The Myth of the Sexless Marriage

I was reading a conversation over on DC Urban Moms and Dads. The original poster asked why on earth anyone would recommend Chump Lady’s site because she was so bitter, angry and negative. Several people patiently pointed out that anger is useful to get you through the initial phase of being discarded and accepting what you married. Others pointed out her tag line is: Leave a cheater, gain a life. She’s not into the reconciliation business. Eventually it meandered over into the fact that men NEED sex and that most people who cheat do so because of sexless marriages.

Well, of course they do! It couldn’t be the fact that the person has bad character. It couldn’t be the fact that the cheater lacks impulse control, or feels entitled to anything he or she desires. It couldn’t be the fact that they act like toddlers, throwing a tantrum anytime things don’t go their way. It can’t be that they are needy and clingy and are bottomless pits of need. No, it must be because their spouses (wives usually) have cut them off from sex, forcing them to cheat. They wouldn’t do this awful thing if the “refusing” spouse would simply hop into bed and participate. This is not their fault! It’s the cheated on spouse’s fault!

Why not divorce? Coz reasons! It’s no fair that if my wife cuts me off from sex and I believe that’s a deal breaker then I have to be a grown up and make hard choices. One person even put it like this:

I’m not comfortable defending the position of a cheater but…

A wife who unilaterally chooses to be sexless gives her husband a Hobson’s choice. Either cheat or divorce, and along with divorce comes a free raping by the divorce court. Losing their kids, their house, half their stuff and the added bonus of continuing to pay the person who caused this for the rest of their life. That’s a ridiculous choice to have to make. So in that case, cheating is not a wholly unreasonable solution.

A wife whose husband has become sexless can make a legitimate choice to divorce with limited negative consequences, so there is no excuse for them to cheat.

Oy. And vey. Dramatic much?

A wife who unilaterally chooses to be sexless gives her husband a Hobson’s choice.

First of all, who are these wives this person speaks of who entirely cut their husbands off? There is a difference between, “I want to have sex six times a week but my spouse will only give it up twice,” vs. “I haven’t had sex in five years.” Not to mention, cheaters lie. It’s what they do.

CF will tell anyone who will listen that we hadn’t had sex in ten years. That is an outright lie. He will also tell people he is an Army Ranger. That is another outright lie. He lies. It’s what he does. I feel like I’m in a fucking Geico commercial!

In addition, the only spouses I’ve ever heard of who cut their spouse off sexually were the cheaters! They did it to maintain control. Meanwhile, they were out there screwing anything that moved.

Either cheat or divorce, and along with divorce comes a free raping by the divorce court. Losing their kids, their house, half their stuff…

Secondly, if you do even the tiniest bit of research you will find that it is generally women who pay the greatest price when it comes to divorce. Hell, I know I got a great deal compared to some people but my standard of living is still far, far below what it was. I will again remind the reading audience that while CF is indeed paying out in excess of 60% of his paycheck to me, he’s doing so because he refuses to leave his sweetie behind to find a better paying job. He was imputed at his previous wages. Even with a ten month gap in employment and being basically fired for drinking on the job, he managed to get a $100,000/year job. I finally got one for $11/hour. He lives in a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom 3000 sq. foot home which looks eerily like our old home in Virginia, with a community pool and a community clubhouse. I live with my mother, have no bedroom to call my own, and sleep on the couch.

Sure, there are stories of women who take their husbands to the cleaners. The ironic part? They’re usually the ones cheating. I know far more women who have been left destitute after a divorce.

…and the added bonus of continuing to pay the person who caused this for the rest of their life.

I’m pretty sure CF must have written this. Yet another person lamenting having to pay “for the rest of their life.” No, it’s not the rest of their life. In many states they pay nothing aside from child support! Child support ends at some point. Spousal support ends at some point. In my case it will end in 16 years. That is hardly “the rest of his life”.

I loved this though: So in that case, cheating is not a wholly unreasonable solution.

A wife whose husband has become sexless can make a legitimate choice to divorce with limited negative consequences, so there is no excuse for them to cheat.

Nice! So men are forced to cheat because otherwise they may have to give up some of their stuff. Women, on the other hand, never have an excuse to cheat.

It’s too bad some of these people never grew up. If they had they would understand that sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy. They would understand that on occasion you get to choose between two shitty things. These poor babies just assume the fact that divorcing comes with consequences they don’t want to face means they should be excused for cheating.

Could we please stop acting like women (or whoever is withholding) have all the power? It’s not like a stay at home mom who is “refusing” to have sex has nothing to lose if her husband leaves her. Many states start with 50/50 custody so she stands to lose her kids. Even if she has primary custody she still misses out on weekends and holidays with her kids. A woman who divorces may find her children being raised by another woman. After reading a Mom vs. Stepmom debate board for over ten years it seems to me that women are much more territorial when it comes to the children. Many states have no alimony, so even if she does get custody of the kids, she won’t be receiving it any longer than 18 years and it will go down as each child ages out. Her chances of finding a job where she makes as much money as her husband are fairly low unless her degree is in something that will remain current- think nursing. I’ve known women who were teachers, IT professionals, and accountants who struggled going back into the workforce after years of staying home with children. If she was already working then he’s not going to end up paying her alimony anyway, if they live in a state that awards it, unless he makes significantly more than her. And, if their salaries are very similar he might not end up paying her much in child support either- probably none at all if custody is 50/50.

It’s all a narrative to justify cheating. Those trying the hardest to justify it keep referring to the “refuser” in the relationship and how that person is the one who first broke vows. Apparently, one of the vows you make when you get married is to have sex on demand. If that vow isn’t met then the other spouse is justified in cheating, or so their theory goes.

Even when it’s pointed out that if that is indeed happening then both parties know they are not having sex. The person being refused sex is not left in the dark. When the other person decides to go outside of the marriage both parties are not aware of it. When that is pointed out, and divorce is offered up as the responsible response to such a situation (not getting all the sex you deserve) they once again chime in with, “But… consequences! Why should I suffer any consequences for any of my decisions? I have to cheat. I deserve to cheat because they won’t do what I want them, no NEED them, to do.” They are nothing but big ol’ cake eaters.

Here’s another truth. It’s not about the sex. If he’s getting it twelve times a week at home then he’ll complain that she won’t do anal, or oral, or some other thing. Or it’s that she won’t do a threesome or let him watch her have sex with another guy, or participate in a gang bang, or agree to an open marriage, or participate in S&M. Look at the swinger from last week. He and his wife are having sex upwards of five times a week and he wants to be able fuck strange on the side. His complaint about his first wife wasn’t simply that she only wanted sex a few times a month. It was also about the fact that she wasn’t willing to indulge his other fantasies.

If you read Chump Lady you will hear that narrative over and over: I had plenty of sex with my husband, but he went looking for other sources because I wouldn’t… (fill in the blank).

People don’t cheat because they’re in sexless marriages. I would be willing to bet that most of them who make that claim aren’t even in sexless marriages. They cheat because they feel entitled to cheat. They cheat because they want to eat cake, as Chump Lady would say. They cheat because nothing is ever enough for them and no amount of groveling and catering to them will ever make them happy or satisfied. They always demand more. They cheat because they don’t want to have to do the hard work of filing for divorce and going through everything that entails. It’s far easier to keep your spouse and some strange on the side, than it is to be honest and do the hard thing. They cheat because they have convinced themselves that it’s YOUR fault. You’ve made them do this; the poor lambs didn’t have a choice.

Don’t fall for the narrative, folks. People with an ounce of common sense don’t ask what the rape victim could have done to prevent the rapist from raping her/him. People with an ounce of common sense don’t tell the battered spouse, “If only you would do (fill in the blank),” or “If you wouldn’t do (fill in the blank) your spouse wouldn’t be driven to abuse you.” People with an ounce of common sense should also realize no one makes another person cheat. It’s a damn choice. Own it!

#riseup

My Condolences, Asshole

No contact is so hard sometimes! There are times I would really like to let loose on CF but I don’t. It’s especially hard when I have people telling me I shouldn’t let him get away with saying the crap he says. I tell myself instead that the fact I won’t engage him makes him furious. I am frequently reminded over on Chump Lady that ignoring him and going on with my life without acknowledging him is the greatest insult I could lob at him.

What has brought this on, pray tell? I’m so glad you asked! It’s April 29th and CF still has half of my spousal support to pay. As of the 20th of this month he had paid one half of the child support. That was it. Two thirds of the way through the month and he had paid less than a quarter of what he owed. Call me crazy for worrying about whether or not it would get paid but the man doesn’t have a great track record. I don’t think I’m completely out of bounds for thinking this might be the month he decides not to pay.

On top of that April has been a bitch as far as finances go. I had to pay taxes this year. Quite a bit, too. Cheerleading fees for this month were out of this world high because of U.S. Finals and Summit coaching fees, plus required practice wear for Summit, in addition to the regular fee. I then had to pay an additional fee for her actually going to Summit which included her park pass and probably the entry fee for her. Picasso somehow managed to break his bed so that had to be replaced. I was supposed to buy plane tickets to Orlando for our Summit trip; at this point we are now driving the 17 hours. Thanks, Asshole. I needed to book a hotel for the same trip. Plus, as an additional bonus I found out that the final date to buy passes for the parks and the competition was April 23rd; he didn’t pay me again until the 24th. I will now have to pay more money to get into the parks and to the competition. Again, thank you, Asshole. I have to pay my CPA. I got yet another lawyer bill for over $400, seeing as how she’s finally getting me my share of the 401k and pension. Of course, she sends me the same damn shit three or four times and I pay for each and every copy, along with postage. My daughter has prom next month and still hadn’t bought a dress. Next month I’m sure I will be bombarded with prom expenses (shoes, hair, nails, etc.) and the following month is her graduation. I still need to buy graduation announcements because she decided she wanted to do picture announcements instead of the traditional ones. Plus, I am still planning on heading to Utah for a wedding in June, which will involve me buying three plane tickets. But who the hell knows when he’ll finally get May’s support to me?

Because he doesn’t have the greatest track record, and because I don’t want him to harbor any illusions that I’ll silently suffer through another ten months of little to no support, I texted him. I was polite and professional. I told him the month was almost over and he had only paid half of his child support so far; I then asked him if he had a plan for catching up.

See? Polite and professional.

He mulled that over for the weekend and decided to grace me with a response on Monday, later in the day.

Don’t stress yourself. The money will be paid.

What a condescending twat waffle! Don’t stress myself? Gosh, I can’t imagine why I would stress. It’s not like he’s ever not paid…. Oh… Wait…. My bad.

He follows that up with:

If you absolutely must know, I am catching up from funeral expenses for my mother. Thank you for your condolences and those of the children as well.

There is so much material here! Where do I even begin?

If I absolutely must know? Motherfucker, you owe me money! Damn right I must know. Don’t neglect your legal obligation and then act like you’re doing me some kind of a favor. If you want a break for paying your mom’s funeral expenses then perhaps you should contact me and arrange something with me. Would it be so difficult to say,”Sam, I’m helping to pay my mom’s funeral expenses. I’m a little short on cash this month. I’m going to pay you X amount this month and I’ll catch up next month,”? Or even, “I’m going to be paying later this month than I normally do.”

Of course it would! Who am I to request civility from this majestic god? He is so far above me. He owes me nothing and I should be grateful for whatever scraps he throws my way.

He would never do such a thing because it’s much more fun to leave me hanging in the wind, wondering when, or if, he’s going to pay.

I think he loves the game playing. He thinks he’s got all the power when he controls the money. He was ordered to pay on the first. Ooh, let’s see if I can get a toe over the line. He asked if he could pay every other week. Let’s see if I can get the whole foot across the line. Once I okayed that request he promptly shit all over it and decided to pay the full monthly amount but to switch it up and pay four times a month instead. Then he bounced a check, promptly paid what was due and began sending me money electronically. The catch? He now has to send the spousal support in two separate payments, so his total support payment is paid in six installments. Ah, more power.

If you must absolutely know I was catching up on funeral expenses for my mother.

I don’t care if I sound like a total bitch. You pay me and then you worry about your mom’s funeral expenses. When Jezebel and Pastor Fake ask you to contribute to the cause you tell them what you can contribute after you’ve paid your support. You have a legal obligation to pay me support; you have no such legal obligation to pay for your mother’s funeral. Ask your whore to forego tanning or a trip to the nail salon or some fantastic event for her kid so that she can pay a little extra towards the household expenses.

I’m curious as well. #1- If Pastor Fake had all this money to loan you while you were milking a PTSD diagnosis, and you drained your 401k and used it to pay him back instead of helping to support your kids, where did all that money go? Why couldn’t Pastor Fake foot the bill on his own? #2- If you hid the bulk of what I was supposedly looking for then why can’t you pay for your mom’s funeral and pay your support obligation? I would think with all that money you claimed to have stashed away you wouldn’t have a problem with paying all your obligations.

Thank you for your condolences and those of the children as well.

My condolences? You didn’t even bother to inform me that she had died, you asshole! I wasn’t worthy of being notified. I was nothing. So take your request for condolences and shove them up your ass!

You made a good show of playing the victim for Rock Star with your, “I know you hate me but your grandmother loves you like crazy and she’s done nothing to you. You don’t even have to talk to me. I’ll just put the phone up to her ear and you can say something,”. Quite honestly though once time of death had been called I don’t think you ever bothered to tell her, and you certainly didn’t tell your son seeing as how you don’t have his number and can’t think of any way to get it. You also never bothered to inform them of the funeral arrangements. Was that to save yourself the hassle of trying to figure out which kids to bring- your real kids or your fake kids? It might have been awkward, huh? Playing the fucked up version of the Brady Bunch at their grandmother’s funeral. Although to be fair, you do seem to think that a funeral is the place for public unveiling of salacious relationships. It might have been the perfect time to introduce your kids to their replacements!

That’s my long roundabout way of telling you to fuck off with your victim morphing and trying to lay a guilt trip on my kids.

Another question: Why in the hell are you referring to them as “the children”? That sounds more like Harley writing your texts for you. Is she upset she doesn’t have all of your money to play with? Must be a letdown for her. She thought she was getting an additional $5000 per month and it’s more like $2000. Still, not bad for lying on your back.

Furthermore, let’s not pretend that my condolences would have been graciously accepted if they had been extended. You just wanted me to tell you how sorry I was so that you could ignore me and show me how insignificant I am in your life. Or so that you could have told me my condolences were neither needed or wanted.

You’re pissed that I ignored you and didn’t cater to your image of victim.

Do you still not understand that we are not friends? I don’t like you. I don’t like anything about you.

Your mother refused to cut Harley off after your first affair, continued to interact with her knowing the damage she had done to our marriage, and then encouraged her to call you which resulted in you two dipshits reigniting your affair and you planning to leave me. Can’t say I’m much of a fan of hers either.

I know; it’s very upsetting when someone dies and certain people refuse to put them up on a pedestal and canonize them as a saint. Whatever misdeeds occurred before death are supposed to be forgiven. How dare I not humble myself before you and your family, all of whom have treated me horribly and haven’t treated my kids much better?

Finally, let’s not pretend that if it had been my mom you would have been there front and center, offering up condolences and sending flowers. You couldn’t be bothered to accompany me to either of my grandmothers’ funerals, and that was when we were married. I don’t see you spending one single minute trying to comfort me now. Again, we’re not friends. I could easily argue that me not offering up condolences, and you keeping your mouth shut had it happened to me, was actually the kinder thing to do.

I wouldn’t want a birthday card or a Christmas newsletter or condolences from my rapist. I don’t want anything from you either. Much like how you told me you were doing me a favor by setting me free from the burden of being your wife, I did you a favor by not intruding on your grief with my unwanted and insincere condolences.

You’re welcome.

Beyond the Grave & Other Exciting Tales

I had a weird thing happen to me last week. It was either the day of Tammy Faye’s funeral or the day after. I was going through my old voicemail messages. I had something like 40 of them I hadn’t listened to so I figured I should clear some of them out. I came across a number I didn’t recognize. Curious, I played the message.

It was Tammy Faye. It was from February 16th, less than a month before she died. It was a pretty brief message: Sam, your number popped up on my phone. I was calling to see if everything was okay.

She sounded sick and frail.

Here’s the weird thing. I don’t have Tammy Faye’s number in my phone. I deleted it. Months, if not years, ago. There is no way I could have accidentally air dialed her. Believe me- my phone has a mind of its own! That is a very distinct possibility. My kids couldn’t have used my phone to call her unless they had her actual number. I even checked the call log to see if perhaps one of them did plug in her number on my phone for some reason. Nothing.

Ultimately it doesn’t really matter why my number popped up. I’m more freaked out about the fact she still had my number in her phone. Why?

Bob messaged me to let me know CF saw his condolence message but didn’t reply. What a surprise. He told me he hoped that some good could come of this some day. I don’t believe in fairy tales and am getting a little tired of his excuses for CF so I was a bit feisty when I replied:

What good could come of it? I’ve been left in poverty, depending on his support payments which he makes when he wants and just bounced a check. I live with my mom and sleep on the couch. My kids have lost their dad. They’ve lost having a mom who is home and available for them. Rock Star is screwed when it comes to paying for college. She missed out on graduating with her class from her original high school She hates it here and suffers from anxiety. Picasso seems to be okay but who knows. The only people prospering are Harley and her kids.

#truth

His response was that the only good that could come of it is that one day CF and the kids would once again have a familial relationship.

Bob, I love ya; I appreciate the support you’ve given me since this shit storm began, and I realize you consider CF a friend (even if he no longer considers you one), but you’re stupid. In what world can a father abandon his children, play Daddy of the Decade to kids who aren’t his, and the great equalizer will be him reconciling with his kids so that they, too, can eat his special blend of shit sundae?

I don’t think it has ever occurred to him that maybe reconciling with their deadbeat dad is NOT in their best interest. He hasn’t done a single thing to try to make things right with them. He continues to ask Rock Star to pass along messages to her brother because he doesn’t have his number. Hmmmm…. if only there was a way he could get that number. If only he knew someone that might actually have that number. This is his genius at work, ladies and gentlemen. Stymied by not having his son’s phone number which has never changed, and forced to ask his daughter to pass along the message.

He continues to begin every message with: I know you hate me but… Can the man be any more of a victim?

Maybe she needs to begin replying to these messages with: I know you’ve already replaced me with your whore’s kids but… Or, maybe: I know your whore will always be more important than me but…

I’m kidding, folks. Don’t bombard me with messages about how no contact is the best tactic. I know that. She doesn’t generally respond.

A few days later Bob contacted me again to ask if the kids had heard from CF since the funeral. Nope. I did tell him, however, about my message from beyond the grave. He told me it was too bad I didn’t get the message earlier because maybe I could have reached out and we could have cleared the air. In turn, I told him that honestly, even if I had received the message the day I got it I wouldn’t have called her because I had nothing to say to her.

Death brings out the sap in most people and I’m trying hard not to get sucked in. She chose her son and his whore and her four kids over her own flesh and blood. The twenty years I spent as part of her family meant nothing. I was quickly tossed aside and discarded. She was happily skipping off to funerals with her precious baby boy and his cunt face cum dumpster. She couldn’t gush over her enough. So, she got exactly what she wanted. Her son and his whore were there at her funeral. I’m sure the whore’s kids made an appearance as well. Have to keep up the image.

Rock Star and I had an interesting conversation about this as we drove to her latest cheer competition. She pretty much admitted that if they had ever apologized or tried to make things right with her she probably would have reconciled with them. They never did. There was never an apology, never an acknowledgement that any wrongdoing had taken place. Tammy Faye could post comments to her on Facebook but she couldn’t take the time to text her or call her and have an honest, one-on-one conversation with her.

She never bothered to call her or text her when Rock Star first found out about her dad and I getting a divorce, finding out her dad was having an affair. Rock Star had called her dad and demanded her grandmother be put on the phone because she didn’t believe him when he told her he was with his mom. Once Tammy Faye got on the phone she said she didn’t want to do this anymore and threw the phone down, hanging up on them. Not a word.

That was her chance to tell Rock Star she was sorry about what had happened, sorry for her part in it. That was her chance to act like she actually gave a shit about what was happening to her and her brother.

Where was she when we were forced out of our home? Where was she when Rock Star and Picasso were forced to leave behind their school and their friends yet again, thanks to their father? Where was she when Rock Star found out she couldn’t get her license and would have to have yet another learner’s permit for 6 more months? Where was she all those months when Rock Star was hating life and feeling like a nobody thanks to the move forced upon her by her dad? Where was she when Rock Star was dealing with anxiety?

I’ll tell you where she was. She was up her son’s ass, gazing at him adoringly, and gushing over his whore, telling her how pretty she was.

My mother looked up her obituary. Curiosity meets the cat. It said she had four kids. Understandable, I suppose. They included her two stepsons whom she had helped raise. CF and Harley were listed together. Naturally. And then it listed her as having 18 grandchildren.

I have no idea where they came up with that number. Jezebel has two kids plus her two step kids. That makes 4. Her oldest stepson has 5 kids; the youngest has 2. That brings the total up to 11 and leaves only her son. He has 2 children which brings the number up to 13. Even counting Harley’s kids that only brings it up to 17. Maybe somebody has a kid that I’m not aware of. Nonetheless I find it appalling that those idiots could actually list Harley the Whore’s four kids as her grandkids. She’s been “granny” to them for a whole whopping two years and almost all of that time has been while he was married to me. At the very least take my two kids off the list. She chose Harley’s brood over my two.

I know. I can’t control what goes in her obituary. It’s also over and done with now. Plus, the very wise advice: No contact is the path to enlightenment. So very true.

It just goes to show you what a dog and pony show death and funerals are. Everyone is celebrating her as this wonderful person who loved everybody and was so sweet. The reality is she had no problem with her daughter cheating on her husband. Either of them. She had no problem with her son cheating on his wife of 20 years; in fact, she encouraged it. I guess she just didn’t correctly anticipate the reaction of my children. Unfortunately for her our memories are long and are not softened by death.

A Conversation With Picasso

So often I feel like Picasso is my forgotten child. Rock Star came out like an explosion of fireworks- loud, screaming, demanding. Picasso was calm, serene, go with the flow. Rock Star has always liked to go, go, go! Picasso is more of a stay at home and play video games kinda kid. Rock Star is outgoing and a standout in so much of what she does; Picasso is much more behind the scenes and has a much harder time finding things he is passionate about. Rock Star is always wanting; she’s always asking for time, money, experiences, attention. Picasso exists in his own little world and it’s very easy to overlook him because his needs and wants are generally so small.

Anyway, I took him out to dinner one night while Rock Star was off doing whatever it was she was doing. I wondered if he had any idea that Tammy Faye had been in the hospital, or that she was back in the hospital. I wasn’t sure if Rock Star had passed along that message or not. Apparently, he was not in the know. His response upon finding out? Is it mean if I say that’s karma?

Each time I ask a child why they hold such animosity towards Tammy Faye (after all, she’s not the one that cheated on me or abandoned them) both of them point out that she fully supports CF and what has done and is doing. They are appalled by that. They realize, at their young ages, that she does not care that her son has wrought incredible pain and change into their lives. She has chosen her son over her grandchildren. So be it. Let the decision stand.

They aren’t even influenced by the fact she put this whole ball into motion when she urged the whore to call her precious boy, knowing their incestuous history. No, they are more upset by the fact that she knows and is okay with what he’s doing.

He also went on to say, “It’s okay, Mom; I always liked your side of the family better.” I thought that was kinda humorous but I was also interested in learning why. Honestly, I figured it would be the other way around.

He told me it was because whenever they were at my mom’s people came over and saw us; we went out and did things. People seemed interested in his life and they were eager to see us. When we were at Tammy Faye’s no one really went out of their way to see us and we basically sat around and did nothing.

To be fair Jezebel did always make it a point to come see us whenever we were in town. Usually  the visit either consisted of her coming over to her mom’s house, or having us over for dinner at her house. So it’s not that she never came over. Plus, a huge part of the reason we didn’t do much was because Tammy Faye was always sickly. She has had two hip replacement surgeries and has COPD. She’s been getting around on a scooter for probably the last ten years or so. That tends to limit where you can go.

My mom seemed incredulous. When we would visit her we would regularly take trips to Chicago, go to the beach, tour museums, go to the park. Hell, when she came out to visit us in Utah with my nephew, and my niece was already out there, we would go on vacation together. And definitely we would make it to the movies, to the amusement park, the water park, hiking, and all over.

The truth is we rarely did anything aside from going out to eat with CF’s side of the family. I remember Jezebel and I taking the kids to a movie once. We went to King’s Island together twice, and we went to a museum once. Jezebel did have us over to her apartment once or twice so the kids could go swimming. But mainly it was visiting at one of the houses, or going out to eat.

He once again pointed out that no one on his dad’s side really knows him, aside from his one aunt (the one who has made his dad’s enemies list). They don’t know what he’s into and what he likes and they don’t really care to go out of their way to find out.

Shockingly he told me he felt more at home and more comfortable with the mobster’s family when we saw them. He pointed out that they talked to him, took an interest in him, and asked him questions.

I thought that was quite insightful. I also think it’s probably very true. The mobster takes an interest in Picasso and what he’s doing. He tells him hello and asks him what he’s up to. He asks his opinion. He wants to know what Picasso is into. Now, this could be because he’s trying to impress me, but I don’t think so.

I’ve said before that none of them try to contact the kids. They do most of their communication on Facebook and Instagram so they can show everyone how wonderful they are. No one on his side of the family has picked up a phone and called either kid. None of them have even really texted either kid, until Tammy Faye was in the hospital and Rock Star got the guilt text. No, they are pretty much out of sight, out of mind. Tammy Faye did write a nice Christmas card to both of them where she told them how much she missed them and wished she could see them.

How does this conversation end? Honestly, I don’t remember. Picasso said what he wanted to say; I listened, and then we went back to eating our food. Tell me again how affairs are private matters between two people only. Sure doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting.

More Musings On His Delusional Text

I’m not going to dwell on this too much because it doesn’t deserve anymore of my time. There were a few things I wanted to touch on though, and I know the original post was getting quite long. I thought it would be much easier to break it up into at least two posts.

The mobster was losing his shit when I first told him about this. He was all set to call him and tell him to knock it off. He wanted me to march down to the police department and file a restraining order as well. He even thought about filing one.

I explained that none of that would make a difference. If anything it would either a. inflame the situation even further, or b. just give him a huge amount of kibbles. He’s not central in my life. Why let him think he is?

My brother was a lot more restrained and I think that helped to reign in the mobster. Document, document, document. Oh, he did tell me I need to get my license to carry and buy a gun and start going to the range. That’s on my To Do list for the weekend. It looks like this:

  1. Put my clothes away
  2. Do laundry (yes, those really are two separate things and I can stand to put clothes away before I actually do laundry)
  3. Get my liquor license so I can bartend on weekends
  4. Pick up the house
  5. Write a couple blog posts
  6. Do something with my kids
  7. Get my license to carry
  8. Buy a gun
  9. Respond to blog comments and FB messages

Fun stuff, huh?

Maybe I’m stupid or sticking my head in the sand, but I’m really not that worried. He hasn’t seen his kids in almost 2 years. He supposedly can’t drive once again, according to his court testimony. He can only drive 6 hours for pussy and murder? I doubt it. Pussy? Obviously. Murder? He’s too lazy to make the effort.

My sister-in-law did talk to a retired police officer she knows about the situation and I’ve been told I can file a report for the harassment he’s been doing, and then seek a no contact order through the courts. I was a little surprised because the rant was to his sister, not me. He didn’t seem overly concerned or think that I was in imminent danger.

My brother has said pretty much the same thing. As long as he’s with Harley I should be safe. If Harley dumps him once the money runs out he thinks I might want to keep a closer watch over my shoulder.

I’ve always thought that if he was going to try to kill me (yes, it has crossed my mind- I used to watch a lot of ID TV) that he would either shoot me from a distance, or he would hire someone. I remember him telling me stories of how he had shot people in Iraq from quite some distance, and much like he’s practically a Ranger, he’s also practically a trained sniper. And a hired hit man? Well, it certainly keeps his hands clean. He is the smartest man you’ll ever come across so he undoubtedly would believe that would be a fail proof plan. My brother, however, doesn’t think CF would try to shoot me from some distance away; nor does he think he would hire someone. If it ever comes to that he believes it will be up close and personal. He’ll either shoot me or potentially stab me. Either way it will be face to face. Or so he believes. Which is why I’m supposed to get a gun and carry it with me at all times. And spend plenty of time at the range.

I also contacted my lawyer to let her know what was going on and to get her opinion. I let her know I had proof he was the one who hacked my account. I told her about the email lists I’m pretty sure he’s signing me up for. I told her about the message to his sister and read a few key parts. She asked me if I was afraid for my life and I told her I wasn’t. She said she could send an email to his attorney and tell her I was going to file a police report if he didn’t knock it off, but that I would be tipping my hand. He probably wouldn’t stop; he would just go further underground and not contact anyone he knew I was communicating with. If he really was going to come after me it would be best if he was doing everything in the open, none the wiser, and I could keep an eye on him somewhat, at least through other people.

Having spent a good many years watching Criminal Minds, and reading books about killers, I am also well aware that people can become unhinged after a stressor in their life. With Tammy Faye being sick and almost dying I do sometimes worry that the loss of his mother will send him around the bend. It’s not an overwhelming fear, but the thought is there. I will be vigilant if it happens.

I know he’s concocted this alternate reality where I’m the villain and he’s the victim. I’m a money hungry, parental alienating monster that emotionally abused him, dismissed his mental health issues, treated him like an ATM machine, and never loved him or took care of him. I pretty much drove him into Harley’s arms. And now I’m destroying another woman’s happy home, causing their children endless amounts of pain because I’ve decided to steal their father for my very own.

Most of it I shrug off. I know the truth. I also know that trying to defend myself against his wild, delusional accusations will all be for naught. He is always the victim. He’s done nothing wrong.

I know that his sister did not help me. We had maybe four or five conversations throughout the entire divorce. I clearly remember the first one because it was right after she sent me the message telling me she would always consider me family, and her saying that all he had told her was that I had filed for divorce and he didn’t know why. You can bet your ass I called her up and set the record straight. Oh hell no! He was not going to get to act like the victim.

I remember talking to her at least one other time where she told me he had told her I had thrown all of his things away and I refused to let him take anything from the house.

Aside from that it was a random, “Happy New Year” or “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Mother’s Day” text. Hardly earth shattering and ultimate betrayal type stuff. Certainly not bad enough to be put on a very exclusive enemies list!

She told him from the beginning that he was going to pay a very steep price for leaving me after twenty years of marriage and me being a stay at home mom who had followed him all over the country. I already knew that; it was certainly nothing she clued me in to. I had talked to a lawyer two days after finding out what he was up to. I knew what I was entitled to. He’s the one that didn’t believe her. He’s the one that didn’t do his homework and then lied to his attorney so he wasn’t given the full picture of what he would be paying.

I don’t regret my relationship with the mobster at all. I do regret the fact that I gave Cousinfucker even a tiny little opening to assuage his guilt, if it can even be called that. Sociopaths don’t have guilt.

He can use the fact that two years after he’s caught cheating on me I am finally with someone who treats me the way he should have all those years, and try to twist it as though I’m doing the exact same thing he did. Between him and Batshit Crazy they can convince themselves that I’m a man stealing home wrecker. He can try to sell this idea that I deserved every shitty thing he did to me because I’m a home wrecking whore, not some innocent victim.

It bothers me a little bit. Because I have a conscience! But overall, I’m good. I know the truth. I know that both of us were living separately from our cheating spouses who were living with their affair partners. I know that both of us were already into the divorce process before we met.

Unlike CF and Harley I never posted about me and the mobster on social media. I never talked about our relationship to anyone who knew CF. I was perfectly content for the mobster to be a secret from CF forever. Let him think I was miserable and alone. He found out about it when he hacked my Facebook page. Sadly, short of me refusing to entertain the thought of any contact with another male for the almost 2 1/2 years it took for my divorce to be final, there was nothing I could have done. When we started texting I never planned for it to turn into what it did; I had no intentions of this turning into a relationship. I figured we would text a few times and that would be it. It would be platonic and probably short lived, seeing as how all it was was texting. I suppose that’s what CF thought I deserved- to be alone forever, pining for him and mourning the loss of my old life.

Believe me- I did pine. Never for him because I was done with him after he cheated again. I did mourn the loss of my old life. I mourned what happened to my children. I freaked out over my financial situation, especially considering Mr. Genius didn’t think paying support was a necessity. In the end though I did as Winston Churchill advised: I found myself in Hell and I just kept going. He can’t stand the fact that I didn’t fall apart, that he wasn’t able to destroy me. I think he’s really pissed that I have found someone else and that I’m happy. I think he wanted me to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Now that he realizes that’s not going to happen he’s enraged. I’m sure the fact that I won’t keep my mouth shut doesn’t help matters either.

Yes, I’ve poked the bear a bit. You know what? I’m going to keep poking when I feel like it. I’m going to keep posting my happy pictures of me and the mobster. CF and Harley got to do it for two years while I was living a nightmare. They were told constantly how happy they looked and how they deserved it. Happiness looks good on you! Love you both! You deserve happiness. Those were all comments I got to see, made to the two people who were engaged and living together, having demolished my life and the lives of my kids. Now it’s my turn. Suck it, buttercup! If you don’t want to see the happy couple then stay off my Facebook page.

I’m also going to text him next Wednesday if I don’t have a check by then. If he gets shitty with me? He’s going to get a text very similar to this:

Your behavior has caused me to repeatedly have to take legal action in order to get you to do the right thing. I would think what with you being a genius and all that you would be able to foresee the consequences of your poor behavior. 

I realize you don’t see it this way but I have been a dream ex-wife. I didn’t publicly out you or toss you out of the house. I don’t harass you. I don’t contact you. I have left you alone to live out your ultimate fantasy- living with your soul mate/cousin who brings you so much happiness, at one point working side by side with your best friend, and residing in Kentucky near your mommy and your sister so you can see them anytime you want. 

You wanted to pay bi-weekly instead of in a monthly lump sum; I agreed even though I didn’t need to. I have never demanded payment on the due date, or even harangued you for payment. And yet you continue to try to play games. You continue to try to mess with me, and by extension, your children. Very well. I can see that I will once again have to be the adult and put an end to this silliness. When your employer contacts you to let you know that you have a garnishment order against you, remember you brought this upon yourself.

That’s really what this all comes down to, doesn’t it? He’s pissed that he has to pay me sufficient support instead of that $1500/month bullshit he wanted.

So why am I not surprised that you support a disgusting whore and aided her in getting the maximum money possible from me.

Why do I not get the full credit for having made sure he paid the maximum money possible? And, not to pick but I do feel the need to make a point of clarification: I did not get the maximum amount possible. We asked for $4000 in spousal support alone; I got $2800. The judge could have imputed his wages at $236,000; he ignored the bonus and stock options and imputed at $170,000.

She never helped me with anything! Certainly not in obtaining “the maximum money possible”! She didn’t act as a character witness for me. She didn’t feed me incriminating information. She didn’t disown him. She simply remained in my life because she loves my kids.

No, he’s just mad because the judge didn’t buy his bullshit. He’s angry because he and Harley might feel the pinch finally, and the party is over. How dare I let him feel the impact of this divorce? How dare anyone hold him accountable for his shitty decisions and poor choices?

You know the really sad part? He did all of this because he deserved to be happy. In the end I’m the happy one. I had accepted that he might get away with financial rape. I had sadly accepted the fact that my lifestyle has taken a huge hit. As the mobster would ask, “Are we going to be happy?” The answer was a resounding, “Yes!” We’re going to live in that cardboard box and we’re going to beg on the streets and go for coffee later and we’re still going to be happy, because we’re together.

Compare that to CF and Harley. Together they bring home over $11,000 plus whatever she gets for child support. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that they have around $12,000/month to call their own. Once he pays me they still have at least $6700 left over (and I’m not counting her child support which she will get for at least another 8 years; I’m also not counting the times he gets paid three times a month). He still bitches and whines. Yes, he has to pay me a very large chunk of his salary. For now.

Why not look at it like this? First of all, he will get a “pay raise” in June and he will have anywhere from $400-$800 more to call his own. Conversely I will have $400-$800 LESS to call my own. In another three years he will be completely finished with child support and will be paying only $2800/month, or $1292.31 every other week. Meanwhile, I’m sure good ol’ Harley will get annual increases in salary. CF will get annual increases in salary, if he doesn’t flat out get another job. Sure, I can get an annual increase as well but seeing as how I make a fifth of what he makes and around a fourth of what she makes, it stands to reason my salary isn’t going to increase as quickly. Regardless, even if everything stayed the same, in a little over three years they would be living on approximately $8400/month while I live on less than $3600/month. Which one of us should be whining about money? I’m pretty sure it should be me but I’m not. He should be doing the happy dance but he’s not.

Second of all, does the genius not realize he can go out and get another job making up to $170,000 and it won’t affect his support at all? He was imputed at that income! If he were willing to move he could easily make anywhere from $1000-$3000 more per month and that would all go in his pocket. Or at least the family coffers.

The fact he made poor financial decisions throughout this entire process is not my problem. I guess he thought he would take it all and I would be left with nothing. Hey, according to him I wasn’t smart enough to figure out where the vast majority of the money was so he should be happy, right?

Joke’s on you, Cousinfucker; I don’t care if you squirreled money away. You’re still a miserable human being who will never be satisfied. You blew up an entire family for your happiness and you’re still unhappy. I’m living a whole different life and living on a whole lot less money but I’m the one who is happy. I’ve got my kids, my family and friends, my mobster, and my freedom. I’m good. No, I’m great. Suck it, you evil bastard.

 

Aaaannnnd… He’s Lost His Ever Loving Mind

I’m going to be honest. I was going to post this last night but I had already written Banging My Head Against a Brick Wall, and after what I’m going to post tonight there’s no way in hell I will ever be willing to help that sociopath get closer to my children.

He has lost his damn mind. Seriously! According to the one sister of his that I still occasionally talk to she has been reaching out to him all this time and he has been rebuffing her efforts. He has closed her off because she’s not telling him he’s wonderful and he had every right to toss his wife and kids aside for his side piece ho. According to her she told him he was going to lose his ass in this divorce. He didn’t believe her. She has told him repeatedly that she doesn’t agree with what he did or how he went about it, and she certainly doesn’t approve of what he’s done to his kids by walking away.

Now I will admit I have been poking the bear somewhat. Only in the sense that the bear would have to be actively looking for me. Okay, full disclosure. Once the divorce was final I changed my name on Facebook and announced to the world of Facebook precisely what he did- namely that he cheated on me after moving across the country, that he moved out of the house without saying a word to his kids, and that we lost everything thanks to him. That’s the very condensed version.

Again, the bear would have to be checking out my Facebook page. Oh yeah, did I mention I set that post to “Public”? I did. I decided that if the bear wants to snoop, the bear is going to get an eyeful.

His sister replied to that post and basically said no one deserved to be treated the way that the kids and I had been treated.

Over the next few days I again publicly posted some pictures of the mobster and me. Some with all of us. I even posted that I was in a relationship with him. Again, his sister replied and congratulated me.

Less than a week ago we were messaging through Facebook. It was fairly benign stuff. Again she told me how she disagreed with how he had handled things. We talked about her new life, the mobster, things having to do with the divorce.

Then last night she calls me and tells me she got a delusional, ranting message from him. She wasn’t kidding. I swear to God, he is losing it. What follows is some of the most disordered crap I’ve ever heard out of him.

Some people would be surprised by the complete and utter betrayal of a family member. I on the other hand would expect nothing less from you. I mean it is a fact that you abandoned me as a child of 5 all alone while running off to Florida. It is a fact that your ex-husband did federal prison time for trafficking cocaine and you had no issue with that. It is fact that you stole a car from your father after he delivered it to you in Atlanta. It is fact that you held up the estate of your father for pure greed and lust for money that was not yours. You know that tile is bullshit. So why am I not surprised that you support a disgusting whore and aided her in getting the maximum money possible from me. You never asked my side of the events, you only saw that maybe you could get some money out of her. Good luck. She is smarter than you. I hope you enjoy your victory. Never doubt what I am capable of. Never doubt that neither of you was smart enough to find the vast majority of what you were looking for. I am the smartest person you will ever come across. And now you have joined the list of my enemies. That is a very exclusive list. Rot in hell bitch. I will finish you off as well!!

Oh and by the way the cunt you are supporting is now engaged in an adulterous relationship with her boyfriend. He is not divorced. He hasn’t even filed. So all the bad done to her… boo hoo… is now being perpetuated on another family.

I hope you can sleep at night. Better learn how to accomplish that with one eye open. My vengeance will be felt by all.

Feel free to use a dictionary to translate some of the words here. I tried to dumb it down as much as possible, but there is only so much a genius can do to speak to the plebes.

He’s insane! I mean, seriously, insane. Who in the hell goes around telling people that they are the smartest person you will ever come across?

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Some people would be surprised by the complete and utter betrayal of a family member. I on the other hand would expect nothing less from you.

Yes, because we all know how much family means to you. On one hand, you like to fuck your cousin. On the other hand, you’ve abandoned your kids. I wonder how they label what you’ve done to them?

I mean it is a fact that you abandoned me as a child of 5 all alone while running off to Florida. It is a fact that your ex-husband did federal prison time for trafficking cocaine and you had no issue with that. It is fact that you stole a car from your father after he delivered it to you in Atlanta. It is fact that you held up the estate of your father for pure greed and lust for money that was not yours. You know that tile is bullshit.

It is a fact that 78% of all NFL players are bankrupt two years after finishing their careers. It is a fact that male koalas have two penises. It is a fact that a snail can sleep for more than three years at a time.

So why am I not surprised that you support a disgusting whore and aided her in getting the maximum money possible from me.

Oh hell no! You did not just go there. I’m a disgusting whore? I think you’re describing your cousin, your sister, and your mother. Take that plank out of your own eye, dude!

You never asked my side of the events, you only saw that maybe you could get some money out of her. Good luck. She is smarter than you.

Well, thanks for that. At least I’m smarter than her! But why on earth would she ever think I would be giving her money? That’s your paranoia. You’re not rational.

While we’re dissecting this small piece of mental instability I’d like to point out that you’re lying again. You’ve told her countless versions of your truth. Don’t you remember telling her I filed for divorce and you had no idea why? Or telling her I put all of your things in black trash bags and took them out to the curb to put in the trash? Or that I refused to let you take anything from the house? She has repeatedly reached out to you and you’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell her “your side” of events. All of which, I’m sure, boils down to: Waaaah! My mean ex-wife had a public Facebook page where she wrote her feelings about my whore and my family after I betrayed her. Can you believe she wouldn’t just forget everything and act like nothing had happened?

I hope you enjoy your victory. Never doubt what I am capable of.

Is it just me or is that a threat?

Never doubt that neither of you was smart enough to find the vast majority of what you were looking for.

Well good! I’m sure your lawyer would love to hear that while you pay her a measly $50 a week to get current you are sitting on a vast pile of wealth. Would I be correct in assuming that you will no longer whine about poverty and how you can’t possibly pay me what has been ordered? I mean, afterall, you are so smart and you managed to tuck so much away. I’m sure the judge would love to hear about all the money you pilfered away as well. I’m not nearly as smart as you but I’m very certain that when the opposing counsel asks for documents in discovery and you decline to provide them you are breaking the law. So keep up the bragging. At some point you’re either going to end up in jail or you’re going to have to eat your words.

I’m also thinking that lust for money you accused your sister of is a bit of projection on your part. You’re just pissed because you’ve got to pay me more than you wanted to.

I am the smartest person you will ever come across.

Again, who says crap like this?

And now you have joined the list of my enemies. That is a very exclusive list. Rot in hell bitch. I will finish you off as well!!

Ah, another threat! Fear the enemies list! It is, however, quite exclusive so pat yourself on the back for achieving such a high honor.

Oh and by the way the cunt you are supporting is now engaged in an adulterous relationship with her boyfriend. He is not divorced. He hasn’t even filed. So all the bad done to her… boo hoo… is now being perpetuated on another family.

First of all, FUCK YOU with your “so all the bad done to her… boo hoo…” bullshit. Bad was done to me. You did it, you arrogant fuck.

Second, you are once again talking out of your ass. Yes, according to Virginia law I’m in an adulterous relationship. However, I will once again point out for those who aren’t victim morphing psychopaths, that his wife LEFT HIM. She had been cheating on him for months. She had been disappearing for days at a time before this. She moved in with her boyfriend. Much like the ex with whom I deal she walked out of the house without saying a word to her kids.

Furthermore, he was all set to get divorced ahead of schedule. Talked to her about going through a “do it yourself” divorce. She agreed. All that needed to be done was for her to sign the property settlement agreement. They had someone willing to swear that they had been separated for a year. When it came time to sign the papers, she wouldn’t do it. So yes, he has filed. He has paid an attorney to draw all this crap up. I’ve seen the damn text messages between the two of them where he’s asking her to sign, asking her what she wants, and she just ignores it. She’s as disordered as Cousinfucker. No wonder they’re such great friends.

I am NOT like you. I am not like Harley. I have not done a damn thing to another family. He was never fucking around behind her back with me. My “husband” was living in another state with his precious whore cousin when I met the mobster.

You know the funny thing? When it was obvious that things were going to get serious between me and the mobster I told him two things. First, I told him she would be sniffing around once again when she realized he was involved with someone else. Secondly, I told him it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if she started trying to sell this bullshit story of me being the other woman and they would be happily reconciled if not for me.

I hope you can sleep at night. Better learn how to accomplish that with one eye open. My vengeance will be felt by all.

BAER. Yet another threat. Blah, blah, blah. Vengeance is mine… blah, blah, blah. Try another line, you whiny baby.

Feel free to use a dictionary to translate some of the words here. I tried to dumb it down as much as possible, but there is only so much a genius can do to speak to the plebes.

Off the rails much? Hey, I don’t begrudge you your moment of superiority.

Do you need a dictionary to look that word up, genius?

Why Are You So Obsessed With Me?

Mean Girls, right? That’s what I want to ask Cousinfucker and Harley. Why are you so obsessed with me and what I’m doing? First, he hacks my FB page. I have no doubt it was one of them now.

“Bob” told me the other evening that CF had sent him a strongly worded message, taking him to task for the things he had said about Jezebel and Pastor Fake in our private conversations on FB messenger. So yeah, he was rooting around. Don’t know how. Don’t care.

Then he sends the mobster text messages, congratulating him on our “engagement” and telling him he’s seen naked pictures of me all over the Internet.

He goes out of his way to print images on his envelopes to me, thinking somehow I am going to be offended by being called a grinch or a robber. Hint: I’m not. It just gives me more stuff to write about and mock him for.

Now he’s signing me up for all these random, stupid things like female sex enhancement products and raw, natural made products.

And, this may just be a weird coincidence but I’ve had two friend requests from widowed men, both of whom are from out of the country but now live in the U.S.

That’s not even taking into account the text messages he’s bombarding Rock Star with, the fact that he’s been in contact with the mobster’s STBX, or that he’s trying to paint false equivalencies between the two of us.

I know it’s a small thing in the overall picture. I should let it go. He’s trying to goad me into a reaction and the best reaction I can possibly give him is no reaction at all. That must really piss him off. But there are definitely times I want to poke that bear. Hard!

Several people have said it’s turning into harassment. I continue to debate whether or not it’s worth it to say something to my lawyer and get some kind of restraining order, or if I just need to push it to the side and ignore it.

Chump Lady maintains they only have three channels- rage, pity and charm. So far I’ve seen lots of pity and some moderate amounts of rage. I’m not sure what stalking falls under. Rage, perhaps? When do I get charm? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

Another Text

I don’t know what it is with these people. Are they desperate for a response? Upset I won’t play? Love drama?

Rock Star was contacted by her dad and Pastor Fake days after Christmas. Both wanted to let her know that Tammy Faye was in the hospital; she has been put on dialysis because her kidneys are failing. I believe it was Pastor Fake who went so far as to tell her that he was letting her know so that she wouldn’t have any regrets. My daughter told me she was very tempted to write back: I won’t.

Jeez Louise, people! You help destroy this kid’s life and instead of, oh, I don’t know, apologizing, you try to pile on the guilt!

When her dad was doing his, “I know you hate me but your grandmother has done nothing to you!” routine, Rock Star replied to me, “She has, too! She set this all in motion, and even if she hadn’t she’s still okay with what he’s doing.”

Rock on, Rock Star! As she told me, “Sorry you’re just now learning about consequences.”

That’s what it all boils down to, isn’t it? They all want to be free to make whatever choices they want, whatever makes them feel good. Then when things don’t work out quite like they expected they play poor me and expect everyone to feel sorry for them and tell them everything is forgiven.

Tammy Faye chose to support her son. She, a confessed Christian who couldn’t skip a day of church, chose to support her son while he cheated on me. She happily tagged along to a funeral where CF introduced the whore as his new fiancee, knowing full well that I was completely unaware of what was going on. She chose to continue a relationship with the whore even knowing about their emotional affair from 2013. She chose her son and his whore and the whore’s kids over her own grandchildren. Each. And. Every. Time.

So Tammy Faye, I hope for your sake that the whore is visiting regularly. I hope she brings her kids to the hospital and they call you Granny and tell you how much they love you. I hope that in the end when you realize your two flesh and blood grandchildren aren’t anywhere around while you’re dying that you still feel like the payoff was worth it. I hope you’re able to come to the end of your life, look around the room, and say with sincerity, “Yes, it was all worth it. I sacrificed Rock Star and Picasso but I have my son, his gold digging whore, and her four kids in exchange. I came out ahead in the deal.” Because if not? Sorry to say that’s how consequences work.

With Miracles Comes Drama

You knew there had to be a catch, didn’t you?

CF struck again. I was telling Rock Star that Christmas was going to be a little lean but that once I had my money I would get her the more expensive gift she wanted. That’s when she informed me her dad had sent her a text the day before, letting her know that I had received my child and spousal support in full.

I know what you’re thinking. You must be imagining him as a jolly Christmas elf, spreading Christmas cheer! Don’t worry, Rock Star! Daddy has come through for you. You’re going to have a great Christmas because I finally did the right thing and paid your mom the court ordered support I owe her. I didn’t spend it all on my home wrecker cousin and her brood before taking a look at what was left over and then sending some your way. No, baby doll, it’s Christmas! I want you and your brother to be happy and to have everything you want this year!  The sky’s the limit!  It’s going to be like Christmases of yesterday. Daddy loves you and misses you and I hope we can use this holiday season to bridge the gap between us because it’s killing me to not have you and your brother in my life!

Of course, you would be wrong. Basically, he was telling her he wouldn’t be sending a gift her way because I was taking all his money. How was it he put it? Your mother should be buying you some really nice gifts because I’m paying her $4600/month and will be for the rest of my life.

There are so many things wrong with that. Where do I even begin? Let’s start with this: He made my kid cry. That sad sack sonofabitch with his “poor me” routine and utter obliviousness to what he’s put his own children through, made my kid cry. Fuck him!

Or how about the obvious lie he told- I’m paying her $4600/month and will be for the rest of my life. He will not be paying me $4600/month for the rest of his life. His support amount will go down in June when she graduates. It will go down again once Picasso graduates in another 3 1/2 years. After both kids are 18 he will be paying only his $2800 in spousal support and even that is not for life, unless he has a terminal illness I’m not aware of. It will last for 16 years. Hardly a life time. Hell, we were married longer than that.

I won’t even fault him for telling her that he sent the support. I’m a big proponent of telling the kids the truth, especially when they’re teens. I don’t care if they know how much I get from him each month. I’d planned on going over our budget with them later next month anyway.

I do fault him for acting like the hapless victim once again. Not once in this long text message did he ever ask her how she was doing. He never apologized for his behavior or his choices. He didn’t even tell her that he loved her.

No. You know what he did do? He told her he knew that she hated him but “her mother was doing the exact same thing.”

I was right. He somehow hacked my FB page and he’s been talking to the mobster’s STBX. I don’t know who contacted whom but I know they’ve been talking. How do I know this?

CF proceeded to tell my daughter that my “boyfriend” was still married and that he had physically abused his wife. He knew this was true because he heard it directly out of her mouth. We all know how truthful lying cheaters are. Throw in alcoholism on top of that and you’ve got yourself a fantastic inside source.

Yes, I’m doing exactly the same thing that Cousinfucker and Harley did. I’m sneaking around behind my husband’s back, letting him think that we are happily married and I’m committed to him and only him, while I fuck around with another man. I’m letting him think I’m going through a mental breakdown and while he’s telling me he’s going to stand by me and won’t ever leave me I’m making plans with the help of my mommy to dump his ass for my cousin. I’m taking marital funds and spending it on another man and his kids while letting my own kids go without. In fact, I didn’t announce this on my blog but I’ve recently vacated my home and moved in with the mobster all without saying a single word to my kids. I just got in the car one day, went to work, and then moved out of state.

Likewise, the mobster is sneaking around behind his wife’s back, telling her how much he loves her and wants to remain married, while he messes around with me.

That’s a little difficult when she’s living with another man! Not just any man either. The man she fucked around on him with. The man she introduced their daughter to as a benign friend. The man who had the balls to talk to the mobster like nothing was going on while he fucked his wife behind his back. The man she fucking left him for and promptly moved in with all without saying a fucking word to him or his kids. Sound familiar?

Those two nincompoops are so caught up in their poor me, I’m such a victim, why is this all happening to innocent little ol’ me mentality that they really think it is the same thing.

Fuck them both! Yes, I am still married, and so is the mobster. I no longer give a shit. We are the cheated on spouses. They lied to us, they betrayed us, they humiliated us. THEY left US. THEY are both living with OTHER PEOPLE and have been since the day they left our homes.

I am NOT the other woman. I did not traipse into someone else’s intact marriage and say, “Oooh, I want that!” His ex had already moved in with her married boyfriend. She had left him two months before I ever knew he existed. He had already begun taking the steps to file for divorce.

And what in the hell is with the abuse narrative that all these cheating women come up with? She’s not the first I’ve heard of. Hell, watch an episode of ID TV and you’ll hear it over and over. It’s not enough that she leaves him. It’s not enough that she leaves her kids behind without saying a word. No, now she has to malign him and try to assassinate his character.

For the grand finale he begged her to call her grandmother, good ol’ Tammy Faye, the orchestrator of this lovely affair-y tale. It was something along the lines of: I know you hate me but she’s done nothing to you. She’s going crazy not seeing you. She loves you and misses you.

Yes, she misses her grandchildren so much that she doesn’t bother reaching out to them. Oh, she used to comment on Rock Star’s Facebook page. Until Rock Star unfriended her. And she sent Picasso a Christmas card with a similar message, telling him how much she misses him and sure wishes she could see him again. She’ll send a birthday card and a Christmas card, but aside from that… nothing.

Any of them could get in the car and drive up here to see their beloved grandchildren/niece/nephew, but none of them do. Why not? Because it’s too much of an inconvenience. Much better to expect me to drive them, or to have my brand new driver make the 5-6 hour drive, right?

One final detail. He told her he had no way of contacting her brother as he didn’t have his phone number.

Huh. That’s strange. Picasso has had the same number since he got his first phone. How does he not have the phone number because he sure as hell had it 2 years ago?

Thankfully Rock Star saw through her dad’s bullshit. She said she thought about texting him back, calling him on his lies, but she decided it wasn’t worth it. She was smart enough to see it for what it was- yet another ploy for sympathy. As she said, “Sorry you’re just now experiencing consequences!” She pointed out that he never once asked about her and her well being, only lamented his own. He still doesn’t seem to get that he ruined her life- twice! First, making her move from Utah, destroying everything she knew there, and then making her leave Virginia and forcing her to leave behind her new life she built. She’s pissed and she has every right to be.

She also brought up the fact that her grandmother is not without fault. Tammy Faye did do something to her- she urged the whore to call her father. Even if that hadn’t happened she still condones what her dad and the whore are doing and Rock Star won’t forgive her for that. There are consequences for your actions, and unfortunately Tammy Faye is just now learning that. There’s that ugly word again. And I’m sure it never dawns on them that any of this is a direct result of their own bad choices. No, it’s all horrible things being done to them, these loving, sweet Christians who are so good and kind and do nothing wrong.

As for me and the mobster, well, she pretty much said the exact same thing I just said. It’s not the same thing. She knows his wife left him. She knows he would be divorced if his wife didn’t refuse to sign the papers. She knows he isn’t abusive.

I’m going to go off on a little tangent here and then bring it back and conclude this. This crap is exactly why you tell the kids the truth in age appropriate language. It’s why you report the facts and don’t editorialize. I’ve heard of way too many people who have taken the so called high road and had it backfire on them horribly- kids blaming them for divorcing their other parent, kids being persuaded by the cheating parent that the betrayed spouse is crazy or had it coming, the affair partner being benignly introduced to the kids as just someone new. It’s total crap. Tell them the truth or the cheater is going to be busy filling their head with lies.

These people aren’t content with cheating, lying, and leaving you. They want to destroy you, and they have no problem with lying over and over again if it makes them look good and makes you look bad. Get the facts out there because if you don’t, I assure you, the cheater will be getting their own version of what happened out there.

That’s why I’ve shut that shit down every single time I’ve had it happen. His sister messaged me to say I would always be a part of her family because I was the mother of her niece and nephew. Upon talking to her she told me all she had been told by her brother was that I had had him served with divorce papers and he was clueless as to why that may be. You can bet your ass I was on the phone immediately, filling her in. I didn’t editorialize. I simply told the truth: He’s having an affair with Harley again. That’s why I filed. He knows exactly why I filed for divorce.

Later on when she said he had told her he had been kicked out of the house and that I refused to let him take any of the household items with him I told her he had never asked for anything and that we were unaware he was moving out.

I didn’t call him an asshole or a liar in either of those situations. I simply corrected misinformation.

When his good friend from high school told me he had never known CF to lie I calmly listed the many lies he had told me. Again, I didn’t put him down; I corrected misinformation.

In conclusion, I’m doing my best to not let this get to me. I find it very creepy that CF and Batshit Crazy are talking to one another. Between the two of them they wouldn’t recognize the truth if it hit them square in the ass. They both love to play the victim while they go about victimizing people. They’ve both abandoned their kids and cheated on their spouse. I’m sure they are egging each other on.

On the other hand, once my divorce decree is signed, sealed, and delivered, I don’t give a shit what they talk about. They can pop popcorn and sit around a fire, trying to outdo one another with their crazy stories of their horrible ex. I’m not sure if Harley would participate or if she would just be pissed that her true love has a new bestie.

Rock Star seems convinced that he’s pissed that I’ve moved on. I’m not sure I believe that. I don’t really know what’s motivating him right now. Mainly, I think he’s just pissed he got his ass handed to him by the judge so he’s lashing out. He probably thought he had hit the mother lode when he realized I was dating again, and when he found the STBX of the man I was dating. Sorry, Charlie! Move along; nothing to see here. Don’t you have a whore to fuck?

A Christmas Miracle

I got my alimony check! In full! It is a Christmas miracle.

I was out shopping yesterday when my mother called to tell me I had received a check. “Guess how much?” she asked me. I groaned and replied, “Fifty dollars?” Nope! He actually sent me the whole amount.

Turns out there’s more to the story than just that but it’s going to have to wait for another day. We have a house full of family so it’s time to socialize with them instead of hanging out on my blog. Have a Merry Christmas!