me spending money? At least when it was me our kids had everything they needed and most of what they wanted.
    • He continues to try to justify his affair to our children.  He even told our daughter that I “didn’t take care of him.”  Oh please!  Is that why she tells me, “Mom, I would have left him years ago!  I wouldn’t have put up with half of what you put up with,”?

My Bitch List, Part 12: The Sex Edition

This one is mainly about sex so I would appreciate it, MOTHER, if you wouldn’t read this one. I’m warning you there is not enough brain bleach to unsee or unread what is ahead. STOP NOW!

    • He would grope me in public, thinking that was cute.
    • The first picture I ever saw of the slut her hair was darker.  She then went blonder, like me.  He told me he preferred it darker and longer (on me).  So one day at the salon I ask him to send me his favorite picture of me, the one that had my hair the way he liked it, to give my stylist an idea of how dark to go.  He sends me the picture.  And then immediately sends me another picture- of my pubic area.  With my hairdresser looking over my shoulder to get an idea of what color to dye my hair.  Fucking pig.  Harley also is wearing her hair a lot darker these days.  Wow- another amazing coincidence!
    • I often slept nude whenever I slept in our bed. He would sometimes take pictures of me, naked, while I slept. There were also times I would wake to find him masturbating on me while I was asleep.
    • He bought me a new car when we moved.  Then decided I should make “payments” on it in the form of blow jobs. Too bad, so sad for him. That damn car never got paid for.
    • He liked me to talk dirty to him and wanted me to tell him stories about me and my friends.
    • He mentioned a few times how he’d like to watch me have sex with another guy, or have a threesome. Yeah, that didn’t happen either.
    • Despite cheating on me with Harley he seemed to really get off on requesting nude photos of me. The last time he asked he had lied and told me he was off visiting Blockhead. As we’re chatting about me registering the kids for school (which was a mindfuck all in itself because I had no idea what was going to happen) he wants to know why I haven’t sent him a picture of my boobs yet.
    • Right around the time he began sleeping with Harley he gave me this sob story about thinking he was impotent so he would prefer I not even try to come on to him because it would make him feel bad. In hindsight that was just an excuse. Isn’t that sweet and considerate of him to worry about cheating on his fucking mistress/whore?
    • The day I filed for divorce he came home for lunch. I was wearing a t-shirt and a skirt because I figured I should look presentable when I went to visit my attorney. That asshole actually got turned on by me and had a raging hard-on. Ha! Joke’s on you, Cousinfucker. I looked good because I was planning on leaving your ass!
    • He was apparently showing naked pictures of me to his whore.  Nice.

People, seriously, I don’t know how I stayed as long as I did. I’ve told some of these stories to others and they call it abuse. I’m not sure I would go that far but it sure as hell wasn’t respectful.

My Bitch List, Part 11

More recent gripes for this one. Keep in mind I compiled this list mainly while he was still living at the house so I used the present tense. Most of the stuff on this list is simply gross. It’s stuff he refused to do while we were away (or sometimes even while we were here). It speaks to his lack of respect for me and for our family.

    • Since we moved to our new home he has not once taken out the trash.  Petty complaint?  Perhaps, but this is my Festivus Airing of Grievances and this pisses me off!
    • I don’t think he’s mowed the yard in 6 months.  I was out there mowing over Memorial Day weekend because of his “anxiety issues”.  Our son mowed it on a couple of occasions as well.  We were gone for 3 1/2 weeks this summer.  He didn’t mow a single time.  I came back to a yard that was overgrown with weeds and grass that was sky high.  I ended up hiring two guys to do the yard work because he wouldn’t.  I thought I was being nice and respectful of his “issues” but in reality I think he had already checked out of the marriage and figured there was no purpose in doing anything around the house. ETA: I wrote this shortly after I found out about him and Harley, sometime in late 2015, maybe early 2016, so the timeline is off. Regardless, the last time he visited the house, he loaded up the lawn mower and refused to mow, yet again. Just one more way he has totally given up on the house and believes it’s not his responsibility.
    • When we got home the house reeked.  Every time I leave I make sure the house is clean and the laundry is done.  I also usually make sure there is food for him to eat.  When he’s away I try to have the house picked up when he comes back.  He didn’t feel the need to do that for us.  I spent the next two days shampooing carpets from where the dogs had had accidents.
    • He also never took the garbage out to the curb the entire time we were gone.  I took TEN bags of trash out on trash day after we got home.
    • I found out he had been playing me all summer long while he conducted an affair with his skank of a cousin two years ago.  I’m thinking we’re working on our relationship; I’m hard at work trying to “win” him back, and the whole time he’s messing around with her, planning for their future.  Then he has the audacity to be upset with me for not getting over it quickly enough.  How dare I dwell on that?  He said it was over.  He said he picked me.  He said he loved me.
    • When his affair was discovered the first time around one of the things he told me he had liked about her was how she texted him all the time and told him everything she was doing.  He wanted me to do that.  So, despite the fact that I felt like he was trying to turn me into her I dutifully texted him and told him all about my boring day.
    • Looking back on it, as a whole, he had a whole lot of demands for me on how I could improve our relationship after his affair.  I didn’t have very many for him:  send the whore a text ending it and stop talking to the whore, stop telling your sister about our marital issues, give me all your passwords, and go to marital counseling.  He participated half-heartedly in counseling; even the counselor said there was no point in him continuing.  He never sent her a text; he supposedly called her and ended it and then she sent him a sappy text which he replied to, speaking of duty and honor.  He gave me his passwords but once he started up his affair again he began sleeping with his phone.  And, of course, he never stopped talking about our marital issues with his sister.  But his list for me?  Oh, where do I begin?  Text me all the time.  Send me naughty pictures.  Let me know where you are all day long.  Sit with me.  Have sex with me all the time.  Come sit out on the porch and watch me while I mow the yard, maybe even bring me a glass of iced tea.  Hey, do you have any more ways I can kiss your ass, Cousinfucker?  Because really, when you step out on ME I think the least I can do is find out what I did to cause that and work on every problem I might have.  There is nothing wrong with you!
    • He was always very concerned about hurting his whore’s feelings but didn’t really mind hurting me.  The text I asked him to send turned into a phone call which later turned into a text that she sent to him.  That text was pathetic and it very much sounded like *she* was the one calling it off while he whimpered and whined and talked about things he doesn’t understand like honor and duty, being a good husband and a good dad.  When questioned about it he said it was because he felt bad about hurting her and didn’t want to cause her anymore pain.  Yes, it was more important to make sure that the whore he had texted and sexted with for 3 1/2 months was in a good place, than to insure that the wife of 18 1/2 years was in a good place.
    • Once or twice after answering my questions about Harley and their relationship he thanked me for ruining his hard-on. Yes, dear, that’s what I’m really concerned about- your hard-on. Let’s forget about this whole EA thing and I’ll just text you dirty things and naughty pictures and we can pretend this never happened.
    • He was very good at manipulating me.  As I said, I didn’t want him discussing our marital issues with his sister because I didn’t feel she was a friend of our marriage.  And she’s not.  But, he turns this into, “I can’t have a relationship with her because you don’t like her.”  Um, no, that’s not what I asked for at all.  Talk with her about anything else.  Just NOT our marital issues.  When he wanted to move here instead of saying that it was, “I know you don’t want to move.  I’ll learn to like it here.  You and the kids are happy.”  That way it could be ME saying, “Oh, baby, no!  We want all of us to be happy!  You are important.  You matter.  We’ll move if you’re so unhappy here!”  Motherfucker!  And even in our talks about his affair I think when things got to be too real for him he would start in on his “woe is me” stories- he had no father, his dad didn’t love him, his family doesn’t care about him, he’s worthless, why would I ever love him.  It was all a very subtle way to have me dance for him and stroke his ego.
    • He says that I ignored him and left him alone to cry, but the reality is he would have been perfectly content to have me sit upstairs in the fucking bedroom all day long, every day, and to hell with the kids.  Sorry, kids, you’re teens (or almost teens) now so you need to take care of yourselves.  Mommy can’t drive you anywhere because I have to hang out with Daddy upstairs in the bedroom.  I also can’t help you with homework, cook your meals, or do your laundry because Daddy needs me.  I would ask him to sit with me out on the porch.  He couldn’t do it.  He had to go back inside.  I would ask him to come downstairs and watch tv in the family room so we could be together while I cooked.  Nope, he just wasn’t comfortable with that.  One time I asked him if he wanted to come out to our enclosed porch in the back.  No, again he just really needed to be upstairs in the bedroom.  Our bedroom and the shower were the only places he really felt comfortable.  Let’s praise Jesus once again; He performed a miracle in my husband!
    • He is a liar.  I remember when we first got married he would joke about how his mom would exaggerate stories.  He said, “By the time we’ve been married for ten years we will have had a full orchestra at our wedding with a steak and lobster dinner!”  The apple does not fall far from the tree!  He told someone our daughter won the entire meet when she competed out of state.  Not true.  Not even close.  Then, he told a Ranger who came to speak at a church we visited that he was a Ranger, too!  Again, not true.  Now, his original tale was he was going to go to Ranger school but then he was deployed to Iraq and missed his chance.  His current day tale is that he took all the classes; he just didn’t do the field training so basically “he’s a Ranger”.  Basically, you’re a liar, Cousinfucker.  He told someone we hadn’t had sex in TEN YEARS!  But I think my favorite one was when he told someone that I had filed for divorce and he had no idea why.  REALLY?  What did you think was going to happen when I found out about Harley?  Was I supposed to beg and plead again?  Was I supposed to wait it out until YOU could file?  You’re such a big chicken shit you never would have filed.  You were always going to leave it up to me, you (thank you Chump Princess over on Chump Lady) worthless flaming turd shot straight out of Satan’s ass!
    • I know I’ve already listed all the lies he told people about me.  I probably shouldn’t be surprised but I still shake my head when I think of how he never went back and corrected his mistakes.  Ever.  He would tell some awful bullshit story, make me seem like the Marquis de Sade and then turn around and tell me how I was his rock, his savior, his soul mate (barf!), and yet he never corrected the erroneous story he told.  I guess that’s what liars do.
    • Fast forward to this year.  I found out he was playing me all summer long (once again!), acting like he had all sorts of issues when the only issue he had was he was married but sticking it to his gold digging whore of a cousin.

My Bitch List, Part 10

Do we even need a preamble at this point? Read on for more nonsense from dear CF. This one covers out of town trips, moving and his fucked up relationship with his cheating sister.

  • He seemed to always have a list of things that I could change, or more to the point, things he wanted me to change for him. More sex. Cleaner house. Probably laundry never overflowing. Dinner on the table (or rather served to him in his room) by 6. You know, the standard. And then he would say, “Is there anything you’d like me to change?” Funny how it was that whenever I would bring something up I would always get, “That’s just the way I am.” Maybe the next time he mentioned all the changes I needed to make I should have said, “Oops, sorry, that’s just the way I am.
  • We drove to his mom’s house one holiday. 26 hour trip. I’m not sure if that was the trip where the weather was supremely crappy so we made awful time or not, but I do know we were a good six hours at least from her house when he suddenly had a panic attack (or so he said) because the temperature caused a change in the tire pressure. It got so bad we had to pull over at the closest Walmart and get 2 new tires put on the car. It was an hour to two hour pitstop because he was obsessing over the tires. I’m sure that makes me sound like a bitch but as I said earlier it is amazing how he no longer has any of those problems now. He just hops in that car and drives and drives and drives!
  • We traveled over 1500 miles one year to spend Easter with his family. He told me that while we were there his sister wanted to have dinner with him. Just him. His mom commented on how she had told her that they “never got to do anything together” as siblings. Me, being the cool, understanding wife that I was (Hey, that’s true! Once you get married you rarely do ever hang out with your sibling without their spouse around.) stayed behind with the kids and his mom, eating bologna sandwiches while they went out. And met up with her newest other man. Yep, Asshole and his sister left me behind so that they could go have dinner with her “boyfriend” and my husband could meet him. Meanwhile, the next day she lied her ass off about her upcoming divorce which I had known nothing about up until that evening when the MIL spilled the beans. Incidentally, my husband knew all about the other man because his sister confided in him and asked him to keep it a secret from me. He obliged.
  • This same sister was his confidante during his first affair with his cousin. She counseled him to “do whatever makes him happy because he deserves to be happy.”
  • He complained to this same sister about my spending habits and she egged him on, agreeing that I was wasteful with money and that I spent frivolously. Of course, since he was the one leading the charge against me he couldn’t defend me. But he certainly cried his fake crocodile tears when I went apeshit on his ass upon finding this out.
  • This one isn’t stupid on my part or terribly egregious; no it’s simple hubris on his part. He was going on about how my mother should thank him because he had taken such excellent care of “her little girl”. This was AFTER he cheated with the whore the first time.
  • He always wanted me to wear my hair long. As he explained it, “It’s a family thing. I don’t have any so you and Rock Star have hair to compensate for my lack of hair.” Anyway, he would bitch and moan every time I cut it. Finally, I got to the point where I decided I wanted to grow it out and I didn’t cut it for about 3 years. Until he got involved with her and “confessed”. Once I looked up her picture and saw where her hair was shorter I said, “Fuck it! If his whore can have short hair then I can have short hair!” What a coincidence that she has grown her hair out.
  • For all of our moves (5 of them!) I was always the one who stayed behind while he went ahead and lived the bachelor life. In the beginning it was because we had pets and/or we were still showing the house which needed to sell. I was the one keeping the house clean and dealing with any showings. It was brutal this last move. It seemed like almost every day there was a showing and so I would have to hide the litter boxes, wipe down the sliding glass doors to get rid of dog nose artwork, load up all 3 dogs in my van and drive around. The one or two times he was with us and had to do it he about lost his mind. I remember boarding the dogs once so that we could get out of the house and do something fun while the showings were going on. And I remember going to the park and him almost breaking down in tears because for whatever reason he was so stressed over this! Again- we had a guaranteed buyout! We didn’t have to sell the damn thing on our own. He couldn’t handle showing the house and having to corral 3 dogs for an hour with me and the kids by his side. I did this BY MYSELF most times.
  • Most of the showings we tried to arrange during the day because he didn’t want “his” evenings ruined by having to leave the house in order to show it, especially after his breakdown. Like always he didn’t want to be inconvenienced and I was the eager doormat, putting his wants and needs above anything else. So again, I handled all of this on my own during the day while he was at work.
  • This last move I put 3 dogs, 2 cats, a fish, and 2 kids in my van and drove across the damn country. He never left after we flew out to look for a house. His car was shipped to him. I had to find hotels that would accept pets and added an extra 3 hours onto my trip so that one of those nights I could sleep at my mom’s house instead of paying for a hotel room. He had offered to come back out and drive with me but I knew he wouldn’t handle the trip very well at all. Being in the van with our dogs for an hour had freaked him out. He was going to manage 33 hours? Oh, I don’t think so. Plus, I would rather he go on vacation with us.
  • He would frequently be rude to people that were staying with us- like just not speaking to them, going directly into his room, not socializing with them at all.

My Bitch List, Part 9

It’s a New Year’s Festivus. Or we could just consider it show and tell. Hey, like Harley’s youngest did on Veteran’s Day with CF! Instead of taking him to school with me and showing him off I’m showing and telling all of his bad behavior right here on this blog!

  • He was proud of the fact that he had no idea how much we spent on gymnastics. He told one person, “As far as I’m concerned it still costs $50 per month.” That’s lovely, sweetie. That’s why you tell everyone I frivolously spend your money. You have no fucking clue that we spend over $300 every month plus have a $2000 team fee which is spread out over 7 months. I bet you think hockey was only $100, too, huh? Yeah, try more like $400-$500 per season. Plus equipment. Which could easily approach another $400-$500.
  • I know he complained to people about the amount of money I spent. Here’s the funny part. He left all the bill paying up to me! He had no idea what our expenses were. He’s the one that decided to buy a new car a mere 4 months after I got a new car. We went from having no car payments to owing $800/month! I bought all the groceries. I did all the household shopping. As I mentioned above, he bragged about not knowing how much we spent on our daughter’s gymnastics. That $6000/year didn’t include travel to her out of state meets either! He never talked to me about this; he only complained to others. He never would sit with me and come up with a budget. Hell, the few times I tried to talk to him about financial stuff he blew me off. Furthermore, I wasn’t spending tons of money on myself. I spent it on the kids. Clothes, sports, books, etc. He can say what he wants but he can never say I ever put myself ahead of his kids. That is not something he will ever be able to say about the whore he’s fucking right now. She’s out for herself and her kids.
  • I remember years ago he jumped on my case because he thought I should know how much cat food cost at all the various stores so I would know which store sold it at the cheapest price and if a sale price at one store was any good compared to the other store’s regular price. Oh, that was my job. Get a damn list of everything we bought and know how much it all was at all the stores. Thank God that was one time I ignored his little rant.
  • Ironically, while he would complain he had nothing to show for his hard work he would later tell me he liked it when I got manicures and pedicures because he thought that it showed I cared about him. Conversely, when I didn’t get them he took that as a sign I didn’t care about him.
  • He also said he didn’t care how much money I spent so long as he was able to access the money when he needed to. He was always able to. He’s the one that got Lasik eye surgery. He even said to me one time that even though I spent more money (yes, because I paid the bills and did all the shopping!) he was the one that bought the more expensive items and those items were generally for him and him alone. And the one time we went to Sam’s Club together to look at large screen TVs since our old one was puttering out he had himself a nice little tantrum because I told him we didn’t have a checkbook with us. He thought I was saying we didn’t have enough money to buy the TV (apparently I was speaking in code because I couldn’t come right out and say we didn’t have enough money) and he began pouting and gave me the silent treatment. Eventually when I figured out what the hell was wrong with the big baby I told him, “No, we have the money; however, at Sam’s Club they don’t accept American Express or a debit card. You need cash or a check, or Discover, which we don’t have.”
  • He made his own mother cry when she came out to visit us once! I don’t even remember what it was about. I just remember she had come out for a 2 week visit and before the end of it she said, “I’ll never come out for this long again.”
    He was grievously offended if he sneezed and I didn’t say, “Bless you,” or “God bless you.” Like, irrationally so. He would actually get pissed.
  • Similarly, we were required to thank him for his service on Veteran’s Day. That was a new one because he didn’t always require thanks on that day. That started probably halfway through the marriage. Apparently now we are also supposed to recognize him on Memorial Day even though that is the day to recognize those who gave all, not to thank the living. Fortunately for me I don’t have to thank him for a damn thing anymore.
  • Long story short- once we had kids my life changed tremendously; his didn’t. Slightly longer story- I think he believed I was just supposed to add taking care of the kids onto my already long list of things to do. I was still supposed to take care of the house like before, when we didn’t have kids, because kids don’t mess things up at all. I was still in charge of all the shopping, all the laundry, all the cooking. Plus, I was still in charge of taking care of him. Meanwhile, he didn’t think his television shows should be interrupted. He shouldn’t have to forego his naps (he was an excellent napper with the kids). He didn’t need to give me a break or take over. To be fair, he did take our son TWICE so that I could get a full night’s sleep (our son didn’t sleep through the night until he was four years old). He shouldn’t be expected to take on any childcare chores or to do anything with his kids. He had a tremendous opportunity and he blew it. The funny part of all of this is his stupid bitch cousin tells her own husband all the time what a fantastic father my husband is. Yeah, right.
  • One year I bought him a TiVo for Christmas. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship, I believe. He loved that thing. The only problem was he began eating downstairs while watching said TiVo. The kids and I used to come downstairs to eat with him but then he would complain. “I’ve spent 20 minutes trying to watch the last 5 minutes of this show; can you please take them somewhere so I can finally watch this?” Yes, Father of the Year material right there.
  • He would not respect my boundaries. When I would tell him I didn’t like something he would tell me to suck it up. He always said it in a joking manner but he would continue to do the things I didn’t like. If I tell you to stop I mean stop, jackass!
  • Whenever the kids or I had some sort of an illness (headache, stomachache, fever, whatever) the first question out of his mouth was always: Have you taken anything for it? If you haven’t taken anything to help yourself get better I don’t want to hear about it! This is the same man who spent years complaining about his various “issues” and yet refusing to do anything to help himself. Two times I arranged for therapy for him and both times, just as the real meaty part of therapy was going to get underway, he quit. Good news, though- once you start fucking your cousin all your issues go away! Until you realize how much your divorce is going to cost you. Then they all come back- at least until you can con your way out of having to pay anything.
  • While pretty much every illness he ever had ended up with him being in the ER I never once went to the ER due to illness. In fact, when I was pregnant with Picasso I was so sick I spent the day lying in bed and puking so hard I would pee my pants. As I was leaning over the toilet to yak, 17 month old, always helpful Rock Star, would shut the toilet lid on my head. Meanwhile, my dear husband was at work. He couldn’t be bothered to stay at home and help take care of a rambunctious toddler while his wife puked and peed. To be clear I would never have expected him to do such a thing. I simply don’t need that kind of coddling. I find it telling though that whenever he was sick it was always an emergency. When I was sick it was no big deal.
  • Even as the kids got older I was still responsible for still doing for them even when I was sick. I am pretty sure I had pneumonia one time and I was still the one running Rock Star to gymnastics. There might have been a brief period of time, probably after his first affair, where he helped out a little bit more, but that was it. I do remember him going to pick her up from gymnastics one night when I was really sick without me even asking. One time. She had practice 5 days a week, 52 weeks out of the year.

The Continued Airing of Festivus Grievances, aka My Bitch List, Part 8

Yeah, Christmas is over and so is Festivus, I’m sure. Does anyone have a date on this holiday? Nonetheless, the airing of grievances continues! One of my all time favorite stories follows- the infamous show lettuce. Plus, some slight repeat stories. This started out strictly as a bitch list and eventually I wrote about some of these atrocities so I apologize for the repeats.

– We were at a company management Christmas party, I believe. Something was brought out on a bed of show lettuce. My dear husband eats whatever the course was, maybe cottage cheese? And then proceeds to eat the show lettuce. Not wanting him to be the only one who ate the show lettuce I swallow it down as well. My friend told me, “You’re a good wife.” Yeah, apparently not that good; he decided to fuck his cousin instead of being faithful to me.

– The first time I begged him to go to marriage counseling with me after his “confession” (June 2013) he flat out refused and then told me when I found out he’d spent the summer texting and calling his cousin/whore, “You know I haven’t been happy for a long time.” Many years earlier I had asked him to go with me, not even necessarily for marriage counseling and his response was that he didn’t believe the counselor could offer him anything.

– As our kids got older and could stay by themselves for short periods of time I suggested doing a date night weekly, or at least monthly. “Why would we want to do that?” was his response. Yes, I’m totally to blame for us “growing apart”.

– He got mad at me after marital counseling and accused me of thinking I was “so perfect”. This was after the counselor asked how things were going and he just sat there. I was the one who had to tell the story. I told it factually. I didn’t call either of them names or embellish. I simply said, “This is what happened. This is what I was told.” But yes, apparently because I can recall our conversations and tell the counselor what happened I think I’m perfect and do nothing wrong.

– He repeatedly threw me under the bus, especially near the end. Some of the whopper lies he told: We hadn’t had sex in 10 years. I wrote on my other Facebook page, while he was DYING (lie #1) that he was annoying me and wasting my time (lie #2). I left him upstairs alone to cry and didn’t check on him all day. Yes, he couldn’t wait to tell everyone how horrible I was and how mistreated he was; meanwhile, here I am protecting him at all costs. I told three people about his original affair, and two of them lived out of state. Some of my closest friends had absolutely no idea what he had done because I didn’t talk about it. We never had a ten year drought on sex; in fact, considering who he told this to I know he lied about this in the last year. It is true that our sex life took a huge hit for a year or so before his first affair with the gold digging whore, in the last 2 years we had been having lots of sex! Make up sex. Sex twice a day sometimes. Perhaps when he said we hadn’t had sex in ten years what he meant was we hadn’t had sex as frequently as he liked in ten years, and the frequency he would like is ten times a day, every day. Stupid ass! The whole, “She just leaves me upstairs to cry in my room. She hasn’t checked on me all day,” was bullshit! I had checked up on him frequently; every time I checked on him he was sleeping. He was always complaining about how he couldn’t get any sleep so when I saw that he was finally sleeping I didn’t want to wake him. In hindsight I think he lied about the sleeping, too. Every time I would come to bed he was snoring. No sleep my ass. Finally, we all know the dying story is not true. He wasn’t dying and I never wrote anything like that anywhere.

– He also loved to tell people that I only stayed with him for the money, and he had told me he felt like he was nothing more than a wallet and a handyman. I will admit he makes (made) good money. The kids and I lived a very nice life and there wasn’t a whole lot we couldn’t have within reason. No, we weren’t out there buying cars and diamonds and flying off on vacation every other month, but if the kids needed clothes I bought them clothes. They had very nice Christmases. We live(d) in a beautiful, spacious home. To hear him talk, though, you’d think he had a trust fund or something. When I think back to all the things I put up with “the money” wasn’t enough to make me stay if I didn’t love him. He has not been a big ol’ joyful picnic. He’s a neurotic mess, a drama queen, a pessimist, and he was never much of a partner or a parent. 20 years later and all we have is a bunch of debt despite him making 6 figures for the last 15 years. 20 years of moving all over the country, no matter how happy we may have been somewhere. 20 years of buying a new house, getting situated in a new community, making all new friends, watching my kids have to go through that as well. So, no, sweetheart, the money wasn’t why I stayed. The really funny part though is he’s involved with a true gold digger. She’s never had a budget, spends money like it’s water, and has been arrested for writing bad checks. Seriously! How many bad checks and at what amount do you need to write them before they haul your ass off to jail? Not only that she attempted to sucker my husband in with her sad tale of woe where she’s trying to convince him that her husband is the one that likes to spend, spend, spend, and she’s had to file bankruptcy three times because of him! She works 70-80 hour weeks because her husband is wasting all of their money. Ironically, her husband says that never happened. They filed bankruptcy once- when their restaurant closed down. Aside from that it never happened. He wasn’t the one with the spending problem; she was. My dumbass husband is throwing money at her like he used to throw at the strippers he once dated. I’m sure she’s not in it for the money, though! And she will definitely not be moving her ass any time soon. Oh hell, no! Her kids aren’t going to have their lives disrupted.

– Oh yeah, before he dated me he dated two strippers. Not at the same time. Although with his track record and habit of lying who the hell knows!

– While he will bitch and moan to anyone who will listen (mainly his mommy, his sister, his “best friend”, and, I’m sure, his whore) that I just spent every dime he ever made he’s not doing a better job! He’s cashed in stock and taken out a loan to the tune of over $11,000. He has almost $5000/month from his paychecks because he lives at home and pays no bills (he gives me what he thinks he will be ordered to pay and not a dime more! I then pay all the bills out of that.) When he was asked if he had put his share of the money into my account he told me he hadn’t. When asked why he hadn’t, his response was he didn’t have it. His American Express bill is 60 days past due. He paid $200 of a more than $4000 bill when the minimum payment was over $2000. And his corporate card? Oh, that sucker was delinquent as well. And filled with charges for his whore and their fucktastic getaways! (Obviously, this was written during the time he was still living in the house. Things did change but all of the above remains true.)

– He never gets along with his immediate boss. They are fantastic once they are no longer his boss, but while he’s working under them they’re a PITA. In hindsight, I think the reason the people out on the floor like him so much is because he feels he can afford to be generous with them. They fawn over him. They never tell him he’s wrong, and if they were to question him, hey, he’s the boss. I think it’s possible that he gets along with the people from corporate because they all think he’s the greatest thing ever, plus they don’t tell him what to do. They are not his immediate superior and in fact they are known to have an attitude of, “Whatever it takes for him to fix the mess….” He loves that because he’s never told no.

– He was not much of a social person period! He had his moments, but pretty much after he lost his job and we moved he became a hermit. As for holidays, well, he hated them and started leaving me to go visit family on my own almost as soon as we got married.

– He makes no effort to keep up with friendships and then whines that no one comes around. Not that he really has many friends anymore.

– He hated Christmas or at least getting gifts. It was like pulling teeth to get gift ideas. He said it was because he didn’t want to disappoint anyone if they got him something he didn’t like.

– He didn’t like getting birthday gifts, supposedly, either, but he would get butt hurt if you didn’t get him a card.

– I know this is bitchy but I’m going to list it anyway. He was usually terrible with gift giving. I read somewhere once that it’s because people like him have no empathy; they think only of themselves so they can’t imagine thinking about what another person might want. If you gave him a list he was very good about getting everything on that list, even if you didn’t expect that. He was also very good about sending flowers. I will give him credit. But there was one Christmas I got a water filter, a spaghetti pot with a strainer lid, and footie pajamas about 3 sizes too big. There were a few other things in there, too, but I don’t recall what all they were. I think that might have been the year he put car wash coupons in my stocking. My mom always remembers that. Another Christmas I recall him being so proud; he told me he got me a lot of things he thought I was really going to like. It was, as I like to call it, the “As Seen On TV” Christmas. I think I got everything except the automatic plant watering bulbs. There was the pedi-egg, the facial hair remover pads, the no corner brownie tray, a pancake pourer (I will admit I do use that), the sliders griddle…. hmmmm, I can’t remember anymore. It was just package after package of this type of stuff. One year I got a coat that I still wear. Update: I bought myself a new coat so I don’t have to wear that thing anymore. It was quite the practical gift. I do appreciate it but it’s also about 2 sizes too big. Was he subtly trying to tell me that I was a big ol’ fatty and I needed to slim down? Seriously- all the pajamas he bought me were 2X and 3X.

Festivus Continues! (aka My Bitch List, Part 7)

What’s on the list today? How about Jean-Gate, Laundry-Gate, all the different little ways I took care of that big whiny man-child, the A-1 steak sauce faux pas, the time I *gasp* defied his wishes, and what my mother labeled, “the cruelest comment ever”. That’s actually the first thing on the list.

– I remember reading on an Internet forum about how couples discussed finances and when they needed to discuss purchases. At that point I rarely discussed anything of the sort with him, mainly because I never made large purchases. I was out frivolously spending his money on clothes for the kids, groceries, gifts for the family, household items and bills! Anyway, our dog needed expensive surgery. I called him at work to ask his opinion on what we should do. His response? “Why are you calling me at work about this? Isn’t this what I pay you for?”

– It was all about him! I was never “allowed” to be angry or upset, unhappy or discontent. He moved us 2000 miles across the country and then pouts because I’m not adjusting quickly enough.

– I hated our old house. Maybe hate is too strong of a word. It wasn’t my first choice. It was HIS choice. But he got very offended at the idea that I didn’t like the house. “I’m paying the fucking mortgage; I would think you would appreciate this house a little bit more!” Hey- I can appreciate the fact that I made the friends and the connections and got involved the way that I did because we bought that particular house. It still doesn’t mean it was the house I would have chosen. He has a fucking affair with his goddamn whore of a cousin and he’s crying because I haven’t forgiven him fast enough. Not to mention I haven’t completely forgotten about it.

– In a similar vein he bought me an under the counter can opener one year. Don’t mock him; I loved the one I had originally and I wanted another one. But this particular one was a dud. It didn’t open smoothly and it got to the point where you would stop and start a dozen times and the damn can still wouldn’t be opened! I never said a word though because I knew if I did it would devolve into a pity party and how he was the absolute worst husband in the world and obviously he couldn’t do anything right. I guess that would fall under the category of “Never Criticize Him. Ever.” Why? Because he can’t take it. I think he’d rather take a punch to the face than have anyone tell him he’s wrong.

– I remember one time a kid was having a meltdown. I don’t remember what it was about but I do remember I was fed up. I called him at work and got his voicemail. I proceeded to let the kid scream and cry on his voicemail. Boy, was he pissed! “Thanks for making me feel bad!” Hey, no problem! I’d like you to get the full experience of parenthood instead of the whitewashed version.

– I picked up his jeans to wash them while we were at his mom’s. He asked where they were and I told him they were in the washing machine. He made some snide comment about how he was going to wear them that day so I made an offhand remark about how he should be thanking me for doing his laundry instead of yelling at me. That did not go over well! He hissed at me that he thanked me for every little thing I did, blah blah blah. I don’t remember the rest of it but I do know his little rant brought me to tears. All for washing his fucking jeans!

– He would never tell me when he was getting low on socks or underwear or undershirts. Anything really. No, instead he would wait until he had been out of something for several days, up to a week before he would speak up. “I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear for five days now.” Jesus Christ on crutches! Can you not tell me when you’re getting low on something or do you honestly expect me to inventory your fucking drawers to see what you have? As an aside I hate to do laundry so I would regularly buy him extra socks, underwear, undershirts, etc. It would definitely be possible to have a laundry basket overflowing with clothes and still have plenty of clothes to wear, so it’s not like a full hamper was a huge clue that he was running low. The sad part is I had convinced myself at one point that I *should* be checking his drawers so that he never ran out of anything. I was a bad, bad wife for not keeping on top of all of this!

– This is one a friend of mine remembers just because she thought it was such bullshit. I was never “allowed” to use his grill. That was his. He couldn’t believe it when we went to a cookout at her house and she was the one grilling! His little man mind was blown!

– This one isn’t so much a major gripe but again, this is my list of Festivus grievances so… whenever he would grill steaks he considered it a personal insult if anyone would use steak sauce on the steaks. Apparently, he was such a master griller that no one should ever need condiments when he was the chef. For the record, I LOVE A-1 sauce. Judge away!

– He didn’t like chicken so I rarely made any dishes with chicken. I certainly didn’t make a roasted chicken or fried chicken. But then it got tricky. Kinda like how he hated mayonnaise and it made him gag but he liked tartar sauce… some chicken was ok. Shredded chicken. Breaded chicken. Chicken in casseroles- but only sometimes.

– He didn’t like mushrooms so whenever I would make spaghetti sauce or beef stroganoff I would fix his plate first and then I would add the mushrooms to the rest of the dish and heat it up before serving the rest of us.

– We went over to a friend’s house one evening and we were supposed to bring something to share (read: I was supposed to make something to share). I don’t even remember what it was that he wanted me to bring but I do remember I chose to make two other things instead. Man-child actually pouted and was pissed that I made something other than what he had “asked” me to make. He didn’t like what I made instead and that made him very sad. He probably wanted me to make taco dip and I made spinach and artichoke dip and broccoli salad instead. Ha! You will never again taste my taco dip, you cousin fucking, soul sucking waste of skin! Or my biscuits and gravy.

I continue to be amazed by stupidity. I’ve heard it said that it’s okay to give your all to someone else but that in turn that person should be willing to give their all to you. I’m afraid that’s just never going to happen again. I’m too damn tired. I wasted my best years on a person who didn’t deserve it. I don’t have the energy to be nice to another man.

My Bitch List, Part 6

Will Festivus ever end? It’s doubtful. I’ve got 20 years of pent up rage going on here. Today’s Airing of Grievances: vacations, drama queen antics, holidays and funerals. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without yet more stupid doormat behavior on my part.

    • He agreed to go on vacation with us and then ended up almost ruining the entire trip for us because of his so-called panic attack.  He blamed it on various things- pricking his finger on a cactus, being dehydrated, drinking too much water after he got dehydrated.  We went out for breakfast the next day and he was shaking.  Eating fucking breakfast was too much for him!  I find it amazing that now that he’s fucking his cousin he’s miraculously cured.  He can get in his damn car and drive hours to get in her pants every weekend.  He can hightail it up to his college class reunion and spend five days there.  I never hear of him panicking or having issues with the driving.  It’s a miracle!  Praise Jesus!
    • Looking back on it he seemed to revel in all his illnesses and disasters.  He would proudly tell that story of how he drank too much water and nearly ruined the vacation for us.  Of course, he didn’t phrase it that way.  it was more of, “I thought I was dehydrated so I drank a bunch of water, and wow, let me tell you about all the side effects I had from that!  I spent the entire vacation in our hotel room.”  My mom pointed out that he was rather proudly recounting his psychotic break in the psych ward when he responded very poorly to a medication.  It ended up causing hallucinations.  He entertained us with various stories of everything that happened when he was in this state of mind.  And strangely enough, I was the villain in the story.  I shit in his car, I snuck alcohol in his room and tried to “frame” him so he would have to stay longer, and I was just plain mean and nasty to him.  In reality I was visiting him every day for the entire length of the visitation time and running out and buying books, gum, etc. to keep him from being too bored.
    • More stupid from me. I fixed and brought him his plate every night.  I would make dinner, put it on a plate for him and take it to him.  I remember sitting around the table one time and he joked, “What are these for?” upon seeing a serving spoon.  Ha ha ha.  Oh, that’s so funny.  Seriously, folks; I would put his tacos together for him!
    • His job was the only thing that mattered.  Every time I would make noise about going back to school for a more marketable degree, or going back to work he would let me know that it had better not affect him.  He didn’t want to have to pay for my classes even though it would end up bringing in more family income.  He didn’t want me to take a job where I had to travel, or where I would have to work nights or weekends.  Basically, if I got a job that was awfully cute but I was still expected to do all of the housework, laundry, child care, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.  Oh yeah, and if the kids were sick or had the day off from school then I needed to arrange for child care or call off because his job was way too important to do any of that.  Plus, he had lots of television to watch in the evening so he couldn’t be expected to make dinner or schlep kids around to activities.
    • He was the biggest drama queen!  Every little thing that went wrong he blew up a million times.  If something was wrong with the A/C then by golly that was going to cost thousands of dollars to fix.  If the toilet ring was loose and needed repair it was going to cost thousands (or perhaps only hundreds in this case) to fix.  Our daughter brought her guinea pig into a restaurant in a lunchbox when she was five.  He FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!  Swore the health department was going to shut down the restaurant, we’d have to pay the fines, we’d have to buy everyone’s dinner.  There was never a simple solution.  He borrowed trouble.  Geez Louise, calm down, assess the problem, and then act.
    • He couldn’t be bothered to take his kids to see his family but he expected me to drive an additional 5-6 hours when I would go out to visit my family so that I could take the kids down to see his mom.  They *never* met us someplace or came up to where we were.  It was always me putting them in the car and driving the whole distance down to them.  To make it extra special then the return trip home would be extended by about 3 hours.  I once ended up on a 100 mile detour because he had insisted I take the kids to see his mom and the route I normally took to get back home was flooded.  About 5 miles from my exit I was sent on a detour around 10:00 at night and I ended up driving an additional hundred miles.
    • He wasn’t big on holidays.  He did a little better once the kids came along, but he was perfectly content for the most part to do very little.  When the kids were younger we would go out to dinner for our anniversary and then finish up the Christmas shopping but in the later years I did all of it.  He might go out and buy them one or two things while he was shopping for me.  He did decorate the outside.  But I was the one that regularly took the kids to be with family over the holidays while he was content to sit at home by himself.
    • My favorite holiday was Mother’s Day (that’s sarcasm, folks).  When I lived close to my family I would get the kids (or kid when there was only one) and take them down to my mom’s house.  I spent the entire day there, tending to my kids.  It never occurred to him to take the kids so I could have some free time (when my kids were young- preschool age and younger- I rarely had any time to myself so this would have been a treat).  For Father’s Day he was given the entire day to do whatever he wanted, usually without kids.  I would again take my kids down to my mom’s house, and if I didn’t go down there, then I would wrangle them up and take care of them.  He also usually got a child-free Easter when we lived close to my mom.
    • I spent many holidays with him at our house and me with my family because he chose not to take time off and be with me.  When we lived close to my mom I would take the kids down there for Easter; he would stay at home.  Mother’s Day, Father’s Day- already went over those.  We did spend pretty much every Thanksgiving with his family when distance wasn’t an issue.  We would celebrate Christmas with them at that time, too.  This was his choice because he always got more time off at Thanksgiving than at Christmas.  When we were close to my mom we would all go down for Christmas Eve.  Whenever we lived several hundred (or thousand) miles away I would usually end up going by myself.  When we lived down south he never came up with me.  When we lived out west he came with me twice (and we did visit with both of our families).  The rest of the time I would make the trip with both kids by myself, to both families. And I drove.
    • I drove 26 hours straight through the night after packing my suitcase and both kid’s suitcases plus boarding two dogs at two different places to be with him after his father died.  I also had the house relatively picked up for when he came home and had finished the laundry, thinking I had an extra day to get everything done.  I also notified the school so that the absences for both kids would be excused and they could get their homework and finish it while on the trip.  That’s pretty much what any loving spouse would do, right?  Yeah, when my grandfather died he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to make the trip with me.  He only went because I insisted after my mother had an absolute fit upon hearing that my husband wasn’t going to go with me (and this wasn’t even her father!).  He didn’t go with me to either of my grandmother’s funerals, or when my step-father died.  Come to think of it, when my former father-in-law’s father died my mother, my daughter, and I all went down to be with him while my dear husband stayed at home.  I went because I felt called to do so.  I guess he just didn’t give a damn.  Or maybe it was because of work.  It was always so important until he started fucking his cousin.  Now it’s amazing how much vacation time he can take.
    • In that same vein, although he couldn’t make it down for his step grandfather’s funeral (a man he had known since he was 15 and saw quite frequently when we would make our trips down to his home state) he was able to make it to his cousin’s funeral (a man he had seen maybe 3 or 4 times in the 20 years we were married).  I’m sure the fact that he was looking forward to fucking his other cousin played a huge role in his desire to go to that one.  Bonus points for the fact that he refused to take our daughter down with him so she could see her grandmother since it would interfere with his ability to fuck his cousin.  Double bonus points (or maybe triple!) for taking that opportunity to introduce his whore to his dad’s side of the family.  Klassy!