The $172 Tire Charged in Whore Town

July 2015

Why can’t I have a relaxing vacation?  No stress?  No freak outs?  We had donuts for breakfast and headed to the beach for a few hours.  Had lunch at one of Mom’s favorite restaurants.  I texted Zack this morning to see if he was already on the road.  Nope, the mechanics supposedly couldn’t get the machine working so he’s staying an extra day.  Then he’s heading onto his home state.  Sound familiar?  I’m going to go see my mom.  Of course you are!  So I suck that up and tell him I’m fine with it; she’s his mom and of course it’s all fine.  Next, because we’re going to go shopping I check our account balance.  First, he sent another $50 to his mom.  It’s not enough that he sent $500 2 days ago.  Nope, need to send another $50.  Oh, and I did ask him what emergency had befallen them this month.  They didn’t ask for it.  He just knows they’re struggling and he doesn’t think his niece and her boyfriend are going to make it and he seems like a good kid and she’s pregnant and what can he do?  He can’t watch his mom struggle. So, there goes another $50 and on top of that I see a charge for $172 at Walmart in fucking Whore Town, His Home State!  What.the.fuck? I flat out asked him, “What did you spend $172 on in Whore Town, Your Home State?”  He tells me it must be tires for his mom. “Are you in your home state already?”  He says no.  He gave her the credit card information because she said there was something wrong with the new van they got.  He doesn’t know why it showed as Whore Town because it was supposed to be in another town.  And he’ll get the rest replaced when he’s there on Saturday.  Excellent! So you’ve sent $550 in the last 2 fucking days and then you’re going to turn around and spend God only knows how much on 4 new tires.  And I’m sure he’ll buy other shit as well while he’s there.  If he’s not already there.  I find that to be way too convenient. For all I know Harley has left her husband and is encountering money problems and he spent the damn money on her.  And I hate feeling like that. Will I ever trust him when it comes to things like this?  A year ago he was adoring me.  I felt like he was truly gaga over me.  Now I’m not so sure and I sometimes wonder if I did it to myself with the FB page.  His other sister told me he was so excited about the move and felt it would be a fresh start.  Then Blockhead told him about the page and how I didn’t know if I could celebrate another anniversary, how tough our anniversary is for me, how I didn’t love the gift and all those other great things.  Then he went into a tailspin and things just haven’t been the same.  I am beginning to wonder if this is the beginning of the end.  I don’t want it to be but I’m not sure I can stop it either.

So, I retaliated with some revenge shopping.  Bought Picasso a couple of shirts and a pair of tennis shoes.  I bought myself a new Coach purse even though I just got a Kate Spade a few days ago.  Bought one for Rock Star, too, because every 15 year old girl needs a freaking Coach purse.  And wallet.  It’s a little strappy thing so she can use it as a stand alone purse, too.  Plus we both got some new clothes. Hey, if we can feed every fucking member of his family then I’ll buy whatever I want for myself and my kids.  If we can afford over $800 in the last few days to give his mom then the sky’s the limit!  And you know, it amazes me that no one ever says, “Zack, no!  You’ve got a family to feed.  You’ve already given us $500.  We’ll be fine. We can buy our own tires.”  No, once again it’s an unlimited ATM.  He could give them $500 every week and they’d still come back and want more.  As my mom pointed out:  Wasn’t it enough when they basically stole all his money while he was fighting over in Iraq?  Wasn’t it enough when he gave her a credit card in his name which almost cost us our house in OB?  Nope!  It’s never enough. I’m about at the point where I’m ready to suggest he just hand over his entire check to them.  Or maybe he could ask them for all their bills and we can cover them and then all the money coming into them they can use to splurge on.  I guess I’ll go back to Whoreville and get a job so I can afford to do things for my kids since all of our disposable income is going back to his home state.  Hey, how much a month is the whore coughing up for them?  Nothing?  Wow- shocker! By the time this weekend is finished we will have contributed $2000 in just under 2 months.  And he wants to pay their cell phone bill.  Hell, why not?  We’re made of money.

Maybe it’s a non-issue and he’s planning on leaving me.  Maybe he’s already in his home state fucking Harley.  I really don’t know.  That’s the worst part.  My instincts failed me so miserably 2 years ago and now I’m hyper vigilant.  Why would anyone be at the Walmart in Whore Town?  Why?

Present Day Sam Says: Oh, Sam, sweetie. Why would anyone be at the Walmart in Whore Town?  Because he’s in his home state fucking the whore.  Your instincts weren’t failing you; you just didn’t want to believe.

 

Keep Sticking Your Head In the Sand

 

July 2015

Another day at the beach.  I can’t tell if I’m getting tan or burnt.  Bubba Gump’s for lunch.  It was good.  Then we dropped Mom’s tv off at Best Buy, took the girls to the shopping center, and then went to the Donut Hole for donuts for tomorrow.

I’ve been having a horrible time getting ahold of Zack.  He just now finally texted me back.  Says he’s been busy. And now he’s off to dinner with some people from work- customers.  I told him I loved him and only 3 more days til I got to see him but he said nothing.  I sent him some pictures and he told me I was “so fucking hot”.  I don’t know what’s going on with him.  I hope everything is ok.

Oh, another highlight: Jezebel is in Florida.  Spending a few days on the beach by herself supposedly and then she’s off to see her in-laws.  Funny, isn’t it, that she is able to visit her in-laws on a rather consistent basis while she never has time to visit her much missed, much loved brother.  Oh, and I know it’s all my fault.  She can’t visit because I’m so mean and I don’t want her around. Never mind she’s only been to whatever city we’ve ever lived in 7 times in 21 years.  Never mind the last time she visited us was in 2002 when Picasso was a baby.  Never mind that we lived in YYY state for an additional FOUR YEARS after she last visited, so it’s not like she can say it was so far away.  Never mind she never once in almost 8 years came to see us in our former state. No, it’s all because I’m so mean.  Nothing at all to do with her own choices.  Of course not!

Well, I’m going to try to focus on the last few days of this vacation.  I need to call our pool contractor tomorrow to find out when he thinks the pool will be done so Zack can get the money wired to our account. Spend some time with my nieces and nephew and my kids.  Just hang back and relax and have a good time.

 

Why Are You Sending Your Mom $500 Again?

July 2015

Well, today is filling up with drama.  But first I’ll catch up on what’s been going on the past few days.  Kinda chilling.

We did go to the water park on Sunday and had crab legs for dinner.  Yum!  Yesterday we went to the beach.  Had tuna fish sandwiches for lunch. Then went to the outlet mall to shop.  I got a cute Kate Spade purse and wallet.  $240 total.  Today we went to, surprise! the beach and then to Margaritaville for lunch.  It was overhyped I think.  We had to wait to be seated, the place wasn’t air conditioned; instead they had it completely open and relied on the breeze to cool you off.  It was quite expensive-  almost $75 for the lunch alone, plus I spent another $18+ on drinks while waiting.

I checked our checking account to see if any other bills had come through.  I get my little notifications for how much is in the account but I’ve had it happen where I think I have x amount and I end up having y amount because other things have come in that morning.  Thankfully, all of my purchases from yesterday came through.  But there’s also another $500 donation to my in-laws.

I’m trying to figure out why this bothers me so much because normally I would be very giving.  And I know it’s not like we’re completely struggling.  I’m curious as to what in the hell is going on that they needed $500.  I swear, if I read another post from the niece’s boyfriend to hear about their stupid fucking aquarium I think my head will explode and I’ll end up replying, “Hey, here’s an idea!  Instead of spending God only knows how much on your fucking fish why not use that money to feed yourselves so that I no longer have to!”

I just keep coming back to the fact that we can’t support them at this level forever.  We just can’t.  We’ve got a kid who is going to start college in another 3 years.  She’s not going to qualify for any financial aid so we better start saving some money now!

He sent: $100 on June 8, $500 on June 10 (to fix the car), $100 on June 16, $50 on June 22, $50 on July 3, $200 on July 8, $50 on July 13 and $500 on July 21.  Plus $149 in Western Union charges. $1550 in 6 weeks.  Good to know we’re replacing Rock Star’s gymnastics with keeping everyone in fucking his home state fed. No, Sam; he replaced Rock Star’s gymnastics with supporting a whore and her kids.

OK, we’re all doing fine.  No one is going without.  I would like to know why on earth he sent $500 and I’d also like to know how long we’re going to be doing this.  It gets ridiculous after a while.  If you don’t have the fucking money to feed your granddaughter and her baby daddy then you don’t feed them!  If you don’t have the money to splurge on your great granddaughter or buy her diapers and/or formula you don’t fucking do it!  You don’t spend money you don’t have and then turn around and give a sad song to your son so that he sends money to you and you can treat everyone around you!  I know I’m being a bitch.  I really do.  But I just have to wonder how far this is going to go.  You want to send $200-$400 a month their way, fine, do it.  But I would suggest sending a check instead of racking up additional fees. Now, Sam, if he had sent a check the gig would have been up. You would have known he was giving marital assets away to Harley. You wouldn’t have been in the dark any longer. That’s no fun! Playing you for a fool is fun!  And I would tell them, “This is what I have to send you. I’ll send $400 a month.  If you blow it all on 2 people who should be supporting themselves then that’s on you.  I don’t want to hear about how you’re going hungry because you knew what you had coming in.”  I guess that’s what I worry about.  They think it’s a free for all ATM.  Spend whatever you want because Zack will just continue to send more.  Not to mention they still associate with the whore.

And I’m still not completely convinced that he hasn’t taken back up with her.  She’s posting crap about supporting vets with PTSD.  Posting more inspirational quotes on her page.  And he’s not acting like he’s crazy about me anymore.  He’s hard to get ahold of, supposedly napping.  Doesn’t tell me he loves me like he used to.  He’s either screwing around with her again or Blockhead or Jezebel has convinced him to distance himself from me and leave me when the kids are grown.

Present Day Sam Says:  Ding ding ding!  We have a winner!  CheaterBoy is cheating again!

Smile & Wave, Boys

July 2015

We finally made it home! 30 hours and 45 minutes on the road.  All went well at the in-law’s.  Feels like I’m putting the past behind me.

Came home to a house that smelled to high heaven.  The dogs have been peeing and pooping everywhere! So, I spent a good 3 hours today shampooing carpets.  I hope that helps.  I ended up blowing a fuse and it won’t flip back on so Zack may need to change that.  Rock Star mowed the front yard today because it hadn’t been mowed in over 3 weeks- since I mowed it last which was probably May 24th or so.  And, he hadn’t taken out the garbage the entire time we had been gone so I set out 10 bags today. Oh, plus I had asked him to restore 2 events on my DVR.  He restored the wrong 2 episodes of Scorpion and didn’t restore the Castle episode at all. Needless to say it was not a very nice homecoming.

The concrete workers came out today.  I was all excited thinking they were finally going to be starting on that.  No.  No such luck.  He is going on vacation on Friday and won’t be starting until the 13th. He said it would take about a week to get everything poured.  Lovely! And I still need to get the electrical done AND an inspector needs to come out and sign off on an inspection.  On the positive side, if it can even be called that, Zack informed me that he’s probably not going to go to Florida so someone will be here to pay everyone if the pool is completed while we’re in Florida.

I still need to call to get the hole in my ceiling fixed and the guy from the repair center to get my water filter fixed.  I have to say, I don’t think I will ever leave for an extended vacation again.  Quite honestly I’m a little hesitant to leave for another week.

Now I get to tell my mom that the pool may not be done when we get back after all. I am now crossing my fingers that we get to swim in the damn thing this summer!

Present Day Sam Says:  There are so many things wrong with this.  Let’s start with the obvious: He hadn’t taken out the trash in 3 weeks!  He hadn’t shampooed the carpets after the dogs had peed and pooped (they are used to being let out whenever they need to go because I am home all day with them).  He didn’t mow the yard in the entire 3 weeks we were gone!  It is very clear now that he had completely checked out by then.  He wasn’t doing anything for us.

Secondly, Tammy Faye was the one who urged Harley to call my husband because he had the sadz. This means that while I’m telling myself the visit went well and I’m ready to put the past behind me that conniving bitch more than likely knew that her son was fucking around with that whore again. She had me in her home and acted like nothing was amiss and the whole time she knows. She knows he’s fucking around again. She knows he’s planning on leaving me. The cruelty still manages to astound me.

I also remember trying to remain Zen about the whole pool thing.  I kept telling myself that once it was in I would have it for many more years to come. Yeah, I somewhat enjoyed it for about 6 days. So not worth it. Sometimes trying to look at the bigger picture and being all Zen just blows up in your face.

Turning the Corner While the STBX Chooses Door #2

June 2015

Welcome to the Summer Solstice!  Longest day of the year.  I took the girls to the mall today and dropped them off to let them shop.  I went to see Spy with a friend and her husband and then we picked the girls back up and my friend and I lounged on the patio and in the kiddie pool, drinking the rest of the wine we had opened up last night…

In other news I remember reading that it generally takes 18-24 months to fully recover from an affair.  I have come to believe that’s pretty much spot on.  I also think that’s IF you recover.  The last few weeks I have been in a much better place.  I really have no desire to read the infidelity blogs I used to follow.  I don’t have much of a desire to see if Harley has posted a new picture or if she and my in-laws are conversing. I mean, it’s not totally gone but it’s not an overwhelming need either. I say this despite the fact I just checked up on her a day or so ago.  Who knows?  I may never stop checking up on her.  But she keeps her page private so I can’t really see anything.  She did post a picture of a vet with PTSD who has a sign asking for advance notice of fireworks going off near the 4th of July.  Maybe she’s just very civic minded and it has absolutely nothing to do with Zack.  Maybe she knows I still stalk her and she does it to get a rise out of me.  Or hell, maybe they are still fucking around.  I can’t control it though so I don’t dwell on it.  I can’t imagine that he would be willing to spend $53,000 on a pool only to have to put the house up for sale when we divorce.

I think I have been doing a great job of not dwelling on dates or what was going on at this time 2 years ago.  Sure, 2 years ago I posed for a picture with Zack and the kids and posted a Happy Father’s Day message only days after being told he didn’t know if he loved me anymore and while he was declaring his love for his whore.  But, this is 2015, not 2013.  As Elsa would sing, “Let it go!”  And so I am.  You will not defeat me, you whore!

I don’t even think much about Jezebel and all the crappy things she has done. I try not to think about the fact that my in-laws gush and fawn over the whore.  I’m simply trying my best to be Zen and accept that which I cannot change….

OK, I’ve got to get up in the morning so I’d better go.

Present Day Sam Says:  Joke’s on me! While I’m finally turning the corner, accepting what was done, trying hard to move on and “focus on the future” he was hot and heavy with a whore.  Turns out he WAS willing to throw money into a giant pit in our backyard.  The entire time that pool was being built he was messing around with Harley, sending her money even and buying her and her kid iPhones and then taking on the cell phone bill.

And again I’m so busy being open minded and Zen that my brain should have tumbled out of my head.

As if that wasn’t sad enough I was having a really good time at this point. I was back in XX state and having a wonderful time seeing my friends again. It felt so good to visit our favorite restaurants, to be part of something, to be busy and active and vibrant once again. I’m feeling better and he’s plotting to leave me for a whore.

 

Two Months Before D-Day

Right about now I’m preparing for my divorce. I need to get stuff together so between work, kids, and the mobster I don’t have a lot of time to write. I’m going to be leaving you with a few Blasts From the Past until I can get caught up on everything I need to do for the big D! I hope you enjoy reading about my last few crazy months with CF before I found out he was fucking around with the whore yet again. Buckle up; it’s going to be a bumpy ride! 

These next few entries are from when the kids and I were back out west visiting friends. You know, since he moved us 2000 miles across the country for his dream job. 

June 2015

…. We went to the reservoir today and tonight we went to the dollar theater and saw Cinderella, which was pretty good. It has been nice being busy and hanging around friends again.
Zack is sick again. He said he had a massive anxiety attack last night and spent about 4 hours curled up in the shower and then he went in to work and threw up multiple times so he came home and spent the day at home. I hope he’s not drinking again. My mom said I should call Pastor Fake and Tammy Faye to see if they would go and spend a few days with him.
Speaking of them, the whore put up her new picture again and this time around my FIL liked the picture. Thanks! But, in my new state of grace and forgiveness and looking on the positive side of everything I am not dwelling on it and in fact, I may end up seeing if they will be around on the 29th and if they are seeing if we can stay the night with them on our way back. I think that is remarkably big of me. I also changed my MIL’s contact picture on my phone to one of our trees so I don’t have to look at Harley’s ugly face every time she calls. His nephew, Jezebel and Pastor Fake still have Whore’s picture as their contact picture though.
I am also rarely reading any of the infidelity blogs. I just have no desire to. I did briefly look at Not Hate’s today.
Lately I’ve just been unable to think about affairs or any of that stuff. I just don’t have the time or patience for it. I’d like to put it all behind me and not have to think about it. I really am trying to focus on the positives and find good in everything. I’m crossing my fingers that Zack will soon be back on the road to recovery, although he’s taken a detour while I’m away.
He missed his appointment with his therapist last Wednesday and then decided to hold off on meeting until I come back. I’m going to have to make sure he does make his appointment with his psychiatrist on the 30th. I’m not sure I’ll be back by the time of his appointment and he can’t go around canceling those. It takes forever to get on the schedule.

Present Day Sam Says: Wasn’t I a busy little spackler? Spackle, spackle, spackle! It’s all going to be wonderful. He’s going to get better and we’re going to live happily ever after. Nothing bothers me anymore. Where are those shit sandwiches? They sure do look yummy! May I have more, please?

I don’t know when they started up again. I do know the first money transfer took place in June. It wouldn’t surprise me to find that he was an anxious mess because he was finally taking that step to leave me and his kids. Of course that assumes he has a conscience and I’m not sure he ever had one. All I know for certain is that I was still doing my best to get him help so that we could be a family and live a happy life and he was throwing it all away.

More Signs From the Universe That I Conveniently Ignored

May 2015

The whore’s newest picture (picture removed for now). Longer and darker.  Looks like I’ll continue to go short and blonde. I have to say I have been very surprised that my in-laws have not commented on or liked the picture.  Perhaps letting my MIL know she was sending naked pictures to Zack had something to do with that.

In other news it appears she’s now friends with Zack’s niece.  Oh, I just love seeing her gush over the new baby.  So, so glad we’re so entwined.  Even better I love the fact that Zack and I are sending money to pay her rent for 2 months while the whore does nothing.  If you love them so much why don’t you put your money where your mouth is and actually do something, Harley?

I am never going to get away from her, am I?  She’s everywhere.  My MIL thinks she can sympathize with what I’m going through because of what she went through, but the OW in her case didn’t hang around her family.  That’s the huge difference.  I’ve got everyone that we see when we go to Kentucky thinking she’s just the greatest thing ever.  People come into my home and then turn around and compliment that bitch.  And here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”

Yes, I know I could bury my head in the sand and pretend she doesn’t exist. But you know my policy on that.  Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  I mean, if someone let a snake loose in my house even if I couldn’t see it I still wouldn’t feel comfortable until it was caught and removed.  I would never feel comfortable.  I’d always be wondering if I opened a cabinet or stepped down onto the floor if the snake would be there.  That’s just a fact.  I’d be a nervous wreck.  Blocking her on FB is like having an unseen snake roaming my house.  I’d rather know.  I’d rather see what was going on and be prepared.

In my defense, I do not stalk her page often.  I do sometimes wonder if it were someone different, someone everyone on Zack’s side of the family didn’t communicate with, if I wouldn’t stalk her page at all.  I kinda think I wouldn’t. I would have no need to.

The way I see it, Zack and I as a couple are fine.  I don’t think about her much in terms of what she almost did to our marriage.  Yes, I am still haunted a bit by the whole:  I know I don’t want to lose my kids and him telling Jezebel that Harley made him happy.  It bothers me because he does seem so miserable now and didn’t back then. Oh, logically I know it all has to do with the whole fantasy vs. reality thing.  She was new and exciting and promising to fulfill his every need.  It was all fantasy and no reality so she was the perfect woman, doing everything that needed to be done.  I get that.  It still bugs me at times.  Probably because he never sees the need to point that out to his sister when he talks to her and she talks to him and tells him how miserable he is.

And I can sometimes rationalize the FB thing by telling myself it’s no big deal; it doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve got “friends” that I rarely communicate with on FB. I have also been known to accept a friend request from someone I don’t know all that well. So, perhaps that is what has happened here with his niece.  It still bugs me, though.  I’m tired of seeing her wherever I look.  Funny how this becomes my cross to bear when I’m not the one who cheated!

Present Day Sam Says: Oh yeah, I think they were definitely fooling around at this point. He always said he loved my hair when it was longer and darker. I remember this picture of the whore. Someone commented on her weight loss, too. Another sign of an affair. Sign #3? Friending CF’s niece on Facebook. This was Pastor Fake’s granddaughter. Absolutely no reason for Harley to have any contact with her. In fact, she hadn’t up until this point.

I truly believe Harley is one of the most manipulative, fake phony people out there. She and Jezebel will get along wonderfully.

Oh, and this part?  <<<… here’s the thing.  If they really think she’s that great and that what she did wasn’t that bad, then how can any of them say they’re rooting for me and Zack?  If she’s that wonderful, if they love her and think she’s fantastic, isn’t that just basically saying, “You know, Sam, we wouldn’t really be all that upset if Zack dumped you for Harley because we just love her so much.  She’s fantastic.  So losing you wouldn’t be a problem because we would gain our beloved Harley.”>>> That was absolutely dead on accurate.

You cannot continue to interact with the whore and honestly say you are rooting for reconciliation between the married couple. They obviously didn’t think that what she, or he, had done was that bad and they obviously were rooting for the two of them to get together.

Oh Facebook, You Scamp!

December 2014

Am I the only sane one who finds something offensive and disturbing about this? My mother-in-law posts this, obviously about my husband, and his whore likes it and adds her own comments. Does she not understand she shouldn’t be liking anything that has to do with my husband? Does my supposedly loving mother-in-law not see anything inappropriate about her son’s whore liking something having to do with her son? I guess not. I continue to shake my head in amazement.

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Okay, in full disclosure this was not what was posted on Tammy Faye’s wall. But again, I haven’t yet learned how to do those cool black out bars so I just have to improvise.

In this same month I also got to see: Happy Anniversary. Love you guys! on their anniversary and Happy Birthday, Pastor Fake! I hope you have a wonderful day. I love you lots!

Present Day Sam Says: I wonder if she even bothers to comment on their pages now since she doesn’t have to convince them she loves them so much and she’s the better partner for him.

Probably. She and Jezebel both live their lives through Facebook. I don’t know what they would do if Facebook suddenly went offline. How would everyone know how perfect their lives are? How would everyone know how much they love everyone? How would they know about all their wonderful deeds. Whoops! Strike that one. They don’t really post about the things they’ve done for others. Only how much everyone does for them and how happy they are and how perfect their lives are.

Sam’s Epic Christmas Meltdown

 

December 2014

Oh you sonofabitch and fucking bitch! I had the “privilege” of reading my husband’s text to his sister. She started off by wishing him a Merry Christmas, I believe, and mentioning that she had heard we’d be down there but they’d be in Florida. Shocker. Then she goes on to tell him she sent me a friend request but I declined it “so I’m done reaching out now.” Really, you fucking bitch? WHAT exactly have you done to “reach out” besides sending me a self serving friend request a year and a half after you FUCKING ENCOURAGED MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE ME FOR HIS WHORE???? I would really love to know. Was it when I told you you should call your brother the night I was refusing to come home when I found out he planned on marrying the whore and you said you were sorry for your part in all of this? Or when you would patronize me with your “I understand,” comments whenever I would voice my hurt at what was done? That’s some stellar reaching out.

Then my asshole of a husband goes on to APOLOGIZE for ruining her relationship with me. Tells her it’s all his fault and, oh, how I love this part, he never should have tried to be happy. Thanks, honey! So glad to hear I’m your penance. Tells her he’s heavily medicated and she’s been a wonderful sister and so supportive.

The best part? She still hasn’t answered him back. Yes, let’s kiss her ass, throw me under the fucking bus, and after bitching about how self centered she is and how she’s never there for him tell her she’s just the best thing ever and it’s all my fault!

Sonofabitch! I’m seriously thinking of leaving his ass once again. Hey, Harley Buttwipe Whoreface, your soul mate may be on the market! That’s probably not nearly as intoxicating as stealing another woman’s husband but a soul mate is a soul mate, right?

I’m so fucking tempted to text his bitch of a sister and tell her I’m giving her the best Christmas gift ever- a divorce! Now you can call your brother’s whore and tell her he’s available and get the two of them together. Then you can have your fantastic family get togethers with your “new sister!” and everyone can rejoice that they got rid of me, the horrible evil wife.

FUCK YOU BOTH!

Present Day Sam Says: I freely admit that this was not a nice entry.  I was pissed!  However, I’m not sure it really rises to “cheat on your wife” upsetting.

Here’s the best part though. Blockhead was feeding him information. He was telling him what I had written. I can see in black and white the word “divorce” and the phrase, “I’m seriously thinking of leaving his ass once again.” My question is, did Blockhead see any of the words preceding that? I’m painted as the bitch because I’m legitimately upset and yet the whole, “Throw Sam under the bus” bullshit is completely ignored.

It’s like me being extremely hurt by the fact Jezebel is acting like she is the poor put upon victim means nothing. Let’s gloss over that and concentrate on Sam being angry. Let’s ignore the part where Sam writes about her husband telling his sister he never should have tried to be happy. None of that should matter. The only pertinent parts of this entry are the ones where Sam is going off the rails. How can you not see the pain and insecurity in that post?

The answer is easy. He was never my friend and he was actively campaigning against me.

In the end it doesn’t matter. They all got what they wanted. I’m gone. Harley’s in my place. They’re all happy.

Having Information Will Only Hurt You & Other Bullshit They Try To Sell

October 2014

Although I have been drifting peacefully off to sleep imagining intercepting all their communications, and her naked pictures, so I would know exactly what all was said and promised… I have come to the conclusion that that probably would have not been best. I’ve been honest that I really had my head in the sand. There were signs. The two biggest being 1. He had his phone password protected and 2. The whore blocked me the day after he returned from the wedding. I considered spying. I really wanted to spy; I just wasn’t sure how to go about it. But looking back what would I have done? I was able to take a stand because I had had enough of the uncertainty over the course of the summer. If I intercepted their messages I would have known and I would have been forced into action earlier. I truly don’t know if I could have spent the summer silently stalking them, patiently compiling evidence against them I could use later. If I could hold it together it would have been fun. I’m not sure I could have held it together, though. Knowing all summer long and not being able to do anything about it? I think it would have killed me. I’m pretty sure I could have converted it into an extremely one sided divorce settlement under the threat of showing the kids all their text messages. And I could have blackmailed Harley into listening to me as I told her how I was going to make their life together a living Hell. Hang up on me one more time, bitch, and I’ll send your naked pictures to everyone you know. Plus, I just would have known. I’d know everything instead of bits and pieces. That would be sweet.

I know there are those who push the philosophy that if the answer to the question will hurt instead of heal you shouldn’t ask it and the cheating spouse shouldn’t answer. I say fuck that. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (although I may have read it and stolen it). When your spouse has an affair and you’re trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild it’s like you’re looking at a puzzle. You, as the betrayed spouse, are only looking at parts of the puzzle. Your spouse and the OW know what the entire puzzle looks like. When he refuses to answer the questions he’s refusing to let you see the entire puzzle. I think those that push the “don’t ask/answer hurtful questions” are thinking of themselves. I don’t think they have a right to decide for another what they should know or not know. It’s all about protecting themselves and not having to deal with the fallout of their fuckup. It’s them saying they know the answer is going to hurt and there will probably be fallout and you’re just not worth having to trudge through all of that again. It’s them saying they don’t want to have to do anything that’s difficult. They want to focus on what you did wrong to make them cheat; they want to focus on correcting that so they don’t have to look at their behavior. And they want to focus on the future where they never again have to discuss their affair.

I get to decide for myself what is too much and I’d rather know everything so I’m not blindsided by his whore or some family member.

Present Day Sam Says: Sam doesn’t give a lot of advice because Sam feels like everyone needs to do what is right for themselves and she doesn’t know what she’s doing anyway. However, Sam will make an exception right here. 1. If your spouse has his/her phone glued to his/her side and it’s password protected he/she is having an affair! You can pretty much bet on it. 2. Don’t ever let them get away with insisting that telling you the truth will only hurt you. If you don’t want the information, fine. But if you do you have every right to every bitter, nasty detail. It’s the least you deserve. Keeping the truth from you is for their benefit, not yours. Do. Not. Let. Your. Spouse. Get. Away. With. This. Utter. Bullshit. You wanna know if he/she is truly remorseful? Does he/she answer your questions honestly or does he/she tell you that this would only cause you pain and you need to focus on the future and creating a better relationship? If it’s the latter they’re not one bit sorry. They are looking out for themselves. Don’t fool yourself. They don’t want to listen to you bitch. They don’t want to do the hard work. They want it to all go back to the way it was before they were discovered, back in the days when they could play you like a fool. If you want that information then insist upon it. Oh, sure, they’ll probably still lie but you can let them know you won’t be dropping it anytime soon and if you find out the facts on your own there will be hell to pay.