PAS, Falling In Love, & Other Excuses, Part 2

Oh where to begin? Let’s take it from the beginning.

I fell in love with a married man. I did not go out of my way to do this. We worked together. It was not an office job; it was a hands on job where our communication skills and our compassion were demonstrated daily. We had similar values, similar ways of managing situations, similar musical tastes and most importantly we found laughter in all types of situations. So without any fault or any planning we were automatically drawn to each other and fell in love.

Oy and vey. You fell in love with a married man but you want kudos because you didn’t go out of your way to do so? Are you the better type of home wrecking whore?

Who me? I’m not like that tramp Rebecca; she goes out hunting for other women’s husbands! I was just sitting there… No! I was just out toiling in the mud and grime at my hands on job when suddenly I fell madly in love with Patricia’s husband. How could we resist one another? We have similar values (i.e. none) and similar ways of managing situations (conflict avoidance, cheating, lying, being a terrible person). And hey, we both love John Mayer and jazz. It was a love story for the ages! Did I mention the most important thing? We both find laughter in all types of situations. Like destroying another human’s life, cheating on a spouse, and financially raping our partner of many years. We howl with laughter at those situations! It’s not our fault!

Yet she goes on to explain:

Friendly funny texts in our own time became a little flirty. He told me nothing would happen as he was married. I said I understood. I honestly did not think anything would happen; nor did I really want it to happen as he had children.

Yeah, see this is where you went wrong. When your texts with your married co-worker become flirty it’s time to step away from the phone. You are entering dangerous territory. You can no longer say it was out of your control. You saw the fire and you walked right up to it and put your hand in it.

What a noble thing for your married co-worker to tell you. Nothing will happen because he’s married. That’s your cue to dance a little harder for him. Yes, he’ll send you sext messages telling you everything he’d like to do to you… if only he weren’t married, but that’s all okay because the penis isn’t in contact with the vagina. You two are golden!

As time went on it was obvious we were meant to be together. Not a kiss or a handhold happened until one day he came to me and told me he had told his wife about me. He would not have an affair and came clean to his wife. He had too much respect for everyone involved to be untruthful and live a lie. The morality of his actions impressed me and made me respect and love him even more. This was a man who would always be truthful even in such difficult circumstances.

Bullshit! You two were already engaged in an emotional affair. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t fuck you until after he told his wife. The fact that your relationship progressed to this point without his wife having any clue that you existed or that you had taken such a prominent role in his life is proof that he knew what he was doing was wrong. The entire time he was sending you flirty texts and becoming emotionally involved with you he was being untruthful and living a lie.

Of course you find his behavior charming and impressive. He picked YOU! I hope you will be equally impressed when he is truthful with you and lets you know months afterwards that he’s fallen in love with yet another hands on co-worker who loves John Mayer and jazz.

I think my favorite part though was this little gem:

Never have people said to us, “You’re a terrible person and you should have stayed in that unhappy marriage,” or you should have “left that married man alone.”

Wow! The entitlement is strong with this one. I don’t know. Maybe you just hang around with people who have no sense of right or wrong. Maybe everyone in your life is as flamingly entitled as you. Or, maybe they are simply so gobsmacked when you prance around, happily bragging about your true love/soul mate affair they don’t have the words to express their astonishment. Sometimes when people don’t say things like, “You immoral whore!” or “You cowardly bastard!” or “I hope karma fucks you both up the ass with a cactus,” it’s not because they approve; it’s because they realize you’re too stupid to understand that they are disgusted with you.

She follows that up with some more excuse making drivel:

We live in an age now where we no longer have to stay in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships. It’s acceptable and it’s common. People separate. Life goes on. But as parents we are meant to protect our children’s feelings throughout any difficulties.

Oh boy! I ask again, where do I even begin with this bullshit? Yes, Virginia, we do live in an age where we no longer have to stay in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships. That does not mean, however, it’s okay to cheat on your spouse. Or to send naughty texts to your co-worker who shares your sense of humor and taste in music. There is a right way and a wrong way to end a relationship. Your “partner” chose the wrong way.

I know this is going to sound crazy but some people even choose to try to fix their relationships. Of course, when you’re trying to bang your co-worker that puts up a really big obstacle. Very few marriages are repaired when one partner has decided to check out and focus on another person.

I find it sad that you think it’s acceptable and common to leave your spouse. The fact that you can blithely throw away a long term marriage with children astounds me. You are willing to tell yourself anything to justify what you have done.

The sad thing is this woman has a child from a previous relationship. I don’t know if she was married. I don’t know if she left her child’s father for her current partner. It doesn’t really matter. I just find it very sad that she so casually tosses out, “Life goes on,” as though it’s no big deal to completely gut your children’s lives.

Then we get to the real point she wants us to understand. This one is the most important thing of all! As parents we are meant to protect our children’s feelings throughout any difficulties.

What she really means is: As the duped spouse it’s your responsibility to lie and gaslight your children so your cheating spouse, aka my Prince Charming, comes off looking like a hero. Please shut up about any injustices. Please continue to tell them what a swell guy he is. It is your solemn duty to say sweet things about me and to encourage your children to have a relationship with me. Stop crying, put a smile on your face, and tell them that everything is going to be okay and if it’s not all okay it’s all your fault. Hey, life goes on. People separate all the time. It’s common and acceptable and no one is calling me a home wrecking whore or telling us that we’re horrible people so I/we must be doing everything right.

Life is not black and white. It’s grey and if you look out for them you’ll notice snippets of rainbow colors. Of course, my partner’s ex can vilify and hate me as much as she wishes. To her I am a “skank” and that is fine with me. I “stole” her husband.

Ah yes, the ol’ “life is not black and white; it’s grey.” Maybe life isn’t black and white. Cheating on your spouse is still wrong. Using the lame ass excuse that you were oh so unhappy and that justifies cheating and lying is still wrong. Again I say, if you are so damn unhappy then either fix it or get out but for the love of all that’s holy please stop justifying your bad behavior because you had a case of the sadz. When you wait until there’s some other hole to fill before you finally extricate yourself from your sad, sad relationship you are just making excuses.

The “snippets of rainbow colors” was a nice touch. What color is whore? Does it come in various shades?

I’m sure your cheating partner’s ex is so thankful that you will allow her to vilify and hate you. Like she needs your permission. You do love being central to everything, don’t you? Likewise, I’m sure you are fine being labeled a skank. You seem to have no shame or any sense of decency so any criticism directed your way simply runs off your back.

But ultimately she needs to deal with that in her own way. Drink, cry, exercise, join a group, take up a hobby, change her hair.

You are a condescending little twat waffle. You do have a point though. I think the wife should get a new hobby. I hope it’s sharp shooting.

PAS, Falling In Love, & Other Excuses, Part 1

I recently came across a blog post about parental alienation. I’m not going to link to it because I find the author to be a mindless little twit who excuses her whoring around because “love”.

I’m going to tackle this in two separate posts because there is so much to say about this. Today I’m going to explore the PAS angle.

Before I begin let me say I do believe that parental alienation is real. I believe it’s rare but I believe it’s real. Unfortunately, I think a lot of crappy parents hide behind it as an excuse as to why they have no relationship with their kids. It’s nothing they’ve done. It’s what the ex has done. It’s not their bad behavior or shitty choices. It’s the ex alienating the kids. It’s gotten so bad some parents are actually forbidden from telling their kids the truth because the other parent can claim parental alienation. Yes, apparently telling your child the truth instead of lying to them to make mommy or daddy look good is alienating the child. Golly, life is so difficult when your betrayed spouse refuses to be your PR agent any longer.

Let me give you a bit of backstory here. The writer is the girlfriend of a man who claims his ex has alienated his children. The ex is bitter and angry (ah, key words there; anyone recognize them?) because Daddy Dearest has left her for his mindless twit of a co-worker. The kids say they don’t want anything to do with him but that’s not really them speaking; it’s their mother. She emotionally abuses them every day. The emotional abuse comes in the form of brainwashing them to believe their loving father wants nothing to do with them, not letting people who support the affair see the kids, and not hiding the financial devastation they have encountered due to Daddy’s choice to leave and go be with his soul mate.

So much of what this person writes could be written by CF. I’m sure that is his spin on everything that has happened. I have no doubt that’s the story his family tells. Oh, we never get to see our grandchildren because their mother won’t let them visit. Hell, his attorney had it written into our settlement agreement that I wouldn’t interfere in their relationship. Oh yes, dipshit! That’s why the kids have nothing to do with their father. It’s because I’m interfering. It has absolutely nothing to do with his behavior- the fact that he walked out the door without saying a word, the fact that he doesn’t support them, the fact that they were forced to move out of the family home and in with their grandmother. Nope! It’s all me.

That’s the story these people have to tell themselves. Consequences? What are consequences and why on earth would you assume that I will suffer them?

She goes on to talk about another divorce situation, one that involved her childhood friend. She writes:

The children’s mother would openly make disparaging remarks about the father to her friends in full earshot of the children. She would then scold herself and pretend she should not make these comments as they would influence the children. Rolling her eyes when his name was mentioned or reminding everyone who would listen that they were short of money and had to “go without” knowing this would reinforce the children’s beliefs it was due to their father’s departure.

Okay, I will be the first to admit that disparaging your ex in front of your kids is not a good thing and should be avoided. As Chump Lady always says, “Feel free to report the facts; however, do not editorialize.” Yes, children, your mother/father is having an affair. She/he has moved out and is living with someone else, is fine. Your mom is an immoral slut/your father is a lying cheating bastard! is not.

I wonder, though, what she classifies as “disparaging” remarks. These cheaters and their apologists are a sensitive bunch. To them, telling the truth and not covering for their horrible behavior is “disparaging”.

Rolling her eyes? Maybe not the smartest thing to do but seriously, if your children can be turned against you simply because the other parent rolls their eyes (or makes disparaging remarks)? You’ve got bigger problems in your relationship with your children than you think.

I love the final no-no, though. She would remind people they were short of money and had to go without knowing this would reinforce the children’s beliefs it was due to their father’s departure.

It was, you whining whore! Just like I’m sure your dearly beloved’s departure created financial upheaval for his own children. When my husband decided he was no longer going to “let me steal every dime he makes” or “continue to drain the account” he had a severe impact on our financial situation. When he quit his job and no longer sent us money he had a severe impact on our financial situation. There was no tricking the kids into believing their daddy’s departure caused us financial instability. It was the truth. He chose to hand over the majority of his paycheck to his whore for four months, spending wildly and wining and dining her and her kids. His own children received nothing from him. For five months he had to pay me more than he got to take home. Five months. And now? Well let’s see. He took a powder for 10 full months and didn’t pay a dime. Drained a $10,000 401k and didn’t bother to send a single cent to his children. Then he paid back support. Meanwhile, throughout all of that I was working two jobs, a lot of 13 hour days, and more often than not 6 days a week. All while being the sole parent to his children. Finally he got a job. It paid less than half of what he made before but then again his support obligation was reduced by almost half. Still, he hasn’t paid even half of the court ordered support yet he moves his girlfriend and her kids into a new home in a nice subdivision with a community pool and clubhouse. Even the judge believes his primary focus is on his girlfriend and her kids. His kids do suffer because he places the whore and her kids before his own. It’s not theory; it’s a fact backed by the ruling judge himself.

This particular author would like to look past that. I guess I’m supposed to lie to my kids and tell them that I’m just too lazy to work two and three jobs so that they can have everything they want. I’m supposed to explain to them that Daddy is madly in love with someone else and so now his financial obligations are to his new family and if they go without it’s my own shortcoming.

How exactly is that supposed to work in the real world? Your child comes up to you.

Parent (I’m trying to be gender neutral here), here is the yearbook order form. You: I can’t afford to buy a yearbook this year. Child: But I always get a yearbook! Why can’t I get one this year?

According to Baroness von Nitwit I’m thinking the appropriate response is to simply reiterate the fact that you can’t afford to buy it, completely sidestepping the fact that the reason you can’t buy it is because the child’s other parent refuses to pay court ordered support, thereby crushing your standard of living. It’s far better to gaslight and spackle than it is to tell the truth. The truth might hurt the cheating parent.

I would have had to expend way too much energy to keep covering for CF. As I’ve said before we went from living on over $200,000 a year to living on less than $20,000. It would have been next to impossible to try to protect their father from that fallout. They knew the changes they were experiencing were due to him. I didn’t move because I wanted to be closer to my mommy. No, I was willing to stay in a town where I had very little support, probably not many job prospects, and my expenses were outrageous and ate up a huge chunk of the support I was given so that my daughter could graduate from the high school she loved, a school where she reigned as a superstar. I also busted my ass working two jobs just to be able to give them a Christmas and put food on the table after we did move. I’m not going to throw myself on my sword and take the blame for their lives going down the toilet. Their diminished standard of living is due to him and his choices, especially his choice to put the whore and her kids ahead of his own children. As far as I’m concerned I did my due diligence by not outing every shitty thing he did in order to impress four kids that didn’t belong to him.

I also love how she interjects this jewel:

She should not let her ex’s decision negatively affect their children’s psychological wellbeing. His decision was not to leave his children; it was to leave the marriage as it was not working.

What exactly does that mean, you vacuous whore? Is that your fancy way of saying she shouldn’t let her husband’s affair with you negatively affect her children? She should cover for him? She should lie for him? She should dance harder and faster to make him look like a good guy for her kids?

Here is the brutal truth. When you choose divorce you are choosing to see your children less. You can dress it up in all the flowery terms you want but that is the end result. When you are married to and/or living with the other parent of your child you have 100% access to that child. There is no splitting the holidays or weekends. There is no missing a birthday because it’s not “your time”. You can tuck your kid into bed every single night. You can help with homework every single night. You can eat dinner with that child every single night. When you leave that marriage that is no longer working, primarily because you’re fucking someone else, you are not going to get 100% of the time with your kid. You are going to lose time. You are, in fact, choosing your side piece over your child. Again, couch it in whatever flowery terms you choose. That is ultimately what happens.

You do not get to leave your spouse and then demand they play PR agent for you. It is no longer their job. I can’t speak for what those kids went through and feel right now. I can, however, speak on behalf of my own.

Any psychological damage that my children suffered is due to their father’s behavior, not the fact that I won’t cover for him. That’s the lie cheaters and their enablers want you to believe. They were hurt by the fact their father couldn’t be bothered to talk to them, couldn’t be bothered to apologize profusely, couldn’t be bothered to say good-bye to them when he moved out of the house and out of the state, couldn’t be bothered to drive to see them even one time, couldn’t be bothered to contact them on a regular basis.

If you talked to him, though, I’m sure he would say it’s all my fault. I’ve poisoned them against him. Hell, I know he’s said that. I’m sure he would have this author’s ear as well and she would nod her head astutely and agree that everything was definitely my fault and the only thing CF was guilty of was fleeing an unhappy marriage to find his true happiness.

Once again I will remind everyone that I do believe parental alienation is real. I just think it’s rare and used mainly by entitled assholes to explain away their own odious behavior and their children’s reaction to it.

 

It’s For the Best

There are few phrases coming out of cheater’s and their enabler’s mouths that I hate more than that one. It’s for the best. It all worked out. They’re both much happier now. They have more compatible partners. It was a blessing in disguise.

Fuck that! You know what? I am happier. The mobster is a much better match for me. He makes me happier than CF ever did. I am ecstatic that I no longer have to deal with his never ending list of issues or his constant unhappiness that can never be satisfied. I am glad I’m closer to family. I have realized how incredibly strong I am. My kids are thriving.

Those are all things that happened in spite of what he did to us!

He didn’t have an affair to make me happy. He didn’t have an affair so that I could see how strong I was. He didn’t have an affair so that his kids could be resilient. He didn’t have an affair to “free me from my burden of being his wife” or so that I could meet the love of my life. He didn’t have an affair so that I could move closer to family and the kids could be around their cousins. No, he had an affair because he wanted to. Because Harley the Whore was available and eager to spend our marital assets in exchange for her services. The only person he was thinking of was himself. He didn’t give a shit about our happiness. It was all about his happiness.

He never once considered us or what his selfish choices would do to our lives. So no, he doesn’t get to say it all turned out for the best. None of his sniveling enablers get to say it either. My kids and I, we found happiness and we thrived despite what CF and Harley did to us. I can assure everyone reading this that we were not even a blip on his radar when he made the decision to resume his affair with Harley.

That’s the sad reality with cheaters and their enablers. If they can point to the end result and proclaim everyone “so much better off” then they don’t have to consider all the horrible things that were done. They can ignore all of that.

“Oh, you were forced to move out of your home, forced to move out of the state, and had to tear your lives apart once again? La la la la la la la… I can’t hear you! All I see is happy kids and a happy ex-wife. (Of course, the most important factor is that CF and Harley are happy.) Nothing to see here, folks. Just rainbows and unicorns. All is well.”

Yes, I’m sure John Walsh is thanking his lucky stars that his precious sweet Adam was kidnapped and murdered. After all, it led to such a lucrative television career. When a child is missing in a store and they lock it down it’s now referred to as a Code Adam. How great is that? An ode to his child that never would have happened had a child predator kept his disgusting hands off that innocent six year old child. It all worked out in the end, right?

Bullshit!

I’ll go one step further. None of them- CF, Harley, Jezebel, Tammy Faye, Pastor Fake- care whether or not we’re happy. The only ones who matter are CF and Harley. I would venture to guess that they would actually prefer I be miserable, seeing as how I made poor pitiful CF so unhappy. I was such a horrible wife and person I deserve to live steeped in unending misery. The fact that any of us are happy only serves to assuage whatever tiny sliver of shame they may feel. Hell, probably not even that because I don’t think those people have a conscience. No conscience= no guilt, no shame.

So yeah, I’m finally happy. I’m not where I want to be yet but I’m on a path. I crawled through the bowels of Hell to get to this point. Almost two freaking years after finding out my husband is a lying, cheating, backstabbing, disrespecting piece of crap who uprooted me and my kids for a piece of gold digging, jailbird ass. I cried more tears in these last two years than I’ve cried in the rest of my entire life. I was completely broken. I lost almost everything. So many times I wanted to lay down and die. I kept going for my kids. That was the only reason because I sure as hell didn’t see a future for me. I dug myself out of this living grave, bit by bit. So when he or one of his cheater apologists want to tell everyone it truly was for the best and we’re both so much happier with our new partners (see Sam, he did you a favor!) I want to take a sledge hammer and smash their faces.

We’re all happy despite your cheating son/brother. My daughter was miserable for months. I went to Hell and back. We emerged from our misery; we fought back and we prevailed. Cheater Boy never had one moment of discomfort. He never had to comfort crying or disappointed kids. He never had to look them in the eye and answer their questions. He never had to watch as their lives as they knew them completely disappeared. He wasn’t around for the goodbyes. He wasn’t around for any of it. He chose a whore and her kids over his family. He was busy playing family with them so he didn’t have to deal with any of the fallout of his cheating. He went from the comfort of his former home, his wife, and his kids directly into a new home that he shared with Harley and her kids. When he left our home he chose to go; he wasn’t forced out, unlike us. He shed his old life like a snake sheds its skin. Out with the old; in with the new. There was no loneliness. He wasn’t discarded. He didn’t have to wonder if he was so hideous and unlovable that he would be alone forever. He didn’t have to wonder what would happen to him or his kids. He didn’t wonder what some other man had that he didn’t, didn’t have to wonder what made me turn to someone else. He never had to doubt his worth. He never had to wonder how he was going to support himself after fifteen plus years out of the workforce.

No! He cut me off financially, threw over $30,000 Harley’s way (while she cheated on him!), lived like a child free bachelor, used our home as an extended stay hotel, let me pay all the household expenses while he used the remaining money to play Sugar Daddy to the whore and her hooligans, sauntered off every weekend to fuck his whore, and created a brand new life that didn’t include his wife of 20 years or his teenage children.

To this day he refuses to do the right thing. He only paid his back support under court order and the threat of having to pay me an extra $10,000. He made one additional full support payment back in April. Since then he’s done nothing but play games. He hasn’t paid the equivalent of even one month of support.

I can assure you that any positives that have occurred since the napalming of our lives has been an oversight by CF. I’m fairly certain he wanted to destroy me. I sure as hell know he didn’t give one flying fuck about my happiness or his kids’ happiness.

Happiness was achieved in spite of him and Harley, not because their affair was some divining rod that brought bountiful blessings. So neither he nor anyone in his fucked up family get to say it was all for the best, or that it all worked out. I can say it. My kids can say it. He never gets to say it. He didn’t do what he did to make us happy. He only cared about himself and the whore.

CF, you and your entire family and fucked up friends can all take your chipper, “It’s for the best!” and shove it up your ass.

12 Lessons Learned From Cheating

Gather round, folks. We are going to learn some valuable lessons about cheating. All kinds of exciting stuff!

Today’s idiot is Parker. Parker is a former OW; she has a plethora of information to share with us about the joys of cheating.

Let’s see what all Parker has to share with us.

To begin she shares this little nugget:

Here’s what happened. I was single and he was married. He and his wife had been together for about eight years, most of the time unhappily and in couples therapy (of course they were, Parker; of course they were!). I had recently ended my own decade-long relationship and was rebounding- I just didn’t know it at the time. Rather than grieving my desperately broken heart, I threw myself into an affair (sounds like a smart thing to do; wouldn’t want to suggest anything like running, baking banana bread, or seeing a therapist). Then complicated things by falling madly in love. Long before I had the affair, I had always judged cheaters. But now… not so much.

Yeah, I hear that a lot. I always thought cheating was wrong and then I did it and I decided it wasn’t so wrong.

I was the same way with embezzling, Parker. I always thought it was wrong to take advantage of people and to steal. But then I started embezzling and cheating people out of their life savings and I totally get it now!

Let the practical lessons begin!

  1. People who judge you for cheating have never cheated.

My ego wants to say, “If you haven’t done it, don’t judge it,” but the fact is, I totally get it. Once upon a time, I thought I understood the rules of relationships. Eventually, some of my friends in committed relationships were unfaithful to their partners (often partners I had grown to love like my friends). When my friends shared their experiences with me, I saw that cheating—like relationships—has a good deal of gray area, and through that, I learned that life does too. There are two sides to every story.

Really, Parker? If we haven’t cheated.. yet.. we shouldn’t judge? I haven’t pistol whipped anyone. I don’t beat my kids. I haven’t shared naked pictures of someone through social media causing them to commit suicide. I haven’t molested children or raped anyone. I haven’t killed anyone. I don’t make fun of people. I don’t use slurs.  Are all of those examples just things I haven’t done yet so I shouldn’t really judge those who do them? Or does that only count when we’re talking about having sex with married people? Yeah, don’t judge those people out there fucking married people. That could be YOU one of these days!

2.  Yes, It’s the Best Sex of Your Life… But There’s a Twist

Or, better said, it’ll seem like the best sex of your life at the time. Everyone says it’s the illicit rendezvous, the secrets, the newness that make the sex so amazing, and to a degree, that’s true. But that fades over time. What made the sex truly hot for me was the exploration and connection I found with my lover, both of us freed from inhibition. And that was golden, because it made me grow sexually. Here’s another bonus: You’ll take that with you into your current relationship or future one, making the sex, and your satisfaction, even better.

O.M.G! Could you not find a connection and explore with an unmarried man? How is that you were sooooo free of inhibition with this woman’s husband? Was it because you knew it was a dead end relationship so it didn’t matter what you two did together? It’s not like you’d be spending holidays together for the next twenty years.

And I’m sorry but there’s just something sociopathic about gloating over how sex with a married man is the best sex of your life. You need to get out a little bit more- and I say this as a self-described hermit for the past 3 years! Volunteer… get a dog… seek therapy.

3.Mind-Blowing Sex Has Risks

Doing things you never knew you could (or never even knew existed) is enough reason to justify just about anything … in the moment. Yes, even the possible destruction of a marriage or family—because in the throes of passion that’s the furthest thing from your mind. But that lapse in judgment usually leads to sloppiness—leaving sexts on your phone that your wife finds or skipping birth control and getting knocked up, all of which often has one huge repercussion: getting caught. My affair, long ended, stayed a secret, but most don’t. So if you’re going to play the game, accept that you’re probably going to get caught, and it could very likely be the end of your relationship, or cause long-term alienation from your family. If that happens, I guarantee those mind-blowing orgasms will probably not feel like they were worth it.

Yes, Parker, getting caught is the big repercussion here. Not devastating your spouse. Not destroying your kids’ lives. No, it’s all about you getting caught and not being able to live your double life anymore. You poor, poor baby.

4. A Cheating Spouse is a Liar, But Their Spouse May Be Lying to Themselves, Too

If you and your partner don’t have sex anymore (sex drives don’t just disappear forever!), if your spouse becomes distant or starts working late or going out with new friends a lot, these are telltale signs of cheating. So is coming home showered from the gym or starting to use device passwords. I’m convinced my lover’s wife didn’t want to know he was having an affair, because he was guilty of many of the signs above. Did she know it in her gut? I’m not sure. You can shut off your instincts if you want to. But lying to yourself about your relationship will catch up to both of you. And sooner or later, one of you needs to find the courage to admit it so you can confront your problems, and ideally fix them. Your gut will thank you. It’s one of your best friends.

I’m channeling my inner Dan Aykroyd here: Parker, you ignorant slut! I’m so tired of people like you blaming the spouse, expecting them to do the difficult things while you lay around and fuck our spouses.

Who’s really lying to themselves? Your married lover that is so unhappy in his marriage that instead of divorcing his wife he fucks you on the side instead? Or the wife that may honestly not know? Or the wife that feels that something is off but is told it’s all in her head when she asks if there is anyone else?

And Parker? You’re not really concerned about any of us betrayed spouses finding the courage to admit our relationship is broken so that we can confront our problems and fix them. You want us to realize you’re fucking our spouse so that we will leave or kick him/her out. It’s not about us; it’s all about you.

5. There’s Always Another Side to Your Lover’s (Crap) Marriage

Lying in each other’s arms, my lover and I shared stories about our relationships. This is what I heard him say about his marriage: “We’ve been unhappy for so long.” “We have no sex life anymore.” “All she does is argue with me.” No one was telling the other side of the story about what was still good about the relationship—what he still loved about his wife, how they were still deeply connected (which, P.S., is why your lover isn’t going to leave them no matter what they say otherwise). And God knows what his wife’s side of the story was. Maybe he enjoyed pushing her buttons more than she pushed his. But looking back, I realize if my lover had admitted the good stuff, it would’ve put the kibosh on the affair, because he needed to justify his actions—and I liked being his salvation. Letting him omit also allowed me to keep lying to myself. (And dreaming that he’d leave her for me.)

I do believe that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said so far. Let’s face it: telling your side piece that your spouse is awesome and you don’t plan on ever leaving is not exactly the way to get in his/her pants. You always go with the ol’, “We don’t have sex…we live like roommates…we stay together for the sake of the kids…I’m nothing but a paycheck and a handyman…I never loved her/him… He/she just doesn’t understand me.

6. Be Brave When It’s Time to End Your Relationship

For those of you whose relationship really is over, who really don’t have any positive, loving connection left with your spouse, it may be time to grow some fucking cojones and own up. “But we have kids …” “But he’ll be devastated …” Those are the reasons most unhappy couples stay together longer than they probably should. They’re totally good reasons. I believe your happiness is the foundation of your life. If you’re parents, no one can teach your kids how to be happy better than you can—and no one can see how unhappy you are better than they can. Will there be fallout? Most definitely, but it won’t last forever. If you need inspiration, listen to comedian Louis C.K., father of two daughters, who came out of the other side of his divorce extremely happy. He points out, “Divorce is always good news […] because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.”

Parker, here’s the problem once again. Your encouragement for my husband to bravely find his happiness comes at my expense and it’s to your benefit. 

Happiness is wonderful. Speaking as a person who is pretty damn happy right now I can tell you it feels fucking awesome. But you know what? You don’t achieve happiness by stepping all over other people. 

You better figure out the source of your unhappiness before you decide to start fucking someone else and then leave your spouse. Because if you wait until you’re balls deep inside someone else then you’re not really all that concerned about your happiness. You’re concerned about your dick.

7. People Need Someone Else to Leave Their Spouse

Most people can’t extricate themselves from an unhappy relationship alone. So they find someone to help them, usually a new love. Which is why, in my experience, 98 percent of all the failed relationships have ended when one partner left the other for someone else. It happened to me in the early ’90s when my first boyfriend and I were at the break-up-or-not turning point. I wanted to keep trying. (Uh, see No. 6. No cojones on me.) He didn’t. He’d fallen in love with an actress on a directing gig. Did their new relationship last after we broke up? Nope. (They hardly ever do.) But it got him out, and we both found much greater happiness afterwards. In that way, I think affairs can be really useful, because let’s face it, life is fucking scary, and it’s hard to make big changes all by yourself. If your partner leaves you for another woman, you’ll understandably hate her (and blame her). But once the dust settles, you might thank her. And after his relationship with her ends too, you guys might even become friends.

Awwww…. poor baby! Yes, Parker, divorce sucks. It really sucks when you’re the one left behind with no shiny new partner to tell you how wonderful you are and to fuck you whenever you’re feeling low. Then again, how often do you feel low when you have a shiny new lover who blows sunshine and rainbows up your ass all the time? I’m guessing not often!

That’s the thing about cheating, Parker. It’s all about the cheater. They use fake platitudes to make themselves feel better about the horrendous thing they’ve done but once you peel away all the paint it’s a horny little goat humping anything that moves and spackling reality with fake platitudes like, “Happiness is the foundation for life.”

Hey, Parker… what is the betrayed partner left to do once the cheater leaves? Who do we pair up with? How do we get to go through this divorce? Wait… that’s right. We don’t matter.

Oh, and as for that, “…once the dust settles, you might thank her. And after his relationship with her ends, too, you guys might even become friends,” bullshit? Hell to the no! I will never thank that cunt face cum dumpster for a damn thing. And I would sooner set myself on fire and run into raw sewage to put it out than to spend one fucking minute in his presence. Ever.

8. Honesty Isn’t Always Better

I knew someone whose husband started an affair while she was in treatment for a very serious breast cancer. (I know. It sounds unforgivable.) If he’d admitted his cheating to her, at least during the treatment, it could’ve hurt her health even more. Okay, so that’s on the extreme end of the don’t-be-honest scale. On the other side is this: Not all spouses want to know about infidelity. (See No. 4 again.) If you know your spouse would rather not know, then think twice about spilling the beans. Maybe a better answer is ending the affair, and channeling the excitement and happiness you found from it into your marriage.

Ah yes… the “better” sort of cheater. 

I didn’t tell Bill I was cheating on him because he was going through chemotherapy. I cared enough to not ruin his recovery with the awful truth. Too bad I didn’t care enough to not fuck other men while he was going through a life or death event in his life.

Oh, and btw? If you’re taking all that happiness and excitement and channeling it into your relationship with me? You can take all that shit and shove it up your ass; I don’t want anything having to do with your affair- good or bad.

9. But Sometimes Honesty IS Better

Yes, Virginia, couples can recover from an affair. I’ve known a number of people who’ve admitted infidelity to their spouse. And after a period of intense anger, separation and/or couples therapy, I’ve seen a number of these couples fix the holes of their relationship to become stronger, more intimate and more committed than when they first got together.

Over on Chump Lady, they call those couples unicorns because they are so very rare. Generally what you are seeing are people, both husbands and wives, who don’t want to lose half of their net worth. You see people who don’t want to lose their cushy lifestyle, people who want to be taken care of while they fuck other people. You see people who want to present their picture perfect family life to others while they fuck anything that moves. You see people who love the idea of two people fighting over them. You see lying and gas lighting and blame shifting and head games and trickle truth. You see people who, in other words, want to have their cake and eat it, too.

Very few couples honestly make it through the devastation of infidelity. The relationships are never the same and I don’t think many of them are stronger for it. Do some of them make it? Sure. Are some of them stronger now? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t bet on it. In fact, although I still believe everyone needs to make up their own mind on how to handle infidelity in their relationship, if I’m being honest I would advise leaving. Too many sunk costs. Too high of a risk.

10.  One-Way Cheating Rocks

There are many benefits to single-sided cheating. For me, right or wrong—remember, no judgment here—it was a hell of a lot easier to have a clear conscience during the affair. Another benefit of being single is it allowed me—during late night crying fits fueled by loneliness, or lack of a sext in 24 hours—to remind myself that my married lover was a lying scumbag* and that I deserved someone better anyway. (If you’re cheating on someone too, this angle just won’t work as well.)

*Okay, so I am capable of a little judgment. But it was temporary.

Parker, you were not an innocent party in this. It takes two to fuck. You were a part of that. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t married to his wife. You knew fucking her husband was wrong and yet you did it anyway. Did you break vows? No. Did you do a shitty thing to an innocent person? Absolutely.

11. Sigh… Single or Not, You’re Not Really Innocent

For most of my affair, I enjoyed my clear conscience. Whenever culpability crept up on me, I easily reminded myself that he was the liar, and sometimes would even blame his wife for choosing not to know. (Again, see No. 4.) But eventually I realized that despite being single, I wasn’t innocent. (Turning this philosophically more enlightened corner really sucked.) I clearly wasn’t as directly involved in betraying my lover’s family as he was, but I certainly played a part in the deceit. It’s not something I feel good about. But it’s something I have to live with. Forever.

There we go! Now you’re getting it!

12. You Can Probably Never Trust a Cheater

My lover and I frequently fantasized about the happy life we were meant to have together as two sexually, intellectually and spiritually compatible people. Yet, deep down, I knew if he ever did leave his life—during our affair or later—I could never trust him. Every business trip, every late night out with the boys, no matter what he told me, I’d wonder. (As a gut truster, I’d definitely bust his ass, too.) Maybe if he’d only cheated with me, I’d have felt differently, but I knew he had a history. And I’m pretty sure he’d still be seeing me now if I let him. That said, there are always exceptions. (See No. 9.) And for me, the most important one was my own. I ended my affair because I didn’t want to be a cheater anymore. And that was my greatest lesson.

Oh don’t worry, Parker; I’m sure you were super duper special. All affair partners are.

Shaking My Head

I honestly don’t know what goes through the mind of a cheater but I’ve got a pretty good idea, thanks to clicking on various links. The thought process defies logic.

Chump Lady is often accused of being single minded and lumping all cheaters together. Most of the people who have a problem with this are cheaters themselves, or people who want to reconcile with a cheater because they don’t want to believe their cheater is not super special. I’ve got to say though that she is remarkably dead on. Seriously! Read the cheater blogs. Read the other woman blogs. They all say basically the same thing. I’m sure the same thing could be said about those who’ve been betrayed.

We probably all come across as shrill, bitter, sexless people who deserved to be cheated on because we’re guilty of denying the cheater his or her happiness. Remember- happiness trumps everything! Don’t worry about who all you hurt or any of the destruction you cause. Your happiness is the only thing that matters.

Oh, probably those who have been cheated on but who bend over backwards to appease the cheater and their AP aren’t considered bitter. No, they’re considered to be enlightened.

I read the comments sometimes on the other sites and I think, “Holy cow! This is exactly what they mean when they refer to Dr. Simon and his whole: It’s not that they don’t see; it’s that they disagree philosophy.”

Someone who has gleefully been deceiving his or her spouse for months, writing about it in detail, talking about how the spouse falls short in every category while the AP (or APs, as the case may be) is the most wonderful, perfect person on the planet who understands him/her and is his/her soul mate, gets caught and now shit has hit the fan. What do commenters say? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope it works out between you and your AP. Oh wait! That’s what they say while the writer is embroiled in the affair. I hope it works out. You deserve to be happy. Love is so precious. You deserve to be loved. You need to explore this connection or you’ll regret it forever. You two are meant to be.

Apparently those that are betrayed don’t deserve a damn thing. We’re collateral damage in the quest for happiness.

I’ve seen comments where they tell the writer that they are so sorry the cheater is in so much pain. Why? They’ve brought it upon themselves. If you want to feel sorry for someone feel sorry for the cuckolded spouse! Feel sorry for the spouse who finds his or her life falling apart once the truth is revealed. Feel sorry for the kids who are watching their family be destroyed. You can feel especially sorry for those kids if they’ve had to move out of the family home and/or leave the area and their school/friends/lives behind. Those are the people who deserve your sympathy. Not the person who has been going out and fucking strangers. Oh, I’m sorry. Fucking the new soul mate.

They speak of open marriages. Yes, that’s a brilliant solution. The cheater can still have the spouse appliance who takes care of the nitty gritty and have as many fuck buddies as he or she wishes. What a great idea! Hey, what does the betrayed spouse get? STD testing?

I always love this request for an open marriage. It seems to me that most people who are asking for one don’t quite grasp that there are rules to an open marriage as well. It’s not a free for all pussy fest (or dick fest, as the case may be). If you can’t obey a simple marriage vow that says you won’t fuck another person I’m not sure how you can handle a whole new set of rules. Or that you would even be willing to follow those rules.

No, what I think happens is the cheater thinks, “Oh! An open marriage. Now that’s something I could use. My wife can still do all her wifely duties. I won’t lose time with my kids (if that’s even something that concerns me). I won’t have to live on half of my paycheck, or forego using the wife’s if she makes more than me. I don’t lose half my 401k or any of my other retirement accounts. I don’t have to split up household items or possibly move out of the family home. And I can still go out and fuck anything that moves. All the perks of being single and none of the responsibilities. Yes! Let’s do an open marriage.

What else do you get when a cheater has been caught? Well, there’s this idea that it’s a damn shame that the cheated on spouse is making this whole thing such a public affair, no pun intended. Yes, because the problem isn’t what the lying, cheating spouse did; it’s how the lied to, cheated on spouse reacted!

I know this is way too simple for most people to believe it actually works, but if you don’t want people to know you’re a lying cheater try not lying and cheating. If you want to fuck anything that moves and deceive your spouse then pull on your big boy or girl pants and face the music. Stop whining and acting like you are the poor, aggrieved victim. You are not. You are the perpetrator.

Chump Lady was also correct when she said that cheaters take it for granted that reconciliation is always on the table and that they like controlling the flow of information.

Information is power and most of the cheater apologist’s are quick to point out when one of them is sharing too much. Don’t give all the details! Don’t tell her/him everything! Don’t be so transparent! Look to Esther Perel for advice on cheating! Sharing too many details just hurts your spouse so you’re doing him or her a favor by not not being completely honest.

Bullshit! That is image management at its finest. Not sharing the details because “it would hurt my spouse” is a load of crap. You don’t share the details because you don’t want them to know certain things. You like having the upper hand. You like keeping this poor deceived person in the dark. You don’t tell the truth because it benefits YOU!

I’ve been having an affair with Janet for 4 months. It’s over now.

is a lot different from

I’ve been having an affair with Janet for 4 months. When I told you I was staying late at the office I was actually meeting with her at the restaurant we go to every year for our anniversary. I’ve introduced her to all our mutual friends and they accepted her; we hung out with them, in fact. I’ve had her over to the house and she’s worn your clothes and we had sex in our bed. We’ve made plans to get married and be together forever. I told her all your secrets and complained about all of your flaws to her. She knows everything about you. We had sex two and three times every time we were together. She does x, y, and z, which you never did. I think I’m in love with her and cutting her off is killing me.

In the first situation you can play dumb and might still have a chance at saving your marriage. In the second situation you’ve got a lot to answer to. You no longer have the advantage of knowing everything and keeping your spouse in the dark. It’s a lot harder to convince your wife that Janet meant nothing when she knows the full story and the depth of your deception than when all she knows is you were fucking Janet for four months

So please, save the bullshit about wanting to protect the spouse you lied to and cheated on from anymore hurt. You want to protect your own ass.

And for the love of God, STOP with the “I don’t want to hurt my spouse anymore than I have.” The hurt you have caused already is tremendous. It’s like a murderer saying, “I don’t want to kill this person anymore than I already have.”

As for possibly not wanting to reconcile if your spouse outs your affair to anyone and everyone… well, aren’t you just full of your cheating self? You are taking it for granted that your spouse actually wants your lying, cheating self back. Naturally, once you let this person know you’ve been out fucking someone new YOU have a choice to make. YOU get to take your time and decide whether or not their behavior was appropriate enough for you to accept their request of reconciliation.

If you have cheated on your spouse and you truly desire to reconcile you will take whatever anger and fallout comes your way. You will accept that others may know what you’ve done and judge you. You will accept all of that as the price you pay to reconcile after you’ve cheated and deceived.

Finally, I’ve sat there slack jawed as I read various cheaters talk of standing by their spouse’s side should something awful happen to him or her. Are you fucking kidding me? I can assure everyone out there reading that if I were to be diagnosed with cancer or be in some sort of awful accident, Cousinfucker is the LAST person I would want by my side.

In fact, if I were unconscious and he were stupid enough to come sit by my bed, when I woke from my coma I would stab him with a damn scalpel. DO NOT lie to me, cheat on me, and destroy my life and then try to preserve your image by “standing by me”.

Granted, I know what a liar CF is but how devastating would it be to find out your spouse, who was by your side throughout your entire medical crisis, was actually cheating on you and lying to you that entire time? Disgusting!

At least I’m honest when I gleefully point out to others that should something befall Cousinfucker I would be the person tasked with deciding whether or not to discontinue life support or to make all medical decisions. I don’t dress it up as, “Oh, he’s my husband, the father of my children. Of course I would stand by him if anything bad were to happen.” No, you’d hear something like this:

Doctor, we need to discontinue life support.

M’am, it’s a sprained ankle.

Look, he wouldn’t want to live like this. Pull the plug!

Mrs. Cousinfucker, it’s not a life threatening injury!

I’m also not much touched by their fervent claims that they will always do right by the disrespected spouse because he or she is the father/mother of their children. Who cares? It obviously didn’t mean enough for you to not cheat on your spouse so why tout it as so powerful now? As I remarked about CF telling our kids that I was a good mother, “Who the fuck cares?” Him saying that was about the lowest compliment he could ever give me. I’m a good mom. I sure the fuck hope so considering the fact that you abandoned your children for a whore and left them with me. What? If I’d been a bad mom you would have tried to take them with you when you ran off with the whore? Or you wouldn’t have fucked a whore if I’d been a bad mom?

They are so full of shit. The excuses, the romanticizing the affairs, the bullshit… it’s almost too much to take. Yet it’s oddly comforting because you realize that they all pretty much follow the same script, and they’re all pretty much self-centered whiny babies who think only of themselves and whatever it is they want.

1myyfx

Advice For Men On How To Keep Your Wife

We managed to get through all of Sarah’s stellar advice. Now the questions begin. Or perhaps only one question.

As one of the commenters on my blog asked, “Why does fidelity always fall to the wife?”

I think the answer to that is twofold. 1. I think women are much more likely to read crap like that. 2. I don’t think fidelity always falls to the wife. I think it falls to whichever partner is the faithful one. The cheater will always have an excuse for why he OR she was driven to cheat. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that some of the reasons women give for cheating are him not paying enough attention to her, never spending time with her, the other man makes her feel beautiful/special/sexy/whatever, etc. They are probably very similar.

It does make me wonder, though, what advice for men who are trying to keep their wives from straying would be. While I think a long list very similar to what we were just subjected to would be very funny, more than likely the advice would be a lot harsher and more practical. But just for giggles I thought I’d give it a try.

  1. Listen to her and be attentive – Be interested in her and how her day was. Stay up late if necessary to catch up on the latest gossip. If she can’t vent to you about her mother, her fellow mommies, the PTA president, or the neighbor, she’ll find someone who IS willing to listen! When you get home from work ask your wife how her day was. Don’t concentrate on the fact that you’ve just worked all day. Your wife has been home alone with young children who are constantly demanding her time and attention all day long, or has arrived home after a long day of work herself. She needs adult interaction. If she can’t talk to her husband she might turn to her tennis pro for comfort. Make sure you save your problems for later and don’t drone on and on about them. She spends all day listening to kids whine and fight; she really doesn’t need to listen to you complain for 30 minutes about your boss.
  2. Be the man she married. She married you for a reason. She loves you. Don’t change the moment the wedding ring is on her finger. If you cooked and cleaned before the marriage make sure you don’t slack off and expect her to do everything. If you treat your wife like a maid outside of the bedroom don’t be surprised if she isn’t willing to act like a hooker in the bedroom.
  3. Get up with your kids on the weekend. Let your wife sleep in. She does this routine every day. Give her a break! This will give you a great chance to bond with your kids and create memories of your very own. Bonus- your wife will be so grateful there will probably be a “reward” for you later.
  4. Keep your appearance in check. Don’t let yourself go. Beer guts aren’t attractive. If you start to go bald, invest in some Rogaine or hair plugs. If you had 6-pack abs when you first met make sure you keep up with that (but don’t let time at the gym detract from your wife!). Your wife probably dresses you already but if she suggests some bold fashion choices that you’re not comfortable with, try it! A button down over a t-shirt is really quite comfortable if you give it a chance. And real men do wear pink. Remember, looking good will help YOU feel better, as well as making sure your wife only has eyes for you.
  5. Back rubs and foot massages! I can’t stress how important this is to a marriage. Note: 60 seconds of half-heartedly rubbing her feet or back while you try to watch SportsCenter is not considered a proper massage. Get in there! Massage those knots out. Feel the tension leave her body because of your magic hands.
  6. Be her best friend. When she wants to complain about her mother or her sister or her best friend listen attentively. Take notes if you must so that when you revisit this topic you can reference them so she doesn’t have to explain it all over again. If she wants to watch Steel Magnolias or The Notebook for the tenth time not only do you watch it with her but you also offer to whip up the cookie dough, hold her hand throughout the movie, and cry with her, explaining that everybody cries when Sally Field loses it in the cemetery. Extra bonus points if you can recite Sally’s monologue along with her. Tell her that you absolutely want to go shopping with her and ooh and aaah whenever she’s trying on clothes. Remember: If she’s not getting approval and attention from you she’s going to get it from someone else.
  7. Romance her! Bring her flowers. Pick out jewelry for her. Being married doesn’t mean you stop caring. Plan elaborate dates for her. Take her out to eat at romantic restaurants. Whisk her away for a weekend.
  8. Tell her everyday how beautiful she is, how wonderful she is, what a great wife and mother she is. She can never get enough compliments and if you aren’t going to be the one handing those compliments out then keep in mind when someone else does it that “someone else” is going to catch her eye and make her feel special.
  9. Don’t be afraid of a little housework. Nothing is sexier than a man scrubbing a toilet, doing a load of laundry, or cooking a meal. Your efforts will be repaid in spades.
  10. While getting together with your friends and family is great, and even expected, don’t let outside activities take up all of your time. If you’re always hanging out with your buddies, who is your wife hanging out with? If you spend all weekend on the golf course, or in the gym, or at the bowling alley (pick your poison), then what do you think your wife is doing? If you’re not willing to spend time with her she’ll find someone who will.
  11. Be Intimate with your wife everyday- but keep in mind intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. Don’t  touch her only when you want sex. You’ll find that holding hands, touching her arm or waist, or gently nuzzling her neck for a little kiss will make her far more receptive in the bedroom. Cuddle time is wonderful! Don’t be afraid to simply hold her all night without any expectations.
  12. Cooking- don’t be afraid to try it! She’ll appreciate it so much.
  13. Communicating and the art of communication- Know when enough is enough. Your wife loves you but she’s busy during the day. Respect her time and don’t expect her to drop everything so that she can send sexy text messages. DO NOT ask for naked pictures of her. That is so disrespectful to your wife. Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag- especially when she’s spending money. Ultimately make her WANT you to come home to her, not dread your presence.

I realize there are indeed women out there who really do expect all of the above. Jezebel comes to mind. I’d like to think that most of us are sane. The important part, though, is that most men don’t ever get advice like this. It’s almost always the women who get this type of stellar advice. Aren’t you jealous?

As an interesting aside one of my co-workers returned from lunch complaining about her husband texting her. Apparently, she told him he was bothering her. When he replied that he thought she was at lunch so how could he be bothering her, her response was, “Yes, I am. This is my chance to relax and unwind. Stop texting me!” Then when he told her that he’d only contacted her to ask her if there was anything she wanted him to do around the house she told him to look around because she was sure he could find something.

Coming so close on the heels of Sarah’s advice I was astonished at the differences between what Sarah recommends and what this co-worker actually did. Hmmm… I hope he doesn’t go fuck somebody since his wife didn’t want to text him over lunch.

Advice From the Mistress Concludes

Thankfully we now come to the final few nuggets of wisdom the professional yet reformed mistress has to offer us.

10. Time Management – Never make the ‘kids your life.’ All you will do is alienate your husband. Try to manage your time wisely so that when your husband comes home you have time for him. Couples that don’t eat together, or spend the evenings together, generally grow apart. Don’t allow your husband to become distant or lonely, or a space will be created for another woman to walk into his life.

Spoken like a woman who has no children. When your children are younger they should be your life. They are completely dependent upon you. I will make no apologies for putting my kids first and taking care of them. It’s a short season in your life. Suck it up, buttercup.

I know this is going to sound crazy but maybe, just maybe, if the husband actually pitched in and helped, the wife wouldn’t always be accused of making the kids her life. When you are the only one who takes them to school or practice and the only one who picks them up… When you are the only one to make their lunches, sign their permission slips, go to parent-teacher conferences, meet with teachers, and go to their programs… When you are the only one who will take them to the movies, on vacation, to the mall, out shopping, out to eat, or on any outing… it gets exhausting and then you’re accused of putting the kids first and neglecting the marriage. Most of this shit needs to get done and if Hubby is sitting around waiting for you to draw his bath for him and pop grapes into his mouth then that leaves only one person to do all of it. You can’t complain that she never has time for you if you’re not willing to help out with your shared children.

I can assure everyone that not once did CF grab his car keys and announce he was going to pick Rock Star up from gymnastics. I did not then spring up from the couch, knock him down the stairs in my quest to grab my own keys, and yell triumphantly on my way out the door, “Not on my watch, sucker!” I also never threatened him with bodily harm if he ever attempted to come into the kitchen and cook a meal for us. Never once did I lock myself in a room with my children, declaring with just a tinge of crazy as he banged on the door and pleaded with me to let him in, “I will never allow you to get up in the middle of the night with my children! NEVER! I’m the only one that is allowed to be woken up in the middle of the night. Do you hear me? Do you?” I also never threw my body in the path of his car in an effort to block him from leaving the house with our two kids to give me an hour or two alone. I never grabbed a laundry basket out of his hands and snarled, “WTF do you think you’re doing with that? I’m the only one that does laundry around this house! Stay out of the laundry room!” I never knocked him out of the way in order to run out and grab something for all of us to eat. “You’ve gotta be pretty fast to get one over on me!” I never tore the house apart after he’d cleaned it, screaming about how no one was going to clean this house except for me. Never told him I didn’t want him going to parent-teacher conferences with me because he would just get in the way. Never told him he wasn’t allowed to take the kids out to dinner. I would have welcomed the help. But it turns out all of those things were my job and he was busy doing other stuff (or people). I guess I needed better time management skills.

Here’s another thing that’s going to sound crazy. I actually agree with her when she says that when you don’t eat together or spend evenings together you will gradually grow apart. I saw it happen in my own marriage. But here’s the rub. It wasn’t solely on me. He played a huge part in that dynamic. He wanted to watch TV and he didn’t want to be bothered by young kids making noise while he was trying to watch something. Leaving those two alone so that I could sit by his feet and gaze adoringly up at him would have resulted in utter chaos. They were 2 and 4 at that time, for crying out loud! Maybe 3 and 5. My children are delightful these days, but in their early years… Let me just say I have been told more than once that I have the patience of Job and that if they had been born to any other person they probably wouldn’t have survived.

I gave him what he wanted. Peace and quiet. The ability to eat his dinner and watch television with no interruptions.  Then he complained because he got what he wanted.

When we moved across the country the first time he began shutting himself up in the bedroom. That was his doing, not mine. He was always asked if he wanted to go with us whenever we went somewhere. He usually declined. I had to resort to getting my daughter to ask him if he’d join us. He’s the one that kicked me out our bedroom for years, complaining that my snoring kept him awake.

This was not a situation where I was the frigid, neglectful wife who treated him like he was disposable. This was him shutting himself off from the rest of the family.

Yes, ladies, all the childcare is your responsibility but please try to get all of that taken care of while your husband is away. Time management! Once he gets home he should be your entire focus. Please train your children to never need anything from you once your husband gets home. Also, please speak to all coaches and school administrators so that they never plan anything outside of your husband’s work hours because that, too, will take away from your husband. Your husband must never be neglected. Again, spoken like a woman who never had children and could concentrate all of her energies on the married man she was fucking.

11. Cooking – Be sure to spend less time in the kitchen and more time in the bedroom, as the way to a man’s heart is NOT through his stomach, it’s actually more South of his waistband! A nice hot meal need not take hours so don’t ever slave over a hot stove. Be adventurous in the kitchen, but even more so in the bedroom.

Oh my dear Lord! Let me make sure I have this correctly. I’m to make a hot meal. But it needs to be a simple, hot meal because anything that takes more than five or ten minutes will cause him to cheat. I call foul, Sarah! I used my crockpot all the time! So why did he cheat on me? I have checked off all the boxes. Hot meal? Check! Not spending hours in the kitchen? Check! Delicious goodness? Double check.

And don’t even get me started on adventurous in the bedroom. Suffice to say, dear sweet stupid Sarah, your advice is about as good as your morals.

12. Keep your own identity – NEVER be a doormat for your husband. Be a strong woman, and let him know that if he ever mistreats you, or cheats on you, you will not put up with it. Teach him to make sure he respects you, and that he will lose you if he strays. Also, have your own life and interests, so that you are not just ‘a wife.’ Otherwise you will have nothing to ever tell him or surprise him with. You should be willing to work for a relationship, but never suffer for it.

Ahem… oh, Sarah? You’ve just spent this entire list telling us to do things we don’t necessarily want to do. You’ve told us our husbands are the most important thing in our life and they should be put ahead of our needs and the needs of our minor children. You’ve spent 11 talking points telling us to not get fat, to stay sexy, to fuck his brains out and to do and be whatever he desires. So how is it that none of that shit results in us being a doormat? You’re giving the very blueprint of being a doormat and then saying, “Don’t be a doormat!”

How are any of us to be a strong woman or to assert our boundaries when you’ve spent this entire “lesson” teaching us to be perfect little props for the important man in our life?

It’s a little difficult to tell your spouse that you won’t tolerate cheating and to demand respect when everything you’ve advised us to do so far puts us completely at his mercy. If he’s been taught that he’s #1 and the most important thing ever to exist then why would he ever believe that we would leave if he cheats?

Oh, and newsflash, Sarah! Many women DID tell their husbands cheating would be a deal breaker. That’s why they’re divorced now. And why do you think people lie and gaslight and do their best to keep it a secret? They KNOW it’s wrong. In some cases I’m sure they know their spouse will leave when she finds out.

How am I supposed to have my own interests and my own life when I’m supposed to be catering to him 24/7? You seem to be very worried that I will have nothing to “tell him or surprise him with” but I thought my problems and my life weren’t of any consequence and that everything was supposed to be about him and his day.

I think Sarah’s advice highlights the problem some have between fantasy and reality. It gives voice to those people (cheating men and women alike) that really believe marriage should be exciting and fun all the time and that they should have every need met instantaneously. If they don’t, then they are entitled to cheat.

This advice thrives on fantasy. How many women can honestly say they could do everything that good ol’ Sarah advises us to do? I’m exhausted just reading that list. It’s one demand after another and there doesn’t seem to be any give and take.

Let me be clear, lest I’m accused of being a man hater, I think that much of what she talks about here is fine if it’s done occasionally. I think it’s great when couples can do some of the things on this list. I have no problem with sending a flirty message to your husband. I am a very physical person myself so touching someone, holding their hand, rubbing their back, is something that I would do naturally. I’m not opposed to throwing on some eyeliner and wearing a cute outfit. I think it’s important to not lose yourselves as a couple in your quest to raise children. Keep the romance alive! If you’ve got a chance to spend some time alone as a couple then go for it. But I also think both people need to be participants. And I think that when one person believes that they are entitled to all of the things on the above list then you’ve got some major problems. Regular, real, day-to-day life doesn’t work that way. You might be able to do some of this all of the time. You might be able to do all of it some of the time. But I don’t see how anyone who has actual obligations and responsibilities can do all of it all of the time. Then again, affairs thrive on fantasy and most affair partners don’t see each other every single day. Most affairs also don’t last more than six months so there’s the whole “they can do all of it some of the time.”

I liken her advice to the difference between every day life and taking a vacation. Sarah seems to think that relationships should be like being on vacation every day. You should always be lounging on the beach and sipping cocktails brought to you by smiling servers. You should always be free to wander aimlessly all day long if that’s what you choose to do, or embark on some exciting adventure. You should indulge every day- eating every meal out and not having to worry about cooking or dishes or doing laundry. You should be able to sleep in every day and go to bed whenever you’d like. It should always be one exciting choice after another- cruise this week, skiing next week, a trip out of the country the week after that. Fun, fun, fun with absolutely no responsibilities.

I’ll say it one more time so that I’m not misunderstood (although I’m sure I’ll be accused by someone of being a man-hating, relationship deficient bitter bitch): I think trying to do some of the things good ol’ Sarah suggests is a good thing. By all means, look your best. Talk to your husband. Spend some time with him without the kids around. Surprise him with something fun and/or sexy. Talk to him. Have sex with him. Maybe wear something a little risqué once in a while. Go out and have fun together.

Where her advice falls flat is in the fact that she believes this should be the ordinary. This should be every day life; it’s where the bar is set. I believe those things are “vacation ideas” if you will. I don’t think anyone can live up to all of that every single day. As I said earlier I’m exhausted just reading the list.

The other problem I see with it is there is no talk of equal reciprocation.We women are only as useful as our ability to satisfy our man. Our lives are all about pleasing him. There is nothing about him pleasing us. I guess our big reward is that our husband won’t cheat on us. Because Sarah thinks cheating is a relationship problem.

Honestly, if this is what all I have to do in order to keep a man and have a relationship I’m not interested.

Advice From the Mistress, Part 3

Ready for round three? Let’s begin.

7. Stroke his ego, and other parts – Men want to feel like men. They want to feel needed and wanted. Tell him how much you appreciate him, especially when he does something nice. Let him know you respect him as a man. And touch him. Be tactile with him.

1. Maybe men (these men you’re writing about, whoever they might be) would be treated like men if they didn’t act like entitled 2 year olds.

2. I would find it easier to respect him as a man if he weren’t fucking around on me. I’m pretty sure I speak for the majority of women when I say it’s pretty difficult to respect your cheating husband.

Come on, Sarah, you’re treating men like they’re idiots. No, you treat them like fragile crystal. Or a scared kitten.

Come here, kitty… let me love you. I’ve got a warm house and a soft blanket and plenty of yummy food. Come here, you sweet little bundle of fur. I won’t hurt you. You’re such a pretty kitty. Oh yes you are! You’re so so pretty! Let me pet you and hold you. Oh that’s it. You’re so soft. Do you like it when I scratch your ears? How about under your chin? Oh, you really like that! Yes, you do! Yes, you do! You are such a pretty kitty! I’m going to love you forever and never let you go!

I don’t have a problem with letting someone know I appreciate what they’ve done. I’ve never had a problem saying, “Thank you.”  I’m not talking about being dismissive of someone or treating them like they owe you. I think I’m a pretty kind person. I think I show a lot of love and affection and that I express appreciation. You, however, are ridiculous. And exhausting. My God, it’s a constant cycle of being “on” and having to cater to his ego. If “your man” needs this much ego stroking I can’t imagine you have too much of a relationship. He sounds like a giant baby. It, in fact, reminds me of coaching my own children.

Be gentle, honey; pet the doggy softly. No, no! We read books; we don’t throw them in the toilet. I’m so proud of you for not getting in trouble at school today!  Thank you for doing the dishes. Hey, great job getting up this morning and getting ready for school all on your own. I really liked the way you didn’t call your brother an asshole today. Thank you for unclogging the toilet without having to be told.

It also reminds me of CF telling me he wanted me to come watch him mow the yard. He wanted me to follow him with my eyes, and maybe fetch him a cool refreshing drink. He wanted me to just touch him as I passed by. Guess what, Sarah? I did all those things for the giant man baby. He’s living with and fucking his cousin now.

Was I faithful because he did all of these things you’re telling us wives to do? Hell, do they even need to do any of these things? You never talk about any give and take in relationships; it’s all about what women need to do to hang on to their man. So I apologize for being a bit unclear.

Ultimately though, no, I wasn’t faithful because he did all those things. Oh sure, occasionally he would pick me up a candy bar from the gas station. He would thank me for making dinner. Towards the end he would tell me I was sexy or beautiful or amazing. I got about 16 months of that. Mostly he kicked me out of the bed, didn’t want to hold my hand, and closed himself off in the bedroom. I was faithful because I have a moral compass. I was faithful because I’m loyal until the end. I was faithful because I took my vows seriously. I was faithful because that’s just who I am.

I say again: You do not control another person’s behavior. Not by what you do. Not by what you don’t do.

8. Be Sexy – Even if you sit around in your sweatpants all day, be sure to change just before he comes home from work into something sexier. Oh and remember to shave those legs, and other parts.

Yes, because there’s nothing I love more than donning high heels and cleaning toilets! Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I can clean the toilets in comfort; I just need to make sure I hop right up before he gets home so that I can shower and shave and look like some sort of sex goddess. Because otherwise he’ll cheat.

You sound like the 1950s Home Ec book that made its rounds: Put a fresh ribbon in your hair. Lightly spray perfume.

Because once again we are nothing more than the man’s adoring audience.

The kids are killing one another? Oops! Sorry, kids, Daddy’s on his way home. Mommy’s got to put on her mini skirt and high heels so that Daddy feels like a real man when he gets home. If Mommy isn’t sexy enough Daddy will leave her and you’ll grow up being bounced back and forth between two homes.

You’ve spent twelve hours with a screaming, colicky baby? Just put that baby down, apply some make-up, put on your best slut clothes and get ready to dazzle!

You’ve got one kid who needs to be transported to karate and one that needs to be picked up from piano. You’re in the middle of making dinner, one of your kid’s teachers just called, and you forgot to grab the dry cleaning and it closes in fifteen minutes. Don’t worry about any of that. Chuck all your responsibilities and put on something pretty. Leopard print is preferable.

You know what I want, Sarah? I want a man who thinks I look sexy even when I am wearing sweats. I want a man who can appreciate the fact that I’m making dinner, juggling schedules, and keeping everything going and yet still look up from what I’m doing and say, “Hi, baby! How was your day?”

See? I’m not a total bitch. I have no problem with doing things for others. Hell, I did EVERYTHING for the man I married. He still cheated. Because whatever it was that I did it was never enough.

I oppose this idea that by ignoring all of our wants and needs, and that by doing things we don’t feel like doing, we will somehow have this perfect relationship with a man who would never dream of cheating… if we can just dance pretty enough for him.

9. Ambiance – Create an environment he will enjoy when he comes home. Focus on soft lighting, scented candles and gentle music playing. Maybe run a hot bath, or jump in a steamy shower with him. Have his favourite drink ready, or enjoy a glass of wine together. Hide the kid’s toys, and any other clutter.

I wish you could see me right now, Sarah, because I am rolling my eyes so hard I fear they might fall out of my head. I think, dear Sarah, that this is the main difference between a wife and a mistress.

As his mistress you never had children. You were a kept woman. You fucked rich, married, entitled men who would pay your rent, buy you pretty things and support you. Your “job”, if you will, was to please him at all times. You could set the stage. You could play your gentle music with your candlelight glowing and then enjoy a glass of wine together. You could jump in the shower with him. Because you had no other obligations.

And what in the hell is with this, “run a hot bath”? Are you seriously drawing a bath for a grown ass man because he can’t figure out how to run a faucet, or because he’s just so exhausted he doesn’t have time? Or is this one of those, “We’ll soak in the tub together because it’s so romantic and sexy,” moments? Dear Jesus I hope it’s the latter.

Let me tell you what would have happened if I had done that when my kids were little. The candles probably would have ended up knocked over and setting the house on fire. They would be wondering why we weren’t listening to The Disney Channel and running around like crazy. While we were soaping each other up in the shower, sipping our wine, they would be going crazy in the other room. If the house hadn’t caught on fire then there would be a mess of epic proportions. Guess who would get to clean that up? Of course it would be me. I’d lay 50-50 odds on whether or not my daughter would have tried to kill my son. And honestly? I would be amazed if we could even keep them out of the bathroom while we had our sexy time. They could pick locks. More than likely we would be treated to little hands pulling back the shower curtain and little voices asking, “What are you doing in here? When are you going to be done? Why are you taking a shower together? Can I have some of your drink? Why does his penis look like that? Are you done yet? I’m hungry. Picasso won’t stop touching me. Can I get in the shower with you? Rock Star hit me.”

 

Advice From the Mistress, Part 2

Get those vomit buckets ready, ladies. We’ve got more advice from the lovely Sarah.

4. Communicating and the art of communication – Flirt with him throughout the day either via text, email, phone etc (*Note: that’s what all Mistresses do with your husbands*). Be fun and fun loving. Don’t nag! Ultimately make him WANT to come home to you, not HAVE to come home to you.

I detest this one with the fire of a thousand suns. Probably because it reminds me of what CF wanted me to do. Because the whore did it. I will say again, so that I am very clear, I think it’s wonderful when couples communicate throughout the day. I think the random sexy message and flirty text is a great thing. You know what’s not great? Being pressured into doing this. Having the expectation that you will do this every day, all the time. Your partner not respecting your time and the fact that you may be busy doing other things. Someone acting like a fucking high school student with their phone connected to their hand at all times so they can constantly text one another.

I’ve got a job! I can’t be on my phone all day long. I guess if I ever venture back into the dating pool I am doomed to be cheated on again and again because I can’t sit around texting my boyfriend constantly. What in the hell did people do before cell phones? Before this idea that two people in a relationship need to be in constant contact all day long, every damn day? I don’t think wives were calling their husbands at work at

9 am: Thanks for that morning quickie. I can hardly wait until you get home.

10:15: I miss you.

10:45: It’s been so long since I’ve heard your voice. I want you! I’m going to do all sorts of naughty things to you when you walk in that door.

11:30: Whatchya doing?

12:15: I’m lifting up my shirt and showing my boobs to you. Can you see it now? Close your eyes and imagine it!

1:30: I’m so hot and horny for you! I don’t know if I can wait until you get home.

2:00: How’s your day been?

2:45: I just called to say I missed you.

How would they have managed to get any work done?

OF COURSE the mistresses all do this. It’s a hook. See? I’m sooooo much better than your wife. It’s also one of the only ways they can be with this married man throughout the day.

Furthermore, I’m not taking advice from a whore, especially not my husband’s whore. How dare he try to turn me into her? He should be worried about what he needs to do to keep me! (Too bad I didn’t have that attitude when I was still married and “reconciling” with CF.)

My shit eating chimp decided that a mistress that lived hours away was a good idea. Sexting and flirty messages were all they had for day to day communication. And my guess would be that if you’re going to have an affair sex is going to figure prominently in that situation. She’s not going to be texting him to tell him the toilet is backed up or one of the kids is in trouble at school. She’s going to be texting him to tell him how much she wants him, how handsome and sexy he is, and to tempt him with promises of more once they can finally be together. It’s all fantasies and no responsibilities.

The wife, on the other hand, has an actual life with him. The sink gets clogged and a plumber needs to be called. A child is doing poorly in school. The in-laws want to come out for Spring Break. She doesn’t have the luxury of pretending that there is nothing else in this world going on except the crotch tingles she feels for her husband. Fuck the kids! Fuck your parents! Fuck me NOW!

You might be able to get away with that occasionally but if you think that’s what’s going to happen all the time in a marriage then you’re going to find there are a lot of things that don’t get taken care of and your life is going to crumble all around you.

5. Be Intimate with your husband everyday – Preferably sex YES! But even if you don’t always feel like it, there are other things you can do. If you’re not sleeping with your husband, I guarantee someone else is! Even a hug and a kiss will be welcomed if you can’t go the whole way, but some form of intimacy is essential.

Basically, what you’re saying, Sarah, is that you need to put out because if you don’t your husband has such lack of control he will be compelled to go out and fuck some random stranger. Yeah, no. We don’t control anyone’s behavior except our own. (Okay, I will acknowledge there are some extremely co-dependent personalities that are undoubtedly at the mercy of their partner but I would like to think those people are few in number.)

I already talked about the woman who wrote a book on relationships, advising women to never refuse their husband sex because if you weren’t giving it up he’d find someone who would. Even with that mindset her husband still cheated on her. She now has an elementary aged stepchild.

I’ve already talked about the women who were stunned to find out their husbands were cheating because they had sex with them every day or every other day (I guess that one day on, one day off was just too much for the sex starved husband).

Really, what kind of a relationship is that? I know I’m sick, baby, but maybe we could do it doggy style in the bathroom. If you just let me lean over the toilet I can throw up while you’re riding me hard and you’ll never have to miss a beat.

What happens if I get cancer and I’m exhausted and nauseous from chemotherapy? I know several females who either are going through, or have gone through cancer treatment. Are the husbands justified in getting it elsewhere now? After all if the premise is you need to be intimate every day you can’t let a little thing like cancer and fighting for your life stop you from fucking your husband or being intimate in some other way. Those husbands can’t be expected to be faithful now that their wives are unable to perform, can they?

What if I’m in pain? Maybe I broke an arm or a leg, or I’m having back spasms. Just fuck through the pain? What if I have a stroke? Are you still going to love me then or will you cheat on me because I can’t have sex every day?

When you’re a mistress sex is always new and exciting. It’s not something you necessarily have an opportunity to do every day. After all he has to concoct a lie to tell his wife so that he can get away and be with the mistress. So obviously when the two of those nitwits get together they’re going to be having sex. It’s what their relationship is built on typically. Some may argue that the mistress is their very best friend and they have such a stimulating meeting of the minds. They might argue that she understands him, she “gets” him in a way that no one else does. But if you ask him if he would want to be with her if they could never have sex again I think we know what the answer would be. No, seriously. You trade in your wife for this woman who is the Great Understander. You can talk to her about anything and everything but you can never have sex with her. I don’t think most of these men would still say, “Sign me up! She stimulates my mind and that’s enough for me!”

And once again we’re back to the premise of this delightful school which is that women are nothing more than penis receptacles. Do things you don’t feel like doing, even when you have a very valid reason for not wanting to do it, because your husband demands it of you and if you don’t then you can’t expect him to be faithful.

I will also state again, just to be clear, that I’m not talking about someone who withholds sex forever. I don’t think that’s an excuse to cheat but I want to be clear I’m not trying to justify the wife who has just suddenly decided she never wants to have sex again. That’s one extreme. Dear Sarah is on the complete opposite extreme. Give it up all the time, every day, or you’re a bad wife.

6. Put more friendship in your romance – Lighten up on the romantic side of your marriage. See your man as your best friend as well as your lover. That way you can really be yourself and be relaxed around him, just as you are with good friends.

Excuse me, Sarah. I’m a little confused here. You’ve just given me a list of 5 things that I’m supposed to do that don’t acknowledge I’m an actual person. If I’m counting correctly I can expect 6 more tidbits of awesome advice that completely discount me as a real live person. Your advice up to this point has been all about NOT being myself. Your advice has been hyper focused on how I look and what I do to make “my man” feel like he’s just the greatest thing in the universe. I feel like you’re moving the goal posts here.

This one really made me laugh, though, because with all the emphasis on sex and looking hot and sexy up until this point and then switching gears into being best buds I was imaging actual friendships I have. I can only imagine the side glance J would give me if I sidled up behind her and grabbed her ass. Or if I texted my other friend to tell her how sexy she looked. She didn’t like me grinding up against her, dancing drunk back when we were in college. I can’t imagine she’d appreciate a little touchy feely now.

Let me make sure I have this right. Be at his beck and call, text him nonstop with messages about how handsome and sexy he is and how I’d like to blow him, fuck him every day, make sure I don’t get fat, but lighten up and have some fun! Be his buddy! And then fuck him again. No matter how tired you might be.

Oh Sarah, I can hardly wait to see what other nuggets of gold are awaiting us.

Bullshit To Be Refuted

I have a board on Pinterest where I collect quotes about unfaithful husbands and lying whoring mistresses. Strangely enough, or perhaps not so strangely, mistresses have their own quotes as well, justifying their bad behavior.

I thought I’d take a stab at refuting some of this bullshit.

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This is the biggest load of shit! Listen you dumbass, people don’t cheat because they’re not getting enough attention. They cheat because they feel entitled to cheat! Cheating is not a relationship problem which is how everyone prefers to frame it. It is a character problem. Cheaters have poor character. They have poor impulse control. They are entitled little babies who whine and whine when they don’t get their way.

If you’re not getting enough attention then use your words! And if you’re sleeping with a married man or woman and use the above to justify your behavior? You better remind yourself to always give that person plenty of attention. When you can’t keep up with the endless chasm that is their neediness they’ll replace you, too. You are not special.

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Silly whore… if our marriage was really as bad as he lied and said it was he should have manned up and divorced me. But since this bullshit makes you feel better about fucking another woman’s husband go ahead and keep telling yourself our marriage was over or beyond fixing.

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OK, this card obviously wasn’t one the other women embraced. And it says what I said above much more concisely.

The next three are in the same vein, refuting the ridiculous excuses that the other woman comes up with to justify her behavior. If I ever find any of this crap from an other man I’ll let you know.

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Oh yeah! You can never get tired of hearing how the wife drove him to cheat, or how she’s a shrew, is abusive, refuses to have sex, spends all his money, treats him like shit… Funny story: One mistress was told by her lying cheater that he and his wife never had sex anymore. Imagine her surprise when the wife became pregnant. I can’t believe he lied to her!

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Oh silly e-card, whores can and do try to justify it. The wife had it coming. She didn’t understand him. She didn’t treat him right. Their marriage was over. It’s okay to fuck a married man as long as he tells you he’s unhappy.

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Bingo! I guess that makes too much sense and might actually involve consequences. Cheaters aren’t big on consequences.

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Just a little disclaimer before I begin… I got this off of Pinterest so none of the names that appear are people I know.

Yeah, I’m really worried about what you are to him. As far as my children go? You are nothing to them. Oh wait! I take that back. You are the ugly, troll faced whore that their father abandoned them for. You’re the dumb bitch that thought announcing on Facebook how lonely you were when your married lover was no longer sharing your bed was a good idea. You’re the horrible person who turned around and blocked my daughter when you realized she could see right through your bullshit. You are nothing more than an evil bitch who has destroyed their lives and taken everything from them.

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I think you’ve got this backwards. Whores don’t get respect. You being the wife of my kid’s father is not something that I need to respect. And honestly? You started fucking my husband while we were still married; you’ve never shown any respect for me.

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I chose this one to refute because I am prettier and better than Harley. I also believe I will be alone for the rest of my life, especially considering I have no interest in dating.

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re less than just like being a pair of lying cheaters who are hooked up doesn’t mean you are more than. I think one of the biggest problems most people have is they bounce from relationship to relationship. They consider a new relationship to be the pinnacle of happiness and they never learn to be happy on their own. It’s funny because those are the people that are doomed to repeat history.

I may never have another serious relationship but I can assure everyone that I am definitely better than Harley the Whore. I don’t fuck married men. That automatically puts me ahead of her.

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Fuck. You. When I got married I changed my name. That became my name. He did not loan it to me. It is mine. In my case I am intending on going back to my maiden name because I don’t want to be associated with his stupid ass; however, if I ultimately end up choosing to keep MY current last name that is my prerogative. I do have two children with that exact same last name currently and I’m sure that many women continue using their married name because it’s easier when you have kids.

Oh, these next few are fun!

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Harley is not an upgrade. No woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man is an upgrade. Ever. I don’t care what she looks like, how much money she makes, how great she is in bed. She will always be a downgrade.

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I’m not sure how the crazy bitch connects these dots. Aren’t they pretty much one and the same? I mean, if he leaves for some skank ass ho didn’t he choose her? I would also imagine that if he was willing to give up his wife for a skank ass ho then he doesn’t want his wife back. So the wife could hate the skank ass ho because her husband left her for SAH and hate her because he doesn’t want the wife back. But it’s almost impossible to hate skank ass ho because the husband doesn’t want her back without also hating her because he left her. Crazy bitch is also dumb apparently.

P.S. My guess is the wife doesn’t want him back. I know I sure as hell don’t want Cousinfucker back. Harley can gloat all she’d like because she doesn’t have a damn thing I want.

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So much for the loving stepmom and caring friend! Now we get to the heart of the matter. Kiss step mommy’s ass because she supplies Daddy with the pussy. If Daddy ever has to choose between pussy and his kids guess who he’s choosing???? Yep, that’s right- pussy wins every time!

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Oh whore, have you never heard of entitled cake eating fuckwits? They like a pussy smorgasbord. You are not special. He’s not with you because he doesn’t want his wife. He’s with you because you provide him with a piece of strange. If he wanted to be with you he wouldn’t still be with his wife. There! Now consider yourself clued in. Of course, you’re such a stupid, desperate bitch you’ll never believe it.

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Wow! Classy all around. Plus proper grammar. It’s your friend.

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Obviously I have never experienced this kind of loyalty from my in-laws but I have heard of it in other cases. Here’s the thing mistresses and subsequent wives: You can control your husband in most cases by throwing fits and making demands. You don’t, however, get to control his family. If they choose to continue a relationship with a long time member of their family then that is their choice. Just because your soul mate tossed her aside doesn’t mean that everyone in his family now must toss her aside as well. Hopefully you’re not fucking the rest of his family so they don’t really care what you think and you certainly don’t get to tell them what to do.

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It’s not funny. It’s reality. When we love someone we overlook a lot. We make excuses. We justify behavior. When that relationship is over and the mask is finally off we have no more need to convince ourselves that the frog is actually Prince Charming.

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Again, no whore is ever an upgrade. And if this isn’t a whore turned wife-tress situation, what self respecting woman looks at herself as an upgrade from another woman? Seriously- how old are you?

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Oh dear God! Do these narcissistic nitwits ever stop with this nonsense? No, when you fuck another woman’s husband YOU ARE A BAD PERSON! You can tell yourself you’re “better”. You can convince yourself that she deserved it. You can call each other soul mates and speak of destiny and fate. The reality is you are a horrible person.

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Yeah, no. They are not equal comparisons. In my case, when I forgave him, I had over 18 years invested with him. She had 3 months. We were not on equal footing. I had a home, children, pets, and an entire life with him. She had promises and future plans. She encroached on MY life. I didn’t encroach on hers. You don’t get to draw parallels between the woman who knowingly inserts herself into someone else’s relationship and the woman who is fighting to keep her family together and to save her marriage.

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Again, no comparison. While I think I would definitely err on the side of dumping his pathetic cheating ass now I can’t and won’t fault any woman who wants to fight for her marriage. No, the side piece of a few months does not get the same kind of recognition as the wife of many years.

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Another parallel that I hate. I have a theory. When you choose to reconcile your anger and hatred needs to go somewhere. She is a safe target for that hatred. Plus, chances are she’s never going to actually experience your wrath. Hell, Harley has remained unscathed completely through both affairs with my husband.

It’s difficult to claim you love someone while at the same time screaming at them and spewing out vile words. I also think that in cases where real reconciliation can take place that those venomous words do fly. It’s when you subconsciously realize that the cheater won’t ever be able to take it that you temper your words. So, the other woman becomes an easy target.

I’ll also say that the relationships are different. The other woman is often nobody to the wife. Maybe she knows her, but it’s generally in passing. She’s a work colleague. She’s somebody he knows from the bar or soccer or the co-ed softball team and the wife knows of her, maybe has met her once or twice, but they don’t hang out. They aren’t friends. She doesn’t usually go out of her way to apologize for her behavior. She’s nobody to the wife except the bitch that fucked her husband and isn’t one bit sorry about it.

On the other hand, the husband lives with her. Maybe he’s apologized. Maybe he’s agonizing over what he’s put her through. He’s taken the brunt of her anger. He’s listened to her and she’s yelled and screamed. And at the end of the day she lives with him. Perhaps even still loves him.

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That’s so profound. Golly, now that I know he CHOSE to wreck our home with Harley I’ll no longer call her a home wrecker. Because…. why exactly? Is the point supposed to be that if he chose to fuck around with her she must be something special? We all know that’s not true. Just more bullshit from cheaters and their whores.

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Yes, because divorce means never having to pay child support. These really piss me off. I’m working my ass off and I’m still barely making enough money to pay for everything that needs to be paid for. I’m entitled to child support. You don’t get to go off and fuck someone else and then just stop providing for your children because you’ve decided you want a new life.

Even when I wasn’t “working” I was still raising children. I was still paying bills. I was still doing things. I was still there for my kids. If I could make it work on what I received from child and spousal support without working outside of the home then so be it.

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How charming! Yes, keep hitting them while they’re down. As for me I prefer: The worst day without my lying cheating shit eating chimp is still better than the best day with him.

 

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Three more examples of bullshit. Again, how old are these women? I’m thinking with the way they act they are much too young to be getting married! The ex-wife must be pyscho, ugly, a bad mom, fat, and bad in bed? Oh of course! Because your soul mate would never cheat simply because he’s a lying cheater! It must be because of all the ex’s faults! And the new vagina is always an upgrade. Because nothing says classy like referring to yourself as the upgrade or snarking about how the betrayed spouse obviously had nothing to offer to a good man. Hey, little tip: Good men don’t cheat.

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Now we’re back to: I didn’t leave for the affair partner. Honey, if he’s still married while he’s fucking you you are indeed a cheating whore. You’re welcome!

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She’s a manipulative, lying, gold digging whore who has ripped apart their lives… oh but sorry, I don’t often even speak of her, much less badmouth her to my kids.

And that concludes bullshit that must be refuted.