My Condolences, Asshole

No contact is so hard sometimes! There are times I would really like to let loose on CF but I don’t. It’s especially hard when I have people telling me I shouldn’t let him get away with saying the crap he says. I tell myself instead that the fact I won’t engage him makes him furious. I am frequently reminded over on Chump Lady that ignoring him and going on with my life without acknowledging him is the greatest insult I could lob at him.

What has brought this on, pray tell? I’m so glad you asked! It’s April 29th and CF still has half of my spousal support to pay. As of the 20th of this month he had paid one half of the child support. That was it. Two thirds of the way through the month and he had paid less than a quarter of what he owed. Call me crazy for worrying about whether or not it would get paid but the man doesn’t have a great track record. I don’t think I’m completely out of bounds for thinking this might be the month he decides not to pay.

On top of that April has been a bitch as far as finances go. I had to pay taxes this year. Quite a bit, too. Cheerleading fees for this month were out of this world high because of U.S. Finals and Summit coaching fees, plus required practice wear for Summit, in addition to the regular fee. I then had to pay an additional fee for her actually going to Summit which included her park pass and probably the entry fee for her. Picasso somehow managed to break his bed so that had to be replaced. I was supposed to buy plane tickets to Orlando for our Summit trip; at this point we are now driving the 17 hours. Thanks, Asshole. I needed to book a hotel for the same trip. Plus, as an additional bonus I found out that the final date to buy passes for the parks and the competition was April 23rd; he didn’t pay me again until the 24th. I will now have to pay more money to get into the parks and to the competition. Again, thank you, Asshole. I have to pay my CPA. I got yet another lawyer bill for over $400, seeing as how she’s finally getting me my share of the 401k and pension. Of course, she sends me the same damn shit three or four times and I pay for each and every copy, along with postage. My daughter has prom next month and still hadn’t bought a dress. Next month I’m sure I will be bombarded with prom expenses (shoes, hair, nails, etc.) and the following month is her graduation. I still need to buy graduation announcements because she decided she wanted to do picture announcements instead of the traditional ones. Plus, I am still planning on heading to Utah for a wedding in June, which will involve me buying three plane tickets. But who the hell knows when he’ll finally get May’s support to me?

Because he doesn’t have the greatest track record, and because I don’t want him to harbor any illusions that I’ll silently suffer through another ten months of little to no support, I texted him. I was polite and professional. I told him the month was almost over and he had only paid half of his child support so far; I then asked him if he had a plan for catching up.

See? Polite and professional.

He mulled that over for the weekend and decided to grace me with a response on Monday, later in the day.

Don’t stress yourself. The money will be paid.

What a condescending twat waffle! Don’t stress myself? Gosh, I can’t imagine why I would stress. It’s not like he’s ever not paid…. Oh… Wait…. My bad.

He follows that up with:

If you absolutely must know, I am catching up from funeral expenses for my mother. Thank you for your condolences and those of the children as well.

There is so much material here! Where do I even begin?

If I absolutely must know? Motherfucker, you owe me money! Damn right I must know. Don’t neglect your legal obligation and then act like you’re doing me some kind of a favor. If you want a break for paying your mom’s funeral expenses then perhaps you should contact me and arrange something with me. Would it be so difficult to say,”Sam, I’m helping to pay my mom’s funeral expenses. I’m a little short on cash this month. I’m going to pay you X amount this month and I’ll catch up next month,”? Or even, “I’m going to be paying later this month than I normally do.”

Of course it would! Who am I to request civility from this majestic god? He is so far above me. He owes me nothing and I should be grateful for whatever scraps he throws my way.

He would never do such a thing because it’s much more fun to leave me hanging in the wind, wondering when, or if, he’s going to pay.

I think he loves the game playing. He thinks he’s got all the power when he controls the money. He was ordered to pay on the first. Ooh, let’s see if I can get a toe over the line. He asked if he could pay every other week. Let’s see if I can get the whole foot across the line. Once I okayed that request he promptly shit all over it and decided to pay the full monthly amount but to switch it up and pay four times a month instead. Then he bounced a check, promptly paid what was due and began sending me money electronically. The catch? He now has to send the spousal support in two separate payments, so his total support payment is paid in six installments. Ah, more power.

If you must absolutely know I was catching up on funeral expenses for my mother.

I don’t care if I sound like a total bitch. You pay me and then you worry about your mom’s funeral expenses. When Jezebel and Pastor Fake ask you to contribute to the cause you tell them what you can contribute after you’ve paid your support. You have a legal obligation to pay me support; you have no such legal obligation to pay for your mother’s funeral. Ask your whore to forego tanning or a trip to the nail salon or some fantastic event for her kid so that she can pay a little extra towards the household expenses.

I’m curious as well. #1- If Pastor Fake had all this money to loan you while you were milking a PTSD diagnosis, and you drained your 401k and used it to pay him back instead of helping to support your kids, where did all that money go? Why couldn’t Pastor Fake foot the bill on his own? #2- If you hid the bulk of what I was supposedly looking for then why can’t you pay for your mom’s funeral and pay your support obligation? I would think with all that money you claimed to have stashed away you wouldn’t have a problem with paying all your obligations.

Thank you for your condolences and those of the children as well.

My condolences? You didn’t even bother to inform me that she had died, you asshole! I wasn’t worthy of being notified. I was nothing. So take your request for condolences and shove them up your ass!

You made a good show of playing the victim for Rock Star with your, “I know you hate me but your grandmother loves you like crazy and she’s done nothing to you. You don’t even have to talk to me. I’ll just put the phone up to her ear and you can say something,”. Quite honestly though once time of death had been called I don’t think you ever bothered to tell her, and you certainly didn’t tell your son seeing as how you don’t have his number and can’t think of any way to get it. You also never bothered to inform them of the funeral arrangements. Was that to save yourself the hassle of trying to figure out which kids to bring- your real kids or your fake kids? It might have been awkward, huh? Playing the fucked up version of the Brady Bunch at their grandmother’s funeral. Although to be fair, you do seem to think that a funeral is the place for public unveiling of salacious relationships. It might have been the perfect time to introduce your kids to their replacements!

That’s my long roundabout way of telling you to fuck off with your victim morphing and trying to lay a guilt trip on my kids.

Another question: Why in the hell are you referring to them as “the children”? That sounds more like Harley writing your texts for you. Is she upset she doesn’t have all of your money to play with? Must be a letdown for her. She thought she was getting an additional $5000 per month and it’s more like $2000. Still, not bad for lying on your back.

Furthermore, let’s not pretend that my condolences would have been graciously accepted if they had been extended. You just wanted me to tell you how sorry I was so that you could ignore me and show me how insignificant I am in your life. Or so that you could have told me my condolences were neither needed or wanted.

You’re pissed that I ignored you and didn’t cater to your image of victim.

Do you still not understand that we are not friends? I don’t like you. I don’t like anything about you.

Your mother refused to cut Harley off after your first affair, continued to interact with her knowing the damage she had done to our marriage, and then encouraged her to call you which resulted in you two dipshits reigniting your affair and you planning to leave me. Can’t say I’m much of a fan of hers either.

I know; it’s very upsetting when someone dies and certain people refuse to put them up on a pedestal and canonize them as a saint. Whatever misdeeds occurred before death are supposed to be forgiven. How dare I not humble myself before you and your family, all of whom have treated me horribly and haven’t treated my kids much better?

Finally, let’s not pretend that if it had been my mom you would have been there front and center, offering up condolences and sending flowers. You couldn’t be bothered to accompany me to either of my grandmothers’ funerals, and that was when we were married. I don’t see you spending one single minute trying to comfort me now. Again, we’re not friends. I could easily argue that me not offering up condolences, and you keeping your mouth shut had it happened to me, was actually the kinder thing to do.

I wouldn’t want a birthday card or a Christmas newsletter or condolences from my rapist. I don’t want anything from you either. Much like how you told me you were doing me a favor by setting me free from the burden of being your wife, I did you a favor by not intruding on your grief with my unwanted and insincere condolences.

You’re welcome.

Feeling Sorry For the Soul-less

I am an idiot. I truly am. But I’m getting better!

As I sat in that courtroom over a week ago I felt myself feeling bad for Cousinfucker. I think it might have been when his attorney asked him why he married me and he replied that he thought he had found someone who accepted him, someone who loved him despite all his issues. At that moment I felt like I had failed. He had married me because I loved him and accepted him, warts and all, and then I let him down. I didn’t do enough. I didn’t love him hard enough. I wasn’t accepting enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I had failed him as a wife somehow despite all of my good intentions back on December 10th, 1994.

I bought into it, folks. I listened as he choked up. I watched as he sat at his table, wringing his hands. I fell for it. I felt bad. I thought to myself, “This is what we’ve come to. Twenty-three years after meeting and this is how it ends. I once loved this person. I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to raise a family with him. I was his partner. His biggest cheerleader. His constant support. What the hell happened?”

At one point I even thought to myself, “I’ve broken him down enough. I can feel content with whatever the judge rules.”

I felt bad for him when he talked about his crappy car and how he couldn’t get a loan because his credit was crap. I felt bad when he talked about not being able to get another VA loan unless he repaid them the $76,000 they had to pay to cover the loss on our house. I felt bad for him when he talked about not being able to cope, needing a support system, his sick mom, and not being able to find another job that paid as well as his old one. I felt bad for him when he said he had applied for over 60 jobs and was turned down for many of them because he “made too much money” and they couldn’t meet his salary demands. I even felt bad about the fact that he was going to be left with pretty much nothing in his retirement because he was going to have to use most of it to pay his arrears to me and might end up having to pay another $10,000 or more to me in legal fees.

Then I got over it. He’s so very good at making himself into a victim that even when you’ve been there every step of the way you can still sometimes be sucked into it.

Let’s start with the obvious. He chose this for himself. He chose to have an affair. He knew he would lose half. He should have known it wasn’t going to be cheap. And yet for months he and Harley spent like drunken sailors on shore leave. I will repeat that he handed over approximately $5000 PER MONTH to her with no bills on his part. I am the one who paid the mortgage, the phone bill, the marital debt, the car payment, the car insurance, and the utilities. His money went for frivolous things for the whore and her kids. They lived large while my kids and I pinched pennies. FIVE GRAND! She bought Vera Bradley crap, spent it at the sporting goods store, bought a $300 dress for her daughter, spent $800 on Christmas gifts, ate out, paid her utilities, installed DirecTV, paid for glasses for the entire family, went on vacation, paid for her divorce… hell, they lived it up.

That’s not even taking into consideration the almost $6200 worth of stock he cashed in, or the $5000 loan he took out on his 401k. All of that gone! That paid for the new puppies he bought her kids and the $4200 engagement ring he bought the whore.

Hey, do you think that if instead of handing over every penny to the whore he actually saved some of that he might not be in the situation he’s in now? As my mom said, “He should have bought himself a damn new car when he had $5000 a month to blow!” Exactly!

He would have had more money if he hadn’t watched a damn pool being constructed in our backyard the entire time he was carrying on with Harley. He could have stopped it when the contractor told us it would cost an extra $11k to excavate the boulders from our yard. He didn’t. He kept up the charade. He could have stopped me from spending the extra on the stamped concrete and the lights in the concrete. He didn’t. He kept up the charade. He kept up that charade to the tune of $57,000! Funny thing about that…

I told him the money I had placed in the separate account was supposed to go towards paying off the pool. I gave him a bill for his half of the household expenses. He didn’t want to listen or comply. Oh no! He wanted to give Harley five grand a month. He wanted to cut off me and his kids. No way to buy groceries? Oh well! Use the money you took, the money that has been set aside to pay for that pool. So instead of splitting $30,000+ we got to split $15,000+. That’s all on him. Not that it would have made much of a difference. I’m sure even if he had done it the way I wanted he still wouldn’t have any of that money left because Harley does indeed spend it like water, just as The Saint told me.

Here’s another fact. According to our temporary support order he was to pay off the pool with the bonus money and then we were to split the remainder. Guess which one of us still had that $8085 in their account come June when he was forced to resign and which one of us had blown through every penny. Can you guess? Can you? If you said, “I think it was Sam that still had the money,” then you would be absolutely correct!

Where did all of his money go? It sure didn’t go to pay child support. I’m thinking that $8000 might have bought a pretty nice used car. But instead it all went to Harley and her kids. Now he has the sadz because he can’t buy a car.

I find it very interesting that he whines that I spent every dime he ever made and he had nothing to show for it, and she whines that The Saint spent her into bankruptcy three times, and yet when you put the two financial geniuses together they have a whopping $165 in their joint bank account right before Christmas. I’m thinking maybe I’m not the problem…

The nitwit had $5000 to spend every month and still he charged thousands of dollars on his American Express.Then he didn’t pay the bill because he blew through all his money!

When you get right down to it he and Harley lived it up like there was no tomorrow and now their note is being called in; it’s time for them to pay up. It’s going to hurt. A lot. Because he hasn’t done the right thing one damn time for the last two plus years.

If that’s not enough to make you say, “Hell no I won’t feel sorry for him! He brought it all upon himself!” then let’s try this on for size.

He and his whore moved from her trashy home into an upscale house with a community pool and clubhouse. It looks almost identical to the house he forced his own children to flee. They voluntarily took on this new, higher rent payment and the supposed higher utility bills, and now everyone is supposed to feel sorry for him. They’ve also voluntarily put over $1000 in repairs to this rental in exchange for reductions in rent or pet deposits. Hey, guess who’s problem that is? Not mine! He chose that. Maybe he shouldn’t have bought Harley and her kids two new dogs.

Between the two of them they bring home over $11,000/month. I don’t know what her bills were like before she began shacking up with my husband, but I can tell you CF hasn’t paid a single marital bill since I busted his sorry ass. He hasn’t paid any bill associated with me since I busted his sorry ass. I also know that according to him in his sworn testimony he was completely financially supported by his whore, which makes me think she makes enough money to cover all of their household bills. That makes his earnings extra. Play money, if you will. Additionally, he has dropped over $3500/month in bills, at a minimum. And still he cries poverty. Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, maybe they shouldn’t have taken on such an expensive home when he had a substantial support payment to make. The utilities seem to be killing them. Find yourself a nice little 3 bedroom apartment. I bet they’d save a lot of money that way. I know. I’m such a helper.

As my attorney pointed out, he has plenty of money. He just prioritizes everything over me and his kids.

If it’s true that he can’t get a higher paying job due to the area then that, too, is his own fault. He could move me and our kids all around the country but suddenly he needs to stay in one place. He tries to make it sound like it’s because his “support system” is there, but as my attorney declared in court, “You don’t want to leave your girlfriend.” So the kids and I are supposed to do without because he wants to get laid on a regular basis. Again, feel real sorry for him.

That 401k he cashed in? That supposedly went to his stepfather to pay him back. Pastor Fake and Tammy Faye haven’t had an extra dime to their name in 20 years. I find it terribly hard to believe they loaned him any money. Again, as my lawyer pointed out, if his story is true he chose to pay back Pastor Fake instead of sending a dime of support money to his children. Hey- maybe he should have bought a car!

I admit it. I fall for it initially. I feel bad because he has almost no retirement. I feel bad because his car is falling apart and he can’t get a loan. I feel bad because his kids won’t talk to him. I feel bad because he might end up having to pay a substantial amount of my legal bills. I feel bad for him because he can’t pay his own legal bills. I feel bad for him because the tax implications of what he has done are going to end up costing him an arm and a leg.

And then I get over it. Not because I’m a cold hearted bitch but because in every circumstance he brought it upon himself.

That car of his that is falling apart now? It had low, low mileage on it until he chose to start his affair with Harley. Driving 600 miles round trip every weekend for 6 months will put some definite wear and tear on your car. According to his court testimony he moved in with Harley when he moved so he was actually commuting the two hours each way to work for the four months he had a job. That’s another great way to put plenty of miles on your car. And now you want me to feel sorry for you because your car suddenly has over 100,000 miles on it? I don’t think so.

He voluntarily left his great paying job of 15 years so he could get closer to his whore. He tried to convince the judge he moved because he was forced to, but as I always like to point out the order said vacate the marital residence OR pay $750/month in rent. Or. It’s a very important word. It also said nothing about quitting his job and moving out of the damn state.

I would still have money in the bank if he had not lost his job and basically said, “Sayonara!” And get this- I still had money in the bank despite the fact that I was paying 100% of the household bills on roughly 66% of his paycheck. Granted, for that short period of time he was only keeping about $3200 of his check. Before you cry too many tears for him keep in mind he had no bills either. Maybe he had to pay his phone bill, but aside from that- no bills. His car was paid off. I was paying his car insurance. I was left with all of the marital debt to pay. And he was living with his whore of a girlfriend so no apartment or utilities of his own.

He had no nest egg because he and Harley played and played and played with all that money he brought in. He didn’t save a damn thing. He left restricted stock behind; he could be cashing in close to $10,000 a year for the next four years. He’d have to split it with me, of course, but after that, it would all be his. He blew through the money he got from selling his remaining stock. He blew through $5000 and then $3000 a month plus his $8000 bonus. He chose that course of action. He took vacations and bribed kids and spoiled a whore. Now it’s time to pay the piper. It must really suck.

I feel bad about him no longer having any kind of retirement, too, but again that is all on him. I didn’t tell him to take out a $5000 loan on his 401k to buy Harley an engagement ring. Why in the fuck did he need to take a loan out on his 401k anyway? He had FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH to just play with. He had just cashed in almost $6200 worth of stock. I saw the receipts for the damn ring. It cost $4200. So why did he need an additional $5000 loan? I sure as hell didn’t tell him it would be a great idea to quit his damn job before he paid the loan off. That cost him in taxes and penalties, I’m sure.

He voluntarily cashed in his other 401k. He didn’t use it to pay support. He used it for God only knows what. Probably more trinkets for the whore and her kids. More trips. More fun. And now let’s everyone feel sorry for him. Nope. Not going to do it.

I don’t think there’s any way around him taking a big chunk out of his 401k for the first set of arrears. He could have mitigated the damage, though. He could have worked a part time job; he was in full-time treatment for less than a week and then went down to half days and then even less often than that. I worked two jobs. I worked retail. I worked jobs that didn’t require a college education. Why couldn’t he? Oh, that’s right. He didn’t want to. Would it have covered his entire support obligation. No, he’d still be behind but he wouldn’t have owed $28,800. He could have sent me something all along. He could have asked a family member or his whore. “Hey, you all encouraged me to leave her. Can you help a fellow out, please?”

When he was forced to resign he was paid around $4000 for that month. He kept every penny. Didn’t send me anything. That would have alleviated his burden. He chose to hand it over to Harley and her kids.

He definitely could have avoided the second set. He got a new job. He chose to put everyone and everything before me and the kids. Had he told his whore, “Hey- I’ve got this new job and I know it seems like I’m bringing in good money again, but keep in mind I owe Sam over half of my paycheck so we need to budget based on what I have left over after I pay her,” then he wouldn’t need to take yet another huge chunk out of what is left of his 401k. I still think Harley wanted her $5k that she had grown accustomed to and so he gave me whatever was left over after she had her fill.

There would also be more had he not taken considerably more than he needed to pay me my first set of arrears. Remember, he owed me $28,000 and took out $50,000. Even with the taxes he still had over $12,000 left. I’m sure he spent lavishly on the whore and her kids once again. So guess what? Those feelings of sympathy are quickly fading away.

It’s the same thing with his legal bills and all the tax implications he may be facing come tax time. These are all things he’s brought upon himself. He chooses to play first and then worry about bills. He is obviously adopting Tammy Faye’s philosophy of letting the Lord provide. He must have forgotten that the Lord provided by having him pay for Tammy Faye’s financial mishaps. He doesn’t have a Cousinfucker around to pay his bills. Jezebel isn’t going to do it. She’s all about herself and what she wants. Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake can’t do it. I don’t see Blockhead taking away from his own family to give to his alcoholic “best friend” that made him look like an ass at his company. And Harley won’t do it because she thought she had found herself a sugar daddy. She’s not looking to support another husband. She wants him contributing to her lavish lifestyle.

Furthermore, if he hadn’t been such a colossal dick about everything I wouldn’t have the legal bills I have. The bill my lawyer submitted to the courts totaled $19,000. It didn’t include the expert witness (over $5000) or my first attorney’s fees (approximately $2500) and I’m not sure it included the trial (9.5 hours at $250/hour- not a cheap day).

He’s the one that chose to move out of state and quit his job without saying a word to me, letting me just guess as to what was going on and whether or not he planned to ever pay another dime in support.

He’s the one that then lost his new job due to drinking repeatedly at work. It came out during court he had been warned upwards of ten times!

He’s the one that chose to keep me in the dark about what was going on when he lost his job. From June until January, piecing together what little bits of information I was given via lawyers, I thought he had been readmitted to the psych ward. It wasn’t until January of this year that I found out he had checked himself into the VA for alcohol treatment. It was around that time that I also found out he hadn’t been in full time. He was there for about 3 days and then did outpatient.

He never bothered to keep me informed. He never bothered to send even a hundred dollars our way. He never bothered to respond to my email letting him know we had moved. He never asked about the kids. He never told me he was looking for a job and would try to send money. We were never a thought for him.

He had no intentions of trying to make a good faith offer. He offered up $700/month in spousal support for 9 1/2 years and didn’t want to pay even table support for his children.

So yes, he can help pay my legal bills.

I think he fared pretty well in our property settlement. I still believe he got away with a lot of shit he shouldn’t have. For starters he got to count the $27,000 I took to support our children when he tried to financially strangle us, against me. The tens of thousands of dollars he walked away from in restricted stock was never even addressed. Even though everything else (money spent on Harley, the stock cashed in, the arrears) was accounted for in the final tally he got to roll everything into the 401k and add and subtract from that. I have no doubt he’ll whine to everyone that he had to take on almost all of the debt. He’ll forget to add on the part where I had to pay him for 50% of that debt, and that the 50% I paid was the debt that was on paper. It wasn’t what he ended up settling the debt for.

Don’t even get me started on his kids not talking to him! He brought all of that shit on himself. I told him in no uncertain terms that his daughter would refuse to have anything to do with either of us if we cheated. I knew this for a fact.

The summer of ’13 when he was, unbeknownst to me, still carrying on his affair with Harley, Rock Star and I went to the gym together. She told me afterwards that a guy there had scared her. I asked her what had happened, thinking maybe someone had yelled at her or been mean to her. It turned out some guy who “looked like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson” had smiled at her. Scary, I know! So I jokingly told her, “If some guy that looked like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson smiled at me I’d be saying, ‘Hello there!’ and smiling right back!”

She was appalled! “Mom, if you ever cheated on my dad I would never speak to you again! I’d go live with him. I wouldn’t have anything to do with you.”

Knowing about his dalliance with Harley (which I thought was over) I asked what would happen if her dad cheated. She told me it would be the same thing. She’d have nothing to do with him and would live with me.

I told him about this conversation after he was busted later that summer. I told him that and I told him that Rock Star would have hated Harley and would never have gotten along with her kids. He knew all that. He even admitted that both kids were much closer to me than to him. Yet he still chose to have another affair with her. He chose to abandon his children to be with her.

He’s the one that couldn’t be bothered to talk to his kids when he lived in the same house. He’s the one that has chosen not to drive to see his kids even one time since he left town in February of 2016. He’s the one that spent hundreds, if not thousands, on kids that didn’t belong to him while spending nothing on his own flesh and blood. He’s the one that couldn’t be bothered to do things with or for his own kids while he trips over himself to prove what a great dad he is to the whore’s kids. He’s the one that has chosen to focus on himself each and every time he texts his daughter, and he’s the one that has chosen to basically ignore his son. He’s the one that has orchestrated all of this. Turns out he’s a horrible conductor.

Each time I start to feel sorry for him and his current circumstances I need to think about myself last year around this time. I was working two jobs, 16 hours a day some days. I went in at 2 and 3 in the morning. I was barely making ends meet and if not for my mother the kids and I would have been homeless. I went in to work at 4 am on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was simply my first day off in 21 days; there was no joy. I’d get to turn around and work another 6 days in a row when the New Year’s Day holiday would give me another day off.

I need to think about all the times I cried because I had no idea what was going on. Way back in February of 2016 when he moved out of state without a word to us. June of 2016 when he simply told me he had lost his job and wouldn’t be sending me anymore money. I cried every day for damn near a year because of him and his choices, so if he’s feeling a little down now because consequences are finally catching up to him then too damn bad!

I need to think about the utter chaos he has brought into my kid’s lives. I need to picture them both when I had to tell them their dad and I were getting a divorce and he had a girlfriend; I need to remember how they burst into tears. I need the image of Rock Star’s face seared into my brain when I had to break the news to her that we would have to move. Again. I need to remind myself of how unhappy she was for the first four months or so after we moved, and how devastated she was when she discovered she couldn’t get her license on time. All thanks to her dear old dad who was living it up with his whore and her kids. I need to remember all the times I had to tell them I couldn’t do something for them. Couldn’t buy something for them. Couldn’t be there for something for them. All because he decided he could do better.

I have had a conversation with Picasso recently where he said he would be willing to meet with his dad if his dad actually made an effort. If his dad showed up where he lived he would go with him because that, to him, would show effort; he would not turn him away. He would be willing to listen and spend time with him. Texting him, sending him a gift with a message, sending him a card, or posting on Facebook aren’t acts of effort according to him.

I have seriously mulled over the idea of contacting him and letting him know this. I’ve also considered letting him know about Rock Star’s upcoming cheer competition.

Here’s what trips me up. I don’t think he really cares. I honestly don’t. I think he said what he needed to say to not look like a complete ass in court. I don’t think he gives these kids one fucking thought. For all of his fake tears and supposed remorse they are not at the forefront of his mind. I think letting him know any of this would basically be begging him to show an interest in them. I’m not sure it would do any good and I would hate for them to ever find out he’s been given chance after chance to be a part of their lives and he’s declined each and every invitation. I think he likes to use them as a chance to play the victim. It’s a great way for everyone to feel sorry for him because his mean ex-wife has alienated his children against him and he loves them and misses them so much. He has done nothing to be a part of his kids’ lives. He did nothing when he lived with them. He has done nothing now. He moved out of the fucking state without saying a word to them. He didn’t let them know he was moving out of the house, much less moving 6 or 7 hours away. He doesn’t text regularly. He doesn’t call. He has never once bothered to drive to see his kids since moving out.

I saw a very powerful comment on Chump Lady today which relates to this. I think it’s worth repeating and definitely worth taking to heart:

…I look at the now ex’s life through my own lens. I see his world and life how I would see and feel it. I can’t imagine how it would feel to be him and have lost everything that I hold dear. But there is where the fault in my viewpoint is. These are things I hold dear. Not the ex. I see life through my empathy, my values, my happiness. He doesn’t see his life this way.

Wise words and they are ones I will remember.

In the end he did this to himself. He chose this. He listened to everyone he had previously said didn’t care about him and he took their advice. He listened to Blockhead who was never around. He listened to Tammy Faye and Pastor Fake, two people who couldn’t manage money if you gave them detailed instructions. He listened to Jezebel, his sister who repeatedly tried to marry up and who never really lost anything in any of her divorces. All of them told him he deserved to be happy and that I was the root cause of his unhappiness. I’m sure they all told him that he wouldn’t take much of a hit financially. Hell, I know his mom thought I couldn’t possibly take everything. Blockhead divorced after seven years of marriage; there was no alimony because his wife worked as well and there was no child support because there were no children. Jezebel never had to worry about paying any kind of support, and she didn’t worry too much about what kind of a settlement she would get because she was always trading in one husband for another. All of them tell him what he wants to hear instead of hitting him with the cold hard truth. These are the people with whom he surrounds himself. Stupid, stupid move. I don’t feel sorry for him at all. He wanted this; he got it. If he’s not happy with his new and improved life that’s not my problem. And this time? I’m really and truly believing it.

P.S. While he has been ordered to pay me $4600/month which is a huge chunk of his check that amount will only be in effect for six months. Rock Star turns 18 and graduates in June. He will end up with another $600-$900 in his pocket after that. I, on the other hand, will still have Rock Star living with me. I’ll still be paying her phone bill and her car insurance. I’ll be the one arranging travel to wherever she decides to attend college. If she goes to her first choice I will be on the hook for several expensive airline tickets a year. I’ll still be the one she asks for money while she’s away at school. I’ll still have her on my expensive work health insurance. My bills for her won’t decrease much, if at all, but CF will have more money in his pocket.

I know this is three years into the future but once Picasso graduates he will be down to paying $2800/month. Period. I will have two children in college at that time. They will still be needing things. I will still be paying for phones and car insurance and health insurance. I will be completely surprised if he does a damn thing for either of them, even without having to pay child support.

Plenty of Bullshit From CF

This is the kind of mind fucking I got from him. All of the time! I still can’t reconcile how I was his rock, his savior, a saint less than a year before he began his affair with the whore again. Instead of getting mad (or getting a headache!) let’s make fun of his text messages instead!

July 2014

I am a saint and his rock. I am his everything, according to his texts. I try to believe him. He’s willing to do anything for me. So he says. I hope I’m not being played. (I was.)

I will do anything for you. Anything. There is nothing I won’t do for you. Please know that. You are my life. Above anything. I love you to my core. And I will do anything to make you happy. There is nothing I can even imagine that I would not do for you. Nothing. My entire life is committed to your happiness. Just ask. Anything. And I will do it.

Anything, huh? Will you stop fucking your cousin? Will you start paying your court ordered child support? Will you step up and be an actual father to your kids?

Hmmm… maybe I should send this to him and give him a list of my requests! Hey, Cousinfucker, remember back before you conned me into moving across the country and you told me you loved me to the core and you promised to do anything to make me happy? You told me you couldn’t imagine that there was anything you wouldn’t do for me. You’re slacking off here, buddy! I need spousal support, child support, a divorce. Hey, if you could have refrained from having an affair with your cousin that would have been great, but that’s already a done deal. Can’t change the past.

I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t want to burden the kids. If you think it is too much, then I won’t take them to see her. I don’t want to hurt them. I realize you don’t want to talk about this. And I thank you for doing it. I am so sorry for all the wrongs I have done. And I can’t even begin to express much I love you. You have taken all of me. The predominantly bad. And the very little good.

Yeah, I did take the predominantly bad, didn’t I? You don’t understand what you add to my life? Stand in line, Cousinfucker, because I have no idea what you added to my life either. Were you a partner? Nope. Were you a decent father? Nope. Good in bed? Negative. A social butterfly that helped us gain new friends? Nyet. Someone who cheered me on and supported me? Oh good God no! Make good money? Well, only until you started fucking your cousin. Then you decided to quit two jobs in four months and abandon all of your responsibilities.

You know what this really is? It’s victim morphing. I’m so worthless. Why do you love me? I have so little to offer you. And like clockwork I come along and tell him how wonderful he is and assure him that he isn’t worthless and that he adds so much to our lives.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Thank you for being a saint and my rock.

Yeah, I was a saint and your rock. Blah, blah, blah. A damn lot of good that did me!

Cry Me A River

I swear he is the saddest of the sad sausages.  I’m dealing with a child who will soon have her actual driver’s license, one that will entitle her to get in a car and drive with no adult present.  She has been told for years that when she’s ready to drive she will get her dad’s car and he would buy a beater truck, which for some reason, was his dream.  Then reality punched us in the face.  Her dad fucked his cousin, we’re living on 66% of what we used to have while I pay 100% of the bills, and he refuses to contribute a single penny above what he is court ordered to pay.  He’s a real Prince Charming and an excellent father according to the whore.  As I’ve said before I believe the person to bestow “excellent father” credentials on him should be his actual children, but I digress.

She tried to call him the other day but coward that he is he wouldn’t pick up the phone.  She was left texting him instead.  She merely asked him if he could get a loan and she would make the payments.  He once again begins giving her his sob story:  I just sent your mother $$$$$! (Well, yes, you did but you also sent me my share of the bonus check which means you, too, have that much money!  You keep leaving that part out!)  Your mom takes 75% of my paycheck.  Everything I make I send to you guys.  I don’t even know if I would qualify for a loan because I have no money.

She looks at me while she’s texting him and asks, “Does he honestly expect me to feel sorry for him?  He put himself in this situation!”  I know, Rock Star; I know.  It is sad when your teenage daughter has more common sense than the man you called a husband for twenty plus years.

I wish I could say that was the best part of the conversation but it got so much better.  He sarcastically thanks her for remembering him on Memorial Day.  “Memorial Day is for remembering the dead, not thanking the living,” she retorts.  She should know that Memorial Day is the worst for him, he tells her.  Boo fucking hoo!  I’ve got an idea.  Why don’t you turn to your conniving, gold digging whore for comfort on that day?  Rock Star did say she was tempted to tell him she figured he was busy with Harley and didn’t want to disturb him.  Instead she told him the worst day of her life was finding out that her dad was cheating on her mom.  Put down any drinks you may be consuming.  Make sure there is no food in your mouth; I wouldn’t want you to choke.  His reply to this?  I’m sorry about that but your mother never loved me.

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.  Rock Star was astounded.  How can he say that?  “You did so much for him!  You wouldn’t have done all of that if you didn’t love him, would you?” she asks me.

I shake my head thinking about his distorted thinking.  Your mother never loved me therefore I was entitled to cheat on her.  Well, sure!  Go fuck your cousin then!  Who wants to do something so practical as file for divorce or attempt actual marital counseling where you don’t sit there like a bump on a log and let your wife do all the talking and then complain because you don’t like the truth?  This divorce shit is hard and it’s no fun doing it alone!  No, instead let’s find someone to hold your hand, wipe your brow and suck your dick while you fuck me over.  That’s the only sensible thing to do.  Line up your next sucker before you get rid of the previous sucker.

I wish I could say that was the end of the conversation but alas, it was not.  He informs her that he was in a car accident that day and he almost died!  Does anyone else notice the death motif that seems to permeate his life?  Every crisis brings him thisclose to death!  He is always almost dying.  I can’t decide if he’s extremely unfortunate or extremely lucky.  Hmmm…. so close to the jaws of death and yet he always manages to save himself at the last minute.  Tough call.  You would think that with all these close brushes with death he might decide to be a better person…

He ended the conversation by telling her he sometimes wanted to just run his car off the road and die.  She told me it was really hard for her not to tell him to go ahead.  Instead she said nothing and I’m sure he’s crying about that now.  No one cares if I die!!!

Along with being the saddest of sausages he’s also one of the most stupid sausages.  I found out this week that he’s using Harley’s address as his home address for taxes.  Blech!  So either he’s lying and he’s going to potentially have to pay state income tax in two different states (dumbass!) or he’s commuting some 90 minutes each way at the very least every day.  I also discovered that his new job came with a promotion.  Yet his net income is actually less than what he was making.  What kind of an idiot moves out of state, away from his kids, and takes a promotion that doesn’t even pay him 5% more than his current salary?  Idiot!

I have heard it said that it is almost impossible to get to Meh when you’re still going through the divorce.  I might have to disagree with that.  I no longer have any fucks to give.  At this point he is more comedy fodder than anything.  I’m not sure how that will ever stop being the case when you’re dealing with someone who is so completely dealing outside of the realm of reality.  Nonetheless, it sure feels like Tuesday most days.