Advice From the Mistress, Part 1

Great news, ladies! A professional (reformed) mistress is going to tell us how to keep our husbands and act more like a mistress instead of a wife. I found this lovely bit of advice thanks to Chump Lady. I thought I’d take a stab at pointing out why it’s a load of shit. Gentlemen, I apologize that there is no advice for you here. If you ever come across a reformed other man who has thoughtfully given you advice on how to keep your wife I’ll be more than happy to dissect that for you.

First and foremost what she’s going to teach you at “Wife School” is how to act more like a mistress than a wife. I would advise having a bucket handy for when you feel the need to vomit because this is cringe worthy. She goes on to tell you this is the “official, simple 12-steps to Affair-Proofing your Marriage”!!!!  Ladies, we all know this is bullshit, right? There is no such thing as affair-proofing. Remember, cheating is a character issue, not a relationship issue. If you can’t get him to eat a damn turnip or go to a party with you then chances are not good that you are going to be able to control his wandering penis. Now that we’ve got that settled…

  1. Be the woman he married – He married you for a reason, he loves you, so be sure you don’t change into a different woman as soon as you’ve eaten the wedding cake!

Um… excuse me, but if he loves me so much, why is he cheating on me? That’s my first question. Second question: What do you mean by “don’t turn into a different woman as soon as you’ve eaten the wedding cake”? Do you mean I should never evolve? Never gain a pound for fear he won’t want me anymore? Do you mean that if I once loved watching some home improvement shows on whatever channel they appeared that I must always like watching them? Or do you mean that I shouldn’t present myself as a put together person who does laundry, washes dishes, cooks and is able to take responsibility for my own self but once I get married I can suddenly no longer put a frozen pizza in the oven, never even bother with putting my washed and folded clothes away, and wouldn’t dream of doing the dishes now since I’m married, make more money, and housework is the spouse’s job?

Hey! That describes CF. Throw in being willing to go places and socialize with people until after the wedding and it’s him to a T. Why didn’t I cheat, Sarah?

2. Keep your appearance in check – Don’t pile on the weight after you get ‘comfortable’ with him, nor let your dress sense go. Looking good will help YOU feel better, as well as making sure your husband only has eyes for you.

Oh Sarah… silly, silly Sarah. You have to know that a woman has more to offer her partner than a rocking hot body dressed in skimpy clothing, right?

I rarely wore sweatpants. I sometimes wore yoga pants. But mostly I wore jeans. I did a lot of cleaning and a lot of laundry. I cleaned out guinea pig cages and cat litter boxes. Was I supposed to wear a short, tight skirt and a bustier to do that? I can see it now: I’m giving CF a come hither smile as I greet him at the door, sauntering over to him as I toss my hair back and pluck an errant wood chip out of my crystal studded bustier. “Welcome home, lover boy! I’ve missed you!”

In fact I recall my mom handing off a brown knit ensemble which I wore more than once. One day he turned to me and said something to the effect of: Why are you wearing that? It makes you look like an old lady. I’m pretty sure we were in the car at the time. I do know I promptly went and changed clothes. I also never wore that again.

I did tend to wear make-up every day. Not heavy make-up. Not everything from foundation down to powder every day but at least eyeliner and sometimes lipstick. When he complained that I never wore make-up anymore and/or always put my hair up in a ponytail or bun I made a concentrated effort to pay attention to my make-up and to leave my hair down. Hair, by the way, that I kept long because he liked it long. If that meant I had spent the day cleaning the house or cleaning up after pets then I made sure to stop 30 minutes or so before he was supposed to get home so that I could do my hair and make-up for him.

Furthermore, dear stupid Sarah, I didn’t sit around on my ass all day. I was constantly doing stuff. You know what that means? I was out in public. I put on make-up. I did my hair. I wore jeans and a cute top.

He STILL cheated!

Finally, to your first point, thousands, if not millions, of women are overweight with faithful husbands. And thousands, let’s hope it’s not millions, of thin, beautiful women get cheated on. Do the names Jennifer Aniston, Christie Brinkley, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Garner, Gwen Stefani, and Eva Longoria ring a bell? Maybe if they had taken better care of themselves…

3. Listen to him and be attentive – Be interested in him and how his day was. Stay up late to see him after he’s had a hard day at work, even if you are tired. Ask him how his day was, before unloading all your troubles (and not too many troubles!)

Dear Jesus! Seriously? Sarah, do you see women as people or as simply penis receptacles? I had no problem being interested in my husband’s day. I frequently asked him how his day was and listened attentively to all of his stories. I also was very cautious about unloading my own troubles on him because the poor baby couldn’t handle it. I was often told, “Only one of us can be crazy at one time and that one person is always me!” I handled damn near everything by myself, Sarah, so as not to burden the poor man. I still got cheated on.

Ladies, communicating with your husband is wonderful. Taking an interest in him is wonderful. But this idea perpetuates the fantasy that we are only here to fulfill their wants. Who cares if you’re dead tired? You’ve got a man to please! Hop to it! Surely you realize that if you really loved him and were invested in your relationship you wouldn’t use taking care of kids, making dinner, doing laundry, paying bills, cleaning house, buying the family birthday and Christmas gifts, arranging the social calendar, going grocery shopping, taking care of pets, and running kids around as an excuse as to why you’re so tired and in no mood to wait up for him. If you love him and you want to keep him you will exhaust yourself with a smile on your face!

Don’t burden him with your pesky problems. He doesn’t want to hear about that. He wants to talk about himself. He’s the important one in this relationship. Nothing else matters besides him- not the kids, not parents/family, not responsibilities, and certainly not YOUR problems. Remember, YOU don’t matter.

I bet you can’t wait for Part 2!

Missing the Affair Partner

September 2014

This is what I was going to write about in my last entry before I got off on my tangent. These other blogs. Every now and then you’ll get comments from the cheating spouses and they talk about how much they miss their affair partner. I asked Zack once, around a month after he ended it, if he missed her. He said he did, but it was more that he missed talking about that side of the family. If he were still mooning over her I’d have left. I know by late October he was calling her a midlife crisis and said he should have bought a motorcycle. I have to say the one thing I am definitely proud of was my insistence that I deserved to be happy too; I deserved to be with someone who loved me. If that wasn’t him then he could leave and go be with his whore.

To all of you jackasses out there mooning over your whore go to her (or him). Get the fuck out and go be with your lying, cheating soul mate. Do you really think you’re doing your spouse a favor, wasting their time while you pine for someone else?

One of them was going on and on about his gorgeous 23 year old whore. She was half his age and the best sex he’d ever had. So go to her! Find out what living with her 24/7 is like. See if you think she’s so wonderful when her only job is no longer sucking your dick. See how eager she is to ride your dick all night long when she is expected to clean your house, cook your meals, do your laundry, run errands for you, look after you while you’re sick. How are you going to deal with it when all you want to do is bang your hot little girlfriend but your kids are over and they get sick in the middle of the night? And what happens if the baby whore doesn’t want to take care of you? She’s pretty. Everyone wants her. You may end up doing all those things your wife used to do for you. Sex goddesses don’t clean up after men. They don’t cook or do laundry. And they certainly don’t take a backseat to some other woman’s children. You may have to say goodbye to your children in order to hang on to your baby whore. But, hey, she’s young. She can pop out a few replacement babies for you. In the next few years. Won’t that be fantastic? You’ll be a 50 year father to a newborn. 72 when that kid graduates from college. Your friends are experiencing freedom because their children are teens or older and you need to get back home to your baby whore because you have an infant. Your friends aren’t quite so envious now, are they? You have to say no to weekends away and adult activities, and your sexy gorgeous baby whore is now tired, potentially fat, and focused on her newborn instead of sucking your dick and riding your penis all night long. Meanwhile, your kids that you ditched hate you and have nothing to do with you, and your ex… Well, she’s older, wiser, and now that her kids are older and more independent she and her new husband have plenty of time for weekend getaways, traveling, and couple time. Now that she’s in a relationship where she’s loved and cherished and isn’t constantly being compared to your baby whore she’s happy, healthy, and having lots of sex. She and her husband are the ones that watched or will watch your kids graduate from high school and college. They’re the ones going on vacation with them and sharing their lives with them. They are the ones your kids will turn to when they need help. You’ve lost everything and for what? It won’t be long until you’re looking for your new baby whore.

Present Day Sam Says: I know this is very similar to Just Go. Sorry.

It still amazes me how cheaters expect sympathy because they’re missing the whore. It still amazes me that so many of them think the whore is their soul mate.

No matter how many of them think they know what life will be like with their affair partner 24/7, no matter how many of them say, “It’s more than just sex. We have a connection!”, it’s still a fantasy.

I read on another website that an affair partner usually meets about 10% of the cheating spouse’s needs. 10%! The spouse fills the other 90%. What’s going to happen when the affair partner has to go from meeting 10% to 100% of the cheater’s needs?

I say it’s not real life because it isn’t. Affairs are dirty secrets. They’re hidden. They’re sneaky and furtive. People think they know how life will be because they think they’re working, taking care of kids, and doing the daily grind with the affair partner. Only they’re not. The spouse is generally there picking up all the slack while the two cheaters sneak away- free of all obligations except their yearning loins.

Seriously, cheaters, if you think the whore is your true love I’m begging you- leave your spouse and marry the whore! And then please blog about it. I would love to hear how everything is going one or two or five years down the line.  Please! Go fulfill your dreams!

The Dream Job Starts To Become a Nightmare

September 2014

I can’t feel too sorry for him because he wanted this but I’m left once again just shaking my head at what is my life. I know he says he wanted this job to feel better about himself, to feel excited about work again. But, I also know they planned on him moving closer so they could be closer. Makes it much more convenient to meet up and fuck when you can lie and say you’re visiting your family when in reality you are driving to meet up with your whore. No airplane ticket needed. I digress.

He is disgruntled, dismayed, distraught. Feeling sorry for himself. I understand. His boss wants them running seven days a week. Zack is pissed.

So, to sum up, Zack is unhappy, I’m unhappy, our son is unhappy, and while our daughter seems to be very happy, we’ve wasted around $25,000 these last 3 years on gymnastics. I’m putting it all on my husband and his dear whore. I probably should hold him more responsible. Afterall, he just had to have this plant. But I figure with her sending him naked pictures and telling him how she’d suck his dick all the time once he was closer he was easily persuaded to let all the powers that be know he wanted it. Wow- his dream job and his dream whore, all tied up in a neat little bow. Only it’s not his dream job and he supposedly dumped his dream whore long before an offer was made. I would love to see her in this position- her Romeo a mess, her kids unhappy. I do wonder how she would handle it. Not exactly what you were expecting and fantasizing about, huh, Harley? As I always like to remind you, you got all the good and never experienced any of the bad.

Present Day Sam Says: <<< Makes it much more convenient to meet up and fuck when you can lie and say you’re visiting your family when in reality you are driving to meet up with your whore. No airplane ticket needed. >>> Did I nail it or what? That is exactly the excuse Cousinfucker used!

My brother tells me I was being a supportive wife, that I did whatever it took to make that jackass happy, so I shouldn’t blame myself. Yet… every time I look back I think to myself, “How could you have been so stupid?” I knew his original plan was to move us all closer to her. I knew he began making noise about taking over the Whoreville plant when he was involved with Harley. I was just so convinced that we were back on track and that he really had chosen me. I thought I had won the so-called pick me dance and that he rejected Harley. I was full of hubris and my children and I have paid a steep price for that.

Just Go!

As I said a while ago I have been expanding my horizons and reading other blogs, including cheater blogs. Why? I don’t know because they tend to infuriate me. All the same stupid excuses. All the same thinking.

I find myself constantly perplexed by their dilemma of whether or not to leave the spouse. It seems to me it would be a no-brainer. I mean, they talk about how the spouse (usually the wife, but sometimes the husband) doesn’t meet their needs, they’re not sexually compatible or never have sex period, they live like roommates, the spouse doesn’t understand them, blah blah blah. Of course, the mistress (or lover occasionally) always gets them. She’s always so hot, so wonderful, so sexy, so terrific in bed. He thinks about her constantly and she’s the love of his life, his soul mate, blah blah blah.

Yet these people continue to deliberate over whether or not to leave the spouse. What is the big decision here? They talk about their spouse like she is a burden while the whore they’re fucking is a goddess. The wife can do no right and the whore can do no wrong. So how is there even a decision left to make? Why not leave and go be with the perfect one?

Let me guess! You have kids. You have entangled finances. You have shared real estate holdings. You own a business together. He makes very good money, allowing you a very nice lifestyle you don’t want to give up. Divorce is just so hard!

Let me tell you something. I had been a stay at home mom for fifteen years, hadn’t had a full time job since April of ’98, had followed CF around the country for 19 years, putting my own career on the back burner, and was completely dependent on my husband. I was 46 years old, had no one lined up to take the husband’s place and honestly believed (and still believe) that divorcing him meant I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I had been living in a new state for only a year, had just bought a new house, new car, new furniture, and had just put a brand new $57,000 pool in our backyard. I had just switched phone companies and entered a new two year contract and had just renewed my license plates for three years. I still had no family close by and all of my friends were 2000 miles away because again, CF had just moved us across the country. I was looking at financial ruin, no support system and a life spent raising two kids on my own, so if I could file for divorce in spite of all of that you can certainly leave and go be with your soul mate.

You act like you are doing us some favor, deliberating over whether or not to stay or go. You are not. You are wasting our time; you are stealing years of our lives. You are taking free choice away from us and forcing us to live lies. We think we’re building a life with you and you’re busy trying to decide if you’re going to keep fucking Schmoopie/Studly Do Right on the side, or if you’re just going to leave us for the whore. We think we have a partner for life, someone with whom we will grow old, and you’re fantasizing about your perfect affair partner who never makes a wrong move while you catalog all of our faults.

One of the things that pisses me off the most about my situation is all the wasted years. I spent over twenty years with that waste of skin. Had he left ten years ago I might have had a chance to make something of my life. Hell, had he left when he was first confronted I might have had a chance! Now, I’m utterly and thoroughly fucked. I have no shot at a career. I have no shot at making any kind of a decent living. I will never come close to having what I had all those years. I wasted my youth on him. I wasted the best years of my life on him.

You want to write down a list of pros and cons for keeping your spouse versus leaving and going with the soul mate? Why bother? Your spouse will never be able to compete with the mirage that is the other person. That person doesn’t live with you. That person doesn’t see you when you’re sick. You’re never harping on her because she didn’t pick up your laundry from the dry cleaner’s, or on him because he didn’t mow the grass. Their only task is to fuck you. The whole relationship is secretive and sexy and the thrill of knowing you’re doing wrong adds to the excitement. You’re in a little cocoon where you don’t have to deal with any real life situations. No one is ever going to have to stop what they’re doing because a kid is calling for them. No, you’ve arranged it so that your cuckolded spouse (or daycare) is taking care of the kids while you run off and fuck your soul mate. Life is perfect with the soul mate. You never fight. You’re never in a bad mood. No one has to figure out the logistics of how to pay the mortgage or what to do about grandparents who won’t listen or who’s going to pick the kids up because you’re relationship is all about the two of you- no one else. You have no distractions because your getaways are secret; you’re having an affair so no one else is going to be involved.

I think this is where Chump Lady’s unified theory of cake comes into play. You like the “kibbles” and you don’t leave because the spouse is doing something for you; you’re getting something out of the marital arrangement. Maybe it’s as basic as taking care of the house and the kids. Or as basic as supporting you or enabling you to live a lifestyle you couldn’t live on your own. Maybe you don’t want to deal with the financial hit you would possibly take, or you don’t want to have to pay child support. Hey, as long as the spouse has no idea there is another person you are free to spend as much of the marital money pot on the soul mate as you want! Once that divorce comes through though you might easily see your income cut in half, if not more. Maybe it’s as simple as the thrill of having multiple people wanting you. I believe Chump Lady would say it boils down to entitlement and the thrill of getting one over on your unknowing spouse.

Seriously, just leave. Go! Get out! Stop wasting your spouse’s life. They deserve to find someone who will love them the way you claim to love your affair partner. They deserve to be first in someone’s life because they sure as hell will never come first in yours. They will always be unfairly compared to the affair partner. They deserve to be with someone who won’t lie to them, cheat on them, betray them, and humiliate them.

You deserve to live your life with your soul mate. It will be fun! I’m sure it will be exactly like you imagined it- sex all the time, no fighting, constant understanding. There will be no bills to pay, no children to take care of, no explanations needed when co-workers and friends notice the change in spouse. Your real life with your soul mate will be all kinds of awesome! Never a bad or dull moment. Your kids will be fine! After all, if you’re happy then they’re happy. Besides, kids are resilient, don’t ya know?

Hey, I’m sure that anyone who would throw all their morals aside (assuming they had any to begin with) to sleep with someone else’s spouse is a perfectly delightful person- a real catch, if you will. In some cases they’ve cheated on their own spouse and told their own set of lies. But don’t worry. They would never do that to you. You are special. You are their soul mate. You understand them. They only lie to less deserving people. That would never be you!

A Conversation With Rock Star

“Mom, do YOU think he’s crazy?”

I pause, giving great thought to this question my daughter has just asked.  She has already freely said she believes her dad is legitimately crazy.  She’s not a psychiatrist though so I’m not sure how much stock to put into her diagnosis.  After weighing my words carefully I give her my answer.

“No, I don’t think he’s crazy.  I think he’s living in a fantasy world.  I don’t know for certain where he’s working but I do know his big dream was to work side by side with his best friend.  He once told me he should have taken the job at Best Friend’s plant when Best Friend tried to get him to come work with him and that was one of his biggest regrets.  If I had to bet I would place money on the fact that Best Friend managed to get him a job at his company and they are now working together.  So he thinks he has his dream job and he thinks he has his dream woman.”

She turns up her nose at that comment.  I can’t say that I blame her.  But he does. I don’t tell her this part but he thinks that Harley and her performance are the real thing.  She loves him for who he is and she would never be with him for the money.  Oh no!  That was the evil, awful Sam who stuck around for the money.  Harley is going to be the perfect mate.  She’ll text him every time she takes a shit and let him know all about it.  She’ll tell him how handsome he is and coo over every little thing he does.  Best of all, every weekend it’s nonstop sex!

Here’s the thing.  I’m sure that for a period of time, maybe even a decent period of time, this will play out just fine.  He will live far enough away from her that he can’t live with her, thereby giving him four days to decompress and do whatever he wants.  Then for 3 days (2 1/2 if we want to be technical) he puts on his Dad of the Year/Companion of the Year mask and is all smiles and grand gestures.  When things start to bother him it’s time to return back to his home where he can chill in front of the television, drink some wine, and not have to deal with anyone.  He doesn’t have to help her get kids to activities.  He doesn’t have to help with homework.  He doesn’t have any of the daily grind you have when you actually live with someone day after day.  But eventually the newness will wear off.  It’s also quite possible that he will find out sooner, rather than later, that the love of his life is cheating on him.  Ouch! Again, not things I say out loud to her.

I do go on to tell her that I think eventually his perfect fantasy life is going to implode.  His best friend has switched companies quite a few times and I don’t see them staying at the same company, together, for another fifteen to twenty years.  I also don’t see Cousinfucker taking it too well when and if Best Friend becomes his boss.  I also don’t see Best Friend taking it too well if the situation was reversed.  I think they have this vision of what life is going to be like, them working together, and I don’t think reality is going to play out anywhere close to this dream of theirs.  They are two alpha males and I see them either clashing with one another, or them trying to take down their boss, which probably won’t go over well with him.  Even if my theory that he’s working with Best Friend is incorrect and he’s actually working somewhere completely different the same rules apply.  He will love it at first and then when he doesn’t get to dictate every single thing he’s going to begin pouting and decide he hates it.  Only now he’s stuck.

What I say to her in summation is that once the newness of his relationship wears off and he realizes what kind of a person Harley is, and once he realizes that working with Best Friend isn’t the dream he believes it will be, I think he is going to look back at everything he has given up- his wife of over 20 years, his two kids, a job that he’s held for more than 15 years, and he’s going to realize how severely he has screwed himself.

At this point in my “journey” I’m not sure if I’d rather see that day arrive and smirk knowingly, gleeful at his misery, or if I would prefer to truly not give a damn and just be able to shake my head and say, “Sucks to be you.”  Only time will tell, I suppose.

Is My New Lawyer Psychic?

I saw another lawyer last week.  I liked her and I decided to switch.  I have many reasons for making the switch but key among them would be communication and the fact that I think my previous attorney botched my case.  Not an all out, Oh my God, I’m ruined, kinda botched.  But he definitely did not do me any favors or get me the best deal possible.

First interesting moment of the conversation with her was when she told me that everything in the court order is modifiable.  And there is a lot I’d like to see modified.  The funny part though is due to Cousinfucker quitting his job and leaving the state I now have a material change in circumstances.  Of course, I can be granted anything by the court but it doesn’t mean shit if he’s going to defy the court order or believes he’s untouchable because he’s out of state.  He probably thought he was going to screw me by getting everything excluded from his annual salary except his base pay and then turning around and getting a new job with a potentially higher base pay, even if the bonuses aren’t as good.  He thought he would screw me by promising half of his bonus check and to pay off the pool with that money and then leaving his job and doing neither of those two things.  Turns out the joke’s on him because with him taking this new job I can now go back and ask to have support re-evaluated.  And this time, when he has to throw in extra to cover marital debt my attorney is going to have that excluded from spousal support.  It will show up as a contribution to the marital debt, which it is, instead of as spousal support to me.  And as far as the bonus check is concerned I still have hope that he actually received it before leaving his company, but if he didn’t I would love to drag his ass before a judge and have him explain why he agreed to something only to turn around and voluntarily resign from his job no more than six weeks later.

The second moment was when the lawyer told me she was concerned for his mental well being.  She said there were a lot of red flags coming up for her and she was very concerned that he was going to have a complete mental breakdown, especially when Harley dumps him.  I explained that two years ago when he was confiding in Jezebel about his affair he told her that Harley made him happy and I remarked that according to Harley he is Daddy of the Year and she’s never been happier.  This is where it begins to get really interesting.

She looked at me and said, “Are you really going to take her word for it?  She’s a married woman with four kids having an affair with her cousin.  He’s a paycheck to her, a sugar daddy.”

Wow!  Here is a woman who has never met me, Cousinfucker or Harley and yet she has said the exact same thing that I have said, that family members have said.  I’ll admit that sometimes I wonder if I’m wrong and that she’s not the real love of his life.  I wonder if I say she’s just a gold digging whore to make myself feel better.  But here is a woman who has seen many, many divorces over the years.  She’s been doing this a long time.  And she has made the same observation.  In many ways it’s validation.  I continue to wrestle with the idea that this is not my fault.  Rationally I know it is not.  But in my insane moments (yes, I do have those!) I keep coming back to the old, “What if I didn’t do this?  What if I did that?  Maybe I should have done this.”  This lady put it all in perspective.  I am correct!  He’s a paycheck to Harley.  She’s a desperate, gold digging mother of four who has found a sugar daddy.  I’m hoping to help him run out of sugar quite soon.

The other thing she said that really resonated was I am the one that kept him grounded.  She had already told me how there were a lot of red flags for her when I told her my story.  She then mentioned that he has this nice little fantasy life going on and once things crumble she’s not sure he’s going to be able to keep it together.  She is very worried that he will end up having a complete breakdown and lose his job.  As she put it (and I’m going to paraphrase here):  When things come crashing down you’re not going to be there to help put them back together this time.  And I have a feeling you were that person- you kept it all going, even if he refuses to acknowledge it.  Again, I have to pump my fist and shout, “Yes!”

I was indeed that person.  I don’t think he has any idea how much bullshit I put up with in order to keep things going.  I took care of the house, the pets, the kids, him.  I cooked.  I cleaned.  I did his laundry.  The man never had to put away his own clothes for crying out loud!  I washed them, dried them, folded them, and put them away!  He never had to wash a dish.  He was the pampered king.  When he would freak out over something small and insignificant I was the one being the soothing voice of reason.  I was the one who would take charge, make the phone calls, get the job done, and interact with the people.  When he got sick I was the one taking care of him, calling the doctor’s office, taking him to the doctor’s or the ER, sitting with him, running interference for him.  In short, I was awesome.  He no longer has me around to do all of those things.  I can’t be certain but I have a definite feeling that Harley is not going to do those things either.  She’s in it for the money, the good times, the attention.  She is not going to be eager to deal with the real him and she’s certainly not going to be standing by him if he ever loses his job and spirals down into a heap of self pity.

So now in addition to being left after twenty plus years, abandoned in a new town that he insisted we move to, him deserting his two children, and him quitting his job and moving out of state I also get to wait for the inevitable breakdown.  I’ve gotta be honest here.  I’m kinda looking forward to it on the one hand.  On the other hand, he’s not going to be of any use to me in a psych ward, or as an alcoholic who can’t keep a job.  It’s a real quandary, I tell you.  I’d love to see him suffer (hey, I’m only human!) but I’m beginning to think that if he suffers the kids and I will suffer as well.  What to do…. What to do….

Welcome to the Jungle, Part 3

Note:  This is the third part of the story.  Here is Part 1, and here is Part 2.  As always, I am as truthful as the information given to me.  Some information is thanks to Google, some due to her husband, and some I have directly experienced.

Harley’s bio will be brief.  She’s been arrested at least 3 times according to my Google search- once for writing bad checks, once for failure to appear, and the third arrest is a mystery.  I have no idea why she was in that time.  Her husband has pretty much accused her of being an alcoholic and says she has a savior complex.  She is going to be getting her money’s worth with Cousinfucker.  Her husband also said she was sending “inappropriate pictures” to the neighbor this past summer.  This neighbor was quite perturbed when she began a full fledged affair with my husband but they are now once again “friends”.  I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she’s sending him “inappropriate” pictures once again. Oh yes, and she is, according to her husband, still having sex with him.  Isn’t she just the cutest thing ever?

Harley’s most favorite thing to do besides screw married men, is to block people on Facebook. She blocked me the first time around when Cousinfucker came back from Jezebel’s wedding.  He told her about the pictures I had around the house.  She told him she thought that was strange and then promptly blocked me.  After DDay I remember telling CF that blocking me was a stupid move because it put her on my radar.  Gradually I came to realize that was exactly the purpose.  I believe she blocked me hoping to incite a divorce.  I think she figured once she blocked me I would realize they were still involved and I would either be so livid I would throw him out, or I would confront him and demand that he choose between us and he would, of course, choose her.

This last time she set her sights on my daughter.  Rock Star (my new name for my daughter) laid into her dad because of Harley’s insipid message on Facebook about missing him.  He defended the whore and Rock Star ended up sending him a screenshot of her rambling.  He must have said something to the whore because she ultimately ended up blocking my child so that she could no longer see what was being written and “tattle” to her dad.

Looking back on their first affair and her subsequent actions I believe Harley is a manipulative, deceptive, gold digging whore.  As Rock Star says about her Facebook page:  It’s like she wants a Twitter account but doesn’t know how to operate it.  Rock Star has actually said she sometimes felt like she was reading a high school mean girl’s Facebook page back in those days before the whore blocked her.  I did a little research and found out that she didn’t start communicating in earnest with any of Zack’s family until after he dumped her the first time.  After that she couldn’t comment on pages enough.  She was everybody’s friend and she was always front and center.  And now, since the exhumation of this great romance, she has added on pretty much all the family members on Cousinfucker’s father’s side of the family. Let’s add attention whore to her resume, shall we?  My favorite part, though, was finding out from Tammy Faye that Harley had called her and checked on her several times after Zack dumped her the first time.  What a brazen bitch!

Here are some more priceless gems from Harley: The first time she and Zack were involved she kept leaving her phone out so that it would be found by her husband.  Now, I don’t know that she intentionally, or even subconsciously, left it out, but how stupid do you have to be to get caught TWICE?  Once again, I think she was hoping her husband would do her dirty work.  The second time she was discovered (again, still the first time they were involved) Zack asked her what she was going to do since her husband (I shall call him The Saint) knew they were involved again.  Harley’s loving response:  I’m not going to do anything.  I don’t care if he knows.

Much like Zack lied to her about his marriage and how awful and evil I am Harley has lied to him about The Saint.  Now, keep in mind this is a story Zack shared with me when we were “reconciling”.  She apparently told him that The Saint, a stay at home dad for over ten years, had put her into bankruptcy three times. I would bet money this came about when Zack was whining about how I spent all of his money.  When DDay #2 came along and The Saint was willing to talk to me I asked him point blank if that was true. Was poor, little Harley working 60-80 hours a week, working her poor whorish little fingers to the bone while that big bad Saint recklessly spent her money?  Turns out, according to him, they filed bankruptcy once- because a business they started up failed.  I again, point blank, asked him, “So you weren’t out there spending all her money, putting her in the poorhouse?”  He laughed and told me Harley didn’t even know what a budget was and that she and their daughter spent money like it was water.  I guess that explains the arrest for writing bad checks!  And why she was so eager to get down on her knees and suck her cousin’s dick.  She’s going to make all of her and her kids’ dreams come true, one blow job at a time, all the while managing to stay out of jail!

 

Welcome to the Jungle, Part 2

Note:  This is the second part of the story.  To see the first part, click here.  And once again all these stories have been told to me by Zack, or members of Zack’s family.  If they are not true accounts that is because lying liars who lie lied to me.

Incidentally, that is not his real name but I also know he hates the name.  Always said it reminded him of the kid on Saved By the Bell and he hated him for some reason.  I really wanted to name my son Zachary but he wouldn’t hear of it.  All because of that kid on Saved By the Bell.  Well guess what, asshole?  Now YOUR name is Zack!  Doesn’t Harley and Zack have a nice ring to it?  I’m trying to take the potty mouth down a notch so I may start referring to him as Zack on occasion instead of Cousinfucker all the time.

Now let’s get a little freakier!  I’ve made mention of my STBX-SIL, aka Jezebel.  Where do we start?  Again, something simple and easy to digest.  The first time I ever met Jezebel the entire family had plans to go to a Mexican restaurant.  Jezebel brought Chinese food with her into this Mexican restaurant.  She didn’t really want Mexican so she called to see if she could bring her own food.  I had never heard of such a thing.  That should have been my first clue that good ol’ Jezzy didn’t play by ordinary people’s rules.  She, like Cousinfucker, was very, very special.

This is the sister who loves to talk about how much she just loves her brother.  Pictures are worth a thousand words and she lives her life in pictures.  I think the happiest day of her life was when Facebook allowed you to have a profile picture AND a cover picture.  Now she could switch out 2 pictures all the time, instead of just one!  Seriously, I had to stop following her even when I did like her because I couldn’t stand the constant changing of her profile and cover pictures.  We get it!  You’re pretty.  Everyone tells you exactly how pretty.  We also get that you are madly in love with Husband #3 and have a new found love of all things outdoors.  Hey- could I see yet another picture of you hanging onto the “love of your life” or you dressed up in camouflage?  If you judged her by her Facebook and Instagram photos you would think she has a picture perfect life.  Reality is she couldn’t be bothered to actually visit her brother once in the last ten plus years (I’ll give her a break and stop counting once he began his incestuous affair with the whore).  In 21 years of us being together she visited 6 times- 4 of those times were for something other than just coming to see us.  She made a huge deal about CF being at her wedding and then spent probably less than 30 minutes with him the entire weekend; in fact, he’s not in a single wedding picture and if he’s to be believed (which is debatable) he wasn’t in any of the pictures because she sent him on a liquor run before the wedding and he almost missed her getting married. $500 for a plane ticket.  $500 for one stupid weekend and she sends him out to get more liquor and he almost misses the ceremony.  Nice.

Similarly, she’ll tell you how much she loves and misses her niece and nephew and it just tears her up inside to think she’ll never get to see them again but does she do anything to foster a relationship with them?  That would be a big fat no.  Aside from telling my daughter how pretty she is (before my daughter blocked her on all social media) and how she takes after Aunt Jezebel she does nothing.  They both have cell phones and email addresses.  Does she reach out to them?  No, not even a text and definitely not a phone call.  Has she ever offered to fly them out to her for a visit?  No.  Even offered to come and drive them back with her?  Again, no.  We already know that visiting them is not something she does because she hadn’t visited our home since my son was a baby and he’s now 13. No, she expected ME to bring them to HER and then after stabbing me in the back repeatedly she whines that I’m somehow keeping the kids from her.  Her relationship with her dear niece and nephew was always about convenience.   To be fair, she would always make the time to see them once or twice whenever I would bring the kids to them; however, she never went out of her way to have a relationship with either one of them.

She’s also the one who begged him to leave me.  Yet, despite my apparent mistreatment of him, when he voluntarily committed himself, due in part to her talking him into it, she did not once come visit him.  No, she left that up to me- the evil wife.  Then again, she had just spent two weeks with her new father-in-law who was hospitalized.  Of course, he lives in a state she likes to visit and they always have lots of fun things planned for her.  Lots of Facebook and Instagram picture opportunities to show off her wonderful new life!  Plus, her new husband’s family hasn’t caught on to her yet so they still think she’s fabulous.

If you look closely enough you’ll soon realize that everything she puts out for the world to see is about how much she is loved, what wonderful things other people are doing for her, what delightful goodies have been purchased for her.  My mom pointed this out to me once.  She said:  I see an awful lot about what her new husband is doing for her, but I never see anything about what she’s done for him.  ’Tis true.  There is an awful lot about how this person did this for her and this person did that. To be fair though she did post about surprising her new fiancé with a helicopter tour for his birthday.  That this came right after the delivery of our $5 Christmas gifts, along with the explanation that she’s a poor, struggling single mom, was simple misfortune.

Oh, but this is all about what a freak show they are, right?  How’s this- Jezebel loves to sing.  She is a Christian singer.  Of course.  Years ago she didn’t just sing in church. She used to sing at weddings, at other churches, and in a group; she even recorded several albums/CDs.  At one point, probably when she was starting out, she had a high school student who would play piano for her when she went off to sing.  This kid had a crush on her.  He ended up asking her to prom and she accepted.  What’s so strange about that?  Well, for starters she was married.  There was also the fact that she was in her 20s.  I’m surprised she didn’t try to get her name put in for Prom Queen.  I know when I was 22 and freshly graduated from college my biggest wish in life was to go to prom with a high school senior.  Wasn’t it yours?  The only thing that could possibly make it any dreamier would be if my husband helped me to pick out my prom dress and then sat alone at home, lovingly waiting for my return.  From my date.  To the prom.  With a teenage boy.  Who is not my husband.  Just an FYI in case anyone wants to get all technical and legal here:  I do not know if her husband did indeed help her pick out her prom dress.  I don’t even know if he was sitting at home waiting for her to return.  Hell, come to think of it I’m not even sure why he allowed it!  I’m not one for asking permission to do things, even from my husband; however, I think putting your foot down and sternly telling your wife that you do not approve of her going out on a date, even if it is to prom and is undoubtedly the teenage boy’s biggest night of his life what with scoring a date with another man’s wife and all, is acceptable in this case.  I can definitely get behind someone drawing a line in the sand for that one.  The funny thing is when this story was recounted by my MIL to my mom she was the one to say, “WTF?”  She asked my MIL point blank, “Wasn’t she embarrassed to be going to prom with a teenager at her age?”  My MIL looked at her and was suddenly all, “Yes.  Yes, she was.”  No, no she wasn’t.  She was in her glory.  I’m sure all attention was on her, just the way she likes it.

Later in life when she was the lead Praise & Worship singer she ended up beginning an affair with the pastor.  Once upon a time she swore it was only an emotional affair.  Who knows if that is true.  What I do know, according to STBX-MIL, is that they opened a freaking bank account together!  He took up a collection *at church* to help pay for her divorce.  He bought her a washing machine and dryer.  He went to a couple that had left the church when this came to light and he denied the affair, told them it was wrong to judge her, and ultimately ended up guilting them into coming back to the church.  They felt so guilty they apologized for believing the rumors and judging her, and actually gave her money for her vacation!  She, of course, took it and then spent her vacation communicating with the good pastor.  They didn’t have Facebook or Skype back then and texting wasn’t common, but they communicated through whatever means were popular at the time.   She herself preferred bringing up the rumor and then denying it.  It was a sweet little gig.  She would say:  I know you’ve probably heard I’m boning our pastor but I want you to know it’s not true!  She was also very offended at the idea that she should step down as one of the youth group leaders- something she did with her betrayed husband.

Here’s something interesting.  Jezebel believed people who gossiped about this were jealous of her because she had the courage to leave her husband and find someone who made her happy.  As she told me once, “I’d rather have 20 great years with Husband #2, than 50 so so years with Original Husband.”  Oh, did I mention he was 20 years older than her?  That’s why she was only giving their marriage 20 years.  He was the same age as her mother.  I remember hearing her friends gush about how they had never seen her happier, and at the wedding they talked about their champagne flutes that were engraved “MVBF”- My Very Best Friend.  Isn’t that so romantic?  True love, folks.  Who cares if you have to step over a few people to achieve your bliss?  She broke the heart of her husband of 13 years.  She also had two young children at the time and wasn’t afraid to throw their lives into turmoil.  He threw away a 20 or 25 year marriage and a rather large church.  Membership was somewhere between 800 and 1000 people.  It was thriving.  The church membership paid all of his bills- mortgage, cell phone, utilities, car, insurance. In addition to all that he received an actual salary.  They sent him and his wife away on vacation every year.  They were building an addition on to their church.  I’m sure Jezebel thought she was going to waltz right in and simply take over where the former wife left off.  Didn’t work out that way, though.  People are funny like that sometimes.  They don’t appreciate their pastor getting it on with the praise and worship leader while telling them trick-or-treating on Halloween and watching Disney movies with magic in them is a sin.   He ended up losing it all, which meant Jezebel didn’t walk into the life of luxury she thought this man could provide for her.  Their bills were not all paid by the church; they weren’t being sent away on vacation every year.  They didn’t receive gifts and accolades from all the adoring members of the congregation.  For years they struggled financially, even losing their house.  Finally, a few years before the end, he got a great paying job.  Unfortunately, it took him on the road a lot and that meant he could no longer iron her clothes or cut up her food for her or spend hours a day gazing at her and telling her how beautiful and wonderful she was.  He didn’t feel like running around all weekend long after being gone all week, and he was no longer entertaining her and making life fun every moment.  In short, she just wasn’t happy.

Approximately ten years after the wedding Jezebel begins an affair with another man.  Hey- at least this time her affair partner wasn’t married!  Give her a little credit.  She carries on this affair for almost a year before asking for a divorce.  I got to sit and listen to her talk for hours about how she wasn’t cheating on her husband but he was so jealous and had accused her of infidelity and would check up on her, how she didn’t think she’d ever get married again; she was so excited to be living on her own because she’d never done that before.  Turns out the night before when she and my husband went out to dinner alone (yes, I was excluded so they could have their precious brother/sister time) they met up with her new husband-to-be so she could introduce them.  Yes, she was offended because her husband was jealous and suspicious.  It’s kind of like the cashier who’s stealing from the register being butt hurt because you installed surveillance cameras above the register.  How dare you accuse me of stealing?!?!

What’s that you say, Sam?  You were left at home with the mother-in-law and kids while your husband and his sister went out to dinner together for some special “brother/sister bonding”?  Why, yes, I was!  Seems that approximately a year prior to this Jezebel was telling her brother all about her affair, swearing him to secrecy.  After all, if your brother is telling you what a disaster his marriage is the best thing you can do is ask him to keep secrets from his wife while you tell him all about your affair with this new man. The affair and new man that are both making you so happy and gosh darn it, you deserve some happiness.  They went out to dinner, supposedly just the two of them, to talk about all sorts of things that were on poor Jezebel’s mind.  Turns out she wanted his opinion on Farmer John.  Somehow this was supposed to make me feel better.  “Oh, she wasn’t excluding you; she just wanted my opinion on what type of guy he was and if he was playing her,” he explained later when this finally came to light.  What type of guy he is?  He’s the type of guy that will fuck another man’s wife!  That’s what kind of guy he is!  But, you know, since Jezebel is perfectly willing to fuck another guy while she’s married to her first affair partner, that probably isn’t something she cares about!  That probably should have been a big clue for me- when your husband says the guy that is cheating with his sister seems like a decent guy.  No, he’s really not.  If you’re willing to fuck another man’s wife you have a serious character flaw.  I also loved how he couldn’t possibly give an honest opinion on what this guy was like if *I* was around.  Seriously?  Are you going to be so distracted by my fabulous rack that you can’t possibly assess his character deficiencies?  Is my beauty so stunning that it will block any telepathic messages you might receive about this guy?  Am I simply so mesmerizing that you can’t have a simple conversation with the guy and give an honest assessment of him to your cheating sister if I’m there?  Or, do you know this is all wrong and I’m the only person in your life with a moral compass?  Oh, I think we’ve got a winner!

But the best part was hearing how she was crazy about this man.  He was everything she wanted and she loved her new life- the hunting, the farm life, the four wheeling, the two new kids.  He was her best friend and the love of her life; he was spectacular and did everything he could to make her happy.  Look- he built me a fire pit!  Look- he bought me a car!  Look at my stupid wedding in a fucking barn because I’m just a simple country girl!  Her friends once again gushed about how happy she looked and how they had never seen her happier.  Eerie, isn’t it?  Almost the exact same story word for word as when she was leaving the original husband for Husband #2.  Including the part where she told Husband #2:  I know you think I’m having an affair but I’m not!

In a sad twist of irony The Original Husband died.  Personally, from the things Jezebel said when she was lying to me about her impending divorce from Husband #2, I believe she was already involved with Husband #3 and The Original Husband’s death allowed her to get out of her marriage to Husband #2. I think she didn’t want him to know she had made a mistake and didn’t want him to witness her second divorce. That might be humiliating.  It also gave her a great excuse to distance herself from Husband #2 because he didn’t understand her grieving.  Yes, if you weren’t aware of what had happened you would think Jezebel was the grieving widow. She was at the funeral home, in the receiving line even, I believe, the entire time. Someone told me she insisted on sitting up front with the family during his funeral. And I know for a fact that she had the audacity to yell at his actual widow because Jezebel didn’t think she was showing enough emotion. How’s that for lady balls? You cheat on your husband, leave him for your pastor  (who acted as a marriage counselor for the two of you!), and when he dies you take over the role of the widow and reprimand his wife for not loving him enough! Oy. And vey!

And in case you’re wondering about the pastor he was wise to his cheating wife’s ways.  I think he could see the writing on the wall. Afterall, he had been the other man when she was cheating on her first husband. He was remarried within a month or two after their divorce.  Jezebel was pissed.  Come to think of it, her first husband also remarried before she did.  Of course, since she was marrying her married lover that divorce took a little longer so they weren’t able to get married as quickly as they had hoped.

The good news is I think this guy actually has money, or at least his family does.  She’s married for money twice before and the joke ended up being on her both times- she didn’t live the life of luxury she thought she was going to lead.  I think this time she actually got it right.  If not, she’ll be changing from Rambo Barbie into someone else in about 6-8 years.  Her marriages usually last somewhere between 10-13 years.  Good luck, Farmer John!

 

A New Medical Breakthrough- Personality Transplants!

Logically, I know such a thing does not exist.  It is so tempting though to try to convince myself that surely there was something I could have done differently.  Or, maybe he is correct when he says (most frequently to my kids!) that we didn’t have a happy marriage, we had grown apart (once we had kids, of course), and my favorite, we just aren’t good together.  I will admit that some days I think that maybe he’s a different person with her.  Afterall, it was like pulling teeth to get him to even do anything FUN with us most of the time.  He had too many “issues” to go out to dinner with his own kids on their birthdays, but he can go out to dinner with no problem with his fake family.  He can spend Christmas Eve trolling the mall, spending hundreds of dollars on kids that aren’t his, but he couldn’t be bothered to personally hand his own kids the gift cards he bought them (he left them on the counter with a note) or to text/call them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

I think back to how he told his sister that Harley made him happy.  I’ve spent two years stewing over that, asking myself why I couldn’t make him happy despite everything I did for him.  Some days I am almost able to convince myself that he is correct and that we were just bad for each other and he now has a chance to be happy.  Harley obviously has something that I don’t; she’s his ticket to happiness and I need to face facts that they are a better match.

Then I throw my head back, let out a loud guttural laugh, probably snort a few times, and say, “Wake the fuck up!  There is no such thing as a personality transplant.  He’s the same miserable person he’s always been and always will be.”  That’s the short pep talk.  The longer one goes into how he’s traded me in for a much cheaper model with a hell of a lot of more miles on her. That he found and bought her at the impound auction.  That she’s already fooled around with other men while telling him he’s her one and only Schmoopie Bear, and that she will continue to do so.  That her kids trash talk him behind his back.  It’s a very long talk but it makes me feel better.

Here’s the thing:  I don’t really believe a leopard will change its spots.  I think a person can bring out the worst in you (or the best, to be fair), but I also believe that you are who you are.  I may have lost a lot of who I was in my marriage while trying so hard to please him and keep everything together, but I was still me.  I am basically a happy, outgoing person.  I tend to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. And if that half full/half empty glass is filled with vodka all the better.  I try to make the best of any situation I am in; I get involved and try to make friends.  Sure, in new situations I tend to hang back and assess the scene.  I am often leading the charge, but I’m also perfectly happy hanging back and let others take over.  I try to see the best in people- except CF and Harley- they’re lost causes.  At the root of it I am a happy person.  I’ve heard it said once that there are people who could be happy with their lives even while living in Cleveland and there are those who wouldn’t be happy even if they lived in Hawaii (feel free to insert wonderful destination of your choice if Hawaii doesn’t do it for you).  I’m happy in Cleveland.  CF is miserable in Hawaii.

Who he was with me is who he’s going to be with her.  Oh sure, right now everything is great (except for her sleeping with her husband- allegedly).  Add to that the fact that he’s a part time soul mate.  I’m sure the drive is getting to be tiresome but hey, he doesn’t have to worry about helping her out with her kids’ homework, or getting them ready for bed, or shuffling them around.  He isn’t expected to help out with laundry or the dishes, and if he does it’s a novelty and not something he HAS to do on a regular basis.  I’m sure there is still an element of them against me even though I don’t speak to him.  And let’s face it, it’s so exciting when you only see a person for 2 or 3 days out of the week.  You can pour all of your energy into that person and it doesn’t get tiring at all because you get a FUCKING 5 DAY BREAK FROM HIS CRAZY!!!

If it ever does get to the point where he moves in with her and her brood he will be the same killer of joy, the same soul sucking vampire, the same neurotic mess, the same unimaginative couch potato with her that he was with me.  He will eventually revert back to ordering kids out of “his” chair, or “his” spot on the couch.  He will eventually revert back to shutting himself in the bedroom and watching tv nonstop.  He will eventually no longer find the chaos of four kids charming. He’s not a different person.  He hasn’t suddenly evolved into Mr. Personality because he’s finally found the love of a good woman.  Oh my God, I think I choked on that phrase!  Let me change it slightly.  He hasn’t suddenly evolved into Mr. Personality because he’s finally found the love of a gold digging whore.  Hmmmm…. can gold digging whores love anyone?

When he gets bad news he will end up lying catatonic on a bed, unable to move and forcing her to take charge and make it all better.  When some small snafu hits he will still end up in a tizzy that rivals one of a teenage girl. When he gets sick he will act like he is dying and expect her to drop everything and tend to his every need as proof she loves him.  He will never be a full partner or a good dad.  He will continue to turn mole hills into mountains and he will continue to see himself as the Great Victim.  He might possibly move away from his children and get a new job because he’s so unhappy at this one, but he’s going to end up hating his new job just as much.  Why?  Because when you get down to it he is not a happy person.  He loves being miserable.  He doesn’t know what to do if he is happy.  His semen demon does not have special powers to turn him into someone he’s not.

I think it’s very important for anyone who is dealing with infidelity to tell yourself this and to let it sink in.  Believe it!  It’s true.

But they look so happy on Facebook, you may be saying.  WHO CARES?  Facebook is generally a big fat lie.  I can assure you that no one reading my Facebook page would have had any idea of what was going on in my life.  Hell, I don’t think most people reading my Facebook page NOW have any idea what’s going on, unless I’ve already shared with them.  This sums it up in absolutely the best way:  When you compare your life to a person’s Facebook page you are comparing your behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel.

OF COURSE the cheater and the whore are going to be all gushy and gooey and lovey dovey on Facebook.  I have had it pointed out that in the cheater’s mind it *must* be true in order for them to justify all the destruction they’ve caused.  Who wants to publicly announce they’ve made a huge mistake in tossing aside their wife and kids (or husband and kids for those males who have been cheated on) for some side piece that was a definite downgrade? They are giving you the highlight reel! That’s why Harley might post something like this:  Look at all the fantastic gifts Schmoopie Bear gave me!  How did he know to buy me a vibrator to keep me “happy” during the week so I wouldn’t continue to screw around with other men???  I am so blessed, so happy!  I couldn’t ask for anything more.

What you will never see though is:  How in the hell did his wife put up with his shit for twenty plus years????  I ask him to take one kid to soccer practice and you’d think I had asked him to donate his live, beating heart for a transplant!  Where is my husband when I need him????

Or:  I work full time, too!  Why am I the one stuck doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and laundry?  I feel like I’ve got five kids and not four.  Maybe it’s not too late to get my husband back….

Oh this is fun!  Here’s another one:  I thought I had met my Prince Charming.  Well, since he’s my cousin I actually had met him years ago.  But I thought once I lured him away from his wife he would be MY Prince Charming finally.  He cooked, he cleaned, he bought us lots of shiny stuff, he made pancakes for my kids, he was always up for fun outings.  Now that we’re living together he just sits in the bedroom and watches TV.  He doesn’t want to go anywhere, just wants to sit around and drink.  And since he has to pay child support and spousal support he can’t buy us stuff all the time!  I’m stuck doing EVERYTHING.  He can’t even run to McDonald’s and pick up a couple of orders of pancakes for my kids now.  Boy, did I get fooled!

Similarly, CF will never acknowledge the fact that he chose a woman who is already unfaithful to him while I remained faithful for over 21 years. Or that he chose a woman and children who value him for his wallet and nothing more while he tossed away the woman who spent years following him around the country and helping him to build his career, and the children that loved him and wanted his TIME and ATTENTION.

How do I know all of this?  First, I’m really smart.  Second, I read a lot.  Third, I’ve seen it play out already in his family.  But I’ll save that story for another time.  Suffice to say, though, that the exact same things that were said about Husband #2 in order to justify dumping Husband #1, were then said almost verbatim about Husband #3 in order to justify dumping Husband #2.

There was no personality transplant.  Not for her, and not for him.  There was just a cheater’s handbook, and they all play the same game.