Bezos’s Girlfriend

True confession: I don’t watch the news anymore. I don’t have CNN Headline News on my phone. I get my news from Google, and sometimes Facebook. I realize I’m burying my head in the sand but I’m okay with that right now. I do know lots of useless facts, though. Ask me anything about the royal family, the Duggars, and, for some reason, Bachelor Nation. Also, I’m quite knowledgable about snakes and sharks. One interesting thing that popped up on my news feed in the last month or so was the story of Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos, and his hacked cellphone/leaked text messages to his mistress.

Holy cow! The story goes something like this: The guy makes billions of dollars, cheats on his wife, gets a divorce, and then his text messages to his mistress are made public. Now, I don’t know exactly what the point of that was. I don’t know why anyone would care because I’m pretty sure the texts were released after the divorce. Sure, it may be embarrassing but a national security threat? I don’t think so.

It prompted an investigation. At one point the theory was that this poor, mistreated billionaire had been targeted by the Saudi government because Bezos had criticized them in an article.

Then the Wall Street Journal came along, did a little digging, and wow! What do you think they uncovered? Was it the Saudi government? Was it Trump? Was it the Mafia? All three colluding to make him look bad (did I mention there were nude pictures included?)? NO! Turns out his mistress, Lauren Sanchez, sent the texts to her brother. Who then turned around and sold the texts to the National Enquirer.

Of course, now that it’s all in the open both sides are saying that’s not true. Lauren insists her brother somehow acquired all of her texts without her knowledge, and her brother is actually suing her boyfriend for defamation.

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we… fuck somebody else’s husband.

Yeah, that’s a real shocker. Imagine- a woman who had no problems sneaking around behind his wife’s back, fucking a married man, and cheating on her own not-as-rich husband, being willing to hand those intimate texts over to her brother to cash in on her relationship with the richest man in the world. It boggles the mind! I’m sure poor Jeff was stunned as well. Hey, she might lie, and cheat, and gaslight, but she only does that to other people. He’s special. She would never do that to him.

It reminds me of that blogger who was absolutely furious at his mistress for finally telling his wife about the three year long affair. At one point he gave serious consideration to leaving his wife for the mistress but then she went and told the truth! How dare she? She was cute as a button when she was helping him dupe his wife for three years. The fact that she was willing to lie and cheat and showed her shitty character didn’t bother him at all so long as it wasn’t directed his way. He could betray his wife for three years but when his mistress betrayed him? Oh mylanta! You would have thought the world stopped. Again, how dare she?

I once read a letter in an advice column. The writer was telling the columnist that her boyfriend was amazing in every way except this one little thing. He belittled people he felt were beneath him- servers, salespeople, customer service reps. You know, the people who can’t say anything back if they want to keep their jobs. I’ll never forget the columnist telling the letter writer that that was who her boyfriend was. He was a person who could be wonderful to those he felt were deserving and who would talk down to and belittle those he felt were not. That’s who you’re hitching your wagon to. If you are of value to him he will treat you well. If you one day lose value in his eyes he will treat you like gum on the bottom of his shoe.

It always amazes me when cheaters are shocked and astounded when their affair partner betrays them in some way or does something heinous. I’m thinking of the women who leave their husbands for their lover, only to find out the lover has no intentions of leaving his wife. The mistress who calls up the wife to let her know about the affair. The mistress who was involved with multiple men yet claiming that each one of them was her “soul mate”. The mistress that “cheats” on her married lover. The lies that they tell their lover.

“They aren’t that kind of person!”

Yes, yes, they are!

“How dare they betray me!”

They’re a person with shitty character. They had no problem fucking another person’s spouse. What kind of a person did you think they were?

Lying, cheating, deception. Those things are all fine when you’re not the recipient of such behavior. The cheating spouse thinks they’re immune from all of that. The AP loves them! They would never do any of that stuff to them. They don’t deserve it, unlike the clueless spouse who has committed egregious sins, none of which they are aware.

Yet one day the mistress picks up the phone and tells the wife she’s been sleeping with her husband for three years, they’re in love and he’s going to leave the wife to be with her. The cheating husband hacks the STBX wife’s Facebook, goes through all her messages and realizes that while he was handing five grand over to his mistress each month she was still sleeping with her estranged husband when he left after their weekend hookups. The mistress writes a tell-all book or sells her story to any publication/news show willing to pay out to talk about her affair. The cheating husband finds out that he wasn’t the only one; that in fact the woman he was betraying his wife with, was sleeping with multiple other men at the same. The mistress hands over private, intimate texts to her brother which end up being published in the National Enquirer.

To their shocked outrage, their blind surprise, I say this: You knew what they were when you picked them up.

The Pursuit Of Happiness Fallacy

What seems like eons ago, when in reality it was back in June, there was an article posted on Huffington Post about two wing nuts that got together through their mutual love of the Oregon Country Fair, or “Fair”, as the “family” knows it. Tracy Schorn UBT’d it over on Chump Lady and Jennifer Ball posted about it on her Happy Hausfrau Facebook page.

The quick recap: “Ruby” and Paul spent 16 years working “Fair” in Oregon. One day, while peeling potatoes the feelz hit ‘em real hard and they realized they were destined to be together. While his wife and kids were away on vacation Paul invited Ruby over for a “picnic”. They spent the week together navel gazing and justifying their behavior. It was a love that could not be denied. When his wife came back into town he told her he was leaving her for another woman and Ruby left her husband as well. Ruby was simply stunned that her ex-husband didn’t chase after her, begging for another chance, and was equally shocked that Paul’s ex-wife didn’t bow out without a fight. I’m pretty sure if I remember correctly they are now married (going on 4 years of blissful happiness) and own a pot farm.

Even more vomit worthy than the article were the comments. These are just a few of the stand out gems:

Love isn’t ownership. I’ve walked and I’ve had others walk. Learn and grow and move on. Stop blaming people for loving someone.

Good on them. No point continuing a BS relationship just to conform to everyone else’s BS relationships/marriages. Life’s too short and too long to live a lie just to please church goers. Obviously they’re against real love anyway.

In response to someone saying that people who cheat on their spouses have a character flaw: We all have character flaws. People who stay in a loveless marriage also have a character flaw. They keep their spouse from meeting someone who will love them.

Yes, it’s a kick in the teeth when your spouse says they’ve fallen in love with someone else, and hard for the kids to deal with two homes, new step-parents, etc. But I can’t think of anything worse than reaching old age, the kids gone with lives of their own, moved to other states even, only to call on holidays and birthdays, and you being stuck immobile or infirm as time ravages your body, depending on someone you don’t love, haven’t loved in a long time, are disappointed with and sad to be around, and knowing you could have been happy, could have actually had a life worth living, years of love, sharing, fulfilling companionship, etc. and missed your chance.

Don’t stay somewhere you are not happy, life is too short! People like to pass judgement based on their own fears and insecurities. Let people live!

…way too many people stay in miserable marriages and hate their lives. Glad they’re happy.

People that are brave enough to admit their faults, their choices, their lives, always get very “righteous” people judging them… you could see that both of them were unhappy in their marriages before they “found each other”.Are people supposed to live a mediocre and unhappy life forever because of what looks good for society rules? No. I don’t think so.

Wow, so much hate because someone fell in love with another person and left a toxic situation.

Life is short, some people will stay miserable to “do the right thing” and never really live a happy life which is ok… but it’s also ok to make the decision to find happiness.

My husband left me for a younger woman. I’m happy for them. My 10 year marriage was unhappy. He wasn’t happy. I let him go be happy. It’s the mature thing to do.

They are both adults who made a questionable decision, but I’m sure all involved are better off, No one deserves to live unhappily ever after because of their “responsibility” to someone else’s feelings.

Let me remind you what Thoreau said:

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To paraphrase Rock Star, “I. cannot. even. with all of those asinine comments.”

I love how everyone believes that if you’re in a toxic relationship you’re entitled to cheat. God forbid you realize you’re in a bad situation and actually get the fuck out without having someone else waiting on you.

Wait a second! Are you telling me I can actually end a relationship before I have another one waiting in the wings? I can leave someone who makes me unhappy and sucks the life right out of me even if I don’t have another person I’m going to immediately be involved with?

Yes! Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying!

Then why in the fuck didn’t they tell me that? I’ve been stuck in this miserable relationship for the last ten years because I didn’t have time to set up a Tinder profile! Or volunteer at Fair.

I don’t know what to tell you, Sparky. You’ve always had the option of leaving. This remains a free country and more importantly, divorce is legal.

Quick question. Who will have sex with me once I kick my spouse/partner to the curb? Who will hold my hand while I go through this divorce? Who will tell me how awesome I am and how horrible my spouse was? And who’s going to pitch in and do all the things my spouse used to do?

Ah, that is the kicker, isn’t it? It’s not that these cheaters don’t realize they can leave a toxic relationship; it’s that they’re lazy. They don’t want to leave until they’ve got the replacement lined up.

Look, I don’t think anyone advocates staying in a miserable marriage. I know I don’t. I’ve always said you’ve got a couple of choices. The two good choices would be you can try to fix it or you can end it. The two bad choices would be you cheat on your spouse under the guise of unhappiness or toxicity, or you suffer through it for years on end.

About that so-called unhappy/toxic relationship. Cheaters lie. Mine lied a lot. It’s amazing to me how many people who have been cheated on talk of their cheaters telling them how much they loved them, how they couldn’t live without them, how these had been the best fill-in-the-blank years of their lives, how they were the love of their life, they were their rock and salvation, and sunshine shot out of their asses.

Hell, even ol’ Jerry Lee claimed that I was his rock. My family was his only real family. He wanted to renew vows. He wanted to have another baby with me so I couldn’t leave him.

A year later I was a mentally abusive spouse who never supported him and hadn’t had sex with him in ten years.

The story has to change when they start doing shitty things. It excuses the shitty things they’re doing.

So many of them focus on “ownership” and not staying if you’re unhappy. I truly don’t think most people think any of this through. We’re not talking about a summer romance here. We’re not talking about a couple who has dated a year or two. We’re talking about, in this case in particular, two people who were married to other people. They made plans with each other. They bought houses. They may have moved across the country. In one case they had two children together. The time to figure out the relationship is not working for you is before you get married and certainly before you bring children into it.

And again, I’m not advocating staying in a loveless or toxic relationship but, Jesus Christ, could maybe someone put a little effort into maintaining their current relationship, the one that did produce those children, before they decide the potato peeler is the new love of their life? I think the innocent children in these situations deserve a little bit more than, “Golly, I just wasn’t happy. Mommy didn’t support me quitting my full-time job and becoming a pot farmer.” Grow the fuck up! It is not just about you anymore.

That seems to be the popular refrain. You’ve got two choices. You either wait out a miserable life being trapped in an unhappy relationship or you cheat on your spouse and get the hell out. Repairing your current relationship never seems to be a solution. What an antiquated idea!

I loved the one that posited, “I’m sure they’re all better off. No one deserves to live unhappily ever after because of their responsibility to someone else’s feelings.”

What kind of bullshit minimizing is that? It’s a marriage. It’s a legally binding relationship. If he’s in the hospital, as his wife I will be the one deciding whether to pull the plug or not. Our lives are entwined. Our money is combined, I’m taking care of his children. I’m keeping his house and doing his laundry. Do not reduce it to some kind of half baked responsibility to my feelings. No, I’ve created a life with this person. We have made plans for our future. When he decides he no longer has a responsibility to my fucking feelings he’s not just hurting my fee fees he’s fucking with my life.

How does this person know that everyone is better off? Maybe the kids have psychological problems stemming from this. Maybe his ex-wife is struggling to keep a roof over her kids’ heads. Maybe she’s working two or three jobs to keep afloat. Maybe his ex-wife was a depressed, suicidal mess for months, if not years, after this happened and his kids were barely being taken care of because their mother was unable to function. This idea that everyone magically pairs up with someone new and has this fantastic life now is magical thinking designed to excuse people like this.

Look at Jennifer Ball. She’s lived just above the poverty line ever since her husband left. She raised four kids on her own. The jackass ex was rarely around. He was far too busy with his ho-worker and their two new spawn. Is she better off? I think she would tell you that she’s happy and counts her blessings, but better off? I don’t think so.

I’m going to have to invoke my John Walsh analogy one more time. He’s got a lucrative career on television because of what happened to his sweet little boy, Adam. Had he never been kidnapped and murdered John never would have done the work he’s done with missing children or going after wanted fugitives. But I think anyone would have a hard time arguing, “Oh, he’s better off.” Quite honestly, I think anyone stupid enough to say that to him deserves a punch to the throat.

I also appreciated the person who declared that, yes, it is a kick in the teeth to get dumped, and golly, it’s probably hard on the kids to deal with a change in their lifestyle, two different homes, and potential step-families, but gee whiz, wouldn’t it suck to get to old age and realize you’re with someone you don’t want to be with.

Yes, it’s slightly disappointing when you find out you’re being cheated on and deceived. It kinda sucks when you have to return to the workforce after being a stay at home mom for 15 years and you don’t get paid enough to actually support your kids and have a home of your own. 

Sure, the kids do sometimes struggle. I mean, I’ve got one who now thinks he shouldn’t have to even complete high school because it’s pointless and another one who calls me up crying because her anxiety is out of control. They both suffer from anxiety but one gets stressed and cries, and the other finds it difficult to reach out for help and fails school. Neither one of the kids dealt with anxiety or depression when their father and I were together but hey, if one of them winds up killing themselves it’s worth it so long as their dad is happy, right? The kids are collateral damage. Don’t get too attached.

Yes, the real travesty isn’t one parent living in poverty or kids having anxiety attacks or lives being upended. The real travesty is finding out after the kids have left home that you are in a loveless relationship and you were too much of a chicken shit to actually do anything to improve your relationship, or to end it the correct way.

I think my favorite comment though was the one who said that people in loveless marriages have a character flaw because they are keeping their spouse from meeting someone who will love them.

What the what? First of all, maybe the spouse in the loveless marriage doesn’t think they’re in a loveless marriage. Maybe they think they’re in a very happy marriage. Second of all, if you’re both in a loveless marriage, but only one person goes off and cheats while the other person remains faithful, why in the fuck is it the faithful partner’s responsibility to get out of the marriage? Oh, I’m sorry. Why is it their responsibility to make sure their spouse finds someone who will love them? I would think it would behoove the person who can’t keep it in their pants to get out of the marriage before it comes to that.

That whole comment is just one big mindfuck.

Oh, your partner cheated on you? That’s not a big deal. Move on and get over it.

Oh, you stayed in a loveless marriage but didn’t cheat? You horrible person! How can you keep your wonderful spouse from finding love? I hope you rot in hell!

I’m going to say it one more time. I’m not against ending an unhappy marriage. Hell, I would advocate for ending unhappy relationships far sooner than most of us do. Most of us who stay, even when things aren’t going great, do so for good intentions. We do it  because we want what’s best for our kids. We believe in commitment and working through the hard times. We think about things other than ourselves and our own happiness. We regularly put others ahead of ourselves. 

I will, however, take issue with someone cheating on their spouse and then excusing it by saying, “I wasn’t happy.” That’s entitlement and crappy character, not a search for happiness. It’s about selfish people putting their own wants and desires ahead of everyone else.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

I come across some truly horrific stories while reading through my Google newsfeed. For those who think that affairs are just two consenting adults minding their own business I offer up this story as a rebuttal.

Patrick Frazee and Kelsey Berreth were engaged and the parents of a one year old daughter. Sadly, despite the engagement Patrick apparently wasn’t a one woman type of guy. Turns out that getting engaged to be married didn’t exactly mean, “I’m off the market” to him. He was having an affair with Krystal Jean Lee Kenney. They had dated in college and apparently Krystal couldn’t get over the big sociopath! She was cheating on her husband with him and eventually divorced him. No big deal, right? It’s just a private matter between two consenting adults. Hey- if you’re unhappy in your relationship you owe it to yourself to find someone else. We no longer are subjected to long, miserable lives with someone who doesn’t make us happy.

Who cares if Krystal’s husband was invested in their life together and wasted who knows how many years on a woman pining for someone else? Who cares about Kelsey and her little girl and the family they had created with Patrick, the father of the child? Everyone deserves to be happy! If cheating makes them happy who are you to say it’s wrong?

That’s not enough for Patrick, though. According to investigators he wanted full custody of their daughter. My personal opinion? If he did want full custody he only wanted it to hurt Kelsey.

Okay, jackass cheats on his fiancee. Wants custody of his daughter. Wants to pursue this relationship with another woman. How to make this all happen….? Hmmm….. Patrick decides to ask his new girlfriend to kill his fiancee. Brilliant! Anyone still think affairs are just private matters between two consenting adults?

This story gets worse and worse. Dumbass Krystal is asked not once, not twice, but three fucking times to kill this woman! The first suggestion was poisoning a coffee drink from Starbucks. Krystal, who lives in Idaho, travels to Colorado where Kelsey lived, buys the drink, actually makes up a story so that she can introduce herself and gives her the drink, although it was not poisoned. She says she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She did, however, text him and apologize for not killing his fiancee as asked.

The second time he told her to take a metal pipe and bludgeon Kelsey with it. Again, Krystal waits for her, outside Kelsey’s condo, pipe in hand, and then backs out.

The third time he instructed her to beat her to death with a baseball bat. This time she apparently flat out refused.

Wait for it! He got angry with her each time she refused to kill his fiancee. Maybe it’s just me but I’m thinking when a guy you’re dating asks you to kill someone, anyone really, that’s a big fucking red flag. You are not in a good relationship. This is not a good person. You should go directly to the police station. This person needs to go to prison. He not only asked her to kill for him, but he also had a fucking plan! He had a multitude of ideas of how she could get rid of his “problem”. The cherry on top was actually getting pissed off at her when she didn’t go through with it. That is a serious problem. How stupid do you have to be when you stay with a person who not only wants you to kill someone for them but also gets righteously angry when you don’t? One news outlet reported that Krystal said “he was angry each time she failed to act. She loved Frazee and wanted to make him happy but could not hurt Berreth.” Sweetie, you need to move on! He gets a little upset because you forgot to pick up his dry cleaning or you signed him up for ballroom dance lessons without his knowledge? That’s understandable. He’s upset because you won’t kill someone for him? You need a new love interest. Seriously. Do most people even need to be told this, or is it instinctual for those of us who are sane? 

It’s nice that her conscience prevented her from actually killing the woman. You know what would have been better? If it had led her to the goddamn police station where she reported the sonofabitch! It sure as hell didn’t prevent her from helping him clean up the aftermath. Yeah, I told you, it gets worse.

Kelsey Berreth was last seen alive on Thanksgiving Day. Patrick allegedly murdered her that day by blindfolding her with a sweater and then beating her to death with a baseball bat. It was also reported he put her body into a black canvas bag and stashed it among bales of hay while he enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner.

According to Kenney’s account to police Patrick told her, “You got a mess to clean up.” And two days later she arrives in Colorado from Idaho, hauling latex gloves, a white suit, booties, bleach, two trash bags and a hair net. She came prepared. Good thing because it was, as she puts it, a “horrific” scene with blood splattered on the walls and floors of the woman’s town home. Another news article claims she was even asked to look for a tooth near an air vent. She reportedly spent hours cleaning, and discarding blood stained toys and other items. One report says she spent four hours cleaning and bagged up curtains, toys and pillows that were too stained to be cleaned. Yet another claims she threw away a tooth with the root intact.

She also helped get rid of Kelsey’s cell phone. She took it with her to Idaho to throw off the investigation. She did draw the line, however, at helping him dispose of Kelsey’s body. The reports are fuzzy on whether or not she was present when Patrick moved Kelsey’s body to a water trough, added gas and wood, and burned it. Initial reports seemed to indicate she wasn’t there but was told what happened; later reports have her there when he burned Kelsey’s body. Afterwards, he disposed of the remains in either a dump or the river. At least he had the good sense to whine to Krystal, “You don’t know how hard it is to have Thanksgiving dinner after killing her.” Who says the man doesn’t have a heart?

I do not understand these women who seem to be flattered that a man “loves” them so much he’s willing to kill the current girlfriend/wife for them. Are they really so stupid they think they’re special? Maybe I’m one cynical bitch but I would be telling myself, “Self, if he’s willing to kill her to be with you, what do you think he’s going to do when he’s tired of you?” Hell, I know he’s killed somebody for me! I’m a liability! That’s not how they think though.

Patrick is one sick, sadistic sonofabitch. I hope someone gets him alone with a blindfold and a baseball bat. I really don’t think Krystal is any better. If that woman had even a small conscience she would have hightailed her ass to the police the minute he began asking her to kill his fiancee. I’m not sure how many people would not consider that a deal breaker. Obviously it wasn’t for Krystal. I’d like to believe there aren’t many people that stupid, selfish, and sociopathic.

There are many who believe she either helped him kill her or encouraged him to do so. I’m sure there are just as many who believe she knew beyond a doubt that he was going to kill her. Naturally, she lied when confronted by the police. “Patrick who? No, I’m not sleeping with him.” Then later she ‘fessed up, probably when her DNA was found at the crime scene. Her story now is that she deliberately left clues behind so he would get caught; she was just so scared of him and believed she had to go along with what he wanted for fear he would kill her as well.

As far as their story goes I don’t know what I believe. Does it really matter? A beautiful, vivacious young mother is dead. Her fiance could have walked away, shared custody. His dipshit mistress could have alerted her, or the police. Anyone, really. None of that happened.

What I do know is that this story once again illustrates how affairs are not simply two consenting adults minding their own business. Anyone who thinks differently should try telling that to Kelsey Berreth’s little girl.

A Hex on Hax

I don’t know what your Google newsfeed looks like but mine is filled with news about the royals, some television, Ted Bundy, as of late, sharks, the Kardashians and Duggars, for some strange reason, and advice columns. So many advice columnists. I’ve got Dear Abby, Dear Prudence, and Dear Amy, and Carolyn Hax.

As you might be able to surmise I have a bone to pick with Ms. Hax. One of her latest columns featured a woman who had been married for 33 years. From what the letter writer writes it seems she was a stay at home mom to 3 children who are now all college educated adults. Husband traveled for work quite often. Letter writer held down the fort. She has “a feeling” one day and spies only to find out her husband has been cheating on her; the affairs go back at least 20 years. The entire time he’s been cheating he’s also been having sex with his wife. Wife quietly gathers proof- she’s downloading emails and texts and dating profiles. She’s got a GPS tracker. She is prepared. And then little by little she methodically divulges this information to the husbands, boyfriends, and families of the people involved.

I don’t want to speak for Carolyn but I think what upset her so much was the very matter-of-fact way the wife went about this and the fact she seemed to have no remorse. As she stated at the end of her letter: Shouldn’t all the players’ lives be altered as the wife’s life has been? Shouldn’t these people, without concern for wife and children- whom some met- be exposed for what they are?

Please don’t advise karma, therapy, divorce, the price of revenge. Whatever wife decides to do about the marriage isn’t relevant, this is about leveling the playing field.

It was probably the whole, “Shouldn’t all the players lives be altered as the wife’s life has been?” 
That sounds way too much like vengeance and as we all know, vengeance is bad. We must accept being cheated on and humiliated with a smile on our face and a song in our heart. We owe it to all the other parties to keep our lips closed and to let them wander about with no consequences.

This was Carolyn’s response:

You suffered a devastating pain, which no one deserves. I’m sorry that happened to you.

You responded, though, by inflicting pain just for the sake of inflicting pain, which nothing justifies. You leveled the playing field with firebombs and calculated fury.

And without apology or apparent remorse.

Even though such payback never affects only the guilty, but also the people who love them. Innocents all.

He did this to you, with them, yes- but you ensured that everyone affected got the most information in the worst way possible.

Yet I can’t talk about karma, therapy or the price of revenge?

Does that mean you’ve written only to invite applause?

I have none. I have only dismay at reading of a person who apparently worked hard for an entire lifetime to build good things, and then, under the influence of incendiary rage, turned destructive as if these were movie people and feelings, not real ones.

I know you don’t want help.

But I hope you cool down enough to see the wisdom of getting it, professionally and soon.

Huh. I guess we are once again back to the old adage, “It’s not what I did that is the problem; it’s your reaction to it that is the problem.”

I find it interesting that Ms. Hax seems appalled at the idea that the wife’s response was more severe than the injury inflicted upon her. I guess if there was a way to measure how devastated this wife of 33 years was by the information she uncovered then her response/revenge could only be equal to that. But how do we measure that? And what is an equal response? If you find out someone you know is fucking your husband are you entitled to call her a big ol’ poopyhead but telling her husband she’s a whore is out of bounds? I’m not sure of the rules here. Perhaps Ms. Hax thinks it’s better if we just go about our lives as though nothing is remiss. Smile and wave, ladies. Smile and wave.

I have this philosophy. It’s pretty simple. Probably too simple. It goes like this: If you don’t want your spouse or significant other to be told you’re sleeping with other people’s spouses, then don’t sleep with other people’s spouses. Crazy simple, right?

I also find it interesting that Ms. Hax seems so bewildered by the fact the wife is not remorseful or apologetic about blowing the lid off of these secret affairs.

If I’ve made the choice to tell someone’s husband that his wife has been fucking my husband I’m not going to apologize for it nor will I feel remorseful. I obviously feel like I’m in the right in doing so. I may feel terrible for that duped husband or boyfriend, but that’s not my shame to bear. Me telling him his wife/girlfriend has been sleeping with my husband isn’t what hurt him; her actually fucking my husband is what has hurt him. Period.

I will also take issue with her statement that the wife inflicted pain just to inflict pain. I think the letter writer can easily argue that she wanted to let these clueless men know what they were dealing with so they weren’t blindsided like she was. She’s offering up information. What they choose to do with that information is their business. At least they are fully informed.

I did love this gem: Even though such payback never affects only the guilty, but also the people who love them. Innocents all.

Are we including the betrayed wife’s children in the tally of innocents? Or just the families of the women who cheated with her husband?

Carolyn, I know you didn’t ask me but here’s my take on this bullshit. I really don’t think any of the guilty parties’ loved ones are suddenly going to turn against them. Their mommies and daddies will still love them. Their siblings will still invite them over for Christmas. Their children will more than likely still think the sun rises and sets by them. What we’re really talking about in this situation is the fact that the person who was sleeping with the wife’s husband may suffer a moment of embarrassment. Oh, the horrors!

It’s possible you might have an irate husband or boyfriend, but even then I’d lay 50/50 odds that he won’t leave her. I’m not sure if all of these people who were contacted were the significant other when the affair took place (they did go back 20 years) but in the case of a boyfriend who didn’t even know the hussy when she was doing the wife’s husband, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he didn’t care about her previous affairs. She didn’t cheat on him…

Plus, I’m still going to offer up the idea that if you don’t want the people in your life to find out you’re a husband fucking whore then don’t fuck other people’s husbands. If you continue to do so then that’s the price you may pay.

He did this to you, with them, yes- but you ensured that everyone affected got the most information in the worst way possible.

Information is bad. It’s horrible. Let’s keep everyone in the dark.

Again, Ms. Hax insists that the problem is not what the cheaters did; it’s the fact that the betrayed wife lets the other spouses/significant others know what they did. Fucking around on your partner isn’t bad. Telling someone their partner is fucking around is downright evil. You need professional help immediately!

I think my favorite part though was when Carolyn admonishes the betrayed wife for turning destructive because these people were real people, dammit! Not fake movie people. And their feelings were real. Their families’ feelings were real, too. Unlike the betrayed wife. She was just a movie prop. She had no feelings. No one needed to consider her. Or her family.

All those women who met her and her then minor children and then went off and gleefully fucked her husband certainly weren’t treating any of them like they were real people Nope. They were simply props in their affair-y tale world.

Quite honestly her final remarks were condescending and arrogant: I know you don’t want help but I hope you cool down enough to see the wisdom of getting it, professionally and soon.

Really? Why does this woman need professional help? Because she isn’t taking crap from the cheaters who felt entitled to cheat behind her back? Because she didn’t shut up and sit down and remain silent when she found out what was going on? Because she decided if some woman wanted to ride her husband badly enough then her family could damn well hear about what their lovely wife/girlfriend/daughter/mom/sister was doing? Because she dared to speak up? Because instead of remaining passive and having things done to her and her life she took charge and started being proactive? Because she dared to push back against entitled cheaters?

Hell, I wish I had half her moxie when I found out what my dear cheating husband was doing. The only thing I did was file for divorce and take all the money. I had no one to tell because I was the one that was contacted. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again for the record. I am enormously thankful that The Saint contacted me. If he hadn’t I probably would have gone on to pay off the pool and the kids and I would have been living in utter poverty from day one.

To hell with you and your worthless advice, Carolyn Hax.

 

This Is What They Look Like, Part 1

I’ve had a bit of writer’s block lately. Nothing to report. No infidelity articles to snark about. Until today.

I came across someone writing a glowing report about an article that was posted in the New York Times Modern Love. Written by Karin Jones it is all about what she learned about infidelity  by sleeping with married men.

I’ll save you the hassle of reading the article itself. It pretty much boils down to: Ladies, you suck! Or, don’t suck enough, as the case may be. It’s always about the sex. They’re just not getting enough and if only you puritanical types could let your husbands go off and fuck any random woman to get that “intimacy” met then everyone would be happy. You could keep your marriage and your upper middle class lifestyle, and he would never leave because he was getting all the sex he could ever want. From everyone. Sometimes maybe even you! Aren’t you lucky?

We all know they only stray because of the lack of sex, don’t we? And they are all poster children for the perfect husband aside from their proclivity to fuck random strange. It’s never because they’re unable to be satisfied, or entitled, or just have piss poor judgment and life skills. It’s never because they enjoy secretly getting one over on their partner. There is no thrill in knowing something she doesn’t know. Oh no! It always comes down to the wife not putting out enough.

Men, I apologize for being so general. I try to keep it gender neutral. My own love was cheated on more than once by his wife, so I know it’s not a men only thing. However, this article was written by a woman about unfaithful men with whom she was sleeping. I’m speaking only in terms of her article.

Back to the blog on WordPress. That writer praised Karin for being so brave. Yes, it’s so brave to admit you sleep with married men. Something tells me Karin is not one bit ashamed of that. I would bet money Karin feels rather hip and liberated, no longer chained to those old fashioned ideas that say adultery is wrong.

The writer admits he had two long term affairs (18 months) in his own marriage that ended in divorce, and he thinks Karin pretty much nails it! Surprise, surprise! It was all about the sex. If his wife had only put out more he wouldn’t have needed to cheat on her!

According to him he was an amazing husband. He helped out around the house, he was an active, involved father, he made good money, he never yelled at her, he complimented her, and most importantly, he worked out like a fiend so he could be in great shape for her. Plus, he’s pretty sure that he’s awesome in bed so it wasn’t that he just didn’t do it for her.

I’m being unkind. His second wife seems to be very happy with his performance sexually. Coincidentally, she loves having sex and they have tons of it, so it really must have been the ex-wife’s fault that he cheated.

He’s also created charts that show exactly how much sex he was having with his ex-wife and now, his new wife, so he knows he was only having sex with his ex about twice a month and now has sex 4-5 times a week. He’s even older now than he was when he was with his ex but just look at him go! It’s probably all that working out he did.

Hey, I wonder if his wife got fat and that was another reason he had to cheat.

Karin does ask the question: Why not just ask your wife for permission to have the occasional fling or casual affair?

My answer is: Silly Karin. They don’t ask permission because that would spoil the fun of knowing something your partner doesn’t know. They don’t ask permission because that might put a crimp in their lifestyle. They might find themselves splitting their 401k and paying child support. Even worse, if they’re allowed to go off and have the occasional fling then maybe their partner can go off and have the occasional fling as well, and that’s just not acceptable! Cheater gets all the cake! And the ice cream, too.

His response was predictable. He didn’t want to “hurt” people. Ending the marriage would be a “disaster” and would end up hurting everyone- his kids, his wife, his in-laws. He also recognized he would become a part-time dad. More on that in a minute.

In the end he decided that having an affair was the honorable thing to do. It was the only solution. He could keep his family together and get his sexual needs taken care of. What a swell guy! I’m sure his wife appreciated him cheating on her instead of manning up and divorcing her. Throw in an STD for an added bonus!

It is obvious that he and his wife were not sexually compatible. We could argue about whether or not that is a reason to divorce your spouse. Some people have a high sex drive; others have a much lower one. The two of them, of course, lament the fact that the lower libido spouse is always the one that controls how much sex is being had. Naturally they think that either the high libido spouse should rule, or that they should come up with a compromise. I don’t know what the correct answer is. I know what it isn’t. You don’t go off and have affairs and think that will solve things. You don’t go off and have affairs and then try to dress that up as you doing something honorable or helpful. You don’t blame the fact that you chose to have an affair on your spouse and their unwillingness to have sex.

This is where it gets interesting. In an earlier post he talks about how he was afraid that he would never be satisfied by just one woman and he brought that up to his new, future wife fairly early on in their relationship. He concludes, four years later, that he is entirely satisfied by this new wife. Yet, he and his new wife are swingers, or monogam-ish. He is so satisfied with his new wife with whom he has amazing sex 4-5 times a week that they both have sex with other people several times a month. I do not think that word means what he thinks it means.

Furthermore, in yet another post, they (they write this blog together) talk about a swinging event they had where she was very hurt by the fact that he got a blow job from a woman without her (the wife’s) consent or knowledge. So I guess being allowed to fuck anything that moves didn’t stop him from going behind her back. Which again brings us back to the oft recited: It’s the thrill of knowing something your partner doesn’t.

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Meet Your Second Wife

SNL has this hilarious skit called, “Meet Your Second Wife”. It takes aim at the middle aged man who dumps his wife of 15-20+ years for the little schmoopie half his age. I saw it linked over on Chump Lady probably a good year ago and I laughed hysterically while I watched it. I later showed it to the mobster who also laughed hysterically right in the middle of the restaurant where we were eating.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

The Wacky Things Cheating Women Say

I was perusing WordPress, trying to catch up on sites I follow when a title caught my eye. I only saw, “I Gave Myself to My Children Completely” and clicked on the link, thinking, “Wow- we might have something in common.” I thought perhaps I might learn something. I, however, didn’t catch the remaining part of the title which was, “… But I Never Thought They Would Hate Me.”

Anyway… I click on the link, head on over to the site and begin reading. I’m feeling all sympathetic because the story she’s telling is one of divorce and her son turning against her. I’m thinking I know where this is heading: Husband cheats, leaves wife, and turns son against her. Poor woman! I’m pretty sure it was the line: I was a good wife right until the very end that made me think this was a story of her being her husband’s victim.

But no! In fact, she was having an affair. She wanted a divorce. The day came for her to sign the papers and she changes her mind. Oh no! I can’t leave my family. I’m not ready to do that! Only guess what? By this time, her husband who had been willing to reconcile with his lying, cheating wife had had enough and he said, “No thank you,” to her reconciliation plan.

This is where it gets so so fun! “Sylvie” gives us such gems as:

My ex wanted to work on our marriage. At the time, I didn’t. I’d been seeing Brad for a couple of months and things were going well. When everything blew up, I felt- weirdly- special. I was getting a lot of attention. I felt wanted, worth fighting for. But I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. I wanted out of the marriage. I was excited by how new and good things were with Brad.

Oh, you were “seeing” Brad for a couple of months? Hmmm…. I’m not sure about where you live, dear Sylvie, but where I live “seeing” someone else when you are, you know, married, is called having an affair. You can stick a bouquet of flowers up your ass but it’s still not a vase.

And yes, Sylvie, things with a new lover generally are exciting and new. You don’t know about any of his bad habits. You haven’t yet begun to be irritated by all those little traits of his that once were endearing. Oh, and because you don’t actually live with him or do anything for him aside from fuck him, you get all the fun times and none of the responsibilities. Affairs are the epitome of thrilling, titillating and scandalous.

But let’s concentrate on lines 4, 5, and 6: When everything blew up, I felt- weirdly- special. I was getting a lot of attention. I felt wanted, worth fighting for.

Oh, you delightful little sociopath, you! You felt special having an affair? You’re not special because you’re fucking some strange guy named Brad in the backseat of your minivan. You’re not special because you’re lying to your husband, ripping your kids lives apart, and rutting around like a pig in mud.

You were getting a lot of attention and you felt wanted and worth fighting for? How very nice for you. You sure do like making your husband jump through hoops for you, don’t you? All that dancing. All that begging and pleading and praying you’ll pick him. That must have been so wonderful. So intoxicating, Sylvie.  All so that you can say, “No, I don’t want you anymore. I want Brad. He’s shiny and new. You’re old and boring and I have to do your laundry.”

I know I made a mistake, a really big one. I shouldn’t have had an affair. I should have ended our marriage decently, with a civil conversation or a nice handshake. But that wasn’t my reality. I’m not perfect. And while I may not have always been a great wife, I was always a great mom.

Po-ta-to, po-tah-to. It was just a mistake. She’ll cop to the fact that it was a really big one, but hey, let’s not get carried away! It’s not like she’s pretending to be perfect.

Oh Sylvie, once again you try to lure us into this false dichotomy. You are either perfect or you’re a lying, cheating whore. No, no, Sylvie, there are other options. You can be imperfect and still not cheat! For example, I have a lot of road rage and I have a potty mouth. I still don’t cheat. I forgot to write a note for my son’s absences for, like, three weeks. I wasn’t able to go my daughter’s first track meet. That is not perfect. Yet, it’s still not riding some other guy’s dick.

We can even go back to the original line that threw me in the beginning:

I was a good wife right until the very end.

Sylvie, do you understand what being a good wife even is? I’m not sure I can quantify it but I sure as hell know you can’t cheat on your husband and then claim to be a good wife right until the very end.

That’s like someone saying, “Yes, I killed those girls, but I was a good person right up until the very end.” Um…. no. Just no.

Or a drunk driver who has slammed into another car saying, “Hey, I was in control of my vehicle right until the very end.” Again, I’m going to have to go with no.

Good wives and husbands do not cheat. Period.

This one is my favorite:

I thought that Alex would get better- that maybe, with time, he would come to see that people in happy marriages don’t cheat on each other. He would understand that my actions stemmed from a very deep unhappiness- and that I could not keep punishing myself for wanting to be happy again.

I’m sure you were hoping that good ol’ Alex would just get over his mom being a lying, scheming, cheating, selfish bitch. Just get over it, son! Can’t you see Mommy is happy? Don’t you know that Mommy being happy is the most important thing in the world? Aren’t you happy now that I’m happily screwing some guy who isn’t your dad? I realize I’ve torn your life apart but I’m happy now! Geez, Alex, can’t you just get over it and think of someone besides yourself for once in your life? I can’t imagine why Alex isn’t getting over it and isn’t thrilled that his mom has found love and happiness with her affair partner. After all, it is all about the cheaters and their happiness.

I’m going to have to call bullshit on this though, Sylvie: … maybe, with time, he would come to see that people in happy marriages don’t cheat on each other.

Yes they do, Sylvie. All the time. People cheat for the thrill of it. They cheat because they can. They cheat because they have no empathy and no idea how to interact socially with others. They cheat because they believe they are entitled to cheat. They cheat because they have crappy character. They cheat because they are selfish.

As for your unhappiness argument, grow the fuck up, Sylvie! If you were unhappy you had many choices. It wasn’t a matter of being unhappy or having an affair. Stop with your damn false dichotomies.

And am I the only person who doesn’t think Sylvie would ever be willing to punish herself? That sad little drivel about not continuing to punish herself for wanting to be happy is absolute rubbish. Sylvie comes across as a total narcissistic sociopath who only thinks of herself and her happiness.

She reminds me of Jezebel whining to her mom: Will I ever be happy? She’s asking this as she’s fucking her pastor, a man married twenty plus years and twenty years her senior. She asks this as she and her pastor are pulling the wool over the congregation’s eyes, leading them to believe that nothing is going on between them and that it’s all nasty rumors even while they share a joint checking account and make plans to run off to another state. Hmmm… that sounds familiar. Like brother, like sister.

These people are disordered fuckwits. They take and take and take, and then when they’re caught they whine about their unhappiness and bravely declare that they will no longer punish themselves for wishing to be happy. No matter who pays the price for their happiness!

This was brilliant:

I didn’t take a thing from that house. I left behind my career to take care of Anna and Alex. I gave myself to them completely. And even after things ended between their father and me, I thought only about them. I let my ex keep the house, and the kids stayed with him so that the disruption to their routine was minimal. They were surrounded by their things, their dog, and their friends. Maybe it was a mistake, losing myself in them. But I just never thought that my own child would hate me.

First of all, as a very astute reader over on Chump Lady observed once upon a time: Good parents don’t napalm their children’s lives. Second of all, if you decide to leave behind your career to take care of your kids you might not want to fuck around on your husband seeing as how he supports you. Now that those two points are out of the way we can move on.

She makes it sound like she was being so selfless and so brave. She just walked away with nothing. She surrendered her children so as to not disrupt them. What a brave, loving mom.

No, if you read a little further I think it’s safe to come to the conclusion that Sylvie simply walked away from her old life. She shed it all like a snake sheds its skin and started over completely with no remnants from her old life. Oh, also familiar! Hey, Cousinfucker, is that you, telling your story under an assumed name and as the opposite sex? Clever!

Kids and pets take time out of your day, time that could be spent fucking Brad. They represent real life and responsibilities and Sylvie doesn’t seem to do much of that. She needed a change. She didn’t have time to be a mom. She had a new life with Brad! Kids were a buzzkill. And if she couldn’t be bothered with her kids then she sure as hell wasn’t going to be bothered by a damn dog! Her kids and pets and all the responsibilities that come along with them being with you full-time were holding her back and taking valuable time away from her fantasy life with Brad. How can you pretend they don’t exist if they’re right there in front of you, reminding you of what you’ve done and all that you’ve taken away from them? Hey- she will not punish herself for wanting to be happy anymore, people! Stop trying to make her unhappy.

It’s been five years since the divorce and so much has changed in my life. I’ve gone back to school. I’ve started my own successful business. And I just got married- to Brad. My ex recently got engaged, too.

Oh, I see. You getting married to the douche that you tossed aside your family for is equal to your cheated on husband finally finding someone worthy of him. Yes, you marrying your fuck buddy is absolutely the same thing as your husband getting engaged five years after your betrayal. And hey, that just makes it all better, right? It was for the best. Now your ex-husband has finally found happiness, too. Gee, that sure is a pretty package all wrapped up with a shiny bow. Happy endings for everyone!

My son is in college now, and my daughter is in high school. Parts of us have moved on, but parts of us still live with the sadness accumulated during those years.

I have a feeling Sylvie doesn’t live with any sadness. She got exactly what she wanted.

I try to see Anna as much as possible. She’s become a beautiful young lady.

Yes, she sees her daughter as much as possible, which isn’t much because she’s so busy running her new successful business and fucking her new husband, Brad. Don’t try to guilt her, Anna! Your mom will no longer apologize for wanting to be happy. If she needs to step on your neck to reach that elusive happiness then you stick it out there for her with no complaints. Maybe one day you can grow up to be as selfish as her.

I sent Alex a text a little while ago. It said: I love you, I will continue to love you, no matter what you say or how you feel.

His response: I’m sure you will; I’m familiar with that sentiment. Now for the final time you need to Leave. Me. Alone. That is the best thing you can do for me.

Unfortunately for you, Sylvie, I think your son has got your number and knows exactly who you are. He’s a smart boy. I’m pretty sure he knows to steer clear of any women who remind him of his mom.

Cold Hard Reality Sneaks Up

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m a loyal Chump Lady reader. I find her view on infidelity refreshing. She doesn’t make excuses for the cheaters. She doesn’t accept blame for their actions. I’m sure there are those that don’t like her black and white thinking, or the fact that she’s not very optimistic when it comes to reconciliation. I don’t march in total lockstep with her but I do agree with most of her viewpoints. I like reading the comments as well because so many others have endured something very similar to what I’m going through. I have a huge Word document that contains little nuggets of wisdom I’ve gleaned from her pages. So much of what is said there makes so much sense to me; it also tends to closely align with the way I believe. You read there for a while and you forget how the rest of the world views infidelity.

How do they view it? Let me count the ways. Read any online article and its comments or a blog by the affair participants and you’ll read about how it takes two, it (the affair) was a mistake, no one is perfect, she/he wasn’t meeting my needs, the poor dears just have such a high sex drive and the spouse can never keep up, there must have been problems in the marriage, happy people don’t cheat (i.e. it must have been the spouse’s fault), monogamy isn’t natural, people are so judgmental of adulterers, adultery has been around as long as time so it must be natural to cheat, and affairs can make you a better spouse/parent because you’re happier. That’s just for starters. There is also the ever popular: She must have let herself go, she gained weight, she withheld sex, she doesn’t know how to take care of her man…

What a load of shit. The whole “letting herself go” kills me. Yes, because only fat, ugly women get cheated on. Maybe someone should let Jennifer Aniston, Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon and Eva Longoria know they need to take better care of themselves. You’ve let yourself go, ladies!

I’m also a big fan of the withholding sex/not enough sex excuse. First of all, over the years I’ve read comments from a lot of women who were absolutely stunned that their husbands had enough time and energy to have an affair because they were getting it at home every day or every other day. I know of a woman whose advice was to give it up whenever he wanted, even if you didn’t feel like it because if you didn’t he would go looking for it elsewhere. Guess what? Her husband still cheated. Fathered a child with his mistress, in fact. I’ve already recounted how my own little cousin fucking sociopath told everyone we hadn’t had sex in ten years. Hey, current and potential mistresses? The thing about cheaters? They lie. So while you may think you’re saving the poor soul from a sexless marriage chances are he’s a lying sack of shit.

Closely related is, “My spouse is not meeting my needs.” Oh well, then by all means go out and fuck someone else! You are entitled to it, my poor sad sausage! You know what else? If your boss isn’t meeting your request for a raise you should just steal from the company! You deserve it. Who is your boss to deny your request? What are they expecting when they won’t give you what you want?

We could extrapolate this to everything! I told her to shut up and not make me angry. What did she think was going to happen? You can’t fault me for slapping her around. Or: Hey, I paid a lot of money for that dinner and concert. She knew I was really into her. What did she think was going to happen at the end of the date, especially when she agreed to come inside my apartment? I deserved sex for everything I did for her. Sure, some judgmental people might call it rape, but I call it rewarding me for all that money I spent. Let’s try this one: The baby was crying. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t get him to stop so I shook him. You can’t blame me for that; anyone else would have done the same thing! Or my personal favorite: He cheated on me so I ran him down with my car. What did he think was going to happen?

Funny observation here… you know what’s even older than adultery? Murder. And yet I’m pretty sure none of the cheaters out there would find it understandable if their spouse actually did kill them. I certainly don’t see them defending the act with the same vim and vigor that they excuse cheating because “he/she wasn’t meeting my needs.” Another funny observation… Thanks to all my ID TV viewing it seems it’s usually the cheaters who kill their partners and not the other way around. Because they’re entitled fuckwits who don’t care who gets hurt so long as they get what they want. They don’t think they should have to lose anything so it’s easier to just kill off the discarded partner instead of divorcing and taking whatever consequences happen to hit them in the face.

Newsflash! People in happy marriage DO cheat. Some people just like knowing they are getting one over on their spouse. They like a pussy or dick buffet. No matter how happy or satisfied, no matter how well fucked, they will still mess around because they like it. It is fun for them. It is all in the thrill of the deception.

It also does not take two people to destroy a marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage work; it only takes one to destroy it. Well, I suppose if you also count the whore who is willing to sleep with another person’s spouse then yes, it does take two. But we all know when a person says that they are referring to the husband and wife both needing to participate in the destruction. This is also the point in the discussion where I like to point out that if I couldn’t make my cousinfucker eat a turnip then I couldn’t be expected to make him be faithful.

No marriage is perfect; therefore, every marriage is going to have problems. Cheating does not solve them. It adds to them. Furthermore, there are many things you can do if you are experiencing problems in your marriage. Counseling, talking, and divorcing are a few of those. Having an affair is not a great solution. It is a selfish move and it is no excuse. I know there will be those who say, “But we’ve tried counseling! I’ve tried telling him/her what the problem is/what I need but my spouse never listens. Nothing ever changes.” This is your chance to be a big boy or girl and actually file for that divorce. If you’re so miserable you are looking to fuck another person then I would think you were miserable enough to actually file for a divorce and attempt to start a new life. Grow up and act like a damn adult instead of a toddler throwing a tantrum! Get out when you realize you’re unhappy and nothing is going to change instead of waiting until you have a new warm bed to fall into. I don’t care how horrible your spouse was; when you wait until you have someone new lined up you will always be the the one in the wrong. Nothing they did or didn’t do will compare to what you’ve now done.

I think my quartet of favorites, though, might be the “it was a mistake,” “it just happened,” “no one is perfect” and “people are so judgmental” justifications. No one is perfect? Really? Here I thought if I was the perfect wife, married to the perfect man, raising the perfect children in the perfect house then I would have the perfect life! Can you see my eyes rolling so far back in my head that I can actually see the dinosaurs? Do you honestly think you need to be perfect in order to not cheat on your spouse? Seriously? That’s the bar we’ve set now, is it? In order to keep your dick in your pants or to keep dicks from falling into your vagina, you must be perfect. Everyone else fucks indiscriminately! Ridiculous! You know who thinks you need to be perfect in order to not cheat on your spouse? Entitled, cake eating fuckwits, that’s who!

Furthermore, no the affair did not “just happen” and it was not “a mistake”. You weren’t walking along and happened to trip onto someone’s nether regions. There were conscious decisions and well thought out deceptions that occurred all along. I wrote something similar about that here.

I’m going to paraphrase Chump Lady: A mistake is forgetting to pick up milk on your way home, or buying Charmin Extra Strong instead of Charmin Extra Soft; it’s not fucking another person. That is a deliberate choice!

When you find yourself getting a little too close and a little too attracted to someone who is not your spouse, that’s your moment to sever ties and get your head out of your ass. If you decide to keep this “friendship” going then you have made a choice and you can no longer say the affair “just happened” or that it “was a mistake”. No, you nurtured it. You chose it. If it was “a mistake” like you wish to claim then it was “a mistake” you willingly made.

Every lie you tell your spouse in order to carry on your relationship with this new person is a deliberate deception. It is not something that “just happened.” You don’t mistakenly tell lies in order to carry on a relationship that you know would be painful to your spouse.

There are many choices leading up to an actual affair and you chose each and every one of them, so please, now that you’ve been caught do not insult my intelligence with your “it just happened” and “it was a mistake” nonsense. “A” mistake would be a single mistake. A single time you mixed up the Charmin Extra Strong with the Charmin Extra Soft. An affair is multiple “mistakes”- each and every lie, each and every choice to do the wrong thing, each and every act. It is deliberating gas lighting your spouse, manipulating them, deceiving them. And it didn’t “just happen.” It was well thought out and meticulously planned.

Again, I really doubt anyone would believe me if I was in court explaining, “I don’t know why I ran him over with my car. Repeatedly. It just happened! I had no control over it. One minute I’m on the sidewalk, talking to him and the next, BOOM, I’m behind the wheel of the car running his pathetic ass over. It was a huge mistake; I’m so sorry! Hey, no one’s perfect!”

I would take on the “people are so judgmental” blame shifting but unfortunately, every time I try all I can hear is, “Whaaaaa! Whaaaaa!” Poor little babies. Out there fucking other people and no one is willing to understand their pain and sympathize.

I know this doesn’t describe every cheater but it does describe mine and many others. He cheats on me, abandons his kids, quits his job, plays victim, tries to get out of paying a generous child and spousal support order, tries to skirt any and all of his financial obligations, and instead of giving me a very generous settlement agreement so that he can begin his new life with the whore he instead tries to fuck me over, and yet I’m the one who needs to work on my social skills! Don’t be so judgmental, Sam! Gosh, it’s not like you’re perfect!

Does it ever occur to these self-absorbed whining babies that maybe they should be judged? That maybe they are doing awful things? That maybe they are not making the best choices? Of course not! That would actually mean taking responsibility for their own shitty behavior instead of shifting it off onto the spouse they shit all over.

Hearing that having an affair makes you a better spouse (or parent) is another one of those senseless things that tend to come out of cheaters’ mouths. Yes, and as Chump Lady likes to say, breaking your knee caps improves your tennis game! My home catching on fire tends to help me with my cluttering issues! Abandoning your children makes you a better parent! Totaling your car makes you a better driver! I could do this all day. Ah, but the cheater did say that it makes them a better spouse because they’re happier. I guess that’s one of those: If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy kinda things.

The problem with this is that once again the cheater is only concerned with his or her own happiness. Let’s face it; they don’t really give a shit if the cheated on spouse is happy. Nor do they really care about their children’s happiness. They care about whether or not they are happy. If they bring someone into your life who ends up being a bunny boiling psychopath… hey, that bunny boiler was fantastic in bed and it made them happy… so why complain about the fact you now need a restraining order against her and can’t let your kids out of your sight for fear she’ll abduct or hurt them? If they end up giving you an incurable STD, hey, at least they were happy! If that STD causes you to lose your baby in your 5th month of pregnancy…. come on, can’t you focus on the fact that he was happy, dammit! Have you never made a mistake? Oh no; I’ll bet you’re perfect!

If they end up spending thousands, or hundreds of thousands on the affair partner, or plowing through all of the marital assets, leaving you and your children in poverty, you shouldn’t be upset about that. No, be happy for them because they’re happy. Your marriage is going to be so much better now!

Hmmm… I’ll have to ask my kids if their daddy being happy makes them happy. I’m not quite sure that the tradeoff was worth it. On one hand Dad’s getting his dick sucked regularly; on the other hand my kids have seen their entire lives as they knew it dissolve in an instant. It’s such a tough call.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and declare that all the spouses who have been killed by cheating spouses are not happy. I will further declare that their loved ones are also not happy. They don’t give a rat’s ass about the cheater’s happiness.

Finally, they love to declare that monogamy is not natural; therefore, cheating is natural and to be expected. Do you know what else isn’t natural? Shitting in an indoor toilet that you then flush. Electricity. Heart transplants. Vaccines. Penicillin. Not dying in childbirth when the baby can’t squeeze through the birth canal. Alarm clocks. Birth control. Living in spite of having diabetes. Vacuum cleaners. Microwaves. Keurigs. Surviving cancer. Washing your hands to prevent the spread of germs. Women voting.

Those are all modern inventions. How many cheaters wish to do without them?

As far as how animals work things out in the wild… well, let’s say you go leave to be with your new and improved lover. In the wild when a new alpha male takes over he tends to kill the offspring of the previous alpha. Are you good with your children being killed off? Because that’s what happens naturally. In nature.

Furthermore, it’s not like you don’t know what you’re signing up for. Very few people are actually forced to get married, or to marry someone not of their own choosing. Remaining single and fucking everything that moves is certainly an option. I know; if you choose that option who is going to take care of you? Who is going to help finance your 401k or your savings account? Who will watch the children, walk the dogs, do the laundry, and give you the appearance of wholesome family man or woman? Hey, those spouse appliances are extremely useful! I know it’s a trade-off- someone there to share the burdens of life with you versus living a single life with a variety of sexual partners, but it is a choice you can make if you find monogamy so “unnatural” and difficult to follow.

Or, here’s another crazy idea. I personally would never go for a marriage where my husband was free to fuck around, but some people have those arrangements. If you want a smorgasbord of pussy or dick let’s try something unique. It’s called honesty. Before you ask this person to marry you, and certainly before any vows are said, let the person know you need a variety of private parts to keep you happy.

Sadly, that ruins the thrill for many cheaters. No more lies. No more deception. No more sneaking around behind the betrayed spouse’s back. It’s just not fun if you have permission. Plus, if you agree that you both can screw around, well, that puts you on equal ground and we can’t have that. What happens if the spouse decides he or she likes one of the conquests better? What if screwing someone else makes your spouse realize everything you lack? What if they’re out screwing some random conquest and they’re not around to iron your shirts or make your dinner or work on your car or mow the yard or show up and smile at the company Christmas party?

Besides, even in open marriages there are rules. Cheaters don’t like rules. So if the rule is you can’t see someone more than 3 times, or you must use protection or no kissing or whatever the rule may be, the cheater is going to break it, because they like getting one over on others.

It’s too bad that the same old excuses keep making the rounds and that’s the dominant voice. My hope is that eventually the voice of Chump Lady and Chump Nation will be the dominant voice and we can put these sorry excuses to bed (pardon the pun) once and for all.

Another Cheater Kills His Wife For His Whore

Oh good Lord! This one has it all. Christians, murders, delusional and enabling parents, best friend turned whore, Joyce Meyer. Everything!

Meet Chris Coleman. On second thought, don’t meet him. He’s sitting in prison in Illinois because he killed his wife and two sons in order to start all over with his wife’s high school best friend. Yeah, with friends like that who needs enemies, right? Cherry on top of that shit sundae? His wife, Sheri, introduced the two of them. I’m sure she trusted her high school best friend, that it never occurred to her to worry that she (Tara) would turn around and fuck her husband.

Why kill her? Why not simply divorce her and start all over with the dream whore? Here’s where it gets interesting. Good ol’ Chris was Joyce Meyer’s bodyguard. Yes, that Joyce Meyer, the televangelist and author. He was making six figures and all that traveling allowed him to take the whore to Hawaii and Arizona. He didn’t think he would be allowed to keep his job if anyone knew he divorced his wife for his affair partner.

So the genius begins to send threatening emails to himself. The emails demand he resign as Joyce’s bodyguard or his family will be punished for his sins. In what I am sure is a complete coincidence these threatening emails begin right when his affair with good ol’ Tara begins. Hmmm…..  Then he begins putting letters into the family mailbox. It ultimately ends with the murder of his wife and his two children. He killed his kids for this whore. Eleven and nine years old. Strangled them in their beds.

I would say that I wonder how Tara sleeps at night but the truth of the matter is she probably doesn’t give it a second thought. Hey, it’s not her fault. She didn’t break any vows. She didn’t ask him to slaughter his family; she only asked him to divorce his wife for her. I’m sure she’s not mourning the loss of her high school best friend. She was fucking her husband so I can’t imagine she’s all that broken up about her death. But not to worry. The cheating whore found Jesus after the murders so everything is right with the world.

His parents blame everyone except their murderous son. Talk about enabling and delusional. That accurately describes these two nincompoops. Both parents are “devout Christians”; his father is a pastor. According to them his deceased wife was “worldly” with her short shorts and a tattoo on her leg. They got married quickly and the parents later found out it was because Sheri was pregnant. Chris did an assessment for work and he listed his weaknesses as being moody, withdrawn, and unaffectionate. This was an assessment he filled out. His parents completely disagree with it. “Oh, that’s all Sheri telling him those things.” Yes, blame the dead woman. It couldn’t possibly be your precious son. Chris and Tara had promise rings they wore when they were together. Tara wore hers to court when she was called to testify. His parents couldn’t believe she wore it and are convinced she was the one that bought them completely against their son’s wishes. His father thinks perhaps a mercenary killed his grandsons, hired by an enemy of Joyce’s. In court there were pictures of their son with his mistress. Text messages read. Pictures described because they were explicit- naked pictures of him, naked pictures of her. A video of their son masturbating for Tara, telling her how wonderful she was and how he wouldn’t do this for just anybody. But the thing that made them leave the courtroom? The video of their son’s interrogation. That they couldn’t handle. Pictures of their dead grandsons, graffiti spray painted on the sheet covering one of them didn’t seem to phase them, but their son being grilled for their murders was too much.

These so-called Christian parents remind me so much of Pastor Fake and Tammy Faye. They don’t care what happens to their grandchildren so long as Cousinfucker is happy. Nothing is ever his fault; I’m sure it’s all mine.

I suppose I should be thankful that Cousinfucker hasn’t killed me and the kids yet. Then again, he walked out the door without a second glance back so in his mind we simply don’t exist.

Anyway, Chris Coleman, you’re a despicable shell of a human being. And Tara Lintz, you are no better. He slaughtered his family for you. Was it worth it?

Living With a Cheater on the Weekends… For the Children (Of Course!)

Did anyone get a chance to see the article in the Washington Post about two months ago entitled, “Daddy’s Home: Why I Let My Ex Live With Us On Weekends“? If not let me catch you up. “Daddy” has an affair, gets the younger woman pregnant, and leaves his wife and two children to move five hours away in with the new family. But here’s the twist! He’s such a devoted daddy that he drives five hours each way every weekend and shacks up with the old family on the weekends. For the children, of course.

Oh where to start with this hot mess? Did I forget to mention that they’re still married? Yes, he’s living five hours away with the mistress and love child; then on the weekends he’s living with his wife and kids, helping her get ready for dates by picking out the perfect pair of shoes. I wonder how those introductions go?

Hi Mike; this is my husband, Big Fat Cheater. Big Fat Cheater, this is my beau, Mike. Isn’t he dreamy? I’ll be ready in just a minute. Maybe Big Fat Cheater can get you a glass of water while you wait.

Then later in the evening…

Mike: You look amazing tonight!

Wife: Oh, thank you! My husband helped me pick out the outfit.

This has been going on for FOUR YEARS! What kind of man would willingly get involved with a woman who is still married to her cheating husband and who lives with him on the weekends? Holy crap! I had filed for divorce, Cousinfucker had moved out of the house and out of state, and I didn’t let him come home and play happy family every weekend and yet I still wondered, “Who would get in the middle of this?” I figured no sane man would want to get involved with a woman who was still legally married to her husband. I figured no sane man would want to navigate that mine field with me. Apparently, there are men out there who will. #colormeshocked #saneisthekeyword #havehypotenusewilltravel

How did she get to this point, you may be asking? I’ll let her tell you.

One day I brought the children to the city where he lives and we arranged to meet at a museum. The four of us stood uncomfortably in the foyer for a few minutes before I started to walk away. My son begged me to stay, and when I said no, he asked why. Looking into my son’s eyes, the only truthful answer would have been because it was too painful for me, and that didn’t seem to me a good enough reason, so I stayed. 

That is when I began learning how to put my anger and hurt aside and focus on what was best for my children… 

There were meals at which I sat with a forced smile and nodded politely, while seething or feeling nauseous, but said nothing. There were days it took all of my strength to hold back tears watching my children interacting with their father, and remembering the happier days we had as a family.  But I had one overriding goal: to support my son and daughter in their relationships with their father. 

Oh my! I’m just going to interject here with my own feelings on this matter. No. No, sweetie, you do not need to have dinner with the jackass or hang out at museums or ballparks with him. Honestly, this kind of reasoning infuriates me. We do not cease to be people with real feelings and emotions simply because we became parents. Yes, there are certain things we give up and it is no longer only about what we want. We do indeed need to think of our children once we bring them into this world. But under no circumstances does that translate into: I need to pretend we still have an intact family for the sake of my kids. I need to play nice with the asshole that cheated on me, lied to me, got another woman pregnant WHILE STILL MARRIED TO ME, broke my heart, and destroyed our family for the sake of my kids. I need to smile and shove all my feelings of anger aside… for the children.

I’m not arguing that anyone should be deliberately antagonistic. However, I think we do children a real disservice when we try to act like divorce changes nothing. It changes EVERYTHING! And in cases where divorce was preceded by infidelity? You’re basically telling them that what the cheater did was no big deal. Um… no. It was a big deal.

Look, none of us would have chosen this for our kids but it happened. Continuing to prance around with your husband on the weekends all the while knowing he’s got a mistress and another child squirreled away in his real home can’t be good for anyone. Delusional much? Pretending you still have an intact family is not the same thing as actually having an intact family. I don’t believe it does the kids any good to carry on with this charade either. They may as well learn that divorce is a game changer.

Kid: But I want to camp out in the backyard with Daddy and make s’mores in the fire pit.

Mom: Yes, I know you do. But we’re divorced and Daddy has a new family. You need to go camping in his backyard. Where he lives. With another woman and another child.

Or…

Kid: Mom, why can’t you stay and visit the museum with us?

Mom: Because your dad and I are no longer family. This is your time with him.

Honestly, I’d be fine with: Because your dad got another woman pregnant and now lives with her and their child. When you cheat on your wife you no longer get to go to the museum or out to dinner or anything really with the person you betrayed.

She goes on to justify this arrangement by saying:

I had no control over what my husband did. But he left me. To his credit he never left our children. During the darkest days, when neither my children nor I wanted to speak to him, he still drove five hours, often only to be left standing on the front stoop or turned away. Though there is no excuse for what he did, his fortitude and love for our children does not go unnoticed by me…

Another phrase that infuriates me: He left me. He didn’t leave his children.

Oh yes he did! Does he live with his children? No? Is he giving up time with his children? Yes? Is he living with the love child as opposed to his two older children? Yes? Did he move five hours away to be with the other woman and their shared child? Yes? Well then, guess what? He left them as well. #demsdafacts

Did you ever consider the fact that if he hadn’t had an affair and moved five hours away he wouldn’t have to be making the drive every weekend? To read the comments (650 of them if you’re curious) you’d think this man was a saint simply for making the long drive every weekend. Hell, that’s nothing. Cousinfucker managed to drive six hours each way every weekend to go fuck his cousin. Where there’s a will there’s a way, I suppose. Granted, he didn’t have to keep it up for four years but let’s not quibble over small details. It must have been really exhausting though because he hasn’t been able to make the drive even once to see his children.

Finally, I’m going to quote someone from over on Chump Lady. Good parents don’t napalm families! #enoughsaid

Speaking of the comments… they were divided into those who thought the woman was a saint for “putting her children and their well being first” and those who thought she was a controlling nut job. Because, you know, there’s no in between. Nope, it’s either she lets him live with them on the weekends or she’s denying the children time with their father. No possible way to spend time with Cheater Daddy unless he’s pitching a tent right in their backyard. He couldn’t possibly take them to a hotel for the weekend or get a hotel for himself and spend the entire day with them- out of the house. Nope. No way. Similarly you’re either badmouthing him, hating him, keeping his children from him, and/or putting the children in the middle OR you let him sleep over at your house. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who thought the idea of him not being allowed in while he waited for his children was a punishment on par of, oh, let’s say cheating on your spouse. No, I take that back. Most of them thought it was worse.

In sub categories we had those who worried about the poor little three year old that didn’t get to see her daddy on weekends, those who worried about the mistress not spending time with the kids, and those who praised him for being such an active participant in his children’s lives despite the distance (see above paragraph on why that’s a bunch of bullshit).

So many people congratulated her on taking the high road and doing what was best for her kids despite the pain it caused her.

Knowing that I am doing the right thing for my children doesn’t make it easy. Every time my husband leaves to “make a call” I feel another cut to my heart. A few weekends ago we were cleaning out the garage and found my daughter’s unused scooter still in its box. I unthinkingly asked if we knew anyone with a toddler we could give it to, and in the next second the thought of his new daughter flashed across my mind, and I burst into tears. There are days when I want him out of my house and out of my life for good. It’s difficult to move forward emotionally when the cause of my pain is in my kitchen every weekend. 

It’s like the more shit sundaes we consume the better person we are. I’m at the point where I’m willing to say, “Fuck that!” Mind fucking myself does not make me a better person. Or parent. Eating copious amounts of shit does not make me a better person. Or parent. Who wants to wallow in that kind of pain over and over again every weekend for four years? Is that really the best we have to give our children? The more we suffer, the better the parent we are? No. I don’t think so.

I was equally surprised by the number of people who thought she was a controlling nut job, so insecure that she refused to let her husband take the kids and visit with him at his house with his new family. They accused her of wanting to control the situation, of wanting to keep the kids away from the other woman, of denying her kids a relationship with their sibling.

Balderdash! They’re still married for crying out loud! There are no court orders prohibiting dear ol’ dad from taking the kids wherever he wants to. And even if there are temporary court orders in place I can’t believe there is any judge that would order a man to spend all his visitation time with his kids at their residence. These kids were 12 and 10 at the time Daddy left. Toddlers regularly are bounced between homes; these kids are now teens. Don’t forget, what started this weekend arrangement was Mom bringing the kids to Dad’s town and the son begging her to tour the museum with them. My guess is dad doesn’t really care. This is convenient. He doesn’t have to try to blend his two worlds and he gets major kudos from people who think it’s admirable that after abandoning his wife and kids for the mistress and new baby that he regularly drives to see his kids.

Many people praised this “dad” for his valiant efforts in staying in contact with his first children. “Look how far he drives! What a great daddy!” Really? Again, I remind everyone he chose to move away! Putting that aside he drives five hours each way once a week (of course, I’m not sure she actually says he does this every week so maybe it’s less). That’s his big sacrifice, his claim to fame as a parent. Meanwhile, Mom does the day to day raising of the children. She takes care of the homework and getting the kids to and from school and activities. She signs the permission slips and fills out the forms. She cooks for them every day and does their laundry. She’s there 24/7. To be fair, she doesn’t have to drive to do any of that so she doesn’t get any kudos for her part. #sarcasm

Furthermore, in exchange for that ten hour round trip (which he brought upon himself) he doesn’t have to split his 401k, be ordered to pay spousal and/or child support, sell the house and split the proceeds, or split any of the marital assets. He also has a handy excuse as to why he can’t marry the new wife model. And he gets all the fun parts of parenting while getting out of any of the more difficult parts. It’s all camping in the backyard, making s’mores, buying goldfish, cleaning out the hamster cage, and a whole host of other fun times with his kids. #allplaynowork

I would probably also guess that his kids have made it clear they have no desire to spend any time with his mistress. Affairs get complicated when the kids aren’t young. You can’t lie to them and pull the wool over their eyes as easily. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that the kids always reject the cheating parent. It’s just a lot more difficult to sell the sanitized version of the story. Once again, Dad takes the easy route and he’s a prince for doing so while Mom is a controlling sociopath.

Sorry, folks; I think Dad is doing exactly what he wants. If Mom couldn’t stop him from fucking his 30 year old plaything, impregnating her, and then moving five hours away to live with the plaything and love child I don’t think she can stop him from taking the kids back to his new house in his new hometown if that’s what he really wanted to do. For whatever reason he likes this arrangement and it works for him.

As for all the hand wringing over the poor precious little three year old not having Daddy all to herself on the weekends and the kids not knowing her… “That poor little girl is being deprived of her daddy every weekend!” wailed many of the commenters. I know I’m going to sound like a bitch but that’s what happens sometimes when your parents are big fat lying cheaters. Perhaps if her mother had gotten knocked up by a guy who wasn’t married she could spend every weekend with her daddy; unfortunately for her her mother chose a man who was already married and already had children. This child is with her father five days a week, or let’s say from Sunday night through Friday morning. Her older siblings get to see their father from Friday night through Sunday afternoon, assuming he doesn’t leave early on Sunday. I’d say she gets the better end of the deal. Additionally, I’m fairly confident that as soon as Mistress Mommy enrolls her child in soccer or dance or gymnastics, she’s going to be expecting Cheater Daddy to stick around for that. I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to find that Daddy can’t make those 5 hour drives every weekend once the love child gets a little older and starts participating in extracurriculars.

I will also go on record as saying it’s not in any way, shape or form Mom’s responsibility to make sure her kids have a relationship with their dad’s new child. Again, I’m pretty sure if that was important to Daddy he would make sure it happened. If I’m going to be charged with making sure my kids have a relationship with their sibling then it damn well better be a child that has come out of me!

Even better is all this hand wringing over the kids not getting to be a part of the whore’s life. Yes, I’m sure his kids wish every weekend that Daddy would take them to his new house so the woman who helped tear apart their lives and took their dad away from them can play mommy to them.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that wasn’t yet another reason Daddy hasn’t pushed for the divorce. Think about it. He’s got two women on the hook, dancing all the time. He’s got the lovelorn wife who continues to play house with him each weekend, and the devoted mistress who lives with him the rest of the time. The mistress is probably not real happy about him spending every weekend with the wife. People pointed that out, too. Oh, poor little mistress having to share the cheater with his wife! But what can she do? If she wants to keep him she had better dance and make her needs very very small. Afterall, she’s the mistress, not the wife. He’s on the hook for child support if he leaves her (or she leaves him). That’s it. If she leaves the relationship now she leaves with nothing aside from child support and a child who now gets to see her dad only on weekends. Quite possibly, if the mistress were to leave and file for child support, Cheater Daddy would file for visitation rights, which would mean he would have every legal right to take his child with him when he went to spend the weekend with his wife and kids. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the teeth? The wife getting to spend entire weekends with the love child. That’s a switch.

Of course, if she’s cheating on him then she might not care about sharing him on the weekends. I know Harley liked to be able to seek out others while Cousinfucker was back home and several people have mentioned that they wouldn’t be surprised to find out the mistress has someone on the side since he’s gone every weekend.

He also never has to take on any child rearing responsibilities on his own. The wife is around all weekend, probably making dinner and doing any of the hard stuff. Daddy just plays. And let’s not forget these kids are now teenagers. There isn’t a whole lot of down and dirty work to do with the teens. Meanwhile, he’s never around on the weekends when the mistress has the toddler all day long. She gets to do all the heavy lifting while he’s off playing with the first set of kids. He’s got quite the setup going!

Oh the other comments I loved were about the mistress and how she is now his partner. Or when they would write in to remind the writer that he was her ex-husband. She needed to respect his relationship with this new partner of his. #haveyoualllostyourfuckingminds #i’llrespectyourrelationshipwithhimjustlikeyourespectedmine No, she is not his partner. She is still the mistress. He is still married to his actual legal wife. She continues to be the dirty little side piece regardless of where he hangs his hat during the week. He still takes off to go play family with the originals. He hasn’t taken steps to divorce the wife and unfortunately for him (and the mistress, too, I suppose) should a time come where someone will choose whether or not to take him off life support it’s going to be his wife and not the mistress who will make that call. And that my dear friends means he is definitely NOT her ex-husband. He is her husband- mistress, love child, and residence five hours away notwithstanding.

Many people were very worried that the mistress and love child were being excluded from these fun weekends. “They need to be included!” so many people chimed in. They are so very worried that somehow the mistress and love child were getting the short end of the stick. They deserve everything! I refer to the previous paragraphs where I point out that if this were a point of contention for dear ol’ dad I’m sure he would make it happen. If Mom couldn’t prevent him from cheating and impregnating another woman I’m confident she can’t prevent him from bringing said mistress and love child with him and then taking off with the kids for the weekend. Then again, he couldn’t pitch a tent in her backyard or help clean out the hamster cage or make dinner in her kitchen with their daughter. Nope, he’d have to pony up for a hotel room and take all of his visitation outside of her house. Of course, someone who wasn’t bitter and angry and who would put her children first would undoubtedly offer to put up the mistress and love child. Nay, she would offer up her own damn bed to the two cheating lovebirds!

Also vomit worthy were the pleas for her to stop calling the home wrecker his mistress because… wait for it… that adds even more anger to the situation. WTF? No, I’m pretty sure her husband fucking, then impregnating the mistress, then moving 5 hours away has contributed to the anger. Why this inability to not see cheating for what it is? Why this desire to whitewash everything? We mustn’t get angry when our partner cheats on us! We must not refer to the person who helped blow up our lives as anything other than a ray of sunshine. She’s his life partner, his soul mate, the peanut butter to his jelly, and we must respect that. Hell, maybe we should throw them a #$%#&^ wedding reception. Oops, gotta get that divorce first! I assure you mistress is the kindest term I use for Harley, and I would be willing to bet it’s the kindest term this writer uses for her own husband’s live-in mistress.

I think this situation is one hot mess all the way around. I do find all the comments very interesting though. It’s amazing how many people fault her. They fault her for not divorcing him, for screwing up her kids, for not respecting the relationship between her husband and his mistress, for not encouraging a relationship between her children and the love child, for being stuck in the past, for being controlling. Very few people though were able to see how Dad played any part in this. Most wanted to concentrate on what a great dad he was for continuing to see his children. Wow- is that all it takes? Or they pointed out it takes two to make or break a relationship and we only had her side of the situation. HE HAD A BABY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! For crying out loud, what part of that was her fault? Oh, it was probably because their marriage was sexless or he got tired of her playing martyr all the time or he got tired of her controlling ways or they had a miserable marriage and he deserved to be happy. He undoubtedly had great reasons for cheating on her; it’s not like he could, you know, divorce her or anything crazy like that. It was all about her and what she had done or hadn’t done. She was a vicious shrew who used her children as pawns. Dad was an innocent victim, driven to cheat. I would say that good ol’ dad is a cake eater extraordinaire but ultimately I think that both of them are getting something out of this. I suppose time will tell which one of them got the better end of the deal.