Patience While Riding a Roller Coaster

Whew! Do I have a story to tell you all. Sit down, buckle up, and maybe pour a stiff drink (or not so stiff) before we begin because this is a long one.

When I last left you I was playing a waiting game. Nothing was progressing. They’d seemed all gung ho to get this over and done with; Jerry Lee’s lawyer was constantly playing “Let’s Make a Deal” with no actual deal offered. Then- radio silence.

Monday afternoon, around 3:30 or 4:00 I got an email from my attorney’s legal assistant. She was asking for my pay information going back to July of 2018, which would have been the month after Rock Star graduated. What’s that you say? I lost it! It was one of those moments where I wish I had been wearing a mask at work because I was muttering under my breath left and right. Motherfucker!

Here my lawyer had not balked one bit at calculating arrears at the full amount of the court order. Now all of a sudden I’m being asked to submit every single one of my pay raises, you know the big fifty cent ones, back to July 2018. Now it seemed that perhaps they were only going to go after the difference between what he should have been paying and what he actually paid. Really?

Of course my phone was almost dead so I couldn’t return the phone call. I had to wait until after work and until I walked to my car so I could plug my phone back in and begin to charge it. To say I was on edge for the next 60 minutes was an understatement.

Once I talked to her legal assistant (let’s call her Sally) she quickly put my fears to rest- mostly. She said according to the law Jerry Lee should have to pay the $902.90 difference but the judge did have discretion in this case. She wanted to be prepared with all of the numbers in case he decided to do it that way. She didn’t want him to have to continue the case and have me have to drive back. She did say that more than likely that’s the way he would rule (for the entire amount, not the difference) but better safe than sorry.

I also got an email from my attorney (let’s call her Jane) letting me know that Jerry Lee was claiming poverty- only $2000 to his name. Funny, because according to his bank records he (they) just rented a vacation home for $1800… His best offer was to continue paying child support after Picasso graduated from high school. She also told me he was going to claim inability to pay seeing as how I take over 50% of his take home pay. He has no way to pay towards the arrears or towards the lawyer’s fees. I’m going to refer you to the sentence above.

He’s got money to pay for an expensive vacation rental. He’s got money to rent another amazing house. Oh yeah, we found that, too. At one point I thought he might have actually cashed in his 401k to put a down payment on it but I believe he’s still renting. They’ve got $900 to blow at Better Homes & Gardens. They got a stimulus check; yeah, he wasn’t making nearly as much as I thought he was at the second job. If you deduct the spousal support he paid he’s under the threshold needed to get a check. He gets a tax refund each year. In other words, he has money he could pay towards his arrears and legal fees, but he chooses not to. It’s more important for Harley the Hillbilly Whore to live in a better home than she’s ever lived in in her life and for them to go on vacation than it is for him to fulfill his obligations.

Essentially, we went from me getting a lump sum, plus an additional $500 and him continuing to pay that amount until all arrears and fees are paid, to him being willing to continue to pay child support after Picasso graduated- which the courts would make him do anyway. I let her know I was not feeling charitable and listed all the different means from which he should be able to pay, or could have been paying more towards all of this- his stimulus check, bonus checks, tax refund, 401k. I also reiterated that it seemed to me staying out of court benefitted him more than it did me.

I went to work on Tuesday a little dejected. Even though not going to court was more his benefit, I do get nervous about it. You never know what will happen. I was hoping we could reach a deal that I could control and stay out of court. Plus, I would be able to drive directly to the mobster instead of making a layover in Harrisonburg.

I left at noon on Tuesday. I got a phone message from Jane about 20 minutes before I was due to leave. I was pretty much finished with everything I needed to do so I returned the call immediately. She conferenced in Sally. Basically, Jerry Lee’s attorney was doing his best to reach a deal. The offer was now a lump sum of $2000 (all the money he has to his name), an additional $1000 a month towards arrears, and he would continue paying support after Picasso graduated (a given).

That’s nice but it’s not enough. I decided to go for it. I asked Jane if I could get it ordered for him to pay me through direct deposit from his company. I am done playing these games with him. I’m tired of never knowing when I’m going to get paid, how much he’s going to pay, if he’s going to pay… This way I would know exactly when to expect the money. I also wanted it put in there that the spousal support arrears are tax free for me. If he gets to pay me over a long period of time instead of coming up with a lump sum then he doesn’t get to deduct that from his taxes. Even better I don’t have to pay taxes on them. She balked a little on that one but I assured her it was definitely possible if he agreed. She said she’d put it in there.

Then she added in talk of interest on the arrears. I had completely forgotten about that.

Finally I mentioned when Picasso graduates next June. I told her I knew it was small potatoes compared to everything else but I wanted to know if we could put something in there about how to calculate that last month’s child support instead of going through him prorating the amount down to the half hour once again.

“Oh, we’re going to have him pay the entire amount for June.”

How you like that, Jerry Lee? Fuck me over and prorate support down to 8:30 the night your daughter graduates? Now you get to pay for the entire month of June when Picasso will actually graduate sometime between the 7th and the 11th.

She said she was going to email Jerry Lee’s attorney and try to get this done. I let her know that I had about 2 hours once I got on the road to make a decision as to which city I would be going to.

Problems ensued. The log I was supposed to send didn’t get delivered for some reason so I had to resend it while on the road. We still hadn’t heard back by the time I was supposed to exit to go to Fieldale so I continued on to Harrisonburg.

We stopped in Ohio to eat lunch. While we were eating I got a call from my attorney. He had agreed to everything! She was literally hanging up with the other attorney to take my call. His lawyer point blank told him he needed to sign or he was going to go to jail. My own attorney couldn’t believe it. As she said, “What an idiot!” I’m not sure if she was referring to Jerry Lee or to his lawyer. She said she would have never agreed to what we asked for.

I was breathing a sigh of relief. Thank God it was over! I couldn’t believe it either. I was almost giddy as the tension left my body. Onward to Fieldale- even though I was now about an hour, maybe an hour and a half, off track. We exited the toll road and headed towards the mobster. Sadly my victory celebration was short-lived.

Around 4:30 I happened to see another email from her. She was forwarding a message she had sent to his attorney. Apparently they were just now figuring out that the child support arrears were not being calculated at the difference between what he should have been paying and what he was paying, but the difference between the original amount ordered and what he had been paying. I thought it had been too good to be true. I was shocked that Jerry Lee wasn’t fighting me on that. His attorney was trying to argue that it wasn’t fair for him to have to pay support for Rock Star because she had aged out of support. Jane went on to point out to him that she had told him there was no Motion to Modify; that was why we were now modifying the child support. More importantly, I was agreeing to modify it now at the same time we were getting this crap done instead of making him file his own damn motion. She was much nicer about it, of course, but that was the gist of it.

I had just finished dictating a response to my mom when my attorney called me. She told me the lightbulb had finally gone off for them (maybe just Jerry Lee?) and he was balking at signing now. He claimed we had an agreement. I told her we had never had an agreement. She was able to pull up all of our correspondence and see that that was true. He refused to accept the numbers she threw out in early December. By January I had decided to go with the state because it was free.

The difference between the two amounts was approximately $20,000. She wanted to know what I wanted to do. Did I want to secure the deal by taking $20,000 less? When I balked at that she offered potentially splitting the difference as well.

I had pulled into a gas station so I could take the phone off of speaker. A million different thoughts were running through my head. I could take the deal. Screw myself and my kids out of $20,000. You all know I’ve been back and forth about whether or not I was truly entitled to that money. It should have been modified. At the same time, he dug his heels in and refused to do so, putting it instead on me. The pro to the deal is I would have the money directly deposited into my account. The $11,000 in spousal support arrears would be tax free. That would be huge. I could also give a little and split the difference. Same pros, same cons. I took a deep breath and told her I wanted to go to court.

Fuck that! I’ve already made enough concessions. I was supposed to have $25,000 by the end of 2018. He never paid and he made it very clear he had no intentions of doing so. His email response to my request was a blunt, “I don’t have it.” Period. No offer to work with me. Not to mention he didn’t even bother to sign his damn name. If I went to court the judge would more than likely order at least 25% of the arrears. Even though my attorney pointed out that they would only calculate the actual arrears and not the legal fees, he would still be ordered to pay a minimum of more than $4000. He was offering up $2000. I had been as gracious as I was going to be. I knew that if I went to court I would lose the tax free spousal support. I knew there was a possibility he wouldn’t bother with ordering Jerry Lee to pay me via direct deposit because, as Jane always pointed out, a Georgia company doesn’t need to follow a Virginia judge’s orders. I had given as much as I was going to give. I might lose some things I wanted by going to court, but I wasn’t going to face an ass chewing either- or potential jail time.

She told me she was going to call his attorney and tell him we would see him in court. I wasn’t going to budge. She would call me back after she had talked to opposing counsel; in the meantime, I should set my GPS to Harrisonburg. I love a change of plans; don’t you?

I had the directions to Harrisonburg on my phone while my mom had the directions to Fieldale on hers. I was still hoping his attorney could talk some sense into him. At the moment the course we were on could take us to either Harrisonburg or Fieldale, but at some point that path would diverge and I would be forced to take one path or the other. Onward we drove.

6:00 I get another call from Jane. She had been talking to his attorney. She had forwarded him all the documentation proving that we never had an agreement about child support modification. She point blank told him she was going to show he had money to pay towards arrears. She was going to ask for jail time. She wouldn’t be offering to modify child support at this hearing; he would have to make a separate motion. The legal fees she had computed would also be going up. After her phone call to him she said he had told her he would be telling Jerry Lee to sign the papers or risk going to jail. Apparently his attorney knew this was not looking good for Jerry Lee. She told me she would call back and let me know if he followed his attorney’s advice but she was confident he would agree.

At 6:45 I get another phone call from her. He was refusing to sign; he was going to fight it. His attorney told him if he wasn’t going to sign then he needed to get in his car and get up to Virginia. He had to be at the hearing. No excuses this time. Damn! Even my lawyer sounded dejected.

I have to say I was pretty calm considering I had gone from an incredible high of getting pretty much what I wanted, down to a low of thinking there was no deal, back up when it looked like he was being advised to sign, and now once again being told I was going to have to appear in court.

As I told Jane I still remember going to court and having the judge modify spousal support back to June when Jerry Lee didn’t make an effort to modify it until November. I knew it wasn’t a sure thing. I knew there was a possibility that child support modifications could be scaled back by $20,000. I wasn’t going to get tax free spousal support arrears. I probably wouldn’t get my money via direct deposit.

As I drove on I practiced what I was going to say if his attorney asked me about my efforts to get child support modified. I was terrified the judge would say I knew it needed to be modified and I had somehow agreed to take on that task by starting the process. I was dreading being interrogated on the stand once again, although Jane had told me all I would be doing is going over my support log and answering the question, “Did you want legal fees from today’s proceedings?” Sounds simple enough but it was terrifying nonetheless. I told myself to buck up. I’m a goddamn warrior. If I was going down I was going down fighting. I would drag that sonofabitch through the mud. I hoped that at least I would get to witness the judge throwing the book at him. I wanted jail time!

Meanwhile, because of all the twists and turns during our trip the drive to Harrisonburg took an additional hour, at least. Plus I was driving state highways instead of toll roads and interstates. Why is that important? It’s important because instead of driving to the hotel from a nicely lit, straight interstate I was driving around a dark mountain from approximately 11 pm until 12:30 am. I am going to lobby to have mountains and countryside roads well lit! We counted at least 6 deer grazing along the side of the road, with one of them deciding to run across the road in front of me. Delightful! We finally checked into the hotel at 1 am. I made notes for court until 1:30 and then set my alarm for 6 am so I could get up and run 3 miles.

I didn’t run after a mere four and a half hours of sleep because I’m an exercise fanatic. I ran because I needed to alleviate my stress. Get it all out! I sweated for a good 50 minutes before heading back to the room to shower and get ready.

My mom and I arrived at the courthouse about 8:40. Court was at nine. We were sitting on the bench waiting for Jane. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I dreaded seeing Jerry Lee. I didn’t think he’d bring Harley along. He’d waited long enough that I didn’t think she could reasonably accompany him if she had a job. Plus, even if she could have got the day off she probably didn’t have childcare for her youngest. He’s probably around 12 now but I still wouldn’t leave him home alone while I traveled 8 hours away. Then again…

We finally saw Jane coming towards us. She said she saw Jerry Lee’s lawyer enter the courthouse but she hadn’t seen Jerry Lee. We went on in and headed to our courtroom.

Inside the courtroom sat Jerry Lee’s lawyer. No Jerry Lee in sight. Maybe he was meeting him there.

He looks at Jane and says something about the signed Consent Order. She looks at him and says, “What?”

“I told you last night we had a deal.”

Uh, no. No you didn’t. She told him she must have misunderstood because she had been working on exhibits for court from 8-10 last night because he had told her Jerry Lee wouldn’t sign.

I’m a bit fuzzy on the details but I do know he mentioned something about Jerry Lee turning around and heading back to Georgia. It sounds like Jerry Lee was planning on fighting it but then decided it wasn’t worth it, or the pain that the judge was going to bring down on him wasn’t going to be worth the $20,000 he was going to save.

My lawyer apologized profusely and told me she didn’t charge me for the time she spent working on the exhibits. Hopefully that would offset the amount of money I had to pay for the hotel room.

By 9:45 we were out of there. The judge went over all the details of the Consent Order and made sure Jerry Lee was not claiming inability to pay. He did remember him from our trial almost 3 years ago. The case remains on the docket to follow up and make sure Jerry Lee is complying with the order.

Oh, and while I was reading the order I asked Jane if we were beginning the new amount next month or this month because the order said July 2020. She realized that was a typo and should be July of 2021. At that point she whispered, “I wish you lived closer. I would hire you in a heartbeat and I would pay you a lot better than what the bank is paying you.”

That’s my story. I WON! AGAIN! I didn’t cave. I’m so happy I didn’t take the reduced offer. Hell, I’m glad I didn’t take the “split the difference” offer. I don’t know and I don’t care what his thinking was. Maybe he figured he could bluff me and I would eventually back down and go the easy, surefire route. That might have worked if I had just as much to lose as he did. But I didn’t. I was willing to go to court and let the judge decide, even if it meant I didn’t get everything I wanted. I kept reminding myself that not going to court benefited him, not me. I was already being more than flexible. I was willing to let him pay me back $60,000+ over a period of years instead of having the judge order to him to pay me immediately, or at least a much greater chunk immediately. If he couldn’t see the allowances I was willing to make, well, he could try his luck with the judge. No. More. Concessions.

Now I get the entire $23,000+ in back child support plus interest. I get tax free spousal support arrears. I get an additional $1000 per month for the next 3+ years. True, it’s all going into savings, but I get it. Best of all he can no longer mess with me. I get that money directly deposited into my account every time he gets paid. No more nasty messages. No more obscene emojis. No more not knowing when or how much he’ll pay.

Oh, and I forgot. There is a suspended jail sentence in the order which means if he fucks up and decides to play games again he goes to jail. Jane told me to text him my account information and if he gave me any attitude to let her know. She also said that all the arrears were calculated through this month so I won’t receive any spousal support but I will receive the $2000 lump sum he’s supposed to pay. That’s okay. I have money set aside and it will only end up being an $800 difference. She told me to let her know if he doesn’t get it set up because she will haul him back to court.

I’m also very glad I advocated for myself and asked for the things I wanted, like the direct deposit and the tax free spousal support. I stood strong. I refused to take less than my kids and I deserved. I put my big girl panties on and I marched forward even when my heart was pounding out of my chest. It wasn’t fast.  It took a lot of patience and a lot of determination. God knows I have dealt with roadblock after roadblock.

This saga began back in June of 2018. He refused to modify support and refused to pay any more towards Picasso. Then he refused the numbers my attorney gave him, being an ass about it all the way. I’ve been trying to garnish him since January of 2019. What was supposed to take four-six months took over a year and then just dead-ended when he moved out of Mississippi to Georgia. I never heard from my caseworker after I last emailed her in March. Jane took over a year to get through all of her pending divorce cases and finally work on my contempt case. But dammit, I just kept pushing on; I saw it through. I didn’t quit. I never gave up. The asshole tax is real and Jerry Lee will be paying it for at least three years.

I didn’t get the life insurance clause added in there like I wanted. I didn’t get as big of a lump sum as I wanted. We also didn’t bring up him needing to pay me bonuses and tax refunds to reduce his arrears and fees sooner. I’m sure he has the ability to pay; he just doesn’t want to. According to their bank records they bring home over $14,000 a month. That’s more than when we were together and he was the only one working. Even with the $4000+ he’ll be paying out for the next 3 years he’s got as much income coming into the house as he did when we were together. I’d say they’re doing quite well for themselves. I don’t feel a bit sorry for him. I’m sure he’ll spin it to whoever will listen that I’m a greedy, gold digging, vindictive bitch that has poisoned his kids against him and tries to take every dime from him. I’m sure it’s all my fault that he owes this because I lied and told him I’d take care of it for him. Guess what? I don’t give a fuck. Go be happy with your whore. Leave me alone and make sure that direct deposit is set up.

This saga is over finally! Thank God! I’m going to say it again: I WON!

Now We Play the Waiting Game

Things were moving fast earlier this week. Jerry Lee was getting pay stubs to me, or rather to my attorney. I was submitting my information. My attorney told his attorney that I wanted a suspended jail sentence put into our agreement…

Now everything has stopped. I’m not sure what’s taking so long. It’s pretty damn simple. He agrees to pay $X amount of money in a lump sum. We modify child support according to my new pay rate and new insurance premiums. He pays that and an additional $500 per month to start bringing his arrears current. He agrees to use any bonuses and tax refunds to pay chunks of his debt off. He understands that my new legal fees are being tacked on to his “bill” and that failure to pay in a timely manner will yield a jail sentence. Additionally, I’d like for it to be ordered that he set up direct deposit so that I am paid when he is paid. It’s not difficult.

I emailed her Friday and asked her what was going on. I also told her that seeing as how court was scheduled for Wednesday and I was leaving Tuesday afternoon if he and his attorney wanted to wait until Tuesday to send me an offer it was going to be too late. This is ridiculous. Maybe my attorney is waiting to see what the all of the requested information tells her.

Speaking of the requested documents… Perhaps you remember the infamous job loss of 2019 which led to the equally infamous spousal support modification of 2019, which lasted until a few months ago when he realized I was planning on taking his ass back to court. Here’s a refresher for those of you who may be new to this sage.

Back on March 7th, 2019 I texted him to remind him that he still owed the second half of his spousal support for February. I asked him if he had a plan for catching up. His response was that he was busy searching for another job because his position had been eliminated. A few weeks later I emailed him to tell him he needed to send me something; although I didn’t say this directly to him I was not going to have a repeat of 2016-2017 where he paid no support for 10 months. I told him that if he had indeed been laid off that he should be receiving unemployment and a severance package. Much to my surprise he actually sent his self-modified child support that month. No spousal support but the child support definitely helped. In April he began sending spousal support again but he was paying me $700 a month less than what he was court ordered to pay. At the time I didn’t realize he had a job so I was thankful for any little bit he sent my way.

Now to present day. It turns out he was not lying about his position being eliminated. I think that’s a first! The not lying part, not his position being eliminated. His last day was two days before I texted him. Here’s where it gets interesting. He couldn’t pay the other half of his February spousal support because he was being downsized and yet he was paid the entire month of March (and February, as well). His last regular check in March was almost $2000 less but he got paid the entire month of March. So in March, when he sent nothing for spousal support, he was still getting paid. And in April when he decided to modify spousal support on his own? He already had his new job AND he was getting paid his entire paycheck from his previous company.

That’s right. He did indeed get severance pay. It wasn’t long- 6 weeks apparently- but he got it. And he chose to fuck with me instead of doing the right thing. He’s taking in almost an additional $8000 per month and he can’t catch up on spousal support. Hell, he couldn’t manage to pay what the judge ordered him to pay and instead shorted me $700 a month. He also couldn’t manage to begin paying the legal fees he was ordered to pay and for which he had an entire year to come up with the funds.

The income information from his last job and his bank records should prove interesting. I’m waiting to see what kind of a tax refund he got and why it never crossed his mind to use some of that to catch up on his obligations. We’ll see if he got two big moving paychecks as well, and what he did with all of that. Maybe there were bonuses. At the first company, the one that has already forwarded his records, he got small bonuses- like $2000. I wouldn’t sneeze at a $2000 bonus but I don’t make shit. This man, however, used to bring home a bonus check of over $30,000. Hell, I can’t remember the last time since he first started getting bonuses where he took home less than $10,000. Now he’s at $2000? Must be disappointing.

Meanwhile, I wait. That seems to be all I do.

The Beat Goes On

Happy Independence Day! I think I may almost be free of Jerry Lee’s stupidity. Here’s an update for anyone interested.

I did write my lawyer back and informed her that Picasso had not graduated from high school yet. I asked, “Doesn’t he have to pay until Picasso graduates from high school?” Yes. He’s going to have to wait to prorate child support down to the half hour until next June.

She wrote me back and let me know, to no surprise of my own, that what his lawyer was offering up was something that would happen anyway. In Virginia if your child has been emancipated and you still owe arrears you continue to pay those arrears in the form of your previously ordered child support. So whether he offered to do so or not, he would be ordered to continue paying child support until the arrears were paid off.

She told me that if we went to court he would probably be ordered to pay at least 25% towards his arrears in order to stay out of contempt. Why that would be acceptable is beyond me. He was given a year to pay the attorney’s fees; he was reminded at the one year point and his response was, “I don’t have it.” That was it. No, “Can we work together to come up with a plan?”. No offer to pay extra to meet that obligation. Certainly didn’t think to pay me a chunk from a bonus if he got one, a tax refund, or a stimulus check. Now it’s going on two years since it was due and the courts will only require him to pay 25%? Hard to believe, but that’s the information I’m being given.

With that in mind my attorney suggested we work towards getting a lump sum paid towards spousal support and then tacking on an additional $500 to his current obligation. Plus, he will continue paying child support and the extra $500 until he has caught up. By my calculations even if he begins paying the extra $500 in August it will still take him over two years to pay his arrears.

I let her know my problem with this is that Jerry Lee doesn’t follow court orders very well. I think that’s being generous. I told her I would prefer to see what he’s actually making and if there are any bonuses. I wanted to know if it could be written that he would turn over any bonuses and tax refunds to get his arrears paid off more quickly. I really do not like the idea of him having more than two years to play games with me.

Yes, the extra money would be nice but it’s not really extra money. That $25,000 was supposed to go towards paying off my remaining bills and going into a savings account to go towards taxes and possibly a house of my own. The $10,000+ he owes in spousal support will need to be set aside as well for taxes. And the child support? Well, that is extra money. It’s money I can use to help Rock Star while she’s in college. It’s money I can use to help Picasso buy a car once he gets his license. It’s money for Christmas gifts. It’s money for savings. It just seems to be easier when you collect it in one lump sum to put it away and do with it what you should. Getting an extra $500 a month requires discipline. Not that I don’t have it, of course. But, it’s also a matter of things taking longer as well.

Anyway, this is the best part. My attorney let his attorney know that Picasso was still in high school so his client would still be paying child support for him. At this news the opposing counsel  asked if it would still be possible to work out a deal and have his client continue paying support after his obligation would have ended. He asked about his client coming up with either a lump sum or a little extra each month for the next year and then putting the plan into place. So my attorney writes back and lets him know that currently his client owes me in excess of $50,000 and that’s BEFORE attorney’s fees related to this latest show-cause hearing. She even put before in capital letters. She gave him a proposal and told him that she did not think the judge was going to be happy with Jerry Lee seeing as how not only has he made no attempts to pay the original $25,000 he was ordered to pay, but also he has accrued more arrears.

For those keeping count, this would be the THIRD time he’s behind in support. He’s a goddamn West Point military graduate. They pound honor and duty into their heads the entire four years they’re there. Yet he regularly puts his cousin and her children, also his cousins, ahead of his own children and neglects to pay his support obligations in a timely manner.

She went on to tell him she thought that a negotiated settlement would be much better for him than facing the judge. As Bill Murray said in “Stripes”, “That’s a fact, Jack!”

Finally, she mentioned Jerry Lee potentially paying off larger chunks of his obligation with any bonuses he may receive, and suggested we exchange income information so that we can finally modify child support. Of course, Jerry Lee will be paying for this because he’s paying the legal fees for this latest go-round.

We’ll see if he takes the offer. Really I think I should have hit him harder but my lawyer jumped the gun a bit. I should have gone ahead and told her my proposal was that he pay the $25,000 in a lump sum. I would allow him to pay the back child support in regular payments after Picasso graduates. As for the spousal support he could either pay me in one lump sum, or he could pay me in payments with the caveat that if he chooses the payment plan, he will take the hit on the taxes, not me.

That would have been a much better plan, although I don’t know if he has $25,000 sitting around. Probably not because Harley likes to spend it as soon as he makes it. I try to be prudent instead of vengeful. I could demand the full payment but if even the courts wouldn’t make him pay it all in one lump sum I don’t know what good it would do. I’m just trying to get this done with the least amount of anxiety and money as possible. Of course, I’ll also be asking about some sort of clause we can put in there that says if he defaults on this for any reason something horrible happens to him- whether that’s we automatically go back to court and there will be no settlement talks, he goes to jail, or he faces an automatic fine. I’m tired of him playing these games and deciding on his own that he’s going to switch up the rules. Hopefully this puts an end to it.

Here’s What I’m Willing To Do For You!

I have court in a little less than 2 weeks. Supposedly Jerry Lee and his new lawyer were going to write up an offer. I haven’t seen one yet. I did get an email from my attorney today, though.

Apparently in reviewing his client’s file he “realized” that Jerry Lee was due a reduction in child support because Picasso had turned 18. Jerry Lee is generously willing to continue paying what he’s already paying and apply that to the balance owed. That’s his amazing offer so far.

Never mind the fact that yes, his son did turn 18 yesterday, but he just finished his junior year of high school. Never mind the fact that he won’t begin his senior year until next month. Never mind the fact that he doesn’t graduate until June of 2021. He’s 18 now so he’s on his own as far as Daddy is concerned. Oh, and never mind the fact that a quick Google search clearly spells out that child support stops at age 18 UNLESS the 18 year old is a full time student.

His big offer is he’ll stop paying legitimate court ordered child support on his son who has not yet graduated from high school in order to make up for the two years where he self-modified child support the moment his daughter graduated. It’s a two-for, if you think about it.

One, he gets out of child support actually being modified and reflecting what he should be paying for his son. Two, he gets to forego actually supporting his son and instead get a head start on those arrears he built up by being a stubborn, know-it-all ass.

Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen. I emailed my attorney back and informed her that Picasso was not due to graduate until next June. I’m not taking some half-baked offer to make his life easier. That man knows his son did not graduate, and he knows it’s not because he flunked his senior year. He is perfectly aware of the fact that we delayed sending him to school for an additional year. I cannot believe how stupid he is sometimes.

No, I can. He’s “conveniently” stupid. He doesn’t bother to research the law when it might not benefit him. He’ll just play dumb instead and see if I’m as dumb as he’s hoping I might be.

I am a little nervous about court. You never know how it will play out. I feel like I have the law on my side. Jerry Lee has not done the right thing at any point in this. But you never know. Cross your fingers for me, say a prayer, put it out into the universe, light a candle, meditate, do whatever you do to bring peace and luck to someone. Please and thank you!

Ug!

I had a horrible thought! The stimulus checks are based upon your adjusted gross income. I completely forgot that Jerry Lee gets to deduct all of his spousal support paid to me. If he hasn’t filed his 2019 tax refund it’s possible his income would be under the $75,000 threshold. Fuck! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!

In 2018 he worked the entire year at his $100,000 a year job. Not only did he pay full spousal support all year (hooray him!) he also paid me another $16,000 in back support, which is why I got totally screwed taxes last year. Even if his income was a little above the $100,000 mark he would definitely be below the $75,000 threshold. Harley might be a little bit above it, but between the two of them I think they would be under the $150,000 threshold to get the full amount, and they will definitely be under the $198,000. Plus, she will get credit for at least one kid.

So that sucks. Despite the county enforcement agency having my case for over a year I don’t think there’s anything official on the books. Which means no stimulus check is going to be diverted to my bank account. I also know that Jerry Lee is too fucking stupid to put any of it aside for when court plays out. And, he’s not going to try to catch up on anything either. So looks like those two jackasses will get to play with approximately $2900 while I continue to wait for my day in court.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed that their 2019 taxes were already filed so everything was based off of that! He might still get some but it won’t be the full amount. I don’t know why but that makes me feel better.

As Joe Kenda Would Say, “My, My, My…”

My, my, my… what do you know? When faced with a contempt hearing it turns out he can pay what he’s been ordered to pay. At least as far as spousal support goes. He’s still holding out on modifying child support, of course, but he is paying the court ordered amount of spousal support. For now.

Life is so full of mysteries. Like, how even though he’s making more money now than when the original order came down, he couldn’t seem to come up with enough money to pay what was owed. I wonder if that’s because he doesn’t take into consideration his court ordered obligations before he decides where to live or how much he (they) can spend. Or, how he’s suddenly able to pay the full amount now that a court hearing is on the horizon. Do you think I would have seen that full amount unless he found out he was going back to court? I don’t.

I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he found out I was taking him back for the missing spousal support AND $19,000 in back child support where he hasn’t modified the order. Even if I don’t get it just the thought of what he must have looked like when he found out is enough to make me smile. That doesn’t even include the legal fees he has yet to pay.

Thank you to everyone who mentioned the possibility of me getting his stimulus check because of back support. I don’t think that’s a possibility for several reasons, the main one being he makes too much money. He supposedly made $100,000 at the job in Kentucky. I would bet dollars to donuts that he got quite the nice raise when he made the move to Mississippi and yet another nice raise when he went to Georgia.

Then I started thinking about the possibility of them filing a joint income tax return so perhaps the stimulus check would be based upon their joint income. I don’t think she makes enough to disqualify herself from getting a check but I do think she probably makes over the $75,000 threshold, and together they make more than a couple can make and still get a check. I did think that would be hilarious though if they did get a stimulus check based upon the fact that she might qualify and then I turned around and got their check. I mean, I would find it hilarious; I’m sure they wouldn’t think it was anywhere near as funny.

Plus, I’m not even sure he’s on record as being behind. I really have no idea the status of my case, or if they’re at the point where they could take tax refunds and stimulus checks. I submitted my garnishment papers and have stated he never modified child support which makes him, oh, around $19,000 behind, but I don’t know that anyone at the state has actually entered that anywhere. In other words, I don’t know if any official enforcement office considers him to be in arrears.

Speaking of the glorious state of Indiana… I still have not heard from my caseworker. I emailed her close to a month ago, maybe more. I don’t know if she’s still working there, been fired or quit. I don’t know if she’s ignoring me. I don’t know if she told others to ignore me. I don’t even know if she knows at this point that he no longer lives in Mississippi. If she does she sure as hell hasn’t informed me. Maybe she’s hoping I’ll just go away.

Quite honestly, she may be getting her wish. My lawyer can’t understand why a judge in whatever state needs to be the one to modify the court order. I’m not going through this shit again. I won’t be able to get anything in place until December or January at the earliest. Picasso graduates in June. I’m supposed to go through all this crap in order to get less than six months of a garnishment? I don’t think so. My plan right now is to sit my lawyer down once I get the new order and have her help me fill out the forms I’ve printed off. Then I’ll send it directly to his place of employment. Once I know how to fill out the forms I’ll just keep a set handy for the next time he decides to switch jobs and I’ll send them to the next place as well. I hear the turnaround for that is pretty damn quick compared to the six freaking months it took to get… well, nowhere really. All that time only to finally get to the finish line and find out the motherfucker has moved again and no longer lives in Mississippi.

Oh well, in a world where people are being laid off left and right I still have a job, he’s still got a job, and he’s at least smart enough to continue paying.

Change & Progress

2020 has certainly been a banner year, hasn’t it? Kobe Bryant and 8 others were killed in a helicopter accident, Australia caught on fire, the coronavirus has us all practicing social distancing and self- quarantining, the stock market has plummeted, they had a 5.7 magnitude earthquake in Utah, and Kenny Rogers died. We’re only a quarter of the way through the year! Next year I am not picking a word of the year. Change has been a disaster!

Because I am in an industry that is defined as “essential” I am still going to work every day. I appreciate my sweet co-worker who says, “Be grateful we do work in an essential industry; we don’t have to worry about being out of work unlike a lot of these people.” That is true, and thankfully I don’t work with the public. Our lobbies are still open. My friends who are still tellers and desk people continue to interact with the public on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, half of my department has been relocated to our main office building in downtown. I will be moving on Monday along with 7 other co-workers. The reasoning behind taking us out of our building that houses maybe 75-100 people and relocating us to our main office building which houses around 600 or more employees is they don’t want an entire department out and quarantined at home. So, half of the departments at the downtown location are swapping with us and three other locations.

In addition to exposing us to even more people in the main building, that space is also occupied by a hotel. My hope is that the hotel is fairly empty right now. I guess their precaution measure is that each floor is locked so we are only able to access the floor we are assigned to. No mixing and mingling.

Finally, instead of having us park in the underground garage attached to the building they are having us park about two blocks away. The convention center is closed and is willing to offer us free parking. They’d rather have us walk the two blocks to the building than to have to validate our parking for however long this goes on.

I keep telling myself that even if I get the virus it will probably end up being a mild case. In the meantime, there’s no telling when or if Jerry Lee will pay again so I’m thankful I’m still working and earning enough to cover my bills.

In other “change” news I’m up to running 35-36 minutes and have conquered 2.5 miles.

I decided this past week I would increase my time by 5 minutes and see where I was distance wise. If I was close to 2.5 miles I would run until I hit that mark. The first day it took me 35 minutes and 50 seconds, I believe. The second day I was over 36 minutes. 36:20, I believe. Hey- I was dedicated enough that I ran in the rain. Not a pouring type of rain but more of a mist. I still ran with wet shoes and ended up with wet hair and clothes. My final day I ran it in 35 minutes, 18 seconds.

Next week I’ll up my running time to 40 minutes. We’ll see where I’m at. If I’m close to 3 miles I’ll push forward. If I’m just over 2.75 miles I may call it a day at 40 minutes. I’m going to play it by ear.

Not that we really expected anything different but our race for April 4th was canceled. We are thinking of doing a different 5K in August. This one is a mud run and should be a lot of fun. It’s also part of an entire weekend of a festival.

I also joined our workplace Weight Loss Challenge. It runs through July 3rd. So far I’ve lost 8.5 pounds. I’m doing the low carb thing because I get crazy counting calories (as you all have come to realize).

My poor mobster. He said something to the effect of, “That was a crazy few weeks when you were doing that!” I told him it had only been a few days. His reply? “It seemed like years!”

I’ve got a court date set for mid-July. We’ll see what Jerry Lee offers. It seems to me he wants to avoid court. The problem is he’s too cheap and too arrogant to actually make a decent offer. Instead he’ll try to take control and count on me being so desperate for any little crumbs that I’ll take whatever he offers. He’s going to be very disappointed.

That’s the change going on in my life. Everyone stay inside and stay safe.

Will I Ever Catch a Break?

Yesterday I told you Jerry Lee had hired a lawyer for the hearing and that the sheriff’s department reported his address was a vacant residence.

I also got word from my lawyer that thanks to the lovely coronavirus all court cases have been continued. Fortunately, as soon as I sign and notarize the affidavit she sent me the judge will sign off on re-opening the case. So while the Motions Day is not going to happen I will get my case re-instated. That’s the good news. Probably the only good news.

She also told me that she talked with Jerry Lee’s new attorney. She’s not familiar with him and all she could tell me about him was that he was young. Yeah, I think we all saw Matt Damon in The Rainmaker. I’m not taking anything for granted.

They (the lawyer and Jerry Lee) are planning on sending a proposal for settlement, i.e. a payment plan (or so she believes). I personally think he’s going to toss out some ridiculously low number and expect me to take that.

Yes, I know that I owe you over $50,000. What I’m proposing is that I pay you $10,000 over the course of 5 years.

His apparent eagerness to settle this out of court had me curious. Why so eager? What are you hiding, Jerry Lee?

Turns out Jerry Lee and Harley have moved to yet another state! And they are down yet another child. Again, I would like to point out I started this divorce out with 2 children; I still have 2. Harley started out with 4; she’s down to 1.

You know what this means, don’t you? My whole garnishment case is down the fucking drain. I contacted the caseworker over the weekend. Well, I emailed her. I told her what the sheriff’s department had said and asked if she had heard anything from the state of Mississippi. I have yet to hear back from her.

Regardless, it’s all now a moot point. Mississippi can’t do anything. I have no idea what Georgia child support laws are like or how tough they are on parents who don’t pay. It doesn’t really matter though. I’m in the middle of getting it modified through Virginia. I won’t have a court date until July. Oh yeah, that’s part of the bad news. No court until July at the very earliest. Hooray!

I couldn’t get anything done for months and now I finally have a chance to appear before the judge and get arrears. Do I try to reach a new agreement with him and get things like insurance coverage and medical coverage for my daughter, only to turn around and garnish him in Georgia? If my dipshit caseworker is correct and we have to have the judge in Georgia modify the court order, even if we’ve reached a new agreement, will I end up getting screwed? What happens if the case goes to Georgia and the judge there uses his actual income instead of imputed income, assuming he’s not out earning his imputed income, of course? I would have done okay in Mississippi because they’re a single income state. They’re one of only four, so my chances of Georgia doing it that way as well is pretty slim.

In addition to those worries, if we reach a new agreement, and the judge only enforces it instead of modifying it, we still can’t move ahead with it until July. Then I need to give Georgia 60-90 days and the county another 45 days. That’s 4 1/2 months. After July. That brings us to the beginning of December at the earliest. My son will be halfway through his senior year by the time Jerry Lee is finally garnished at the rate this is going. Will they continue to garnish him for spousal support once the child support ends? I don’t know.  If they don’t it seems kind of silly to go through all this hell for six months of garnished child support.

I turned my garnishment papers in on January 25th, 2019. More than a year ago. I had my interstate meeting on September 10th. Over six months ago. He’s still not garnished. He’s not even close. He’s moved twice, each time to a different state, since I’ve started this. We’re back to square one. Now I get to wait. Once again. And be at his mercy. He gets to continue to pay what he wants, when he wants. It’s lovely. I’m going to go cry now.

The Wheels of Justice

The wheels of justice don’t seem to move one damn bit. Okay, I’ll start with the “good” news.

I got notice that my lawyer will be appearing in court to get my case re-instated on the 18th. It sounds like Jerry Lee was served right around Valentine’s Day, if not ON Valentine’s Day. I suppose that explains the new amount of spousal support he paid on the 29th.

He’s still off. As you may know he modified support on his own back in May last year. Upon finding out that he had had a job pretty much the entire time I let him know he was $700 a month short and asked him if he was going to continue to pretend like he didn’t have a job and was paying all he could, or if he would be paying the correct amount. From that moment he upped the amount he was giving me but he was still short by more than $370. Now, he’s taking the amount he has been paying me (the one that is $370 short) and then adding the $370 onto it. Of course, I don’t know if this will be a long term thing or not because he’s only done it once. If he is planning on keeping this up until we go to court then the end result will be I’m getting a little over $200 more than what he’s court ordered to pay. We’ll see. I don’t have high hopes for him.

Nevertheless, it’s a small victory of justice. It only took four months to finally get before the judge to put it on the docket, and it will probably be another two-three months before we actually have a court date, but those old, rusty wheels are moving finally.

Now for the bad news. I still have not heard anything from my caseworker or the state of Mississippi. Hell, it’s possible the judge there took jurisdiction and my attorney will go before the judge and he’ll have to throw out most of her case.

I’m going to do a little PSA right now. Start garnishment proceedings immediately after your divorce is finalized. Some people are lucky and their state requires payment to go through them. If you’re not one of those lucky ones run directly from the courtroom to the clerk’s office or wherever you need to go in order to get the payments garnished. Especially if you have a very special ex who moved out of state. Doubly so if not only did your ex move out of state but also if your ex forced you into leaving the state in which you got said divorce. That’s an even more special kind of clusterfuck.

I turned my papers in on January 25th. Back in 2019. It’s been more than a year and he’s still not garnished.

I realize I stopped the process in the summer based upon the information I was given. The caseworker scheduled the interstate meeting. I told her I was withdrawing my case. She told me all I could do was NOT show up. There is a month between my last email to her (June 12th) when I told her I was withdrawing and when I found out he had a job, and had in fact had a job the entire time (July 15th). My original interstate meeting was scheduled sometime in that month. In August I gave my caseworker the go ahead to set up a new interstate appointment so that I could move forward. And keep in mind, me hitting pause didn’t matter anyway. By the time I had my original interstate appointment and she sent everything off to Kentucky he was already living in Mississippi. We’d still be on the same time frame. Hell, we might even be a little further behind because Kentucky wouldn’t have been obligated to let her know he was no longer a resident for 60-90 days. That would have brought us to September- which is when I ended up meeting with her anyway- or possibly, October.

Now it’s been six months since my interstate appointment. When I walked out of her office she told me to give it 60-90 days. Maybe I’m a little fuzzy on the day to month ratio but I thought 60-90 days was basically two to three months. Not six.

Of course, once we get close to the supposed 60-90 day timeframe I’m told that now the county has another 45 days to make a decision. Again, a little fuzzy on the ratio but I could have sworn that amounted to approximately 6 weeks. Are these business days or calendar days? The caseworker has never said. Apparently they like everything to be a big surprise.

She’s never said if I’m notified, how I’m notified, what else I have to look forward to, what kind of timeline I should expect. I flat out asked her for a time frame on when I could expect garnishment to begin and her response was a decisive, “I don’t know. I don’t have a timeline for you.”

I, too, have a job. It might surprise her to know that I’m frequently called with questions. My answer has never been, “I don’t know.” If I don’t know the answer to a question I either ask around or I point them in the direction of the person or department who would know.

I’m not asking for a minute by minute play. I’d simply like to know what’s going to happen next and what is the general time frame for this to occur. For example: First, we need to do A. Then we will do B. Then C. Then D. Then E. Obviously I can’t give you an exact time that this will be over but A usually takes x amount of time, B usually takes Y amount of time, C usually takes about z amount of time, and so on and so on. That’s business days, not calendar days by the way, so you need to mark out all weekends and federal holidays. This is what you need to do at each step. You will be notified in this manner.

Is that so difficult? I don’t need hard and fast dates. Just a damn timeline. The 60-90 days has come and gone. The last time I heard from my caseworker was February 5th, over a month ago. She had called the Child Support office on January 29th and reached a person working at the help desk. The caseworker was supposed to call her back. Over a month later and I’ve never heard any follow up. Maybe the county decided not to take the case. Maybe all of this has been for nothing. Who knows? Not me! It’s one big surprise!

In the meantime I get to keep guessing when, how much, and if Jerry Lee will pay me what he’s supposed to. Actually I already know he’s not going to pay me what he’s supposed to. He hasn’t in almost two years.

My son graduates in 15 months. At that point this whole issue will be a moot point. I’m laying 50/50 odds on whether or not this is completed by then.

P.S. Also just found out the address I had for him is a vacant residence, which means he’s moved again. It also somewhat explains why he didn’t pay as he was supposed to in November. Sounds like he’s got a new job- yet again. If it’s in another state and I have to start this all over again I’m going to cry.

And… he’s hired an attorney for this show cause hearing.

Are You Grateful For Child Support?

Once again I am reading the debate board I have kept up with for the last ten plus years. Right now a pious little bitch who has never been divorced is talking about how it “irks” her when “single moms” complain about how their ex is doing nothing or is only doing the bare minimum. Naturally she doesn’t have to worry about ever getting divorced because they are so in love even after twenty years and she makes an effort to work on her marriage, unlike all of us who are divorced and who naturally didn’t love our spouses and didn’t put in the great effort she does. This particular person also likes to talk about how if she were to ever divorce (but she won’t!) she would end up with permanent alimony (as much of her husband’s salary as it would take to equalize their earnings) and generous child support. The difference is she would make sure her child knew that Daddy was a good provider and he paid child support.

Yeah, something tells me that if the love of her life dumped her for another woman the last thing she would thinking of would be to make sure her kid knew what a great provider Daddy was. Also, it’s a lot easier to hypothesize when you’re walking around in $80 t-shirts, $90 leggings and $100 flip flops than when your whole standard of living has been decimated.

Nonetheless I do let my kids know their dad pays support. They are completely aware that him paying allows me to do things for them. They’re also aware I’m not able to do as much as before because he’s modified spousal support on his own and shorted me almost $11,000 this year. They also know when he doesn’t pay because that’s when shit gets real and nothing happens for them because I’m not able to do it.

I’m sure the whiney little bitch from that board would say that while you should thank them profusely, be subservient in your gratefulness, and always let your children know what an awesome provider Daddy is she would be horrified at the notion they might be told when Daddy wasn’t being such a great provider. Oh no! Keep that shit to yourself. The kids don’t need to know any of that.

Someone else chimed in and said she was always grateful that her ex paid child support in full and on time. “Gratitude and appreciation are good things,” she opined.

The nitwit replied, “You’re one of the good ones,” to which this other person said that she had to make the decision to be that (grateful and appreciative?) despite what her husband did (he cheated and left for the OW) because she loved her children.

Give me a fucking break. Do those of us working two and three jobs or donating plasma after work twice a week not love our children as much as her because we don’t fawn all over our exes for following the goddamn court order?

They’re not doing this out of the goodness of their hearts. At least mine isn’t. He’s doing it because he’s court ordered to. And in his case, he changed the fucking court order all on his own. Repeatedly. So why the hell would I be grateful for that?

You want me to be grateful? Do something above and beyond. Don’t short change me and then bitch because I didn’t say thank you for the little bit you were willing to do.

I’ve been on both ends of it. I’ve received significant and not quite as significant amounts of child and spousal support. I’ve not received a dime for almost a year. I’ve also received his modified support, the amount of which he chose based upon on his own whim. Is it easier when he pays? Of course it is! Am I going to text him each time he sends a payment and thank him? No, I am not. Why not? Because it’s what he’s supposed to do. If he ever shocks me and does something beyond what the court order asks for then I’ll consider thanking him. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to thank a person for doing what they’re supposed to do. Thank you for paying that medical bill so quickly! Thank you for paying your self-modified child support! Thank you for paying the amount of spousal support you are willing to pay!

I’ll be the first to admit that when I received that $900 after he told me he had lost his job again I was ecstatic. That $900 meant Picasso and I could eat. It meant he got to continue to take his cello lessons. It meant I didn’t have to run out and get a second job.

The next month when I got $1500 for spousal support in addition to the child support I was stunned.

According to those two lovely ladies I should have been falling all over myself to let him know how grateful I was that he sent me money. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Only… that wasn’t quite correct. He wasn’t unemployed and scraping together whatever he could between severance packages and unemployment. He had a new job. He was keeping that fact a secret from me so that he could pay me what he felt like. After all if I thought he wasn’t working and he was sending me anything then I wouldn’t complain. He could move into a nice, big, fancy house and have plenty of money for whatever he wanted because he wasn’t paying his court ordered support. He was paying his Jerry Lee sanctioned support. Had I thanked him and told him how grateful I was for the amount he was willing to pay I would have been a joke. Jerry Lee and Harley both would have laughed at me and my stupidity. “We’re playing that dumb bitch like a fiddle and she’s thanking us! She thinks he’s still not working and she’s so happy he’s sending something at least.” Yes, they would have been laughing all the way to the bank. And on their vacation. And while they ran around naked in their nice big house.

I’m still not sure he would have sent anything if I hadn’t emailed him two weeks after he dropped the bomb and told him he needed to send something. I’m absolutely certain he would still be shorting me $700/month on my alimony if I had not called him out on having a job. But sure, let me thank him for sending support.

Her insistence on us being grateful for that which is legally owed to us triggers flashbacks and jogs memories. Like the fact that I had thanked him.

Oh yes. Back in 2016. He had only been paying his new court ordered support (an amount much higher than he was expecting to pay, I should add) for a few months. The check hadn’t arrived so I texted him to see what was up. After all, the prior month the check had been “lost in the mail”. That’s when he told me I should get a job. Up until that point I hadn’t communicated with him much. Less is more when it comes to him. But that day I was feeling a little feisty so I told him I would take his comments under consideration; in the meantime I would hate to have to file contempt of court charges.

Let me tell you, that really set him off. I take that back. He took that one like a champ. Informed me I needed to think about what I was saying because I totally lived off of him and if he was in jail and couldn’t pay then I would be ruined! Ruined, I tell you! It was when I informed him that was a chance I was willing to take that he went off. At one point he told me I should be a little more grateful because I had a great life thanks to him and I needed to appreciate that shit!

As you can imagine that went over very well with me. Naturally, because I am just a very submissive person who only aims to please I felt compelled to thank him.

… Oh thank you! Thank you for letting me follow you around the country for 20 years. Thank you for moving us 2000 miles [away], tearing the kids away from their friends, shattering Rock Star’s dreams of getting a gymnastics scholarship, and taking Picasso away from hockey all so you could take your “dream job” that you left after 18 months and so you could fuck your cousin. Thank you for abandoning your kids and leaving us in financial ruin. Thank you for paying your court ordered support. Anything else you want to be thanked for? Oh here’s another one. Thanks for showing naked pictures of me to the whore. Thanks for pretending to be Daddy of the Year to her kids while you ignore your own. THANK YOU! Is that better? Do you feel appreciated now?

He didn’t like that either. I would like it noted though that I did thank him for paying his support.

That’s the problem. So many of these cheaters think that everything they do should be greeted with praise and unending thankfulness. They conveniently forget all of the shitty things they’ve done. Poor wittle Jerry Lee doesn’t seem to remember cutting us all off financially while he ran back and forth between Virginia and Kentucky, blowing through over $30,000. The fact that he moved out of the damn state without saying a word to his kids has totally escaped his mind. He doesn’t seem to remember forcing us to move out of our home or his kids having to transfer schools. He has forgotten not paying a dime in child or spousal support for 10 months while he cleared out his unfrozen 401k and shacked up with Harley. The fact that he has never driven up to see his kids one single time in the four years since he moved out has completely slipped his mind. I wonder if his memory could be jogged so that he remembers cutting off support for his daughter the moment she graduated from high school or cutting child support in half despite knowing that’s not the way it works? I wonder if he realizes he’s not actually paying me what he owes me, but is instead paying whatever he feels like paying?

Probably not, but he sure does want praise and thanks each and every time he does something he’s court ordered to do. He wants praise and thanks every time he does something, period. Fuck the court order! Jerry Lee paid me what he felt he should. All hail Jerry Lee! Hell, two months after he deserted us in Virginia for the green incestuous pastures of Kentucky he was boo-hoo’ing about how he was doing the best he could for us.

Jerry Lee: Yes. It is the same program. I am doing my best to make sure all of you are taken care of whether you believe it or not.

Me: I’m not sure what, “That’s what they did at PCA” makes you think I’ve somehow insulted you. I was agreeing with you. There won’t be any cards.

Jerry Lee: I was just expressing my effort to take care of everyone. I didn’t take that as an insult. I simply added that at the end. Maybe I was searching for a little affirmation that I was doing the right thing.

Me: <<crickets>>

Affirmation for doing the right thing? What right thing? You passed that by a long time ago. You want to do the right thing? How about you not fuck your cousin, you dipshit? How about you not cheat on your wife? How about you not desert your kids without a single word? Like I said, that ship has sailed. You don’t get affirmation for doing the bare minimum after you fucked us over.

You think you’re making an effort to take care of everyone? Really? By cheating on me? By deserting your kids? By leaving us financially destitute? By blowing up our lives? Here’s a tip. Don’t move your entire family across the country and then, after buying a new house, new furniture, a new car, and putting a pool in the backyard, start fucking your cousin. You want to take care of people? Don’t cheat on your wife and abandon your kids. There’s nothing caring about any of that.

Am I thankful when he pays child support? Yes, I am. But I won’t ever thank him. I’m not thankful for him. I’m thankful he fears the law enough to pay. As we all know though he takes extreme liberties and isn’t nearly fearful enough. He plays straight and narrow for a bit and then he starts to see what he can get away with.

Am I thankful that he’s paying something instead of nothing? Absolutely. But I’m not going to thank him while he’s short changing me. It would be one thing if he came to me and said, “This is what I’m going through. Can we work something out?” but he never does that. He treats me with utter contempt. I’m not worthy of a conversation. I get no say in what happens. He makes the decision and I’m supposed to smile and thank him for being willing to pay anything. I get it. It’s really hard to continue to live your upper middle class lifestyle when you have to pay child support and spousal support to your ex. If he actually paid what he owed he might not be able to rent that fantastic new home, so far better for me to live on even less while Harley and the mulligans lifestyles are elevated to a level they’ve never had before in their life.

I’ll tell you what. Seeing as how I don’t call him out on every single shitty thing he does- oh let’s be serious. I don’t call him out on any shitty thing he does because it’s a waste of breath and time. But seeing as how I don’t call him out when he does something shitty to me or his kids, maybe he can put on his big boy pants and not whine and cry when I’m not falling all over myself to thank him for the little bit he is willing to do. If the pious little bitch from the debate board doesn’t like it… well, when her husband dumps her and starts playing around with support, she can thank him all day long and come back and tell all of us what a good little ex-wife she is. Until that day, though? She can fuck right off.